A person’s wedding day is the happiest of their lives; there’s nothing on the horizon but a lifetime of love together. But, love can fade and people can get whittled down. Devastating moments of revelation can come when you’re sitting on a beach or in the middle of another argument. Either way, when you know, you know.
I was a Lance Corporal bringing home what I could as a paycheck to an unemployed wife. One day, she brought home a brand new Lexus IS350 because, apparently, she "got a good deal on it." After her purchase, she thought I was supposed to pay $800.00 a month for her bill. I didn't think it was such a good deal.
My best friend got a pretty substantial year-end bonus from work. He generously decided to use most of it for his wife's Christmas gift. He also decided that he would pay off her remaining student loans (~$14,700). He then used the remaining portion of his bonus to buy a new computer chair for when he gamed (~$300).
On Christmas morning (he was nice enough to let me stay at his place when I traveled for work), we all woke up and had breakfast. His family and her parents came over and we started exchanging gifts. Besides paying off her loans, he had gotten her a few additional items. She opened the card saying her loans were paid off and she just sat there for a minute.
After the silence, and assuming she was kind of in shock, she asked, "Did you seriously not get me anything else? I bought you that stupid keyboard (the wrong one by the way) and you only got me a few things?" At that point, his brother in law and myself decided to go hang out in another room for a while they ended up getting into a huge fight. A day later when he was dropping me off at the airport, he told me that he was going to visit a lawyer and get a divorce.
My ex falsely told our marriage counselor that I struck her. The next week, she denied saying it and accused our counselor of lying. He gave me a "you should leave this relationship" look. I took that look as permission from a professional that I definitely wasn't making the wrong decision. I got divorced and never looked back. I legitimately feared for my safety towards the end — not that she would hurt me, but that she would make a false accusation to the cops or a crazy friend.
She let me know she was pregnant and wanted my permission to tell all of her girlfriends during a girls' night out. Since I knew there was no possible way it was my child, she was also unknowingly admitting to something else. (I can math, and she can't.) I knew the kid was probably her boss’s. So, I lawyered up the next day and he ate her alive in court. I got primary custody of our child we already had, and child support, and a sheriff's notice that she had to vacate my home in 30 days. I never knew she could be that stupid.
When my stepdaughter became a teenager, my ex ramped up her craziness. She had always been an impatient, angry screamer of a parent. But, as my step-daughter became a young woman, my ex just went crazy with envy or something. I know lots of moms have a hard time with teenage daughters, but their base-level patience is so much better than my ex's was. There were threats of cutting hair in the middle of the night, hair pulling, ridiculing in front of her friends, swinging something that missed and putting a hole in the wall. So, it wasn’t long before I was out with the kids.
My wife was around less and less. More often than not, she’d call me to pick our daughter up from daycare after promising to pick her up. She always had something better to do and the kids were old enough to know better. One day, I went to pick our daughter. When they called her down, she came running over until she saw it wasn't mom, again. She slumped her shoulders and slowly walked over to ask, “What's her excuse this time?" That was the breaking point. I told her to get out and even helped pay her security deposit to get her out.
One day, we were hanging out and she made me watch Oprah with her. As we were watching, there was a quiz that popped up for the audience to participate in. It was like an “Is Your Marriage Okay?” type of thing. In my head, I saw seven or so items that were “not okay,” but she didn't see any. We had already been to counseling.
I was working on a mother-daughter scrapbook as a Christmas present for her. I was going through her Google photos, looking for pictures of them together. I then came across a selfie she took with some dude laying on her. It was the second time it happened. I knew it was over the moment I saw it. That has messed me up pretty good.
We flew across the country for her sister's wedding. She didn't say a word to me the entire time since we had parked at the airport. Once we landed at our destination, we walked to baggage claim (absolute silence preceding for several hours now). At the carousel, I picked up her bag, but she took it out of my hand and calmly stated, "None of my family knows you're here — I told them I came alone." She walked out of the airport and left me there. Narcissistic Personality Disorder made for some really fun scenarios.
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During the last year and a half of our marriage, she became extremely psychologically harmful. She was a narcissist, controlled my every move, would isolate me, and refused physical contact. I was just an extension to her life, wasn’t allowed to talk to any female, and wasn’t allowed to hang out with any friends or she would ignore me for up to five days at a time. There were double standards everywhere.
The last straw for me was when she threatened me because I came home from work late even though she knew I’d be home late. It was just a little too late for her and she also threatened me the same day. This was the second time this happened and I talked with several people at work about it. They all suggested that I run.
I had texts of the threats she sent me on my phone. After everything that happened and talking it out with people, I contacted a lawyer that same week. She agreed to sign since I told her I would take severe legal action if she didn't. Thankfully, we had no children and it was a clean divorce. I'm happily divorced.
She presented a picture of our four-year-old daughter and me laying next to each other on the couch watching Blues Clues to our marriage counselor. She tried to use it as evidence of my "inappropriate conduct" around our kids. Thank God he saw right through her nonsense immediately and told her to knock it off.
I used to love to do chores for her because she loved being taken care of. When she stopped noticing, it started hurting. Then one day, I made a bench for our entryway out of barnwood. It took about 40 hours of work. She walked in the house after work that day, sat her purse on it and proceeded to tell me that she was mad she got married to me. She stormed out of the house, grabbing her purse. She never noticed the bench was there. I knew then, but I think she already knew.
I knew it was time to leave my ex-wife when my son started talking. When my two-year-old was learning to talk, he would consistently say another man’s name. Apparently, that guy was there the moment I left for work right up until when I got home. I’ve been a single dad for the last five years with primary custody.
I once found my ex on Christmas Eve, still sending raunchy messages to a co-worker, whom she claimed she was no longer in contact with. She was caught sending inappropriate messages to him in the past as well. So, after catching her for the second time and final, I cleared out of there like a blackjack dealer.
I was the only earner in the house and was denied buying a new pair of work boots — in December — because she needed the money to "buy vaccines for the puppies". She bred dogs as a hobby, I was a framing carpenter in Ohio. My current work boots were toast — they had holes in both and no soles. I needed them. Her "puppy vaccine" story was garbage since she was a pro at taking medication herself. That's what she needed the money for. I was done with her by March.
After being in Afghanistan for eight months, she was missing and had my car. I found two random women with kids and pets living in the apartment I paid for, the electricity was cut off, there wasn’t any money in my bank account, and there was a pay advance authorized by my commander. The icing on the cake was me also being greeted by a friend telling me to go easy on her because she was five months pregnant with his kid.
She had left her Facebook open with a conversation about her pregnancy scares to a friend. We hadn’t been with each other like that for a bit more than a month at that point. Upon confronting her to discuss it, she manipulated me into thinking she was a danger to herself. Then she admitted the manipulation. I was done.
My fiancée called it off because we were house hunting and she kept wanting to look at houses that would accommodate an extra permanent guest. I knew she wanted her estranged father to live with us after wanting to reinitiate ties with him. But, she wouldn't admit to it. I then found out from a buddy that she wanted me to lay out the money for the down payment, was going to break it off herself and fight to keep the house to herself. Two years went down the drain, but a lifetime of a fortunate near-miss.
I left for work at 6:00 a.m. and forgot to unplug the toaster. When I arrived home at 6:00 p.m., I was given the "everything you've ever done to upset me speech" just for leaving the toaster plugged in. I asked her what she did all day that prevented her from unplugging it herself. Another "I'm the worst" speech. I said something to the effect of “quit acting like your mother.” She then threw the cat at me. A cat. She threw a cat at me.
For the first one, I was working late and the daycare called and asked if I was picking up my kids. I left work to go get them and when I got home, she was gone. I didn't hear anything from her for two weeks. For the second one, it was the third time I bailed the house out of foreclosure because she wouldn't pay the bills. She wouldn’t even though there was money in the accounts to cover it. I closed the account and handed her cash for the mortgage. I then packed a bag, my kids, and left.
We met and spent the first seven years of our married life on the West Coast, then moved East. Five years later, I took a job back on the West Coast, but it was the middle of the school year, so I went out ahead and lived on my own until everyone could join me. Things hadn't been very good between us for a while, but I hadn't articulated it to her —or even myself — beyond vague feelings of dissatisfaction.
One weekend, out there on my own, I decided to take a day and drive to one of my favorite towns. It was a town I lived in long before I knew her, a town we had visited often while married. It was late afternoon and I was about to head back to my hotel when I realized that I could visit a particular beach that had special meaning to me.
So, I drove out there. I hiked out to a specific spot I remembered, plopped down, popped the drink, and looked out over the ocean. And it hit me that I hadn't done that in over 20 years. Whenever we'd visit the area, I'd suggest stopping at the beach, but she wasn't interested and would always dismiss the idea.
I know that to a lot of people, this might come off like the tiniest thing. But, it was the catalyst for me realizing just how completely dissatisfied I was with our relationship. I think from the time I sat down, I knew it was over within maybe 10 minutes. Just sitting there, having a drink, looking at the ocean.
We were doing a trial separation and she moved into the spare bedroom of our apartment. "Divorce" had been thrown around, but we still spent time together and slept together. I wasn't seriously considering divorce, but rather counseling. That was, until the day I came home from work at the same time I came home every day and she was in her room with some random guy. She hadn’t told him she was married. I kicked him out of the apartment and made it clear to her that I would be moving out as soon as possible.
I knew that it was time to go when I happened to stumble upon a letter between her and my friend. They were talking about how they couldn’t wait to be with one another and my wife would say things like she couldn't wait to be away from me so they could be together. I knew then that it was time to get that divorce.
She started working at a job with people who were closer to her age instead of a job where her coworkers were in their late 40s. She wanted to go and hang out with them rather than come home and be with her family. There were a lot of other little things that added up over time, mainly her desire to drive under the influence and not coming home four days a week until two or three in the morning. She also wouldn’t tell a soul where she was or what she was doing. After a month of that, she said she wanted a divorce. I fought it with everything I had for three months.
We decided to go to counseling and the counselor asked her "In your mind, is this marriage already over?" After a literal five minute silence, I had the answer I needed. We separated a week later and divorced a year after. We're still civil for our daughter's sake. I was able to save up and buy a house for my daughter and I, which I never would have been able to do had I stayed married.
My son and I were watching Netflix on her phone when her boyfriend texted her. It was midnight and he said he missed her and couldn't wait to see her again. I confronted her and she denied it. She said that her friend's daughter was texting my son. My son was three and the daughter in question was two. So, yeah. It was time to go.
When we had a much-needed family trip planned to Mexico, she told me she didn't want me to come on the trip. She took my two daughters and her mother for a week. She was a stay-at-home mom, so I paid for the whole trip months before. As soon as I knew the plane left on time, I marched into a lawyer's office. I served her the papers the day after they got back home.
One time, the cops showed up and arrested me while I was washing dishes. I found out after being taken to the station that she had claimed that I had been causing harm to her and my five-year-old son. I was acquitted in court a month or so later. The situation was so messed up that the even cops testified on my behalf.
We were already not speaking at this point. It was Thanksgiving and since I knew she wasn't going to bother, I made a turkey and whatever appropriate sides for my daughter. I had the turkey out on the counter to rest after roasting. My beloved bride walked in, calmly threw the turkey in the kitchen trash can and walked out. I had to take my kid to Golden Corral for Thanksgiving. That was it. I was done.
My ex-wife suddenly decided our dog was annoying her and sold him on Craigslist. After the purchase went through, she then used the money to buy herself a non-refundable purse. She did all of this without my knowledge rather than making any mention of her feelings so we could come up with a possible solution.
I always refused to raise my voice during arguments, which usually made her crazier and scream louder. After one such argument, during which our three-year-old daughter was playing upstairs, she started coming down at the same time her mother was storming up the stairs like a child of comparable age. Our daughter was in the way and her mother got in her face and screamed "God, I hate you! Move!" Of course, my daughter came to me, hurt. That was the moment I decided it was over.
Me and my ex were always having ups and downs. She would cut up my clothes when I was out with friends, cut my hair when I was asleep, have screaming fits, the usual. However, we did the normal things couples were supposed to do and it seemed to prolong the episode for a time. We bought a house, for example. Well, after we had the house the next thing we needed was a cat.
She loved it very much when it was a kitten but as it grew up it became more independent. My ex couldn't take this and became aggressive towards it. I remember walking in one day and she picked up the cat and threw it up in the air. I threw her out of the house tossing her stuff on the curb. I still have the cat.
The moment I realized that her excuses were all about blaming me and demolishing my spirit so she could continue doing what she wanted. She wanted to go off on her own while I fully supported her financially. It was the click that I needed to lawyer up and get out of there. She had almost broken me, but I finally saw the only regret she had was getting caught.
My best friend was in the Air Force stationed in South Korea. He got married right before he left. After about six months, he flew her out to visit. The first night she was there, she would go outside to smoke more and more. She left her phone and he looked at it when someone texted her. She was texting two guys on base asking, "Do you want to see me when my husband goes to work?" He got out of dodge when she went home.
It was time for me to leave her when she started getting in my face for nonsensical issues. I was working six to seven days a week for 10-12 hours a day. Yet, she had the nerve to call me lazy. She would actually scream in my face and tell me I was a bad father as she completely demolished my son’s room. Goodbye.
She took me out to Chili's, bought me an El Nino and ended up asking me if I would let her spend time with the guy she was with when we were separated once before. She then offered to do the cleaning and taking care of the house more thoroughly in return. I laughed and said, "Yeah, we're going to need to divorce now." We're currently in the process of divorce.
She claimed she was short of cash and needed me to hand over $100 to cover going to NYC. She said it was so she could see a friend she hadn't seen in months. She went from not going because it wasn't worth the money to walking gleefully out the door when I handed her the $100. As I was laying in bed, I wondered why she had no money. I checked her favorite clothing store's history. She was averaging spending 75% of her income on clothes and makeup. Everything fell into place for me that day. I filed after the money scavenger hunt turned up she had a boyfriend.
There were many reasons but this was the final straw. My grandmother wasn’t doing well and didn’t have much time left. My ex took this time to throw a childish fit because I ordered food that she didn't like. I realized at that point how completely miserable I was and how short life is. So we divorced, she took all my money and my kids (plus child support).
Despite these things, I've still never been happier. Every time I have to interact with her, it honestly blows my mind that we somehow made it for nine years. I guess when we were together I was so trained to comply and overlook. The good thing is that I now see what an absolute toxic bully she was and still is.
She partied too hard on Christmas Eve and told me that she had been using again. She said that she’d always be an addict because it was her first love and it was there for her when she was a teenager. She finally said she loved it more than she loved being a wife or a mother and that plenty of people lead normal lives while still being users.
It crushed me. She was so sick the next morning that she missed Christmas at my parents' house with our three-year-old son. I tried to speak to her about it for the next few weeks and she refused to acknowledge the conversation. Things finally came to a head when she started inviting a couple of known dealers into our home.
She regularly did this and threatened to move out when I asked that she not bring them around our house or son anymore. I told her we needed to talk, me, her, and my parents who were trying to help. She flipped out and disappeared for days. When she tried to come home again, I had all of her things packed up.
I saw her texts to the person she was in a relationship with and they were making fun of me. I actually regret the divorce to be honest. She accused me of stuff I didn't do and I can't see my child anymore. He was too young to remember me and I'm sure she isn't giving him a glowing opinion about me. I don't think he will ever want to know his old man.
After all the arguments and yelling at each other, we were looking at each other and she said, "I know that you’re going to divorce me because of this, but I really hate you." It was the first time in a long time that I completely understood her and what she was trying to express to me. Over the years, she said she wanted me back. But, I would tell her that all she had to do was apologize for what she said. She never would. That's how I knew she didn't love me.
I think I'm in the process of realizing that it's time to call it a day. I love her, but we seem to have vastly different ideas on the best way to live. We have clashing views about important things like money, lifestyles, etc. It's thoroughly disheartening being the one trying to make an effort all the time.
After we had a child, suddenly I could no longer do anything right. She said she felt trapped, so I suggested that she start having a weekly girls' night out. She did and it seemed to get better for a while. Then she wanted two nights out, so I happily obliged. Then it was three and still I was happy because she was happy.
Then I was told that I was becoming boring and should go out with my friends more. So, I started having a guys’ night out. Then she said we weren't spending enough time together as a couple and I should cancel my night (not one of her three nights out). So I did and things temporarily got better. Then, I was boring again. Rinse and repeat. The demands got even crazier after that. Being the chump that I am, I kept on trying to do the impossible and make her happy. But, that was the point when deep down I knew I was going to end up a single dad.
Years ago, I came to the sad realization that my ex-wife and I were just good roommates and had been like that for years. We have been divorced for almost 10 years now and she’s still one of my favorite people in the whole world. There are no hard feelings, I just don’t think that we were supposed to be married.
My wife asked me to defrost the freezer because of ice build-up. I said no problem and was on it immediately. I turned on the kettle, filled a few pots with near-boiling water and placed them inside. But, she was too impatient and pushed me aside before chipping at the ice herself. 30 seconds later, there was a bad sound coming from the freezer and it broke. She made me buy a new one because I "made her nervous by taking so long and that’s why she punctured it." That woman was impatient about everything and her impatience ruined everything.
Besides the narcissism and random outbursts, it was her strange punishments. Her last one doomed her. My crime? I forgot milk on the way home from work, so she didn't talk to me, not one word, for a week. It was pure bliss for a week. When she asked if I was ready to apologize, I handed her the divorce papers. She asked why and I said, "Because you rob me of solitude, but provide me with no companionship."
She posted on Facebook about an argument we had and her friends gave her advice on how to get back at me. Some of the top-tier suggestions included: sticking something in my food, striking me while I was asleep, and even cutting my brake lines. All of these comments were met with laughter and emojis on her part.
We went to my grandpa's funeral and Disneyland after the service. The flights and board were paid for by my father. She was the most ungrateful, unsupportive, whiny shrew the whole weekend. I couldn't believe it. My little sister said my entire family didn't like her or her attitude and was constantly asking why she was there. That really sank in and at that moment I knew we were done. Don't keep her around if your family can't stand her, they probably don't like her for good reason.
We’re not divorced yet. I haven't fully decided it's time, but I think it's close. My final straw was during one of her every-three-month epic meltdowns. She said, "I fantasize about you just finding another girl and running off with her so I'll know it's over. It would be the worst thing you could ever do to me."
My ex-wife and I were already on a trial separation, but honestly had hoped we would get it worked out. My daughter and I moved into my parents' house while we figured things out. Christmas day rolled around and she showed up to give her presents to everyone and left. It just really hit me that she couldn't even stick around on Christmas because she had more important things to do. I knew it wasn’t going to work. Honestly, it was the only time as a grown man that I've ever cried.
My ex once told me, "I can't live in this house anymore. It's not in a major city.” I replied, "We're less than an hour away from one. Also, I inherited this house. It costs me nothing but upkeep. Also, I pay every bill. You work six hours a week and have one class. Where do you get off demanding anything?" She then told me to buy her a new house or we were through. I told her to get out.
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