Before you marry someone, it's crucial to know whether or not they are the right person for you. Finding out too late that your SO has a secret kid or that they squeeze toothpaste from the top of the tube instead of the bottom could be a recipe for disaster. Still, sometimes there can be secrets between a couple that remain hidden even after they say "I do." These people share what shocking, gross, and downright weird things they only learned about their partner only after they tied the knot.
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#1 He Dunks Oreos in Water
He dunks his Oreos in water instead of milk. I still don’t know why. He is not lactose intolerant, and no, he wasn’t poor growing up. He’s not a vegan. And we had milk in the house when I caught him doing this. He just prefers to dunk his Oreos in water.
#2 She's a Great Swimmer
She's a great swimmer. One day, after we'd be married for about seven years, we joined a gym with a swimming pool. She challenged me to a race. Ok, I thought, I'm a pretty good swimmer. I was surprised when she offered me a half-length head start - and then doubly surprised when despite my massive head start she beat me easily. Apparently she used to be a competitive swimmer at school. She's basically half-dolphin. But she'd never happened to mention it before.
#3 He's a Compulsive Liar
My mom found out my dad was a compulsive liar when his twin sister didn't show up to their wedding. When questioned about it he said she must have imagined the dozens of stories he had told about his twin sister. He is an only child.
#4 His Mother's Difficult
How insane his mother is. He was clear that they had a difficult relationship when he was growing up and that he is really close with his dad because of her behavior. Since we’ve been married she’s been diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder, and her health professionals say it’s likely she has genetic degenerative neurology (Huntington’s).
#5 She Can't Read Time
My wife cannot read an analog watch/clock for time. Married four years, been together seven years total, and somehow that came up only a month ago when I asked for the time off a watch during a power outage. I don't give her a hard time about it, but that was a fun fact to learn.
#6 She Loves Christmas
Just how much she REALLY loves Christmas. We lived together before we were married, and it wasn't that bad. But the moment we said "I Do"...It changed. Now, she starts the Christmas train in October. I'm talking the tree, garland and damn Michael Buble. When I asked her about this, she said "Oh, we're married now. So you have to like this too." Purely joking but damn.
#7 She Mixes Peanut Butter and Jelly
She makes PB&J sandwiches by mixing the PB and J in a separate bowl before spreading it on the bread. Pure savagery.
#8 She's Allergic to Artificial Sweeteners
My wife is allergic to all artificial sweeteners. During the second night of our honeymoon, we decided to stay in and get some takeout. My beverage of choice at the time was Crystal Light Raspberry Ice which contains aspartame. While we were eating she wasn't thinking and she asked for a sip. About five minutes later she became extremely ill and started having issues breathing. After a few minutes, she read the ingredients on my beverage and yelled at me "I AM ALLERGIC TO ASPARTAME!!!" Me...being the loving new husband I am yelled back, "SINCE WHEN!? YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT!" She never bothered to tell me because she grew up in a household with no artificial sweeteners because she was allergic.
#9 She's a Hoarder
I discovered my wife is a hoarder and doesn't want to throw anything away. She's gotten better over the years, but it's still an issue.
#10 He Can't be Trusted with Desserts
He absolutely cannot be trusted with desserts in the house. Back when we were engaged he’d give me time to eat my half of the ice cream or Oreo package or whatever we had on hand... now? I’m sitting here eating thin mints from a stash from under frozen veggies in our outside freezer.
#11 She Always Leaves the Lids Un-Screwed
She’s always leaving the lids on everything un-screwed, and guess who is always breaking jars because he always picks everting thing up using the lid?
#12 He's Lactose Intolerant
My husband and I dated for three years before we got married. After more than a year of marriage, he let slip that he is lactose intolerant. He knew that I absolutely love ice cream and we would frequently get ice cream on our dates. But he never wanted me to know about the lactose intolerance so that I could be happy with my ice cream.
#13 He Doesn't Actually Speak French
A friend of mine eventually told his now-wife that he didn't actually know French. He had been teaching her jibberish phrases.
#14 She Talks in Her Sleep
She procrastinates cleaning until the task becomes unnecessarily difficult, which means she takes forever to clean, which means she hates cleaning, which makes her procrastinate. She also talks in her sleep, and that can be pretty funny sometimes. "If my pants have two holes in them, why are three parts of me tired?"
#15 They Featured in the Same Newspaper
We were both on the same page in a newspaper. It was found a couple of years after we were married.
#16 He Likes Fish
He likes to eat fish. Somehow in our six years of dating, I got it into my head that he didn't like to eat seafood. My parents would cook dinner and invite him, and I'd constantly tell my mom, "No, can you make something else? He doesn't eat fish." My husband loves most seafood, with the singular, random exception of coconut shrimp. We joke about that to this day, that I unintentionally kept him from some of his favorite foods without so much as a conversation about it. That's a lighthearted answer. I'm sure there are many more. Eleven years in and we are still learning things about one another.
#17 He'd Never Been to a Funeral
He’d never been to a funeral. It didn’t come up until we had to attend one and he had questions.
#18 She Never Understood His Joke
Been together 20 years. Married for 17. I’ve been telling the same “dad joke” since I was about 17. Whenever someone says something was “intense” I always respond with “like the circus?” My wife has been rolling her eyes at it for nearly 20 years... until about six months ago. I gave my lame response to her, but instead of rolling her eyes at me they got really big, like I saw the lightbulb go off, then she chuckled. She never got the joke until then.
#19 She's a Mathematical Genius
She is a bit of a genius when it comes to finances. No complaints.
#20 She Farts
She farts. She had always farted around me. No big deal. Usually, she kept it to little toots unless she was sick or drunk then it would be loud like mine. I don't mind it's natural. But holy eff she unleashed a trumpet that would put college marching bands to shame. She can be across the house and I can hear her farts.
#21 She Can't Whistle
My wife can't whistle, and she's never had a sloppy joe.
#22 She Cared Too Much About Money
I’m happily divorced now (almost 12 years now that I do the math), but after we got married I learned that she viewed her money as her money and my money as our money, which was interesting because before we got married, my money was our money and she didn’t have money to speak of. Not that I was even making good money. But after we got married she got a well-paying job and suddenly her money was hers and mine wasn’t mine. It didn’t last long after that.
#23 He's Addicted to Cars
His addiction to cars. I never knew how much he really enjoyed until after we got married.
#24 He'd Do Anything for Her
My husband loves telling this story. He is a big meat and potatoes guy. On our honeymoon, I told him that I was becoming a vegetarian. It was something I’d been thinking about for a while and couldn’t implement well while living with my parents. When we got back from vacation, we fell into a routine where I did all the cooking. Turns out that he is lazier about cooking than he likes eating meat. Also, it turns out I’m a pretty good vegetarian cook. He now eats vegetarian whenever we are at home, and gets meat at restaurants when he goes out with his friends. He’s totally happy with it (truly!). It has been 10 years. He’s the best.
#25 He's Dad Material
That he would make a fantastic father.
#26 She Changed
She changed a whole lot after the wedding. From wanting kids to not, from hating her parents and the way they treated other people to siding with them (her mom was a nurse who constantly talked about patients negatively and her dad was an entitled business owner who tried to run people off the road constantly, awful road rage. They both were the type of "Christians" that give the whole religion a bad name.) She ended up remarrying one of my old college buddies shortly after the divorce.
#27 He's a Goofball
What an absolute goofball he was. He was always so serious when we were dating. Now he can’t carry on a serious conversation. Definitely some pros and cons there.
#28 He's a Video Game Addict
That he plays video games. For 10-15 hours a day. Even when he married. And has kids. And has a full-time job. With marriage counselling, he cut back to five hours a day. It’s now (year 22) back up to about seven hours a day on weekdays. I never knew marriage was going to be this lonely.
#29 She's Adopted
That she was adopted. In fairness, she didn't know either.
#30 He Lives and Breathes Sports
That he lives and breathes sports. I knew he liked sports when we were dating, but I didn't realize that's all he liked. I didn't know he would rather watch football games on Sundays than go to family dinners or anywhere else. I didn't realize he wouldn't want to watch anything but sports on TV. I didn't know that he would want to play or watch basketball/football/baseball/golf every waking moment.
#31 She Can't Have Children
My wife informed me that she could not have children AFTER we got married. This mad me sad. Being able to prove her wrong made me happy.
#32 She's a Vivid Dreamer
That I am solely responsible for her dreams, and I don't mean the want to have kids one day kind (have those). I mean the type where she wakes me at 3 a.m. and begins the conversation with "You wouldn't let me have the window seat" because apparently in her dream I wouldn't swap seats with her on the plane. She was mad at me for at least a week, this sort of thing has happened a few times.
#33 He Undresses to Go Number Two
My husband completely undresses from the waist down to go number two. He says he needs the freedom.
#34 He's Good at Chores
He's really good at doing household chores. Between us, I do all the cooking and he cleans up. He even makes sure the cutlery air dries on a cloth before wiping down the water stains. He developed a cleaning procedure to make sure the black marble kitchen top is spotless. He never ever leaves the dishes for the next day no matter how late the dinner ends (which can be really late when we entertain guests)
Also, he has a fondness for the latest household gadgets. The robotic vacuum cleaner was a really good buy - now he's eyeing an electric lock so we will never need to carry our keys again.
#35 He Already Had a Kid
Not me, but my mom. She found out that my dad already had a kid when they got married.
#36 He Lies for No Reason
My ex told me his middle name was James. I saw afterwards on his driver’s license that it was John. He would lie about random stuff all the time, for no good reason.
#37 She's a Crazy Sneezer
That she sneezes like she trying to scare you (scream sneeze). I’m still not used to it now (ten years later). It’s loud as hell. Our poor daughter gets scared and says, "Mommy you’re too loud." But in public, she “can hold it back.”
#38 He Was in Heavy Debt
Not me, but my parents. My mom learned that my dad was into some heavy debt after the wedding, literally like a week after, and she also learned that he was never going to give up his bachelor life for a more stable, family life, even though he had a wife and child. Happy times, this family.
#39 She Spits When She Yawns
She often shoots a thin stream of saliva out of her mouth when she yawns. Apparently she more consciously covered her mouth beforehand
#40 She Wouldn't Get Help
That she actually wouldn't do anything about her mental health issues. The flare ups were just far enough apart to think things were getting better, then no. We had kids not too long after getting married, so there was the element of staying for the kids, staying for the warped belief she could get better; nearly 14 years. I've been a full time single dad for three years now. Life is great on the other side of divorce and my kids are thriving and happy. For whatever it's worth, it's not anyone's fault to have mental illness IMO, but doing something about it is their responsibility.
#41 She Leaves Time on the Microwave
She leaves a few seconds on the microwave. There’s only so many times a guy can ask her to press the clear button. It’s even the same as the stop button... Just press it twice!! She’s a savage.
#42 He Has a Serious Neurological Condition
He has aphantasia. It's a neurological condition where you can't recall memories as pictures or create images in your mind. He cannot and has never been able to picture what he is reading in a book or say, conjure an image of a forest or person in his mind. He can't imagine my face when I'm not there, though its not like he forgets it. I'm the total opposite and always picture everything in my mind, I'm an artist and my job would be hard if I couldn't, so to me its like in a way he's blind. Its just a different way of experiencing life I guess, but I was really sad for him when I found out.
We lived together before we got married so no surprises like how he kept his toothpaste or anything (horribly and weirdly squeezes from the middle. We have two separate tubes and it's great).
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#43 She's a Hanson Superfan
She owns Hanson’s entire discography.
#44 His Anxiety is as Bad as Hers
That my husband's anxiety is as bad as my own. It's actually refreshing because we know exactly how to help each other out when the other one's anxiety gets bad.
#45 She Won't Do Chores Unless Asked
Unless asked specifically to do something around the house, wife won't do it. With rare exceptions. Like she doesn't get mad when l ask her to clean or do dishes or anything. She just doesn't think about it.
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