People Share The Most ‘Straight Up Ridiculous’ Stories They Know

Advertisement
Our lives are pretty uneventful most of the time. We often stick to doing the “regular” stuff—We go to work, ride the bus, make dinner, eat at restaurants, watch television, etc. However, once in a while, something truly outrageous happens that stands out among the monotony.
When asked about some of the ridiculous experiences they’ve had or heard about, plenty of internet users had lots to share. Some of their tales are pretty funny, while others will make you glad such a ridiculous occurrence never happened to you.

#1 Lose Your Wallet, End Up A Crime Suspect

A friend of mine was previously a skydiving instructor in Colorado and had jumped more than 600 times. One of these times, he had his wallet in his suit, and it fell out. It fell to Earth somewhere, and he figured, “This sucks but OH WELL!” He had no chance of finding it.

Separately, a man in rural Colorado was found lifeless. It turns out, in his remote cabin where he lived with his daughter, he had been hurting her, and she finally had enough and ended him. The police searched all of his property and found my friend’s wallet in the trunk of his car. Police thought to themselves, “What an idiot, the criminal left his WALLET in this guy’s trunk, easiest arrest ever.”

My friend had the super believable alibi of: “It couldn’t have been me, officer—actually, that wallet fell out of my pants while I was skydiving.”

midnighteyesx

| Humaverse
Advertisement

#2 The Kindest Thief Around

I was once robbed at gunpoint on a public bus. The guy was talking to me like he was my friend while pointing the gun at me. He only asked me for the cash I had in my wallet, and after I gave it to him, he kept talking to me like we were random commuters having a conversation.

He got more confident and asked for my phone. I said, “No, not the phone man, I need it,” and he was like, “Fine it’s okay, don’t worry, we’re chill.”

dabonthemhatersjp

Advertisement

#3 Smooth Criminal

At a festival a year ago, a DJ was playing, and everybody was just dancing in the crowd. Suddenly, I felt my hat being pulled off my head from behind me. I look, and there’s the guy, standing with my cap in his hand, smiling.
I dance and take my hat back in one smooth motion. Then, he does it again—he takes it out of my hand once again, while smiling. At this point, I’m like, okay, I get it. So I take the hat back, maintaining eye contact the entire time. I then swiftly turn around, put the hat in my jacket pocket and keep it there until the show’s over.
I got out, get the hat out to put it on, and it’s not my hat. I’ve been stealing this guy’s hat the whole time.
Advertisement

#4 Clowns Sure Are Funny

My husband and I were driving to his place. He had one of those cars where the front seat had one long seat up front. I had moved over to sit right next to him, and he had his arm wrapped around me.

At one point, I glanced over to my right, and there was a van full of clowns. They were miming and making out at us. They pulled away laughing.

Cloudy_kat

Advertisement

#5 The Fastest Walker Alive

I like to walk quickly, but one day I encountered somebody ahead of me whose walking pace matched mine, So I went faster, straining my ankles and swinging my arms wildly. I eventually overtook her.
To assert my walking speed dominance in the most futile way possible, I didn’t duck or avoid any of the low-hanging branches that were ahead of me. I plowed straight through them face-first, without flinching.
Nobody beats my walking pace. Nobody.

#6 How To Get Away With Stealing A Car

I accidentally stole a car.

I had just gotten off work. I was working two jobs at the time, and I got barely any sleep. I walked out and got into my car, started it up, and drove home.

I didn’t realize something was wrong until I couldn’t find my AUX cord, and then I realized that there were things in the car that was not mine… Like the child seat in the back. I was an 18 year old with no kids. I flipped a u-turn and hauled myself quickly back to work to hopefully get the car back before its owner notices its gone.

I didn’t. Cops were there, and I was very quickly arrested. The owner dropped charges after three things were done.

1: I showed my keys unlocked and started her car. Then, I pointed to my car which was the same model, color, and year.

2: One of my co-workers vouched for the fact that the customer parked in the spot I almost always parked in.

3: Camera footage was pulled for the past nine days I had worked, and it showed that 7 of those days, I parked in that spot.

deleted

#7 Someone Went Fishing In The Forest And Caught A Child

Once, when I was eight years old, I was running through the forest. Suddenly, I got pulled back by something; I didn’t know what it was, but it didn’t hurt. I called for my dad, and when he came, he gasped and said not to move. He then proceeded to remove a fishing hook that was in my skin right next to my eye. One more millimeter to the left and I would’ve been blind with one eye for the rest of my life.

Subwoofy

#8 The Unforgettable Kindness Of Teachers

In sixth grade, I had hit a major growth spurt so most of my clothes didn’t fit and my family couldn’t afford new ones. Once winter came around, the only jacket I had that I could still fit in was much too thin to be of any use. My teacher noticed and I walked into class one morning to see a big, fluffy winter coat on the back of my chair and a Chicken Soup for the Soul book on my desk. Her kindness still makes my eyes water, even almost two decades later.

Enovara

#9 In Small Towns, Everyone Is Family

I live in a small rural town. When I was seven, my parents let my older sister, and I ride our bikes about 3.5 miles into town to get lunch at the only restaurant in town, which my mom’s cousin owns. I didn’t realize how long of a ride 3.5 miles was. I was hot, tired and crabby and burned my tongue on my burger, so I threw a fit and refused to ride my bike home.

A stranger overheard my sister and I arguing about this and offered me a ride home. He said he could just put my bike in the back of his truck and everything would be fine. My sister agreed because she didn’t want to have to call my parents to pick us up and she was tired of my whining.

I realized on the drive home that I hadn’t given the man directions or told him my name, but he somehow knew my name and where I lived. He dropped me off at home, helped me put my bike in the garage, and then drove down the road to visit my grandparents. It turns out; the man was my grandpa’s brother (one of 12 siblings). He recognized me because I looked just like my mom did at that age.

notsolittleliongirl

#10 Revolutions Begin With Tinfoil

I was in AP English, and we were silent reading. I was chewing my way through an 18-pack of gum, twisting the foil wrappers around the tips of my fingers into spikes and passing them to the punk kid behind me when I was finished. I don’t know why I just did.

At some point, I had given him enough for him to cap all ten fingers. He jumped out of his seat wiggling his tinfoil-covered hands in the air, shouted “The revolution is upon us!” and ran out of the room.

He came back about twenty minutes later. The teacher looked at him and said, “Did you have a nice break, Diego?” He nodded and went to sit back down.

PM_ME_YOUR_KITTAYS

#11 What’s The Difference Between A Bomb And A Camera Case?

My boss graduated from the same school I’m currently a senior at, and one time he told me about how he was accidentally involved in a bomb threat.

So he and his buddies would play football on the school field when school wasn’t in session, and one time there were people doing a photo op on the field, and they left their camera case. My boss, thinking it would be a kind gesture, brought the case to the main entrance so that the people could come back for it. Next time he was in school, he was waiting in the cafeteria for the first bell to ring, but the staff told them to stay in the cafeteria. They thought the camera case was a bomb when it was not.

megatron723

| Humaverse

#12 I Don’t Speak English

A few weeks ago, I was visiting Los Angeles. I’m from Spain, but I’m fluent in English. I needed help finding directions to a certain address. I’m in downtown at this point, on foot.

I ask a guy in the street if he knows where the address is. He responds with, “No hablo inglés” which is, “I don’t speak English” in Spanish. Being from Spain, I understood him and asked him again in Spanish. Then he says, in crystal clear English, “Dude, I just don’t wanna talk to anyone. Leave me alone.”

deleted

#13 This Music Teacher Tells It How It Is

When I was in middle school, I joined choir because I loved to sing. During rehearsals for one of our big showcases, the choir teacher pulled me aside and asked me if I could mouth the words to the songs instead of singing. My heart broke, I dropped the class, and I joined art. Forget you, Mr. Martin!

urask8rh8er

#14 The Quiet Kid Speaks Up For Once And Says The Weirdest Thing

One time in second grade, we were taking a state standardized test. One kid, who I haven’t heard say a word all year (this was the end of the year) stands up in the middle of the test in complete silence and says in an almost shout, “Has anyone seen Aladdin?” I reply, “The movie?” The kid says, “What movie?” in quite the inquisitive tone and sits back down as if that didn’t just happen. Everyone was shocked including the teacher. No one said a word after that. Weirdest moment of my life.

brandonyamamoto

#15 That’s One Way To Clean Up Spaghetti

So my family used to do a ton of road trips. We would drive about 14 hours every major holiday to see family. On the way, there is this wonderful Italian restaurant, but the portions are always so huge that we never finished the food.

Well, we had leftovers on the drive home, and my sister decided she was hungry. She wasn’t wearing pants, don’t remember why not. She ends up spilling the entire carton of leftover pasta onto her underwear. We all start screaming because we have nothing to clean the pasta up with, so my sister decides to use her underwear to clean up the spaghetti.

Well, now we have spaghetti in her underwear, which isn’t very helpful. So, what do we do with the spaghetti underwear? We throw it out the window. The underwear hit a car and splatters the windshield with spaghetti.

I’m really glad we don’t go on many road trips anymore.

Of-Flowers-and-Fire

#16 Peacocks Are Mean

Years ago, I lived in an apartment near a park that had caged peacocks. One escaped and started hanging out outside my apartment building. He would stay outside the door of the lobby and jump on everyone that was trying to get in or out like a maniac. He would also jump in front of cars trying to get out of their garage.

I honestly hesitated going out a couple of times because of the peacock block.

Don’t get fooled by their feathers; those guys are heartless like a Canadian winter.

An old lady would always bring food to an old, sick stray cat, and I saw the monster pushing the cat away to steal the food.

Someone eventually took care of it after three days. I hope it became a TV star on the rotisserie channel.

Sblenter

#17 They Were Either Aliens Or In A Cult

I was with two of my friends, around midnight. We were in high school at the time and were pulling into the parking lot of a park. We had been there several times before and it was private enough where nobody ever bothered us. One night, we pull in and see a group of people just walking across the parking lot from one side to the other, and into the pitch black field. They weren’t together, but there were almost 30 people throughout the parking lot just walking in the same direction. They looked like they were from all walks of life. A construction worker, kids, a grandma, all different looking people.
As we pulled into the lot and my friend’s car shined his headlights on some of the people, nobody turned around to look at us; they just kept walking without breaking eye contact with the field.

#18 The Jalepeño Guy

I work with a guy who ended up in the ER after an intimate night with his girlfriend. They tried something new and she had eaten jalapeños. A jalapeño seed entered into the wrong area, and well, he was in a lot of pain.

This is what he’s known for at work now.

BelgianDart

#19 Just Get On The Bus

I was walking to the mailbox late one morning because I was expecting something important. The mailbox is roughly a half mile from my house, and on the way, I have to pass a bus stop. I was moseying along when I see the bus pull up. I don’t think much of it because I’m not getting on the bus, I’m just going to the mailbox. Well, the bus waits and waits and waits. The bus is not leaving without me. Do I walk past the bus and ignore the situation? Do I thank the driver for waiting but explain I’m just getting the mail? No. I get on the bus. What do I do next? I miss the stop I was planning to get off on. Next stop? The next town over. The bus only comes by once an hour. And that is how I ended up in a Walmart parking lot at noon. Never did make it to the mailbox.

OnlyCheese

| Humaverse

#20 Grand Theft Polly Pocket

When I was five, I stole a Polly Pocket dress from my cousin and then I spent the next seven or so years worrying I’d go to jail if anyone found out.

#21 The “Elephant” Mask

When I was a 5-year-old child, I liked to spend a lot of time in my parents’ room, and one particular morning, I had found a cool little elephant mask. Naturally, I decided to play with it and put it on my face to show my mom. The horrified look on her face is what makes me remember this. However, she did laugh a little after she took the “mask” off my face.

oinbi

#22 Call Him General Underwear

When my parents bought a scanner in 1999 or something, my dad wanted to show us how it worked. So he grabbed something that was right at hand, in this case, a Captain Underpants book. He scanned it and saved the file with the title “Général Underwear.”

WinnipegGoldeye

| Humaverse

#23 This Babysitter Took Her Job Very Seriously

My local library was having one of those book sales, and while I was looking through the comic book section, this nice old lady comes up to me and starts browsing too. I think nothing of it, but then:

“If you were going into Grade 8, what kind of comics would you like?” She kindly asked me.

I asked her why, and she explained that a girl she was babysitting was going to be in Grade 8 in a few months and that she was getting her some books as a gift. I showed her some of the ones that I thought would be liked by any girl, and then we both parted ways.

I know it wasn’t much, but it touched my heart. I know I would have loved a babysitter like that.

-BobTub-

#24 Proof Of His Eyebrow

I shaved my right eyebrow in 5th grade! The teacher decided the next day we were doing candid photos of the students in the class. It took embarrassingly long for me to realize she just wanted proof of my eyebrow.

#25 Bigfoot Moved To Iraq

While in Iraq, we were sent on various missions. One night, the Iraqi police came to us terrified. They claimed that there was a giant hairy monster eating Iraqi police. They asked us to go hunt it down. We got our gear and patrolled Southern Fallujah for 6 hours. After the patrol was over, we were informed that we were hunting the Iraqi equivalent of Bigfoot. So there we were, hunting a Bigfoot in Iraq. God Bless America.

#26 McLovin For The Win

I once got beer using a McLovin ID from the movie Superbad.

I was on a business trip and was waiting for my flight when I decided to get dinner at one of the airport restaurants. The waitress asks me what I’ll have to drink, and I ask what’s on tap because, why not. I order a Corona, but she asks for my ID. So I hand her my McLovin ID. She looks at it, smiles, and says “Okay,” then comes back with my beer. The cherry on top was when she came back a couple minutes later with another beer and gave it to me for free, saying she had accidentally poured an extra.

That was the best moment of my otherwise uneventful and vanilla life!

baconanime

#27 An Interesting Way To Clean

If someone were to ask:

“How does your boyfriend’s roommate clean cups?”

I would answer:

“He uses the cup, then proceeds to run it under water while rubbing his thumb where his lips went. Then puts it back in the cabinet. We just found this out yesterday, and we are all mortified. He does this to glasses that we all use and also plates.”

Help.

run_forrest_run17

#28 Never Stay Mad, No Matter What They Did

I was in an off-and-on relationship with a girl for almost three years. The last break up was at my birthday party. She was tipsy and told me that she wasn’t in love with me anymore and wanted to focus on her career. To make things worse, she kissed my best friend in front of me. After that, I was hurt and mad at her.

Four weeks later, she was killed in a traffic incident. She was a reporter, and an idiot in a truck ran over her while doing her job.

I still feel horrible about it.

RadAlan

#29 Just Ask Google

Who is surprisingly good at computers?

My retired mom claims she is so bad with technology. The thing is, she pays attention to the error messages she gets and uses Google to find solutions.

supercheetah

#30 Dreams Do Come True

I had a dream I was putting on deodorant, and when I woke up I was rubbing my armpit with my cell phone.

heymrwindupbird

#31 Where Sea Cows Come From

My sister had a small plastic cow she kept in her pocket for like, a year, named Mooey. One day, she ran upstairs crying to me that she had accidentally flushed him down the toilet, so we held a vigil with candles around the bowl. My dad told her he was a sea cow now.

Aquadvrk

#32 Lost In The Digital World

One time, I was going through old family photos in a photo album. After a few minutes, I came across a picture of me and what seemed like my friend in the background. Curious, I started pinching my fingers on the PHYSICAL photo, worrying why it wouldn’t zoom in.

And then it hit me.

MhaAssassin723

#33 He Could Have Gone On To Be A Star

My older sister and I have the same initials. One time in primary school, my parents got a letter in the post saying that M.M. has been invited to an audition to sing in the national youth choir. They just naturally assumed that the “M” referred to my older sister. When they arrived at the audition, it turned out that the invitation was for me. They only told me about it years afterward. I still feel betrayed.

#34 That’s One Way To Catch Up With An Old Friend

I lost my wallet once in Las Vegas with about $300 in it. I was bummed out and figured my trip was ruined. My friends bought me a few beers to cheer me up, but I decided to slink back to my hotel room and watch TV. Right as I was entering the room, my phone lit up on social media. It was a girl I went to high school with saying she found my wallet by the hotel valet! I met up with her within minutes, and it turns out she was heading to a show and saw the wallet on the ground. She recognized me but was running late, so she decided to contact me when she returned to the hotel. We couldn’t believe how small of a world it was that she would find my wallet after nearly ten years of not seeing each other. It was truly nice to get it back (with everything still inside) and catch up with an old friend. I still can’t believe it sometimes.
| Humaverse

#35 This Family Code Works Through Comas

In my family, we have a thing where, when holding hands, one of us squeezes three times and the other responds with four. Simply a wordless “I love you” and “I love you too.” It’s been something we’ve done as long as I can remember. My father passed away from cancer not too long ago. He slipped into a coma the night before his death, and we all sat around him. I was holding his hand and gave it three squeezes, maybe out of habit. Despite the coma, he squeezed four times back.

#36 The Lies Parents Tell Their Children

When I was four, we traveled to a different state for a family holiday. My parents spent about a month beforehand casually convincing me that because of the time difference, I was going to be three, and not four, in the other state.

They didn’t want to pay for me to enter the theme parks so they didn’t want me to blurt out that I was four when they told the ticket sellers that I was three.

deesmutts88

#37 An Awkward Funeral

I get a call: “Your friend’s wife is dead.” I’m like, how? This is where it gets weird.

She was giving birth at home and died during childbirth. The baby died too. The problem is, she didn’t know she was pregnant the whole time and her husband (my friend) was 100% sterile.

The funeral was awkward, grieving for his dead wife and her love child. Mixed emotions to say the least.

#38 Messing With Tourists Is Fun

I live in a tourist town, and one morning, a traveling couple points at me and yells, “Hey, do you speak English? Where’s the train station?”
I replied, “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”
“Why not?”
I said, “I don’t speak English. Not a word of it.”
“Thanks,” he said, with a puzzled look on his face.

#39 War Stories Are The Best Stories

I met a guy who served in WWll while I was just sitting in a Great Clips waiting for a haircut. Best. Haircut. Ever.

ChipDibbles

| Humaverse

#40 All Hail The Wizard Of Dirt

One time in Environmental Science class, my group had to weigh out different types of soil on a scale for a project. The idea was to get as close to 10 grams as possible of each soil. We were at 9.751 grams, and our group was moving on to the next soil to weigh when I said, “Watch this,” and proceeded to pinch a bit of soil and drop it onto the scale. I swear the scale read 10.000 grams on the number and my classmates looked at me like I was some type of wizard. Best class ever.

DwikeSchrude

#41 Banana Peels

My friends and I were just chatting at college, and one was eating a banana. He threw the banana peel at the trash can, but it missed and landed just in front. Then a guy stepped on it, and he slipped. We were so shocked at it happening that the laugh inside us couldn’t come out. No one will believe me but the three of us know, and I still can’t laugh about it because of how funny it was.

endemolash

| Humaverse

#42 Kids Have No Shame

When I was eight, my family went to the Great America theme park. They had a Rugrats event thing going on, and you could get your picture taken with people in suits of the characters. I loved the Rugrats, but I hated Angelica. I got my picture with her, and after, I turned around and punched her in the nose.

#43 Traveling The Old-Fashioned Way

I hitch-hiked from Romania (Eastern Europe) to the Pacific Ocean in Siberia, through the Mongolian desert and back, about 30,000 km, or 18,000 miles. I never paid for accommodation or traveling, and I didn’t have a dictionary or map. I had an ancient phone with me but never powered it on. Took me three months.

#44 The Only Person Who Doesn’t Want Long Eyelashes

I have extremely long natural eyelashes, and always have since I was a young — and everybody always mentioned it; at church, when company came over, etc.

Well once when I was five, I went to the grocery store with my mom and the cashier pointed out my eyelashes and was doing the usual, “Wow her eyelashes are so long! They’re amazing, so pretty!” and I guess I had enough of it. So I went home, grabbed a pair of scissors, and tried to trim my eyelashes out of my angry 5-year-old spite.

I don’t remember much after that, but apparently, my mom came into my room crying because I cut them crooked, and she just laughed over how ridiculous I was being. I had to go to kindergarten that whole month with lopsided, weirdly cut eyelashes.

jellybloop

#1 Showing Up To The Interview In Style

I had a job interview in a city I didn’t know my way around. I took a train and a city bus and asked the bus driver if he could give me a heads up when my stop was coming up. He forgot, and I ended back up at the train station. He noticed me still sitting there, and that was his last round for the day. So he offered to drive me straight to the company. He delivered me to the front door with the city bus, the whole company saw that, and I had the best ice-breaker ever in an interview. Was hired too.

Advertisement