Bad pickup lines have been a comedic staple in our lives for years — and they’re not going anywhere. From accidentally comparing people to unappealing body parts to the classic one-liners, these are easily some of the worst attempts at flirting these people have ever come across.
My friend said he had a great pick up line. It was, "Are you my toe? Cause I wanna bang you against furniture at my place." My other friend, already tipsy, insisted that he would try it on a hot girl at a bar. We followed him as he approached and said, "Hey are you my toe?... Cause... you look... like my toe..." That was probably the worst I've heard.
I’ll never forget this. About 12 years ago now, a buddy and I sat down at a dive bar in our town. He looked at this chick next to him and just asked her, "Wanna bang?" She looked him up and down briefly and actually went, "Yeah… alright. Let me finish this drink first." It was equally impressive and disgusting.
My friend is blessed with looks and has had plenty of attraction from the ladies over the years. Easily the most over the top memory that comes to my mind was after a bar. He spotted a woman in the place, literally pointed at her and did the "come here" without saying a word. Believe it or not, they left together.
"Those glasses make you look like an adult star." When I visibly had a “what the heck are you talking about” look he then panicked and said, "No no. I meant they'd make me look like an adult star." He then took them off my face and put them on like, “See?” I did not see because, funnily enough, I couldn't see without my glasses.
When I was in college, there was one booze store in the area that wouldn’t ID, but barely anyone ever went there. I got there, picked a bottle and in front of me was a girl from the college. She got rang out and I grabbed my bottle. As I was walking out the door, this fat homeless guy looked at her and yelled, “Hoo girl, you look so good I just wanna chop you up and put you in my sandwich.” He then made a gross noise as he showcased how he would approach this metaphorical hottie sandwich. I’ve never seen someone run that fast to their car.
I had a period in my 20s where I was very desperate to find a new girlfriend (too desperate to succeed). I was trying to be funny and came up with the following idea: In Germany, a common term for hitting on someone is called "anbaggern" ("dig on someone"). So, I went to a toy store and bought a little Matchbox Toy Digger. I went to a club, chatted with women at the bar, and started casually playing with the toy excavator on the bar. I’d also touch her with the shovel until they finally asked, "What's that for?" I’d then answer, "Well, I'm digging you.” Never worked. Not my proudest moments.
I pulled this one straight out of Joe Dirt . I was tipsy and flirting with this girl at my friend’s party. I honestly wasn't getting the impression that she was that into me, but she still seemed to enjoy my company and it was a fun conversation. We were eavesdropping on these two other people who were flirting with each other hard. I forget exactly what it was, but the guy dropped some super corny pickup line and the girl absolutely swooned. We were laughing about it and then I just looked directly at her and said with all seriousness, "If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?" She did.
You have to have a whole bag of limes, every one of them with your phone number. Then, walk up to someone in the hallway and bump into them, spilling all the limes. When they help you pick them up, you keep fumbling and dropping them. When you finally get all but one of them, you nervously say "Sorry, I’m just really bad at pick up limes" and then run away. I got like four people to text me back, but I was just doing it for the joke, so I never really started talking to anyone.
I was bar hopping with some mates. Already quite tipsy, we walked into a bar, grabbed our drinks and sat down. One of my friends then turned to me and said, "Hey, watch this.” He walked up to this girl and asked, "Hey, did you fall from heaven?" She blushed and tried to answer, but he said, "Because it certainly looks like it." He cracked up and staggered away. I was absolutely stunned. I had to go and apologize on his behalf. Well, I ended up chatting to her the whole night, got her number and met up with her a week later. He insisted that was the plan all along, but I'm not convinced.
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One of my friends in university actually pulled on an online dating website by telling a girl, “Are you a dragon? Because I'd slay you.” Then again, he was super attractive, so that definitely helps. He could've told her she had a better chest than her sister and he still would've seen some action. The guy was drowning in matches.
I once asked a girl "Did it hurt?" and she gave me a seriously scornful look, expecting me to follow up with the old "when you fell from heaven." I followed up with, "When you burst through the Earth's crust as you ascended from the underworld, you contemptible harpy?" She wasn’t interested, but I did get a chuckle out of her.
We were in sixth form (same as college) and one of my friends was trying to teach me how to chat up girls in public. So he asked a gorgeous girl passing by, "Do you have a phone in your back pocket? Because I think your pocket is calling me." He got a smack for his trouble, while I got her number after explaining the situation.
A friend of mine has a prosthetic arm because he was afraid girls wouldn't like him if he just had a stub for an arm. He walked up to a girl and asked, "Hey, can you hold something for me?" The girl asked, "What do you need me to hold?" Then my friend said, "my hand" as his prosthetic arm fell off. The girl picked up his arm and said, "This arm?" Now they’re married.
My cousin went to the bar, walked up to a girl and asked to buy her a drink. She said, "Sorry, I have a boyfriend" and he said, "Oh, well I have a goldfish." He paused for a few seconds, then looked back at her and said, "Sorry, I thought we were naming things that don't matter.” Hand to God, he took her home that not and got his rear-end beat two days later. But he still holds that as his peak. I cringe when he brings it up. But hey, I can't blame him for not trying it again if it worked once.
I've met a lot of gross guys in my life, especially at a bar. I once overheard a guy asking, "You like the movie Monsters Inc. ? Cause I have a monster member.” But that's not the worst one. A tipsy friend of mine was sitting next to this lady once. She had been sitting there for hours, just chilling I guess. My friend didn't say a thing the whole evening until he had one too many. “Hey girl. Do you have a rock collection, cause I got something for you. It might not be a rock, but it sure is hard like one."
I was at our sports club after cricket. I also worked there during the week so I’d help serve if it got busy. This girl came up and said she would like a Harvey Wallbanger. I said I’d like to Harvey Wallbang her. I went home with her that night and we’ve been together for 10+ years. I was quite tipsy and don’t remember saying it. I still don’t know who it reflects more poorly on.
"If you were on the McDonald's menu, you'd be a McGorgeous." This pickup line wasn't used on me but I did manage to overhear it. What made this whole situation worse was that it somehow worked. What made it even worse again was that the guy using it was on a date with her best friend. They were all very tipsy.
When I was in college, I was at a bar with my sorority sisters. This guy, without asking, sat down at our table and asked, “Want to see a picture of me when I was young?” He then pulled out a picture of a little boy with a giant member photoshopped one him. To say I lost it on him would be the understatement of the day.
I was at a pub and this tipsy guy came up to me. He was in his early 30s and looked like a tough guy — bald with a full beard and a few tattoos here and there. I, on the other hand, was around 18, so he probably wanted to woo me with his wisdom and life experience. Of all the things he could have said, he chose very poorly. He looked into my eyes and, with a serious tone, said, "I know what it's like to be a pretty girl." It felt more like a confession than a pickup line.
I saw a girl online whose headline said, "I'm tired of Mr. Right hiding from me." So, I sent her a message that said, "Hi, my friends call me Mr. Right. I heard you were looking for me?". She just sent back "lol yeah" and I couldn't figure out if that was legit, so I didn't message her back in fear of burying myself further.
This girl I knew kind of well but not well enough to ask out or anything was at a bar I frequented during college. It was getting late and the lights turned on, indicating last call. She must have had no other options because she came up to me and said, "Wanna take me back to my place?" I paid my tab and we went back together. When I really think about it, it's kind of sad on my part because I was 100% her last option since the place was clearing out and all her friends went home. The morning after was her pushing me out the door to never speak of what had happened. But on the other hand: yay!
Years ago online, a guy messaged me with, "You’re cute, like a little mouse." And then two other guys messaged me the exact same thing. I Googled it and found a pickup artist forum with a list of suggested opening messages, including that one. I responded to all those guys with a link to the forum page. Somehow, none of them ever replied.
Back in college, I was at a club that was packed. My friends and I noticed this neckbeard hitting on a girl ten times out of his league. Normally, I root for the underdog but this dude just wouldn't leave the poor girl alone. He kept saying things like, "Come on baby, I'll make it worth your time," and "You know you want me, cutie." I cringe even remembering that guy.
I was having a smoke on campus after ditching class. An attractive woman of about 30 approached me and asked if I could light hers up. I obliged, she says thanks, then hit me with, “Wanna bone?” I was 15 and had just had my growth spurt, so I’m sure she had assumed I was in my 20s. Of course, it worked on me. We slept together for like four weeks after that. I never told her how old I was or even my last name and I never knew hers. She taught me good things. It’s been thirty years and that’s in my top ten most positive relationships. I hope she remembers me favorably.
My mom took me to a bar when I was 12 or 13. She took me there because my uncle wanted to meet us since we were there visiting relatives. They were chatting and I was just an awkward dumb kid, sitting there uncomfortably, hoping they don't notice a kid and kick me out. There were a bunch of foreigners playing pool nearby, and this one guy suddenly said in a loud voice, "Hey girl, is there a cellphone in your back pocket? Because that pocket is calling me." Being the 13-year-old that I was, that was the best pickup line I'd ever heard. But deep down, I cringed so hard. The rest of the group even went silent.
Any pickup line that includes stuff like negging. If you don’t know, negging is where a guy gives her a backhanded compliment as he believes that this will make her try to validate herself to that guy. To give a concrete example for a neg: "Hey, I like your dress. It looks like one that my grandma used to wear."
When I was a bouncer, I used to flirt with a lot of the female regulars that would come in just to make them laugh. One of them was wearing some camouflage leggings that left just about nothing to the imagination, so I thought I'd be funny. I said to her, "I can't see you in those camouflage pants. Could I get you to take them off?"
My girlfriends and I were at a party in my sophomore year. We were standing in the kitchen and a group of people left out the back door. Very soon after, a guy came up to my friend and said, “I’m trying to be where all the females are at!” while nodding and smiling. My friend did not pick up what he was putting down, she raised one eyebrow and said, “I think they all just went that way.” It was a gentle (unwitted) let down, but probably a bummer nonetheless.
Last year, a 23-year-old Korean girl approached me and asked if I play any role-playing games. I said not since I was in college, why? She then said, "You look bored and I'm about to go play a new one if you're interested." I said, “Maybe, what's it called?” Then she told me about this very obscene title regarding fantasies. I mean, technically the line worked since I was down, but what the heck?
It was at one of my high school’s homecoming games. I had been hanging out with a guy all night and by the end, I decided to ask him out. He got up and started walking away after a while of talking and I saw my chance. I yelled out, "Hey, you dropped something!" When I walked towards him, he asked what, to which I replied, "Hopefully your standards. Will you go out with me?" I then nervously ran off. Later he texted me yes. I had seen that pickup line on Reddit the morning before so I panicked and used it.
I (a 19-year-old female) was at a bar with some friends and I walked by this middle-aged lady. She just said, "I’ve never been with a woman before but if I did, you’d be my first." I just kind of awkwardly laughed and she kept calling me pretty and stuff while my friend wet herself laughing at the awkward situation.
I was at a restaurant one time and the waitress was really hot. So, I ordered a sweet tea. I finished it really fast and she asked if I wanted a refill. I told her I did, but unsweet this time, and I made a face like it was too sweet. She bit and asked if it was too sweet. I told her, “No, but you're already too sweet, and I'm gonna get cavities if I'm not careful.” She started blushing, sat down next to me and talked for a while. I got her number but I never did anything with it. I was working crazy hours at the time and was only in the area because I was helping my friend and his wife move. I actually lived about an hour away.
A guy once came up to me and three of my friends at a bar. He started to tell us about how his roommate was dating some European model. Okay, neat. He then went on to ask us if a girl having hairy armpits would be a deal-breaker for us because this girl did. It was incredibly weird for all of us and I haven’t forgotten it.
When I was 14, some dude who was 23 kept hitting on me at Whataburger. His pickup line had something to do with burgers. So when he asked, So, you gonna tell me your number?" I said, "Oh, yeah!" As he was reaching for his phone, I looked at my order number and said "37" then walked away. He was mumbling and grumbling after that and I became a legend with my friends with how smooth it was.
At a house party a long time ago, there was a couple making out on the trampoline. A cute girl who sat on our table asked, "What the heck are they doing?" So tipsy me replied with, "Something we’re going to do tonight". Everyone was silent and I was already regretting what I said. She looked at me and said, "Hmm, maybe" And that's how I ended up losing my V-card
I was at a party in college at someone’s apartment. They were moving out the next day and there was nothing in the apartment but a couch, one chair and a book of 101 pickup lines. Best party ever. Everyone was using bad pick-up lines on every person they talked to. There was no shyness, people were talking to people they might not have talked to otherwise, and everyone was enjoying themselves. Not sure how many of those pick-up lines worked, but we had fun. It being a college party, I remember this line working moderately well: “Hi, I’m from student affairs, wanna have one?”
“Do you have a bandaid? I scratched myself falling for you.” It actually worked because it's so dumb and I had a cheeky smile. Plus, it threw her off because she thought I actually needed a bandaid. Really cheesy pickup lines like that can work well as long as the context is you aren't being all serious about it.
For a while, my friend would say a different pickup line every time she saw me. Normally, she would do it in the middle of a hallway and practically scream it. My favorite one is, “Are you from Tennesee? Cause you're the only ten I see.” She's mostly stopped doing it, but every once in a while I get to hear a new one.
I had a friend in high school and we often joked around and flirted. However, I'm pretty sure neither of us liked the other one in that way. In any case, one day I told her I had a really dumb pickup line for her. "I'm like a Rubik's cube, the more you play with me, the harder I get." She laughed for a solid five seconds.
This one dude was totally stuck in the ‘70s. God, I’ll never forget him. He had on a wide-collared shirt that was open down to his navel, multiple chains nestled in his chest hair, you get the picture. He asked me, “Didn’t I see you playing the tuba at the Bach festival?” 20 years later and I still wonder what he was implying.
A friend once jokingly said what is probably my favorite pickup line that I’ve ever heard. She said, “Do you like sleeping?” And me, oblivious to her intentions, replied with, “Yeah, of course.” Her reply went something like, “Well, we should try it together sometime.” That completely sent me, let me tell you.
My science teacher in the eighth grade told us about a friend that he had. We were learning about enzymes, and one of them was DNA Helicase, which unzips DNA so that it can be replicated. His friend went up to a girl and said, “Are you DNA Helicase? Because I want you to unzip my jeans.” Man, that hurt to type.
I was with my cousin at a local bar; we must have been 25 or 26 at the time. It was filled with mainly grown people. My cousin noticed a group of women that he wanted to interact with. I said, “Go ahead, break the ice. I’ll follow behind.” As they started coming towards our direction, he blurted out, “Hey Ma!” God, it was so cringe-worthy, they didn't even look at him. They just kept walking. That had to hurt the ego a bit, but I distanced myself after that. Who yells that to a bunch of 40-year-old women?
My friend walked over and started grabbing at this woman’s waist. He said, "Sorry, I'm new at this my friend told me I'm supposed to give you my best pickup. Best pickup? No, that was the worst pickup. I didn't even get you off the ground." We all thought he was pulling the most elaborate but awkward joke ever. But he was serious since he thought that's what it meant. She actually thought he was being creepy, but after he apologized and explained she couldn't stop laughing and invited him to get a drink. They're married now.
My buddy was absolutely hammered and striking out with every girl we ran into all night. Finally, we ended up at this bar right at last call and he stumbled up to this very large woman. I'm talking 400 pounds, easy. He then said, "You look like you like donuts. You wanna try to smile like one?" She knocked him right out of that chair so fast, it was ridiculous. Needless to say, it's not the best line to try and get a girl by basically calling her fat.
There used to be this gas station company in my town called “Stop n Go.” Their slogan was, “We got the best buns in town!” So my friends and I always thought it was really funny to say to each other. Usually, our pickup line would go something like, “Hey baby, do you work at Stop n Go? Cause you got the best buns in town.”
I was parked outside of my mom’s house once, and out of nowhere, a car crashed into the side of my car. The driver and I got out of our cars and after apologizing to me, he asked, “Do you come here often?” I honestly never thought people actually used that line in real life. Not to mention, that was bad timing, no?
In seventh grade, my friends and I were playing truth or dare during recess. I was dared to flirt with my best friend’s older brother (who, by the way, never really liked me). I awkwardly walked up to him, and went “Hey! Got a raisin? How ‘bout a date?” He stared at me for a second, and then yelled, “I’m not a Communist!” and speed-walked away. 10/10, would do again.
Here's the best one I ever heard, directed at me. While sitting at a bar, talking to a girl, she said, "There are two things I'm really good at: water-skiing and in bed.” I replied, “Well, it's too cold to water ski.” I don't remember her name, (this was decades ago) but I've never forgotten her line. She was right, too. Although we never did ski.
At my high school, they had this valentine card that you could buy and send to your crush with a note. My friend had me write one to her so people thought she had a secret admirer. I purposefully used a bad pick up line. I wrote, "You're the wee wee to my diaper." It was immature but it was hilarious to my friends and I at the time.
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