Telling the truth isn’t always easy. When asked what lies they have told for so long that they have become part of them, these Redditors didn’t hold back. From small fibs to massive coverups, these stories will surely surprise anyone reading. Sometimes keeping up a lie is harder than simply telling the truth.
1. Xan The Man
My name is Xan. I told my Korean boss my name was Alex because she couldn't say Xan. Then I let it spin completely out of control. I was too uncomfortable to tell my co-workers it was something else and still haven't. More than 20 people at and outside of work call me Alex, even though I’ve been working there for two years.
Multiple times at work, someone has claimed to have seen me outside of work and called my name, but I didn't even look. Even though I don't acknowledge Alex as my name, whenever someone asks me my name it takes me a moment to decide which one to use.
2. Stoking The Stogie
When I was about 15 years old, my friends and I got some stogies. This was my first one ever, and I suspect, in hindsight, the first for my friends. Nevertheless, we all acted as though we were knowledgeable about them, ranking the ones we were using, etc. I decided to one-up everyone by saying that it was an “OKAY” stogie but not as good as a Cuban I had.
My friends jumped on me and pointed out that Cuban stogies were against the law and you can't get them here, which was news to me at the time. I quicklycovered up and said my uncle had brought them over from Cuba to a family gathering, and he had let me have one. To this day (I am now 31), any time stogies come up, one of my friends will say, "Gene, you've had a Cuban [one], right"?
I have to go, "Yep", and then brace for some line of questioning as to how they differ from the ones we get here. I make up some nonsense like, "Well, it's the way they're wrapped". That completely worthless lie is 15 years old.
3. A Fib Taken To A Different Degree
I graduated with an English degree and was trying to find a job where my (now) husband planned on going to graduate school. I promised him I wouldn't follow after him unless I had a job. I applied to anything and everything with no luck and was running out of time before he was going to move. That’s when I came up with a devious plan.
I changed my résumé up and said I was a business major instead of an English major. I got a job a couple of weeks later, which enabled me to move with him. I then combined my fake business degree with my job experience for an even better job several months later. I did this a couple of times more until applying for my current job. By that point, my experience mattered more than my degree, and nobody cared.
4. Signing Off On A Hot Topic
I used to show up early in middle school just so I could go to the library, take a saved cut-out of my father's signature, tape it to the parts he was supposed to sign, photocopy it, and trace the signature so I wouldn't miss points in my stupid home economics class. I did it the first time because I forgot, and every time after that to indicate that we spoke to our parents about stuff we talked about in class. It was always a hard topic to talk to parents about, and I honestly thought all that effort to fabricate that signature was better than talking to my parents.
5. This Tale Was No Accident
I tell people that the reason I got into a wreck and ended up paralyzed was that I fell asleep behind the wheel after closing the restaurant I worked at because I was just too tired due to going to school and working full-time. The truth is so much darker. The reality is that I was trashed, and I blacked out. I am so lucky I was in a single-car accident.
6. Playing Office Politics Sucks!
I recently broke my leg while wrestling with a friend at a party. I was afraid that I wouldn't get paid medical leave from work or any sympathy or time off from my boss or coworkers at my awful job if they knew I hurt myself because I was sloshed and having fun. So, I lied and said I broke it in a car accident. I had to keep up the lie at work and had to tell the fake story over and over to the clients we worked with.
It was so bad, I kept having to remind myself what really happened and that I could laugh about the truth around my friends who actually were there and witnessed the injury as it happened. The kind of lying I had to do in order to play along with office politics was awful and pointless.
7. The Tale Of Ricky Bobby
By my sophomore year of college, I'd gotten pretty tired of all of the professors that did that whole "errbody tell your life story" thing. Every single class I was in started like this. I get why they do this. I spent my first two years of college at a community college, so every class was filled with entirely new people. You'd never see someone you knew from a prior class—but still.
There were only so many times I could pick some interesting thing about myself to share. I got tired of talking about music or my hobbies for the thousandth time. I didn’t think anyone cared anyway. No one actually pays attention during those round-the-room things. It always looked like everyone's eyes glazed over, if they managed to stay open at all.
In the spring of my sophomore year, I had a public speaking class that was absolutely abysmal. I knew it was going to be terrible from the first day. Immediately, I knew that this was my chance. As the syllabus was handed out, I looked over the assignments; there were three presentations. I knew that each would be awful, and no one would be paying attention.
It would be like sanding your own tongue off in an attempt to get the most disinterested audience in the world to toss attention coins at your sickly feet or mouth. I wanted to entertain them, so I made it my goal. When the professor started calling on us to give our stories, I hatched a genius plan. I made up an elaborate story about how I was a race car driver.
We have a few tracks near us, so I just told everybody that I wasn't a big name, just a local guy. I made up a story about my car, about how I raced on the weekends. All these details, right down to the tires that were on my non-existent race car. All my presentations would follow this idea. I was a driver—a professional, real, knock-out driver.
All of this was told in an incredibly over-the-top manner. It was supposed to be a joke. I thought someone would call my bluff, but no one ever did. Every presentation in that class was miserable. But when I went, suddenly, people wanted to listen. This persona that I'd created was improv perfection. For whatever reason, my wiki-ed presentations on race gas, track configuration, and why Prii are terrible, were the most interesting things in the world.
As soon as I stood up there, it was time to listen, and they wanted to know every detail. These goons wouldn't listen to the dude talking about financial advice, or the guy speaking about his experience in Hawaii as a surfer, but apparently, I was the boredom whisperer or something. There was no way anyone could have fallen for this; I was so over the top.
I was Ricky Bobby and arrogant in the worst way. I made lame puns. My stories made no sense. I literally claimed my car, the same one I drove to class in, was my race car. I’d say, “Just some quick weekend conversions, bro. Attach a wing on it, haven't you seen the movies”? But they were thrilled. The professor thought I was incredible. I got an A.
I also got a bunch of confused friends. Every now and again, I'd see one of my classmates on campus. They'd walk on over and ask how the season was going. I told a few of them it was all a joke and basically, everyone found it funny. A few had caught on, apparently, but some were genuinely surprised. I still have no idea why they believed me.
8. Meal Myth
I hate pork, so much so, when ordering things like ribs, I would ask the wait person if they were beef or pork ribs. This usually resulted in a long delay as they went and checked, much to the dismay of the individuals I happened to be eating with. I got tired of explaining it, so I would just say, "I'm Muslim". Nobody ever pressed the issue, and friends still refer to me as their Muslim friend and censor themselves in regard to indelicate humor. I am a white Atheist.
9. Flunked Out
I told people that I left college and joined the IT workforce because my school cut the sport I was on a full-ride scholarship for. But what they don’t know is that I’ve been keeping a dark secret. They did actually cut the team, but the year after, I failed out due to not caring and drinking like a fish. I'm now 35 years old and attend the local community college trying to get some credits built up so I can transfer to a four year and finally get that degree.
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10. My Alter-Ego Took Over
I made up a friend in middle school. First, it was just to have an excuse not to see anyone outside of class or to have something to write stupid daily journals about. But soon, she evolved into her own persona with her own friends and family, issues, hopes, and dreams. From fifth grade, she was my older friend from my past school who talked to me on the phone.
In sixth grade, she became my friend who just moved back from Montana. Seventh grade and eighth were the years she really changed. She grew to become the girl I'd spend my weekends and spring breaks with. She became my bestie, my other half, and my soul sister. Eventually, her life leaked into mine. Her friends became mine, she and I shared talents and interests, and she kind of became who I wanted to be.
I think making an alter-ego of sorts helped me realize my own faults and what things I wanted to change; “she” was the push I needed to actually change for the better. I began high school and from then on, I actually made a point to be social, so the crutch of my alter-ego wasn't needed anymore. I'm in my junior year and I still occasionally slip the name "Mary Beth" into a conversation, just for old-time's sake.
11. I’m Going To Keep Milking It
I once told my boss and colleagues at a lunch function that I was lactose intolerant because I really didn't want a slice of cake that everyone was enjoying. It was made by a chain smoker who I know never washed their hands in the bathroom. But then things got more complicated. I started dating a woman from that same function. We’ve now been together for three years. I have been living my life lactose-free for the past three years for fear of ruining my lie.
12. Tripped Up
When I was a kid, I was walking home from my friend’s house and was going to be late. I had an extremely strict curfew; like one minute past curfew meant no outside for five days strict. So one of my older brother’s friends saw me, came up, and offered to give me a ride on the back of his bike. I agreed but right when we got near my house, I tried to ask him to stop because I didn't want to be given a hard time about rolling up with a boy.
Not only that, but he was my brother’s friend. He didn't hear me, so I jumped off and busted the life out of my knee. I told everyone it was from falling while running home to not be late. I didn't end up being grounded, I still have the scar, and still say it was from tripping.
13. The Dropout
In my early 20s, I worked as an in-home caretaker of the elderly. When I was first hired by the company, I was sent to a lot of one-day jobs; when the client’s regular caregiver was unavailable I would go fill in and then never see them again. Being a young lady, they ALL would ask me if I was in college, which I wasn’t. I was a college dropout.
Soon I got sick of the disapproving faces of these seniors whenever I would answer that I was not in school. One day, I arrived at another client who was new to me. They were a sweet older couple. They asked me, as they all did if I was in school. I was convinced I would never see these guys again, as was true for every client of mine up to that point.
So, I just answered, “Yes, I’m in nursing school”. Big mistake. I ended up being their regular caregiver for over two years. They often asked me how school was going. My best friend was actually in nursing school, so I always just parroted whatever she told me she was learning.
14. Blue For You
When I was just a wee lass in the first grade, I told a boy the lie that I liked the color blue. I didn't like the color blue. HE liked the color blue. I REALLY liked the color pink, but I needed to impress him, and thus, I was forever changed into a blue lover. This tormented my first-grade self for quite a while.
15. My MS Was BS
My lie is that I have a master's degree. I was trying to get into medical school, but I got denied after undergrad. I needed something to do for two years as I re-applied to med school. I started a grad program, and after a year and a half, I applied to med school. My graduation date for grad school was May. I found out I got accepted into medical school in March.
Since I was accepted to med school, I slacked off in my grad classes and failed my very last class. I couldn't graduate, as I was missing one credit. They didn't offer courses in my program in the summer. They wanted to me take one class in fall, but med school started in the fall, and I couldn’t be in two programs at once.
So, I said the heck with the graduate program. I went to med school and finished all that, and started working. Everyone, including the med school, friends, family, coworkers, etc., all think I have a master's degree. Even the hospital I work at thinks I do, and "MS" is after my name. It turns out I don't have the degree, I'm one credit short.
16. An Embellished Crush
In high school, I didn't have any friends. I had people to talk to at school, but I never hung out with them outside of school. Truth be told, my mom was my best friend then. There was a boy that I hung out with at school. I had a huge crush on him. His parents were friends of my family, so I think he ate lunch with me out of a familial obligation or something.
I always wanted to be a close friend of his, but was too shy to ask him to hang out. In college, if I talked about him, I would refer to him as my best friend. Even now, sometimes I forget that we didn't have this great buddy-buddy relationship where we went to the movies or bowling or skiing.
17. Coping With My PTSD
I never let on how bad my PTSD was. I wasn't in the Army or anything, I was just accosted. I got two hours of sleep every night for six-ish months because I was afraid to sleep in the dark in case I had a nightmare. So, I would only sleep during the day. By the time I slept, people were up and had no idea how much I was struggling. They didn't see how sleep-deprived I was—but it gets even worse.
For six months, I also only went outside to have a smoke and that was it. Now, every time some tough-looking person comes near me, I get scared out of my mind. I had therapy for it, but PTSD is something that is always with you. If my partner isn't in bed with me when I sleep, the lights are on. I am contemplating how I'm going to manage five months at law enforcement training if I get accepted.
18. Bordering On The Truth
I met my wife on one of those telephone chat dating things back in the 90s. Basically, before OKCupid, you would sign up for a voicemail and describe yourself. We connected and went out, however, were both embarrassed for using it. Fast forward 18 years, and we continue to tell everyone we met in the music section at Borders.
19. This Lie Left Me Stinging
I had just turned 10 years old, and I had just bought these ridiculously cool skates, the kind with two wheels in the front and two in the back, with my birthday money. I took those bad boys out for a test run around my house. So, there I was with these black and pink skates and a matching helmet, trying to get some balance.
Across the street in front of my house was a bus stop. I was gliding gloriously on the road and towards one opening of the stop. I made it. I took a seat and, for a few moments, admired my skates, swinging them back and forth. I got up and lost my balance. Luckily, my hand grabbed a handrail. It would have been fine—but there was something I didn’t anticipate. There was a wasps’ nest behind that rail.
I screamed in pain and panic. A wild swarm of wasps started to come at me inside this bus stop. Since I was wearing skates that I had just got, I couldn’t get back up. I was crawling out of this God-forsaken area while getting stung everywhere. I got out, unlaced my skates, and ran screaming down the road. Since then, I will not step foot at a bus stop, but I just tell people that I think bus stops are disgusting and avoid the whole crazy wasp story.
20. Poetic Justice
When I was a kid, I was practicing my handwriting in my room. I copied a long poem from a book over and over again until it looked good. Then, I ran downstairs to show my mom my proud achievement. I must have been about six years old. She looked at it, looked at me, and said, "You wrote this"?! Before realizing what she meant I said, “Yep"!
She was talking about the actual poem! The poem was shown to everyone. It got taken to school and shown to all the teachers, and it even got entered into a competition and published in a children's poetry book. Everyone thought I was so clever, but I wasn't. Not only that, but my handwriting still sucks.
21. I’m Just A Girl
I play World of Warcraft. I've become good friends with this one player over time, and we even started a guild together. He's a 20-something guy, and since he sees my brother's name on my account since we share one, he thought I was a guy. I never corrected him, and he thinks I'm a guy the same age as him, and he thinks my brother's name is mine. I consider him a good friend, but I don't think I'll ever tell him that I'm actually a 16-year-old girl.
22. His Lies Did A Disservice To All
My ex-husband had a disability since childhood. However, as an adult, he started telling people a twisted lie—that he had become disabled while serving our country. He did this for so long, he got really good at telling the lie. I never knew the truth until we had been married for five years and he told me himself. I asked him why he had lied to so many people and for so long, and he said it was the only way he could get respect from anyone.
The man had serious anger issues. Instead of trying to be nice when things go wrong and trying to discuss the issue, he would stalk you, mess with your mind, and test you for loyalty. He would monopolize your time and corner you until he'd said his peace, which could take forever. If you refused to listen, he'd follow you, nudge you, bother you, and invade your personal space until you either broke down and listened or warned to call the authorities on him.
He also had a drinking problem. I left him not long after he confessed. After we separated, I discovered many, many other things that he had lied about. There were others who knew his secret but didn’t tell me. Even someone who worked closely with me knew and never bothered to pull me aside and say, "Hey, [he’s] lying about all that. I have proof".
He even lied about being a Veteran to his own kid! The lies didn’t end there. He also ripped off a story from some WWII book to tell me about how his best friend lost his life in his arms when he was actually alive and well. He completely diminished what real Veterans deal with day after day by taking up the cloak of one in order to gain sympathy and respect.
23. Cut It Out!
I was in middle school, I enjoyed faking being sick so I was able to skip school, especially if that meant my parents were at work and I was all alone. I was able to make hot chocolate and play video games all day. It was a great time. At the time, I didn’t think much about the excuses I used, so most of the time it was just “sore throat”.
After having used that excuse several times over the period of a year, my parents finally took me to the doctor to have my throat looked at. That’s when things started to spin out of control. They did find one of my tonsils was noticeably larger than the other one and figured this could have been the cause of my issues. So, they suggested surgically removing it. I was around 10 years old so I didn’t realize what surgery really was, so I didn’t come clean.
A few weeks later I was on the surgical table. To this day I haven’t told my parents about it, and I’m 26. On the positive side, I was ordered to stay home from school for 14 days after the surgery, and the doctor told me to eat lots of ice cream. So it was a win for me, I guess.
24. A Tall Drink Of Deceit
The first lie is that I don't drink booze because when I was in high school, the second time I ever got sloshed, I beat some poor kid unconscious. That usually stopped people from trying to get me to drink at gatherings, because telling people you don't drink is not enough. They believe it’s because you just have not found the right drink yet, and keep telling you to try different ones.
I used this lie for years until some Australian called me out on it. He said, "But mate, that was more than 10 years ago. People change and you don't seem like such an angry guy"! On that day, I looked him in the eye and told him, "Truth is, that during my time in the Navy, [booze] used to take me to a dark place, and sometimes I would take out my aggression when [sloshed] on little white dudes because [I] hated white people for some reason".
25. In Too Deep
I don’t know how I’ll ever get out of this one. I lie about how deep my voice is. When I started high school, I didn't like how much higher my voice was compared to everyone else's, and I didn't wish to wait for puberty to finally fix it. The summer after my freshman year, I began practicing a deeper voice and worked to integrate it into my everyday speech. I came back the following year, and everyone assumed my voice changed from delayed puberty.
My voice eventually did deepen, but I kept the practiced voice instead. It has been so many years that I never notice it anymore. It is subconscious, but at times I slip back into my "normal" voice, and people ask if I am okay. I don't think I could ever go back to my "normal" voice full-time.
26. My Everything Was Nothing
I told him I loved him. He was my first. My protector, my supporter, my guardian. He was there for me when my little sister outed me. I'm a guy. He was my rock throughout my parents' divorce. He got me my first job and comforted me when I got fired. He quit on moral grounds to defend me. We were poor together, and we were rich together in both money and spirit. For three years, I told him I loved him, and it breaks my heart because I never loved him.
27. My Root Is The Problem
I recently had a genetic test done to see if I had any of his health issues. That’s how I made a disturbing discovery. I found that I'm actually half-Chinese through the included ancestry report. Which means the man I thought was my father…isn’t. My mom would've taken that little gem to her grave. I don't speak to her currently, as I found out last month.
I'm nearly 30, and my dad departed from us a couple of years ago. It bothered me and will continue to do so, but my day-to-day struggle is what to say to people when they ask me. I have blue/brown hazel eyes and other less common features, so the Asian look confuses people. I can pass for being not Asian because we have a fair amount of Native-American in our tree, and my family is mixed beyond belief. My genetic map has representatives hailing from nearly all corners of the globe.
28. Psych! It’s A Lie!
That I'm always busy and studious, planning on a degree in psychology. I tell this to people to impress them, but the truth is even though I do tend to study often, I am very lazy. I play video games and browse the internet a whole lot as well, and I'm mostly looking for a job. I want one that I'm happy with and one that won't require me to go to school for a long time.
29. Blind To The Truth
For the past 10 years, I have told everyone I met that I am colorblind. This is actually partially true as I am red/green colorblind, but most people who you tell that you are colorblind will automatically assume that it's much worse than it actually is. They will also inevitably ask you, "What color is this"? Since I am red/green colorblind, I often get that question wrong because the person has asked about the color of something that is orange, a tough shade of red or green, or light brown.
The part about my lie is that I finally got so frustrated about it all that I stopped answering the question altogether. This led several people to automatically believe that I was extremely colorblind (black and white dog vision, really). I never bothered to correct them. Six years passed, and I was at a youth retreat that my parents wanted me to go to.
I was exhausted, sitting down at a service going on with people yelling and running around and whatnot, when this guy who I didn’t know, sat down next to me and leaned in close. He said, "Hey, I heard you're the colorblind kid". To which I responded, "Yup". The guy looked at me skeptically, and a friend of his sat down with him.
"Well, what color is that"? he asked while pointing at a poster hanging from the ceiling. At first, I didn’t answer, I just sat there. I was so tired of this question, but he kept on asking. This guy asked probably eight times. That’s when I’d finally had enough. I answered, "It's blue". The guy freaked out and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me up and shouting, "Jesus has healed him! Jesus has healed him"!
I got dragged to the front, and a crowd of about 30–40 people surrounded me, shouting and praising their Lord on high. I wanted to correct them, but my public anxiety had taken hold, and when I opened my mouth, nothing audible came out. One month later, I was still colorblind, I was still an atheist, but I had given a sermon on the power of God and given two camp meeting speeches.
All of those resulted in alter-calls where people were "healed". To this day, they still don't know I'm still colorblind, and I still get emails from them wanting me to speak at their church. I find it kind of funny.
30. False Friends
I actually sincerely dislike most of my friends. There are few people I actually would get along with if I acted like myself, but in real situations or work, I act bubbly and happy all the time. Mostly, I want to punch their faces. It gets awkward when they invite me to do things, and I come up with excuses every time. I'd rather be home with my pets watching movies than hanging out with people I only pretend to like.
31. The Graduate
I tell everyone that I graduated from high school—but when I say it, I’m hiding someone. I really did graduate, but not at the same time as my classmates. I failed a course and had to take summer school to get my diploma. Luckily, I still walked with everyone. I had to hide the fact I didn't have a diploma right away from my dad by saying I took it to my Air Force recruiter so he could do what he needed with it before I got shipped off to basic training.
I finished summer school and received my diploma, but never told my dad about what happened. Sadly, my dad passed a little over three years ago, and I no longer have to tell this lie. My sister knew about it but was kind enough never to tell Dad. I just didn't want to disappoint him. He is the one person in my life who I have always looked up to.
I'm sure he would have been okay with it and would have told me so, but in my mind, I just didn't want to see that small glimmer of disappointment and loss of pride in his son. It would have only been a fleeting glimpse but would have been enough to crush me.
32. The Deed Of Deception
When I was in college, I came out as a lesbian. My friends asked me if I ever slept with a guy. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to say that I had. I told them of a time a gay guy friend and I were in my bedroom, and we were crying together because being gay in our small town was scary. We ended up holding each other, then kissing, then briefly doing the deed, just to try.
The lie was actually based on a true story. We did cry, we held each other, and we almost kissed but didn't. And, of course, the actual part never happened. But I told the false version of that story for years when a new friend or acquaintance asked if I had been with a guy.
33. Nothing Pure About This Pretense
I told all my friends that I wasn't a virgin. I felt embarrassed that I was the oldest of the group and the one with the most female friends, yet I was the only one who has never done the deed. Then I took it to the next level. I went to the effort of creating fake Facebook accounts and signing up for pre-paid mobile numbers, so I had a number that rang. I also actually paid for a service online for a girl to talk to my best friend to convince him that she was real and she had gotten busy with me.
Two years later, I am still a virgin, but now there have been two different girls that I had a “casual relationship” with. I am way too deep in now to turn around and say April Fool’s, guys. It is the biggest and longest lie I have ever kept running. It makes me sick.
34. Stuck In A Life Of Lies
My lie is that I love my wife. In reality, I chose to love her and worked hard to do so. But if I were given the opportunity, I'd happily move on with my life without her. However, I'm afraid of losing her and all the stuff that would happen in my life if I tried—kid, job, family. All would basically disappear overnight. The cost-to-benefit ratio is just not in my favor, and I feel stuck more often than not.
35. Drawing Up A False Future
My lie is that I want to be an engineer. I'm about a year away from graduating, and I honestly don't give a hoot about anything I'm learning. My college experience has been "fake it 'til you make it" from day one. I thought things would change over time, but it's all the same. I'm doing well enough, but I can't see myself loving going to work every day.
Still, I have these grand plans for my future in engineering. Everyone is so excited that I'm going to be an engineer. My younger brothers think I'm the man. In reality, I'd rather study art.
36. Fooled Them With My Cheekines
I can fake a butchered accent that hails from somewhere in England. I was able to actually convince somebody that I was from England, and so for about three weeks—I saw them every other day on average—they believed I was foreign. Then one day, I finally decided to randomly stop speaking with my accent. So when I started talking normally in front of them, their reaction was hilarious. They looked at me and said, "Oh wow! Your American accent is great"!
37. Deception with Trust Fund
My lie is that I graduated college. I never put it on my resume, but through word of mouth and the way I present myself, I have managed to land a fairly easy and quite high-paying job due to this non-existent degree. I also say that I run my own business—in the field of my fake degree—in addition to my regular job and that it pays me even better, which is why I have so much money.
In reality, my father simply passed when he was in his 40s and left me a large sum of money. I use the interest to subsidize my income. I don't want to be seen as a trust-fund kid, or have to tell people how my father passed and that I am horribly depressed. So I just fake being an outgoing businessman.
38. Not In The Mood To Tell The Truth
I tell myself and everyone that I'm not bipolar. I almost always control myself in a respectable manner and get along with people, and actually think of myself as rather optimistic, in a realistic sense at least. From what I can tell, people like me most of the time. However, I have an unjustified rage that springs from no specific place.
I also generate practically unfounded stress on myself and grind my teeth in my sleep. I envy others quite a lot, but I have never entertained the thought of hating someone for very long. Usually, the hate/jealousy is turned inwards, and I use it as some sort of mental sculpting tool to try and coax myself into a better-shaped individual.
I have an immense ego that I hate because it gives me confidence that feels fake because I don't feel like I've accomplished anything impressive. I have a narcissistic view of myself and often use what I consider to be my good-looking face as justification for potential future greatness. Other times I'll feel nothing at all while I just exist unmotivated and lost in my own thoughts.
Sometimes I'm suddenly the most joyous person for no particular reason, but I've learned to control myself very well. I have lied to doctors before to throw them off my back so they would stop trying to medicate me. I haven't been to a doctor for psychological reasons for over a decade, so I feel well-adjusted. I don't want people to treat me like I'm something special that needs their attention.
I have no strong desire to conform either. It's more of a feeling that I can handle myself, and If I wanted help I would have asked for it. I'm not broken, and I want to appreciate people’s concerns, but they just make me immensely bitter.
39. Full-On FOMO
Sometimes, when I miss something really cool, I decided to implant myself in that memory. For example, I was part of a soccer team. I got sick one Friday night, and decided to not go to the Saturday game—bad mistake. I was talking to my friend on Facebook and he started raving about the game. Apparently, there was a bit of push and shove, which lead to a full-on brawl with almost everyone involved in the middle of the pitch.
I was so annoyed I'd missed that. The next day, I was talking to a friend's girlfriend, and she seemed to think I had been there, so I went along with it. Then when it was discussed at school and people asked me of I'd been there, I said yes. I used the information I'd garnered from that first Facebook conversation with my friend.
One year later, everyone still thought I was there and punched some guy, even the guy who first told me about it. Once, a guy said to me, "I'm pretty sure you were sick that day", but then my other friends backed me up, unknowingly supporting a lie. I've talked to so many people about it, that I know what happened on that day better than anyone. I don't know why I implanted myself into everyone's memory of this. I mean, I still missed it, but having people think I was there is oddly satisfying.
40. Location, Location, Location
People don’t think that I moved across the country simply because I wanted to. People kept asking me why, as if there had to be some huge reason. So I made up a lie. I started saying that my grandparents used to have a vacation home here, and I would spend the summers in this area. Suddenly, everyone started saying, "OH", like it somehow magically made sense now.
41. Suck It Up!
When I was 12 or 13 years old, I was overweight for my age. I was tired of my stomach sticking out so far, so I decided to try and suck in my gut and go as long as possible with it like that. Eight years later, I don't even realize that I am doing it anymore. I will be halfway through my day when I suddenly realize that I have been holding in my gut for the last eight hours.
42. No Escaping This Lie
I have been telling my mom for years that I am not upset that she stayed with the man who she knows hurt me for years. Now I'm freaking out. He gets off parole at the end of next month, and he and my mom are pressuring me into asking the courts to take him off the offender's list. I'm afraid of saying no now because I'm afraid my mom will hate me and never talk to me again. I still hate him, and I keep finding excuses to avoid them entirely. I even looked at moving to another state.
43. Everything Is Awesome!
I lie to everyone and tell them that I'm awesome and feel good about myself when I’m not, and I don’t. As a joke, when people would ask me how I was, I would enthusiastically say that I was “awesome”! Then, it started to become a part of me and how I looked at myself. It turned into confidence, and I now tell myself that “I'm awesome” if I'm uncomfortable or out of my element. It's calming and reassuring.
44. Gossip Hounds Are Haunting Me
The fact that my ex and her new boyfriend like to make fun of me doesn't bother me. I know it shouldn't. I haven't seen her or him in over a year, but I know through multiple acquaintances it's still going on. Thing is, it doesn't even matter that it's an ex, it's just that it's going on at all. I feel like I'm a good honest guy.
I'm just clumsy and stutter when I'm nervous, so it's really just affecting my self-esteem and I really need that right now for my job. I can barely speak for days after I hear about it, and it makes me depressed to the point I get so lethargic I break plans that I've had for months.
45. Overcompensating Fool
I have no concept of how real human communication, empathy, or sympathy work. I am crippled by the fear of people thinking I am quiet and awkward, so I force myself to be boisterous and clever to throw people off my trail. Somehow, this has made me well-liked. In reality, I don’t know what on earth people see in me. I don’t know what is appropriate or what isn’t. I’ve heard myself in home videos and I hate who I act like.
46. A Second Set Of Books
In school, I accidentally left a notebook in a class. It was a new notebook, and during that class, I had only written one page—a rather embarrassing page. I realized later that I’d forgotten it, and someone was going to find it and open it to see whose it was. They would be met with no name, just a page of writing so bizarre that they were surely going to want to find who wrote it.
So, I started faking an entirely new notebook of notes and assignments, using a whole made-up handwriting style. Eventually, the principal called me into her office and asked me if that notebook was mine. I told her it was not and that it didn’t look like my writing. I showed her my other notebook for comparison.
47. A Tale As Tall As A Tree
When I was around 11, my friend's little brother threw a chunk of ice at my face, and it hit me in the temple. I only got a scratch and a headache, but I was mad because it hurt. It was at recess, so I went to go tell a teacher. Then, as I was about to rat out little bro and get ice for an ice injury, I felt bad. I decided I just wanted to scare him so he wouldn't do that again.
I quickly told the teacher that I walked into a tree and pointed in his direction for the scare factor. He ran away. The teacher was confused but wrote me a pass to go to the office. When I got there, the person that took my pass and read it burst out laughing and said, "That takes talent"! Because it was a head injury, I had to call my mom and tell her.
I told her the tree thing as well, and since then, nobody knows that I decided not to get a kid suspended and, instead, made myself look stupid by lying. I've been telling the story for so long I start to see it in my brain.
48. I Secretly Stalked My Wife!
My wife thinks we met on the internet—but there’s something that she doesn’t know. We actually met on a bus, almost a full year before we met “for the first time”. I was utterly captivated by the way she looked, the way she dressed, and oh God, how lucky I felt when she sat down beside me. I deliberately missed my stop just to stay next to her for an extra 30 minutes, and then got off where she did.
I immediately stopped and pretended to make a phone call as she walked off. I waited until she was too far away to hear me. This is where it gets really weird. Seeing that she hadn't looked back at any point, I found the courage to follow her home. With her address at hand, I returned to my own home to try and find the name. I didn't have any luck trawling public records, so in desperation, I had MySpace bring up the profile of every female user in the area.
I scrolled through page after page of profile pic thumbnails, but I recognized her instantly. What followed was nine months of trying to contact her. I didn't rate my chances highly, so I decided to contact her first on some fake profiles to give myself a safe sandbox to get to know her without any risk of my mistakes damaging my chances with her. Then, when I felt I knew enough about her, I would contact her from a genuine profile.
It was tough at first. The first two accounts didn't even get responses out of her, so I started looking at the profiles of her existing friends and mimicked those, copying their interests and music tastes. I started chatting with her, first from one identity, then from another. At one point, I was talking to her under three different names at once, each with a different personality, as I tried to figure out who her perfect guy was.
Eventually, when I was ready, I friended one of my fake profiles with my real one and then had the fake me invite the real me into a group chat with her. We connected instantly, and it was magical. I could always say exactly what she wanted to hear, my sense of humor was perfect, my politics and worldview mirrored her own, and we loved the same music.
We had so much in common! It took me just one more month to finally meet her in person for the first time. I was absolutely paranoid she'd recognize me as “the guy on the bus that one time”, but she didn't. Two years later, I married her, despite our entire relationship being founded on my lies. Whenever I think about it, I feel like a creep or a stalker. But then I look at her, and she's here, happy with me still. It's me who suffers with the truth, not her.
49. Blocked Out
My best friend freshman year went to rehab after moving, and when he came back, he was so different that it scared me. I overreacted so horribly. I blocked his number and told everyone I knew that he had taken his life. It's been almost six years, and nobody knows he's happily engaged, and living up in New York. I don't know why I did it, and it's been so long that I can't tell anyone that he's just fine. We even still talk from time to time.