There’s nothing quite like witnessing swift, karmic justice in action. It can really brighten up a bad day, and it serves as a reminder that there really is a sense of fairness in the world. These moments also remind you that karma can be a real witch sometimes, so it’s best not to get on her bad side. These Redditors know that first-hand.
1. Oh, Poop
The other day, I was taking my dog for a walk around the neighborhood. She squatted down to take a poop and I reached for my doggie bags...only to realize I was fresh out. So, I peeked around to make sure nobody was looking, and then I just left it. 10 minutes later, I'm walking across the road and what do you know? I step in dog poo. I wasn't even mad; I knew I deserved it.
2. The Swift Kick of Karma
I was at a party, and this one girl couldn't stop talking smack about this other girl who was coming to the party. When the girl finally showed up, this dude picked her up and hugged her. He then spun her around so fast that she accidentally kicked her frenemy right in the face. The girl's drink spilled all over her and she got a black eye.
I got rear-ended in a turn lane because the girl was texting. I went to her court date hoping she'd get a big fine or something. She got a $50 ticket, so I was a little bit upset. As I was sitting at the stop light to pull out of the court, I watched karma in motion. She came out, ran a red light...and T-boned an officer. I laughed my butt off at that one.
4. Slamming the Slow Door
I was kicking a customer out for being insensitive and cursing at one of my employees. He yelled offensive stuff and then he tried to slam the door on his way out, but it had one of those things on it that makes the door close slowly. He pushed it hard, it didn't budge, and he slipped and fell on the floor. We had a good laugh.
5. No-Grass Pass
I was on a crowded subway at 2:00 am. Two dudes were being idiots and doing illegal thing. The whole train kept ignoring them, and they kept parading around being a bunch of morons. Then they spotted two taller, athletic-looking dudes and started making fun of them for "looking like the authorities". This turned out to be huge mistake.
It was the line "Which one of you is the sergeant??" that finally put the athletic guys over the edge. They looked at each other, smiled, reached into their pockets, and pulled out their badges. "Okay boys, empty your pockets". The subway blew up in laughter...they would have gotten away with EVERYTHING if they just didn't go bother the two plain-clothes officers.
6. Digging Your Own Hole
I was running laps on a grass field when I was about to lap a guy who would ALWAYS lap the tar out of me. So, as I passed him I yelled, "Gotcha, loser!"...and immediately stepped in a hole in the ground and twisted my ankle. Despite the pain of jacking my ankle up, I thought the karmic payout was hilariously timed.
7. Three Cheers for Tattlers
When I was in first grade, my class had recess and this jerk pushed me to the ground. I fell and was about to go off on the kid when this fourth grader came over, lifted the kid up, and took him right over to the principal. Karma is absolutely amazing and nobody can convince me otherwise thanks to what happened that day.
8. That’s a Penalty
When I was a kid, we visited Montreal, and I had gotten a hockey puck as a souvenir. While we were in our hotel, my sister decided to mess with me by hiding it. I got mad and yelled in my high-pitched voice, "GIVE ME BACK MY HOCKEY PUCK!" before smacking her in the head with a pillow. Well...guess where she had hidden it.
9. From Flipping out to Tripping out
This woman comes to the counter at a fast food restaurant and berates me for under-cooking her beef patty. The patties are all cooked on a timer, and the meat looked normal. Finally, we remade her entire order and handed her the tray. She whines some more, turns around, and then immediately trips and falls, all of her food and drink spilling everywhere.
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10. Gnarly, Dude
I'm from San Diego, and during the summer you have to claim the bonfire pits on the beach really early in the morning if you want it for that night. So, my friends and I got to the beach at 8:00 am and stayed there so we could get a bonfire going into the night. Just before sundown, this one couple asked if they could share it with us.
Since our group wasn't too big, we said yes. However, that couple proceeded to bring a group of like 15 others and they literally surrounded the pit and pushed us out. We were furious, but we were so tired from being at the beach all day that we decided to head out. Little did we know, they were going to get what was coming to them.
See, it turns out that that night had an extreme high tide warning. Just as we moved all of our stuff, a huge wave came in and washed out their whole group. The wave flipped over their table of food, took a handful of sandals into the ocean, and destroyed all their stuff. Karma's a witch, you bunch of no-good liars.
11. Taking in the Scenery
My brother was making fun of an old man slowly shuffling across a parking lot for no reason. "Look at Speedy Gonzalez " or something, he was saying. About two seconds later, my brother bashes his foot on the cement parking barrier. He limped back to the car as I laughed wildly. Don’t mess with old people, ya freaking jerk.
12. Worth It?
When I was a teenager, I was mowing the lawn and noticed a big ant hill. I thought to myself, "Screw those ants," and I positioned the mower on top of the hill and let it sit there while I gleefully destroyed the ants' home. I started feeling stinging around my ankles and when I looked down, I discovered I was standing in an even bigger ant hill. The next day, my legs were covered in swollen ant bites.
13. This Stag Bucks
Last spring, I didn't get a date to the junior prom. I wasn't thrilled but I figured I'd go stag. I found the perfect dress and was actually really excited. Then my group of friends said I couldn't come with them. Why? I didn't have a date and it would "ruin the pictures" if I stood by myself. And wouldn't it just be so awkward for me?
They also said it would be somehow "weird' for me to get ready with them and this girl's house beforehand. And of course, wouldn't I just be so uncomfortable being the only one in the limo with no boyfriend? And what would I do afterwards? Everyone knows what happens at the parties. So, I didn't go at all. Guess whose limo never showed up?
14. The Countdown Begins
I work for a unloading service in a warehouse. One of the guys on my crew is an absolute little whiner sometimes. Complains about his work, tries to leave early every day, bums smokes off everyone without ever bringing his own pack, etc. He even owes some of my other coworkers money, I believe. But the worst was yet to come.
On Thursday, he lost his mind over a produce load and threw a temper tantrum: Kicking boxes, tearing down tall pallets of product, and causing a lot of damage...right as the site manager walked by his trailer door. Got suspended without pay and was told he is on his last chance with the company. Sweet, sweet, karma.
15. The Big Boom
This is from my younger years. A friend of mine had a cousin visiting around Victoria Day in Canada, which involves a lot of fireworks. When I went to visit him, I was told he was in the backyard. I go back there and he and his cousin are setting off firecrackers. I ask if I can set a couple off, and they both start tossing lit firecrackers at me while laughing.
I figure that they are both acting like greedy jerks, so I decided to leave. Just as I'm about to, a spark gets into the firecracker bowl they had. The entire bowl ignites, no more firecrackers. The stunned look on my friend and his cousin's face was pure "karma is a witch". I laughed at them, since I'm sure they planned a whole afternoon of setting them off.
16. No, Woman. No Cry
Not my story, but my mom's. Apparently when she was a young lass, there was a girl at school who was always a major jerk to her. Hated my mom for whatever reason and always made fun of her. Fast forward to my mom as a college-aged woman, now dating a guitarist from Bob Marley's band. She's out at a bar with him getting a drink.
Dude goes to the bathroom and said jerk from back in the day comes up to my mom and says, "Oh my god, did you see who is at this bar?!" At that moment, dude comes and puts his arm around my mom and says, "Hey babe, what's happening?" She said the look on that girl's face was absolutely priceless. Talk about sweet revenge.
17. If the Shoe Hits
In high school, a buddy and I found an old shoe in my gym's locker room. I looked around, made sure no one was looking, and threw it a few aisles over. I heard a kid yell "What? Someone threw a shoe at my head!" We laughed and walked towards the exit. As we get to the door, I get hit on the head by the same shoe. Instant karma.
18. Need a Shoulder to Cry on?
I was sitting on a highway late at night because of a bad car accident. The highway was packed and barely moving. One guy thinks he's smarter than everyone else and tries to drive on the shoulder. He makes it a good way before running into an on-ramp, also packed with cars. He had nowhere to go, and no one let him in.
I went from watching him pass me and almost getting out of my view to passing him and losing sight of him in my rearview. Now that’s some sweet, sweet karma if I’ve ever seen it.
19. The Final Karmic Strike
I work in an ER. Once a girl got brought in by ambulance because some stranger had just tackled her to the ground and tried to drag her down an alley. A Good Samaritan managed to chase him off and call the authorities. Well, like 20 minutes later they brought in the same guy having a full-on heart attack.
Turns out the authorities found the attacker and chased him several blocks, when he then collapsed and his heart gave out.
20. Judging by the Cover
I was on my way home from work and stopped at a grocery store to get something to eat. I was wearing a really ratty and torn hoodie that I wear to work all the time. In front of me in line are two kinda-pretty girls. They are not-so-quietly talking trash about the cashier. One of them then turns to me, looks me up and down, and nudges her friend.
Pointing toward me, she says, "Looks like someone can't afford nice things". I looked her right in the face and in my most sincere voice said, "My dad gave me this sweatshirt the winter before he passed". The girl looked horrified and immediately began to cry. I just walked away and got into another line. What a jerk.
21. Sharp Regret
With total glee, I ran over a bee on my tricycle once. Aimed for it on purpose and then SPLAT. Minutes later, I got called into the house and I stepped on that same bee, stuck with the stinger up, in my bare feet. It hurt so badly. I told my mom everything and she told me I got exactly what I deserved. I agreed.
22. See No Evil
I was in daycare as a child. I had very long hair that my dad always put into a ponytail, and there was a girl who would pull at this ponytail all the time. One day, we were doing a musical chairs thing at the end of the day while parents were picking us up. The girl was behind me and kept yanking my ponytail, while I kept telling her to stop.
The teacher "Didn't see anything" so couldn't do anything about it. There were a bunch of parents waiting for us to finish our game, my mom included. She was watching everything this entire time. The girl kept doing it and the teacher still "didn't see it," so I turned around and punched her as hard as I could.
The girl stumbled into the cubbies where we kept our coats. The teacher knew something had happened and tried to chastise me. My mom's reply was legendary. She was like, "Nope. I didn't see anything". Didn't even get in trouble.
When I was in high school, my city had automatic sprinklers in most of the parks and areas with grass. They would turn on automatically at like 3:00 or 4:00 a.m. So being a young, dumb kid, me and my friends figured out if you kicked them hard enough, the top would break off and the sprinkler would shoot a huge stream into the air from then on.
We thought it was hilarious and we were never caught. We kept on with this until one day they started replacing them with new super-strong steel ones. I kicked one and broke my big toe. Then while in agony, I rolled my ankle so freaking bad it was bruised up for a week and has never been the same since. I am full of regret.
24. Your Own Worst Enemy
I was in Wal-Mart one time. There's this girl, skinny as a twig, pushing a cart with her toddler in it. She just had that look, you know? The kid is upset about something as well. She's yelling at him to shut up, and of course, it's not working. I'm further down the aisle doing that "looking but trying not to look like I'm looking" thing.
My brain is ping-ponging between "I should really say something" and "But it's not my business," when she hauls off to slap the kid. I snap my head around, and any pretense of not watching the scene is utterly gone. But of course, I'm much too far away to actually do anything. All I can do is watch as her hand swings way, way back.
Then I watch as she swings so hard that her feet actually slip out from under her on the tile floor. She crashes back into the shelves behind her, totally missing the kid, thankfully. I remember her head bouncing, bam-bam-bam, three times as she thunked down each shelf. The kid just kind of looked down at her, clearly having no idea what the heck was happening.
25. Alone for a Reason
When I was in middle school, I was sitting at lunch with my normal lunch group. It turned out that there wasn’t enough room for this one guy at the table, so he sat at the table next to us by himself. One of our friends felt bad, so he left our table and sat next to him. Then the kid dealt him a cold-blooded betrayal.
Without so much as a glance, the solo kid moved to our table, took the other guy’s old spot, and left the other guy completely alone. Well, we all moved to the other table and left him alone again.
Walking back from job training, I see two young boys, maybe 11 years old, playfully throwing rocks at each other from the top stories of two adjacent construction sites. One boy sees me approaching, breaks the gaze of his friend, and starts shouting insults at me. But his friend made the most perfectly-timed revenge.
The friend winds up and throws a rock directly into his friend’s junk. The kid crumples to the ground, while the other boy and I share a laugh over this incredible moment.
I was 10 and he was 12. We lived on the same street and he would walk past my house on the way home from school. For whatever reason, I picked on him. After several days of me teasing him, he paused and stared into my eyes. I walked up toward the driveway and got in his face. At that point, he unleashed the craziest barrage of punches and kickboxing combinations that I simply did not expect.
I took a few to my eye and bloodied my face. Needless to say, he made me cry and run away like a coward. This was one of the most transformational experiences of my life. It taught me self-control, humility, and absolute respect.
28. Tit for Tat
I was working at a summer camp this past summer, and all the campers and staff were playing dodgeball. It was Campers vs. Staff, and it was kinda nearing the end of the night, so the rules for the Staff were that if you got hit, you were done. I looked across the gym and saw that one of my fellow Staff was hit and laying on the ground with his hands behind his head.
So naturally, I grab a dodgeball, sneak around behind him, keeping myself out of his field of view, and throw the ball at his junk. As I was laughing and running away, it bounced off him, and without hesitation, he brought his leg up and kicked the ball as hard as he could. It hit me straight in the face with enough force to knock me off my feet.
29. Coming Clean
I was in a bad relationship over the summer. Fights often, and when she got really upset, she would slap me. There was one night I felt the fight coming. During the calm before the fight, I told her she needs to stop slapping me when she gets upset. Well, fight starts, slaps happen. I try to tell her we need to be quieter and not wake my neighbors.
At this point, I'm trying to end the relationship. She's freaking out so bad that she ripped my favorite shirt off of me, and tore it in half. Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. The authorities come in, split us up, and when they ask her if it got physical, she told them she had slapped me. She was in cuffs in seconds. Made things real easy for me.
30. Flexing, not Flexible
A friend of a friend joined our group as we were going to a college football game. He spent the night aggressively hitting on our super-hot friend whose husband wasn't around. She was obviously uncomfortable about it, so I pulled him aside and told him she was married. His response was, "So? A ring doesn't plug a hole!"
In the parking lot, he was goofing off and showed off his athleticism by sprinting across the darkened pavement. The separators in the parking lot were those waist-high poles with chains connecting them. Almost invisible in the dark. This guy ran into the chain full-speed. It hit him just below the waist, and it wasn't a minor injury. He could barely walk for a week and had a concussion.
31. The Hero We Need
Catching the train home late one night, I was awoken by a group of loud-mouthed guys shouting insensitive things to anyone who looked even a little bit non-white. Another passenger starts telling them to shut up or get the heck off the train when these guys flip out and start screaming at him at the top of their lungs.
At this point, another guy tells them to calm down and they start screaming at him that they are going to kick the life out of him. At this point, a few other guys on the train are starting to get up and move toward these idiots. Then the first dude gets up. It turns out he was slouching in his chair pretty seriously because he is a freaking monster.
He actually had to turn side-on to move past the little handrail in the middle of the train because his shoulders were so big. At this point he puts his hat back on, which has TRANSPORT SECURITY written on it in large letters. He hits the intercom button to signal the train guard and tells them to arrange authorities at the next station.
Then he just walks up and grabs one of the guys and tells him ever so calmly he just wanted to get home after a long shift so they all better behave really well because he is losing his patience fast. Everyone starts cheering the security guy and yelling at the idiots who are then escorted from the train at the next stop. It was beautiful.
32. Garfield Comes to Town
At a family dinner, my brother was at a tray of cheese and bread, making a mega bite with all his favorites in it. There was one type of cheese that is his absolute favorite, and he was keeping it for his finale bite. I ask him to bring me a piece of cheese. He quite rudely says "No" in a very loud way, in front of everyone.
I smile and tell him, "You know, I'm not even gonna get mad because karma's gonna take you down". As I finish my sentence, he accidentally drops the mega-bite. It splats on the floor and the cat comes, licks one lick on his favorite cheese, and carries on.
33. Down the Ladder
Last year, I felt unhappy with my job and tried to talk to my manager about it to see if I could have a different position. Win-win. I got told that if I didn't like my job I should quit and look for something else. After all my hard work at that company, it made me feel like dirt. Well, a co-worker took my boss's position last month. My manager got downgraded and is now an assistant. Sweet, sweet karma.
34. Dracula Meets the Wolfman
My old manager was a monster. Belittled people, made a hostile environment, denied anything that would make coworkers happy while giving himself every comfort. He even denied me a half day to go to my mother’s funeral, adding, "Would it be a big deal if you couldn't go?" He finally got fired, but he had to stick around to train the new manager...
So, in comes the new manager. Very well regarded, an Air Force veteran, and a humble guy who knew how to handle people. We have our first awkward team meeting, old manager bitterly in attendance. As the new manager is giving his "nice to meet you" speech, he sees the dude glaring around the table. And he shuts him down in the best way possible.
He stops talking, pauses for a few seconds, and then says, "You know, when I was in the Air Force, I learned that if you take care of your people, they'll take care of you". He then stared directly at the old manager and said, "And if you don't take care of your people, they'll take care of you". What a freaking legend.
35. Vertically or Horizontally?
In elementary school, there was this girl who was super mean to everyone. She was rather big for her age, and she kept taking people's lunch money and making up stories that got people into trouble. One day when she was feeling particularly mean, she was circling a group of 1st graders with her bike and throwing insults at them.
Suddenly, her bike broke in half—like literally it just snapped in half. She hit the ground rather hard and had to walk home all dirty and with torn clothes. Gave everyone a good laugh, and she wasn't nearly as mean for a few weeks after that.
I work at a residential facility for individuals with developmental disabilities. The other day, I was punching out after working an overnight shift and I hear the nurse who administers medication screaming at staff over something relatively minor in front of the residents while they were eating their breakfast.
I leave and go across the street to another house because I had to hand in paperwork there. A few minutes later, the same nurse comes into the house I am now in to begin administering medications. The second she steps in the house, a resident runs up to her, punches her in the face, and runs away. So satisfying.
37. Todd Strikes Back
I went to school with a jerk named Christopher. Christopher was one of those kids who felt like he could do whatever he wanted to anyone else, and he would be absolved of all blame if he finished his routine with "It's just a joke". Basically, he was a grade-A jerk. Enter the second major character: There was also a mentally challenged kid in our class, Todd.
Now, Todd was fond of asking questions. Although Todd annoyed us, we still all looked after him. He was one of us, sometimes that was a good thing, sometimes a bad thing. The karmic incident took place in our senior years. We basically ruled the school, and naturally this power got to our heads. But Christopher was the worst.
We were playing baseball and practicing for an upcoming competition. I was kinda mad because Todd was on my team, and he wasn't the most athletically gifted. We were losing, due in no small part to the other team’s superior members. Then it was Todd's turn. I looked at the other team. Christopher was pitching the ball, and he wasn't even giving Todd a chance.
He'd throw the ball at his feet and burst out laughing with his team. Babe Ruth couldn't have done a dang thing with those kinds of throws. It went on for three minutes. Eventually, his own team got sick of him and told him to give a decent throw so Todd could strike out and the game could progress. He throws it, and Todd braces himself.
We're all watching by now. Todd has tears in his eyes by this point. The ball draws closer, and the world moved in slow motion. WHACK. Todd didn't just hit the ball with the bat, he freaking annihilated it. The bang was heard all over the school. It sounded like an explosion had gone off, localized entirely around the side of the bat.
The ball went back toward Christopher at Mach speed and hit him squarely in the eye. He fell down, out cold. One of his friends helped him inside, while the rest of us, both teams, cheered and laughed. We lifted Todd on our shoulders, and gave him a hero's return. He was no longer just Todd. He was Todd, the destroyer of idiots.
38. Classic Squirrel
Many years ago, a group of us were together with a guy who was nicknamed "Squirrel". He was a small guy who loved attention and didn't care what kind. He would do stuff like jump in puddles to splash people who were just walking along. One day, we were walking down a sidewalk and there was a large fresh pile of dog poop on the walkway.
He dropped back a little behind us, then ran forward and took a leap to land on it just as we were close. Except it was apparently very slippery. His feet slipped out from under him and he landed right in it. It was a thing of beauty.
39. Don’t Mess With Traffic
I was working in a pub in Liverpool and had just arrived, about 10:00 am, to start my shift. I knocked on the door and waited for someone to let me in. I became aware of some voices shouting and turned around to see two guys, shirts off, swaggering toward me speaking a language I didn't understand, but they were calling me names.
After insulting me and laughing they walked off toward a busy road. I watched them as they walked out into the traffic, waving their arms at the cars to stop for them, then giving the drivers the finger. Suddenly, one of the cars stopped and four big guys got out. One of the car guys made out like he was going to punch one, drawing his fist far back.
The little dink just covered his face and screamed. They didn't get hit but the car guys and a lot of passersby burst out laughing. They let him go and he ran away. That felt good.
40. Winning the Tournament
I worked as a bartender at a bowling alley. For some reason one of the other bartenders hated me. She was constantly poaching people on my side, and whenever she was counting down tips to share I know she wasn't splitting them properly. All that stuff. Well, tournament season started, which everyone dreaded but also looked forward to.
Dreaded because the shifts were twice as long as normal and there was a constant rush. Looked forward to because we'd make as much in a day as we did in a normal week. Well, the first tournament was teams that she considered "hers," they bowled on her side on days she worked, so she knew them well and was looking forward to their tips.
She came in, saw that I was scheduled to bartend that day, and flipped out. She started ranting to the manager...but she had made a fatal miscalculation. The owner of the place also happened to be there, and he shut her down. He said I was one of the better bartenders, and if she didn't like it, she could just leave. My coworker left.
41. I’ll Take It
My last job, I was friends with everyone I worked with...except the boss. She hated me, for multiple stupid reasons. One being I constantly called her out on her awful work ethic. I know you think helping customers is your lowers' job, but when I have both lines on the phone ringing and I'm the only one on register, you walking back and forth outside of the store on your cell with a personal call isn't cool.
She eventually got sick of me not kissing her butt, so she fired me for "insubordination". Then she was fired a week later for not fulfilling her duties, multiple complaints from customers and employees, and falsifying documents. Now my best friend is the manager, but the jerk boss labeled me as "un-hire-able," so now he can't rehire me. I guess we both lose.
42. Sometimes, You Make Your Own Karma
Back in the day, my dad went to college, and his particular dormitory had around 15 floors. There was this dude, Chester, who lived in the center apartment on the 14th floor, facing the north side. This meant that Chester's window was located directly above the entrance to the dormitory. This was not a good thing.
Chester, being the real idiot he was, would come home from school and wind down by throwing water balloons at the people walking into the building. Not even people he particularly hated or anything. Chester just did this to everyone for fun. Well one day, he hits my dad. Big mistake, as he would soon find out.
My dad and his friend bring a garbage can up 15 flights of stairs, head to the bathroom, and fill it with water. They then head up to his friend's dorm, which happens to be right above Chester's. A couple of girls walk up the steps to the door. Chester leans out of his window, prepared to throw the balloons, and is promptly hit with an entire garbage can of water.
43. What, You Don’t Like Squab?
Sitting at a stop light, I watch as two preppy girls from the university chase pigeons off the sidewalk. They fly up and land a few feet further every time. As they approach the intersection, one girl squeals and runs right at them. As they take flight, a bus drives by at full speed. Two of the pigeons don't make it in time and are instantly transformed into a cloud of feathers.
Then I hear the blood-curdling scream. "They're ON me!" "THEY'RE ON ME!" That girl was COVERED in pigeon guts and feathers, and completely losing her mind. Her friend was doubled over in laughter. Don't think she'll be tormenting pigeons ever again.
44. It’s a Trap!
I was with some friends walking around Boston. One of them pulls out some gum and I immediately shout, "Hey! Can I have a piece!?" My friend looks down and tells me that it's his last piece, so I can’t have any. He waits a second and then says that actually I can have it. I immediately reach for it, but stop myself since I would've felt bad taking his last piece.
Another friend who is kind of a jerk ran up and grabbed the piece anyway. He then yelped when he got shocked, because the gum was actually prank toy.
45. The Cherry on Top
I used to live a street or two behind a central suburban bus stop on top of a big hill, and I would take the bus every day to university. One morning, I get on the bus and the bus pulls up to the intersection. We get the green and start pulling out. All of a sudden, this primped-up snooty middle aged woman FLEW through the red light.
The bus driver had to slam on the brakes quite suddenly and then honked at the woman. Her reaction was utterly disturbing. The woman, who very clearly intentionally ran the red, FLIPS THE BUS DRIVER OFF and keeps speeding. The bus driver cursed and carried on with her day despite this jerk trying to ruin it...
But then we get to the bottom of a nearby hill and see that the authorities had pulled over the same woman into the cross street and were issuing her a ticket. The bus driver saw it and said, "Oh yeah baby!" She pulled the bus over to the sidewalk near to where the intersection was and flagged down one of the uniformed officers.
She then tells them all about what just happened. The cop says, "Well we will add that to her ticket—Would you be willing to come in as a witness in court for that?" Then the bus driver said, "HONEY, I GET PAID TO GO TO COURT FOR STUFF LIKE THIS. IT'D BE MY PLEASURE". The whole bus started clapping and going crazy. It was such a good day.
46. Coming up Short
This happened to me at work. A lady was trying to pay with like a thousand coins for a $5 scratch off. She tried to say she was only 10 cents short. Ended up being over a dollar short, then complained and said any decent person would have spotted her the money. I pretty much told her she could go down the street and try there if she'd like.
She then suddenly pulled out a twenty and bought two, because of course she did. As she walked out of the store she said, "Karma is a witch". When she gets to her car an officer pulls up behind, blocking her in completely. They proceed to search the car, and then detain her and her boyfriend. I didn't feel bad. Screw that woman.
47. Open Season
I have a farm in Africa. It's a small farm, family land for several generations. My cousins who live there are pretty much subsistence farmers; they eat what they grow. There's also a pond we fill to fish farm when it's not too dry. Anyway, I'm visiting them, helping fertilize the field before we get to planting.
All of sudden a big Land Rover pulls up. Full of tourists; I think they were English by their accents. They are lost, trying to get to a resort that's far away. We give directions. They don't like that we've told them it's a long route, even though it really was the correct route. They tell us that the Land Rover can "go through anything" and want to cut through the field.
They offer to pay us. Well, would any farmer allow such a thing? We say no. At some point, they just take off...and drive right into the muddy pond that's hard to see because it's overgrown this time of year. Land Rovers are wonderful for off-road. But several feet of mud and vines and weeds? They swirl, and turn, and back up, just getting more stuck.
Finally, they emerge on foot through the mud. We are so shocked we can't even laugh...until later. They walk up to us and sheepishly ask to hire a car. We charged them well. Also charged the towing company that came to get their car. My cousins made a tidy sum. It's now the family joke that we should be growing tourist cars instead of Maize and fish....
48. It’s Dancing Time
We had a dance unit in my seventh-grade gym class. The teachers decided that it was a good idea for everyone to do Tae-Bo. My middle school ran like Mean Girls, and many were holding grudges for events that had occurred in the previous year. Old elementary school football rivalries were present. The nerdy kids loathed the jocks.
The more popular girls were angry because of some major rumors that were going around at the time. The girls in smaller cliques secretly envied each other. It was chaos just waiting to explode as 200 of us were crowded into the gym. Before us was a massive screen playing a Billy Banks Tae-Bo DVD. In other words, it was on.
At first, the Tae-Bo exercise was relatively civil. Then kids started kneeing people and acting like it was an accident. Attitudes shifted. You could feel the heat of the victims' anger and the testosterone levels skyrocketing. Without warning, the entire gym erupted into a flurry of fists and flying feet. It was a free for all.
Girls who had been the verbal punching bag of their clique pulled hair and swiped at faces with fake nails. Kids who had been mistreated day after day were dishing out black eyes like it was nobody's business. The sudden lashes of anger aroused the bitterness of the others, and the attacking spread like wildfire.
The kids at the top of the social hierarchy and the well-known jerks were taken completely by surprise as the tables turned. Some even bolted for the doors. The gym teachers tried to stop the epic battle, but there were only six of them. Eventually, school security showed up to break up the fight. No one was formally punished that day.
49. A Crack in the Plan
On a trip backpacking around Greece once, I had a bad experience in a hotel and decided to take one of their beautifully painted stone eggs from the bowl in the reception as compensation. But when we were on the ferry to the next island, I started noticing a horrible smell coming from my bag. It turns out that it was not a stone egg at all.
It was a painted boiled egg that had broken in my bag. The whole thing had become so rotten it had turned a nice shade of green and the smell was almost intolerable. I had to borrow a lot of my friends’ clothes for the rest of the trip, but at least it taught me a good lesson. Don’t ever take strange eggs from hotels, people.
50. Defying Gravity
As a kid, I went to Hawaii with my mom and stepfather for vacation, and we signed up for surfing lessons. The car ride there, my stepfather kept saying, "Now, I just want to warn you of something. You might not be able to do this. You're a girl, so your center of gravity is higher. I'm a boy, so my center of gravity is lower".
He kept saying stuff like, “Don't be too upset when I'm standing on the board longer than you, it's just science, okay? I'll be better, but it's not your fault". Screw him, I managed to ride a few low waves all the way to shore while he couldn't even get on his feet. He wouldn't talk to me on the car ride back whenever I tried to bring up what he said earlier.