People Share The Reasons They Don’t Want To Have Children
For some people, having a child is the most important thing you can do in life. Sure, it’s exhausting and time-consuming, but the idea of having children erases all preconceived notions and fears. On the other hand, there are some people who just can’t wait to never become parents.
#1 Horrible Feeling
I’d have to say that the biggest thing that makes me question wanting kids was that I really don’t think I could handle being a parent to a child with disabilities. Deep down, I know myself well enough to know I would regret having children if that was the case. I feel like such a horrible person for thinking that way.
#2 Line in the Sand
I personally don’t believe “unconditional” love is a real thing. Every example of love I can think of has conditions to it. And people absolutely should have conditions for loving someone. The most important being, “don’t be the worst person on the planet.” The most common condition, however, is “they’re related to me.
#3 No Morals
So many parents are uneducated, terrible individuals with no morals who don’t discipline their kids and can’t afford a twinkie. Yet, they think they’re the exception to the rule. I feel like saying, “No, you shouldn’t have been a parent. You’re an idiot for thinking otherwise.” I hate when people tell me I’d be a great parent. Like, how would you know? The only thing worse off than you are your kids, but of course, I can’t say that.
#4 Doing Nothing
I’ve worked at a lot of camps and kids generally love me. Don’t get me wrong, I love them too. But that doesn’t mean that I would want to be a parent to any of them. That’s an entirely different level of responsibility and it really does not appeal to me. I like coming home and being able to enjoy doing nothing .
#5 Sound Reasoning
I intentionally stopped answering this question a long time ago. Nobody ever asks people who do want children what their reasoning is. I could give you any number of reasons ranging from, “My childhood wasn’t that happy” to, “I just don’t see my life panning out that way.” But, when you get right down to it, I just don’t want to and I don’t understand people who do.
#6 Out of Energy
I’ve had my younger brother since he was 13. I turned 30 this year and he’s turning 18 soon. I absolutely do not have the patience or energy to do this again. Plus, this way my boyfriend and I can make sure to still be as available for him as possible if he needs anything as he learns his way through life (and I’m sure he will).
#7 Lifelong Commitment
I believe that children are a very serious and irreversible lifelong commitment and that the majority of society is wrong to consider them the default option rather than a conscious choice you make for good reasons. With that belief in mind, I simply have no compelling reason for why I should have children. So, I don’t have them. They should be an opt-in rather than an opt-out.
#8 A Cure for Loneliness
My sister had not one but two kids “because she was lonely.” Don’t get me wrong, my nephews are adorable, smart, amazing, fun kids, but she has to deal with their deadbeat father on the daily. To top everything off, she also lives with my retired parents because she still has to work and needs child care. Have kids when you want to, not to fill a void.
#9 Poorly Equipped
First, I don’t think this awful world needs more people. Second, I don’t like children and don’t see myself as a parent. I also don’t think I’d be good at it. Lastly, I don’t want to give up stuff like traveling and to be responsible for another human who depends on me. I’m a 25-year-old woman and I hate hearing “you’ll find the right man to have children with.” No, no I won’t. I never wanted kids and I never will.
#10 Kids as Humans
If I’m being honest, a lot of people don’t see kids as humans. They think about babies and children and don’t consider that they are actually responsible for raising a human being who will be an adult in society someday. The completely blasé attitude some people have toward raising and birthing kids scares me.
#11 Don’t Agree With That
I don’t really get that people change their mind and want a baby because of their partner. People can be in relationships for the rest of their lives without ever having children. I’ve got a cousin who’s married but has no intention of ever having kids. They travel a lot, live a good life and do a lot together. That’s definitely the kind of life I’d love to have apart from the marriage part since I don’t agree with that either.
#12 Making a Mark
My partner comes first and I wouldn’t do anything that would knowingly put a strain on our relationship. I don’t think I’ve seen a happy relationship among people with kids — they divorce, fight, nag, and it causes them to drift as they put so much time and effort into raising a kid. It’s just not my idea of happiness.
I also eat healthy, workout, and take pride in my fit appearance. Pregnancy would wreak havoc on my figure. Plus, people are adamant about leaving something behind in this world, but I’d rather leave behind my research, artwork, and maybe a book or two I want to write instead of another human being. It’s possible to do both; yes, but it does decrease the time you’d have to do those things.
#13 Hate My Life
I wish my husband would have been okay with placing the baby for adoption… it was too late for a termination when I found out. (I’ve always had extremely irregular periods. I’ve gone six months without one sometimes). Contraception failed and I realized I was showing pregnancy symptoms. I was pregnant. The birth was traumatic. I hate my life. I’d probably end my life if it wasn’t for my antidepressants.
I never wanted kids. Feel free to use me as an example whenever anyone says you’ll change your mind. You won’t. I love my husband. I love our daughter. But I go to sleep every night wishing I could go back in time and change something, like be abstinent until I turned 21 so I could get the tubal ligation. I was planning the sterilization.
My husband was supportive. I was on birth control. We both had jobs and goals, and now life just seems so bleak. I hate it. Besides ending my life, I often fantasize about packing up a few things and leaving and starting a new life. But that would be terrible. I’m bound by guilt and obligation, and although I love my husband and daughter, I have never been so unhappy.
#14 Not For Me
I’m going to be 29 and people have tried to tell me I will change my mind. I found someone I love and considered having children very briefly, but ultimately I don’t think it’s for me. Pregnancy and labor sound terrible, so many things can go wrong. I don’t think I’ll be in the financial position to support a kid any time soon. Given that I’m almost 30, my time is running out anyway.
#15 What Would I Do?
I can barely handle my own emotions, what would I do with a young child that needs, well, whatever a young child needs?! I can barely handle my own health. So, it’s at times like this when I constantly ask myself, “What would I do with a small spawn who needs probably three times the things that I give myself?”
#16 One, Not the Other
I want to enjoy my life and be free. I also want to have my money for myself and buy whatever I want. There are enough people on earth who want children. If everyone would have some, we would just over-populate. However, I wouldn’t say no to a partner. A girlfriend who accepts me the way I am and accepts my hobbies.
#17 Doing Things For Me
I don’t want them and you’d think this reason would be enough. Additionally, being pregnant doesn’t sound like a good time. I’m going to be 30 this year and have yet to experience being stable with my finances. I want to do fun things for me when I’m financially able to, not skip over me and go straight to kids. I also have a nephew and I love him so much! Plus, I get to leave him after a few hours. As my stepmother and I always say, “Kiss them once when they arrive and twice when they leave.”
#18 Understanding Limitations
I have a fear of raising a child with disabilities, though that makes me feel awful. However, I don’t believe we’re bad people, we just aren’t the right people for that job. It takes a certain type of person to raise a child with disabilities and I know for a fact I’m not one of them. It’s just us understanding our limitations and not doing anything to hurt other people.
#19 Unsettling and Icky
Pregnancy grosses me out to the extreme. I actually love babies, but the whole process is so unsettling and icky to think about for me. I really do hate how everyone forces the idea that it should be beautiful and magical. It’s a draining and traumatic process and women pass away from it, even in the modern world.
#20 About the Money
It’s 100% money for me. I’m the youngest of four and all my life I’ve seen the havoc that an unplanned pregnancy can have on finances. Two of my siblings had plans for their lives but when kids happened, those plans didn’t. Another one of my sisters straight up got pregnant in her early 20’s and didn’t even get a chance to go to college. Only one of my siblings had kids and is alright financially, but that’s because she worked her butt off for years and got married to a guy who also worked for years.
#21 Forced Into It
I can’t provide what’s necessary for what psychologists call “healthy development.” I also don’t believe any child should be forced into a world where they aren’t financially secure. That said, I don’t believe any human being should be forced into this cruel, painful, hopeless, and meaningless world. Even if there’s a small chance that they’ll be happy. This is an entirely biased opinion, no doubt.
#22 Overriding Reason
I have a lot of supporting reasons, but the main overriding one is that I just don’t want them. I think children should be wanted, not just a thing you do because that’s what you do. For supporting reasons, I also am actively worried about the effects of overpopulation. I don’t think I’m the type of person or in the right situation to be a good parent, and don’t really enjoy other people’s children.
#23 Aspects of Parenting
After all this time, I’d have to say that there’s no real reasoning involved. I knew I didn’t want kids when I was six years old and 45 years later, I haven’t changed my mind. There are several logical reasons I’d be a terrible parent, but bottom line, I’m not wired to find any aspect of parenting attractive or desirable.
#24 What’s the Point?
I don’t see a reason to. I feel like this question is in the wrong direction. If you want to force another being into existence, you should have a good justification for doing so. I think the usual next response is, “Well, the human race has to continue” and it just becomes a lot of value judgements and posturing. Which is fine, nothing really matters anyway.
#25 Full Stop
As a teen, I assumed I’d probably adopt (because it hadn’t really occurred to me you could just choose not to have kids). By the time I was 18, I realized even if I adopted, or even if my partner was the one to carry it and not me, I still just didn’t want to be a parent, full stop. I’m in my 30s now, married and my partner has a vasectomy because he also doesn’t want to be a parent.
#26 I’m Good, Thanks
I don’t like children. People with kids are like, “Oh, I didn’t either, but when they’re yours, it’s all sunshine and unicorn toots.” But the same ones have dark circles under their eyes, hang out about once a year and bring the screaming little jerks with them. They then constantly moan about how expensive children are. I like having a full night’s sleep, my own schedule, and control over my own finances, thank you.
#27 Educating Women
There’s a lot of misinformation around pregnancy. Women aren’t educated about the risks and about the effect it will have on your body, even if you have a successful birth. Moms get blindsided to find out that they’ve or that they struggle with incontinence for years after the birth. It really saddens me to hear parents say that they weren’t warned. Apparently the reason we don’t educate women is because if we did, pregnancy would be a lot less popular.
#28 Seems Pretty Simple
I just don’t want to, isn’t that enough? It’s like that video they show us in high school and college about consent. They compare it to a cup of tea. If the answer to the question, “Would you like some tea?” is no, don’t pour tea down their throat. If someone says they don’t want kids, that’s their answer and you should accept it. It seems pretty simple to me.
#29 Body Distortion
This is going to sound extremely superficial, so just bear with me. As a woman who is more fit compared to the average woman, getting pregnant would, in a sense, distort my body (stretch marks, etc). Pregnancy and delivery are beautiful and I’m amazed by my fellow ladies who do it, but personally, it’s not for me.
#30 Ruining Adulthood
I am the oldest of five siblings. Everyone knows eldest daughters get the responsibility of motherhood shoved on them from childhood. That was made especially true for me when our mother abandoned us when I was 11 and my youngest sibling was four. I’ve basically been a full-time mom since I was 11, it ate away at my teens and is now ruining my early adulthood. I love my siblings and would do anything for them, but I want the rest of my life to be my life.
#31 On the Move
I just have one little question for everyone. Have you ever seen when a baby kicks and the mom’s stomach actually moves? Sorry, but that’s completely terrifying. I would literally scream if I saw that on someone else, let alone being the one feeling it. I also hate small children and pregnancy sounds heinous.
#32 Zero Innate Desire
There are a ton of logic-driven reasons not to have kids (money, stress, all the usual) but the real reason is that I just don’t want them. Whatever thing there is inside of people that makes them sure they want to be parents, I don’t have it. While I think a lot of the logic-based things can be lived with for someone who genuinely wants to be a parent, I think I would ruin my life and probably my kid’s if I went into it with zero innate desire to have a child.
#33 Doesn’t Make Sense
I think it can be kind of selfish? I know that a lot of parents want children for good and honest reasons, but I feel like a lot of them want to make a beautiful baby and project all of their views and beliefs on it because they think that their views and beliefs are the best. Some parents want a baby simply for something to occupy them. The adoption system is overflowing with children, but people refuse to adopt. Why? So their babies look like them? So their babies have the same DNA as them? It doesn’t make sense to me.
#34 Draining Resources
Choosing to not breed is the number one thing a human can do to help with climate change. If you haven’t noticed lately, there are way too many people on this planet. There’s also a very limited amount of resources. You want to have kids? There are plenty already born who would be utterly grateful to be adopted.
#35 The Worst
I think my counter-question to this is why on earth would you want kids? That’s the question I find myself asking any time I’m around kids. They’re just kind of the worst. I also absolutely hate the idea of having that level of responsibility for another person. Fortunately, my wife also has no interest in having kids.
#36 Running Low on Patience
I really dislike babies and toddlers. I’ve worked with kids for seven years and even when they’re cute, funny or sweet, I run out of patience after half an hour or so. Older kids are more tolerable, but it frustrates me when I watch teens or older children making stupid mistakes. I get irrationally annoyed at the situation. I’d be a terrible parent. A fun aunt, maybe, I shouldn’t have to put up with people I can’t tolerate for 18+ years. Plus, no child should have to feel unwanted by their own parent.
#37 Caught in a Scheme
I hear my friend say how tired they are, etc. I also hear my friends yelling at their kids all the time because they annoy them when they watch TV, play games, read books, try to sleep, try to eat dinner, try to go out, try to… anything. To me, it’s almost like they’re in an MLM scheme. They put on a brave face saying they enjoy it, but I see the hopelessness in their eyes. Most of my friends only have kids in elementary school, they haven’t dealt with middle or high school kids yet.
#38 Traumatic Experience
Pregnancy is so gross. I don’t like children, but that’s the least concern with the whole thing. People get insane when I tell them that being pregnant is a risky, traumatic experience that lasts months and is so stressful for the body and mind. Don’t even let me start about breastfeeding. No kids for me, thanks. Even if someday I actually do change my mind, adoption is the way. I want to avoid those nine months like the plague.
#39 Stable Environments
I honestly just don’t want to have any children. Don’t get me wrong, if you really want kids then great. But I’m 28, so I have plenty of couples around me having kids and out of all of them, I’d say one couple really loves kids and has a stable environment to raise them in. Yet, I need to justify why I’m not doing that?!
#40 Functional Changes
People are woefully uneducated about the functional ways your body changes. A huge proportion of people have long-term painful complications, urinary incontinence (permanently), rectal incontinence, uterine prolapse, abdominal muscles separating, long-term or permanent dysfunction including painful intercourse, etc.
These are all the “common” and “ minor ” complications of it. Not even to mention the less common (but still not rare) and more devastating complications that can happen. I don’t think it’s selfish or wrong for a woman to not want to give up her body for that. I don’t want to ruin my favourite hole or my ability to hold my bladder (or far worse). I don’t want all the aesthetic changes either.
#41 Whenever I Want
I already raised my oldest sister’s kids from toddlers to 17 when I was nothing more than a kid myself. During that time, I was working, raising and buying everything for them (food, diapers, clothes, school supplies etc.) During those years, I decided I didn’t want to do that again. I love my nieces and nephews, but I don’t want kids of my own. I want to travel or do something whenever I want. Plus, I can’t have kids of my own due to a medical condition.
#42 No Maternal Needs
I never found kids cute and never felt maternal needs. I’ve been sure that I wanted to be childless for as long as I can remember. I don’t want to be pregnant, I don’t want to give birth and I don’t want to raise another human until I pass away.
I don’t like kids and have no interest in having some for the sake of having them. Humanity doesn’t require me to have kids to survive as a species. There are way too many humans already and with families of 10 kids, you have to balance it somehow. If I could get rid of my uterus, I gladly would. Sadly, doctors don’t want me to do it because I’m too young.
#43 Avoiding Turmoil
I’ll be honest here, I really sucked as a kid. Why would I want to go through the turmoil that I put my parents through? I’d much rather enjoy my life, develop myself further as a person, travel to exciting places with my incredible girlfriend (and one day wife), and do whatever the heck we want. That makes the most sense to me.
#44 Biological Copy
For some reason, the idea of having a biological “copy” of myself that shares some of my characteristics grosses me out in a way I can’t describe. I don’t hate myself and I definitely don’t hate other children or babies. However, I’m gay so perhaps that may have something to do with it. I can’t understand the natural urge to reproduce that everyone talks about.
#45 Traveling the World
We love our childless life. We lived on a boat in the Caribbean for a year, then we travelled the southern U.S. for another year in an RV. We never could have done that with a kid. They’re expensive, raising a human is hard, I didn’t want to have one and resent them, and I have no desire to have kids. I like kids and have tons of friends whose little ones call me aunty.
I get annoyed that people think I hate kids because I don’t want to have them, that isn’t true. I love kids and probably do because I can hand them back when they wet themselves. I’ve known since I was 15 that I didn’t want them, but everyone told me that I’d change my mind. I’m 42, married, and still don’t want them. I religiously took my birth control and a few years ago and my husband had a vasectomy.
#46 Meaning in Life
42-year-old engaged woman here. Some people think that having kids is their meaning in life. That children are their gift to society to make things better. Yeah, that doesn’t always work out. My “gift” to society is directly helping people. Volunteering. Fostering dogs. I think if you haven’t found your “meaning of life,” having children will fill that void of a purpose. I don’t necessarily think that’s a good idea, though. Also, the thought of making someone else’s lunch for 12-18 years straight makes me want to jump off a bridge.
#47 Begging for Help
My dad decided to have a kid with a girl that already had a six-year-old when I was 18. I’m 21 now and helped raise and kid. I’ve pretty much seen every age but teenage years and I’m sure it gets better, so if I still wanted a kid in my 20s, I wouldn’t have actually had a break from children at all. I also dated two single moms before and they’re pretty clingy because their lives suck and they’re begging for help.
#48 Too Much to Handle
I don’t want to wake up at 3:00 a.m. to a screaming banshee in my house. If you’re waking me up, you better have a bowl packed or something. Also, I don’t want the chance of my kid having some birth defect. That just means extra parenting and being a parent is way too much responsibility to handle. I get stressed getting dressed for work. I couldn’t handle a kid.
#49 Nurturing Trait
Honest answer? I’m not a nurturing person and I have no idea how to relate to children. I only know how to treat them like adults, which obviously isn’t the correct way to handle kids in a lot of situations. I also have very little interest in dealing with kids below the age of five or six. I don’t know, somehow I didn’t get the warm, nurturing personality traits that women are supposed to get. If I end up discovering a hidden love for children, and I learn how to interact with them effectively, then I would consider having kids.
#50 That Maternal Urge
To preface, I’m 28. I’ve never had the maternal urge. My husband and I don’t like children. We just don’t want one. For me, I think it stems from my mom telling me that she regretted having kids and wishing she never had them. She would make sure she told me almost daily how my and my sister ruined her life and she could no longer do what she wanted to do. I also do not want to experience the “miracle” of childbirth. Though my husband and I might adopt an older kid someday.