While we can all agree that any commercial with a dog or baby is enough to get the river flowing, sometimes it’s nothing at all. A woman’s hormones are definitely a force to be reckoned with, but oftentimes, they just make us cry because we ran out of milk. Here are some of the goofiest things women have cried over, all thanks to our friends from the Hormone Department.
#1 Where’s My Rice?
Last night, I came home from work and my husband hadn’t made rice. I want to be perfectly clear: I did not ask my husband to make rice. I made no mention of rice when he had called me an hour earlier. I simply decided halfway home that all I wanted to eat for dinner was eggs on rice and that somehow my husband would understand that with his magical ESP powers. I cried for 20 minutes then thanked him for the pasta he had made.
#2 Do What I Want
When I was carrying our daughter, I had an ultrasound scheduled. My husband asked if he needed to go because he was really busy at work. I told him no. That night, he got to my place and I was so mad that I was crying. He asked why and I told him I was upset he didn't go with me. He was confused and said I told him it was okay. I came back with, “Don't do what I tell you to do. Do what I want you to do.” Our daughter turns 25 soon and I still get grief from him.
#3 Orange You Upset?
I once cried because we were out of orange juice. I was a teen, and I was also (though I didn't yet realize it) very ill with thyroid disease. My hormones were incredibly out of whack, and for whatever reason, it made me crave orange juice. I could drink an entire pitcher and then make another. When I found out we were completely out of orange juice one night, I took it very hard.
#4 Deceitful Dog
I was walking home and I saw a dog in the alley by my house. Naturally, I wanted to go pet it and see if it was okay because I didn't see an owner around. As I approached, I realized the dog was a large raccoon and started crying uncontrollably. I was really sad that the dog was actually a raccoon. Life is hard.
#5 Leave the Sandwich
This is my favorite story from when I was pregnant. I cried over a bacon sandwich. I was hungry, in pain and tired, so I asked my fiancé to make me lunch. He went into the kitchen and started doing so. I started thinking about how much I probably annoy him and went to hide in another bedroom's closet to cry.
He finally found me, and I was bawling. He asked if I was okay and I shook my head no. He asked if I still wanted the sandwich, though, and I nodded my head. Then, he asked if he should stay in the room and I shook my head. So, he closed the closet door and left. Meanwhile, I sat there, crying, and ate my sandwich.
#6 Pregnancy Hormones
When my wife was pregnant, the hormones made her completely insane. She used to wake up crying sometimes, hitting me, because I apparently left her in a dream when I found out that she was pregnant. Another time, she broke down with full-on snot bubbles because I was nice to her. It was a pretty interesting time.
#7 The Far Future
My sister once had a moment where she ugly cried because her cat was going to pass away someday. It’s not like it was going to happen anytime soon, but one day in the far future it would and that was enough for her. As for myself, I’ve cried before while eating pizza over a trash can in the dishing station at work.
#8 Abandoned Goose
I saw a goose flying by itself and teared up immediately because obviously it meant that he somehow got separated from his flock and was now all alone in this cruel world. I imagined his panic when he realized the separation and all the things he thought about as he frantically tried to catch up. I wondered if he had a family who abandoned him. All of this in a 10-second window.
#9 Last Good Boy
I had a complete breakdown over an old dog post on Facebook. He was losing his life and the owner documented his last cheeseburger, last walk in the park, and last "good boy." I was reading it to my husband while we were in a gas station parking lot and just lost it. I was blubbering and saying, "He was a good boy! I need to hug the dogs and take them home!" My husband just held my hand, took me home, cancelled our date and ordered pizza while I sobbed into my three aging dogs’ fluff. I was seven months pregnant. It was not a good time.
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#10 In Five Minutes
When my sister got into the shower before me while I was getting my things. She didn't know I was going to have a shower. I dramatically slumped against the bathroom door and wailed like a heartbroken mother who received news that her only son passed away in the war. She was like, "I'll be done in five minutes!"
#11 The Chickens Need Him
I once saw this video of an old folks’ home that implemented having the elderly residents care for an entire coop of chickens. One of the old men said he wanted to end his life because he missed his deceased wife so much, but that the chickens needed him and they made him feel less lonely. Oh my God, my heart.
#12 My Jeans
I couldn't find this specific pair of jeans that I wanted to wear. I had another pair of jeans I could wear that were pretty much the same, but I wanted that pair of jeans. I didn’t even really look for them properly. I couldn't find them after hunting for less than a second, so I just sat on my bed and cried.
#13 You’re Not Yourself
I was in labor for over 30 hours. After the baby was born, my mom came by to visit and asked if I needed anything. I asked in all seriousness for a Snickers. I thought I would die if I didn't get one, that’s how crazy those post-delivery hormones were. She didn't get me one because I "didn't need it," and I still am not over it. If someone has a baby growing in them or just pushed one out of them, don't ask, "Can I bring you anything?" unless you mean anything .
#14 Serene Bride
I work at a nice hotel and one time, this couple was getting married in our lower lounge area. When I saw the bride and how beautiful and serene she looked, I completely lost it. I actually had to go to the back office and bawl about this bride. Seeing her reminded me of my wedding and how much I love my husband.
#15 The Right Chips
I wanted BBQ chips. As in, I was willing to trade my first-born for a bag of BBQ chips. I talked about how much I needed these chips all day. So much so that my boss got fed up, went to the gas station on his lunch, and bought me some BBQ chips. I then ugly cried because that must mean he likes me, right? Until he told me to shut up and eat my chips without the theatrics. Then I cried again because it wasn't the right kind of BBQ chips.
#16 David Attenborough
I was watching Planet Earth a few months ago and burst into tears. My boyfriend was like, “Whoa, what’s wrong?” And I went, “Someday, David Attenborough is going to die! Probably in the near future!” I also cried when they named that boat after him. I love that man. He’s one of the few celebrities I'd actually be interested in meeting.
#17 Crying About Smells
I was eight months pregnant with my second child when we walked into a store. I could smell food being made in the lunch area, but I couldn’t eat it. I cried for about five minutes while pushing the cart around trying to do my shopping. Then my husband showed up with a sandwich for me to eat and it was the smell I was crying about. I proceeded to cry harder because he was "such a wonderful man for knowing why I was crying, and oh my god this food is so good."
#18 Utter Confusion
I accidentally kicked my dog one time. I went to tap her on the butt with the top of my foot, but she did a flying 180 while my foot was swinging up. I cracked her right in the jaw. My boyfriend saw the whole thing. The look she gave me was one of utter confusion and fear. I fell to the floor and hugged her as I burst into tears. That was four years ago and I still feel terrible.
#19 Sock Family
I cried once when I was just doing some laundry. After I finished washing my clothes, I discovered a single sock. I imagined that it would never see it's sock family again and got really upset about it. When I realized that I was crying, I got very angry about me being so stupid and that made me cry even more.
#20 The Realization Awakens
I cried during the opening sequence of The Force Awakens . It wasn’t because I was excited to see it, but because the theater was packed with middle-aged people who had been waiting since they were practically kids to see a continuation of the original Star Wars trilogy. How many people passed away before they got to see it? It was upsetting. I was rather pregnant.
#21 I Swear I’m Normal
I cried about how handsome I think Adam Driver is. But, I also cried at the fact that he doesn't think he's handsome. If you didn’t know, Driver has anxiety and doesn’t think he's that good looking. I just cried about it for about an hour one day while looking at pictures of him. I swear I'm a normal human being.
#22 So Close, So Far
There was this one commercial of a granddaughter recording a duet with her deceased grandfather for her grandma. I was pregnant at the time and got really upset about it. Another time, while I was also pregnant, I had a good cry because I locked my junior bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy's in my car with the keys.
#23 Bored to Tears
My wife was about eight months pregnant and is a teacher. It was during summer break and I got home to see that she was just on the couch crying. I was worried obviously and I finally got her to tell me what was wrong. She was bored... she was crying like a baby because she was bored. She was literally bored to tears. I couldn’t help but laugh, which made her laugh too.
#24 Eating Feelings
One time I really, really wanted a burger. I got take out from this one place I’d never been to before, but it was highly recommended for great burgers. I failed to realize that they served their burgers on Texas toast instead of buns and I was so upset . The burger was great, but I cried the entire time I was eating it.
#25 This Beautiful Hill
I have two really good examples of incomprehensible hormones. I remember this one time when I cried because the laundry wasn't folded when I opened up the dryer. (Why would it be?) Another time, I was reading a description of this hill in a novel and cried because I would never get to see this beautiful hill.
#26 I Just Love Grandmothers
I met up with a friend for lunch and amidst catching up, I told her about my visit with my grandmother. She started crying because she loves grandmothers so much and just realized she's going to be a grandmother too one day. She was so happy and moved by the thought. I just sort of stared at her and then after a minute said, "So you're on your period, huh?" Yup.
#27 Give Him to Me
I had been trying really hard to make less plastic waste. I brought my own bags to the grocery store, scanned all of my items at the self-checkout and was talking to an employee for a few minutes while she checked my ID for wine. I turned around and this sweet old lady employee had bagged my stuff already in the plastic and put it in my cart to be helpful.
I didn’t want to be rude and unpack it into my own bags, so I just took it, and then cried in my car. I also bought a plant and almost forgot to grab him. The bagging lady went to put it in a separate bag and I just said, “No! Give him to me!” Then she handed it to me and said, “...him?” I felt so awkward and I think that contributed to my emotions.
#28 He’s So Perfect
I was sitting next to one of my best friends as she was asleep on my shoulder. At one point, she was browsing Michael B. Jordan's Instagram, saying things like, "He's so perfect." In an effort to jokingly disprove this, I asked her how tall he was. She googled it and upon seeing that he was 6 feet tall, burst into tears and cried about how he really is perfect. She cried herself to sleep.
#29 I’ll Bake it Up to You
I made a batch of cupcakes for work once. I went upstairs to nap while they were cooling, so I could frost them after. I was still living with my parents at the time. My dad came home and saw unfrosted cupcakes and ate almost half of them. I woke up, came downstairs to a ton of missing cupcakes and cried for three hours. He ended up making me another batch because he felt so bad. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen my father bake.
#30 A First Clue
I got super angry at my husband and in a moment of rage, I broke the handle off my microwave and threw it across the kitchen. Then I burst into tears because I was so sad about how angry I'd gotten for pretty much no reason. The next day, I found out that I was pregnant. That microwave thing should’ve been a clue.
#31 Love of Pigs
One night, my mom called me upstairs to watch a video of this mini pig trotting around. For some reason, that video absolutely gutted me. It wasn’t so much in a sad way, but just because of how cute that pig was. It was about a minute long and the entire time, I was fighting back a stream of tears and trying not to explode into a sobbing mess. Afterwards, I ran downstairs and pulled it up on my phone and started bawling. I then proceeded to look at pictures of baby pigs online for 20 minutes while hysterically crying.
#32 It’s Even Harder to Clean
I make avocado toast for breakfast every day, so I have plenty of avocados and bread. It was a weekend, so it wasn’t like I was in a hurry. I made my toast one day and tried to carry it with my coffee. However, I dropped the toast, avocado side down. I sat on the kitchen floor and cried because I just wanted to eat it and now I have to clean the floor and now taking time for crying means the avocado will dry and be harder to clean.
#33 Reading Gone Awry
I used to be a third grade teacher. One day, I was sitting at my table conducting a reading lesson with a small group. The story was about a little girl who really wanted a puppy but her dad wouldn’t let her have it. I started crying big ugly snotty tears as these eight-year-olds read this story. It was so embarrassing. Those sweet littles kids kept asking, “What’s wrong? Are you alright?” I had run out of my medication and hadn’t had them in a few days because I hadn’t had a chance to refill the prescription. I realized that was not a thing that ever needed to happen again.
#34 Cheesy Gordita
I cried over Taco Bell. They gave me a crunchy taco instead of the cheesy gordita crunch I’d ordered. I didn’t find out until I got home and just bawled. My teenage daughter asked, “What’s wrong? Are you serious? I’ll go back up there right now!” She actually did go and got my cheesy gordita crunch. I then cried again because I love that kid, plus she came home with those Cinnabon things too.
#35 Things to Cry About
It's more of what I do when I'm hormonal that makes me cry. I don't know why, but I always go onto YouTube and start watching homecomings of soldiers returning home or cats being rescued or baby gender surprises. I don't know why, but that's always my indication that my time of the month is coming because I go out of my way to find things to cry about.
#36 Support for Charizard
I watched a clip from Pawn Stars where a guy brings in what ends up being a very valuable collection of Charizard Pokemon cards. I mentioned to my boyfriend that I still have my holographic Charizard card in a plastic sleeve and wondered if it's worth anything. He very casually said, "It isn't.” Queue me getting stone cold silent, going to bed and crying myself to sleep because I didn't feel supported. I woke up the next morning feeling so silly.
#37 50 Shades of Green
I was driving one time and I saw a deer on the side of the road. I then suddenly realized that he was going to lose his life someday and I started crying. On the same day, I saw something (I don’t recall what anymore) and I just remember thinking it was the most beautiful shade of green I had ever seen in my life. I wept over that as well.
#38 Still a Little Salty
I had a long day at work and was looking forward to some leftover spaghetti for dinner. I got home, took the spaghetti out of the freezer and microwaved it. I removed the pasta from the microwave, but the plastic container warped in my hand and I immediately dropped it. It splattered all over my kitchen floor and I spent half an hour crying while I cleaned it up. I really wanted that spaghetti and I'm still a little salty about wasting it.
#39 Missing Aromas
When I was very pregnant, I put a roast in the crock pot before my nursing shift. It was a long day and I looked forward to walking in the door and smelling that delicious meaty aroma! I walked in, and immediately became concerned by the lack of said aroma. I had forgotten to plug the crock pot in. I cried and cried. My husband went out and bought me a milkshake, my other favorite pregnancy food, which helped.
#40 Look How Long They Are
I cried once because of how long my puppy's legs were. At the time, she was three months old and I was sitting in bed with my boyfriend at the time. While the little puppy slept, I exclaimed, "Look how long her legs are!” I then quietly said, "Look how long they are..." and started crying at how cute they were.
#41 Bambi’s Mom
When my wife was pregnant, I came home from work and she was sobbing. I was legitimately worried something happened with the pregnancy. Nope, she was crying because Bambi’s mom got shot. “Oh, were you watching Bambi today?” Nope. She just remembered the movie from when she was about six years old and lost it.
#42 Chain of Tears
I was reading Shel Silverstein to my niece one time. I forget what the exact poem was, but it was something about the earth being flat. The illustration on the page showed a little girl looking over the edge of the flat earth while a dog nearby hung off the edge, hanging for dear life. This broke me for some reason. I cried for maybe 10 minutes before my niece burst into tears because I wouldn’t finish the poem.
#43 Office Space
If I can comment for my wife, I remember this one time when she was pregnant and got really upset at a movie she was watching. When she watched Office Space for the first time, she cried because “that guy didn’t get to eat any cake and they took his stapler and never gave it back.” I can’t really argue with her.
#44 Dumb Funny Comment
Right after I gave birth to my baby, I was reeling from the hormones of birth and postpartum. My husband said some offhanded, albeit funny comment. The fact that what he said was funny and that he was saying it to me and that I married a funny man made me respond to his dumb funny comment with actual weeping.
#45 Earning a New Nickname
I cried over a Beneful commercial once. The guy just really loved his old dog and they had gone through so much together in their life montage. I also lost it at the end of the movie Frankenweenie . I cried throughout the whole credits and earned the nickname "Frankenweenie" from my friends for a few months. Dogs just get to me...
#46 Pitying the Plums
Back when I was pregnant, I was making a fruit salad to bring with me to a family gathering. I picked up some peaches and plums at a local produce stand and brought them home. As I was cutting up the fruit, I said to myself, “Ugh, who likes plums anyway?” Then I just started crying because I felt sorry for plums.
#47 Sad Entertainment
I cried while watching a family episode of Fear Factor . It was the episode where a father/daughter team worked so well together and then they high-fived and hugged. Also, I cried once while watching The Abyss when Ed Harris did CPR on his wife and screamed at her not to pass away. I had an uncontrollable, shoulder-shaking, gross snotty cry.
#48 Those Pretzels
When I was super pregnant, I was at the mall with my boyfriend. I went to Pretzel Twister while he went somewhere else for food. They were taking such a long time making my order and I was starting to get so upset that I knew I would burst into tears if I said anything. They had forgotten about my order. Even though my boyfriend was at the counter getting them, I was ugly crying my way to the car. I cried for probably 20 minutes over those pretzels.
#49 Freak Episode
Literally nothing. It was many years ago in the ninth grade. I was bawling my eyes out in English class. An acquaintance asked what was wrong and I said, “Nothing! Nothing happened and I'm crying!” I was freaking out about it and that made me cry more. The acquaintance then put on the most smarmy, condescending face, patted my arm and said, "Oh, honey. Are you on your period?" I should’ve decked her, but she was right. I hadn't even considered it because my monthly had never caused an emotional reaction and it hasn't since.
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#50 Not the Blankets
Early on in my pregnancy, I started bawling because I have a lot of blankets. I thought about how much I love my blankets because they’re soft, but what if my husband leaves me and takes my blankets just to spite me? Fortunately, I have a really chill husband who assured me he was not going to leave me or take my blankets.
