Secretive People Share Their ‘We Will Never Speak Of This Again’ Story

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We’ve all been caught in the middle of an awkward interaction that, by the end of it, you and the other person involved share a knowing look that says: “We will never speak of this again.” Maybe you mistook one another for two completely different people and only realized once it was too late to turn back. Maybe the ordeal was one-sided, and you saw or heard something you weren’t supposed to.

The only appropriate response to the situation would be to pretend it never happened and to never speak of it again. We asked the internet to tell us their greatest “we will never speak of this moment again” stories, and they delivered. Whether you can relate or not, you will enjoy the hilarity of the following awkward stories.

#1 Did She Think It Was For Him Or Did She Put Two And Two Together?

My high school girlfriend asked if she could mail some lingerie to my house because she couldn’t pass off getting mail when her parents collected it. Fine with me, my family is very serious about personal privacy. However, my neighbor wasn’t, and the mailman delivered it to her house. She opened it not realizing it was addressed to my house.

She panicked, not knowing what to do, and brought it over. I wasn’t home, so my older sister took it for me and left it on my bed. When I returned home, all my sister said was, “There’s a package on your bed and we’re never speaking of this again.” I found it hysterical, my girlfriend was absolutely mortified.

pwrwisdomcourage

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#2 The Sister Act

My divorced dad was playing horseshoes in a league with my aunt on my mom’s side. They went together one night when I was about 16. I went to a friends house to sleep over and didn’t think any more of it until I got home the next morning and her car was still in the driveway. Innocent and stupid me went into the house expecting my aunt to maybe be crashed on the couch or something. Then I heard the shower running and thought, weird. Then I heard my dad laugh, coming from the bathroom with my aunt laughing too. I tiptoed out of the house and went right back to my friend’s house completely flabbergasted by what I just walked in on.

HilaryKay25

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#3 A Little Late To The Part

When I was eight years old, I went swimming with my brother and his girlfriend at my grandparent’s house. Our house wasn’t far, so we just walked back wearing our swimsuits. Once we got to the house, I was told to shower and wait for them in the living room. So my brother and his girlfriend went down into our basement where my brother’s room was and I went into the upstairs bathroom to shower.

I realized I didn’t have a towel and started to make my way to my mother’s bathroom to get on. That is when I noticed a cucumber sitting on the counter. Bear with me here, as this is where it gets odd. I took the cucumber and went downstairs. As I approached my brother’s bedroom door I shoved the cucumber in my swimming trunks.

I was just imagining the hilarity that would come after I showed them my goofy trick. I swung the door open in complete confidence and the first thing I saw was my brother tearing off his girlfriend’s bikini top with his teeth. The cucumber hit the floor as well as my jaw. Suddenly, I made eye contact with my brother’s girlfriend and then with my brother.

I looked down and saw the cucumber at my feet and said, “I wanted the cucumber to be a joke.” I picked up the cucumber, turned around and shut the door behind me. My brother and his girlfriend are now married and have been together for 12 years. We’ve never spoken of that event again, but it isn’t as awkward to think about now that we’re older.

Splinter117

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#4 The Mysterious Case Of Dad In The Kitchen

One fateful night when I was around 12, I woke up and for some reason, I was sure I was super late for school. I threw on some clothes and walked into the kitchen, still half asleep. What I saw in the kitchen was utterly confusing. My dad was standing there, naked, chugging milk straight from the carton like a madman. I looked at him but I was too tired to be shocked.

He, on the other hand, looked like he had just seen a ghost. I looked up at the clock and it was 4 a.m. I really didn’t understand anything except that I could sleep more at this point, so without a word I just turned around slowly and went back to bed. The look on his face still haunts me. I forgot to mention that he never put the carton down. He just stared at me in shock, milk to mouth, until I left. For all I know, he stood there chugging milk all night.

Z4rk0s

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#5 Out Of The Frying Pan And Into The Fire

I was about 15 and definitely old enough to know better. I was putting spiders and ice cubes on the super hot wood stove because I found the Leidenfrost effect interesting. I thought it would be funny to do it with my pee. For the uninitiated, what happens is the pee vaporizes and, depending on the volume of your bladder, it produces a thick and clearly visible dark brown cloud. If you can imagine the smog line in LA, it looks like that.

That cloud hugs the ceiling and hangs down about a foot. It doesn’t really move because it’s water vapor and it leaves a film on everything it touches. The cloud absolutely does not dissipate before your mother gets home from work. I was sort of a naughty kid anyhow, so she thought I had started a fire with something. In order to avoid a worse punishment, I had to take responsibility. That was the only time I can remember her looking at me with actual hatred.

MrdrBrgr

#6 Unsolicited…You Know

I accidentally sent a racy snap of myself to my girlfriend’s best friend. I immediately called my girlfriend and told her what just happened while writing, “SORRY, THAT WAS NOT FOR YOU” to the friend. We all laughed about it and I thought we agreed on not talking about it… but I was wrong. All her friends know about it.

larzolof

#7 The Last Thing You Want To See At A Friend’s House

I was at my brother’s girlfriend’s house waiting for them to get back. While waiting, I needed to go to the bathroom. Lo and behold, the girlfriend’s mom walked out in only her underwear and screamed, “When did you get here?” I then ran back to the living room and just sat staring blankly at the TV until my brother got back.

Dontlagmebro

#8 Don’t Want To Kindle That Flame

I was like, “Wow she is hot,” followed immediately with, “Oh my god, that’s my cousin!” while swiping. It all happened so fast. The same thing must have happened to her because we matched. I just messaged her and we agreed to never speak of it again. And we never have. Things are weird around the holidays. We just kind of make eye contact and then one of us finds a reason to leave the room immediately to go and talk to other family members who we have not matched with on Tinder.

Outrageous_Claims

#9 If It’s Not Yours And It’s Not Yours, Then Whose Is It?

My sister and I thought we had a moment like this, but we spoke of it years later and realized it was just a misunderstanding all along. I grew up with two sisters and my middle sister and I were closer to each other than we were to the older one. One time when I was about 15, my mom found empty adult beverage bottles in the trash. Since my oldest sister was living away at college at the time, we figured they weren’t hers.

So my middle sister thought it was mine and took the blame for it. I don’t think she got in much trouble, but she thought she was doing me a favor. It was actually NOT mine, and I assumed that since she accepted blame for it, then it was her. Nothing more happened. The truth was only revealed when my oldest sister came home one time and we talked about the incident while our parents were out for dinner. For the longest time, it had been something we just never talked about.

jennafoo33

#10 Nature Calls

My wife and I were out on the lake fishing when all of a sudden, I felt a rumbling in my gut. I was about to go #2 in my pants. I looked around and noticed we were nowhere near a dock and there was nobody else on the water. I looked at my wife in the eye and told her I was sorry. I then proceeded to hang my butt over the side of the boat. It was over quite quickly, thankfully. My wife passed me a few old receipts from her purse so I could clean up. She told me she still loved me and we kept on fishing.

Kinhammer

#11 How Was That A Logical Conclusion?

My friends and I were playing “Never have I ever” and I brought up that I’d never had a hickey. They decided to change that, so two of them pinned me down while two others gave me hickeys on each side of my neck. No one was really sure how it got to that point, but it happened and hasn’t been brought up since.

jrsutko

#12 Ticks Have No Sense Of Personal Space

I came home from a week at Girl Scout camp and discovered a tick the size of a thumbtack, attached to a very private place. I had to go to my mom and get her to help detach it. When she finished, she told me we didn’t ever have to talk about this again if I didn’t want to. Her tone made it clear that she certainly didn’t want to.

Deleted

#13 More Single Than Ever

My brother had an imaginary girlfriend. He even made her a fake Facebook profile and she would post loving messages on his wall. I asked about her a few times and, after a while, I got suspicious, so I did an image search for her photos. They were for another person in another country. Also, no one ever saw the imaginary girlfriend.

If someone asked me about her after seeing their loving Facebook exchanges, I would kind of imply that we’d met to spare my brother (and myself) embarrassment. Eventually, he stopped talking about the imaginary girlfriend and she stopped posting fake things. I will never ask what happened to her. I’m pretty sure he will never mention her again. She’s still on Facebook.

Goldeverywhere

#14 What Part Of Never Talking About This Again Don’t You Understand?

In middle school, my crush’s mom and my mom drove the exact same SUV with similar license plates. After school one day, I ran up, hopped in my mom’s car, and started talking. She didn’t talk back and hadn’t left the pick-up line. Then I looked at her. She was not my mom. I looked to my right and my crush was standing outside the car looking at me like I was crazy.

I sheepishly got out and ran a few cars back to my real mom. A few years later, I had moved back to the area and was a cashier at a local store. My crush came through the line, recognized me and brought up the incident… I just interrupted him halfway with a “yes,” handed him his change and quickly started the next customer.

MrsG_MomOfMystery

#15 Bribery At Its Finest

When I was 17, a huge photo radar ticket came in for my truck. It said I had been going something like 40 km/h over the speed limit. My mom was furious at me. “HOW DARE YOU DRIVE LIKE A MANIAC? I RAISED YOU BETTER,” and all that. But It turns out, I wasn’t the driver that day. My dad had borrowed it to pick something up. I asked him how much it was worth to him for me to take the fall knowing she’d turn on him with the fury of an angry mama bear. That’s I got myself a new HDTV that year.

DominionGhost

#16 I’m Not Sure That Was The Right Response, But Hey

My mom heard me talking to my best friend about the new edition of Club International adult magazine that had Geri Halliwell in it. I got back from school one day and there was a brown paper bag on the sofa, which my mom edged towards me and walked off. Fourteen-year-old me was forever grateful. You’re the best, mom!

teksti-tv666

#17 Everybody Poops

I had to stay with a work friend one night as we had a conference in his home town the next day. It was weird enough staying in his spare room, but to top things off, he had a fancy modern bathroom with a square toilet… Naturally, I clogged it in the morning. After 30 minutes of fruitless searching for a plunger, while the situation went from bad to worse, he knocked on the door and asked if I was okay. I had to tell him not to come in but to just hand me a freaking plunger and some bleach. Apparently, his girlfriend did the same thing the first night she stayed at his place, so at least I’m not alone. To this day, I cannot look him in the eye at work.

ironicadler

#18 What Kind Of Middle Schoolers Have That Much Decency?

When I was at a middle school pool party, I was with a bunch of my guy friends and one girl. Halfway through, her bikini top slipped and I’m 90% sure every one of us saw it, but nobody said anything. She quickly fixed it and nobody has mentioned the incident in quite some time. Even the guys never brought it up amongst themselves.

Starbuckeroo13

#19 A Crappy Situation

One time, I was taking a #2 and felt very faint. I started getting cold sweats and dizziness. In a panic, I shouted for my wife to come and help me. As she entered the room, I proceeded to faint. I fell off the toilet and rolled my body onto its side to prevent injury. Mid-fall, the deed occurred. When I came to my senses again, my wife was standing there in shock. I got up, grabbed some toilet paper and picked up my shame. We never spoke of it again.

squatfarts

#20 All’s Fair In Love And War

During WWII, my father was a photographer for the 9th Army Air Corps. Most of the time it was ground-based, but occasionally he flew. During the lead-up to D-Day, he flew multiple missions in a bomber converted to a stereoscopic camera (3D imagery) platform (the bomb bay had been gutted and the camera installed there).

They would overfly France and take pictures until they either ran out of film or the Luftwaffe showed up. To minimize detection, they flew alone with the escort fighters circling out over the Channel. In event of an attack, they’d drop until they were skimming the waves and run for England, passing under the fighters who’d engage the Germans while they fled.

This, of course, didn’t have its risks and on more than one occasion they’d be caught too deep into France or the German fighters would get the drop on them and they’d have to man the guns. Crew size meant even the photographers had to man a gun. So with all that, here’s the “let’s never speak of this again” moment.

They were still at a high altitude. One of the guns jammed and the gunner took off his glove and ended up freezing his hand to the metal of the gun. He was yelling for help and my dad went over and said, “There are two ways to get your hand off. Either we yank it off, or we use some warm liquid. I know of only one source of that… Never tell anybody about this.” My dad didn’t keep his word, and thus was born the often told story of how my father went #1 on a crewmate’s hand and the guy thanked him for it.

poorbred

#21 Making Memories On That Mountaintop

My buddy and I did a short road trip in Norway and ended up in Rjukan. There’s a big mountain there called Gaustatoppen. We took the train and elevator inside the mountain to get to the top, but there was still a 45-minute walk through rough terrain in order to reach the top. We were on the first transport up and a Swedish couple was five minutes or so behind us.

We were approaching the top when I noticed I kind of needed a rest stop. I didn’t want to go all the way back down to find a toilet, so I decided to push on. We finally reached the top, at which point I’m struck by that sensation when you know you have precisely 10 seconds to remove your pants and do the thing.

I informed my buddy and he was like, “Are you kidding?” I told him to watch for the Swedes and stall them if they came upon us. I then waddled, cheeks clenched, towards the edge of the mountain and released the demons. Last nights Chinese food was FOUL. All I could do was find some rocks and make a small cairn to hide the mess, then politely greet the Swedes when they caught up with us not a minute later. Phew. My buddy swore a vow of silence. Now, whenever I see a picture of the mountain or whatever, I always think, “Yup, I took a dump on that summit.”

wuddie89

#22 Waging War

My father and I had an adult magazine cold war. There has been a tacit agreement never to speak of it, and we haven’t. When I was a teenager, my mother found my hedgerow stash. Both parents confronted me with it when I got home from school. And, of course, they confiscated it and threw it out. Or so I thought.

Months later, I happened upon my collection hidden at the bottom of my dad’s wardrobe. Hidden from my mother, clearly. So I took it back and hid it in my bedroom. What could he even do? Later on, he found it again and took it back. Then I found it again and took it back. This went on for years and it’s never been mentioned. It never will be.

BillyTheWrist

#23 So Embarrassed, She Changed Clothes

My husband, his family and I all went to a baseball game in Toronto. I had spent the last few years learning how to throw a ball and would play catch with my husband. I was pretty good and still am if I do say so myself. I could throw further and harder than most men in a tournament I played. I was pretty confident in myself with throwing.

At this game, they had a big outside event. They had a radar set up in an inflatable tent. People were throwing the ball and seeing how fast they could throw. The line up was long, but I was so pumped and overconfident. I have intense stage fright and it was my turn. Crowds were watching me. They handed me a hardball, but I had been playing softball.

I’m not used to the ball so my grip is off. I threw it. Somehow, I missed the walls of this massive tent I was standing at the entrance of. The ball went far but then a loud smashing sound was heard followed by the crowd gasp. It hit a car windscreen! I was beyond embarrassed. The car stopped and then for some reason kept driving. The event guys operating the radar didn’t know what to do. I just left. My husband was in tears laughing. I was so ashamed I bought a new shirt inside so no one would notice me. I still cringe. That was like six years ago. I played hardball ever since that day.

nanoumoon

#24 Hold My Cold One

My wife and I were at my cousin’s apartment in a big city. They have a balcony on the 40th floor. We were all outside on the balcony drinking some cold ones and getting a little intoxicated. My wife rested her can on the railing of the balcony. I scolded her and went over to move it when my half-intoxicated and clumsy self knocked it off and we watched in horror as it fell in slow motion 40 stories to the ground, next to a crowd of people. We never mentioned it to anyone.

EL_DIABLOW

#25 Oh No…

When my best friend died, we figured he would have liked a “sky burial” of some kind. So at the height of the funeral party, we released his ashes into heavens with a giant balloon. After a few meters of flight, the string snapped, and his remains covered the mourning crowd. Everyone made their best efforts to get very intoxicated as soon as possible. We will never speak of this ever.

DraftyPelican

#26 Definitely Husband Material

The smoking hot guy I met the weekend prior asked me out and, naturally, I said yes. Because I’d just met him, I asked if I could drive, and he said no problem. On the way to get some grub, we were cruising along with the perfect tunes playing in the car, windows down, on an absolutely beautiful night. He looked over, I looked over… and we were both just sparkling, you know?

It was one of those moments where you’d want to take a mental snapshot. And THEN…I guess we must have driven through an area of something he was allergic to? Because he sneezed a couple of small ones, then with one MASSIVE blow, HONKED a HUGE wad of SNOT all over my windshield and dashboard!

But, unbelievably, that’s NOT the worst part. No. He pretended like it DIDN’T HAPPEN, and went about talking, scooping it up with his HANDS and smearing it ONTO HIS PANTS! I. Was. BEYOND. Mortified. We had to go to dinner like that, with SNOTTY PANTS! Sigh. I still ended up marrying him. We have NEVER, EVER spoken of it again, not even 40 years later.

SkootchDown

#27 Sounds Like Someone Needs Some Blackmail

After a house party when I was a teenager, my friend and I both passed out on my bed. About three hours later, I woke up with a horrendous cramp in my leg so I sat on the edge of the bed massaging it. My friend woke up and thought I was doing something very different but it got too awkward to ask what was going on. He never said anything until the next morning when he was giving me a weird look. I’d prefer we never speak of it again… He loves twisting the story to any girls on nights out.

JustAnotherBloke001

#28 The Geometry Of The Whole Thing Sounds Like A Picasso Painting

When I was a teenager, I got home and took a shower. It was only me and my sister in the house. I got shampoo in my eyes and in a little panic, I slipped, ripped the shower curtain down, fell out of the bath and hit my head on the radiator, landing with my arm down the toilet. My sister burst in to see what had made a huge crashing sound and there I was…naked, wrapped up in a shower curtain on the floor with my arm down the toilet.  Twelve years later and it’s never been brought up.

Ali35j

#29 Mom, No!

It’s been like five years since my dad divorced my mom. Anyway, my mom is not too good with phone stuff. My dad came to pick me and my brother up from my mom’s apartment and our mom climbed in the backseat of my dad’s car because my brother was in the front. She then asked my dad to help her fix her phone (she just bought a new one).

It was something with syncing contacts with Gmail I think, so my dad opened up Chrome. My dad saw that she had around 100 tabs open, so my dad opened them up, and then, it hit us. My mom was searching for adult content, and instead of deleting the history, she just made a new tab. Me, my brother and my father were watching. We all had a short laugh but we stopped, instantly.

We didn’t want our mom to know we saw that. After like, two seconds of being scared of all that weird stuff my mom was searching, my dad shut down Chrome and gave the phone to my mom. He told her he didn’t know how to fix it. Then my mom left the car. We never ever talked about this. Not even between my brother and I. I don’t think I dared to touch her phone ever again.

TheWhistz

#30 Plausible Deniability

I was trying to teach my new girlfriend how to drive my manual car. She told me she had done it a few times and knew what she was doing. Fast forward ten minutes later and I no longer had a front bumper. She continued with, “I can’t believe I did this! Your friends and family are going to think I’m an idiot!” I just replied with, “I did this” and we haven’t spoken of it since. Everyone thinks I’m the idiot.

Freeskier101

#31 Parenting Is An Adventure Sometimes

Some years ago, the toilet in my kids’ bathroom got really clogged. Like impossibly clogged. Nothing, not even one of those toilet snake things could unclog it. It was so bad that I literally took the toilet bowl apart and removed it from the mounting, just to see just what the heck was clogging it. Finally, after some poking and prodding around, I dislodged a small canister of hairspray—you know, those travel-size versions, about five inches high and maybe over an inch in circumference.

Confused, I asked my son if he knew how that could have gotten in there. He had a horrified look on his face as if I had dug something up out of a grave. He was about 13 or 14 at the time, so suddenly I had an idea of what was going on. He tried to explain it away as, “Oh, I was just fooling around and trying to see what I could flush down the toilet,” but I knew his butt was lying.

TemporalLobe

#32 Don’t Tell Mom

I got into a car accident for the first time in my life when my younger brother was visiting me. I wasn’t paying attention to the car in front of me and I rear-ended them pretty hard. Luckily, no one was hurt. We exchanged information, took pictures, but there was no noticeable damage so we left it at that. I looked at my brother and we both agreed never to bring it up again. I gave him that car when he turned 18.

trolldoll26

#33 Sounds Like It All Worked Out Okay

Back in the days of ICQ, I was chatting with a female friend and I wanted to send her a picture of a holiday trip we took together. My computer desktop has always been a mess, with dozens of files saved in no particular order. I opened a new email (there was no file sharing on ICQ then), drag-dropped the file and clicked send.

At the same second, I realized it was not the correct file, but rather some adult content. I tried to unplug the Ethernet, but it was too late. I rushed to message her to not open the email, with some farfetched excuse of being a joke email some other friend sent me. She pretended to believe me and never mentioned it. She’s a true friend.

Pippin1505

#34 I Feel Like Telling The Truth Would Have Been Easier

At school, this kid and I found a pill on the counter and we chucked it into a urinal, for whatever reason. About an hour later, a teacher pulled me out of class asking what I had found in the bathroom. Apparently, the kid I was with told the teachers that I had found a pill, and the school wanted it. I was taken to the office and they were demanding this pill from me, which I just didn’t have.

I lied and said I threw it away, and they demanded that I search the trash for it. I was silently freaking out knowing that if I didn’t come back with this pill, I could probably get in serious trouble. They sent this kid with me to go search the trash, and while in the bathroom we looked at each other and knew what had to be done.

I reached into the urinal, grabbed the partially dissolved pill, and dried it off with a paper towel. We told each other that we would never speak of the instance again under any circumstance. We gave the pill to the school and they asked why it was kind of dissolved. We told them it was wrapped in a wet paper towel when we threw it away and they believed us.

rundms

#35 Who Averages Sibling Ages With A Standard Deviation?

One time, my dad took my siblings and me out for a spin in his new car in late December. Went around a bit, giving it the old razz. As we turned a corner, the car started to tilt to about 50 degrees on its side, so we were all like, “This is it, here we go tumbling.” But we didn’t tumble. We just kind of waited for a bit, then the car slammed back onto the road. He made us promise to not tell our mom, with the threat being that we wouldn’t do anything fun ever again.

Wisbecher

#36 Port-O-Problem

Many years ago, I went to a three-day Christian music fest. We got there after dark and set up our tents. We had to use the bathroom and ran to the port-a-potty without flashlights because we were 17 and beyond dumb. I popped a squat and started to get a TON of splash back. I didn’t know how it was so filled already since it was only the first night.

I used a wad of toilet paper, tossed it into the hole, but it was strangely floating. I realized later that I went #1 on the brand new port-a-potty with the toilet lid still closed. I felt immediate shame. I had to release my guilt and confided in my best friend later that night. She did the same exact thing.

Yogabi

#37 I Feel Like Most Photographers Can Relate

I was working IT for a hospital. The neurosurgeon had ordered a new lamp for his microscope. It came in through IT instead of engineering for some reason, so it fell to me to drop it off to him. When I did, he asked me to fit it as well. Medical equipment isn’t my field but the instructions were right there on the box, so I did.

Okay, cool. I got the new lamp fitted, and I could see it shining through the housing. So why wasn’t the PC capturing an image from the microscope? The surgeon didn’t know either. It had been like this for weeks. I didn’t know microscopes, but I did my best to troubleshoot. Lamp on, check. Comms cord plugged in and seated tightly, check.

The PC was receiving a signal, but for some reason, it was a completely blank signal. Neither one of us could figure out the problem, so we called up a medical engineer who took one long look at the microscope from across the room and announced that the lens cap was on. The brain surgeon and I shared a single humiliating glance and silently promised each other never to talk about that moment. A promise I’ve broken for your enjoyment.

I_throw_socks_at_cat

#38 You’ve Got To Give The Lady Credit For Her Unquestioning Hospitality

My husband and I were going to Thanksgiving dinner at the house of some of my dad’s family that I only kind of knew. We got there, knocked, and a woman I didn’t recognize let us in. We went into the home and there wasn’t anyone there. We were making small talk with this lady and I asked when everyone was coming. She asked what I meant. Turns out, we were at the wrong house. The woman just thought we were friends of her husband (because he would randomly bring people home) and that we had simply arrived before he did.

LeafyQ

#39 Maybe He Shouldn’t Watch Lassie

When I was a high school senior, I was outside with a friend in my driveway. For some reason, I didn’t have my glasses on and a neighborhood dog ran up to me out of nowhere. I didn’t see it coming, and I was so startled I wet my pants before I saw it was a Labrador. My friend was laughing at first until she realized what happened, then she just had a big shocked face. I was so embarrassed. I just went inside and changed. My friend was older than me, kind of a mentor figure, so she never mentioned it again and didn’t give me a hard time afterward.

Dinger814

#40 Habanero Torture

My husband and I work at the same small office. We were the first ones in that morning and the other employees usually didn’t show up for another hour or so. There’s only one bathroom on our floor as it’s a small business. Anyway, I had just had some habanero spicy thing the day before and I was in for some punishment on this particular morning.

I’m talking doubled over, clutching your stomach, your farts are fire type of punishment. I heard a knock on the bathroom door and I assumed it was my husband. “Hang on, I’m having the habanero squirts. I’ll be out as soon as I can,” I groaned out between awful sounds. Then I heard a female voice awkwardly reply, “Oh… okay.” When I was done, I went back out into the office and clearly, it was no longer just my husband and me in the office. My coworker gave me a look that basically said don’t worry, I won’t ever speak a word of this.

[deleted]

#41 The Greatest Tragedy Was The Loss Of A Perfectly Good Hot Pocket

I got up one night to get some water and found that my teenage son was in the kitchen getting food. He was behind the kitchen counter, so I could only see him from the waist up. When he came around the counter into the hall, two things happened simultaneously: he noticed me, and his eyes grew wide in horror. I saw that he was butt-naked except for a pair of socks.

He tried to panic-run backward on the tile floor (imagine Scooby Doo trying to run but getting stuck in place in a flurry of limbs) but ended up slipping and taking a hard seat on the tile. Worst of all, he dropped his Hot Pocket. I made sure he was okay, then went back to bed and laughed my butt off. Years later, we were driving and reminiscing about funny memories. I said, “Do you remember that night—” and he cut me off with, “Yes.” I didn’t even have to specify which night. We knew, and we were silent.

dangshescary

#42 Just Gonna Take A Quick Nap

During a training exercise, I was the driver and my team leader was in the passenger seat. We were on a convoy mission and of course, this was very late into the night, so we were both already exhausted from the long day. Well, the convoy was moving extremely slow, like moving 20 meters up then halt for 10 minutes before moving again.

Well apparently, both my team leader and I fell asleep and when we woke up the convoy was gone. In a panic, we started driving forward and eventually found the convoy again and jumped right back in like we were never gone. No one knew we were gone and we both agreed, without actually saying it, to never bring it up.

PuzzleSlayerrr

#43 What Do You Even Do In That Situation?

I was in a marching band during my freshman and sophomore years of high school. We usually practiced on the blacktop (parking lot) right outside the band hall but for whatever reason on this day, we practiced in the football stadium. We were taking a water break and I really had to go #1, so I walked up to the concession stands were the bathrooms were.

The girl’s bathroom was on one side and it was locked, so I thought I’d walk around to the other side to see if the men’s bathroom was unlocked. When I turned the corner, one of the tuba players was squatting in the grass having explosive diarrhea. I kind of just froze in shock and asked him if he needed help. Eventually, I just walked all the way to the gym to use the bathroom and when I went back to the field I ran my fingers across my lips at the tuba player to let him know that I would never say a word about it.

omglookawhale

#44 This One Wins It For The Shock Value

When I was younger, my sister took our pet hamster and swallowed him whole. I didn’t, and still don’t, know what I should do with this information.

Potential_Expert

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