Scumbags Share The Worst Thing They’ve Ever Done
No one is perfect. We’ve all heard this before— beauty is in the imperfections. Although there is some truth to it, there is a definite darker side to this idiom. We’ve all had less than innocent moments, and sometimes we end up committing some acts we are less than proud of. Have you met anyone who hasn’t told a lie or did something slightly wrong? The chances are mighty slim.
Whether you let someone else take the fall for a failed project at work or you blatantly stole something, being a scumbag comes easy sometimes. Some scumbag stories are way worse than others. These peope have shared the worst thing they have done in their entire lives. Some of these anecdotes will definitely make you feel better about your most shameful acts— no matter how large. Ever orchestrate a full-on bank robbery? We didn’t think so. Some of these real-life accounts come pretty darn close.
#35 The Perfect Teenage Crime
One night when I was 16, alone in the house and bored, I stole a bottle of booze out of my parent’s bar. I took it to my room where, with great care, I slowly peeled back the tax strip, opened it, and poured it out into a cup. I then filled it with water, resealed it, and put it back under the bar. The perfect crime. Fast forward six months. My transgression completely forgotten, it’s Christmas time and my mom is going out to her company Christmas party. Before she leaves, she hands me that bottle and asks me to wrap it for her.
#34 A Really Unfortunate Coincidence
Back when my sister and I still lived together, I had a cell phone and she didn’t. Because of that, she used to give out my number to her friends so that she could talk to them. I was okay with it at first but she had a friend who, as time went on, got worse and worse.
She would call maybe 10 to 15 times a day looking for my sister. It was annoying as hell. Well one day, I’m in the kitchen with my sister making some food and my phone rings. I look at the Caller ID and it was her friend. I just couldn’t handle it and snapped at my sister.
“I hope this girl dies so she stops calling my phone all the time! She’s so annoying.”
I will never forget those words because that was the call telling my sister that her friend had been in a car accident and had passed away instantly. Her mom was calling all of her most frequently used contacts and letting them know.
I still feel like garbage every time I think about that.
#33 Revenge Is Best Served Hot
Some really young kids were constantly harassing my mom because, when she could, she would give out candy to all of the tenants that rented from her in one of the mega-apartment complexes she managed. They would come to the door at all hours asking for candy, and if she didn’t have any, they would call her names, swear at her, and throw things at her door.
I went to visit one day when she wasn’t home, but my little brother was there. He was all psyched to show me this unbelievably hot Komodo dragon chili pepper he had gotten his hands on. He asked if I wanted to try a sliver, and of course, I said no. Just as he started cutting it up for himself, these kids come to the door. They asked if we had any candy, and I said no, and they asked for the “stupid old lady” that lived there. I said, “Woah little man, you shouldn’t say stuff like that” and they ran laughing. My little brother tells me all about these kids, and he gets an idea. He had some of those frosted multicolored gumdrops, so we took just the green ones, carefully cut them open, and placed part of this pepper in the middle of them. While we are performing this ‘surgery’, these kids keep knocking at the door and running away. Finally, we open the door and say hey, we found some candy. I offer the bowl of these things and they grab handfuls of them and take off.
About 15 minutes later, we hear this sound like an ambulance getting softer than louder, softer than louder. We look out the window, and there is one of the kids, running around in circles and stuffing his shirt in his mouth, bawling. At the time, we thought this was hilarious. What we didn’t expect was a few minutes later when we heard the kid outside the door with his dad.
I open the door, and the dad looks at me and says, “I’m sorry, but my son said you gave him ‘bad’ candy”? I said I apologize, we had some gumdrops in the back, and I know my mom usually gives the kids candy, but that there may be some hot ones in the mix. He looks at his son, smacks him on the back of the head, and says “Suck it up. You’ve had hot candy before”. The kid, still crying and in between stuttered breaths, manages to eek out, “NOT THIS HOT!”.
The dad actually apologized to us. I found out those kids never bothered my mom again, and that one probably never ate a green gumdrop again in his life.
#32 Here’s To Happy Gaming Endings
I swapped out my broken PlayStation with a neighbor kid’s PlayStation. Literally ran to my house when he went down for supper and swapped them out before he came back upstairs. He called my house asking if his PlayStation was working fine when he was gone. I, of course, acted as if nothing seemed wrong with it. Felt so bad I ended up having another opportunity that weekend and swapped them back again. I felt a little better when he called later that day super excited that his PlayStation “worked” again. Yeah, 12-year-old me was a grade-A scumbag.
#31 When Nature Calls
I don’t know if this is a scumbag thing, but I headed into a public bathroom once because I was about to explode from Szechuan food. But, just before I was about to unleash havoc, the guy in the next stall got a phone call so I held it until he answered and right after he said hello I pushed worth as much force as I could muster, devastating the toilet and sending out a very satisfying and resounding noise. I don’t actually feel bad about it. You shouldn’t answer the phone in a public bathroom, but he probably thought I was a scumbag. There was no mistaking they heard that on the other end of that call.
#30 Foot In Mouth At That Point
I went to an Ultimate Frisbee tournament as a Coach one year in middle school. In the finals match, the opposing coach asked why I wasn’t playing. I told him my Make-A-Wish was to coach a frisbee team, assuming he would get that I was joking. He replied by telling me his son was getting his wish in the coming month. His face when I said I was joking and apologized still haunts me.
#29 Guilt Is On Replay In Their Brain
When I was six years old, my dad spent all day recording songs off the radio onto a tape. He gave it to me when I got home from school.
I listened to one song, told him I didn’t like that kind of music and recorded over everything he’d assembled. I still feel horrible about it.
I recently told him about the guilt and apologized, and he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
#28 The Ultimate Urinary Heist
In a camp, sleeping in bags with other kids. I peed myself at night so I peed on the kid next to me to blame him (made it look like the pee got to my side).
Twice. On the same kid.
#27 Just Typical Kid Stuff, Really
Summer before eighth grade, I used to spend prolonged periods of time with friends. One friend and I usually ended up feuding about the most juvenile things, who got the best kill on Halo, who gets the last slice of pizza. We’d sock each other, mess with the other person’s food, trip each other, throw dirt clods, and be annoyed but laugh hysterically— it was like a long-term tennis match of shenanigans. Before we had resolved our most recent feud, my mom came to pick me up from his house. I was enjoying a bowl of clam chowder from his pantry and was still plotting how to strike.
So naturally, I hid the bowl of clam chowder under his bed against the wall and nested it behind some forgotten articles of clothing and left trying not to laugh.
At least a whole week goes by and we’re talking on the landline. And he’s interrupted repeatedly by his small dog growling and whimpering. He interrupts me many times to shout: “Toby! Shut up! I’m on the phone.” I forgot about the crusty chowder altogether until I hear him drag his dog away from the bed where Toby was trying to go. And it gets uncomfortably quiet before I hear “CLAM CHOWDER?! YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING!” And it all comes back to me and laugh until I’m hung up on. We’re still friends and hang out without the gimmicks 15 years later. He still brings it up and I’m still ashamed. But, it still makes us laugh.
#26 I Think I’m Going To Be Sick
My friend asked for a glass of water and I gave him a glass of vinegar. I have no idea why. He took a sip and was just like, “No way, bro” and went and got water.
#25 A True Scholar
In college, I attended a house party with a group of my friends. About three hours into the party, I notice everyone is flocking to the backyard. I follow the crowd and realize that my group of friends has gotten into a fight with another group of guys.
As I approach, I hear a girl say: “This is ridiculous! I’m calling the police!” I look at her and say, “You obviously had one too many. You’re slurring your words. Let me talk to the police.” She hands me her phone and I threw it as far as I possibly could, yelled to my friends, “Yo, we gotta get outta here NOW!” and we all bolted. Always kinda felt bad about throwing her phone but hey, I’m a problem solver.
#24 Thieving For Some Snacks
So this was when I was in trade school. The vending machines for snacks, cokes, and energy drinks also took cards. How it worked was you slid your card, punched in the code for what you wanted, and then hit end to purchase. The thing was the last part wasn’t explicitly stated. So I’d wait by the machine for somebody to swipe their card then buy something when they left. I’d get two or three things on their card. Free energy drinks! Drink some. Trade one for some other food. So yeah. Pretty scummy.
#23 Stirring The Pot
A long time ago, younger, more single and dumber me worked at telephone survey job. I was terrible at it but generally tried my best. Sometimes, though, I’d get bored, and you know what they say about idle hands.
Every once in a while we’d get an answering machine. The thing is, folks don’t generally remember when they record for their message. If they said their names, I’d strike. If the message was something like, “This is Bob and Sally, leave a message…” I’d record “Hey Sally, just wanted to say I had a great time this weekend. Thanks.”
I imagine there would be some… passionate conversations after that. Questions to the effect of, “If you don’t know him how does he know your name?”
I’m not proud of it.
#22 What A Start To A Vacation
When I was on holiday in a hotel I didn’t know very well, I was also looking after my little brother. I needed to use the washroom. Badly.
I couldn’t find out where a toilet was, so I dragged my brother into an empty Jacuzzi and did the dirty. We both screamed and ran out as it floated to the top and managed to convince him it was already there when we got in.
#21 Slippery Slope Into The Service
I replaced this guy’s vape juice with olive oil as payback for him stealing my mother’s liquor. Then I called his parents and told them that their son was drinking our liquor. I knew they were strict because the father was a pastor. Last I heard of him, he’s registered to join the Marines.
#20 What A Waste
I was a bit of a klepto as a kid. Over the course of a summer (think I was seven or eight), I stole at least half a dozen Tamagotchis from various kids at summer camp. I had one of my own so nobody suspected me. All the kids blamed the poor kid at camp but the counselors could never recover them. I hid them in my bedroom and let them all die.
#19 Simply A Savage
I stole one piece from a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle at a naming ceremony I attended with my parents.
#18 This Sounds Like A Movie Plot
This girl in high school told everyone I egged her house and was sleeping with her boyfriend.
I didn’t egg her house, it just seems that apparently she was just hated by more people than me (which, frankly, made sense). And I definitely wasn’t sleeping with her trashy boyfriend nor did I have any interest in doing so.
At first, it was just annoying but more and more people were making comments or saying those were really awful things to do or threatened to egg my house back. Finally, someone came into where I worked and made a comment about it while I was on shift.
I was so mad I egged her house and slept with her boyfriend. If I was going to get blamed for it, might as well make an honest woman out of her.
#17 Typical Middle School Drama
I dropped an open packet of ketchup onto the seat of a girl that annoyed me in middle school. She had white pants on.
#16 Karma Doing Its Job
My roommate in college angered me by saying bad stuff about me all over social media. She was always trying to get me in trouble with our Resident Assistant. She’d call them while I was at work, exaggerate how things were, and never communicated to me first about issues. The RAs would try to call, but again, I was at work so I couldn’t answer the phone and give my side of the story. Since I didn’t answer, they’d take her side on everything.
Well, she was using my furniture to store her stuff. She used my bookshelf for most of her stuff which was fine until she continuously did this and took up all the space. She had an expensive $700 camera. I set the camera on her bed. Tossed the bookshelf over so her stuff was ALL over the floor and put the camera in the mess. Just so it’d scare her that it may actually have been damaged. The rest of her stuff was everywhere and it took her a while to clean it all up. She broke down and cried. I laughed and moved out.
#15 Sometimes You Have To Fight Dirty
When I was a kid, I put some dishwashing liquid and water in a squirt gun. When the ice cream man came, he asked what I wanted. I said I wanted a drumstick, so he reached into the freezer and waited for the money. I didn’t have any so he asked why I did that. I said I do want it, I just don’t have any money. He got mad and I squirted him in the eyes with the soapy water. Why did I do it? I think I was mad that we never had money for stuff like that, and here he was parading it in my face every day. It’s been about 50 years and I still feel bad about it.
#14 Too Soon
College friend burned her whole apartment building to the ground. Not a joke.
About ten minutes after the fact, while we are literally sitting there watching the whole building engulfed in flames, I tried to lighten the mood and turned to her and said “Oh my god. Were you trying to cook or something?”
It was a grease fire. She was cooking bacon. She started crying and I felt terrible.
#13 That Escalated Quickly
When I was 14, my uncle stole some of my stuff to sell at a yard sale so I beat his Buick with a sledgehammer and then lit it on fire. In retrospect, I may have overreacted.
#12 Extremely Relateable
Someone was blocking the aisle with their big cart so I moved it out the way with my cart without saying excuse me.
#11 She Kind Of Has It Coming
When I was 13, on a really hot day in summer, a girl was picking on me in science class. So I chopped off a piece of liver we were dissecting and put it in her school bag. Apparently, it stank on the school bus at the end of the day!
#10 The Gift That Keeps On Giving
In high school, my brother and best friend were in a pranking war. While in college, we’d sneak over to the other’s car and soap it, etc. The line was finally drawn when my friend, Brian, dumped glitter into the air ducts of my brother’s car. It was a hot summer day and my brother jumps into his car, cranks the AC up, and the gold glitter goes everywhere. It was all over him, his hockey equipment, and delivery (he was working as a Jimmy Johns delivery boy at the time). Still, we find glitter in places in the car. It was like a pinata exploded in there.
I tipped my hat to that one, but man, was I happy to be out of the line of fire.
#9 A Total Accidental Jerk
I started dating this girl in high school that went to a different school. She had a few friends who went to my school, including this guy named Aaron. I never really talked to Aaron but he was in one of my classes and seemed like a nice guy, so I started trying to talk to him on occasion. I didn’t really know what to say, so I would just casually bring up my girlfriend around him, but it never led to any conversation, which was surprising because he was a pretty charismatic guy.
About a year later, my then girlfriend and I were watching TV and a character butt-dialed someone on accident, and she said: “Ugh, that happened to me when I was dating Aaron.” This surprised me because we had already talked about all of our exes and Aaron was never named. I mentioned this and she swore up and down that she told me that her and Aaron dated. I’m still convinced she never told me. I was a little mad, but I knew she wasn’t hiding that from me and just must have forgotten to mention it. That’s when I remembered how I was trying to become friends with this dude by constantly rubbing in his face that I was dating his ex. He must have really thought I was a total scumbag.
One time when I was 17, my friend was having some big party. I didn’t want to deal with that and just wanted to hang with a few of my friends. So, early on in the evening before it was to begin, I called in a fake noise complaint to get the police to drop by and maybe rattle him so my friend would call off the party.
Well little did I know that it had already begun, and the cops showed up and did a huge bust. Guess who was there partying? My two younger brothers. The worst part? He got a $2000 ticket.
#7 Heartless Heartbreak
Asked a girl to date me, realized I’d made a terrible mistake, dumped her four days later on Valentine’s Day. Yikes.
#6 A Really Awkward Sunset
This girl who liked me (but, I didn’t know it) was on a bridge with me, and there was a gorgeous sunset.
She looked at me and told me that the sunset was really beautiful and that her heart was beating really fast. I didn’t understand and told her mine wasn’t. I didn’t really like her, and so it was REALLY awkward.
#5 Here’s A Surprise Soda For Ya
Put laxatives in a can of Fanta and offered it to a girl I didn’t like in high school.
#4 Pasta Fingers Will Live On Forever
I was delivering pizza and pasta for a regional Grub Hub thing. Getting out of the car, the pasta spilled onto the floor of my dirty Jeep Wrangler. The decent thing would have been to go back to the restaurant and eat the $10 dollars. Instead, I scooped the pasta up and put it back in the tin with car dirt and fuzz and all and delivered it to the customers. I was fired within two hours and am now known as “Pasta Fingers” to my friends.
#3 Well, This Was Dragged Out
My friend dressed up in drag for Halloween, I took all his pics and uploaded them to a dating website, detailing his story of how he was becoming a woman and was in transition. A co-worker of his found them and the profile. Long story short, it turned into a real mess, people thought it was true, offered support, help, etc. He obviously denied it all, as he really had no clue about it, and the more he tried to deny it the more people tried to be his friend and help him. Thing is, I forgot all about it and he was too mad at me to talk to me and tell me to take it down so it stayed up for months before we hugged it out over drinks and had a few good laughs.
#2 Face. Palm.
An old coworker’s mom has just passed away. I didn’t know this as I had just gotten back from a two-week vacation, and apparently right as I left, her mom passed. So, my coworker was gone too to deal with family matters and her mom’s funeral and whatnot. No one told me why she was gone and I figured she was sick or something. I didn’t give it any thought since she was part-time.
Anyways, she comes back and I’m talking about the Halloween party I went to while on my vacation and how one person was dressed up in the infamous Pulp Fiction costume. I’m talking about this casually to her, not knowing what had just happened, and I tell her: “You have got to see this movie! That part is so crazy, she almost dies!”
She cried. And told me what happened. And I felt like a huge idiot.
#1 Kids Can Be Scumbags Too
This still haunts me to this day despite how petty it is. In kindergarten, we would all get a carton of milk every day at break time. Each time, two kids would go and cut the plastic encasing the cartons with plastic safety scissors. This kid and I get chosen to do it and when we get there I decide the cut my sweater with the scissors for no reason really. People notice and ask how it happened and because I didn’t want to get in trouble, I say that the other kid did it. Of course, he denied it but I was stupidly persistent. I kept saying he did it but giving really dumb explanations. I was asked what exactly happened and all I said was he came up to me and cut my sweater. I eventually confessed crying to my Mom and I felt guilty ever since.