Life comes at us fast. One day, we're minding our own business going about our daily lives, and the next day our whole world has changed. Whether it's a dark discovery, a disturbing deed, or a just plain bizarre revelation, these Redditors have shared the biggest "plot twists" in their lives. Buckle up.
#1 I Guess That's One Way to Deal With Your Problems
I'm a divorce lawyer, and there's always some insane plot twist to the worst cases I have. This one couple separated 10 years ago, but didn't officially divorce until a couple years ago. She was going to get his house, so he burnt it down then faxed her the transfer of ownership forms. He might be going to the slammer for arson, though, so joke's on him.
#2 The Harsh Truth
My mother was in a fatal car accident when I was three—but my family never told me the whole disturbing story. I found out from a newspaper article years later that it was actually all her fault. She wasn’t paying attention and crossed the yellow line and ended both her life and that of the person in the other car.
#3 Drop the Base
I was at a wedding once where, no word of a lie, the bride’s aunt died on the dance floor while dancing. She fell down, and the DJ stopped the music until EMS arrived. They took her away, and when the music resumed, the DJ selected Bryan Adams’ “Heaven” as the next song. I still remember the looks people were giving him.
#4 Too Close a Call
When I was 15, my parents were going through a divorce. My mom worked night shifts and my dad was living with a friend of his. One night my sister, who was 19, at the time came home pretty drunk from a party. She was acting goofy and fell on the couch next to me. She started grabbing my leg and laughing and we started fondling. That's when I made the biggest mistake of my life.
We ended up hooking up right there. When we woke up the next day, she had no recollection of the night before, so I just kept my mouth shut. Fast forward to when I’m 18. Sister is home from college and dad is over for a visit. They get into an argument and in a fit of rage my dad announces how he has never forgiven her for "killing his grandchild" when she got an abortion at 19.
The baby she aborted was in fact mine...and as far as I know, I am the only one who knows since she has never mentioned that night.
#5 Obsessive Father
One summer, when I was about 13, a friend of mine had a girl from her school who invited us over to go swimming in her pool. We go to her place and are shown to her room to change. As I'm changing my friend suddenly whispers "What the heck?" I turn around and see a bunch of used sanitary pads lined up on this girls desk. But then it got even weirder.
She comes to join us in her room and my friend flat out asks her what the pads are all about. She says, very plainly, "They're for my dad so he can check that I'm not pregnant."
#6 Ask for a Doctor’s Note Next Time
I was with this girl for just shy of two years. Holidays, festivals, discussions of marriage the lot. Claimed she lived at home with her mum, who had terminal cancer, and as a result, her mum didn't want to bring anyone new into her life, as the pain of knowing she would soon leave them was too much. Therefore, we spent all our time at mine, and I never met her family or mom.
I received a message from a guy one night asking how I knew her. I explained the whole story. What he told me made my blood run cold. Turns out her mom was fine, and she had been engaged to this guy and living with him the entire time...they were due to get married in two weeks. It still blows my mind that she managed to play us both so well the entire time.
#7 Homework for Dinner
Woman I used to babysit for worked in a school as an assistant or something in Toronto, she always told this bizarre story about how the class rabbit would go home with a new kid each weekend. They kept trying to avoid giving one kid the bunny for the weekend because it was clear his home life wasn't the best. But they finally caved and let him take the rabbit home.
The parents killed the rabbit and ate it. They knocked off the class bunny and fried it up for dinner. They weren't even ashamed when they told the teacher what happened on Monday. Said they were out of groceries or something.
#8 Eerie Phone Call
My uncle works for dispatch in my town and he recently told my family of the weirdest call he's ever gotten. He says that he had received a call from a landline one night and when he answered it there was only static on the other end. This happened two more times. Finally, he calls a squad to go check out the address from the caller ID.
When the authorities got there and walked into the house they immediately saw that there was a dead body. The person had been dead for five months. The craziest part about it was that there was no electricity or any other utility working. So there is no way they should have been able to get those calls into dispatch. But if they hadn't, who knows how long that person’s body would have stayed there.
#9 The Magic Is Gone
I was working in the kitchen at Cinderella's castle in Disneyland when this family of four came in for their dinner. About halfway through the dinner, the husband politely stands up and taps his glass for attention. His speech made my blood run cold. He announced that his wife of 15 years has been cheating on him for over a year. The entire place stood still in shock. He motioned for his kids, paid the waitress, and left the wife crying at the table.
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#10 Worth Making the Distance to Keep the Distance
My girlfriend traveled five hours by train to see me...only to get my house and say that she doesn't love me and that she wants to break up. She leaves, I cry for about 15 minutes then call my best friend and ask if he can come over with some beers so I'm not home alone all weekend. I hear her in the background asking him something.
Yup, she traveled five hours to break up with me so she could screw my best friend without feeling guilty about it. I no longer talk to him.
#11 The Bad Doctor
Years ago, I heard rumors that a relative through marriage had lost their license to practice medicine because of some accusations of misconduct. At the time, all I heard were whispers of something amiss but didn't know much about it. Decades later, a friend who became a doctor was able to look up the case since I had mentioned it offhand—I said I heard scant rumors.
It turns out it wasn't just some rumor, it was a full-out, massive scandal. There was severe misconduct of patients, many of whom testified at trial about how he misused his position, including wanting naughty favors in exchange for medication. He vehemently denied the accusations, but his character witness was severely flawed and there were way too many accusations for it to have been a conspiracy.
The details were far beyond what I was expecting. It happened years ago, and he's been barred from practicing, but I still don't even know if I can hide my disgust next time I see him. I don't want to bring up skeletons in the closet to disrupt the familial peace, but I'm actually really angry that none of my family members were honest to me about the situation.
#12 Kids Know More Than They Let on
My mom told me this story the other day and it freaked me out. When my oldest sister was little, like 3 years old, she asked my then-pregnant aunt to pick her up to hold her. My mom said she was like "She can't pick you up, honey, she has a baby in her tummy." And then my little sister was like "That baby is dead!" My mom freaked out.
Still, my aunt and grandma were fine and were telling my mom it was all good, she was just a toddler and didn't know what she was saying. They were so, so wrong. Well, lo and behold my aunt goes to the doctor the next day for a routine pregnancy checkup, and the baby was dead. Give me the willies just thinking about it.
#13 Home Away From Home
Two and a half years ago, I was in dire financial straits. I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat. But I neglected to tell the owners about one key thing. They have an 800 square foot bunker on the property that I built about seven years ago. The bunker that I've called home since I sold it. The entrance to it is well-hidden, but I still come and go very early/very late in the day.
I'm a single man who keeps to himself. I'm now in a situation where I could move somewhere else, but I love this hidden paradise so much.
#14 Way to Leave Us Hanging
A long time ago, back when I was still in middle school my mom's best friend passed on. She wouldn't tell me how it happened. Only that it was sudden. When I asked why we weren't going to the funeral she told me that there wouldn't be one because "her body was being donated to science." I didn't ask any more questions. That was the last time we ever talked about her.
Well, five months ago my mom handed me her phone to find the number for Domino's and as I'm scrolling through her contacts I come across the phone number of the dead best friend. Biggest WTF moment of my life. The next day I called it from a pay phone at Waffle House and she picked up. I instantly recognized the voice and accent.
She's not dead. Turns out, my mom had been lying all these years about her BEST FRIEND BEING DEAD. It was beyond messed up.
#15 Pregnant Disaster
I was pregnant with my oldest daughter and had extreme pain one day, so I came home early from work. When I get home I see two purses that I knew weren't mine sitting on the stand. I head to my room to see if my then-boyfriend could explain the purses; I'm hearing noises coming from our room. I opened the door to peek in and he is having a threesome. I close the door and just go back into the living room.
I was shocked. I was supposed to be on bed rest, but I was the only one who had a job, so I was going to school and working while he got to stay home all day. I was livid, but what was scary is that I was so furious that I remained calm. I went into the living room, sat on the couch and waited for them to come out; when they finally did I asked them if they had fun?
I told them they needed to get out of my apartment. He tried to talk to me, but I told him he needed to get out. I calmly packed off of his stuff up, had a friend come over because I couldn't do heavy lifting being 7 months pregnant and dropped his stuff off at his parents' house that night. It's still shocking to me that I remained so calm being that angry.
#16 Big Pharma
I was promoted to VP of my company. The company was in trouble, and the CEO had asked me to figure out why and fix it. I arranged for a random drug test. All employees, the CEO, me, everyone. All on the same day, and everyone went down at the same time. Even said I would ignore weed, but anyone with anything stronger would be gone. We get the results back and I fired everyone who had tested positive for any drug other than weed. The CEO and myself were the only two people left working for the company.
#17 Change of Heart
Amazingly, once at a wedding I saw the groom actually object. He just stood up there and started crying, then announced in front of everyone that he had fallen out of love with the bride a while before but didn't know how to break it off. It was extremely uncomfortable, and they both stepped out. Suddenly, they came back in and got married—and months later, we found out the awful truth.
It was because she'd apparently told him she was pregnant right then and there. They're still together, with three kids now. I'm not sure about the husband, but I can confirm that the wife is having an affair. Neither of them are happy, but she has a comfortable life and he doesn't have the spine to leave. Just really, really sad.
#18 Can’t Put a Price on Education
On September 14th, 1986, my dad dropped me off at boarding school and gave me a five-dollar bill. I never heard from him again. He never paid my tuition bill. So, from the age of 14, I took every job I could get and worked my way through. At $4 an hour, I didn't even come close to paying off my entire bill, but the school let me stick around because I was a model student in and out of the classroom.
We get to graduation. I opened my little diploma thing expecting to see a bill in five figures. Instead there was a note: “Congratulations on your graduation. A group of us who believe in you and love you have taken care of your bill. We are proud to present you with your diploma.” I later found out that one of my friend's dad, a fairly well-off dentist, went fundraising among his golf buddies because he didn’t want to see me enter life at 18 under crushing debt.
#19 Sweet Revenge
Wife cheats on her husband during his frequent travels for work. She files for divorce and gets to keep the house. Months elapsed and the husband is still rightfully ticked off about the unfairness of it all, but has no recourse. Then he has an epiphany: "I wonder if she changed the password to the Nest Thermostat?" She did not.
For the next year he continues to mess with the thermostat. In the middle of summer when they're sleeping in HIS bed, he turns the heat on to 90 degrees at 3 a.m. Middle of winter? Time to shut off the heat and hope the pipes freeze. Away on vacation? Turn the air conditioning down to 55 and let it run 24/7 for a nice surprise bill when they get home.
#20 It’s That Time of the Month (for a Divorce)
Had a soldier stationed at Guantanamo Bay who met a local. Fell madly in love. They decided to get married so she could come with him back in the States once his tour was done. She was working on American dishes and was making spaghetti. He comes home from work one day, and she's making it. She puts the meat in, puts the canned sauce in, and then pulls an unlabeled bag out of the freezer and adds it to the sauce.
After she did this, their marriage was over. At this point in the session, she's crying with broken Spanglish. She's trying to explain she didn't know any better. Through the hysteria he informs me her mother and grandmother told her if she wanted to keep her man, she needed to put her menstrual blood in his food. It was so hard to keep my composure. I was trying to hard not to gag.
They both described they were madly in love, but he couldn't let it go. They ended up getting a divorce. Having done this for 14 years, I have found it 100% accurate that truth is stranger than fiction.
#21 He’s Got It All in the Bag
My husband has been an officer for over 20 years. One night, he was patrolling the downtown area when he noticed a purse that someone had left behind. He opened the bag to check for an ID and instead, he found a poop. That’s right, some lady had taken a huge dump in her own handbag and then left it behind.
He'll talk freely about crazy stuff like autopsies and burnt bodies—but this particular story, he definitely wishes he could forget…
#22 A Wheel-y Good Defense
A friend's sister went to court over a moving violation. She's an engine tuner and had built herself a beautiful first gen Mitsubishi Eclipse with 6-700 horsepower at the wheels. This car, inevitably, attracted the attention of local law enforcement, who pulled her over with no fewer than eight cruisers after some slightly aggressive acceleration around a left turn.
During cross-examination, she asked the officer who'd made the call why exactly she had been pulled over. "I heard the engine revving, and I saw you spinning the tires and sliding around the corner." "To be clear, officer, which tires were spinning?" "The rear tires." "So I was spinning the rear tires, and it was the back end that swung out?" "Yes ma'am, that's correct."
"And you're sure that's what you saw?" "Clear as day, ma'am. The light turned green, you stepped on the gas, and the rear tires broke loose under power." "The rear tires broke loose under power? There's no doubt in your mind that that's exactly what happened?" "None at all." Then, there was silence in the court before her huge reveal.
"Your honor, this officer is either lying or hallucinating. My car is front wheel drive."
#23 Race to the Finish
I have a story related to a divorce case. I once worked on bank equipment, and my favorite was opening safety deposit boxes for the bank. So one day, I was asked to get there before the bank opened, which was really odd. I show up and greet the bank employee—along with a lawyer and a very angry looking woman.
She is really impatient to get into the safety deposit box. I get the lock open and swing the door out, and she's screaming, "let me in there!," So I stepped outside and let her rush by. A few moment later, I hear a string of loud curse words: it was empty. Then she busts out and storms off, but while she passed she threw down a single piece of paper that had been in the vault.
It basically said, "Screw you, witch." It had been a nasty divorce, and the-ex husband got there before she did.
#24 Brothers Never Known
I always knew that my parents had some kind of "family secret." Various mutterings amended streams of conscious, etc. in my childhood. From the sound of it, I was under the impression that I had an older sibling. I am the oldest sibling of four, so I was fixated on the few little details, but as I grew older, I assumed it was a very morbid kind of imaginary friend delusion I had.
When I was in high school, I was talking to my mother when she slipped, saying something about her early relationship with my dad. I pushed her on it and found out that she had stayed with my dad after they had a child at age 15. She went on to tell me that I’d had not one, but three older siblings, and that were lost in some kind of accident.
My mom broke down. I didn't push for details and never have. That day, I went from being the oldest of four to the middle of seven. Probably my frame of reference for the concept of "trauma." Every obsession, every worry, and character flaw of my teenage self at that time burned into my character like scars.
#25 Something Doesn’t Match in This Match…
My brother dumped his fiancée a month before the wedding because when she gave birth. The baby that was born was black, and neither he nor his fiancée is. Unsurprisingly, a paternity test proved it wasn't his, and thus child support was denied.
#26 Like Something out of a Movie
My aunt died in the hospital several years ago. She was clinically dead for a few minutes. But that's only the beginning of the story. In that time, she says she floated above the operating table and saw them trying to revive her. She says she felt a pull on her and flew out through the very top of the room. She remembered very clearly floating above the light fixture on the ceiling and then there being darkness.
Suddenly she found herself floating above the ground several inches just above a field of dirt. In front of her was a very large chasm, deep, very dark, she couldn't see the bottom of it from where she was. On the other side of the chasm was a beautiful field. Green grass, flowers, trees and sunlight. On her side of the chasm it was overcast and very little light, no vegetation, just brown dirt.
She felt the same force that pulled her out through the ceiling of the hospital start pulling her across the chasm. As she started floating over the chasm these hands reached out of the blackness and started pulling at her, almost like ripping the flesh from her legs and feet. She says it was the worst feeling of pain and cold she had ever experienced and it horrified her.
After what seemed like forever she reached the other side of the chasm and the hands went away. The feeling of pain and terror was replaced with a feeling of happiness and contentment and warmth. Several family members that had been dead for some time were there and they seemed to be beckoning her over. She was going to the field when she heard the doctor say something. It sounded like it echoed very loudly from the other side of the chasm.
Suddenly that force pulled her across the chasm again only this time much faster than she had been pulled over the first time. Again the hands came and again the cold. The hands ripped at her and she felt the pain she had felt before. Finally she came to the dirt side of the chasm again. Then blackness. Then she was on the ceiling of her room in the hospital again and she saw her body spasm and her arm smacked the doctor's arm, breaking his watch.
Her spirit was pulled back into her body again and she heard him say something like "She's back" and then blackness again. Several hours later she woke up and she was ANGRY, at first. Then she realized she was alive and she thanked the doctor and apologized for breaking his watch. He was surprised because when she did that she was technically dead.
#27 More Than He Bargained for
Private investigator here. One woman I was hired to investigate was married to a guy who made a decent living. He wasn't mega-rich, but he likely made around $250K a year. He started to suspect his wife was cheating on him, so we tailed her for the weekend. It was only one weekend, but we quickly discovered that she was selling herself on Craigslist and Backpage.
We caught over 13 men coming in and out of her motel room that weekend and found her ads online.
#28 Too Much off the Top
Went to an open house in my town. The realtor told us that the couple was getting a divorce. The man had left his wife. She was a bit strange. So, we make our way up to the master bedroom and the only piece of "decor" was a long glass display case like you might use to showcase a model ship or car. It was about two feet long. Inside was something that looked like a ticker-tape rolled up at one end and pulled across the length of the case.
It was a life monitor readout that slowly flat-lined to the end. Across the bottom of the case was displayed a ponytail...with a good-sized section of the scalp still attached to it. Totally morbid. We got the heck out of there. Found out later that the daughter of the couple had been killed by a drunk driver. The wife went a little batty and drove her husband away.
#29 Too Young to Run
The second time I got catfished was the last time I tried to meet a girl online. I was a junior in college and had been talking to this girl a few states away for weeks online. She claimed to be 19 (I was 20) and she was a cute redhead in the pics she sent me, so I chatted her up regularly even though she lived far away.
At some point, she surprises me with her plan to take a bus out to my university and spend the weekend hanging out and partying with me. When I picked her up at the bus stop I barely recognized her. She sort of looked like the cute redhead I had pictures of, but waaaaaay younger, like she could be the daughter of the girl I had been talking to online.
I played it cool, trying to be a gentleman, but quickly decided that spending the weekend partying with what appears to be a 14-to-16-year-old would be a bad idea. I told her that there were no good parties on the docket and took her home to my parents’ house where I figured we could lay low until Sunday when I could shuffle her back onto a bus and be rid of her.
Well, late the next evening while we were sitting on the living room floor watching a movie with my parents, the phone rings. I answered the phone to hear a crying woman pleading to know where her daughter was and if she is ok. That's when it hit me...I was somehow harboring a freakin' teenage runaway. Not a good look.
I got the girl on the phone with her mom and started grabbing all of her stuff and putting in my car. Apparently, her mom had found my phone number on their phone bill and traveled to my school looking for her daughter. I promised to meet her on campus with her daughter ASAP. Well, we didn't even make it out of the driveway before the authorities showed up.
The cop looked at me, then pointed to the girl and said, "Is that her?", and I replied, "Yeah, take her home man" and that was it. Luckily for me, I think this girl may have had a history of running away from home because they didn't ask me a single question or anything, they thankfully just took the girl and left.
Then my mom came out into the driveway asking why the authorities were there...I had some 'splainin' to do. And then, when I returned to school, all of my roommates and neighbors told me that the authorities had been scouring the campus for me and an underage runaway. I spent the next couple weeks explaining to everyone I knew how I got hoodwinked by an internet girl and that they had the story wrong.
#30 Doesn’t This Guy Have Anything Better to Do?
Story from my parents who are lawyers. So throughout the divorce proceedings, there was a car that was a huge point of contention between the husband and wife. After months and months of saying he would never let the wife have the car, the husband concedes in exchange for something great, like one of their summer houses.
It turns out he had been driving the car for three hours everyday in a big loop around the city, putting thousands and thousands of miles on it basically making it worthless. The amount of planning and spite that went into that was amazing.
#31 Irresponsible Faculty Meeting
One of my favorite moments: I walk into the school office to check my mailbox. A parent of one of my students sees me and says very loudly, almost screaming, "Oh, FINALLY!!!! LOOK, EVERYONE, I FOUND A TEACHER!!! Do you realize that I left work EARLY to come here after school to talk to my son's teachers about his report card, and you are LITERALLY the ONLY teacher I have found?!!! I went from classroom to classroom and everyone is GONE!!! Do you know what time it is?!! It's 3:45 pm! School ended FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO!!! FIFTEEN MINUTES!!!! And you're the ONLY teacher STILL HERE!!!! CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHY EVERYONE IS GONE?! CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHY EVERY TEACHER HAS LEFT THE BUILDING WHEN SCHOOL JUST GOT OUT?!!!!"
I paused, waiting to see if there was more. When I realized he had finished, I said, "All the teachers are in the library. We're having a faculty meeting." The look on his face was priceless. He knew he was in the wrong, but by that point, he had committed so fiercely to his anger and righteousness that he couldn't just apologize. So he said, "Well that's just irresponsible." And he walked out of the office.
#32 That’s Just Freaky
I'm paramedic/volunteer fireman. We covered a town in the middle of nowhere. Get a call from "Woodchuck City" as we call it, which is a trailer park with all of the chaos you'd associate with a bad scene. Call was FNRP (Found Non-Responsive, with/weak Pulse), so we rushed out there. These are usually overdoses or strokes, so time was important.
I get there and when I come in there's four or five adults, all wearing their church clothes (black pants, white shirt, women in blue or grey gowns) which threw me off because it was about two in the morning on a weekday (their Sabbath is Saturday, I think). I kneel down next to her and feel her wrist. Cold as ice. This is where things start to get weird.
My guess is they're wearing their clothes because they knew she was dead, and the minister was on the way for last rites or something. Paramedic with me asks if we should defib, I shake my head and try to verify there aren't any vitals. Nothing. Their dog starts growling at me, and I'm thinking he doesn't like me touching her.
I ask them to get rid of the dog and he starts howling. Then the dog just stops. At the very moment the dog stops, a light blows out, and the "dead" person sits up, says "Make sure [victim's sister] gets the heck out of her place" and slowly lays down. My partner and I are freaked out, as I was CERTAIN that woman was dead, but nobody else is.
Partner starts going through, checking, to see if I screwed up. Nope, still dead, skin is getting a little change. We call in the coroner, who has to come out from the other part of the county, nearly 40 minutes away. Sheriff radios in and says they'll be a few minutes, as a tree has fallen on a cabin a few miles away.
Later find out they had called the sister and she hadn't taken two steps out of her place when a tree had fallen on her cabin, totally destroying the bedroom in which she slept. I don't know if it fell directly on the bed, but, at that point, I didn't want to know any more about anything that happened that night. It certainly wasn't normal what I saw.
#33 Whoops, My Bad
My dad divorced his first wife and promptly took his name off of all the credit cards. She proceeded to buy all kinds of stuff, thinking she'd stick him with the bill. She was not happy to hear she was the only one on the account.
#34 Misleading Photos
I met a guy online, and in all of his pictures, he had a tight-lipped smile. When we met in real life, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He had not one whole tooth. What teeth he had were yellow stumps. He also did not have all of his fingers. It was a rather traumatic experience because I was caught off guard and didn’t know how to respond.
If he had been upfront about it, I would have felt way less awkward. I am not in a hurry to get back online.
#35 Keeping Your Mouth Shut
My boyfriend's parents just lost their house. I told my mom what he had told me and she didn't think the story lined up, so she went all Sherlock Holmes and started looking up his parent's names in our county's public records. She got more than she bargained for because she found a locked file labeled "ADOPTION" with my boyfriend and one of his brother's names listed on it.
None of his other three siblings were on there—they are all way younger. He's never mentioned being adopted though, and is well past the age where you would tell a kid something like that—he's in his mid-20s. His family has already had a really bad few months and I don't want to cause any more drama by asking about it.
He has the same last name as his "dad.” He was in the military and claims his "dad" is on his original birth certificate so, I'm really confused. I don't think his parents were married yet when he and his brother were born because his dad was still in the military and away from home a lot. The papers weren't even filed until he was almost 10 years old.
But a biological father wouldn't have to adopt his own kids, even if they weren't married yet, right? I regret knowing because now I'm insanely curious and I can't say anything because this has that feel of “your darkest family secret” to it and I don't want to start anything.
#36 A Flesh Wound
Heard this from an emergency doctor friend of mine a while ago. Female patient comes in complaining of severe abdominal pain, nurses take vitals, ask questions, etc. Eventually, my friend sees her and, after a few questions, he has her lift her shirt. What he saw almost made him throw up. Turns out, the "severe abdominal pain" on the chart was in fact due to a gash so severe that part of her intestines were sticking out of her.
No one had noticed and she hadn't thought to mention that her organs had started leaking out. In fact, she seemed just as surprised as he was.
#37 Classic Soap Opera Trope
This private investigator came to court with a pile of evidence that this woman who was "wheelchair-bound" and collecting injury insurance was actually fine. The guy had tons of photos of her running around doing errands, no problem. He shows all his stuff in court…and then the defense calls the person’s TWIN SISTER who moved in to help her after her accident.
That was, in fact, the person the P.I. had been stalking. Every soap opera needs a twin mix-up!
#38 Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
I was in an accident a few years ago. The guy who hit me got a ticket for an unsafe left turn, and I got a ticket because I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. In the section on the ticket, the cop inadvertently wrote “Did wear seatbelt while operating the motor vehicle” instead of “did not.” When I got to court, the judge asked how I wanted to plead.
I asked the judge if I could clarify something first, and he said "Sure." I stated that "The ticket says I did wear my seatbelt while operating my motor vehicle. If that's the case, I want to plead guilty." The judge looks down at the ticket, looks back at me, and says "Case dismissed! Have a good day!"
#39 I’m Taking All of You With Me
When I was in Korea, my wife at the time told me over Skype that we'd drifted apart and she wanted to separate. So, she takes the powers of attorney I had given her, packs up everything out of the house that she wants, regardless of who it belongs to, uses my bank account to pay for the U-Haul and all the moving expenses, sells the house, has one dog put to sleep, takes the other to the SPCA, and disappears.
Eventually, all her lies unraveled. I learn that she'd been planning to leave ever since I came down on orders. Oh, and she was a textbook psychopath and a compulsive liar. By the way, she actually never had (and beat) cancer before I met her. For SEVEN YEARS I kept asking her to see the doctor and make sure she's still cancer-free. I've seen people I love die from cancer and it's horrible.
FOR SEVEN YEARS she'd lied to me about having had cancer and watched while I worried myself sick about it coming back. So glad to be rid of that lunatic.
#40 Doggone It
I’m a lawyer who is not practicing in court, but when I was in college doing my bachelor's degree, criminal law was part of the curriculum and this included spending a couple of days observing trials. The wild, plot-twisty things you witness. Anyway, at the start of one of these trials a guy with the greasiest mullet enters the room.
Thin, tall, disproportionately sized limbs, tattoos all over; I swear the way he sat before the judge, the only thing that was missing was a beer in his hand and a chicken under his arm. Now, this guy chose not to have a lawyer represent him, as he's a regular and spends short periods of time in the slammer or doing community service pretty much every month anyway.
Real problem case; alcoholism, etc., but still he comes across as a really sympathetic dude and has a really entertaining way of telling a story while keeping a straight face and not realizing how funny he is. He knows he's getting a fine and a couple of hours of cutting weeds as community service to keep our Dutch streets nice and tidy, but still tries to win the sympathies of the judge to decrease his sentence.
This man's dog was sent to a dog shelter when they found it malnourished a couple of weeks before when they brought him in for dealing—real sad, but also the reason he's standing trial. The guy got high as a kite and drunk as an Irishman on St. Patrick's and while completely out of his mind decided to get his dog back from the shelter, because he really missed “his girl.”
The judge asks him if it's correct that he broke the lock and some of the camera equipment on site of the dog shelter and he confirms. You could really tell from his passionate account of the progression of the evening that he did all this out of pure love as his dog according to him was the only thing that pulled him through all of his rough patches with his girlfriend and his issues.
So, the judge orders camera footage to be shown to confirm that it is the suspect and he confirms. On it he is seen stumbling about and wrenching one of the dog enclosures open and hugging a German Shepherd. At this point everyone is touched by seeing this guy be so emotional on the camera footage with the dog, hugging it, petting it and playing with it and you can see the judge really get into it, as well.
Anyway, so this guy continues with his story and tells about how he took the dog to his car and went home never feeling happier in his life and ends his account with the driest delivery of "needless to say, I was surprised when I woke up the next day and there was a German Shepherd in my room instead of a Staffordshire Terrier."
Everyone just broke out in laughter. He didn't get what was funny. Turns out the dude took the wrong dog.
#41 Getting a Head Start for the Coroner
I am doing part-time freelance nursing at the moment. One of the cases I attended was a rather large house in the middle of nowhere for an elderly man. When I was let in by his caretaker, I saw the old man lying in a box, which was disguised as a bed. I was told it was because the family knew he was on his last legs and eventually he will pass on, so the box was his pre-coffin for the undertaker to take to the parlor and it’s a norm for their family to do this.
Creepy, but that wasn’t even the worst part. While I was waiting for the antibiotic drip to complete, I looked out the window and saw the backyard of the house, all the coffins of deceased family members were all above ground and you could open the window to see them in the coffins, preserved from the day they passed on.
They were only lowered into the grave once the decomposition began despite the preservatives. Apparently, it was part of their beliefs and family traditions.
#42 A Deal With the Devil
My dad's a police man. One night he gets a call from a woman who says her neighbor has made a pact with the devil. The woman calling is about 35 and a religious whacko. The neighbor who she called about is about 75 at the time. My dad went over and knocked on the door, and the old lady answers, all happy, nice place decorated the same way for the past 50 years.
She invites my dad in without even asking why he came, makes him some coffee, and asks how his day was. Naturally, at this point, my dad is wondering what the heck the call was about, but it came clear soon. At some point, my dad realizes he isn't the only person she is talking to, and that she thinks her apartment is full of people.
My dad thanks her for the coffee and she tells him to come back any time. The whole time she was talking he was writing down the names of the people she was talking to and does some research on her when he gets back. Turns out she was talking to family members, who were all dead. She had a daughter, three sons, a brother and a husband.
All dead, and she had no family and no friends. She hadn't spoken to another person in years, her groceries were delivered and she rarely left her apartment. Over the next 19 years, my dad took care of her, my sister and I came over all the time and just sat and talked with her, she even taught me how to cook.
Over the years she stabilized and stopped talking to her dead relatives, she just needed people to live with. She actually lived till she was 94 and passed on in the guest room of my parent’s house since it had become harder to take care of her from a distance as she got closer to the end. She was like a grandma to us.
#43 Caught Swiping
I was single and on Tinder. One day, I was scrolling through and made a disturbing discovery. I saw my sister's boyfriend on there. I thought, what the heck is this? And then I came up with a plan to get revenge. I made a fake profile to catfish him and talked to him for a bit—it was obviously him, and I got his number.
Showed it to my sister and she broke up with him. Mission accomplished, jerkwad.
#44 Having a Blast
My wife dragged me to a wedding that I did not want to go to—but I'm forever grateful that she did, because I was able to witness one of the greatest spectacles of human drama that has ever taken place. This was like an episode of Jerry Springer mixed with something else. The bride's secret lover objected in the middle of the ceremony: "I'll be darned if I'm gonna keep my mouth shut and let you take my woman, you sorry piece of poop!" he yelled out.
This deranged old redneck then proceeded to come at the groom with a loaded pistol, threatening to shoot him if he doesn't give her up. Every single person in attendance started screaming and running away. The authorities were called. I grabbed my wife's hand and we retreated outside to watch the rest of the scene unfold from the church window.
#45 Snooper’s Regret
Recently, my mom used my husband's phone to make a call—to the man she was having an affair with. The phone had auto record on. And that was how I found out she'd been in that relationship for 17 years, and tried to have kids with him as well. My dad found out about it years ago and almost ended the marriage as a result. But he doesn't know the worst part.
She continued the relationship up until last year, and only recently broke it off because the loser CHEATED on her with someone else. She's also a raging narcissist.
#46 Sold out of Love
My wife was pilfering money from the marriage to the tune of about $1,000 per month. It had gone on for a few years before I figured it out. (I thought she was saving the money, she was really stashing it in her dad's accounts.) Not satisfied to simply stash away her own salary, she began to buy stuff on the joint charge card, then sell it on eBay. I was paying the card.
I started the divorce without telling her. During this time, I took my name off the joint card without telling her and began using my own credit card. When the bills came in for that month, I informed her that I would not pay the credit card bills anymore, that she had her own job and her own money and she could pay her own bills. There was the expected ruckus about that, but I stuck to my guns.
A week or so later, she had a screaming foot-stomping tantrum about how it wasn't worth her time to work her eBay business. You know, because she now had to actually buy her own inventory instead of just selling stuff I bought. Yeah, I cracked a smile. The story ends thusly: I later traded the money—and my silence about the felonies she committed while transferring the money—for shared custody, zero payments to her, and zero claims on real estate, etc.
She walked away with less than she'd have gotten if she was honest. I even got the house. Our divorce was final four months ago.
#47 A Boneheaded Play
I sat in on a personal injury case where the plaintiff broke their leg in an accident and had a doctor on the stand as an expert. The woman's lawyer begins questioning the doctor about his experience with leg injuries (he was a well known orthopedic surgeon in the area). She asks if he’s ever treated a tibula fracture. He simply answers "no."
So, she starts grilling him with questions about the tibula. After about six or seven questions, she asks "how did you get a medical license if you've never treated a tibula fracture?" She launches into a huge rant trying to discredit his credentials, to which he simply responds "there is no bone called the tibula."
The lawyer became beet red and everyone in the room tried their best to keep from laughing, including the judge.
#48 Tragic Ending
My neighbor brainwashed her kids to think their father had done horrible things them when the marriage started going south. So every-time he came to get his kids, they would make it hard, like running around the car. Well, one day I came home early from college and found out that the son shot his dad in his car. Ten years old, did this to his dad.
They found out that mom was supplying the son with Prozac and she was brainwashing him. They still live next door, and the kid got out at 21, I think.
#49 What Goes up Must Come Down
I was doing security at a hospital with an ER, ICU, surgical, the whole works and I got called to several strange calls. Most were psych cases or paranoid people that heard a strange noise...This time more than one nurse saw a guy on the camera who was on his deathbed, a guy who kept saying "I will not die in a hospital" earlier that day, literally push his curtain aside and walk out of his room toward the elevator.
A code was called and everyone immediately posted at their designated locations. Within seconds there were people watching the elevators and stairs and security started combing the area and investigating. As I reached the ICU floor I spoke with the Lead Nurse and she told me several of the nurses saw him leave. At that moment monitors started going off: the guy never left.
The guy went code blue and passed on right then. There were 3 witnesses on the report that say he got up and left and were serious enough to call a code which could cost them their jobs if they were wrong. The bosses wouldn't let us watch the video but the looks on their faces said it all. The bosses said the nurses did the right thing and some things just can't be explained.
The portion of the video I was allowed to see did show that nobody had left via elevator or stairs.
#50 Let It Go, Dude
My ex-husband went off the deep end when I left him three years ago, despite the fact that he was cheating on ME every step of the way. Anyway, I moved 1,000 miles away and began to restart my life. One day, about a month after leaving him, I checked my mail and saw that I had a huge, heavy envelope in the box. When I opened it, I was horrified.
It was photos of me doing allllll the activities of my daily life, but the photos were clearly taken from afar, and without my knowledge. Immediately, I contacted my attorney. It turns out, my ex was hoping to catch me with someone else, because he wanted to try to sue me for abandonment. It was awful, and it took me a long time to feel safe and secure in my new home.
#51 Allergic to Everything
Registered nurse here. I see some crazy stuff, but one thing that stands out was the time I was admitting a guy to the hospital. I can't really remember what for but he was diabetic, had heart disease, and was generally unhealthy. Anyhow, I'm at the computer going over some admission questions with him and his 10 family members who are crowded in the room with him.
A few minutes in, he starts complaining that he's thirsty. He needs something to drink right now. So I get on my phone and call the nurse assistant, and ask her to bring in some ice water. As soon as the words are out of my mouth the whole family screams: "NOOOO! NO WATER! HES ALLERGIC TO WATER!" Well, this is going to be a problem.
Turns out the guy had been drinking nothing but Sprite and sweet tea for years, because of his "water allergy." The next question his wife had was “Where are we all supposed to sleep?" The whole family, 10 people, were planning to stay at the hospital with him. You can't make this stuff up.
When the pastor got to the part “or forever hold your peace" at a wedding I was at, the bride suddenly said, “Yes, I’d like to say something.” Then she dropped her disturbing discovery. She turned around to her guests and said, “I’d like to thank my maid of honor for sleeping with my fiancé last night.” With that, she threw her bouquet down and stormed off.
#53 Not Your Average Loophole
My uncle represented this guy getting a divorce from his wife of 15 years. Super toxic breakup and they split everything 50/50, even the land that the house they lived in sat upon. Well she decides to build a house right behind the other house, mind you this was a lot of land probably 200 yards separating both home sites, so that the back of the houses faced each other.
The house gets built and my uncle gets a call from his client asking about the situation he had gotten himself into. Apparently his ex wife would spend a lot of time in her backyard, so he saw her all the time. What he did was buy a female dog and name it the same name as his ex-wife. I think you can guess where this is going.
Anytime he would let his dog back in from letting her out he would yell "Susan you [female dog]! Get in here!" He would also yell if she was peeing on the flowers,"Susan! Quit pissing on the flowers!" or "Susan! Quit digging in the dirt!" The ex-wife called the authorities on him a couple of times, but there was nothing they could do because the dog was registered under the name of Susan, and it was in fact a female dog, so there you go.
#54 Passion for Fashion
Law student sharing a former professor’s story: Defendant busted for possession, the substances were in the pocket of his leather jacket. He argues the search was illegal because with his buttery smooth leather jacket, there's no way the officer would have felt the drugs in his pocket during a pat down, so he shouldn't have reached in the pocket to find the drugs in the first place.
Judge asks if the jacket is the one he was currently wearing in court; it was. Judge asks to feel this jacket and the pockets. Defendant hands it to the bailiff. Judge finds more drugs in the pocket. Needless to say, it didn't go well for him.
I work as an ER nurse and had a patient with a little dizziness, a little nausea and a swollen abdomen. She was fairly bright, able to talk, and nothing seemed too horrific. But she was turning a grim gray color and breathing quickly. Our average wait time today was two hours. I could have put her back in the queue and moved on.
But I had a little dark feeling that there was something sinister happening here. So I called our most senior doctor out of a consultation and asked him to see her. Right now. Ever heard of your abdominal aorta? Enormous blood vessel that can pouch out, suddenly rupture, and make you bleed internally and expire in minutes?
It’s called a burst AAA (abdominal aortic aneurysm). You’ve heard of it now. That’s what she had. I’ve never seen one before. But now I have. Within five minutes, she was barely responding. Within ten, her blood pressure had dropped to a barely sustainable level. Within twenty minutes, I was pouring blood into her and eight people were around the bed.
Within an hour, she was on an operating table clinging to life. But because I raised the alarm, and because my team worked their butts off, that woman is still, somehow, alive. Feels good, man.
#56 Bedtime Story
When I was 13 years old, I caught my father in bed with my 15-year-old brother's girlfriend, who was also 15. I haven't seen her since, but I've been blackmailing my father with this info for the past six years.
#57 Don’t Stop Believing
My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection. Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Angry he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree.
More that that, it was twisted in the wrong direction! Even more angry, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up. Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket.
So he was shocked when my dad turned up in court, calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.
#58 I’m Sorry, What?
I’m a former paramedic, responded to a report of a man down on the side of the railroad tracks in a wooded area approx. 500 yards from the nearest access road. A railroad employee riding the tracks doing a safety check of the tracks noticed the man down the embankment of the tracks. So we all get called into the scene.
We all parked and walked with all the equipment the 500 or so yards to where the patient was. He had no signs of life, flat line on the EKG, along with fixed and dilated pupils. Do a little more checking and he has no visible signs of any type of trauma, the body is not cold yet and there isn't rigor mortis yet so he hasn't been dead too long.
We don't see any track marks where he would have shot up and overdosed and feel no broken bones. The guy with the railroad said a train hadn't passed in the last 8 hours. We search the area and find a makeshift tent/campsite where the guy apparently was living and find no medications or anything out the ordinary.
We are not too far from an area that everyone believes is haunted and is a site for satanic worship. Even though all of us on the scene knew about the rumors none of us had actually seen it or had proof. It's dark and we were all waiting around for the funeral home to show up and bring the body to the morgue for an autopsy.
Then the weird/spooky stuff started. A few of us heard what sounded like people whispering but it wasn't from any specific direction, a couple of the guys didn't hear it and thought we were trying to mess with them. Then the whispering noises stopped and the people on scene that hadn't heard the whispering started hearing what they all described as children laughing wickedly, but it was all over, not from any specific direction.
Those of us that had heard the whispering never heard the new noise. This went on for about 10-15 minutes while we're standing next to the corpse. Police officers on the scene told their dispatcher to tell the funeral home to step it up and get out there ASAP. We helped them load the body—more like throw it in the darn stretcher.
We didn't even bother strapping it down and got the heck outta there. We didn't take time to strap him down because he was already dead—it ain't gonna make him more dead if he fell off. The next afternoon, we went to the morgue to speak with the coroner and find out the cause of the demise The first thing the coroner asked us was why did we clean the body?
Me and my partner looked at him kinda strange and asked what he was talking about. He said it must have been a very bloody scene, so we told him there was no blood anywhere around the scene. He turned pale and said that just added to the confusion, because the body had absolutely no blood in it whatsoever. But it got worse.
There were no marks anywhere on him where blood could have been drained out. He also said he had a weird experience while doing the autopsy but refused to tell us what happened. To this day we have still never learned the actual cause, or been able to explain the whispering and evil laughing. Yeah, one of those calls I'll never forget!
#59 Caught Red-Handed
My then-boyfriend had let me use his iPad to watch a movie on Netflix. He had his messenger account linked to both his tablet and his phone, and messages kept popping up on it while I was watching without him realizing I could see. I got to watch in real time as he got his best friend's wife to agree to sleep with him over the coming holiday weekend; with the promise that he'd get rid of me for that weekend so they could get intimate in our bed.
#60 The Long and Winding Road
When I was a Teaching Assistant, my professor once told me (after a few too many glasses of wine) that when she was 16 years old and still learning to drive, she once accidentally hit and killed a homeless man. The local authorities showed up at the scene and she confessed to them that she had hit him. Their response was absolutely horrific.
After some internal discussion of the situation, the authorities told her to just go home and never speak of it again. They said that the man was “probably just some homeless drunk who wandered into the road and won’t be missed by anyone.” She's been having nightmares about that day for many years ever since.
#61 Bad Suggestions
My twin brother passed on in a car wreck and my family suggested that I should date his girlfriend because...grief, I guess? REAL FREAKIN' AWKWARD, MOM.
#62 CSI: Cheating Scene Investigation
My story is like something out of Black Mirror. Girlfriend of six years went out of town with a couple of her girlfriends for a weekend. I decided to check her Facebook profile to see if she posted any new pics or whatever and noticed that this one guy liked almost every status she posted. He never commented. I was just curious about who he was because she never mentioned him.
His profile was mostly private, but he had a couple pictures and statuses that I could view. Just figured it was a classmate or something (she's in law school) until I scrolled upon a picture that stood out: It was a pic of his parked car that a hit and run driver smacked into overnight while street parked. I almost kept scrolling when something hit me.
The background of picture gave me a weird feeling. His car was parked on the street that I recognized because of the brick roads that we have downtown. Upon closer inspection, the reason I recognized it was because it was right outside my girlfriend's house. When she got back I talked to her about it and confronted her.
Of course, she at first came up with a story about how some friends from school crashed at her place because she lives near downtown and they couldn't drive. I'm not an idiot though because I know she'd tell me if somebody hit her friend's car outside her house. Eventually she broke down and confessed she'd been cheating for a year. It turned my life inside out.
We had plans to move in a week after I found out and I was going to propose on our anniversary a few weeks after that.
#63 Who Are You Gonna Believe, Me or Your Own Eyes?
Go to the gym, no headphones! That’s cool, house is five minutes away. Pull up in front of my house and see work buddie’s car out front. Walk in house through open garage. Son coloring at kitchen table. Ask him “Hey bud, where’s your mom?” He points at the stairs. Walk to stairs to hear moans and movement. Up to this point I had suspected the worst but never had proof.
Knew I had to go look and catch her or she would say I was overreacting and tell me it wasn’t what I thought. Walk upstairs and hear them in the spare bedroom. Walk in the room and say “well this is awkward.” They freak out and try to grab clothes and tell me nothing is happening. I walk out to my car and have ex-buddy chase me out and tell me to hit him.
I go to my command the next day. Report him and have the command force him to call his wife that day and let her know. I am now divorced and much happier!
#64 Hereditary IRL
My friend’s family has a shrine for her grandma. When I first saw, I was like “Oh, she probably passed, and this is a way to commemorate her,” since we also have a little “shrine” for my grandma. I was on Facetime with her later on that night when I got home and asked about it. And it turns out that her grandma is VERY much alive and healthy.
She explained that she thinks her family is a cult with her grandma as the leader, and I don’t know…every time I go to her house, I freak out just a tiny bit.
#65 Back of the Line
When I was 19 I worked as a manager at a Dollar Tree. The first of every month was always the most hectic because of food stamps which, unfortunately for us, not a great day because there were only three employees inside the store including myself. Lines are building up when a woman and her 20-something daughter come to the line with over 60 items.
When the total comes up and she uses WIC, she cannot remember her PIN. Happens, I get it. I told her we’ll have to move it over to an empty cash register to clear my conveyor so that we don’t hold anyone up—four or more people in each of our two lines now. She complied—Woo!—and I continued ringing up customers.
She takes five steps from me and calls friends/family to find out what the password is and after slightly less than five minutes says she knows it now. I say ‘Awesome!’ At this point, she starts moving my customer’s items back while she cuts off every customer to place all of her items back on the belt. Every customer is like “What the heck?!”
I stop her and tell her that she needs to get to the back of the line and she pulls out the “Let me speak to your manager” at a screech that could be heard from the city over. I calmly say “No problem,” bend down, turn around, pop my head back up, and say “How can I help you?” Every customer starts laughing, including her daughter, and she starts cursing at me like the Wicked Witch of the West.
This was the point when I told her to leave the store to which she just went to the other line and I told the employee not to ring her up. She blew up in anger and left the store with her daughter apologizing to everyone.
#66 Blast That Past
Ex-girlfriend of the groom showed up at this wedding...uninvited and drunk. He broke up with her 10 years earlier and has not seen her in over 8 years. She was loud and saying very graphic things about what she wanted to do to the groom. The bride steps up, goes all out and punches the ex in the face...knocks the ex out cold.
The bride we know is a normally calm and peaceful person. A few of us carry the ex out of the reception and drop her at her apartment about 20 min away. Bride told my wife that "there is nothing that will ruin my wedding day."
#67 Thin Wall, Huge Separation
My fiancée at the time—three months from the wedding—used to use my laptop all the time for social media and stuff while she was watching TV. She comes to me one night and says she thinks stuff isn't working out and that we should talk about whether we should really continue. I'd not felt any problems that I didn't just dismiss as wedding planning/financial stress.
So I explained that and she said she wanted to sleep in the spare room that night to think things through, to which I agreed. I wasn't very happy with it at all, so I decided to go get my device and watch some YouTube before bed. She had her Facebook left open on my user account—completely normal. Then I see a notification from her ex-colleague.
She was live-texting him sensual stuff with just a thin wall between us. I instantly knew I'd never forgive that, got dressed, quietly snuck away into my car and drove to my mum’s. She didn't even realize I knew for days. Didn't speak to her at all after that. All communication was through her own parents, who were devastated.
#68 A Neverending Case of Nepotism
Two years ago, I was struck head on in an intersection by a woman driving an SUV (I was driving my dad's Civic). She was speeding and had gone through a red light. My car was totaled, while hers looked like her bumper needed to be replaced. When the authorities showed up they told me that she was obviously at fault and not to worry.
A few days later I get a call from my insurance company saying that I was at fault...turns out the lady that hit me was the police chief's wife. It took a year to fight the case in court, which I eventually won due to the huge amounts of evidence against her. But it gets better...Two months ago I get a call from my insurance company saying that they were going to close the case.
Huge relief that that chapter of my life was over. The NEXT day I get a call saying that the case was reopened and I was being sued because the lady had suffered injuries in the crash...a crash that I was ultimately found not at fault for...
#69 So Much for the Language of Love
This is one of the cruelest and most embarrassing stories I have ever heard. My friend seemed to have it all: a nice house, a good job he loved, and a beautiful French wife. But then one day he discovered that his wife absolutely refused to speak English when her family was over. Instead, they would just speak in French the entire time while he sat by, not understanding a word. He started to get suspicious, so he recorded their conversation and got it translated—that tape was absolutely heartbreaking.
She got bored of being married to him, and her family basically talked smack about him while he was there.
#70 Don't Let Sleeping Babes Lie
I worked daycare and was told to never accept babies sleeping in car seats or sleeping children at all. So if Mom or Dad brought a kid asleep, I immediately woke them up and pulled them out of their car seat. This made so many parents displeased with me, but it's policy. I used to think it was to help the kid be on a schedule, but one day I discovered the disturbing truth.
That day, a grandma brought a baby asleep and he was not waking up at all. Just would raise his head, whimper, and go back to sleep. Immediately my boss called 9-1-1 and grandma was trying to downplay "he had a rough night, he's just tired, etc." I knew this baby, he wouldn't sleep if he thought he was going to miss out, we had music playing and kids loudly singing and dancing.
In the chaos, grandma slipped out and at some point, someone called the parents. Turns out Granny had a history of giving kids stuff to knock them out when she babysat, but this time she did it to a six-month-old and that's why he wouldn't wake up. I think they pumped the kid's stomach and he had a stay at the hospital. Actions were taken and the family moved away.
To clarify, the policy was put in place because my boss knew people have been known to do this. They'd break the kid's arm, dose them, dump them with the sitter who lets the baby asleep all morning then because the kid was with the sitter all day, it's easy to blame them for the baby's injury. Or worse, the baby passed on and they do this to blame the sitter.
So yea, to this day if I'm babysitting, I don't accept sleeping children. I flat out refuse to watch kids at their home while they're sleeping for the same reason. I've pretty much stopped doing any child care because as much as I love kids, watching parents make bad decisions on purpose when they know better, was ruining my soul.
#71 Keeping up Appearances
My brother was on a jury back in the days of MySpace. A woman had been hit by a big rig during some foggy weather and she was suing for a back injury. On the last day of the trial, they asked her if she had a MySpace account and then brought up her site for the jury to see, as I think all profiles were open to the public back then.
There was a picture of her dancing on the hood of a car, and right next to it was a text exchange of her saying that she shouldn’t go out too much because her lawyer says that she has to look injured. Needless to say, she lost that case.
#72 You Think You've Had a Long Flight?
Just got on a flight in London headed to Vegas. Sitting next to my GF and she wants to show me something she has planned for the trip so gets out her phone. It opens to the Messages and shows a chat with a guy (I know him) saying how much she is gonna miss him and how she doesn't wanna go away with me anyway. The doors close on the plane. That was a really fun 10-11hrs...
#73 The Joke’s on Her
I canceled on a party her friends were having because I worked late. My boss let me out a few hours early because it was dead. So I went to the party. Got there and asked her cousin where she was. Her cousin said, "oh, she’s in her car out front on the phone." As I walked away to go to the car her cousin panicked and said "NO! WAIT! SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM!"
Me knowing she was lying, I jogged to my gf's car out front. Looked in the window and she was pantless doing favors for two other guys. That was ten years ago. Now she's a mother to four fatherless children and I'm engaged to her beautiful, latina ex-best friend.
#74 Driving While Modern
I have a buddy who is an attorney. In the state he practiced in, being in the car with the keys in the ignition, even if the engine isn't running, is considered a DUI if you're intoxicated. A client came in and told his story to my buddy. The buddy goes to the DA after discovery and says "Don't take this to trial!" The DA replies "Yeah, right."
In court, he gets the State Trooper who made the arrest up on the stand. The Trooper says under oath "I saw with my own two eyes that the keys were in the ignition." Buddy gives the cop several tries to walk it back. Then has it read into the record that the car was a Prius. It didn't use a key. BOOM. Instant dismissal and the cop got into some trouble.
#75 A Love-Hate Relationship
I'm a lawyer, and my client was accused of not leaving this woman alone when she wanted no contact with him. He swore that they were dating, and she'd call the authorities when she got mad. She swore she wanted nothing to do with him. She had a photo on her phone of him sitting on her porch, to prove that he'd come around without her consent.
I asked permission from the judge to look at the photos before and after to get context. Lo and behold, she had hundreds of photos of him. Eating dinner with her, sitting on her couch—even wearing her undergarments. It was a glorious moment.
#76 Facebook Has Sent Your Sidepiece Request
At a birthday party on Saturday night, a guy there who I’ve never met before starts chatting to me, seems pretty cool and fun, and spends the entire night with me as basically my shadow. He offers to walk me home (I declined), and then he kisses me before I leave. Next morning, I have a friend request from him on Facebook where it clearly displays his wife. Poor woman. People really can be outrageous jerks.
#77 How Not to Deal With Family Problems
I worked at the front desk of one of the Disneyland Resort Hotels. One day, a lady, followed by another lady with like an 11 year old kid, walks up and asks if there is a place that people leave messages for their family if they are separated. I said, "not really" and inquired more into the situation. What I heard chilled me to the bone.
Apparently the first lady was helping the other lady, who didn't speak good English, and her kid. The lady and her kid were in line for Indiana Jones when the father said he was going to the restroom, but never returned. They later went to the car, and the car was gone. They were hoping he left a message for them somewhere.
While talking, me and the lady realized he left them, probably for good. The father was probably thinking that at least he left them at Disneyland. I spoke to my manager later about it, and apparently this happens every so often, a father decides to leave his family, and thinks if it's at Disneyland it softens the blow. Ruins Disneyland for the family if you ask me.
#78 Not Everyone Wants an Encore
Ah, another great wedding plot twist. After the vows and the kiss, as the couple was walking together down the aisle, the mother of the bride stopped the recessional and announced that she and her husband were renewing their vows right then and there. The husband was mortified but went along with it. After all, they paid for the wedding, and the band, and the flowers, and they didn't want all of that to "go to waste."
Once they had renewed their vows, the bride's mother invited everyone to the "joint reception." Throughout the reception, the mother loudly and repeatedly commented on how many gifts the bride and groom had received and how no one had bothered to bring a gift for the mother and husband. Never mind the fact that none of the guests (nor the wedding party, the planners, nor anyone else) knew the bride’s parents would be exchanging vows.
Towards the end, after a whole night of drinking, the drunken and sobbing mother accused the bride of swiping the mother's "special day," called her a whole bunch of mean things in front of her friends and family, then grabbed the wedding cake and left. The bride and groom had another ceremony a few weeks later. No parents were invited.
#79 High Time He Explained Himself
Ages ago I arranged a meeting with the local dealer of...substances...through an acquaintance. Surprise surprise, it was my dad. Needless to say, major questions were asked on both sides. My god, the look on our faces must've been priceless!
#80 I Haven’t Got You, Babe
I used to work in "baby daddy" court as a caseworker. This guy kept telling me, the mother of the child, and anyone who would listen that the baby was NOT his. When they went before the judge, the judge confirmed through DNA testing that he wasn't the dad. Dude turned around and ripped off his jacket. His undershirt said "NOT THE FATHER!"
#81 Standing up to the Boss
I had a boss who kept on getting angry at me because, "I wasn't doing what he told me to do." Finally one day, I decided to start writing down exactly what he told me, dated it, and kept record of it. Then one day came where inevitably, "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!" "Exactly what you told me to do." "I NEVER TOLD YOU TO DO THAT!"
"Well, I have it written here..." pulls out note card "On 5/22/16 -- you told me specifically to do this task, exactly like this, and never do it any other way." I finally won. I started standing up for myself a bit more in the office, and I was respected for it.
#82 Age Is Just a Number
Two students who happened to have been fraternal twins arrived at our school when they were both 15 years old. One looked older than the other, but that just happens sometimes. Then one day, a rumor started going around that they were not actually twins, but just ordinary sisters. I tell the Behavior Support workers, who look into it. They never expected what they found.
As it turns out, one of the sisters was actually 22 years old. The parents had lied about her age to get her into the school, which they had needed to do in order to be allowed to stay in the country. Whoops!
#83 Did He Get an A+?
I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. He had asked me to proofread his paper on his Mac and the text messenger popped up in the right hand. He was sitting in his bed texting some girl "goodnight, I love you" while sitting right next to me in his bed. I deleted his entire paper, wrote "Who's Marissa?" saved it and told him it looks great and left.
She was his girlfriend of eight years who lived next to his parents two hours away.
#84 Sister, Sister
My dad was an only child whose own father went away to war when he was 3 and didn't return ‘till he was 9. My dad was a painfully lonely child, neglected by his mom and raised by his grandfather. When he married my mom he suddenly had five brothers-in-law, two parents-in-law who cared about him, and dozens of aunts/uncles/cousins by marriage.
He absolutely reveled in being accepted into my mom's big family, but he always regretted never having a brother or sister. Then one day I was talking to my dad's father—I think we were actually just talking about the weather when my grandpa looked away from me and started to tremble a bit. I asked him if he was okay and he very quietly said "your dad has a sister in France."
Then he got up and walked away. We never spoke about it after, and to this day my dad (80 years old now) has no idea that he has a sister.
#85 Over the Hill
My ex-wife and I went up to Big Bear to go snowboarding and spend some time together. We were having issues and I thought to be fun to get away and do something fun together. Let's just say it did not go well. She said she grew up snowboarding, but she never made it down a hill and had a terrible time.
So we went back to the cabin and she was pretty much just on her phone, not talking to me. We make it back and she says she needs to just shower and be alone for a bit. She goes off and I just hang in the den. She left her phone in her purse and it just kept buzzing, so I checked it out because what if someone was trying to reach us or something? I wish I could unsee what I saw.
I open it up to read a full conversation between her and this guy. It wasn't good. I read how that day’s texts started and they started really early in the morning. "Hope you're doing ok up there." "We'll see, doubt it. He's trying too hard. He should just know it really doesn't matter. Wish I was up here with you instead."
Just the worst stuff. And that was before I even woke up. I was pretty devastated and really didn't know what to do. I knew I didn't want to fight because I realized she wasn't worth fighting for. Grabbed my bag and drove back to San Diego. I took her phone with me, so I could text him and tell him "We're coming home early, let's meet."
I ended up inviting him to a coffee shop and waited for him to show up. When he walked through the door, he saw me immediately and kind of stopped. I waved him over and wasn't too far from the door, so I told him we need to talk. He comes over and already front loads with the "It's not what you think," blah blah blah speech.
I told him that if he wants her, he can take his sorry butt to Big Bear and go get her. Because I was leaving and we're through. See you when we sign the papers. And I left. Second worst day of my life but I'm glad it happened. Met my lady three years later and we've been together for four years, now engaged. Things are much better now.
#86 A Poet Who Didn’t Know It
I wrote a term paper about conflict in schools. I got an A on the assignment and then pretty much forgot about it. Sometime later, another teacher congratulated me for getting published. Huh???? Published? What are you talking about? I was then shown my own work published in a magazine—under my teacher’s name.
She had never asked my permission to use my work, nor had she even informed me of these intentions. She was forced to write me an apology letter.
#87 Machiavellian Grandma
My step great-grandmother killed my biological great-grandmother and great-grandfather. She killed my biological great-grandmother by pushing her off a building—everyone thought she was drunk because it was some rooftop party back in the ‘20s. She wanted my great-grandfather because he was wealthy at the time.
He lost almost everything in the stock market crash, and when they realized they wouldn't recover, she left him for a man who was still wealthy (my step-great grandfather). Poisoned my real great-grandfather. She admitted all this to my mother just as she was about to pass on. Grandma Velma was a psycho.
#88 Good Riddance
A (heading towards abusive) ex told me that he would leave me if I didn’t lose ten pounds in the two weeks before his friend’s wedding. He was blown away when I said “okay” and walked away.
#89 Desperate Times, Desperate Measures
My grandmother has all the dirty little secrets but she's too proper to spill anything. Until this one night when she told me about my grandfather's (her husband's) family. Essentially, they were poor, living off the streets and trying to earn money during Australia's gold rush. The family had too many kids and not enough money so they sold one of their kids to a Chinese businessman.
He would've been my grandfather's great uncle I suppose. No one knew and she hasn't said boo of it since then.
#90 Think Fast!
I was on the bus a year or 2 back and a kid and his mom were seated in front of me. The kid kept screeching about wanting to ''press the button'' (you press a button to notify the bus driver that you need to get off at the next stop) because he liked the beep it made. Every. Single. Bus stop. This little brat screeched asking if he could press it yet. Finally his mom said he could press the button.
I pressed it. It only beeps for the first person to press it. The little brat cried.
#91 Act Your Age
I worked at a call center years ago. I overheard an angry commotion from the headset of the gal next to me. The yelling continued for what seemed like 30 minutes, but it was probably closer to five. But she was totally unfazed, just reading a magazine while the ranting continued. Finally, I heard my co-worker ask, "Your mother or father home, sweetie? We're not permitted to speak with children."
They hung up. Before the next auto-dial, I said, "Darn, that was a kid?" She just shrugged, "No, it was some old man."
#92 It’s Like I Don’t Even Know You
I recently found out that the man I'd been involved with for six months had not one, not two, but three aliases.
#93 Sweet, Sweet Hush Money
I had found another job and was just waiting it out to get my bonus. For about three months I was free to express myself in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise. I had noticed that my vacation time had not been approved and normally would have asked about it but decided to see how it might play out. My manager called me in about two weeks before my vacation to inform me that it was denied.
I wasn’t the least upset but I informed her I was going anyway. She threatened me every way under the sun which only made me laugh at her. Everyone was surprised when I left her office smiling as they had heard her. I went to my desk, printed off my resignation and gave it to her. Got my bonus, got my vacation, and also got an extra two weeks paid.
You see, I was going to a competitor and they didn’t want me sharing information.
#94 Falling Like Dominoes
I reported a coworker for harassing a minor. My manager fired me for making the accusation against her friend. She got fired, and then the district manager got fired when he too was caught in a bathroom with a minor.
#95 Some Devastatingly Flawed Logic
I worked at a daycare. One of the mothers gave me the heebie jeebies. She would show up randomly and be like "my baaaaaaby, I neeeed my baaaaby." Like, moms love their kids and miss them, but her obsession with her daughter really made me feel weird. She ended up killing her daughter so that she could be an angel. It really messed me up when I found out.
#96 The Milk Is for the Baby
I saw a patient who was concerned because she was still lactating, despite the fact that she stopped breastfeeding her twins two years ago. I asked her some routine questions, but I was completely unprepared for her answer. She said: "sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and find my husband sucking on the breasts. He says he's trying to drain the milk for me."
I had to explain to her that breastfeeding her husband will lead to continued Lactation.
#97 That's No Scratch
I'm a nurse, and I was working in the ER when a guy came in for a scratch on his neck and "feeling drowsy." We start the usual workups and this dude's blood pressure TANKED. We scrambled, but he was dead within ten minutes of walking through the door. Turns out the "scratch" was an exit wound of a .22 caliber round.
The guy didn't even know he'd been shot. When the coroner's report came back, we found that he'd been shot in the leg and the bullet tracked through his torso, shredding everything in between. There was really nothing we could've done, but that was a serious "what the heck just happened" moment, and for a good while we thought we had made a fatal error.
#98 Cheaters Never Prosper
I knew my ex wife was cheating but didn’t tell her that I knew. Took her out for a dinner date and I casually asked questions about who she had been spending time with while I was at sea, she barely worked, so she had to spend her time doing something. When her lies started flowing, I knew exactly what I had to do.
She failed to mention the guy that had been staying at my house for nearly two months, the guy she had to call the authorities on just to get to leave because I was coming home in two days...soooo I slid her a copy of the police report that was filed for the incident and watched as she crumbled over the fact she had been caught, and I didn’t have to say a word.
#99 Missed Encounters
At a wedding of a college friend of my husband’s, we learned that the bride (his old friend) had been in love with him for over a decade. We learned this from the women at our table at the reception. We introduced ourselves while we waited for the bride and groom to arrive. They were horrified that we were there—and extremely worried.
My husband had NO idea that she had feelings for him. She bee-lined right for our table after the "introducing Mr & Mrs" thing—ignoring her family and leaving her husband standing alone. She clung to my husband and sobbed—lifting her head to glare at me. She had to be pulled off of him.
She repaired herself, then followed us as we tried to leave quietly—her parting shot was to stare at my chest and say, "Well I guess I know what I was missing all along!" Her new husband was in shock and my husband was horrified and embarrassed—he was completely clueless and would never have gone to the wedding if he'd know she was obsessed with him. It was bizarre.
#100 The Old Switcharoo
My wife and I absolutely adore our son. It’s been amazing to watch him grow up—but neither of them know the painful secret that I’ve had to keep from them ever since the day my wife went into labor. She nearly died while giving birth, and the labor was so difficult that she fell into a coma afterward for days. When she woke up cradling our son in her arms, she had no idea about the sin I’d committed.
I secretly bought my son from a human trafficker after my wife had lost our biological child during the birth process. This is quite easy to do in my country, considering that there are a lot of very poor parents willing to give their children away.