As humans, we often refuse to admit we're the wrong ones in a situation. A lot of the time, pride and other emotions get in the way, causing us to stick to our stories at all costs. It's only after we've had some time to cool down and really think about things that we start to realize maybe they were right and we were wrong... We were the bad guys. People from around the world took to the internet to share when they realized they were the bad guys in a messy situation. Part of life is admitting mistakes and learning from them. Hopefully, we can get something positive and useful from these people's experiences:
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#1 Forcing Maturity
As I was standing on my front lawn, spraying chemicals on dandelions, a little neighbor girl asked if I was watering my flowers. I replied, "No, I'm ending them." An expression of sadness washed over both of our faces. We shared a moment is silence. "That's mean," she said, before pedaling off. She was forced to grow up way too quickly.
#2 "Stealing" Watches
When I was a kid at summer camp, I used to always find digital watches lying around. I collected like, three of them one summer and was showing them off to other kids. One was like, "Hey that's my watch, I took it off when I went swimming." I thought about it and realized, wow, yeah I do "find" a lot of these watches near the pool. Turned out, I had just been stealing other kids digital watches that they were taking off and leaving by the poolside before swimming. I gave him back his watch.
#3 What Are Tips?
My cousin did this at the restaurant when she was a little kid. She left to go to the bathroom and came back ten minutes later with a handful of money. Her mom asked, "Where did you find that?" Her reply was: "People forgot it at their tables."
#4 Put A Smile On
One of the first jobs I took seriously was, in fact, McDonald's. You can hate it all you want, but it's incredible how detailed the instructions are. From a processing and logistics point of view, they can make you a fresh hamburger in under a minute. That's amazing if you've ever worked in a kitchen.
I was usually working as an "initiator," which is like the leader of the kitchen. You decide what gets made first by toasting the buns and sending them down the line with the proper wrapper and condiments. Generally speaking, you also call out to the co-workers if there's any special order; like if there are large orders of nuggets or something coming in. A hyper 20-year-old worker can really put the strain on some elderly line workers. I kept them working hard during rush hours.
One particular dinner rush, I really gave our only cook Terry a hard time. He was in a motorcycle accident when he was younger. I wouldn't call him handicapped or mentally challenged, he was just a really slow mover and thinker. He kept coming up short on things like nuggets, chicken patties, burgers, etc. it was really slowing us down. At one point, he was holding a dirty tray, walking across the kitchen, and I yelled at him to get more burgers cooking.
He just stopped, gave me an evil stare, threw the dirty tray on the ground, and yelled, "Not everyone is perfect as you are! Some people have to try harder to do normal things!" My heart sank and I started feeling really bad. I still remember that moment almost 15 years later. If you've ever worked in a busy kitchen, you know how those moments create strong bonds between co-workers. I ended up being good friends with the guy and helped him out a bit more when I could.
#5 My Mistake
I was at an intersection and the lane shifted once you crossed it. I honked at a guy because he got into my lane. I asked him: "Are you trying to have an accident?" He told me, "Your lane shifts, you idiot!" 99% of the time, I am a good driver and the other person is an absolute moron. A few days, later I realized the guy was right and I was wrong. I wish I could time travel and say, "My mistake, you were right."
#6 Scott Pilgrim
Kind of a dumb story, but I think its really funny. I was watching Scott Pilgrim in class towards the end of my senior year of high school. My thought process went along the lines of: "I'm a white nerdy guy—I identify with Scott. Wait... maybe this goes deeper than that... Dang, am I Scott? Wow, I'm Scott. I need to work on this."
#7 Under Pressure
A co-worker and I were not getting along. Something wasn't clicking and I thought she was just old, rude and lazy. Eventually, I got called into the bosses office and she was there, crying her eyes out. My boss informed me that she had been telling them I was being rude, aggressive and overall a jerk. But it turned out, she felt she was under pressure because of my attitude, and she couldn't handle it.
I felt awful and apologized profusely. I was young at the time and it was a big wake up moment for me. I was at a point in my life where I was trying to turn myself around physically, but now I knew I had to for my attitude as well. That co-worker and I became quite close over time, and even though I left that job six years ago, we still keep in touch.
#8 Eye-Opener
When I was 18, many, many years ago, I worked a job where I was the jerk without realizing it. One day, a coworker was having a rough time with something and apparently, I was being my usual self. He pretty much told me off by letting me know how people talk about me behind my back because of how much of a jerk I am. It caught me off guard but it also got me to evaluate myself. Yup, I was a jerk.
Turns out, what I thought was playful banter was just me being rude and dismissive. I cursed constantly and as much at others as anything else. Again, under the impression that it was all in fun. I also learned that my sarcasm does not come across as such. It was an eye-opener for sure and it helped me change in many ways. That coworker did later apologize for snapping at me but I wasn't at all upset about it, I also apologized to him.
#9 Only Want One Thing
When I texted a girl to hang out (platonically) and her response was, "What would we do, all you ever wanted me for one thing." It was about 10 years ago when I was 19 and in college. It was one of the only regrets I've had regarding how I've treated another person. I've given her a formal apology and (barring details that really show how I was the bad guy) I explained how I saw things. Now, we're not on enemy terms—she's a mother and married to the best friend who consoled my jerk behavior! Win-win?
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#10 True Awareness
Once when I was in a relationship, before having spent time at a mental hospital to get me right again, I thought my girlfriend was the bad and manipulative one... but in reality, I manipulated her so much that it caused me to believe she was manipulating me... That's how bad it was. Self-deception is pandemic. True awareness is a rare and difficult skill.
#11 Be A Roy
I knew I was the bad guy when she was happier without me... and a lot happier with him than she was with me. Guys, you either leave this life a Jim or live long enough to become a Roy. The twist is you can become that cool version of Roy in season 9 where he got his life together and was happy too.
#12 When You're The Problem
I was on a highway off-ramp taking an exit. A van to my left cut in front of me then stopped. "What the heck is this jerk doing?!" I said to myself as I slammed on the horn. I swerve around the car, gave the driver the finger, and sped off... My wife then told me he was pulling over for the ambulance that I just cut off. Whoops... I felt like a real piece of work.
#13 A Good Brother
As a kid, my parents would always take my brother’s side on everything. Not in a bad abusive way, but like, say he forgot to run an errand... They'd just be like, “Oh, he didn’t mean to forget.” Meanwhile, if I forgot to do a chore, it would be: “Why are you being so lazy?”
When I was away at college, I realized, and I don’t mean this in a vindictive way or anything, that my brother really has the most absolute pure intentions of anyone on the planet. I have good intentions like 90% of the time. I’m not perfect, but my brother seriously just wants everyone to be happy and help everyone. So I realized that for most of our childhood I was the “bad guy.”
Seriously though, like, I do keto when I’m cutting and he wants to drop a few pounds, (he’s not doing keto) so he meal prepped himself some food, wrote the carb content on all of it, put it in the fridge and said I could eat whatever. He literally meal-prepped for me without me asking just because he can.
#14 Underlying Issues
My husband and I weren't getting along. He was always doing something that angered me and I didn't keep it inside. He, in turn, was getting fed up with me and eventually, it started pushing us apart. About two, months ago I went to the doctor and, after a conversation we had, she told me I had anxiety. Apparently, it was causing me to be irritable and on edge. I immediately felt like a huge jerk and started reflecting back on everything. She wrote me a prescription and I've been feeling so much better. I really didn't realize how hard I was being on him about the silliest stuff. He's such a great guy and does so much for our family. I was truly the bad guy.
#15 The Nine-Month Lie
I lied to my girlfriend about something in the first month of our relationship. It was pretty serious and involved an abusive ex-FWB that I had been seeing around the time we met. I finally told her the truth nine months later. It's going to take a long time to get her trust back. I’m in it for the long haul though. I guess I always knew I was the bad guy as long as I kept the truth from her and I hoped it would kind of go away. Now that it’s out, I’ve had to fully accept my bad guy role and improve our situation one day at a time.
#16 Karma Is Real
There was a point, roughly about high school and college-age, when I believed in karma... That me dealing with all the bad stuff with a smile on my face meant that I was owed something... That this was all some underdog story about the guy who was dragged through the muck and emerged on the other side with everything he ever wanted.
It wasn't anything anyone did that broke me out, just a stress-related mental breakdown that sort of rebooted the way I looked at things. No karma, no grand story of which I was some pivotal character; just me and the world. I had been pressuring friends to do nice things for me because of the stuff I dealt with at home or work, which just simply doesn't make sense now that I think about it.
I realized several friends who had "abandoned me" had simply gotten fed up with the needy, whining, clinging jerk I was turning into. Apologies followed to anyone I felt I had wronged. People I had mistreated because I felt that they were the 'villain' in my life. They were friends I had taken for granted. I started to process my stresses better and I've long since stopped demanding the world to pay me some nonexistent dues.
#17 Too Immature
Looking back at high school, I get why I wasn't popular. And it wasn't because of all the athletic Chads and Staceys, it was because I talked about my "little guy" on day 1 and had no social skills.
#18 Silly Arguments Are Never Worth It
When he told me my negative attitude was having a serious effect on our relationship and I realized I was on the verge of losing him over silly arguments I didn’t even know why I was starting. You don’t know what you’ve got 'til it’s almost gone. Ladies, treat your men the way you want to be treated.
#19 HR Is Here For You
I'm an HR manager. So, I think I'm the bad guy every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror as I'm getting ready. I remember when I first got hired at one job and during orientation, I was told "HR is here for you. If you have any issues, come to us!" I had to keep myself from laughing. Now, I'm an HR manager. I was laughing at my future self.
#20 Fantastic Parents
I realized that I had really fantastic parents, but I was an ungrateful kid. They really tried their best and are probably in the top five percentile for people in their situation, yet I was a spoiled, entitled piece of work. It was a relatively recent discovery. I'm working on it.
#21 A War Story
I realized right away. It was an easy conclusion to reach. We haven't fought an organized army in a while, but in Vietnam, it was easy to sympathize with other soldiers, even the enemy. The North Vietnamese Army guys were just like us, mostly. And some of them were elite, heroic soldiers, highly skilled, well-trained and brave as heck. It's not treason to admit that.
Among the NVA, the most elite and courageous were the Sappers—specially-trained wire rats who carried satchel charges. They'd zip through your wire (which, in this case, was not much), and blow up your stuff. You too, if you got in the way. Give 'em capes and a shiny outfit, they'd fit right in a DC comic. Me, I was a hands-off kind of soldier—the artillery guy. My job was to end people from a distance... A nice, safe distance. Close-quarter fighting was somebody else's job.
That somebody was AWOL one night. I was minimally armed, and the Sapper was unlucky. I still feel a little bad about that. He was a brave guy.
#22 Self-Realization
My current boyfriend and I are on break, and it's entirely my fault. I've been abused in the past, so a lot of paranoia surfaced, and I was accusing him of all sorts of things while being overly possessive. I actually became abusive myself, out of fear of him abusing me, and one time when he was tipsy, he finally broke down and said a lot of things he'd been sitting on.
It broke my heart. I literally had nothing to defend myself with. It was entirely true, every word of it, and it was soul-wrenching that I'd hurt him this much. So we're on break whist I get therapy. If I'm being honest with myself, I don't think he's going to take me back, or if I deserve him back, but I owe it to him to improve myself so at least this won't happen again with someone else. I love you Mike, and I'm so sorry.
#23 Bad And Badder
When I realized that despite him being abusive, I was worse. He went from a sweet guy with a good job and a car to a bum living with a bunch of hoarders. He lost his self-esteem and moved across the country to start from scratch with his family. I realized my choices were selfish and awful and after having a heart to heart closure, I've left him alone. He's thriving so well it makes me happy to see it.
#24 Poor Frogs
As a little girl, my uncle took me out catching frogs. Fun! I love frogs, and I was way better at catching them than he was. We kept all the frogs we caught in a big jar—naturally, I assumed we had a couple of dozen pet frogs now. Nah. The next day, when we all went fishing, my uncle used the frogs as live bait. I'm so sorry, frogs. I didn't know.
#25 Immediate Remorse
This was before everyone had a cell phone, back in the '90s. It was the weekend after high school graduation and my friend was driving around the neighborhood. We passed by our friend's house and we noticed an abnormal amount of cars out front. We immediately thought that he had a graduation party and didn't invite us. Internally, we were super angry. We knocked and his mom let us in. She gave no mention of anything—the house wasn't decorated, so we assumed maybe they didn't care to go that length. We found my friend in his room and asked, "What's with all the people? Are you having a party without us?" Then, he told us his dad had passed away the night before of a heart attack. It was before Father's Day.
#26 Sarcasm Taken Seriously
I'm a very sarcastic person. My entire family is wickedly sarcastic. My nephew, who was four years old at the time, was going to sleep in my room with me when we stayed at a cabin on vacation. When he heard that he was going to be sleeping in my room and that we had snacks and fun stuff in there, he said to me, "You mean you do like me?! We are friends!" It broke my little heart.
#27 Narcissistic Tendencies
It was a slow process. I am arguably more narcissistic than the average person, though I do not qualify for the actual disorder. I remember one day sitting in therapy and realizing that I had been emotionally manipulating my boss who had gone out of his way to be exceptionally kind and available to me. In return, I barely worked, so much to the point where he had to start picking up my slack. I talked badly about him to all of my coworkers, though most of them already disliked him. Often, I would engage him on topics that were meaningful to him just because I could sit for two hours in his office, and get paid not to work. What he perceived to be a meaningful connection was mostly entertainment for me.
I started crying, like bawling. I couldn't believe it. On a grander scale, I started to understand how I was doing that to pretty much everyone. It's strange because I always perceived others as manipulating and using me, which justified my behavior. I never understood (and honestly, still struggle to understand) that other people care about me or are affected by my actions. I thought everyone was playing the same game I was. Turns out, that wasn't ENTIRELY the case.
#28 People Can Change
My last major girlfriend was my soul mate. We lived together and worked a few jobs together. I was too scared to drive, so I didn't have my driver's license and relied on her 100%. I never wanted to do anything she wanted to do. I was possessive and jealous. I flew off the handle when we broke up. I realized after all was said and done why she wanted out so bad, and that I turned into exactly the kind of guy I hate. I'm still not perfect. But nowadays, I'm far better than that pathetic jerk I used to be.
#29 Laziness Is A Disease
I thought I was depressed and my parents didn’t understand me, but now I’m pretty sure I’m fundamentally lazy and incapable of change.
#30 Total Selfishness
I went to a job interview over my girlfriend's sister's wedding. I got the job, (it's a dream job and everything is fine and dandy with it), but it ruined so many relationships in the process. I thought I was been driven and proactive. Instead, I was selfish and probably should have stayed to keep the peace.
#31 Train Troll
I was attempting to exit an even more crowded-than-usual NYC subway during the evening rush hour and the Tetris dance of people staying on to let people off was going particularly poorly. Some people just weren’t moving at all, not even pretending with their half-hearted leans, and it really annoys me when people clearly think keeping their spot near the door is more important than letting you disembark. I snapped just a bit and barked “Move!” to no one in particular. I’m not a particularly imposing guy for the record; just average, but a guy nonetheless.
Immediately, I heard a sort of cry, then a whimper from a bit ahead of me. As I finally make my way past people finally making way, I saw the source: A woman in her mid-'50s, wearing sunglasses and clutching a white cane, literally shaking in terror. My entire interior collapsed and consumed itself right then and I felt like literally the worst person in the world. I try to be more patient on the train now. Sometimes it sucks, but you never really know. Rarely are you being inconvenienced purely because someone else is a sadistic jerk.
#32 Always Double-Check
I was volunteering at a hostel once and my coworker told me everyone in Room 3 was supposed to check out that day... Check out was at 10, so when I went into the room and there was a guy still in bed, I naturally kicked him out. I tried to be all funny like, “You don’t have to leave, but you can’t stay here.” He gave me a confused look and left the room. I changed all the sheets and cleaned the room. Later in the day, I was walking past the room and he was laying on the bed again...
I said, “Come on man, I just cleaned that bed and you’re sleeping in it again?” He responded, “Well... I’m barely sleeping.” I rolled my eyes and said, “But someone else’s head had to go on that pillow.” As I walked away in irritation. I hear him respond, “I guess that’s true...” Now, at 10 p.m., my co-worker and I were confused as to why he hadn’t left, so she checked the books again, and we realized he booked that room until the next day... It turned out I was the jerk the whole time and made a complete fool of myself.
#33 Former Bully
I always hated primary school because none of the other little girls liked me. The only ones that did were awful to me, and their "friendship" didn't last after I moved schools. At 19, I ran into one of the girls I actually quite liked. When I ran up and greeted her, she was tipsy. She immediately turned to her friend and said: "Ugh, this is that girl who always made fun of me when I was young."
Her friend immediately turned and ranted at me about how insecure I had made this girl and what a witch I was. I was too shocked to say anything, and they left the bar before I could apologize. Looking back, I completely deserved how I was treated. I have a lot of failings that as a child I couldn't recognize and control. These days people tell me I'm the nicest person they know and can't seem to believe that I work incredibly hard to be like that to make up for past mistakes.
#34 Revenge Slap
I once slapped a little kid for throwing snowballs at me and my friends. He was crying afterward. To be fair, I was 13 at the time, we told him to stop, and we tried walking away. The snowballs hurt because they had ice in it. He also stole from a bag I had with me, so he was a little brat. I wouldn't do it today though.
#35 Sibling Regrets
When I was kicking my little brother on the ground, and I was screaming at him that “I did not want to do it, but he was making me.” After I sat down and thought for a minute, I realized that I was an abusive jerk. I realized that it was not a one-time thing. This was about six years ago. We have gotten a lot closer since then, but I still feel awful about it. The way I treated him will always be one of my biggest regrets.
#36 Little-Big Feud
I had an arch-nemesis in elementary school. She was always really mean to me but I didn't really do much in return. Anyway, this little feud lasted up until sixth grade. I noticed her walking around at recess with a purse; a purse I too had. I thought, "Well, if she has that purse too than it must be mine. She must have stolen it." I went up to her and tore it out of her hands, saying it was mine. She started crying and went up to one of the teacher assistants. Unfortunately, that teacher assistant recognized that bag was like mine, because she'd seen me walk around with the same one.
I went back to my little friend group and I started looking through the bag, quickly realizing nothing inside was mine. The only thing inside was a bunch of pads. I took all of them out and walked over to the girl I took the purse from and threw them at her feet and said, "You left something in my bag." I ended up going home that day and finding the purse I thought she stole in my closet. I still have both of the purses, actually. That day must have been hell for that girl, and I do feel terrible about it now.
#37 Tipsy Turvy
I was super tipsy and something my friend did really ticked me off, so I stood up and tried to storm out of the party. A group of people held me back and I got really mad trying to push through them. I looked around and everyone was looking at me with this mixture of disgust and horror. I realized I was just being a huge, sensitive, overreacting jerk.
#38 Old Habits Die Hard
When my boyfriend and I argue, I have this tendency to "shut down, shut up, avoid, cold shoulder." I didn't realize how harmful it was until I saw this Kristen Bell interview where she talked about doing the same tactic with her now-husband-then-boyfriend, and how her husband had called her out on it. Stepping away to cool off is one thing, but if the intention to shut down completely is to avoid having a mature, honest discussion, it can make your partner feel guilty for speaking up in the first place. I always touted myself as being the more experienced half, but I realized then that I have some habits to break.
#39 A Guilty Spank
The first time I spanked my daughter. I got so frustrated—I was trying to get her to bed and she was just refusing. Instead of making her take a timeout, I popped her bum. Immediate waterworks. I’d never felt so guilty. I've literally cried about it. It wasn’t hard at all and she was wearing a diaper, but that didn’t change anything. She got so many cuddles the next couple days. It worked though. She stopped getting out of bed and was fine the next morning as if nothing happened.
#40 Bad Judgment
I put my quarters underneath the rail of a pool table, the universal sign of reserving the next game. When the game ended, this jerk jumped up, threw his quarters in the game, and started racking the balls. I asked him what he was doing, and as I was a little tipsy I'm sure it wasn't politely asked. He said he was starting the game. I gave him this big, "Who do you think you are cutting the line" spiel. He just looked at me and pointed at the sign-up chalkboard where the next games were tallied. Yeah, I was the jerk that day.
#41 Jerk Behavior
I spent years trying to figure out why I couldn't get a date with anyone. One day, I realized that the people I'd learned the rules of social behavior from, specifically romance, were idiots who got away with a lot because they were attractive and charismatic. As I am neither attractive nor charismatic, people did not find my jerk behavior charming. They just found it... jerk-ish. And rightly so.
#42 Popular Guy Insecurities
When I was younger, I was dating a girl. I was definitely self-absorbed and "confident," which in turn made me a popular guy in school. Well, I was dating this nice girl, and we were walking downtown. She saw one of her friends she hadn't seen in a while and they chatted. She introduced me, then apologized after. I was kind of confused and asked why and she said she shouldn't have talked to him. I did some serious self-reflection about how I viewed her friendships with other guys and sometimes I was kind of a jerk.
#43 Manipulative Streak
I have trouble controlling impulses and detach very easily. I also have a vicious tongue and a manipulative streak. When I'm boxed into a corner I lash out. You can imagine. Yeah, regret always comes after.
#44 Never Say Never
At some point in my early 20s, I was apologizing to my boss and telling him "I promise this won't ever happen again." And then suddenly it hit me: I've been saying that a lot lately.
#45 Pathological White Liar
When I realized I was a pathological white liar trying to get out of menial tasks that would have taken very little time because I was lazy as hell. This was putting a lot of pressure on relationships in my life, but luckily I caught myself before I did irreparable harm to any of them. I'm no longer that way, but I still catch myself on the pattern every now and then and have to train it out all over again
