My freshman year of college I was walking around campus when a very friendly-looking girl waved at me. I’m awkward, so of course, I waved back. The next week, the same thing.
This began the weirdest saga of my life.
For the next two years, we greeted each other as old friends every time we came across the other. She knew my name (somehow?), I never could figure hers out and it was WAY too late to ask. I just pretended I knew who she was and why she knew me.
Finally, I joined the honors program and entered my classes for my thesis. Who should be in this class but mystery girl! I was horrified. I wouldn’t be able to pass it off anymore.
The first day of class we are all sitting there chatting and she greets me by name, again. I had finally learned her name from attendance. Someone asks, finally, “oh, so do you two know each other? Where’d you meet?”
I stare at her. She stares at me. Finally, she breaks down wailing. “I don’t know! I don’t know, okay, we’ve just been waving at each other for two years and it was too late to ask!”
She’s standing in my wedding next spring as one of my bridesmaids and very best friends.
She’s not 100% sure how she learned my name.
Study Breaks #24 When Lying Is Good For Your Health
I told a small lie to a girl I was texting that I love running (I don’t know how it sold because I was fat). Started running the second after I sent that. Five years later I went from 298 to 180.
#23 At Least No One Got Hurt
Somebody thought I was Jewish and I didn’t want to correct them because I hate confrontation. So now everyone in the school thinks I’m Jewish and my homeroom got me a Passover card signed by everyone. My brain told me it was time to stop, but I didn’t want to ruin the thought or the gesture.
#22 A Discount Is A Discount
I became friends with one of the managers at a sandwich shop. One day as I was giving a cashier my order, he told her to give me the same discount as they give to firemen, police, and paramedics, I think. He just chose this discount as it was an easy button to push on the register. Well, this cashier really thought I was a fireman. I’m not. So for the next two years, this cashier gave me the discount. Even if she wasn’t serving me, she would go out of her way to tell the cashier that was helping me. “He’s a fireman, give him the discount.” It snowballed into such an awkward situation that I didn’t know how to get out of it. Luckily that cashier eventually transferred to another store and I now happily pay full price.
#21 They Broke Up, Too…
I was dating a girl and I met her parents. I was a freshman in college seeking my physics degree. When I met her dad, he asked me why in the world I would go into physics when it is a difficult field to get work in. Thinking on the spot I said, “yeah I’ve thought about that too and I’ve decided to switch to mechanical engineering.” Well, I’ll be getting mymechanical engineering degree this May.
#20 See, Lying Isn’t Always Bad
I was homeless, sleeping under a bridge in Charlotte near the music factory. I needed a job so I dressed as best I could, which wasn’t very well, walked into a bar on 7th, and lied about my work experience. They gave me the job, I started working that day. They paid me cash after every shift. I worked there for three years, became the manager, and now I love cooking. Never cooked a day in my life up until that point.
A lady in her 50s who was acting as the kitchen manager trained me. She knew I lied, but she also knew I was in trouble. I couldn’t even cut a tomato. She saved my life. She didn’t tell anyone and kept training me even though sometimes I’d anger her, but I always tried to do better. I got an apartment a month into the job using another cook to call the apartment and let them know how much I get paid cause they wanted that for some reason. I was getting paid $11 under the table so nothing was on record which is why he had to call.
I worked as a line cook immediately. It was overwhelming. I’m not from the city and the work was fast-paced. I would study on my time off by watching YouTube and cooking at home.
#19 Putting Those Debate Skills To Use
My mother was a super control freak, so one of the ways I would avoid home was after school extracurriculars. I got the date wrong on a math team meeting, so I lied to my mom about it while actually attending the debate team intro meeting. I probably didn’t need to lie, but it was always safer to not disrupt her precious schedule. Eventually, debate became a regular activity for me to avoid home.
In 3 years, I was a state semifinalist and in college, I coached the high school national champions and turned that into a free ride for a Master’s degree.
#18 I Don’t Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry…
A good friend of mine did not have an umbrella on a very rainy day. One of her coworkers offered her a lift home. One lift home turned into two, then three, until he was shuttling her to and from work every day for months. This coworker is also a very good baker; he would make these lovely cakes and pastries and offer them to her which she politely took every day. Then one afternoon, on her way home, he stops and picks up his parents. He happily introduces her as his girlfriend. She was shocked by this title, to say the least. They proceeded to invite her to a family gathering over the long weekend to meet everyone. His parents, they were so nice, she accepted because she didn’t have the heart to embarrass the guy. She went to the gathering, met with other family members and he kept introducing her as his girlfriend. She never worked up the nerve to correct or stop him. Long story short they are now married.
#17 He Was(n’t) A Skater Boy
I moved to a new city when I was in 6th grade, and on the same day I started, two other boys started, and they both knew how to skateboard, so I lied and said I did too. Then, for months, I lied about being able to skateboard to them and other kids at the school, and I never came clean because I didn’t want anyone to call me a poser. So I bought skater boy clothes, and a skateboard and learned how to skateboard because I lied about knowing how to skateboard. Still skating since then. I’m 27 now.
#16 Ian The Actor
An electrician came and priced up a job at our rental property.
He greeted me with: “Hi, Ian! I’ve come to price some work up.” I replied, “Yep, that’s me.”
My name is not Ian; it’s not even close to Ian. I was too British to correct him with his error, so I just went along with it. It’s not the worst lie I’ve ever come out with.
In my head, I’m thinking at worst the guy is just going to call me Ian again when he leaves.
He was in my flat for a good 20 minutes, calling me Ian during conversations we had. Not once did I correct him, just stayed in character as Ian.
Weeks went by and he eventually came back to do the work at the flat. My wife and I had the day off, I had forgotten about the whole Ian thing until that day, so I explained to her that if she talked to me that day to call me Ian. It’s just easier.
#15 Kevin, Is That You?
This is one that doesn’t bother me. I had a coworker with memory issues or dementia and he called me Kevin once in awhile (not my name, obviously). It made me laugh, and one of my coworkers started calling me Kevin and telling new employees that’s my name. This was 3 years ago and it is still going.
At the same time, I told my son who thought it was hilarious, and somehow it morphed into me calling him Kevin, and my cat too. So I would yell downstairs, “Kevin, is Kevin down there?” My son told his best friend, and they started calling each other Kevin. Now when I see my son’s friend I call him Kevin. for this story to come full circle, my son and his friend came to my office and I introduced them as my son Kevin and his friend Kevin.
Also, my sister now calls my son Kevin.
Living in a college town, every year around spring graduation there’s one or two, “I’m here to see my kid graduate, but I haven’t been able to locate them,” families. Usually, kids that stopped going, pocketed their parents’ money, and/or just gave up and couldn’t handle telling the family.
It ends sadly sometimes.
That’s a big lie to deal with and maintain. It almost always comes to a head.
#13 If Only This Worked For Everyone
I’m from a small town and was super worried and anxious about how college would go. After move-in day, everyone on our floor had to go around saying our major and what we wanted to do occupation-wise. I was 4th to go.
The first three people say, doctor, lawyer, surgeon. I’m convinced at this point that everyone in college was way smarter than me and had their life together.
Anyway, I blank, blurt out “economics” as my major, then say “professor” because it was the best thing I thought you could do with that.
So now I’m in my 2nd year of a Ph.D. program because I just never found a good reason to change from my RA meeting as a freshman.
#12 Sweet Gerry
Not me, but my dad. We moved and he was convinced the postman’s name was “Ger,” as in short for Gerry. He greeted him by it nearly every day for about 10 years. We even gave him a Christmas card which he displayed down in the sorting office.
Fast forward and we have a temporary postman, my mom asking him after a few weeks, “When is Ger coming back?” This was met with stunned silence and a puzzled look, with a resounding “Who is Ger? No one works in the locality by that name.”
Turns out, his name is Declan and he was too nice to correct my dad for close to a decade.
#11 Who Doesn’t Like Lavender?
Once my boyfriend’s mom asked me if I liked their bathroom soap. It’s lavender, I don’t like lavender. But I decided to tell her, “I love it, it smells so good!”
Now I have an endless supply. She buys me some all the time. It’s too sweet to tell her the truth, so I just keep it to myself and use the mediocre-smelling soap.
Oh well, this is how I live now.
#10 I Wish I Was Famous
When I was 14 years old I played with a group of other kids on stage during the 2008 Hawaii International Ukulele Festival. Jack Johnson was performing and we were behind him strumming along. Hundreds of us. This story has turned so thoroughly into “I played on stage side-by-side with him, just the two of us,” that I can’t correct people anymore and just shamefully accept the “oohs” and “ahhs” when it gets retold.
#9 My Brother Can Beat Up Your Brother
People picked on my brother in high school for getting jumped by some wannabe “blood” thugs in the bathroom. Popular thugs, if you can believe it. It was relentless. His confidence and any friendships were crushed, because, you know, people can’t be seen with the loser.
One day I was confronted by said thugs, basically talking smack about my brother, and in my infinite wisdom, I said I could box so they better back off. Something to that effect. Looking back, I cringe, but you do what you have to.
Needless to say, they did not back off. Somehow, I landed a punch on one of the kids that dislocated his jaw. Like, flapping around like a mouthpiece hanging from a football helmet.
I became the kid who could “box” but never wanted to fight, which I guess gave me credibility. I don’t really know. Everyone and their hyena came to me asking where they could learn said boxing skills, how I’d learned by 16, all that crap. I’d wanted to just come out and say I had been lucky, but I didn’t want anyone to give my brother trouble again. So the lie stayed.
Luckily, no one ever picked on my brother afterward, and I did eventually learn some boxing fundamentals, but mostly because I felt like I was living a lie. Which I was. As a man, I have not had to keep up the facade.
#8 Fake It ‘Til You Make It
“Yeah, I’d say I’m pretty strong with Excel.”
No. No, I wasn’t.
And now I’m an analyst at a Fortune 400 company.
#7 I Mean, They Sound Pretty Good
When I was little, my grandma would make me these horrible frozen chicken tenders filled with cheese. They were just awful. Because I am a good grandson, I told her that I loved them. From then on, every time that I visited her, she would cook me those abominations. Even when I was in graduate school, I would go visit her and for one meal, I would have to slide those gross things down my gullet.
Every time I would say, “Thanks! I love them!” The things we do for love…
#6 Hopefully He’s Not Running A Power Plant Or Something
I was looking for a job and I didn’t want to be a fast food manager anymore, so I fluffed out my resume with computer skills I didn’t have. I was contacted by a recruiter who asked me some questions to gauge my abilities and I straight Googled the answers as he was asking. When I went to the interview, the boss had all of these circuit boards sitting all over his desk. I recognized them as Raspberry PIs from Reddit. So I asked what he was using them for. The rest of the interview was just this guy bragging about all of these projects he had going on. He might as well have been speaking Greek. I just feigned interest and said “wow” a lot. I’m hired. Who knows how this happened but I have literally Googled every problem I have been given. Day 543, they still think I know what I’m doing. I’m making 1.5 times what I was making as a manager. I have a GED.
#5 At Least It Wasn’t A Goose
I told my parents I bought a duck when I was 20 to tease them. I found a picture online of one and sent it to them. Sadly, they believed me. They got overly excited about their “grand-duck” and told my whole family. I ended up buying a duck…
#4 How To Handle Peer Pressure
Wasn’t a drinker in high school so to shut down peer pressure I told them I was born with half a liver and drinking anything could make me very sick or kill me.
The lie just became natural and followed me to college. Was out with some friends playing pool and decided to have a beer. When I came back, a buddy slapped it out of my hand thinking I was suicidal. Then the explanations began…
#3 That’s Not Funny…
A new coworker of mine tried downplaying his birthday and eventually after me hounding him about why he didn’t like celebrating, he eventually told me in confidence that his best friend was killed on his birthday and he hates thinking about it. Fast forward 8 years, this guy and I had become really good friends. Best friends. Lived together at one point. He was accepted into my friend group and I always made sure to downplay his birthday (his birthday is 4 days after another friend) so we just did a group thing and never made a big deal about it. Finally, someone got brave enough and wanted to talk to him about it, and he laughed and had no recollection of telling me that, and said he was probably just screwing with me. He always wondered why no one wished him a happy birthday.
#2 The Original Catfish
When I was 12 years old, I lied about my age and made myself older for about 3 years so I could still be somewhat cool in
WoW. Now some of my WoW friends settled over with me to other games, and whenever I meet someone new, they’re likely connected to them. At this point, it’s too awkward to explain that I’m not the oldest, but in fact the youngest in our friend group.
#1 Hopefully He Remembers How To Do His Job
I moved to a new city and got a new dentist. For some reason, the guy thinks I used to see him at his old practice in a town I’ve never lived in. I corrected him a couple times, but he just keeps bringing it up, so now I just kind of roll with it. He asks after my parents, which is easy enough… but we’ve had all kinds of conversations about local restaurants I’ve never been to and other random stuff like that.