People Share The Most Stupid Thing They’ve Heard A Person Say In Public
Some people have no sense of what is proper to say or do in a given place. They will often do things that others consider disrespectful or rude in public: churches, restaurants, someone’s home… Observers often have no response to such a display; they just sit in quiet shock and wonder what on earth the person was thinking to act in such a manner.
Were they raised by animals? Didn’t their parents teach them any manners at all? The stories below describe a time when one person was surprised at what a stranger said in public, loud enough for all to hear… in a public place, no less! Hopefully, the stories below will prove to be just entertaining for our readers, and won’t sound too familiar.
#1 Gathering Medical History
I am an ER nurse, so I ask a lot about medical history and current meds.
Me: “What medical problems do you have?”
Me: “Do you take any prescription or over the counter meds on a daily basis?”
Patient: “Yes, my blood pressure pill and Lasix.”
Me: “…So you have high blood pressure and heart failure?”
Patient: “No I don’t.”
Me: “So what are the medications for?”
Patient: “My blood pressure and heart failure, duh.”
#2 Just Shake The Internet Clean
I went to college in a small town and every Thursday, they would have a mobile DMV. When I had to get my license renewed, they were having trouble with the internet. The woman in charge instructed the other woman working there to “shake out all the wires because sometimes the information gets clogged up in them.”
A few years ago, my wife and I overheard a conversation between two people (man and woman) at the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles. While looking at a model of the moon, the woman asked why it had craters all over it, yet the Earth had none. The dude said, dead serious, that it’s because the moon catches all the meteors… since that’s what it’s apparently for.
#4 Faux Veganism
Him: “I’m vegan but I still eat chicken and turkey. So can I get the Cuban (a sandwich with pulled pork and ham) made with turkey instead of the ham?”
Me: “Sure, so do you want me to take the pulled pork off? Or make it with double turkey?”
Him: “No, leave that on.”
Me: (visible confusion) “Okay?…”
He comes back later with his lady all mad saying he wants a new sandwich because he didn’t know pulled pork was from pig and he doesn’t eat pig because he’s vegan. I also forgot to mention the sandwich comes with cheese. He didn’t complain about that part.
#5 Not The True Outback
I went on a date and spent the whole time really trying to get to know this girl.
Me: “What kind of food is your favorite?”
Girl: “I really like Australian food.”
Me: “Oh, like, throw another shrimp on the barby?”
Girl: “No, like real Australian food. Like the food they have at the Outback”
The girl genuinely thought the Outback Steakhouse served authentic Australian food.
#6 White House VS Capitol
When I worked in Congress, I frequently gave tours of the Capitol. As I was wrapping up the tour, one of the constituents asked me to explain the difference between the Capitol and the White House. Okay sure, not everyone is knowledgable about the American government. I gave them a quick explanation and figured it would be sufficient. Nope, I was clearly mistaken. I then proceeded to listen to this person loudly proclaim that I was incorrect, since “the White House is the same the thing as the Capitol.”
#7 Crust Baked Separately
I heard two girls talking about baking. One of them said she wanted to try baking bread at home but she didn’t know how to make the crust of the bread. She also said she was thinking about baking the crust only because she liked it more than the rest of the bread. She truly thought that the crust was made separately.
#8 Italy: No Longer In Europe
I’ve probably heard worse at some point, but I remember sitting in a Starbucks on campus and this girl was telling a guy about her trip to Italy. At one point, the guy goes, “So where do you want to go next?” and she says, “I’ve never been to Europe before so hopefully that.” Based on the rest of the conversation I overheard, I think she thought Europe was a country.
#9 The True Story Of Nemo
Girl: “Do fish sleep?”
Me: “Of course they do.”
Her: “Yeah, they sleep in Finding Nemo, so they must.
Me: “That’s a cartoon…”
Her: “Yeah but it’s based on a true story!”
#10 Moving Beneath The Clouds
My friend’s wife asked why we needed meteorologists if the earth rotates under the clouds? When I asked her what she meant, she thought the clouds stayed in the same spot and the Earth just moved under them. She thought we’d see the same weather when we caught back up to certain clouds. I just shook my head and told her that’s not how it works…
#11 Legitimately Chinese
My cousin is a good guy, but he doesn’t think before he talks. One time we were at this event and the guy speaking, a caucasian guy, gave a shoutout to his son. My cousin looked at the kid and said, “Wow that kid’s legitimately Chinese!” Yes, people can adopt kids or have interracial marriages, what a concept! Needless to say, I pretended like I didn’t know him for a while.
#12 What Are Millenials?
My gym just refinished the men’s locker room. It came out that there would only be personal showers, not communal ones. I overheard two gentlemen in their 60s or 70s. “This is all because of the millennials,” one of them said. “What are millennials?” asked the second gentlemen. “Younger people. You know they’ve never been in the Army or Navy!”
#13 Not Cool, Dude
At the Holocaust Museum, I was taking an elevator to the top floor. It was pretty crowded in there since it was a weekend. A middle-aged man with dumb sunglasses loudly exclaimed, “IS THIS THE PART WHERE THEY GAS US?!” Our guide, who was giving us a preface of the museum then went totally silent. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard someone say aloud in a public setting.
#14 It’s In The Name
I took my dad to see one of his favorite musicals a few years ago. We were sat in the stalls near the back, and at the interval, I was dying to use the bathroom, so as soon as the curtain came down, I hopped into the line. A woman and her daughter, who was sitting in front of us, joined the line behind me and were discussing the show. The daughter said, “It’s good and all that, but I just want to tell them to stop being so miserable and to cheer up.” We were watching Les Miserables.
#15 Mixing Countries And Languages
I was walking through Geneva airport behind an American mother and child. We walked under a sign that said, “Departures: goodbye, au revior, ciao, guten tag, sayonara, etc. The child asked, “Mom, what does guten tag mean?” The mother replied, “I don’t know, they don’t speak French in Switzerland.” I can’t even begin to describe what’s wrong with that.
#16 Correcting The Teacher’s Terminology
My son’s substitute teacher last week pulled a pretty stupid move. My son raised his hand to answer a question, saying “Native Americans,” and the teacher told him, “That’s incorrect. They’re called Indians.” We are both registered Comanche Nation members. He corrected the teacher once, politely and was told the same thing. Needless to say, I was at the office the next morning asking the principal what she thought about this. She took care of it. Quickly. The next day, they had a lesson on the correct terminology.
#17 Squeaky Belly
I once overheard a group of girls on the bus trying to make their voices all distorted and squeaky with helium balloons. I couldn’t see what they were doing since they were sitting behind me but I could hear what was going on.
Girl 1: “Okay, do it!”
Girl 2: “Okay, hang on.”
Girl 1: “How is it? Say something!”
Girl 2: “I can’t. Nothing’s happening.”
Girl 3: “What? Are you sure you’re inhaling it properly?”
Girl 2: “Yeah, you’re supposed to take big gulps right?”
Girl 3: “Yeah, then let the big gulps of helium go through your airway.”
“Girl 2: “Oh. I swallowed them. Like, swallowed them into my stomach. Why isn’t it working though?”
Girl 1: “Ugh you idiot.”
#18 Standing In It
I used to be a greeter at a very large and famous museum that was well known for its architecture. People would reach the top of the museum after exiting the tram. My number one question from visitors was where the bathroom. I got asked that so frequently that it automatically became part of my welcome speech.
To my surprise, I got a set of young girls who announced to me that they were taking an architecture course in college and were wondering if I would help. Being so happy to get a smart question, I happily obliged. “Where’s the architecture?” they asked. I was so dumbfounded, but I managed to squeeze out that they were standing in it. I think they missed the first lecture that day.
#19 A Pink Ferrari Or None At All
I worked in an extremely rich neighborhood on Chicago’s north shore. The local high school is where Mean Girls was based on. One day, I went into Starbucks for lunch and two high school girls were talking in line. One of them said, “I think I’m just going to ask my dad to return it. If I can’t have a pink Ferrari, I seriously don’t think I want one at all.” The other girl said, “I don’t know, I don’t think the gray is that bad…”
#20 Not Just A Twitter Thing
I was in my computing class a couple of weeks ago, during the government shutdown. My teacher for the class is a government employee—I don’t know what he does, but he was upset because he was out of work because of the government shutdown. This chick at the table next to me said, “That’s real? I thought that was just a Twitter thing.” How are you so oblivious to the world around you?
#21 Drinking For The Baby
I was on the subway in Boston when a pregnant woman was chatting with her friend. The friend asked why she was drinking the brand of bottled water called Smart Water. Her response was, “Duh, I want my baby to be smart so I don’t have to have to pay for college. I’m drinking this so she’ll be smart enough to go for free.” I wish I could say she was kidding…
#22 Mammals And Milk
On the radio on the way to work, a lady called in asking about cows and milking. She and the radio hosts didn’t believe that a cow had to be pregnant or have a calf to be milked. So I went to work, flabbergasted that this wasn’t common knowledge, and told a coworker the story. My coworker then said, “Wait, they don’t constantly produce milk?”
I replied, “Dude, you have a child. Are you still producing milk or was it only while you had your baby?” This led to me furiously asking every other coworker if they knew that fact about cows. “Wait, cows have to have a baby before they produce milk???” I’ve heard stupider things, but this is the most recent that comes to mind.
#23 Third Before Second
I was leaving the theater after having watched Fellowship of the Ring and I overheard a guy tell his friend: “I don’t get it, how come it ended just like that?” The friend replied, “Tolkien wrote the third already but he’s still working on the second.” Even I had to think about it for a second to decide whether his statement made sense or not.
#24 Batteries Are Not Electric?
We were playing forehead detectives but objects were allowed as well. I was a remote controller because I had lost mine a couple of days ago and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I asked, “Is it an electronic device?” and everyone said yes except one person. “But it has batteries, it’s not plugged in!” Not only did she spoil it for me, but she was also really stupid at that moment.
#25 Must Be D.B. Cooper’s Sister
I was at a local park that had an old single-engine plane just kind of rusting away in the woods next to a trail. I was walking behind a couple of women and overheard the following conversation
W1: “Where do you think the plane came from?”
W2: “I’m pretty sure that is Phoebe Cooper’s plane?”
W1: “Phoebe Cooper?”
W2: “Yeah, that lady who robbed a bank and then hijacked a plane and got away.”
W1: “Wow, that’s so crazy!”
#26 Cave Sauce
There are a series of caves at Mt. Timpanogos, which require a ranger tour to protect the caves and visitors. You hike up the trail, take the tour in groups of 12, and hike back down. I’ve been there a few times, the caves have pretty awesome formations. The hike also generally dissuades lazy tourists. At the start of one trek, my sister, my brother-in-law, and I immediately got an odd vibe from a family that filled the rest of our group.
For one, the caves have lighting, so they asked visitors not to use flash photography, as it can blind the guide and cause accidents. As the ranger was explaining this, they continually flashed pictures straight at him. He was blinking and restating, “So if you could please turn off your flash…” and it took them a full 90 seconds of this to finally connect the dots.
The caves consist of one space with brilliant rocks is nicknamed “The Spaghetti Room.” The stalactites look similar to noodles, and the magnesium gives splotches of red sheen. As the ranger was explaining this, a group member ventured the best, most distressed interruption of the entire trip, “Wait, is that real spaghetti sauce?” This was over 10 years ago and my entire family continues to say it. I’ll never forget the patience of that ranger.
#27 No More Elephants
“Wait, elephants don’t exist anymore…?” I was telling a group of girls about a new baby elephant at the zoo and one of the girls didn’t believe me. She thought woolly mammoths and elephants were the same and had been extinct since the Ice Age. I told her they were endangered but she didn’t know what that meant either.
#28 Instructions To Boiling Water
I kid you not.
I almost laughed if not for the look on her face. I asked if she had a hotplate or microwave. With a hotplate, I told her to take a pot, fill it with water and turn the hotplate to high. In five or so minutes, the water would boil. I gave her the best, basic instructions I could. Poor thing had obviously never been made to do anything in her life. She was no doubt in for a very rude awakening.
#29 Right To Bear Nukes
I was eating at some restaurant several years back and I heard this. A grandmother, daughter, and boyfriend were discussing military weapons. I overheard the daughter, who was extremely overweight, say, “If the military can have nukes, then US citizens should be able to have nukes! We should be able to have any weapon the government has. It’s in the second amendment.” I was dumbfounded by this stupid that comment was.
#30 Salt Is Full Of Sodium?
I was with my wife at a well-known, all-in-one retailer when we passed by two young women in the spice aisle. They had to be in their late teens or early twenties. One of them picked up a grinder full of pink Himalayan sea salt and began reading the nutritional information. She then commented to her friend, “Oh my god, look at how much sodium is in here!” We hurried out of the aisle to avoid snickering in front of them, but not before catching the eye of her friend. Her face was one of embarrassment.
#31 The Absolute Worst Answer
I was in a briefing about assault prevention. The O-6 asked us, “If a female subordinate approached with allegations of assault or harassment in the workplace what would you do?” A Staff Sergeant with zero cares to give raised his hand and said, “Sir, I gotta be honest. I wouldn’t believe her…” The whole room went silent and we watched the O-6 burn a hole through this guy with his eyes. The O-6 then said, “That is the worst possible answer you can give me, people.”
#32 Raining From On High
My mom, a high school Physics and Chemistry teacher, was standing under the Bass Pro Shops pyramid and saw a leak dripping from near the top. She looked to my brothers and me and said, “Be careful, I bet it’s falling really fast since it’s that high up, you could get hurt.” I turned slowly to her and said, “Mom… You do remember that rain exists… Right?” She still hasn’t lived that down.
#33 Graphing Growing Genes
One time, I was asking my friend, who is 6 feet, 9 inches tall, why he’s so tall as a joke. He looked me in the eye, 100% serious and said, “Because I have an extra Y chromosome,” I was confused and asked how that works. He went on to explain that Y chromosomes make you taller and the X ones make you wider. Like the X and the Y axis on a graph. We are both seniors in high school.
#34 Sustainable Beef
I grew up on a cattle farm. A woman about 15 years older than me asked, “After you cut off the meat from the cow, how long will it take until it grows back so you can cut more?” I wish so badly that she was messing with me. She was not. She really thought the beef was sustainable. I didn’t know how to break the concept of slaughterhouses to her.
#35 The Whites Are Vegan
I was standing in line at my university’s dining hall for breakfast at the omelet station. I got one every morning so I’d usually chat with the cook while we waited. Behind me, there were two girls that we jokingly categorized as “egg whites, no cheese” girls. One of them said… “Wait, aren’t you going vegan now? You can’t have eggs.” To which the other girl replied. “No, it’s okay if you just eat the egg whites, the yellow is the baby chicken.” This was at a high-tier university. Daddy’s money was going down the drain.
#36 Winds Of Chaos
In an airplane, I was behind two females when the pilot said the wind was from West-Northwest at 40 mph. One of the girls said, “Does that mean the wind is blowing left, then right, then left again?” The real kicker was when the other girl responded with, “Well, if you’re laying on a map, I’d say it would be right, then left, then right.” They then debated it until I busted up laughing so hard I farted. Funniest conversation I’ve ever heard on an airplane.
#37 Dinosaurs Aren’t Real
“My kid loves dinosaurs. It’s going to be hard to tell her that they weren’t real.”
“But they were. They’re just extinct.”
“Uh… no. They’re just storybook creatures, like dragons.”
“No. We have fossils.”
“Those are just statues. I can’t believe you thought they were real. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who actually believes in dinosaurs before.”
#38 Nevada Secession
An in-law ex-con once said, “I want to go to Las Vegas.” I replied, “You can’t go to the states with your criminal past.” She became upset and yelled, “Good thing Las Vegas is in Nevada, and not the United States!” Well, things just got terribly awkward when her mom had to explain that Nevada was one of those fancy things called a state; one that she wasn’t allowed in.
#39 Regular Jalapeños
I worked at a popular pizza place in Houston.
Customer: “I would like jalapeños too. Me: Ok. Fresh or pickled?”
Customer: “I don’t know, the regular ones.”
Me: “Okay, fresh.”
Customer: “Why are you making this so difficult? What’s the difference between fresh and pickled?”
Me: “Well, one is straight from the ground, and one is from the ground then pickled.”
#40 Month For The Conquerors
There was a girl that stood up in a Sociology class at my university to ask a question. It was after they just finished up a discussion of black history month. She asked, “Why don’t we have a white history month?” The professor replied, “What do you mean?” She continued on, saying, “I mean, we conquered an entire race.” There was confusion, laughter, disgust, embarrassment, and all sorts of other emotions mixed in that room at once. Some people even started yelling at her, while throwing rolled-up paper balls at her. The professor didn’t allow more questions and dismissed the class. She dropped the class.
#41 New Mexico Is Not Old Mexico
Shortly after 9/11, my wife and I were in the UK. On the way home, the customs officer at the airport was dead serious.
Officer: “Are you a US citizen?”
Officer: “It says here you were born in New Mexico. So when did you become a US Citizen?”
Wife: “At birth. New Mexico is in the US.”
Officer: “No it isn’t. It’s in Mexico. That’s why it has Mexico in the name.”
I nudged her because I could sense in her tone that she was starting to get really irritated. I did not want to mess with these customs patrol guys. After a bit of bickering back and forth, the customs patrol officer said, “You don’t want to pick a fight with me. Calm down and we’ll get this settled.” He walked away for a bit, talked to his coworker, then came back and said, “Okay, you’re free to go. My wife and I looked at each other, and we both knew he had just been corrected. We never did get a sorry from him.
#42 Different Does Not Mean Irish
I was in Perth, Australia on working holiday. I only had a few months left so I was working as a cashier in a supermarket (IGA). I had several older ladies compliment me on my Irish accent, even though I’m American. When I corrected one lady who said to her friend, “That’s a great example of an Irish accent,” she tried to argue that my family must be Irish or that I hung around with or lived near a lot of Irish. Elderly women of WA: Just because I sound different than you, doesn’t mean I’m Irish.
#43 No Power On This Street
While on a walk through their neighborhood, my sister-in-law said, “Oh, I feel so sorry for the people that live on this block.” When asked why, she replied, in a manner of fact tone, “Because… They don’t have power. See, the sign says ‘no outlets!'” She didn’t understand why everyone burst out laughing until someone explained that it was a cul de sac. We love her, but she’s a total airhead.
#44 Forget Maths!
My math teacher (who is also my grammar teacher), once came into class. Last week she told us that we were going to have an exam, so, she came in and yelled, “Everybody, put that stuff away, I don’t care about math, it’s useless.” We laughed. She didn’t. Ten minutes later, she realized, that she was a math teacher too. She just went out and we had an hour off.
#45 Buying Baby Oil
I was shopping with my spouse after our child was born. We were in the baby aisle. She picked up a bottle of baby oil, which prompted me to ask aloud, “Wait. Baby oil is actually for babies?” A woman who had been walking into the aisle laughed audibly and immediately walked away. My spouse looked at me and asked, “Was it something I said?”