Have you ever met someone who brags about the most unimpressive things ever? You know, the type of person who takes even the most minor of "achievements" and makes them out to be the biggest deal in the world? Well, people from around the world took to the internet to share their cringe-worthy stories of excessive boasting by friends, relatives, and strangers alike. From coworkers bragging about the amount of sleep they get every night to parents bragging about how "special" their kids are, these terrible tales will surely give you second-hand embarrassment.
Don't forget to check the comment section below the article for more interesting stories!
#1 Cookbook Collector
If we get tipsy together at my house, I will definitely end up showing off my cookbooks. I've got a Good Housekeeping cookbook from the '70s that I love to show off because it's full of horrible gelatin mold recipes and things like scrambled brains. Plus it has a huge section on how to set tables for different types of parties, including modifications for different numbers of servants.
#2 A Disgraceful Boast
Someone bragged that they hadn’t cheated on their girlfriend in six months. It was like he expected me to pat him on the back for not cheating on me. He kept saying things like, "They were so hot and so into me! I could've definitely hooked up with them, but I didn't! You should be so proud of me!" Um, I'm not proud of you. He even got angry when we called him a serial cheater.
#3 That's A Little Awkward
I've got a friend who often brags about his hot cousin... freaking weird dude. Acknowledgment is one thing, but bragging about a hot cousin like she's some sort of trophy whenever the subject of significant others comes up is another. There's definitely a line where it gets creepy. But I do enjoy the "innocent" bragging my brother and I do.
#4 Bragging About Being Average
I get it that people who have kids love them unconditionally and are proud of everything they do, and they should be. However, this one popped up on Facebook a couple of months ago and it made me shake my head. One of my best friend's wives (who is as bad as a helicopter parent as you can be) wrote a solid page bragging about her son's doctor visit and how he was outpacing all his peers in growth. Then she proceeded to post that he was in the 50th percentile for his age. SHE BRAGGED THAT HE WAS THE LITERAL DEFINITION OF AVERAGE! It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't such a long ranting post about it.
#5 IQ Is Meaningless
I actually knew a girl in high school who bragged about being a genius because she had an IQ of 100. She was awful. I honestly think the school might have administered it to her to see if she needed to be in special-ed. She was really something else. I'm surprised it was actually 100. It goes to show IQ is a pretty meaningless statistic.
Parent here. I get being proud of your kids, but a lot of parents take it way too far. Unfortunately, I hear this kind of bragging a lot because my kids are in a wealthy school district. Most of the parents at my kids' school make way more money than we do, and it seems like the richer they are, the more convinced they are that their children are special little geniuses.
Most of the kids are good kids who are, so far, oblivious to the fact that their parents think they're the next Einstein, but some of the kids are coddled, entitled little brats who walk around acting like royalty, forming little cliques and such. I'm sick of trying to explain to my 7-year-old daughter why some kid she was friends with last year has suddenly started treating her like dirt. All because the other kid's parents have this whole "our stuff doesn't stink" attitude that is starting to rub off on their kids.
#7 Serious About Omelets
My brother insists he makes the greatest omelets known to man and actually gets somewhat aggressive if he's challenged on it. Fry minced chorizo, onions, and green peppers until meat is browned and onions are translucent. Add three eggs, tabasco, and a little chili powder, salt, then make an omelet the usual way. Top with cilantro and a squirt of lime juice. If you have to go to work, wrap it in a corn tortilla with some hollandaise sauce and eat it in the car.
#8 Not Oprah
I went to school with a guy who went to a taping of The Jerry Springer Show, and he wound up being one of the audience members who got to ask a question to one of the guests that Springer was profiling. He then proceeded to brag nonstop for weeks thereafter about getting on-camera and being on TV. He apparently thought that it was some big break or indicator of success or something. He got really mad one of the times he was going on about this and one of the people in the room responded, "Who cares? It's freakin' Springer, it's not like you were on Oprah or something good."
#9 Comparing Problems
People who brag about how hard their life is. My manager at work always brags about how she had to drive an hour to work for a year and how she has four kids to take care of. She’s one of those story toppers. Like, “Well, this happened to me, so your reason for complaining is invalid.” It's especially annoying when she brags to someone who has actually had a difficult time in life but doesn't talk about it. Definitely cringeworthy.
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#10 He's No Olympian
My friend often brags that he is one of the best hammer throwers (sorry if that's wrong, don't know the word) in our country, but he came second out of two people. Then, when there were more people in the competition, he came in last place.
#11 Bragging About Responsibilities
He bragged about taking care of his kids. You aren’t supposed to brag about something you should do. Whenever I hear a guy brag about how good a dad he is, I'm immediately convinced he's a terrible dad and probably an annoying person to be around. You're not babysitting your children, you're pulling your freaking weight. Co-parenting isn't the woman doing 90% and you "giving her the night off."
#12 My Superior Immune System
"I don't get sick." Literally everyone I know during flu season says this. I have a coworker like that. She likes to mention whenever possible that she hasn't been sick since she started working here four years ago. What she actually means is "I've never called in sick in four years" because she HAS been sick but decided to come to work anyway.
Like last year, during flu season when she was at work, she was coughing, sniffing and downing flu medicine left, right, and center. After a few days of working next to her, my throat started to feel weird... I developed a nasty cough and had the sniffles. When I dared to mention it was because of her, she shut me down quickly because she never gets sick!
Don't get me wrong, she's actually a really nice, intelligent person; but somehow she has got it in her head to be proud of never having missed a day of work because of sickness. And this is in Germany, where we have almost unlimited sick days and no one bats an eye if you take one week off of the year because of the flu.
#13 Too Much Information
I once overheard a guy wearing Tapout gear brag about the "wipe job" he had just completed, as he exited the stall in the men's room. I'm assuming, and I know what they say about that, he was braggadocious about his own sanitation performance on his personal backside after successfully completing a bowel movement. Then, he didn't wash his hands afterward. Literally disgusting.
#14 Bad Behavior
Being rude to the police, telling their doctor off, giving their professor the finger during their lecture... She even bragged to me that she spit on the EMT in the back of a freaking ambulance. People seem to love giving a hard time to people who are just doing their job and trying to help other people live their lives... Like, are we supposed to be impressed that she still acts like an angsty pre-teen?
#15 Fake War Stories
Obviously fake war stories. No grandpa, you didn't bail out of an airplane over France, get your parachute stuck in a tree, then get rescued by a submarine. That doesn't even make sense. I feel like vets have gotten pressured to have more interesting war stories than they actually did both by society and other vets. It's the ones who don't talk about their stories are the interesting ones.
#16 Inspired By Sherlock
My first boyfriend bragged about being a sociopath, just like his hero, Sherlock. He also used the sociopath excuse to justify him treating me like human garbage. Do I think he actually was one? No. He was just a big old jerk. I can't stand people who self-identify as sociopaths because they saw it on Sherlock and think that it would allow them to be rude to everyone. It happens more often than you'd think.
#17 Far From A Humble Brag
Getting the highest grade in her AP History class. That was three years ago, Grace, and you're a junior in college now. Like dang, have you done nothing even slightly notable since then? Bragging about high school in college is painful. Especially grades. Like, we all got in here and the slate is now clean. The fact that you took so-and-so number of AP classes or whatever is not relevant in a conversation outside of your advising meetings.
#18 We Get It, You're Sporty
People who still brag about doing certain sports or receiving various sports achievements in high school are super annoying, especially if they didn’t even stick to them afterward. I have a friend who always talks about the time when she did three sports in high school. Now, she doesn’t do anything, and she's totally unfit. Yet, all her other friends go to the gym.
#19 Good For You, Man
A guy that used to work for my father would brag all the time. We had to go on a small trip together for business. I was only about 20 at the time, and he was in his late 40s. Driving back to my place after a meeting, we decided to stop at a little bar on the side of the road. He danced with a woman and later would not stop bragging about it on our way home.
I know a guy who was born into a gigantic trust fund. His parents pay for everything and gave him a “job” in their family business. He constantly brags about the life he “established” for himself. As if he did anything to earn his huge house, luxury cars, etc. I think the absence of wealth makes us all appreciate it more. If your parents are super wealthy but raise you to be like everyone else, by teaching how to fend for yourself. you’ll be more humble and appreciative of the wealth because you already know how to live without it. As a result, you’re less likely to mismanage the wealth.
#21 Comparing Illnesses
As someone in the chronic illness community, the most annoying thing people brag about is how they are sicker than anyone else. It's like, "You dislocated your shoulder? I dislocated my shoulder, hip, kneecap, and passed out from low blood pressure all at the same time!" When someone who doesn't have a chronic illness complains to me about pain, I just say "I completely understand. I'm sorry that you're hurting." Then I ask if there's anything I can do because my work locker has braces, Icy Hot, and Tylenol in it.
#22 Reverse Psychology
Some random dude out with his friends was bragging: "I learned how to be a great liar from my parents! I can lie convincingly about anything!" Honestly, The best liars always say they're bad at lying. It's a smart move when you think about it. I dated a dude who said he was terrible at lying. You were not, Jacob, you were actually very good at it.
#23 You're Not Welcome Here
There was an obnoxious guy who briefly would go clubbing at the same places as my friend group. He was always inserting himself uninvited into the conversation and attempting to one-up whatever the topic at hand was. One of my friends, who was a female, refused to call him by name and started calling him out on his lies. He stopped showing up shortly after that.
#24 First World Problems
Having recently graduated from college as a biology major, I can safely say that pre-med students love to brag about how horrible their lives are. It’s honestly a competition sometimes. Oh, you didn’t get any sleep last night? I’ll have you know I haven’t slept all week and I missed my sister’s wedding to study for a lab quiz! I heard it was lovely! They take so much pride in having the worst life.
#25 Fancifying Olive Garden
I know this guy, who considers himself a bit of a well-traveled dandy. He was bragging to me about how he had a layover at Newark airport after coming back from a "holiday" in England, which was ever so fun... He was like, "Yeah, and I went to this restaurant in Times Square... Best pasta ever. It was called Olive Garden." Very fascinating guy. I think he is by far the most sophisticated of his friend group, so he thinks he is super suave and cool.
#26 Leave Me Alone, Janet
I work with a guy that's been out of college for six years, and he still has his high school GPA on his resume... At this point, nobody even gives a heck what you did in college. Give it up. Multiple people have given me crazed looks when I say I've thrown away my high school diploma. I'm 37, Janet, no one is going to ask me to prove I graduated high school ever again!
#27 Peaking Too Early
Any time someone says something like, "You guys all changed since high school. I'm pretty much the same." I've heard people say that and they think it makes them cool or enviable. In reality, it's an admission that you peaked in high school and makes you look like an absolute child. Who the heck wants to be the same loser they were in their mid-teens?
#28 Diva Pride
She constantly brags about being a princess. And no, I don’t mean she’s royalty, but she was bragging about being a high-maintenance diva. She won’t eat certain things, she doesn’t wear certain fabrics, and if it’s not a fancy brand, she doesn’t want it. Whoever dates her also has to pamper her. She’s single and in her 40s (not that that’s bad, but in her case, it’s for a good reason).
#29 The One-Up To Shut Up
I've had a few people try to brag about graduating cum laude. I just nod and mention that I graduated magna cum laude. They change the conversation. I don't give a heck—I did well in college, yay for me, that was the point. I don't need to mention it unless they're mentioning it.
#30 You Do You
My two favorites: The "I sleep less than three hours a night" guy and the "I never call in sick" guy. Thanks, Gary, you infected the whole office with the plague. Also, maybe your emails wouldn't read as if a schizophrenic wrote them if you'd get some sleep. Bonus favorite quotes: "I'll sleep when I'm dead," and, "If I'm calling in sick, it'll be from the E.R." Okay, dude, you do you.
Bragging about how free of a spirit they are, and how they're just a catalyst for all the energy in the universe flowing through them. Okay cool, you're chill, but you quit a job because your boss told you that you can't hula hoop in the parking lot. That free spirit thing is totally gonna help you feed your children.
#32 A Proud Robot
My weird ex-coworker bragged about how she "is totally emotionless" and has "an illness that causes her to feel absolutely nothing. No pain or emotions at all." The very next day at work, she broke into tears because she was being "bullied" by other coworkers who called her out on another lie. She was then called out on supposedly having no emotions. She went to the supervisor saying she had a migraine and had to go home. She was called out, again, the following day. She still tells people that she has no emotions, though.
#33 Shut Up, Brenda
This one kills me every time. I could see bragging about buying something exciting like a car or a home, although even then I wouldn't be bending over backward to thank my boss for paying me for my job. But they are always bragging about the cheapest things. Even when I worked for minimum wage, I could still afford a candy bar, Brenda. This is not convincing me to join your team!
#34 Movies Don't Count As Books
My neighbor once bragged to me that she hadn’t read a book since high school. I’m a reading interventionist and was not impressed.
#35 Not Gordon Ramsey
People on Facebook who post their horribly cooked meals acting like they are gourmet cooks. Sorry, Nancy, that half-burnt piece of chicken next to that minute-made rice with a side of broccoli looks absolutely terrible.
#36 An Odd Marker Of Success
Sarah brags that she made it to high school graduation without getting pregnant. We only had maybe 10 girls out of our class of 500 who didn't, but Sarah acts like it means she wins at life above everyone. One time, when I quipped, "So did I," she said, "Yeah, but I did it better." Did what better? It is kind of one or the other. It's not like there is a grey area between having a baby while in high school and NOT having one.
#37 I'm Not Impressed, Derek
ANY amount of a conversation about how tipsy you were last night. Unless someone loses their life or is arrested at the end of the story, I have already heard it and I don't care. Every Monday, it's my coworkers' favorite thing to bring up. Being addicted to drinking is not impressive. Find something more engaging to do with literally all of your free time, Derek.
#38 Superior Kidneys
I knew a girl who used to go on and on about her super-efficient kidneys. The only proof she had was a first-year lab at uni we did where she went #1 in a cup and we looked at her output over an hour and a half. I almost certainly messed up the math, and she almost certainly doesn't have kidneys six times more efficient than other human beings. But she still feels the need to tell people about it.
#39 Cheap Tattoos? Never A Good Idea
I woman I worked with once bragged about how inexpensive her full-leg tattoo cost her. I think she said it was around £25. She went on to say that paying any more than that for a tattoo is a rip-off. All I can remember thinking about was how I bet her tattoo looked like it only cost £25, too...
#40 The Couch Potato
I had this roommate who had a total loser girlfriend. She straight-up refused to work and lived with her parents but spent most of her time at our house. My other roommate and I overheard her talking about her two kids and, in a very bragging tone, how her parents watch them almost full time. So basically, this woman was bragging about how her parents were full-time babysitters for her kids so she could continue her lifestyle of being in her mid-30s. She was unemployed by choice and one of the most genuinely lazy human beings I've ever met.
#41 His Brothers' Biggest Fan
I had a friend in high school who would endlessly brag about the achievements of his older brothers. I guess he had a lot of respect for his brothers, which is cool, but he played it off like people should be impressed with him for something his siblings did. It always baffled me.
#42 Cool Story, Bro
I made a post on Facebook that Jimmy John’s delivered a sandwich to me in eight minutes. Then, one of my old co-workers on Facebook said, “That’s nothing! I’ve delivered a lasagna in under ten. Jimmy Johns doesn’t even need to cook anything!” You’re like 45 and deliver pizzas for a living. This is a weird thing to have a full-fledged, public contest about.
#43 A Proud Black Coffee Drinker
That they can drink coffee black. You'd think to put anything in your coffee was a war crime with how he goes off about it... and it's just instant coffee powder too! I never get the hoopla about coffee, whether it's black or hating on pumpkin spice lattes. You drink your coffee the way you like it. I don't give a heck since it doesn't affect me in the slightest. You do you.
#44 Proud Divorcee
My coworker brags about having been married four times. His fourth wife just left him. I'm wondering when the bragging about being married five times begins.
#45 Politically Competitive
I heard someone in high school say "I'm more conservative than you will ever be" like their personal political views were a contest.