December 28, 2023 | Scott Mazza

When People Fail Spectacularly At Life


The world can be a wild, wondrous, and even scary place, and there will always be times when we come up against something we don’t know or have never done before. But other times, people are just straight-up stupid. These Redditors witnessed jaw-dropping moments where someone simply didn’t understand the way the world works, and the results were hilarious.


1. Some People’s Families…

I was nannying for this couple who were seriously clueless about raising kids. They had their kid in the same getup for a freaking month until I gave 'em a friendly nudge that the little one needed new clothes. His folks were like, "Where do we score baby outfits?" Pretty laughable seeing how they lived on top of a Target and right beside a kid's boutique.

Moving on, when the kid hit the age for eating solid food, they caught me with, "Where do we find baby food?" I had to break it down that virtually all supermarkets have a baby chow aisle, or they can whip up pureed fruit at home. When I heard what they chose, my jaw dropped: They picked SOUR CREAM as the first solid for their kid!

FYI, this was a loaded family, jetting off on vacays almost every week. But the cherry on top? Trying to ditch Granny at the day care along with the baby.

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2. A Wild Ride

I live in South America and bumped into this American tourist once. Asked her what it's like being miles away from home—and her response? She felt she ain't really that far. She thinks these "exotic lands" are just a part of the United States. They just get the plane to revolve around for endless hours to trick you into believing you're in another nation.

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3. Ice Cold Calling

The gaming company I worked for had three break-ins in one summer. Each time, it was art students from a nearby college trying to force unexpected job interviews with our art director. The first time, a student snuck in with a crowd of returning lunch-break employees and started browsing our halls for the art director's office. He got a serious scolding but nothing more. But this was just the beginning.

We circulated emails for everyone to watch out for strangers and badge-less wanderers. A week later, it happened again. Another student from the same school walked in through a side entrance with a group, lying about an interview when confronted. They asked him to wait but he still barged into the art director's office, launching into his pitch. We told him not to bother applying here again and shared his name with our partner studios.

After tightening security, disabling side door entries, and another round of emails, we thought it'd stop. Turns out, we were VERY mistaken. Another art student somehow found his way into our art director's office. He sat and waited for the art director, who was out. When he arrived back, he was greeted with a hopeful "Hi future boss!". That's when we got authorities involved. Enough was enough. Stop breaking in, you morons. The student was led out to two cops waiting to get his statement for another trespassing charge.

During questioning, we finally discovered what was happening. We understood why it was always students from this specific art school. There was a professor telling them to infiltrate and force unexpected interviews. He showed them how to blend in, not raise alarms, and find the ideal person to surprise-interview—all under the illusion that being sneaky and forward would impress us and show how badly they wanted the job. 

It's hilarious, since they always thought the worst we could do was say no. Surprise! We might charge you for trespassing, fine you big time, and blacklist you forever in this industry for compromising security.

It's sad these kids were the ones suffering, trusting this dumb teacher's advice. We have no idea why this teacher thought this was acceptable or what era he thinks he's in, but it's pretty scary to think students pay big bucks for such terrible guidance from a delusional idiot who's clueless about reality.

The teacher should've been held accountable for endangering his students. However, it was clear he still had his job after we caught a fourth hopeful trespasser attempting to slip in through the front door.

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4. Priorities: Straight

Once, while at the zoo, a dude next to me wondered why there were no monkeys in the cage. The guide told us they were likely in the den getting busy, which meant we wouldn't see them for a while. We all cracked up when the guy cheekily asked, "Would they appear if we tossed some peanuts in?" The guide shot back, "Would YOU?"

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5. Father Doesn’t Know Best

After listening to my dad rattle off about some faux-political chaos, I figured out he was all shook up about something that happened on his favorite TV show last night, not real life. That's when it hit me: (I was a ten-year-old kid, he was 40) Dad struggled to tell what was real from what wasn't.

Dad was convinced it was against the law to lie on television, period. In all the years after, he never caught on. Then when the internet came around, he was sure it was all a hoax. Funny thing, if the same news aired on TV and online, the online version somehow made the television news a big fat fib, breaking the law.

On top of that, I learned the guy couldn't read or write properly.

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6. Working For The Weekend

I remember this girl from my Target job. She was scheduled for 6 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., but would roll in around 8 or 9 a.m. with no decent excuse. Our boss finally asked if she had morning stuff, like getting kids ready, that would make a later shift better?

If yes, she could be switched to the 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. gig. Her answer was, "No, I still want out by 2:30. I just don't like getting up early". The look on his face was priceless. She was let go after refusing to get that you can't set your own hours. Next, I have a roommate. A 23-year-old who really can't look after herself aside from ordering fast food.

Once, I heard her yelling at her mom for helping with a job application she couldn't get through. She angrily snapped, "Can't you just do it? I want to go play my games". And in case you're wondering, nope. There aren't any disabilities. Just pure laziness, being spoiled, and quite frankly, a ton of dumbness.

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7. Guilty As Charged

We've got this newbie at work, a girl fresh from uni. We used to eat lunch together back when she was an intern in another division. She'd always gripe about her co-workers being awful. The strange part? I didn't even know these people. After about a year, she landed a different job within the company, but it wasn't going to start for another two months.

She came and asked if I thought she should take a leave till her new gig started. She couldn't bear the thought of sticking it out with her current colleagues for another two months. I was curious, what were they doing that was so unbearable? When she told me, I felt like smacking her. She whined that they often snitched on her to the boss for being late, extending lunch breaks, and darting off early.

I asked, "But aren't you doing those things?" "Well, yeah, but they don't have to be so nasty about it," she shot back.

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8. Sir, Do You Have Eyes?

I've got no feet, no prosthetics, and I roll around in a wheelchair. There was this one guy once, gave me a right grilling cause I wouldn't take the stairs over waiting for the elevator. I couldn't believe it! I'd been talking with a friend about us running a bit late because of the elevator line. From what I gathered, the guy could see just fine.

He spun around and locked eyes with me, so he must've known I'm teeny tiny. I mean, it's a given that I'm either a shorty or in a chair, and neither should be bouncing down steps, especially then. The stairs were flooded, folks charging down like mad. We're talking prime time at the city station here, even more hectic due to some train delays. Had I had my fake feet, I still would've been mowed down.

And hey, I was just giving my friend a heads-up about us being tardy. Not trying to play the guilt card or expecting queue-jump privilege. Had more of a "Uh-oh, we're late. Oh, well!" vibe going on. In fact, I was about to tell her she could bop along without me when Mr. Grumpy chipped in.

As for his thought process? Your guess is as good as mine! There's a big wheelchair sports scene around here, meaning wheelchairs aren't exactly a rare sight. Many are what you call ambulatory wheelchair users, they can hoof it a bit, but not too much or too well. If I have my prosthetics on, often folks give me flak for being a "phony". Maybe that was his angle?

Thinking I was pulling a fast one? I mean, who knows? He had his eyes on me when he blurted it out. Post-rant, he gave me a nasty look, then seemed to get it. He quickly switched back to facing forward, flustered. Safe to say, me and my mate had a solid laugh about his antics once he'd ducked off.

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9. Get In Loser, We’re Going Shopping

My old boss was this 26-year-old girl whose mom gave her four mil a year just to muck around with. Her mom's rolling in dough back in China, and she's in the States pretending to be a CEO for kicks. I somehow scored a job at her "company". One day, she announced a team outing.

She carted us off to an outlet mall that was a good four-hour drive. Told the seven of us she was off to shop and 'catch you later,' which basically meant don't even think about tailing me. She'd drop a group text every couple of hours saying she was stashing her haul in the rented van and offered for us to do the same. Not like we could afford that, earning less than 50k a year.

By lunchtime, she'd stuffed the van full. When she noticed I hadn't bought anything, she said I should max out a credit card 'cause that's how we do it in America! Right. Fast forward to 9 pm, her shopping bags were gobbling up space and the rest of us was squished or sitting with her loot. She blew 30k that day. The rest of us maybe dropped 70 bucks.

We were all tired, bored out of our minds, and freezing. Even now, I bet she still thinks she was being generous and can't fathom how off-putting and poor at team-building that whole saga was.

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10. Bossy Pants

I was part of a software firm downtown Boston for a while. The spot had super flexible working hours - a real bonus. Most peeps had dedicated work from home days. I could drop my kids at school and rock up at the office around 9:30, my boss was chill with that. And there were others like me, using the flexible hours to manage their kids' routines.

A few years in, a new CEO takes the reins. She scopes out the office for a month before calling a company-wide meeting. In the meet, she spills that she thinks a full-crew 8-5 operation is how to get the max productivity. From the next month, she axed all work-from-home and expected everyone in the office at those hours. No more late comings or early goings.

That sparked off quite the debate. From gripes about the short notice and begging for flexibility, to childcare woes - obviously we can't just change school timings! Plus, Boston's commute is a pain, man. I'll never forget her comeback.

After hearing us rave and rant, she finally dishes out a long spiel about the sacrifices everyone needs to make for the company, doing our bit, yada yada. She wraps it up with, "I really get you guys! When my kids were tiny, my husband and I had to rope in three nannies for our work schedules!"

We all just sat there speechless. I realized then, it was time to start job hunting. The minute your CEO, who's a millionaire, sees hiring three nannies as a relatable work-life balance solution, you know she ain't changing her tune.

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11. If It Ain’t Broke…

My boss mentioned a friend with a wild "life hack". You won't believe it, but she'd get her bills, ignore them, then wait a few months to settle 'em. She'd cry to the debt collectors till they caved and wiped off her late fees. So that's her crazy "brilliant life hack".

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12. Mother Of The Year

I was a nanny for a pretty pampered, privileged mom. Not long after I snagged the job, she rang me up at 3 am, begging me to swoop in cause her baby was wailing non-stop. When I said no, she hit me with a "but you're the nanny!" This was a regular occurrence. But that wasn't even her craziest request. 

Eventually, she got tired of breastfeeding and wondered if I could take over. And all this happened in a super chill, no biggie kind of way. She wasn’t mean or anything.

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13. Food For Thought

One day, a part-time lab student at my uni popped into my office, asking "What's good to eat in the fridge? Didn't know I had to pack lunch". I was floored. I said "Um, nothing? Everyone brings their own grub, but you can use my GrubHub to order something if you need to".

The dude just DIDN'T GET IT. He needed four rounds to wrap his head around not taking other people's lunches. Same guy: I rolled into the lab and mentioned I whipped up a fresh pot of coffee in the office for him. His response "A pot of what now?" He'd only used a Keurig and didn't even realize regular coffee makers existed.

Fast forward a month, our friend gets the boot for swiping chloroform.

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14. Not Cut Out For This

So, an 18-year-old newbie in training gets a letter. I can tell it's made him upset. As a 22-year-old, I'm kinda worried, so I ask if he wants to chat. I'm thinking dump-letter or parents splitting up. Man, was I off. He tells me his kid bro just got a Mercedes for his birthday, and he's ticked because all he got was a Beamer.

Not sure what I said then, but boy, I knew boot camp was about to take him down a peg. (It did).

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15. Welcome To The Real World

My dad kinda had a wake-up call. He was your classic Boomer, always giving me grief for being a slacker. That changed when he got hurt and couldn't work in his field anymore, a field he'd been in for over 30 years. It took ages for him to find another gig and boy was he shocked when he realized he couldn't bargain his way to a bigger paycheck.

Talk about a bombshell when he was axed on the spot for suggesting a strike and booted from the property. He had to relocate and was blown away that he couldn't just hand the landlord some cash and move in ASAP - nope, he had to wait for his application to clear and a background check.

I gotta admit, it felt good when he finally tried out my gig, truck driving. He quickly found out it's not all road-trip fun like 80s movies make it out to be. Truckers aren't all buddy-buddy - sure they can be decent, but when push comes to shove, it's every man for himself.

Most of the big trucking firms stateside don't really give a hoot about you or your family, they're simply worried about safety to avoid paying for lawsuits. After he lost his third trucking job, he's relying on me financially. Thankfully, he stopped nagging me and is now, still job hunting.

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16. Time To Go

One of my freshmen thought assignment due dates were just "suggestions". She never turned in anything on time. The night before finals, she emailed asking if I'd accept her late work. I was like, "No way," and she threatened to complain. I had the perfect response: "Sure, go ahead". 

She ended up failing and got called out, then finally got tossed out for cheating.

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17. You Had One Job

My brother is 26 and only held a job for like two months. Even then, it was our cousin who hooked him up. All he had to do at this super easy job was monitor equipment for a well-drilling crew overnight.

His job also came with a sweet RV to chill in. They were cool with him watching TV, hanging with his dog, eating, drinking, you name it. His one responsibility was basically just to be there.

But one night, he wanted the night off to grab dinner with his girl. His boss said nope, as he was their only night guy. His reaction? Telling his boss off and quitting on the spot. Now he doesn't have a job, doesn't help with bills or really do much. He just plays old-school video games all day. 

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18. If Only…

My mom randomly pops up in my city and asks to grab dinner. I let her know I'm on the bus and it'll be a 45-minute ride, though by car it's just 15. Her response actually made me LOL: "Why not ask the bus driver to drop you here now?" She clearly doesn't get how buses work.

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19. A Rude Awakening

I was with this 20-something girl getting her first proper paycheck. Boy, was she psyched as she ripped that envelope. But then... her grin vanished. "Um.. what's with these lines?" She was clueless about taxes. Imagine, paying up for everything – working, living, buying, selling, heck, even flushing! Brace yourself, kid. Welcome to the broke life in a underpaying job.

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20. High Standards

My roommate, despite never chipping in for rent or food, had the nerve to reject the only job offer they've ever received, not once but twice, right in front of me. I wanted to slap him. The company was so eager they called twice, promising decent wages, and he had the audacity to turn them down. 

His reason? "Nah, something better will turn up. $20 an hour isn't gonna cut it in this city".

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21. Trigger Happy

My colleague feels like he needs to report his ex to Child Services anytime he disagrees with her parenting. Daughter sharing a room with her older sister? He's on the phone with Child Services. He calls late and she won't wake their sleeping daughter? Yup, another call to Child Services.

The guy even has Child Services and his caseworker on speed dial. Meanwhile, he can't grasp why both keep telling him there's no issue since his ex is following court orders and not neglecting their child. He's still trying to micromanage his ex and her household.

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22. I Have A Very Specialized Skill Set

At my super average university, there was this girl who never had a job 'cause her folks said nope, just stick to studying. They hoped she'd land a solid job post-grad. But get this, she was pulling all-nighters studying... Fine Arts bookbinding. Seriously, what kind of bookbinding gig you gonna score fresh outta college, in 2010, with zero work experience, and expect it to cover the rent?

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23. I’m All Ears

My mom was set on the idea that corn can only be picked by hand. I showed her clips of corn harvesters in action, but she was convinced they were all doctored footage. This blew up into a big fight. Eventually, she rang my sister, the librarian, for a sanity check. Once my sis backed me up, she just said "fair enough" and dropped it forever.

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24. Doggone It

I was working at an animal clinic when this lady showed up with her pooch. The poor thing was suffering from a ruthless skin condition due to a flea attack. Before I could utter a word, she started ranting about how someone was tormenting her and her dog nightly, going after them with tree bark. It took me a moment to digest that one.

She also stated, out of nowhere, she was convinced we hadn't put down her old dog years ago, but had shipped her to Hollywood. Supposedly, seeing her dog in a TV ad served as her evidence. Considering that her old dog would have been in her twenties by then, it's a no-brainer we didn't "auction her off to Hollywood".

Genuinely, it was pretty sad, since it was apparent there were mental health factors at play. But, she was the first person I've ever come face-to-face with who was genuinely disconnected from reality.

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25. Aim High

I work with this chick who's 21 and loves her some weed. Lives with her boyfriend, who's a big shot at Pizza Hut, and we're both in the food biz. She wants to tie the knot with him but needs a $10k rock. She's got this idea of a pink room to get all dolled up after marriage.

She plans on lounging around all day in a pink fluff-trimmed robe. When her guy gets back, they'll "do their thing". Bet I could tell you a whole slew of tales about her that'd leave you puzzled. Not to diss ambition, because it matters. Yet, she's 21 with zero college plans. Dreams of being a "video vixen" while earning nine bucks an hour. So, clearly, her grip on reality is a bit shaky.

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26. Face The Music

The small town church's pastor was pretty stubborn, telling folks to prep the parish hall with grub and drinks for 125 people after each Sunday sermon, despite the usual crowd being about 20 people. Whether it was week to week or month to month, a ton of food got tossed and buckets of coffee wasted because the pastor refused to acknowledge the real weekly turnout.

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27. In Denial

Like 20 years ago this woman, about 35, had to be admitted to the hospital due to serious brain damage caused by lack of oxygen. She's been in the same ward since then, barely alert. Her parents been refusing to transfer her to a better-suited joint for the past two decades, because in their mind, there's no point. They reckon places like that are for "hopeless cases," and their girl is gonna bounce back, finish college, tie the knot, and be just peachy.

Being in the hospital line of work, I've got a bag full of such tales, but I reckon this one's among the heartbreakers.

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28. Blank Check

My cousin was pampered and protected throughout her childhood and college years. Then, her folks just foolishly let her loose on the world with zero prep. It all fell apart VERY fast. She soon landed in hot water for bouncing checks left, right, and center, and my mom had to intervene.

Turns out, my cousin thought if you still had checks, it meant you had cash in your account. She didn't get that you put in a certain amount and then spend or take out up to that sum. Honestly, make sure your kids know the basics of finance. This happened around 1996, when people were still majorly using checks.

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29. Give Me Some Space

I work with this girl who's all about the Earth being flat, right? And get this - she straight up denies that space is a thing. Anytime we chat and I voice a different opinion, she hits back with "Have you ever been there?" Well, duh, no, but that's like me not visiting Japan yet saying it ain't real. Despite my logic, she ratted me out to the higher ups for disrespecting her wild theories.

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30. Doing It For Themselves

"My folks chipped in for half the down payment on our place. They cover our yard guy, housecleaner, daycare, car insurance, and even toss my wife and I some cash each month. Despite all that, we consider ourselves pretty darn independent and aren't shy about giving our buddies tips..." Clearly, this is about a guy I know.

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31. Wouldn’t It be Nice

My sister-in-law got dumped by her guy, so she crashed at our place for a bit. We floated the idea of her maybe renting a budget-friendly place near us. But nope, too "sketchy" for her. Instead, she has dreams of a three-bed house with a garden in the posh part of town. Lady has zero savings and job status is iffy at best.

When I hinted she can't really swing half a mil on a house with her paycheck, she blithely suggested she'd get on council housing. Like there isn’t a massive waiting list and the fact that most council spots are in the rough neighborhoods! That's just a glimpse of the crazy fantasy world she's existing in.

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32. The Garden Of Eden

My parents have this neighbor, right? She figures her backyard didn't have enough room for her kids to play. As soon as she met my folks, she's like, "Hey, can you pass me some of your yard so my boys have a bigger play area?" Really?! Kudos to my folks for just saying no. Just for reference, they're living in this swanky neighborhood where houses are worth about a mil.

Seriously, these backyards are way bigger than most in the UK. It's a shocker just how clueless this lady was. I mean, who does that?

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33. A Whole Lot Of Nonsense

So, my stepbrother. He joins this bizarre Gnostic cult and thinks he's some sort of street-corner Socrates, yakking away about philosophy at people when he has no clue. And he genuinely figures his 9-5 is a solid place for his enlightenment crusade. Every time he loses a temp gig, he cries, 'It's a conspiracy!'

But here's the ridiculous bit. They've got this thing where you have to rewrite their holy book by hand - no small task, lemme tell you. And he did...only to find out he botched it all by using the wrong color pen.

Then he scores a waiter job at this local eatery. Bizarrely, he develops a habit of bowing after jotting down orders. When his boss tells him to cut it out, he starts barking about proper server etiquette. There was also this older lady he took a fancy to, and our traditional man decided to ask her dad before popping the question, which thankfully, didn't materialize.

Oh, and let's not forget his brilliant Army idea, to enlist and start a convert mission inside! He even briefly toyed with the concept of photosynthesis for humans, but never really committed.

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34. Short Fuse

Worked with this dude for years who was convinced everyone was against him. Dude had a seriously twisted view of reality. He'd joke with guys, then mull over one thing all weekend, and show up Monday, fuming over some misunderstood comment.

I've seen him jump two guys, heard about a third. Funny thing - everyone thinks he's a harmless dolt. This newbie I trained, who can't handle jackasses, just started working with him. Could be a winning combo.

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35. Problem Solved

I attended a fancy global school in London as a teen, where most parents had solid jobs. But among them were a few super rich kids with parents in high yolks like oil. In year eight, we were chatting about our Easter holidays and my Belgian friend mentioned how his fam decided to road trip last minute cause there were no flights.

Suddenly, this Russian billionaire buddy of mine asks, "Can't you just grab a private jet?" She looked so confused when we all cracked up.

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36. In Over Her Head

So, my "friend" swiped my card info and splurged big time. I confronted her before going to the cops because a) she was having a rough patch and I wanted to let her fix it, and b) I didn't want to look guilty of pulling a scam by getting stuff sent to her and then crying fraud.

She denied the whole thing, so I assumed it was someone else and reported it. Then, they busted her and she was shocked it got "so serious". Honestly. She figured you could just ring up banks for a refund and they wouldn't dig deeper.

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37. Apocalypse Now

I used to work as a stable hand at a fancy barn in a rich area, and we had to sign confidentiality agreements to protect the clients. One super-hot day in July, I heard one client moaning about how stressed she was, about to lose it, because her favorite caterers were booked for her spontaneous yacht party.

I'm just scraping by and probably had like three days off since Christmas. Wish a yacht party was my biggest stress source. You can bet the crew got a good laugh out of that.

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38. Read The Room, Dude

Here's the scoop on the first court hearing I ever attended as an attorney: I was squaring off against a solo practitioner from another state, let's call him Dude. We'd chatted on the phone a few times; he struck me as capable and pretty zealous. Anyway, I meet up with Dude at the courthouse, wasting time with my co-counsel (both of us women) before our trial.

Dude's first words are "hi". His second line? "I gotta show you a pic of my wife". ... Alright then? Dude's a tiny, bald 60-something. He flips out his phone and points to a pic of a young lady who he swears is 20 but honestly looks barely 15. She's from Dominica, he says. He then shares this wacky story about a mall trip where she kept asking him to buy her stuff and calling him daddy.

Dude clearly thought we'd be bowled over. Yeah, not so much.

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39. Coming Out Of Their Shell

Growing up, my life was pretty confined. Take shoes for instance; I had two options and I'd better pick the right one. And remember, making friends wasn't my call but my dad's. Yup, that was my life, snug in a box that only dear ol' dad had the keys to.

When I hit 10, Child Protective Services stepped in and I was put under foster care. That was like being shot into space! I didn't realize how messed up things were until they took me to a shoe store. They said, "pick a pair you fancy". No joke, it felt like a rubix cube puzzle. After what seemed an eternity, they felt bad for me and asked about my favorite color.

"Green," I said, because dad said it was. But everything was a whirlwind and what do I end up with? Brown and pink kicks. Learning stuff most kids get at their prime? Well, I'm still trying figure it all out in my 20s.

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40. Expensive Tastes

Even living in a super cheap area of the country, I was just scraping by. After dealing with bills, insurance and all, I was left with just $125 for food and gas for the rest of the month. No buses or trains here; it's all fields and farms. One night, chilling at my sister's, she tells me I gotta move. Apparently, you can't raise a family on $90,000 per year in these parts.

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41. Not Doing Him A Favor

I totally failed at adulting. At 18, I'd moved into my first place and spent 15 minutes hunting for a "button" on the trash chute. It took me ages to figure out you just chuck the trash in. Parents had me sheltered till then. Totally failed at equipping me with basic survival stuff. Love them, but dang, I was clueless!

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42. The Cost Of Stupidity

My cousin is 47. A few years back, a fam member kicked the bucket and left him 10k. Dude's always crashed with his grandma, living off the 400 bucks a month he gets from an old accident settlement. He's into some pretty heavy stuff, never had a job, just chilling like a kid with pocket money. 

One day he says he wants to buy a car and rent an apartment, then he asks me how to invest the leftover 10k...like, seriously dude?

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43. For Your Eyes Only

So one Christmas, I whipped up a personalized board game for my girl, where the idea was for her to "go on" as many vacations as possible. Jam-packed with shout-outs to her peeps and inside jokes. Then, some friends suggested I make a load more to sell. 

I'm like, seriously? Who's gonna want to buy a game all about some chick they don't even know?

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44. What He Doesn’t Know Won’t Hurt Him

My son needed to borrow cash just before his credit card bill hit. No biggie. He was relieved, telling me, "I thought they'd block my card and I couldn't get groceries if I didn't pay it all". Simply put, he never carries a balance, just like I taught him, but he's clueless that he can let the balance carry over or just pay part of it, and he'll have to pay the rate plus a fee.

I reckon I won't clue him in on those details...

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45. I Know My Worth

My old man hung up his boots and retired last November. After relaxing without work for a bit, he thought he needed a laid-back gig to keep him occupied. He threw his hat in the ring for a cashier gig at this local joint...and asked for a cool $20 per hour, thinking that was the new mininum wage.

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46. Silver Screen Dreams

So, I knew this gal a while back. Worked regular hours but was sure she was destined for Hollywood. But here's the twist - she hadn't acted a day in her life. Oh, and she also spilled about this married guy she was seeing: "He's crazy about me, but just can't leave his wife..". Ultimately, she did cut off the bedroom drama, but they kept hanging out.

47. There’s Something About Mari

I spent my last college summer living with Japanese exchange students. They were cool girls. There was this 19-year-old, Mari, who was a total fish out of water. She spoke decent English and I was teaching some of the other girls, while they helped me with my Japanese. But that was pretty much where her skills stopped.

Mari was constantly paging me because she thought all buses were free since we were students. That wasn't a huge problem; I got that she was figuring out a new culture. What made me realize she couldn't be left alone was when she somehow ended up in Arizona.

We're talking 400 miles and a 5-hour ride from where we were. She'd been chatting with some dude on campus who said he was heading to Arizona to see family. She was like, "I wanna go". So he just took her. She didn't even let us know she was going. She naively assumed the guy would bring her back, but he told her he was staying in Arizona.

So it was on me to sort out a ticket, guide her to the bus over the phone, and then drive two hours to fetch her 'cause she missed her connecting bus while taking a nap.

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48. In Absentia

I'm a school psychologist, and there's this kid who missed 30 days out of a 55 day term. Obviously, something was wrong here. They got me to check it out. The mom looked me right in the eye and said she didn't feel like driving barely two mins from their home because there was this pesky railway track. She thought waiting for a train was just a no-go.

No joke, I thought she was pulling my leg. Nope, she was dead serious.

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49. Robsten, Is That You?

My bud was convinced she was dating a minor famous guy she bumped into at a comic con. She reckoned all his Insta and tweets were secret messages just for her. And his marriage? Just a show for the press so they could chill in peace.

When her birthday rolled around and he didn't acknowledge it, she fell apart. Hit up therapy pretty soon after.

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50. Put It In Writing

So, my brother-in-law, who's just 18, tied the knot with his high school babe in a parking lot, all so they could stay off campus at their Christian university. Guess what? His now-wife's mom is a minister. His folks, aka my in-laws, didn't dig it one bit. He was clueless why, thinking, "It's a pretend marriage for school".

Dude, you're MARRIED. Couldn't stop laughing. I really dig the kid, but he's such a dope.

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51. Baby Babble

My wife and I welcomed our baby just two weeks back. To help out, my in-laws are staying with us for a bit. My mother-in-law's a bit anxious about why the baby isn't playing with the toys she got. I mean, seriously? He's only two weeks old!

Babies can't focus on toys at this stage. And get this, my father-in-law wanted to rush him to the ER. Terrified, I asked why. His answer was so dumb, I lost all respect for him: There was an eyelash in his eye. They're decent folks, but I'm baffled about how they raised their own kids.

The Dumbest Person I KnowPexels




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