It's okay if you're not the smartest pea in the pod. Some people, however, are just so unintelligent, it seems a bit of a mystery how they can survive out in the world without a constant babysitter attending to them. Hopefully, what they lack in intelligence they may make up for in other areas, like being super kind or being a great cook.
Some people are so dumb it'ss hilarious, while in other cases the stupidity will leave you scratching your head, confused at how it can be possible to be that dense. From lacking in the most basic common sense to really not having a clue about much in life, what you're about to read covers it all. At least stupidity is not contagious.
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#1 Worse Than Rich-Kid Syndrome
My first college roommate was the son of a business professor at NYU. When I tried to explain to him why it was upsetting to hear him call me "Korean kid," he couldn't understand. For one thing, I'm not Korean, and two, I have a name. But he wasn't a bad guy per se. In fact, when we had this conversation I could see him stare at the ceiling light in deep contemplation, ultimately ending it the same way many of our conversations ended—by asking me, "What were we talking about again?"
He couldn't understand why we ran out of things: toilet paper, toothpaste, etc. He never restocked on his own and I personally believe that he used his hands to wipe his butt when I wasn't there. Once he asked me for my shaving cream because he wanted to try shaving with a plain razor for the first time in his life. He sprayed the cream all over the bathroom and tripped on it. He wanted me to help clean it up. I did not. When I moved out of the dorm, there was still foam and blood all over our bathroom door.
He would wake me up at 3 a.m. with the phone calls to his father. His loud voice wasn't the problem, usually. It was more how he was pounding his desk while demanding for help with his history homework or whatever. I remember hearing his dad tell him to look things up on Wikipedia but he was crying and saying it was too hard. He didn't know where Israel was, even though he's Jewish and goes back there every year. Asking where it was was a common question in his parents' phone calls.
We had an argument about how he never cleaned up the trash. He said he was always doing it. To prove him wrong, I bought my own trashcan. After a month, I would have to kick empty cans out of the way to enter my side of the room. He cried to me about how it was my fault the girl he brought home wouldn't get intimate with him because of how dirty our room was.
#2 A Guy With Three Brain Cells
I went to high school with this guy who probably had about three brain cells. During a music class where we had a work period for some project, he asked the teacher if he could go make up a test he had missed earlier that week for a different class. The teacher said yes. He left the room, went into the band's instrument storage room, took a nap, then got really angry at the teacher for not letting him make up the test.
#3 Not All Of Our Friends Can Be Smart
My friend wanted me to try whole-wheat pasta. I explained that I'm allergic to wheat. She said to try it because it's not wheat, it's WHOLE wheat.
#4 Did You Know That Islands Don't Float?
#6 A Couple Can't Be Pregnant And Not Know Who The Mother Is
One time, my now ex-girlfriend was watching Maury Povich. It was one of those paternity test episodes with the classic "You are NOT the father!" moments. She turned to me and said, "If we ever have a baby and I found out I am not the mother, I will end you." Thankfully we didn't end up reproducing.
#7 That's Not How Time Works, Lady
I was working retail at the time. This lady walked in and asked me to notify her when it was quarter after 10 a.m., since she needed to catch a bus. We were having a slow day, so I obliged. At a quarter after 10 a.m., I let her know time was up. She dropped her stuff and ran out to get the bus. Five minutes later, she came back in scowling. She then lectured me on how to tell time. "How much is a quarter? Twenty-five cents! So why would you tell me a quarter after 10 is 10:15!! It's 10:25!"
#8 The Two Envelopes Could Not Possibly Weigh More Than A Grown Woman
I asked a temp at work to weigh a couple of files for postage. She came back and told me they were 65 kg. I asked if it were possible that it was 6.5 kg, but she insisted they weren't. We argued about it for a good five minutes. It wasn’t until I asked her how much she weighed (59 kg) that it finally made sense to her that these two small folders couldn’t possibly weigh more than her.
#9 Coca Cola Really Had Her Confused
A few years ago, in Australia, Coca Cola changed their bottle to be a bit narrower and taller to use less plastic. Both bottles were 600 mL. A girl in my class at university was adamant that the change wasn’t to reduce plastic but so they could put less Coca Cola in to save money. “I know they are both 600 mL, but the new one has less Coca Cola in it.”
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#10 That Teacher Should Not Be Trusted
I was taught eleventh-grade science by a teacher who believed tattoos were genetically inherited.
#11 Her Geography Was All Wrong
There was a girl I worked with at McDonald's who was sweet as could be but denser than the concrete the store sat on. Two moments stand out to me. She thought the Great Wall of China was in Arizona. She also firmly believed North was whatever direction you were looking at the moment.
#12 The Origins Of Polio Revealed
I had a boss who told me that she never kept leftovers from a meal because that's how polio started.
#13 The Sun Is Not Recommended As A Place To Visit
A girl in my class in middle school genuinely thought people had landed on the sun. Her explanation for this belief was to insist that the moon and sun are made of the same stuff.
#32 You Can't Have It All
A friend of mine is a sweet guy but he's overweight, balding and quite frankly, not very attractive in the face. Well, one day, he let us know that he met a girl and she might be the one. Well, I've met some of the jewels he's hooked up with in the past, so I wasn't expecting too much. I finally met his girl and she was drop-dead gorgeous. I talked to her for a while and she was super friendly and outgoing.
I was stoked for my boy! He found the best he was ever going to find. Anyway, the night progressed and the new couple started talking about their plans for an upcoming trip to New Mexico. She started telling us how excited she was because she had "never gone to another country before." I laughed a bit and realized she was dead serious. My friend just looked at me, shook his head and I knew, that he knew, she was dumb as a pile of rocks. For what it's worth, he helped her get her passport.
#15 He Took Three Weeks To Learn What He Should Have Learned In Three Days
When I was in the Air Force, I was the lead trainer in my unit. When a new person showed up, I’d watch them do the job and answer any out-of-the-ordinary questions. When I felt they were ready, I’d sign off saying they were qualified. This all happened after they finished a six-week course learning the job. The 73 troops I trained took, on average, three days to complete this phase.
One time, I took some new guy under my wing, nonstop for an entire month. He’d mess something up one day and we’d correct it. No big deal. The next, he’d get it right, but get something else wrong. Then on the following day, he'd mess up on the first thing we had corrected. Bear in mind that he had a step-by-step checklist in his hand that listed everything to do and in what order to do it.
After a month of this, I figured there was nothing I could do for him. Maybe it was my teaching method, so I handed him over to my supervisor. They spent another three weeks together until he was finally certified. It took him a month and a half to learn what should have taken three days. Personally, I really liked the guy—he had a good heart, didn’t give up after the setbacks, and was probably the funniest non-comedian I’ve ever met. He was just a bit dense when it came to the job. The job involved refueling jets, which was really about two degrees harder than filling your car. A chimp could do it and probably learn it in less time. Miss ya buddy, hope you’re still doing well.
Doncio
#16 She Should Probably Glue Her Phone To Her Hand
#17 The "Meat" Part Of The Cow
A girl in my art class in high school thought there was a part of the cow called “meat." When we explained that meat is the muscles, she freaked out and became vegetarian.
#18 Her Calendar Year Had Six Months Only
#19 All Humans Are The Same Species
A white girl didn’t think she could get pregnant because the guy was Mexican as if that made them different species. Swear on my life.
#20 Now Here's A Person Who Shouldn't Be Driving
The car dashboard read "40 miles to E." She understood that as: "The car says in 40 miles, we'll be going east."
#21 These Students Must Not Be Learning Much In Their Science Class
Half of my science class thought that the international space station was just some building on the ground.
#22 He Had A Conspiracy Theorist On His Hands
My wife wanted to meet an old friend from school she hadn't seen for about 20 years. We went to dinner and he brought his wife (who he met two months prior). He was a "male entertainer," and he spent the whole night trying to start fights with people. When we finally got to talking, he told me about nine "jump points" on Earth. I thought to myself "Oh boy, a Flat Earther. I've never met a real one before."
But no, that's not what he was talking about. That would have been so much better than what he was talking about. He said there are nine jump points on Earth that are essentially wormholes to other planets, and that there is one in New York City that goes to Mars. He even went as far as to say the American government has already colonized Mars and is hiding it from the people. He was dead serious.
#23 News Flash: Dinosaurs Were Real
#24 The Biology Of A Cat Is Similar To All Mammals
#25 Unhealthy Logic
I know a guy who thinks the special tea he drinks negates the negative health effects of his terrible dental hygiene. For the record, the guy doesn't even brush his teeth.
#26 Someone Needs A Math Lesson
I just trained a new coworker on how to decorate a cupcake. "Divide the surface into quarters and put green decorations on one quarter, yellow on another quarter, then blue and then red on the last two quarters." She stared at me sort of blankly and went, "A quarter of the surface?" I said yes. She asked, "So how much of each decoration should I put on the pastry?"
I told her, "Enough to fill each quarter," but then I had to go help a customer. When I got back, she had made a blob of each color on the surface of the pastry. Just a random circle in random places. So I had to scrape them off and manually show her how to do it. I realized later that her blobs were about as big as a 25 cent coin. Oy.
#27 Alaska Is Not An Island
A girl in my AP US history class laughed at me when I was talking about driving to Alaska from Oregon. She insisted Alaska was an island because of how it is separated out on certain maps. I don't know if she was the dumbest person I met overall, but it was certainly the dumbest thing someone insisted they were right about.
#28 She Missed The Point Of The Story By A Longshot
I remember proofreading a paper for a freshman my roommate had the hots for. It was on Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal, but somehow this freshman didn't catch that it was satire. The opening lines of the paper are burned into my memory. "Eating children would not be a good thing to do. In fact, we could say it would be bad."
#29 This Girl Was Lost In Many Ways
We hired a girl a couple of years ago. I told her where the manager's office was on her first day. The second day, she asked me again where the manager's office was, so I walked her to the door. The third day, she asked me where it is again. Our manager chewed out the girl who trained our new recruit for not teaching her the job properly. The trainer pulled out her phone and showed the manager a picture of the girl wearing the uniform backward, saying, "Look at this. This is untrainable."
The new girl got fired about three weeks later for stealing the product because she thought she got it for free as an employee. This girl did not deserve the benefit of the doubt regarding not being able to find the office. Unfortunately, this office was located on the second floor which consisted of a hallway with a single door, and nothing else. It wasn't possible to get lost.
#30 Mexico Isn't The Only Country That Speaks Spanish
I live in southern Spain. I once met a girl from the U.S. who was here on some kind of exchange program. When I asked her how she liked Spain so far, she said "I'm loving it. I just don't know why the plane took so long to get here, I mean we are just a bit BELOW MEXICO." Then I told her that we were in Europe. She didn't believe me. Her reply was, "Europe? It can't be. Everyone speaks Spanish so we must be somewhere near Mexico for sure!" She was in university.
#31 Some Kinds Of Tests You Don't Have To Study For
#32 Get Your American History Straight, Guys
While visiting the Lincoln Memorial, I ran into an older couple discussing the inscription of the Gettysburg Address on the walls. The woman asked the man what it was in reference to and if it was about America. The man said something to the effect of, "No, this couldn't be about America. We never had any slaves here in our country. It must be about what happened in another country." These were two Americans.
#33 He Made Up For His Lack Of Intelligence With Kindness
I used to work with the nicest person I've ever met, but he was also the dumbest. Even though he had been there over a year he couldn't do anything besides wash dishes. He just could not figure out how to do anything on his own. Someone (usually me) would have to watch over every little thing he did to make sure he was doing it right.
It would have been frustrating if he wasn't the nicest darn person on earth. He was always so happy to see you and did everything with a smile on his face. Luckily, he could wash dishes like a freaking beast. I'm not exaggerating when I say he could literally wash dishes faster and cleaner than anyone I have ever met.
#34 The Grocery Store Jargon Never Made It To This Guy
I was working at a grocery store over a decade ago. I wouldn’t call the kid dumb, because he just didn’t know. It’s more of a funny thing. He was new and the manager asked him to “face” the store when he asked what he could do. “Facing” means you make sure the aisles look neat and that the product is pulled forward, visibly facing you as you walk down the aisle. The kid couldn’t be found until someone told the manager one of the workers was just standing in the parking lot facing the store. I will never forget that.
#35 A Fundamental Misunderstanding Of The Capability Of Engineers
#36 NASA Is Unquestionably A Real Organization
I have legit encountered someone who claimed that NASA is fake. Not just the moon landing conspiracy stuff, but the entire organization. The buildings, the people, the rockets, everything is just CGI. And apparently, you can tell it is CGI because everything got so much better and improved as CGI grew closer to perfection in our current day.
It blew my mind. Especially because I lived in Melbourne Beach, Florida at the time. I would sit on the sand behind my house and watch nearly every launch. I had even been into some of the secure buildings (I was friends with many NASA employees and contractors) It was hard to imagine someone dumber that him, really.
NASA
#37 A Kid That Thought You Can Smell Underwater
I once knew this kid named Reno who was dumber than snake mittens. He came into our government class claiming that you could still smell the tea spilled into the Boston Harbor during the Boston Tea Party. My government teacher spent the next five minutes explaining to him how that was physically impossible. Reno, after some deliberation, seemingly grasped the concept of time and relented on the topic, or so we thought.
Not five minutes later, he said, "I bet you can still smell it when you're underwater" as certain as a man can be. Now at this point, we were juniors in high school and for the first time in my life, I was in utter disbelief that a person could have survived under the sheer force of their own stupidity up until that point. The class was completely derailed while the teacher was trying to explain to Reno why you couldn't breathe underwater. After that year in class, with him, I never saw him again. Probably drowned.
#38 If Aluminum Isn't A Metal, What Is it?
In college, I caught a roommate putting an aluminum foil-wrapped sandwich in the microwave. Turns out, he knew you couldn’t put metal in a microwave, however, he didn’t believe me when I told him that aluminum was a metal.
#39 He Was Not The Best At Grilling
Years ago, I worked with a guy that made me genuinely wonder how he was still alive. He was not mentally ill, just stupid. We went to a party at his place and he announced that the burgers would be done in just a few minutes. He hadn't even started the grill. They made big patties and I said, "Man, you know these will take like 15 minutes minimum to cook, right?" He said, "No problem, last time they were raw in the middle, so I learned a trick!" He poked out the middle of the patty like a donut. He finished cooking them in like 3 minutes on the grill. I stuck with the chips.
#40 Lobsters Milk
I was a cook a few years ago and on one particularly busy night, we ran out of lobster mac and cheese. This one waitress could not understand how this was possible and just kept nagging and nagging in disbelief. I got annoyed to the point that I told her the reason for this was that there was a shortage of people with small enough hands to milk the lobsters, hence a worldwide shortage of lobster milk to make that dish. I had to come clean with her when she started telling this to customers and they demanded to speak with a manager.
#41 Her Opinions About Breastfeeding Are Just Absurd
My ex-sister-in-law is hands down the dumbest person I've ever encountered. There's literally a plethora of freaking insanely stupid things she's said over the years, but I'll use the one that almost made me slap the taste out of her mouth. I had my first son a while ago and while I was pregnant, she asked me if I was going to breastfeed, to which I replied that I was. She then asked "Even if it's a girl?" and I said of course.
She then proceeded to tell me that it's perfectly fine to breastfeed boys but doing so with girls is creepy and could make the child confused about its preferences. To say that I was stunned by her thought process is an understatement. I asked her what she thought people did before formula was invented and she said "cow's milk." And before bottles were invented, she said they used "rags soaked in cow's milk." Side note, she had three daughters and wouldn't allow her husband to change their diapers or bathe them.
#42 Dog Tails Don't Grow Back
#43 And That's How She Lost Her Ice Cream
She didn’t want all of her ice cream cone so she rolled down her window on the highway and stuck it out. Her theory was the cold wind would keep it cold on the way home, so she could eat it later. What actually happened was the ice cream flew into the backseat all over the fabric seat.
#44 Lemons And Limes Are Two Completely Different Fruits
#45 The People On US Money Are Not Always Presidents
I had a guy at work tell me that Benjamin Franklin was the 100th president because he's on the hundred dollar bill.
