Everyone has wishes—some small, some big—and they think if their wishes come true, their lives would be better. Well, life gives people plot twists instead of handing out “happily ever afters”. Let’s dive into the stories of people who got “monkey-pawed” and spiraled down to discomfort, regret, and even misery.
1. More Money, No Family
This reminds me of a very cringy interaction I observed when I worked at the bank. One day, a lady came in with a big life insurance check. One of the new tellers helped her with a well-intentioned comment to the effect of “Wow that’s a big one! I’d love to get a check like this!” The lady’s response stunned them to silence: “I’d rather have my mom”. And that is why, as a teller, you never comment on checks from life insurance companies.
2. An Empty Desk
I got promoted. It was something I wanted for a while. I went to tell a colleague, and his desk was being emptied. To promote me they let go of him. He hadn't been performing as well…They could have kept both of us, but since I asked for the promotion, and in order to keep me, they canned them.
It was devastating for him but I never told him what they told me. I just lived with it and let him rant. I lost touch after a while but I don't think he ever put two and two together. I knew because I had asked…For a while I felt a lot of guilt but it faded. Not my call.
3. I Can Use A Lockdown
Back in early 2020, I realized I'd misread some dates and had a family vacation planned at the same time I had an evaluation for a university. The vacation was extremely important to me since it was likely it might be the last I could ever go on with my mother. I spent about a week agonizing over it, wishing for some grand intervention that would get me out of the evaluation.
Anyways, my wish was granted when my country went into a hard lockdown because of COVID.
4. A Not-So-Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood
For the 15 years my parents lived at their current home, they deplored a couple of the neighbors they shared property borders with. It became a mantra for my parents to say “I wish they’d all just move away!”
Flash forward to 2018, when our lives changed in an instant. A huge wildfire came to town and destroyed most of the area. My parents’ entire neighborhood burnt down except for their house and a neighbor down the road. After a few months of living in their house with all the former neighbors now gone, my parents got extremely depressed and realized they cared about these people they once cursed about. They’d go to the limit to go back to how things once were if they could.
5. Rock’n Roll
I wanted to date a specific famous rockstar since I was 16. When I was in my thirties, I finally met him and it was magic at first, we dated for three years and the whole thing nearly ended me emotionally and mentally. I’m glad I'm no longer in that situation.
6. No Cake For You
I wished I didn’t have to go to my awful mother-in-law's house for her birthday. My husband let my eight-year-old hold the retractable leash while walking the dog that morning. The dog ran, but the child did not and was pulled off her feet straight into a brick curb. He got a major concussion, two days in the hospital. I didn’t have to go to the birthday thing. I have not made a wish of any kind since then.
7. Weight Loss Dairies
I used to constantly wish to lose weight, then one day I started having massive pains in my stomach/torso area and ended up in the ER constantly until it was found I had gallbladder stones. I’ve got my gallbladder removed, had an allergic reaction to the anesthesia, had a terrible recovery, and ended up losing close to 30lbs in a month because I was on a liquid diet—two glasses of Pedialyte a day and after a few weeks I was able to stomach an ensure as well.
I’ve got a new doctor who heard my story and thought it was concerning that I'd only lost 30 lbs on a liquid diet. Found out my thyroid was almost completely shut down, so I got on medication for it. I then spent nearly two years on a very bland raw food vegan diet as I worked my way back up to fully solid foods.
Overall it's been a little over three years and although I'm back to solid foods, I've got massive dietary restrictions due to my body not being able to handle a lot of foods anymore. But hey, I've kept off 50lbs by only changing up my diet and now I have to constantly snack throughout the day in between meals so I don't get light-headed and nauseous.
8. Monkey’s Paw, Literally
When I was a young kid, I went to the zoo with my family. I found a pretty peacock feather, which I carried around with me most of the day. I thought it would bring me good luck—but I thought too soon.
Toward the end of the day, we passed by a big cage that had spider monkeys in it. I got up close to the cage because I wanted to see the monkeys better. Then one came right down to me! I was so happy—until he reached through the bars of the cage and took away my feather.
I got monkey's pawed by a monkey's paw.
9. Away From Home
I wanted to emigrate to another country. Finally, did it, but never imagine that the emotional consequences will be so hard, that the missing feeling will be something that I would have forever, the feeling of loneliness, and also the question: What would have happened if things were different? Well, I’m not saying I’m not happy here, but somehow I will always feel incomplete.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, Shutterstock
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10. Call NASA!
One time over a weekend, I spent Saturday in bed sick. I felt it wasn't fair that I didn't get to enjoy the weekend, wished school would get canceled on Monday, so I could have two "true" days off.
It...did. School got canceled, and I remember walking outside and admiring the big, blue, cloudless sky, and the oak tree in the lawn that's now taller than the house. I later learned why.
I lived in Texas. A space shuttle exploded, and they canceled school because they were finding debris all over Texas and Louisiana.
I realize the two events are unrelated, but after learning the reason the school was canceled I somehow felt guilty.
Alexandra Morosanu, Shutterstock
11. Times Have Changed
My husband made me drop out of college when we got married. I’ve always wanted to go back so I did as soon as we got divorced 15 years later. I majored in marketing because I loved my corporate job in the 90s. Things are very different now. I’m up to my eyeballs in student loans just to find out how problematic corporate life is now.
12. Girls, Girls, Girls
When I was a dumb high schooler, I saw this gorgeous girl at the grocery store. I saw her a couple of times and was trying to build up the courage to strike up a conversation even though I never do that because we locked eyes and she smiled at me and was just really my type. But I missed my opportunity...I wished I could somehow find this girl.
Months later, my friend called and asked if she and her friend can hang out. I said “Yep” and when they come over, it was the girl behind the friend! Thinking it must be fate, we exchanged info and set up a date after our rival high schools play football against each other. Then, the whole situation took a major U-turn. At the game, I stared across the field, trying to see her. I never do but I manage to pick her up so we can get some takeout and the first thing she says when she gets in is “Ugh that was horrible! I was stuck behind those smelly Indians the whole game”. I kind of felt like my soul left my body.
13. Pros and Cons
After ending a six-year relationship with someone who never felt ready to commit to me, I wanted my next partner to be decisive and know exactly what they wanted. I wanted us to have fire chemistry, emotional understanding, and supportiveness, and I wanted him to have the confidence to make me feel reassured in the relationship, as well as to recognize my accomplishments instead of finding ways to criticize me. It was everything I wanted. Everything wrong in the previous relationship was right in this one. Then, he had a psychotic break and I couldn't save him from schizophrenia no matter how hard I tried. He still posts conspiracy theories of these delusions of persecution all over social media and has not re-entered the workforce since the break. It hurts my heart to watch.
14. Be Careful What You Wish For
My greatest wish was to be a mother. I met the love of my life, the perfect partner, we lived together for five beautiful years before deciding it was time to have children. First I suffered a miscarriage, and when I managed to get pregnant again, I had to give up my career to rest for 9 months. I went through a C-section, and my little girl has had several health problems that doctors cannot determine the source of yet. She even went through surgery. We have been pending her medical evolution for seven years and our relationship has worn out a lot. I love my family, but if I had known it would be like this, I would have preferred to remain a couple without children.
Tolikoff Photography, Shutterstock
15. Tale Of Two Houses
I was living with my partner but still had half my stuff at my old place. It was exhausting being between two homes. We planned to move into our place in a few months but I wished so badly to be able to have all my stuff in one place and to move a few months early.
I didn’t realize my pressure on moving early was upsetting him. He broke up with me and I moved all my stuff from his place back to mine. I guess it’s all in one place now but I miss him and his place, which felt like home.
16. Mother Nature Was Not Helpful
I spent most of my childhood wanting to move to the western US. Half of my family was from Oregon and Washington, and they talked about how beautiful it was and what growing up there was like with the mountains and woods. In my teens, I turned in the PNW, and then in college, I geared my career towards working on the conservation of specific species in those states. Finally moved out here last year excited to work and live the life I always dreamed of with my little family and my dog.
Due to last year's wildfires, I developed severe asthma and a chronic cough. I never had breathing issues before in my life but the wildfires damaged me last summer and I’ve been struggling since. Also, my hiking buddy, my dog, ended up with an extremely aggressive form of cancer and he was gone within a few months, never getting to see a trail with me. Oh, and my spouse has been cheating on me for the past year. It’s been great.
17. Apartment Hunt
I wanted to find an apartment within my budget in a desirable neighborhood in my city. I got it, and my upstairs neighbor has been an everyday issue. He’s broken almost all the windows in his place, throws all kinds of stuff out the windows, and stomps around all day and night yelling on the phone—or to himself—which disturbs my peace. Yesterday he somehow flooded his apartment which led to water leaking from my bathroom ceiling, through the walls of the bedrooms, and hallway. The officers have been here multiple times a week for the last month and I’m so over it.
18. I Want The Car But In One Piece
My parents bought my brothers and me a Mini Cooper to learn how to drive a stickshift. It was super fun to drive. Later on, my brother got a temporary student job on the other side of the province and was going to take the car. Officially, it wasn't my car, it was my parents', but I used it the most. I didn't want him to take it.
Midway through the second semester of my first year of university, I got rear-ended while driving the car. The crash damaged the rear door so much it couldn't open, and because of the car's age, it would cost more than the car was worth to fix it—it was totaled.
19. A Sad Gift
When I was a kid I loved horses, and fell in love with one horse at the horse dealer my stepfather knew. They bought me the horse for my 12th birthday, even though we were struggling extremely financially. Just kind of half a year later, I came home from school and my mother told me that the horse broke her leg and needed to be put down. I wanted to see her one last time, but she said it was better to remember her as she was. Never felt right to me. I was heartbroken.
About 15 years later, I found out that the dealer sold her off to someone else—probably because my parents couldn’t pay him off anymore. It broke my heart again, especially since my mother denied it. The thing is, I was very much aware of our financial situation and was in no way asking for any horse or expensive gifts. They had to know that they could not afford it, but I know my mother felt probably guilty.
20. A Niche Problem
Now I crave variety in my diet “like a normal person” compared to most of my life when I ate the same thing every single day for over ten years and looked forward to it.
21. Long-Distance Is The Worst
I told my girlfriend I was going to break up with her at the end of summer when she went to college because her college was just too far away. It was a condition of agreeing to be her boyfriend in the first place, so she knew what she was getting into, but she kept saying it could work out, to just give it a shot. Well, one month before the end of summer, I hit it off with a girl I met on a cruise. When I got home I told my girlfriend, “That thing we were going to do at the end of summer, we've got to do that now”. Fast forward a year and, well, my ex must have wished on a monkey paw that I would make a relationship work from that school because my new girlfriend ended up transferring to the same school as my ex. They were even in the same "Marriage and Family" class! But, I am a man of my word, and I dumped my new girlfriend shortly after she transferred.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, Shutterstock
22. Everything I Ever Wanted Broke My Heart
This was just before I finished high school. I wanted to get into a specific university and got it. I got a lovely and amazingly compatible girlfriend who is still in my life even after the relationship ended, got an internship doing lab work—which I love—with very close friends. It was all perfect... Until I burnt out and had a heart attack because of stress. During my time in the hospital, I got an infection that kept getting worse, needed surgeries, almost passed, and dropped out of college to get another surgery, I now have an invisible disability. My heart is completely ruined in a way that can't be fixed—for context, I have lifelong heart issues but they were under control before the burnout—and I'm talking with my now ex about signing a DNR. Also because my social life is nonexistent I'm super lonely and won't probably get in a relationship ever again.
I'm 24 years old...
23. Canceled
I had a ticket to a concert that I wasn’t sure I wanted to go to anymore—I wasn’t feeling great and one of the band members had recently been “MeToo’d”, so the idea of actively going and supporting them felt icky. I was hoping the show would get canceled or something so I wouldn’t have to make the decision.
The show did end up getting canceled.
It got canceled because someone got shot in front of the venue two hours before the doors were supposed to open.
24. Dream House Whatsoever
When I was little I wished I lived in a two-story house with a dog and a cat. It happened—but not at all in the way I expected. My foster family, after being taken from my mom, had the house and the pets. But I cried myself to sleep every night. I had to endure this for a couple of months. She won me back, but I still feel guilty about my wish. I mean I was like seven but still.
25. Sabbatical Gone Wrong
Earlier this year, I wished for a long holiday away from work where I could just kick back, relax and do nothing all day. Sweet, sweet relief from any responsibility. This was in January.
At the end of that month, I got declared unfit for work due to a mental breakdown. I was off for four months. I came back and my therapist told me to “Get a new job with something less stressful”. I left said job for a new job. The first week was God awful and had to leave that job.
Now, I’m unemployed.
Song_about_summer, Shutterstock
26. Family Tree
When I was a kid I used to love seeing my cousins, but they lived far away so they’d only come for a few days one or two times a year. I wished I could see them again, for longer this time. My oldest cousin fell out of a tree and got flown out to a hospital near us, the family stayed with us for several weeks. That wasn’t how I’d envisioned their next big visit.
27. Back With The Family For A Long Long Time
I didn’t exactly deeply wish for it, but in my sophomore year of college, I had the realization that I would be permanently moving out of my parent’s house in a couple of years. So, I wanted to spend time with my family while I easily could—I was working under the assumption that I would be moving far away. So, I decided to go home for Spring Break a day earlier than I originally planned.
Well, this was the end of February 2020, so I went on Spring Break, and then school went remote for the rest of the year, and then my college had the juniors and seniors be remote that fall. So yeah, I got to spend a lot of time with my family, but there was a massive pandemic and I didn’t get to go back to campus and see my friends for nearly a year.
28. Quit Barking
A couple of years ago my wife and I moved into our current house. Well for a couple of weeks, the neighbors behind us had this dog that barked at everything. For some reason, I made a cruel joke that I deeply regret—I jokingly said that I was going to take that dog’s life, but one night we were laying in bed and we heard our neighbor come home and run her dog over. He didn’t die immediately but we never saw the dog again.
29. I Want You To Be My Wife
I dated my high school sweetheart in 2003. Over the next few years we dated on and off until 2007 when she broke my heart and left me. I prayed and hoped that we could rekindle. Years later, she was with a guy that got her pregnant and ditched her. She asked to be back in my life and we got married for 10 years with four kids...but it was too good to be true. She cheated on me for four months with this other guy and my mental health deteriorated, called a crisis line twice now she wants an open marriage.
Here is the love of my life betraying me and treating me like dirt. I want to be with her, but I struggle to be in the situation. So, I got what I wanted but the consequences were far beyond what I could handle.
Oh and the guy she cheated on me was homeless. Turns out she has a big savior complex which is why she picks those men.
Now I have our four kids—one isn’t mine—and trying to live and do right by them. My wife on the other hand is getting divorced and it pains me so much she threw away 13 years—ten married—for some random guy.
30. I Am Now A Great Applicant
I had wished that I had something compelling to write about for my college "trauma essay", particularly an experience that would exemplify why I had an interest in the healthcare field. Then my grandparents developed respiratory and cardiovascular ailments, my aunt got cancer, my uncle became bedridden, and my mom developed Alzheimer's. I became their caregiver.
31. Men-Oh-Pause!
My girlfriend went into menopause. Her chest got larger and firmer. They were incredible! Like a perfect boob job, the best you have ever seen. Then came mood swings like you can't believe. She had trouble at work. Trouble with her neighbors. Trouble with her landlord. She had trouble with her family. All while I'm doing everything to help her, trying to get her help. Eventually, she got violent. It hurt me and turned out to be hitting my dog. I left. Even left my things behind. She lived in high-end apartments and I could see her screaming in the parking lot throwing my possessions into the road. About five years later, I contacted her on Facebook. She lost her job. She got evicted and moved to stay with her daughter's family.
32. Don’t Look Up
We were updating our home, and the vinyl siding was a grey/blue color, so we painted the wood siding and the front door in colors to go with the vinyl siding.
Our roof was red-hue brown shingles, and one day I was standing in the street looking at the house and thought to myself, “Man, I wish there was a way to change the roof color to go with the rest of the house.” Well, fate answered my plea—but not in the way I was hoping.
Two weeks later we sprang a leak and had to get a whole new roof.
33. Plot Twist Valentine’s
Years ago, a week or so before Valentine's Day, my wife mentioned to me how she wished we could spend all of Valentine's Day in bed.
We got to spend all of Valentine's Day in bed. We both ended up with room-spinning, projectile-vomiting flu. We had it so bad, my in-laws had to watch our children for us.
About halfway through the day, I turned to her and said, "Well, you got to spend today in bed. How do you like it so far?" She just laughed and replied, "Not what I had in mind."
34. Darn Hormones
When I was a young, pre-pubescent boy, I was jealous of teenagers with acne. At that age, pimples were a sign of maturity, and I couldn't wait to be old enough to have them too.
At about fourteen, I started getting a few pimples here and there, and I was pleased. Then I turned fifteen and some more came in. By the time I was sixteen, I looked like a pepperoni pizza all over my face. I'm twenty-one now and still have acne problems. What I wouldn't do for the days of a clear complexion…
35. A Job In The City
I had my first serious relationship in my senior year in high school. He was a few years older, already had a college degree, and was working an entry-level job but wanted something better.
He had a job interview in a town a couple of hours from where we lived. Selfishly, I did not want him to get the job, so I hoped with all my might that he wouldn't get it. He didn't, and I rejoiced.
Then, he got a job interview in a town 1600 miles away, and he did get that job, which meant we had to break up so he could move several states away. We might have made it work with the job a couple of hours away, but not the one he ended up getting.
This happened many years ago and I am beyond over the relationship at this point, but it took a while.
36. Mother Nature’s Surprise
A friend and I were sleeping out on the beach. We had recently made a scary movie so we were still a little freaked out about small stuff. We were in the process of going to bed when the wind picked up. All of a sudden we heard these creepy wind chimes; they were terrifying. I wished that the waves would pick up so that they would block out the sound of the wind chimes. The waves started to pick up and got to the point that the beach was slowly disappearing. Then it started to drizzle and all of these bugs came out of nowhere. There were tiny centipedes everywhere. By this point my attitude was “Let’s just go back to the house” but my friend needed one more thing to push him over the edge. The waves had taken over the beach there were bugs everywhere, it was wicked windy and the wind chimes had not stopped. Then it started to downpour. He just screamed out “Let's go!” and we went up to the house. It was such a good night until I wished for bigger waves to drown out something that wasn't important.
Cast Of Thousands, Shutterstock
37. Don’t Trust Your Metabolism
I was always a skinny kid. While I was active, I just had a super fast metabolism. I tried to do everything I could to gain some weight. I ate lots of things that would make a normal person fat. Donuts, Triple Burgers, everything with extra mayo or fried, nothing. I wished more than anything that I could only gain some weight. I bought a dog food-sized bag of "Mega Mass 2000" at GNC, gulped down 3000 calorie shakes—and found out shortly I was severely lactose intolerant—but still nothing. When I graduated high school, I weighed 125 lbs after hitting the buffet. Lifting weights made me cut, but did not add any mass. I'm 5'8 for reference.
Present day, I have a stubborn 10 lbs that just doesn't want to leave me. I weigh about 163-165 now. People who haven't seen me since high school are surprised when they see me. They're like, darn, you got fat.
38. I Talk Meow Now
I wished I could stay at home all day with my cats. Boom, I was on dialysis with stage five kidney failure. I did work two more years before going on disability and then I was too sick to enjoy much about being home, but I still got what I wished for. I'm doing much better now and still stay home with the cats because now I work from home. It'd be nice if I had enough money not to work but I think I've tempted fate enough.
Mehmet Turgut Kirkgoz , Pexels
39. Oops!
There was a girl I crushed on from kindergarten to 12th grade, but never felt I was in her league, and was too afraid of rejection. At the ten-year high school reunion, she starts chatting me up and I am loving it as she’s still gorgeous. She then starts griping about all the Jews in our class. 23 years of dreaming gone in an instant.
40. Climbing Up The Corporate Ladder
I had hoped my boss would retire when the company announced early retirement packages. I was next in line for a promotion, having been trained for the role for several years, been designated as his primary delegate and alternate when he was absent for the prior 3+ years, was senior to both of my teammates, and had about four times the experience on the job.
He retired all right, but his boss suddenly quit days before he was to leave, and a couple of other key senior leaders left for various reasons all at the same time—all while we were amid a reorganization. It took a couple of weeks for the remaining leaders to straighten everything out and appoint new leadership from the top down, during which time the company announced a hiring freeze and a block on promotions. Our team was realigned to report to a director who worked several hours away, assumed my coworker—who's slightly older and had a higher title as he has some specific technical expertise that we valued, but otherwise less experience in actual management and operations—was senior to me and gave him my role and responsibilities without promotion, not realizing that I was already doing that work.
I raised a fuss, and their reply only infuriated me more. "Sorry, we didn't realize, there was no real continuity provided to us and we had no idea, but we're not going to change it because imagine how you would feel if we gave you increased responsibility and then took it away for no real reason?" To which I replied, "I don't need to imagine it, you just did that to me". My coworker, either by intent or stupidity—or both—pretty much set to work upending years of established best practices, took away projects from me, and cut me out of a lot. I continued to raise concerns and protests, which initially fell on deaf ears, but eventually started gaining traction with our director who grew increasingly frustrated with events that were transpiring as a result of the coworker's drama.
And then, a crisis more or less caused by my coworkers' incompetence erupted—another senior leader got fed up with it, blamed our director for it, and forced his bosses to promote my coworker to manage affairs locally. Said coworker, now my boss, spent no time continuing to demonstrate he lacks the experience, temperament, and mindset needed to lead the team. This was something that our director was pretty blunt in saying himself during a recent conversation with me. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem he's being held accountable for anything even though it looks to most other observers that he's intentionally mismanaging and targeting me to continue to minimize my role, responsibilities, and general importance, as he has continued to strip me of many of the roles, responsibilities, and authorities that I previously had before my bosses retirement.
As you can imagine I'm pretty upset and depressed about it all, and am pretty desperately trying to get out before it gets any worse.
41. School’s Out
In the 2018-2019 school year, I had just started teaching high school at a new school. Long story short, the principal I had was very disturbing, and was arguably the most negative boss I've ever had in my life. So many days were awakened by negative emails, and even though I was in my first year at this school—a very tough school to teach at— he jumped down my throat for almost everything. I was praying that he would retire, and/or quit-and I got my wish! In April 2019, he announced he was leaving the school for a new job. I jumped for joy when I got home that day, and finished the school year in a good mood literally every day.
Unfortunately, the new principal we got was even worse, but in a completely different way. The new principal we had was the epitome of problematic positivity—the polar opposite of the former principal—and refused to discipline any students. Then, in 2020, and 2021, the COVID-19 Pandemic was thrown into the mix, and I hated my life even more. The principal made it clear he didn't care for my teaching, but he would always have a smile on his face, and had this "We need to get through all of this together" rhetoric, even though we were drowning in work and stress.
The new principal essentially forced me to quit my job, and my career as a teacher.
42. I Hate My Nail, I Love My Dog
I had a fingernail that was a little funny-shaped. Not super noticeable, but the middle had a little too sharp of an angle so my nail would recede a little bit in the middle. It bothered me constantly. No one should notice unless they looked for it, but I always obsessed over it. I'd press on my nail to try to flatten it out for years and would get very slight results. I'd often pick at it and make it worse.
Anyways, my dog was sick for a while and would get grumpy because she didn't feel good. One day she took her frustration out on our other dog and I stepped in to break up the fight. I got bit on the finger. Including that nail.
It fractured my fingertip, cut up my skin, and destroyed the nail.
Weirdly enough, when it all healed, the angle was fixed and the nail no longer recedes in the middle. Minus a faint scar, it completely fixed my fingertip.
Hurt very much though! It fixed something that I obsessed about for so long in a weird, cursed way.
43. A Good Barbecue
I had eaten some very delicious barbecue that turned out to disagree with me. About thirty minutes later we were walking with friends and family through this quaint little downtown and I felt a rumble. I suddenly knew I had about two hundred seconds to either find a toilet or fill my pants. I began walking in that dignified style of quick walk and clenched butt, turned a corner, and by some miracle there stood a porta-john in a park.
Cut to me opening the door to discover why a traveling amusement park chose to abandon this one a week prior.
Nicoleta Ionescu, Shutterstock
44. Work, Work, Work
I work at a large, multi-department legal firm. One of my co-workers was an assistant to two attorneys who were generally self-sufficient, so she didn't have a lot of work to do. She expressed to some of us that she was desperate for more work.
Not long after, we were hit with an unexpected turn of events—the assistant to the managing director either quit or got fired. None of us know which and it doesn't matter.
This managing director is the busiest attorney in the busiest department in the firm. Most assistants are assigned to two or three attorneys, but his assistant works solely for him because of how much he does. Only such case in the whole firm.
HR heard her and re-designated her as the managing director's assistant, so she will never have to worry about being short on work again. Her worry now is when will it slow down and the answer is: never.
45. A New Vehicle
Since I started driving motorcycles I wanted A triumph T595. I just love the sound of the triple and it looks nice too with its special look and single-sided swingarm. Now I'm quite poor but I managed to sell my car for good money and a cheap 955i came up so I bought it. There were some issues with it but I started fixing things and thought I was doing fine, then spring came and went to ride it and it ran like a bag of spanners. I spent six months trying to fix the error, but winter came and I didn't ride more than a few horrible miles. I then spent the winter on it and come spring I was sure I had fixed it as I had done loads of small fixes. I drove it and it was the same. I got angry and sold it for half of what I paid. Now I can't even look at one without feeling a great seething anger inside.
scott wright, CC BY 2.0 ,Wikimedia Commons
46. Stop Picking Him
I dated a sensitive artist in college. I was working nights and weekends as a stripper at the time, and I supported him fully. Every couple of months, he would have a moral emergency over my job, dump me, date some freshman for a few weeks, then call me when he ran out of food. This went on for an entire year. Ultimately, I paid for everything he needed for his gallery opening, helped him set everything up, and as soon as the doors opened, he dumped me again, because the entire exhibit was crafted to win the heart of a girl who had dumped him two years prior.
I wanted to be with him more than anything in the world. I got a tattoo based on his art. He and the girl from 2 years prior got engaged. I traveled the country to distract myself from heartache.
We wound up back in the same state for a few months and I became his mistress. I was with him, but not in the way I wanted to be. Just like before, I was dancing, and sometimes he would freak out and send me away, but he always came back when he was hungry.
Eventually, he decided he wasn't going to choose between me and his fiancee. He convinced both of us that we should meet in person and he was going to explain how he loved and needed us both. The day we were supposed to meet, my Dad passed away and I took to opportunity to run several states away.
Four months later he emailed me. He broke up with his fiancee. I was the only girl for him. I moved back in with him in January. I tried to distance myself from my past, being as modest and “housewifey” as possible. I baked banana bread. I greeted him at the door with expensive microbrew beet. I bought him two trucks.
A week before our wedding, I tried to take my own life. I didn't know what was wrong, only that I hated everything about myself and I wanted to stop the constant pain. We got married anyway. I tried again two weeks later.
Within four months, I realized the reason I hated myself was because my husband was psychologically and emotionally draining. In the last month, we were together, he choked me four times. I finally left after the last time, when I found myself face down in the bed I had bought, calmly wondering if he was going to release me before I ran out of air.
47. Don’t Curse The Oppressor, Please
My next-door neighbor was three years older than me and bullied me from grades 5-8. I regularly told him that since he was older than me, he would die first, amongst other dumb little kid things to say. When I was in 8th grade and he was a junior in high school, he was tipsy driving, hit a van, and passed away. My mom came in to tell me at 2 am when she got home from work—she's a registered nurse. She woke me up and simply said “Jim passed”.
I smiled and went back to sleep, and never knew quite how to react to it after that.
house bacon
Dmytro Zinkevych, Shutterstock
48. An Excuse For A Makeup Exam
As a middle schooler, I wished that I didn’t have to go to school the next morning because I hadn’t prepared for a test. I planned on faking sick to get out of it, but I didn’t have to. Our house was broken into overnight while we were home. I got out of the test because my parents kept us home after it happened.
49. Breaking News
When I was in 5th grade, it was spring break. I remember on Thursday, I looked at the local newspaper and there was a picture of some kids playing in the sprinkler. I distinctly remember telling my mom, “I wish my picture was in the paper”.
The next day, a group of us—11 total—packed into a VW minibus and when on an hour's drive to tour the Coors brewery. About 20 minutes into the trip, we got sideswiped by a semi. Thankfully everyone survived, some had major injuries. That evening, not only was my picture in the paper but the front page headline.
cowboy ones
50. We’re Sorry To Inform You…
I got accepted into my dream university for a two years master's program that let me live in Europe again, and then about two weeks after my acceptance letter arrived, I received the worst news—my dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer—that only gives him roughly one year or two. If we’re exceptionally lucky.
