When people remember random things, it’s often embarrassing and completely ruins our day. Well, the same goes for arbitrary childhood memories. Try as we may, those memories seem to slip into our consciousness at the most inconvenient times. But, the good news is that we’re all united in our humiliation.
#1 Not the Bees!
Someone my mom knew came over for a visit. Her son and I went outside to play. He accidentally rattled a bee’s nest and they started swarming. He yelled, “Run for your life!” so I did. The last thing I remember was looking back while running away and seeing him punching the bees. I don’t know who he was or what happened to him. My mom has no recollection of this.
#2 Flooding the House
I once wet my bed and got up to go tell my mom, but when I walked into the hallway there were inches of water on the ground because the washer had flooded it. I just sat down on the floor, in the dark, and cried because I thought I had flooded the house with my urine. I think about this more often than I’d like.
#3 Swear Words
I was in first grade and we were watching Pinocchio for some reason. I whispered to my friend that the A-word was the swear word for "donkey.” The teacher loudly informed me, by name, that it was not a swear word for a donkey and to please be quiet. I'm sure nobody cared or noticed, but it embarrassed me enough that I still think about it 30 years later.
#4 Meek and Portly
In the fourth grade one day, we had a substitute teacher. He was short, overweight, red hair, and balding. Overall, I'd describe him as "meek and portly.” Back then, I was a very overweight and shy ginger kid. One of my classmates raised his hand and asked, "Can we call you Future Jared?" The entire class laughed at both of us. Kids are mean.
#5 White Chairs
I once was on a family trip to Houston to see my grandmother. At the time, I was roughly seven years old. We were on the back roads in a country area. There were some solid white cows looking over a fence line that was overgrown with little trees, those weeds that get so big and thick they turn into trees. So, I said, "Mommy, daddy, look. There's white chairs in the trees! I bet they make the best soup." I have no idea what I was thinking.
#6 Calming Flash
I remember laying in a play tent on my back with my legs crossed in the air, bobbing my foot, surrounded by stuffed animals. I was looking at a picture book, pretending that I could read. This was either in preschool or kindergarten. It's a nice little calming flash of childhood that pops into my head every now and then.
#7 Screaming and Crying
I once started crying and ran away from everyone screaming, "I hate my life!" For some reason, I remember doing that while I was on the playground in kindergarten. To be honest, I have no clue why, I just did it. The older girls on the playground who came to check on me cheered me up and I immediately felt better.
#8 Have a Nut
I was in kindergarten and I had collected these huge nuts from a tree during recess. A girl across from me had a huge birthmark on her arm and I kept staring at it. She got upset at me and was about to tell the teacher. I said, “No please! Here, have a nut!” She smirked, gladly took the nut, and didn’t tell on me.
#9 The Tough Questions
When I was eight, I first learned about intercourse. So the following day I went up to all my friends' parents in the public swimming pool that everyone went to. I kept saying stuff like, "Did you have intercourse?" "You had it!" "Did you have intercourse to make Cayden?" etc. all while laughing. Then, I kept wondering why they all looked so offended, despite me clearly understanding it was a taboo subject. My dad swiftly took me home once he learned. I guess one of the parents must have eventually complained. I even remember being like, "Aw, I wish Connor’s mom was there then I could have asked her."
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#10 Two Seconds Flat
I know that kids can be weird, but this sticks out the most. I remember very vividly, one day, sitting at the lunch table with my second-grade class. A kid down the table picked up his orange Juicy Juice juice box and said, "I can suck this baby down in two seconds flat!" He did. Reader, I married him 20 years later.
#11 Wrestling Match
For some reason, I wrestled with a goose. That stupid bird got me pinned down and pecked on chest and throat while I use all my strength as a seven-year-old kid trying to choke its long neck. Well, my dad came to rescue me and then I cried until I was asleep. Let me tell you, geese aren’t here to play with us humans.
#12 Bunny Man
Bunny Man. I remember this weird dude in a bunny suit who used to roll up outside my elementary school on a custom bike, blaring creepy carnival music out of a portable record player. (It was sped up, too, so the voices were high and warbled). It was a whole thing, parents were worried he was a creep and trying to groom or abduct a kid.
#13 Out of Spite
I remember when the Yorkie bars were advertised as "Not for girls!" Forward-thinking, aren't they? When I was six, I got really upset because I wanted one but they were not for girls. I took that literally because I was a kid. Nowadays, I eat Yorkies a lot purely out of spite because I never forgot the torment they caused me all those years ago. They taste great, though.
#14 Birthday Wishes
I remember when I was five or six and a guy from my neighborhood wished me a happy birthday. I responded, "Happy birthday to you too, Tommy.” Then I ran away mortified that I had responded to his happy birthday with the same reply. I felt like such a putz. Plot twist, it was his birthday too so my response surprised him. I had no idea.
#15 From the Glass
We were all probably around two years old and sitting in kindergarten. The teacher asked us if we drank milk from the baby bottle or from the mug. Everybody answered but there was this kid who said, "I drink from the glass." I never forgot that moment for some reason, despite the fact that I know it’s pretty random.
#16 Talked and Talked
I was about three, which means my brother was five. We went to a friend of my mom's house. The lady had three sons. All of the boys got to go play in the yard on their Slip 'n Slide, but I had to sit at the kitchen table with the moms, doing nothing while they talked and talked forever. I was really mad. At the time I thought it was because I was the only girl. In hindsight, maybe it was because I was too small and they thought I would get hurt. Still, they could’ve given me something to do!
#17 Lots of Ants
Ants, lots of ants. I have a vague memory of being woken up by my mom, telling me that we should leave our small wooden house immediately. Fast forward and I was looking at our house absolutely full of ants, crawling through the walls, covering the entire structure of that small shack we used to live in. I could even see some ants carrying cockroaches that were inside the house, now becoming food for that unstoppable army.
Then they just went away. Honestly, it was like our house was just in their way and they moved on. We lived nearby a small river, so there were lots of trees and such. I don't know how legit this memory is, though. Maybe my child perspective made things look ten times worse, but I can vividly see that happening.
#18 A Few Things
There are a few that come to mind. First, I remember my dad telling me, "You're no longer three, little boy" on my fourth birthday. I also remember crying in the first grade because I couldn't find my friend. Perhaps the most cringy thing I remember is trying to go number one in a bottle, then missing it and going all over the car. (I was six.)
#19 In the Grass
My mom had a friend over and they were hanging out on the back patio. My dad came and got me with a mischievous look on his face. He lit a smoke bomb and threw it out a second-storey window so it landed in the grass, and we both giggled. The women didn’t react at all. She just went, “Huh, (dad) must have thrown that.”
#20 Best Friends
As a kid, I had a huge crush on my best friend. Honestly, I can see why — he was a good guy. Anyway, I had told him I was moving to a different part of the city and wouldn’t be going to the same school anymore. He hugged me and said, “I love you, you’re my best friend.” I’ll never forget that moment, as it’s the only time anyone has ever said those words to me.
#21 Food From Strangers
I was eating a bag of chocolate cookies and let one fall to the floor. An old lady who just bought some saw me desperately try to reach it and offered one. I accepted and was about to eat it when my mom came out of absolutely nowhere and slapped it right out of my hand, scaring me. She thought it was the floor cookie. Nowadays she justifies it by saying, "You shouldn't accept food from strangers."
#22 Irrational Fear
I had a sink fall on my head when I was three or four. I was at an orange-themed home improvement store and wandered away from my parents while they looked at vanities. It was then that I saw a pretty porcelain sink on the second shelf. I tried to climb up to get a better look, grabbing the rim of the sink. Apparently, it wasn’t secured and already tilted at an angle, so the entire thing tipped over and took me down. I remember screaming on the floor with huge shards of porcelain around me. So, I had an irrational fear of that store for a long time.
#23 Spoonful of Mayo
I didn't want to try some mayonnaise-based dish that my mother either purchased or made. It stank and it didn't look appetizing to five-year-old me. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door, only to be tricked by her saying that she wouldn't force me to eat it. When I opened the door, she shoved the spoon in my mouth as I was walking out. I can't stand mayo because of that.
#24 All Day Crying
Once in the second grade, I remember looking for my sister everywhere and crying all day because I couldn't find her. She was in the fourth grade and would always play in the same area during recess, but she just wasn't there that day. I was distraught until the final period when I remembered she was on a school trip. I just completely forgot and spent all day crying.
#25 The Vent Seal
I was afraid of the seal living in my closet vent. When I was three, I watched an Animal Planet documentary on seals and was left terrified. I had a decent-sized walk-in closet at the time and because I was three, the closet was huge to me. There was this one vent at the top and the vent made weird noises, noises that reminded me of a seal. So from that day onward, I was terrified to go into my closet alone because I feared the vent seal was going to get me.
#26 Ready to Rumble
My brother and I were obsessed with WWE Raw and for some reason, we decided to replicate one of those body slams using a big cardboard box. We were seven and it didn't cross our minds that our body weight would actually smash the box. Well, my brother ended up doing that elbow move and he ended up breaking his arm. He was in so much pain and now that I think about it, I think I was rooting him on to do it. We didn't have much money back then so that trip to the E.R really upset my dad.
#27 Remember Forever
When I was eight, I was in the back of my parents’ car and I thought, "I wonder if I can create a memory right now that I will remember forever.” I was looking at a BP gas station with a middle-aged bald guy with glasses wiping off his windshield. So, 20 years later, that’s the image I still remember. I wonder what he’s up to.
#28 Totally Random Scene
It was the 1976 Bicentennial Fourth of July celebration and there were tons of kids and families at the park. There was this older kid hanging out who, looking back now, looked a lot like "Sid" from Toy Story . I watched as he lit a firecracker, and threw it into a crowd of people. Some dude around 30 grabbed that kid by the neck and steered him up to the parking lot. The crowd cheered him a bit. I couldn’t see what was happening but it sounded like the kid must have punched the older guy who in return punched back. I heard the boy crying. It’s a totally random scene that stuck with me all these years.
#29 Creepy Phone
I used to play with an old broken Mickey Mouse rotary telephone. It was never connected to the wall, ever. I was play-calling 911 and simultaneously acting as a dispatcher. About two hours later, a cop actually came to my house saying there was a call to 911. My dad was furious with me but I was adamant I never called. It wasn’t even plugged in! My room didn’t even have a phone line either. I was super creeped out by that phone after that and never used it again.
#30 The Glass Outside
When I was three or four, I thought the words "glass" and "grass" were both pronounced "glass." I remember trying to tell my sister something about our lawn and kept talking about the "glass" outside. She was naturally confused, so I tried to point to it. However, when I pointed at the lawn and said "glass" she thought I was pointing at the window, which furthered the confusion. I remember getting so angry that I couldn't make her understand what I meant.
#31 New Girl’s House
In the fourth grade, I moved to a new school. When I finally stayed the night at a girl’s house from this new school, I walked into her bedroom for the first time and it smelled really weird. Her dad ended up coming in and trying to find what the smell was. I vividly remember him looking under her bed and pulling out a deceased possum.
Later that night, her dad made us take shots of lemon juice. We watched The Bone Collector and I threw up spaghettios at like 1:00 a.m. That girl then yelled at me for throwing up because she thought I was going to wake up her grandma. Unfortunately, I didn’t eat spaghettios for something like 12 years after that.
#32 Austin the Cowboy
When I was a kid, I didn't have an imaginary friend, I had an imaginary boyfriend. His name was Austin the Cowboy. He asked me to marry him. My grandmother sewed me a dress with a veil and made a matching bouquet and even baked me a cake. My family friends were invited. It was almost like the real thing. I left him at the altar.
#33 Funeral Home
Our local funeral home used to park their hearses in rented garages at the end of the road. One day, I was walking home, eating ice cream and the funeral director just walked up and said, "Hey there!" He then pretended like he was going to take it and said, "Haha, thanks. I needed a laugh" Then, he kept walking. As a kid, I thought he was just being a jerk. As an adult, I'm willing to bet he'd just had to do a really unpleasant funeral and needed to do something lighthearted.
#34 Papier-Mache Bedsheet
I wet my bed when I had the flu (age five or so). Instead of going to tell my mom, I got up, changed my pajamas, and then used the tissues from the box on my nightstand to "mop up" the liquid. Really, I just stuck tissues all over the spot to make a sort of terrible papier-mache on my bedsheet. I then moved to the other side of the bed and went back to sleep. My mom was not pleased.
#35 Back Massager
A back massager fell on my lap when I was eight and that’s how I discovered the art of alone time. But, I thought it was a normal thing to do around my family members, so I did it in front of my mom. She screamed, “What are you doing?!” I said, “My thighs hurt, so I’m massaging them” because I was in a panic. I really thought I got away with it at that age. It literally still haunts me years later.
#36 White or Chocolate?
During snack time in kindergarten, we had the choice of either regular milk or chocolate milk in those little cartons. Naturally, most kids picked chocolate. One day, this quiet, smart boy got chocolate milk. Then, unprompted, he said defiantly, "Tomorrow, I'm gonna get white milk and I'm gonna open it backwards!" I don't know why, but it stuck with me this whole time. It was pretty cute and random. Kids are weird.
#37 Grandma’s Warpath
My grandmother who raised me was horribly toxic, physically, and emotionally. I was nine and my sister was 13. One day, she was on the warpath destroying my stuff and screaming at me and I guess ran out of awful names to call me. So, she looked at me and screamed, "You, you pimp!” My sister and I looked at each other super confused and just erupted with laughter. An extreme whopping followed.
#38 So Much Regret
When I was seven years old, I took a brick and hit my friend (I think we had a fight or something). Of course, he was injured badly. But a few days later, I was going to get hit by a car while crossing the road and he saved me. I had so much regret that I almost cried right in front of him. But now, he doesn't talk to me much.
#39 Baby Sister
When a was three, my little sister was about four months old. One day, we had some relatives come to visit and she started crying. My parents, for some reason, didn't hear her cry, so I went to the room she was and got in the crib. I tried putting the pacifier back in her mouth about five times, but she didn't want it. At that point, I was angry and was ready to slap her, but I stopped because, finally, my mother got into the room with my auntie. They thought it was cute (me been in the crib and try to stop her from crying). I really didn't like my sister when she was a baby.
#40 New Discoveries
I was in kindergarten and everyone had gotten stung by a bee but me. We were sitting in our designated carpet squares for storytime. I then saw a dead bee. So, I slowly moved my hand over to its stinger. Boom. I didn't cry, but my hand started to swell. That was how I found out I'm allergic to bees. My dad picked me up right away and the school nurse had me hold a small vile with green liquid on the area the stinger went in.
#41 Road Rage
I was six and in the car with my mom. This guy was driving the wrong way down a one-way street, so my mom beeped at him and said, "Wrong way!" The guy had the audacity to yell expletives at her and I remember being so furious that he was disrespectful to my mom. So, I screamed, "That’s my mama, you dumb idiot!" out her window. I got yelled at, but I totally told him off!
#42 Pretty Woman
The entire lyrics to “Pretty Woman” Between the ages one and one and a half, me and my dad would dance to this song. As I got older, I’d wonder what that song was and why I knew it. A year ago, I watched the movie and finally realized where the song was from. Although, now I realize it was about a woman and not a goat.
#43 The Best Kitty
My cat had kittens when I was four. She had two normally but the third one got stuck. My babysitter was freaking out and so was my cat, a little. She was wailing in pain and trying to hide. I remember my babysitter telling me to stay away from her but I walked right up and plucked the kitten out. I carried it to her little nesting box and they were both fine. After that, I was the only one she would let around her kittens. I had that kitty from ages two to 17. She was the best. We then got her fixed so she wouldn’t have any more litters.
#44 Mrs. King
I was trying to look up the word pumpkin in the second grade to spell it as an answer to a question. It wasn’t a spelling test, so I could have just spelled it like a second grader and it would have still been correct. My teacher walked up behind me and spelled it out loud, rather aggressively. Any time I see a pumpkin now, I hear Mrs. King's voice in my head. I'm 35.
#45 Flavorless Gum
I was around seven and we were at a parade. My gum had lost all its flavor. My mom taught me never to spit my gum on the ground and we were boxed in with the crowd. So I decided the best spot would be the top of my three-year-old sister’s head. The heat of the summer made it gooey by the time my mom noticed and they had to cut her waist-length hair off super short. I wasn’t allowed to chew gum for a good year or so after that.
#46 Point and Shoe
I remember before I could speak properly my dad put me to bed and I still had my shoes on. I called him in the room and tried to tell him my shoes were still on. I couldn’t quite say it so I lifted my leg up and pointed at my foot. Another random one is when I punched a hole in the wall at my great grandparents’ house because my cousins said I couldn't do it.
#47 Pretty in Pre-School
I only made friends with pretty girls during pre-school and once I figured out this one girl spoke only Spanish, I didn't want to be her friend anymore. After recess, everyone sat down in the hallway to get water. I yelled at her from the other side that we weren't friends anymore. I got in huge trouble for it.
#48 In the Pocket
Before we moved into our new home, it was being renovated. I vividly remember it was an absolute mess. I ran around the garden while the builders worked inside with my dad. Me and my sisters found snails and decided to put them in my pockets. Hours later when we had to leave, I remembered the snails. They were completely stuck to the inside of my pockets and weren’t coming out when I tugged at them. I cried because I thought they were in my skin and would never come out. I think the snails were okay.
#49 So Lucky
I really randomly remember being somewhere around seven years old and telling mom that I thought boys were so lucky because they get to marry girls. I was so nervous to come out to my family as a lesbian but they probably all already knew because I’d say stuff like that as a kid. So, it wasn’t a shock to any of us.
#50 Not the Same
My sister and I playing outside and, me being a boy, I could just pee wherever I wanted to. She tried to do the same thing and ended up going all over her underwear. I remember my mom was really angry and she also said we shouldn’t do that because a bad man might see us and do something bad to us. I had no idea what that meant.