There’s an old expression that goes: “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.” However, at the end of the day, we’re all human beings and we have more in common than we sometimes would like to admit. Unfortunately, there are an incredible amount of stereotypes surrounding both genders that are present in everyday life.
For example, it is said that men shouldn’t talk about their feelings, while women are expected to be overly emotional. Generalizations like these do nothing but prevent us from living our full humanity. The best thing to do is to hear what both sides have to say for themselves. Do you agree with these opinions? Read on to find out... (ladies first):
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#1 Attire Approval
Women are fastidious about their attire. They adhere to seemingly frivolous fashion trends because they operating with the assumption that other women will be scrutinizing their every action. Every woman feels inhibited by her clothing choices because most other women are condemnatory. No woman is dressing for the benefit of men alone. She's trying to elicit approval from other women. When a woman compliments you, you know you look absolutely spectacular.
#2 It's A Science
Crying really can make us feel better. Sometimes, we even try to make ourselves do it on purpose in order to feel some relief. When we're frustrated and upset about something that we can't seem to fully process, we might seek out sad movies or songs so we can get it over whatever funk we're dealing with. It's a science.
#3 Comfort In Silence
Just being in your company, hanging out, reading, or playing video games in a comfortable silence is one of the best ways to spend time with you. So don’t worry about talking all the time or scrambling for new conversation topics—we simply appreciate spending time with you and being in you presence. It's that simple.
#4 Lady Locker Talk
I don’t think guys realize how inappropriate women can be. My friends and I talk about going #2 just as much as men. We're crude too. We talk like sailors too. We even have our own “locker room” talk. I can only speak for myself, but when a guy asks me what I am thinking and I say nothing, usually, like the guys have said, I am thinking about saving the world from a T-Rex, being a member of Avengers, or living with the VonTrapp family. I just don’t want to admit where my imagination has wandered off to.
#5 Up Your Sleeve
Men with somewhat veiny forearms and pushed up sleeves are a godsend. I like the sleeves because they like kind of leave things to the imagination. Muscular arms are another one—they look great, no doubt; but the hard work and dedication that person took in developing them are even more impressive. The effort is another thing that I appreciate from men, which may or may not be a part of why I like muscles in the first place.
#6 The Bag Trick
If you see me walking into the bathroom with a makeup bag, I'm not doing my makeup. Usually, I'll already have a full face of makeup on, so there wouldn't be anything to add, really. The truth is, I have my period and I hide my tampons in the bag. It's a trick that a lot of women use because really... Who wants to walk around with a tampon in plain view?
#7 Hug It Out
Sometimes a hug will do a million times more good than trying to get me to explain why I’m upset, largely because I’m probably overwhelmed with my feelings and need time to process them before I can explain them. The fastest way to process and get them out? A hug. Give me a hug first, then maybe I'll be ready to talk.
#8 Monthly Matters
Periods suck overall, but they are very different depending on the girl! Some women get emotional, while others are completely normal. Some periods last for eight days, some last for three days. Some girls are in extreme pain, and some just have mild discomfort. “I’m on my period” can mean anything from “Sorry, I’m completely incapacitated,” to “I’m just feeling a little worse than usual.”
#9 The Itchy Truth
Every so often, something itches. Is it a yeast infection? Is it a bacterial infection? Could it be dryness or irritation? Did something get stuck in my underwear? The answer is that 99% of the time everything is fine, but you're still going to worry and squirm uncomfortably trying to get it to stop. Being a girl is tough.
#10 Brace Yourself
We all have a favorite bra that we probably haven't washed in like, two weeks. This is the case despite the fact that most of us women own multiple bras. Among the selection, there is always going to be one bra that we favor of the others, just like men probably have a pair of boxers that they consider their favorite to wear.
#11 Pining For Pockets
A lot of guys don't notice this, but our pockets are basically nonexistent. It sounds like a minor problem, but it really is a pain in the butt to carry around your keys, your phone, etc. without proper pockets. That's why so many of us get big purses so that we don't have to struggle all day, but then it sucks to lug around a bag all day. I guess what I'm trying to say is, enjoy your huge, always there, pockets.
#12 Mr. Fix It All
Sometimes if I'm struggling with a mechanical problem, I want to struggle with it until I fix it. If you see that I'm having trouble and take the broken thing away from me to fix it on the spot, I lose the chance to fix my own problem. I think if we approach you for help, that's when it would be appropriate for you to step in.
#13 A Few Notes
A man's hands are so sexy. Hugs are sexy too. sometimes we just need a hug, but there is nothing more attractive than being pressed up against a hot guy enough to smell his cologne. Play with babies and animals, even if you just tolerate them. An attractive man holding a baby is ovary-explosion worthy. Biologically, women are more attracted to men who seem like they'd be good father figures.
Don't grab girls by the chin. It's weird. Run your fingers gently under her jaw, and if she pulls away, BACK OFF. I've seen too many guys just not get the hint when the girl they're into is bending over backward to avoid their lips. Nasty. Unless you know the girl, and she's comfortable with it, don't put your arms around her, or anyone.
#14 It's Not You, It's Us
Sometimes, when we don’t want to get it on with you, it has nothing to do with you. Most of the time, it's because we aren’t feeling attractive. We are feeling gross from menstruation or menopause. We have something troubling us. Maybe a yeast infection. Maybe we haven’t shaved. And sometimes, we really do have a headache.
#15 Pregnancy Always Possible
I don't know if it has been said, but I always think I'm pregnant. Craving a certain food? Must be pregnant. Feeling nauseous? Must be pregnant. My period didn't show up the minute I thought it would? I'm clearly having a child. Having said that, my husband and I are currently trying so I'm in a constant state of anticipation.
#16 Exit Strategy
If you're talking to a girl at a bar or a club and her friend comes up to you both with some reason to leave, the girl most likely asked her friend to do that. It's usually the safest way to get out of a creepy conversation or uncomfortable situation. Her friend isn't blocking you, you're most likely blocking yourself.
#17 Sweating In A Sundress
I would say this only applies to women who are slightly bigger, but this was an issue for me even when I was very slim. Thigh rubbage is horrible when you wear a dress or skirt, particular in summer! We're told to embrace our imperfections, but there's also nothing wrong with identifying problem areas and wanting to improve them!
#18 A Hairy Mess
When girls are particular about their hair products, it's not that they're being overly superficial or picky. When your hair is long, the right shampoo, conditioner and drying routine can be the difference between soft waves and a dry, ratty mess. It's just like how guys can be picky about what type of hair product to put in their hair.
#19 Look And Listen
Don't be afraid of our emotions. If we're freaking out about something, just actively listen. We don't need you to offer any solutions; just listen with eye contact and respond with simple nods or shakes of the head. Then, finish off the interaction with a hug. Most of the time, she'll be as good as new after that. She needs to know her emotions won't scare you off.
#20 Deciding On Dinner
If you ask us where we want to go for dinner and we can’t decide, there are possibly two reasons: 1) The last time we suggested a restaurant, you complained, so we aren’t going to pick again because we don’t want to deal with that again. 2) We aren’t craving anything, so anywhere is fine; go to Yelp and pick the closest place to you that you haven’t tried yet. Make it an adventure.
#21 Restroom Rumble
Public restroom standoffs are a thing. Each woman silently sits and waits for the other to make the first move or noise in order to let others know they are going #2. Some women might even wait on the toilet for everyone else in the bathroom to leave before doing their business. Women are just naturally shy when it comes to that stuff, I guess.
#22 Miss Me With The Mall
Not all of us enjoy shopping. A lot of my female friends find shopping a chore. Unless required, we would rather sit at home on the couch and shop online, instead of going to an actual store. If I take a long time to shop, it's because I can't find something specific and none of the staff knows where it is. It's very frustrating. I can't speak for others, but it's definitely the case for myself.
#23 The Fake Out
If a girl lies to you about having a boyfriend or gives you a fake phone number, it’s probably because she didn’t want to deal with the potential awkwardness or confrontation that would come from her saying she’s not interested. Of course, it sucks to be lied to, but many girls have found themselves in situations where men won't take them seriously. Don’t take it personally!
#24 The Messy Miracle Of Motherhood
Pregnancy is way harder than you think it is. Even on a good day, I had pain in obscure parts of my body that overwhelmed me. The exhaustion is unparalleled. The hormones, muscle spasms, bone aches, crushing fears, uncontrollable circumstances... It is a lot to handle, and you literally cannot get a break from those things until the kid comes out. Then, you have a whole new set of things to deal with. I say this as someone who actively wanted to get pregnant and will likely do it again someday. I love my daughter, and I loved a lot of things about being pregnant with her. But it was also kind of the worst. Birthing her was another nightmare in itself. So basically... React to pregnant and postpartum women with twice the kindness and empathy you think they deserve.
#25 Not Always Needy
Some of us like our alone time. Don't freak out if we don't text you back after a while. I'm the kind of girl that drops off the map for weeks at a time, but I always return. Always. I just like the outdoors and my quiet time.
#26 It's Not A Challenge
If a girl tells you she's a lesbian, believe her. Don't try to convince her you can change her mind, catch her in a lie, or question why she looks so girly if she's a lesbian. Nothing ruins my night faster than when I tell a guy this upfront so he knows I'm just trying to make a friend, and he turns it into a challenge. At the same time, there are some girls who say they're gay just to brush off a guy they're not interested in. I actually hate when girls do that. It's not fun to be a token excuse. In either case, you are wasting your time with a girl who doesn't want to hook up with you.
#27 Not That Complicated
Guys think that girls are really complex, but that's not always the case. I mean sure, sometimes I have a lot going on in my head. But other times, when we're in the car and you think I'm angry about something, I'm really just thinking, "I wish I'd ordered the tacos at dinner instead of the chicken," or "Did I remember to switch the laundry over? Darn."
#28 Bride-To-Be Fantasy
If I have been in a relationship with you for longer than three months, I have, and will, at some point, imagine you proposing, dancing with me at our wedding, holding our first baby, and playing soccer with the same kid. I also know what song will be playing during our first dance at the wedding and it's non-negotiable.
#29 A Girl's Guy
We actually, genuinely like when guys are okay with embracing some femininity or just appreciate girly things instead of mocking it. Seriously. You don’t have to like stereotypically feminine things, but it really makes us like you a lot more if you’re open to learning about things we like or being a little “girly” every once in a while. It shows you’re secure in yourself and not immature. Plus, it kind of sucks to have things you enjoy mocked so much because it’s seen as stereotypical.
#30 Lashing Out
Many compliments we make (on lashes, brows, skin, and other things) are given because we are low key envious. In my personal experience, men are the ones who own the best lashes, for example. It sucks to want long, luxurious lashes and only being able to achieve them with falsies or extensions while some men, who don't even care about their lashes, have the best ones.
#31 Desiring The Dad Bod
A good portion of us enjoys the "dad bod." We also base our attraction to a man on how he interacts with animals, babies, children, and other adults. I swear to God, a soft, snuggly belly and someone who attentively listens to a six-year-old tell an entire story is so much hotter than the buff guy that rolls up his sleeves every time he walks by.
#32 Whatever Suits You
Seeing a man in a well-fitted suit and tie is probably equivalent to men seeing women naked. My husband recently tried on some suits and every time he came out of the dressing room, my heart skipped a beat. There's just something about a man in a suit that drives me wild, and I'm sure other women out there can relate.
#33 All Made Up
A lot of times when we wear makeup, it's not because we feel insecure or we think we're ugly without it. We're also not trying to catfish anyone. Some of us just like putting on makeup because it complements our entire outfit, similar to what a tie does to a suit. It's also a lot of fun to learn the process of applying it.
#34 Work Dress Code
I wear dresses to work because women's professional separates are so expensive. It's easier and cheaper to buy an $80 dress than a $60 pair of pants and a $40 blouse. Plus, the quality will be a lot better. It sucks because if I had to choose, I would 100% go with a suit, but my bank account tells me otherwise.
#35 Hectic Hormones
Sometimes, I don’t know if I’m having a real mental breakdown or if it's just the PMS hormones making my brain weird. I mean, sometimes I do get so frustrated I break down and cry in a completely period-free fit. But like, hormones can make me do crazy things... One time, I was at 5 Below and I saw these two stuffed animals. I spent like, 30 minutes trying to decide which one was cuter, then decided at some point that I was probably just PMSing. I was right.
#36 Universal Girl Code Behavior
It’s almost unofficial girl code that if anything is amiss dressing-wise (i.e., tag out, lipstick on teeth, underwear showing, necklace clasp rotated in front, etc.), we take a girl aside and help them out. Also, if it isn’t obvious enough if you walk up to any girl who looks like she feels uncomfortable for any reason, you’re instantly her friend. No questions asked.
#37 Abreast The Situation
I'm not sure, but I think a lot of girls are insecure about their breasts. I mean, actresses usually have perfect breasts, and even if they don't, you can usually find some nasty comments about that. Some girls with smaller breasts would like to have bigger ones. Some girls with bigger breasts would actually like to have smaller ones. Breasts might be asymmetrical, might be saggy, or might have a weird shape. And the worst thing is, without surgical intervention, sometimes there's not much we can do about it. I mean, it's similar with your face—you can make peace with your insecurities eventually and if someone doesn't like it, then they just don't.
#38 All Torn Up
Sometimes when we wear ripped jeans, we just shave the parts of our legs that show through.
#39 Play It Safe
If a girl asks you if her outfit makes her look fat, do not say anything other than, "No, you look beautiful." If you tell us we look fat in our outfits, you'll be cussed out and we'll probably cry hysterically. It's no secret that girls are sensitive when it comes to things like that. Girls might care more about their image than most guys.
#40 Clear State Of Mind
I don’t know how true this is for most women, but I’ve talked about it with my female friends and it’s pretty true for them: Moreso than men, women need to be clear-headed, present, and decently relaxed before they can tap into their drive, or have that thought of like, “Hey, some intimacy would be awesome right now.”
Men, on the other hand, not only seem to have this experience multiple times a day regardless of what’s going on, but they’re more likely to desire to get it on when they’re stressed or have a lot on their minds. This has been true in most every conversation I’ve had with men and in every relationship I’ve had.
#41 Mother, May I
If we hate your mom, it’s probably because she’s made us feel less than great about ourselves. We will definitely feel the need to dress for every occasion and be a little on the defensive every time we are around her. If we love her, it’s because she’s made us feel loved and welcome, and we feel more relaxed around her like we would our own mother.
#42 Planning For The Worst
Most girls have a plan for what to do or where to go if we get assaulted. They also have a bit of a self-defense plan at the ready as well. Everyone has something.
#43 The Waiting Game
The true reason we go to the toilet together is... that the waiting queue would usually be so long that if we went alone, we will either get really bored or feel a little excluded from the conversation for the few minutes we are away from the group. We go together and chat the whole time that we are waiting in order to keep the good times rolling. A few other little things happen in there as well, but it's really not that serious!
#44 Safe Date Designation
We have extensive texting and calling codes set up for going out on a date safely. "I'm calling you after 20 minutes. If you call me at any time, I'll call right back and stage an emergency. If I call you and you decline, you're okay and don't want to be disturbed. If you let it ring unanswered, I'm coming your way right now to accidentally meet you."
#45 Always Aware Of The Stare
We are always aware of the male gaze, no matter how nonchalant you’re attempting to be.
#46 Depression Denial
Many men have anxiety or depression, but we will not talk about. In fact, we might even get moderately annoyed at you for bringing it up. I think there's some biological basis to it — our hormone balances are different from those of women, so maybe that causes us to be more aggressive when it comes to sensitive topics.
#47 Mothers Matter
My dad served in the Pacific during WWII. A kid from the Bronx, he had never been out of the city in his entire life. Then he got sent to New Guinea. Decades later, as he lay dying in the hospital bed, he told us that his young friends, who were being slaughtered by other young men, would always cry for their mothers. Never for their fathers, always for their mothers. He said, "They were just kids, just kids being slaughtered by other kids." He also said they would often pass away in his arms. Their last words were always, "Where is my mother? Where is my mother? Where is my mother?" That affected him for his entire life. Luckily, my dad lived for a long time. He was the lucky one.
#48 Okay With Age
We don't expect you to look like a supermodel as we age together. Yes, at times I do see you as I did 30 years ago, and in my imagination, the wrinkles and flaws disappear. But the times when I do see your wrinkles and flaws are the best because I know how you got every one of them. They are beautiful, no doubt.
#49 Fear Of The Threat
I'm always afraid of accidentally making women feel uncomfortable in my presence. For example, when I happen to walk in the same direction as a woman who just happens to be in front of me for a while. I'm not even interested in women in the first place, but society is becoming more and more hostile towards all men due to the actions of some men, and I think that does take a bit of a toll on me.
#50 Disclosure Agreement
When people come crying to us, our first inclination is to fix the problem. This is probably in our nature and biology as men. Since fixing the problem outright is usually not possible, help us out by stating something along the lines of: “Can I vent for a minute?” Or anything that signals to us that you just need us for a period of active listening, rather than a problem-solving session.
#51 It's Not You
When we want to be alone, it's not that we don't want to be around you, it's that we don't want to be around anyone for a bit. This isn't just a guy thing, either. I'm sure even girls need to take some time away from people sometimes, just to recharge themselves mentally and socially. Don't take it personally, we're all just going through things.
#52 Stick-Figure Hair
We really do think your hair is good. It looked good before and after you got a haircut. It looked good curly and it looked good straight. It looked good when you woke up and when you made it. As long as it's shaped like the hair we gave girls on stick figures when we were five years old, we think it looks good.
#53 One Trip Or Bust
If we haven’t carried in all the shopping in one go, we haven’t done it right.
#54 Not Going Anywhere
If we tie down anything in the back of a pickup truck. it's physically impossible for us not to stand back and say, "That's not going anywhere." Most of the time, we're proud of our work and confident in the results, even if it's something as simple as securing an item in the back of a pickup truck. We're weird like that.
#55 Help With Hinting
We often don't get the hint. Saying "I almost broke my neck in the driveway" is not the same as asking us to shovel it. In my mind, I'm thinking, "Thanks for the heads up, I'll be careful." Some of us react better when you just tell us, straight up, what you want from us. We can avoid those annoying back-and-forth arguments altogether.
#56 The Universal Nod
The "nod." When you see a guy you don't know, or a guy you kind of know but don't really know well enough to talk to, you give a subtle nod of your head, which they return. I talked to my wife about this and she confirms that women do not do the same thing. Sometimes, they smile instead. Both are important social cues to know.
#57 Itch That Can't Be Scratched
The mental struggle we have to go through to not scratch around our groin in a public setting. It'll take 100% of my willpower to not do it. The itching can drive me insane, yet the euphoria from actually scratching it is so good. I often imagine this must be what it's like scratching a dog's ears. There's just something so satisfying about the relief.
#58 Just Throw It
We desperately want you to toss us things instead of just handing them to us.
#59 Not Making It Up
It's not uncommon for us to genuinely think you’re beautiful without any makeup. In fact, most of us prefer that you don't wear it at all. That's not to say that we like you less when you have makeup on; we simply appreciate who you are and what you look like whether you do decide to use makeup or not. You're beautiful either way.
#60 Designated Downtime
When we come home from work, we could use some downtime to do nothing. The car ride home does not count. Give us 20 to 30 minutes without unloading on us. This may be true for everyone, but having a moment to just be dormant on your couch or in front of the TV lets our bodies and brains say, “Work is over and you can put it behind you!”
#61 Universally Known Urinal Laws
There is an unwritten rule of bathroom urinal etiquette that is never taught to young men but is somehow universally known. When a man enters a public restroom to go in a urinal, he is to occupy every other available urinal from other men. Meaning, the prime positions are in urinals 1, 3, and 5 if that is available. 2 and 4 should only be occupied if there are no other choices.
#62 Little Spoon Desires
Sometimes we like to be the little spoon.
#63 Interest In Interests
If we have a goofy hobby and you take interest in it, even in the slightest, we love it. I’m a big gamer and my wife will often watch what I’m doing and try to understand it. When she asks me, “Oh, are you looking forward to Anthem?” it's really cool and I appreciate her interest. It’d be so easy for her to not pay attention, but she does and it makes a big difference.
#64 Their Own Biggest Hero
How often we fantasize about saving the day from a world threat or something. Sometimes, we'll just sit and daydream about being a part of the Avengers or the Justice League. As men, we have an inclination to being protective figures. Part of the reason could be from societal pressures, but I genuinely think some of it has to do with our biology as males. Testosterone is a powerful (and highly influential) hormone.
#65 Craving Compliments
Most guys compliment other men in their heads but don’t say it out loud so that we aren’t mistaken for being gay. It's annoying because: 1) there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay in the first place, and 2) it teaches men that it's not okay for them to have feelings. I compliment my best buds just to see their faces light up. I think more men need to get complimented on small things, it doesn’t happen that often.
#66 Funny Thoughts
I spent an hour or so this morning reading about fighter jets, then I dozed off and dreamt that I was a pilot. I remembered a cool folder I had once with a T-rex flying a fighter jet on it. I laughed out loud at that memory and when my wife asked why. I told her not to worry about it. Then, I laughed again because I thought about a T-rex trying to fit in among his little peers at flight school. My wife and I then started fighting because she thought I was hiding something.
We’re really not that mysterious—sometimes, we’re just laughing at a T-rex trying to take notes on wind speed and lift.
#67 Fighting With Food
Men can have eating disorders and body positivity issues too! I've struggled for years, and yet the few people that I do open up to about it just write it off as a phase. When girls come forward with the same issue, it's immediately addressed as a serious matter. And when the issue is talked about on a larger scale, men are rarely, if ever, included.
#68 Short Shower Talk
Generally, locker room talk isn't a thing; at least at public gyms. Most guys want to get showered, changed, and out of there. We don't engage in long conversations. High school locker rooms, on the other hand, might be a different story. Because boys are around their friends, they feel like they are in a more comfortable setting to be open about things.
#69 Affectionate Attention
Dudes can be starved for touch. If you want to be there for your guy, scratch his head or his back. Hold his hand, put your hand on his leg, do that thing where you lock arms and elbows when you walk. When I’m frustrated or in my own world stressing about money or what I have to do later that day, it really grounds me to enjoy the moment with my girl.
#70 All Apologies Accepted
Guys have near zero ability to hold a grudge if an apology is genuinely offered and accepted. Most guys have friendships that started out with some terrible misunderstanding but eventually worked themselves out. Women, on the other hand, can nurse a grudge in ways most men cannot fathom. They can just keep it going and going if they want to.
#71 Stressed And Scared
We feel great social pressure to be strong, less emotional, carry others, and make money. A lot of the times, we don’t know how to. And we’re scared. But we know we’re not supposed to be, and we know we’re not supposed to ask for help. So we get stressed and angry. Thankfully, we're moving towards a society that is slowly letting go of those pressures.
#72 Afraid To Intimidate
Sometimes we don’t talk to people because we don’t want to intimidate them. I might see a girl with a cool shirt on, but I don’t want to make her think I’m coming on to her or something. Rather than freak her out, I just leave her alone. Especially if we’re on an elevator or something where she can’t leave if she actually is uncomfortable.
#73 Smashing Stereotypes
Getting it on isn't all we want in a relationship. I'd rather be with someone who understands me than someone who I have an intimate, physical relationship with every day but don't connect with emotionally. Some of us are into things like cooking, cleaning, make-up, fashion, etc. It doesn't necessarily mean we're lesser men. Please don't tell us to "man up." A lot of us were constantly told that growing up whenever we tried to express ourselves, so you saying it will often bring up bad memories. Men can be abused. Men can be harassed. No, we don't "enjoy" being harassed by a girl, even an attractive one, and we often don't talk about it because people will often straight up tell us we're lying about it if we do.
#74 Satisfying Rituals
Not sure if this is universal, but guys usually have at least one pastime for which the process just as satisfying, if not moreso, than the outcome. One example is my morning espresso.
If I'm making it, being interrupted or rushed is very disruptive to the point where I'd rather not have started it. For others, it may be washing the car, barbeque, or shaving. Being able to fully invest in these gratifying rituals is fulfilling to a surprising degree.
#75 Stealthy Search History
We will go to the end of the universe to hide our search history. Thank god for Incognito Mode.
#76 Left On Read
Not knowing really sucks. I learned not to "blow up" a girl's phone, so I don't send more than one, maybe two messages. Being left on read and thinking about where exactly it was that I messed up to not get a response, really sucks. Having to play it cool when I like someone in order to not scare her off sucks too.
#77 Appreciating Appearance
Men can think a woman is hot without being physically attracted to her. Men can think other men are hot without being physically attracted to them. Some men can have a respect for someone's looks regardless of their gender. It doesn't mean they want to get it on with that person, it just shows a level of appreciation for the way someone looks or the way they carry themselves.
#78 Fleeting Moments Of Marriage
I don't know if it's a common thing, but every time a girl talks to me, I imagine being married to her and stuff like that. Then, after a bit of daydreaming, I'll come back to reality and tell myself, "Yeah sure, that's never gonna happen." I eventually go back to being sad and alone again.
#79 Not Always Up For It
I'm gonna do my best to explain this one here: We aren't always up for doing stuff together. It doesn't mean we don't care about you. A lot of the hobbies that men typically do, you will notice, revolve around being alone, focusing on something and getting the task done. It makes us feel fulfilled, productive, and proud.
We also aren't so entrapped by society when it comes to being social. In other words, just because Fred or Clive isn't posting on Instagram about being out and about, don't assume they're lonely. Because we can so comfortably be alone with our thoughts, sometimes it really takes a great deal of empathy and understanding on our part to appreciate that you might not also have hobbies you can do alone.
I can open my laptop and start playing video games, but my girlfriend doesn't have that node for "instant gratification." When you say you're bored, please help us to better comprehend what you mean by contextualizing what is causing you boredom.
Sometimes we don't realize we are being selfish and making you feel lonely when all we want to do on a Saturday is slob about. We love you, dearly; but we're not always great at empathy because of a lifetime of being told to suck it up.
#80 Wanting To Be Approached
Men want to be desired too. I can count the number of times a woman has told me she was attracted to me on a single hand. And from my understanding, that is already a high number. We don’t miss “hints” because we are dense or stupid, we miss them because we have learned the hard way that sometimes what we think is a hint is really just a friendly compliment. That embarrassment sticks with you.
If you’ve ever looked at a dude and thought, “Wow, he’s attractive, I’d like to go out with him,” go talk to him. Men love confident women, and even if he doesn’t reciprocate, you will make his day, or maybe even his year.
#81 Bonding Over Gaming
When guys are playing video games, we are often playing with people we develop deep friendships with. For example, I’ve never met my best friend in person; however, I’ve been playing games with him for 4 years. But since we live so far apart, we are not able to play games with each other every day. So when you are yelling at your boyfriend for playing video games with his friends, just remember he might be talking to people he has been playing games with for years and hasn't talked to in a while.
#82 Protective Over Pregnancy
We're just as excited about your pregnancy as you are. We're emotionally involved and fully along for the ride. We feel the need to protect, provide, and do whatever we can for you and the little one growing inside you. And if something goes wrong, it's a punch to the gut like we've never felt before. Losing a baby is a devastating event for a woman, but it is an awful feeling for us as well.
#83 Need To Connect
Many guys are actually really lacking in confidence, usually due to bad experiences or otherwise. Some just want to feel loved once in a while. Hanging with the guys is great and all, but a genuine hug, or even just a compliment, from someone of the opposite gender, can really turn a guy's day around. Make them feel wanted. Many of those guys you think are creepy aren't at all; they just don’t get that interaction often, so when they do, it’s overwhelming for them. Sometimes we just want to vent, sometimes we want to be held.
#84 Self Conscious And Insecure
Guys are self-conscious too. Balding, gray hair early on, weight, clothing, how we look in a bathing suit on the beach, how we think women think of us, how we think other guys think of us—all these are just some examples.
The point is, we absolutely care about our image and reputation, it just may not be verbalized.
#85 Twisted Interpretations
We actually mean what we say. “It’s not my favorite restaurant,” does not magically mean something else, especially not that we hate your favorite place. I was happy to eat there and keep my mouth shut about my opinion, but you just had to drag it out. I went to dinner with my wife’s family when we first started dating. It was a pleasant dinner, if not a bit quiet. I just figured they were not very chatty. After dinner, my wife said to me, “Can you believe my mom?!” I did not see that coming. How could I respond? I just said “Yeah? What was that all about?” My wife sounded off for like an hour about some conversation that I had no idea even happened.
#86 Learning Bedtime Patterns And Behaviors
If you turn us down for intimacy too often, we will start to see patterns in your rejections, even if those patterns are purely coincidental. For example, saying "I'm so tired. I could go to bed right now," at 6:30 p.m. immediately turns it into a night where I'm not going to try anymore. Also, asking if we "want to be sexy" does not count as initiating. We like to know that you want it. If you don't, that's fine; but don't make it sound like it is only ever up to us to decide if we are getting it on or not.
#87 Struggling With Superficial Friendships
Being an adult can be lonely, especially if you live far away from where you went to high school or college. It is hard to meaningfully connect with other guys and create new relationships for many reasons. A lot of guy relationships involve watching sports or doing hobbies that operate at a pretty superficial level. The effort to make a new friend and cultivate it to a point where you are actually close is a lot of work.
Women make new friends a lot easier and have more extended groups. The pool of options for male friends, therefore, are often spouses of their wives. It's not a deep pool. Being socially isolated has a lot of repercussions that can manifest in a lot of ways. Also, just because we went to the party and said we had a good time, doesn’t mean we felt like we actually connected with anyone.
They may be friends, but only on a superficial level. If we aren’t calling, texting or doing independent activities with people away from the group as a whole, then they aren’t good guy friends. The weird thing is, you get to a point where it is what it is and you adapt to being lonely because you are fighting a structural problem that you don’t have the time or resources to resolve.
#88 Keeping It Together
Men can have weak moments and break down emotionally too. For example, my wife has a lot of anxiety and depression issues. She keys off the emotions of those around her and takes stress pretty poorly (I love her and I don’t blame her for these issues, I’m just stating a fact). Where I struggle is that I feel like I can’t have a weak moment around her, because it will bring her down and then we are both struggling.
But man, I’ve had some really tough days and I’d love nothing more than to just get home and work all that emotion out in some way (whether through crying or just being angry at the darn pillows). I’m worried that I won’t be able to keep it together and I’ll have a really bad breakdown at some point.
I’ve discussed it with her and she told me she can handle it, but the few times I’ve allowed myself to be weak, she wasn’t able to. So I just try not to show that weakness anymore because I don’t want to put her through it.
#89 Misty-Eyed During Movies
Sometimes, when we are watching a movie and I get up to use the bathroom or get a beer during a sad or emotional part, I'm doing it just so she doesn't see me cry. I don't mind crying in front of my wife but I'd rather her not see me tearing up when Moana finally makes it past the reef for the first time. I'm being 100% serious, by the way.
#90 Finding Validation
It's not always about getting it on. It's about validation. Someone choosing to "give up the goods" to you means that you've been deemed worthy as a man. Guys sleep around not just to boost their egos and have a good time, but to combat their insecurities. And yes, men can feel insecure too; especially if they aren't living up to the alpha-male, "James Bond" standard of casual promiscuity. They think, "If I can't get laid, I'm not worthy. If I can't find someone to like me, there must be something wrong with me."
Those guys hanging around the bar at last call, looking desperate to find someone to take home, are probably not even all that interested in the intimacy itself. They've been out there mixing it up with everybody and struck out all night. Now they feel like passed over trash. They're the girl at the ball that nobody wants to dance with.
The kid who couldn't get anyone to attend their birthday party. They've watched all their friends go home, probably with either a girlfriend or someone they just met that night, and now they're feeling like they're back at recess getting picked last for kickball.
They're desperate just to feel "normal" like "one of the guys," so they're looking for anyone to make them feel okay. It's not about intimacy. It's about being picked for the intimacy and the whole cult of masculinity that makes it seem so important. It's actually super sad that's what matters nowadays.
