There’s not much we can do once we’re struck by the “thunderbolt.” When we see someone attractive, it’s easy to get caught up in their charms. However, the facade can fade pretty fast when they start insulting your friends, dictate who you can talk to, and get lost in their own reflections.
#1 Such a Sweetheart
So, we got into her bedroom and there were pictures of her at the Colosseum in Rome with another dude. They were hung up over her bed. I asked when that had been taken and she said, "Oh, that's Jack., We used to date — he's not over me, though, so I let him take me on holidays. He's such a sweetheart." I left.
#2 How Dare You?
I hate it when my girlfriend posts a rant on Facebook about the argument we just had. I had literally just gotten out of the hospital for pancreatitis, which is very painful. The only thing you can do is take some medicine and rest while not eating or drinking for a few days. She wanted me to be at her house instead of mine, so I went to be with her while recouping. The next day I went to check my Facebook and there I saw a rant about me. "OMG! I can't understand why a grown man would sleep for 12 hours while I sit here waiting for some company!" Like… I just got out of the hospital.
#3 Away for Good
On the anniversary of my mother's passing, my girlfriend at the time said I was being selfish because I wasn’t talking to her and I was too busy consoling my other mom about it all. Then she had her friend write on Facebook about me, too. My friends and I went off on her and pretty much sent her away for good.
#4 Y’all Need Jesus
I was chatting with this awesome girl. She was cute, smart, athletic, the whole package. She sent me a friend request on Facebook and I saw her last update was, "That awkward moment when your professor starts lecturing about evolution when I know it to be false. This guy needs God in his life." It instantly ruined it for me.
#5 Had to Go
For me, I can remember a time when it happened in two seconds. I was on a date and the guy just said, "I can't hold it anymore" and straight-up went number one in his trousers. I had made plans to ask him back to my place, but something about seeing a 20-year-old guy do that while 100% sober is the ultimate, permanent turnoff.
#6 Check, Please
My friend, old manager and I were dancing at the bar one night. Nothing really bad, just the usual plus a little grinding. She said something about having a one night stand. A little while later, she was sitting down and I was giving her a lower back rub. I started to get low towards her butt and she said, "Careful, I didn't check how well I wiped." I totally lost anything that may have been there that night. I’m still grossed out by it.
#7 Never Call Me Again
A guy we’ll call Sam was a friend of mine from work. He quit, but we stayed in touch. One day, he showed up and it was raining. Now, my husband and I talked to him before about some of the parties we had gone to, which were of the adult variety. I suppose somehow this translated to me being open to his advanced.
He offered me a ride home. When we got halfway there, he made obscene gestures and grinned at me. I screamed and told him to let me out. He was still grinning and said that we are on the causeway. Plus, it was pouring. Traffic was slow enough that I was able to get out and walk on the shoulder. I refused to get back inside. I walked down the shoulder of the Tuttle back to South Beach, shaking in the rain. He called later giving me some line about being from Iran and not knowing how to deal with girls properly. I told him he was slime and to never call me again.
#8 Oh, Yeah… Those
When I saw the two tattoos of his ex-girlfriend's name I was a little worried. But, he said he got them in high school and regretted them. Yeah, I get it, we all make stupid mistakes. It was a little later on I found out he got them after they'd already broken up. It was like every good quality he had just didn't seem to matter anymore. I couldn't get past it.
#9 The Only Friend You Need
My ex-girlfriend once told me to stop associating with my friends, so I told her to get out. It took about 10 minutes. To clarify, we had been dating for a bit (only a few months) and I still hung out with my friends of three years from school. She didn't like me having friends who were girls. It wasn't a fun day.
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#10 Deceiving Looks
I remember one time when my company hired this very pretty and sweet young woman. After only one hour of meeting and speaking with her, she seemed almost perfect. But then she uttered an extremely offensive slur, with pure hate in her voice. Honestly, I can't even look at her anymore. I just want her to quit.
#11 Immediate Strikeout
I once had someone tell me, "I thought you'd be thinner. Oh, that's not a bad thing. I like my girls thick." This was a few years ago and I weighed about 135 pounds at 5'5". So, I wasn’t exactly in the heavier territory. Regardless of what my size was, though, it's common sense not to comment on a woman's weight.
#12 Dazed From the Smell
I used to have the biggest crush on this girl named Cindy in high school. We had gym class together and one morning I smelt something so very intense that it almost lit my nose hairs on fire. It smelt like rotten milk that discharged out of an unkempt belly button. A second later I heard, "Hi!” It took me a while to realize that it was her breath. How could the human body replicate something so awful? I was dazed from the smell, but at least I was still standing. She was a pretty girl, but no amount of beauty will get you out of that.
#13 Long and Awkward
We were in my bedroom. He casually stood up while looking for something and he broke wind. Not just any sort of fart, though. It was literally the longest, most awkward fart in history. I nearly fainted in horror, made my excuses and left. He never understood why. Seriously, guys. That fart needed planning permission. Just no.
#14 Something’s Not Right
My last girlfriend. Every time we were romantic, there was a certain lack of passion in it. I couldn't put my finger on the problem. Then, one time she stopped in the middle of messing around and said, "I never do this," and tried something new. I thought, “Cool.” It lasted about 10 seconds, then we went back to making out. At that moment, I realized that we didn’t have any chemistry and we split up shortly after. Wonderful girl, though.
#15 Walking Home
This one time I was walking down the road back home. I saw these two girls approaching me and both were very attractive. I greeted these ladies I would have been attracted to. Immediately, her response was, "Maybe if you weren't butt ugly." Instantly, my heart sank to know that's what girls think of me. From then on, I’ve been pretty much turned off permanently.
#16 Three Outta 10
There was this really nice girl I met online and we started talking about my weight loss. I'd lost about 60 pounds and she was trying to lose a little bit of weight. We were talking and she was being flirty and was really cute. I asked her what she thought about a job and she said, “Ew, working. My parents can just take care of me forever." She was 20 years old. She instantly went from pretty attractive to a 3/10.
#17 That Was Fast
My boyfriend of three years and I had broken up about a week prior. I was just past the crying stage. I was also starting to realize how much of an idiot he'd been and that maybe this would work out for the better. But, I still had some residual feelings. I got a Facebook message saying, "Maybe we made a mistake," and called him back. First thing out of his mouth? A smug, "Look how fast you called me." That isn't an attractive look on anyone.
#18 Do I Look…
I went out to dinner with a girl and had a great time. We decided to grab a bottle at Kroger and head back to my place for a movie. In the entrance to the Kroger, there was a guy collecting money for the Salvation Army. When that guy happened to make eye contact with us as we were walking in, she responded with, "Do I look like the kind of person who cares about charity?!”
#19 Mom of the Year
I was talking to this girl who was really pretty and I met her off the internet. She called me and all of a sudden started to yell at her kids, calling them offensive slurs. I just didn't know what to say. I did manage to ask her if she had a job and she said that she didn’t need to work since she got child support from the deadbeat dad.
#20 You’re Not Like My Boyfriend
I met this girl at a party who were friends with some of my friends. We connected really well and everything went awesome. None of us partied that much, which was great because it made the connection more real. At some point, we decided to go to her place instead. I romanced her pants off and we were cuddling and stuff, building up to more.
While I was doing my best to be the most awesome guy in known history, she managed to say, "I wish my boyfriend were as romantic as you." I processed that information for a few seconds and decided it was time to go home. She got somewhat confused and angry. I didn't even bother to explain because if I had to explain it, there’s really no point in trying to explain it.
#21 Because She Can
She started bragging about her ability to obtain gifts and material possessions from other men just because she was pretty. I felt like an idiot. It changed my perspective on all those years I spent going after gorgeous, pretentious girls. I feel horrible for my friends who are still stuck in that place. But, they’ll have to figure it out by themselves.
#22 Amway Pitch
I had just broken up with my girlfriend when I met this super-hot girl at the gym. I struck up a conversation and was really surprised when she gave me her number and asked if I wanted to get a cup of coffee. I should've known something was wrong right then... you know, because I wasn't weeping from the rejection.
Either way, the whole scenario became more clear when we met up the next day. She was dressed in a suit and she tried to sell me Amway for an hour before I managed an escape. Now, keep in mind this was no ordinary sales pitch. She was wide-eyed and obsessed, insisting that I quit college with her to further pursue the burgeoning field of Amway sales. She was so hot, but also undeniably crazy. Best date ever .
#23 Buttering Her Up
It happened in a second. It was the first date and he started bragging about his new phone, showing me his music lists and such. Then he showed his photos. He swiped through his photo album and I saw cute pictures of a dog eating, cute pictures of a dog playing… then a not-so-cute picture of a dog with some peanut butter. As shocked as I was, it was sort of funny the way he panicked. I had never seen anyone swipe their finger across a phone screen that fast. Then came the awkward silence. That was bad, I mean really bad. What are you supposed to say to that?
#24 Space Invader
We had a nice and completely unremarkable first date. We then went back to my room and made out. We made plans to do some studying before class the next morning and she left. I thought nothing of it, other than, “Yeah, she's a sweet girl. I'm excited to see where this goes.” The next morning, she showed up with a suitcase and asked me which drawer she could use for her things. We're talking clothes, hairdryer, food, toothbrush — the works. I thought it was a joke at first, but she was completely serious. Cell culture lab was awkward for the rest of the semester.
#25 Personal Letters
My brother is in prison, but I miss him a lot and he was the only brother I really got on with. He writes to me in letters and I write ones back to him. The thing is, the hand writes his letters to me. Me, on the other hand, I'm lazy, so I type mine and save them on a folder that’s hidden cleverly on my desktop.
I was seeing this girl for about seven months and actually got the courage to tell her about my brother. From then on, she kept… knowing stuff. She’d say things like, “Oh, you never know. He could have a best friend in there who helps him out in the kitchens all the time.” I knew something was up. Turns out, she had been going through my incredibly personal letters to my brother. Not only that, but because they were hidden, she had actively searched for stuff to do with him. You can be assured she was out of there.
#26 Single Parent
A girl did a complete 180 on how she felt about me. It was so abrupt. We were chatting it up and things were going really well. I told her I was a single parent and the look on her face... Suddenly, she “had to go.” It hurt and it was frustrating. But, I understand. Not everyone is okay with that and I'm grateful that I let her know early on and that she didn't drag it along any longer than she did.
#27 Chaotic Evil
At lunch, this new hire started talking about her pregnancy in detail. We tried to tune her out by watching TV, but she didn’t stop. Then, she got up and just started changing the channel while three people were watching it. As soon as we shouted at her to stop and change it back, she said, “I wish you guys were sensitive like a woman on her period! No, during pregnancy!” The kicker is when my coworker asked what channel she was gonna change it to, she replied that she didn’t even know. Within the span of a 30-minute lunch break she earned a bad name in my book.
#28 Fake Dinosaurs
We were watching the History Channel and there was a documentary about dinosaurs. When the man started talking about how they got wiped out, the guy I was with laughed and said something about it all being fake. That was when I realized his family wasn't just plain religious, they were strictly born again. At that moment, I knew it was over.
#29 Would He Mind?
I was at a bar one night when a hot girl turned around and knocked the drink out of my hand. She started apologizing like crazy and offered to buy me a new one. Well, we started talking and really hit it off. She offered to buy me another one again, to which I said, “Would your boyfriend be alright with that?” (Usually any attractive girl I hit it off with ends up having a boyfriend, so I thought I was being clever.) She got mad, said she didn’t have a boyfriend and storms off. She wouldn't even look at me the rest of the night.
#30 Popped Balloon
I dated a girl I met online a couple of times. She was a super hot actress, had a good body and a great smile. She'd recently moved from Holland to LA. Everything was going well. Before she left for the day, she set a bunch of Scientology literature on my coffee table and asked me if I'd please read it. The dissipation of my attraction to her was almost audible. It was like someone let go of an inflated balloon without tying it off first.
#31 When You Gotta Go
I was running behind this girl in high school once. She was super cute and super athletic. I was running behind her on the track for a workout and I saw a spot growing on her shorts. "Oh it's hot, she must be sweating,” I thought. Nope. She was doing number two no more than 10 feet in front of me. She ran another three laps before cleaning herself off. I can’t even think about her without picturing it.
#32 You Don’t Need It
They began arguing that capitalism was disgusting and that people should be forced to give up their income because “no one needs that much money." This came from someone who lived in a one million dollar home, attended the most expensive university in the area, and took semi-annual European vacations. The funny thing is, I later found out that their family stole money from the government and were deported.
#33 Inappropriate Behavior
I had a group of four close guy friends and we'd often get pizza together at a place within walking distance of campus. My ex thought it was inappropriate for a girl in a relationship to be out in public with a group of guys… in public . It was a highly visible place, we walked there, and many of our mutual friends were often there, too.
I'd made the compromise that he could join us, but I wouldn’t stop spending my free time with my friends. He refused every invitation to join us, I still hung out with the guys, and they've remained good friends to this day. Unfortunately, I did become isolated from other groups of friends and from my family, though. I didn't recognize the behavior. That relationship didn't end nearly soon enough.
#34 Being Annoying
My last boyfriend. After we'd been dating a few months, one morning he was spooning and massaging me. I got excited and tried to take it to the next level. He suddenly pushed me away and said I was being annoying. Then he got up and said he was going to the gym. That was the moment I realized that he was gay.
#35 Young Demigod
This guy I liked tried to make me jealous by texting me about how he was going to hit on teenage girls. According to him, it was completely acceptable because he was "still a young demigod" at 29. Then he told me that I should be happy because he still wants to take me on a date, even though he could have all those 17-year-old girls instead. I immediately realized I wanted nothing to do with him.
#36 Money Hungry
I'm an ex-marine and I work at the university. This cute girl would come in and I was planning on asking her out. But, one day she came in and started explaining how her mother was a DoD contractor that makes drones. She then said how she likes when we go to war because her mom gets a lot of money. She didn't understand why some people didn't like that. All I could think of was my friends who lost their lives and how they weren't getting paid anything. She went from a cute, bubbly blonde girl to completely worthless in less than 15 seconds.
#37 Being Normal
I once thought that this guy was ridiculously hot when I saw him. Until one day when I overheard him talking with his friends about "those gays need to stop trying to get married like they're normal and stuff." I honestly couldn’t believe what I heard. Any attraction I felt for him quickly switched to contempt.
#38 Movie Night
I met a guy at the beach and we went to a movie that night. Five seconds into the preview, he held my hand. It was weird, but innocent enough. 30 seconds later, he put my hand in his lap and whispered, "You like that, don't you?" Needless to say, dude got slapped and I left before the movie even began. All of this was in a span of a minute from when we sat down.
#39 Wannabe Princess
I started grinding on the dance floor with a solid nine. After a song or two, her first words to me were, "So, how much money do you make?" I told her I was a zookeeper and got free rent in the monkey house. Then I walked away. (I’m actually an engineer.) Uptown Dallas clubs have some real wannabe princesses.
#40 Giant Red Flag
I had a few dates with this girl and things were going really well. We were really into each other for the short amount of time we dated. Then one morning around 9:00 a.m., she asked me to come over to cuddle with her because her dog threw up and she was scared. I explained that it was 9:00 on a Monday and I couldn't drop everything to see her. I assured her that the dog would be okay.
Despite having only been on a few dates at that point, she didn’t take it well. Her response was to call me names, tell me that I changed, and then say she didn't want to hang out with me anyway. Then five minutes later, she changed her mind and begged me to come over again. Thank you for the giant red flag. Goodbye.
#41 Psychic Surgery
This one time, a girl I liked tried to fix my sprained ankle using psychic surgery. I appreciated the gesture but, what? We’re still friends and I still like her a lot. But when we hang out, she seriously starts talking about her conversations with angels, her ability to read the future with tarot cards and that the government is trying to hurt us with chemtrails. That’s when I remember that some people aren't compatible.
#42 Spilled Soda
This one guy and I had been dating for only a few months. One time, he legitimately wet the bed and left me laying in it until the morning. I woke up and couldn't figure out why the bed was wet. He then said that he'd spilled a soda. It wasn't until later that day that he told me what he did and what really happened.
#43 Man, I’m Pretty
I once brought a guy to a little dive bar. There was a big dirty mirror next to the bathrooms. I went in to use the bathroom and when I came out, I saw him staring at himself in the mirror. It wasn’t a big deal, everyone checks themselves once in a while. What was weird is that he never noticed me walk back to our stools. He stared at himself for another 20 minutes. In front of everyone. How can you possibly be so involved in your reflection that you don't know notice your date or the whole room full of people watching you?
#44 Bubble Bath
The guy I was with got partied out at our friend’s house and decided he wanted a bubble bath. No one could convince him not to, so I went into the bathroom about 10 minutes later to make sure he wasn't asleep or something. Apparently, he wanted to be alone though. When I refused to leave, he stood up in the tub, soap suds dripping off him, and said, “Do something about it or get out.” I got out.
#45 That Guy in High School
I had a crush on this one guy in high school. He was a year older than me, tall, and had great hair. He always seemed to be laughing when I saw him. I once heard him make an offensive comment about one of my best friends, who is Latvian. It was something along the lines of, “Stupid Eastern European chick should go back to her country!” It instantly ended any attraction I had to him. Pro tip: bigotry isn’t sexy. Also, don’t make fun of my friends.
#46 Trophy Wife
There was this hot freshman I sat next to in a meaningless class. She had a sort of stuck-up attitude, but was so gorgeous. As we were walking back from class one day, I asked her what she wanted to do after she graduated. She told me that despite her dream to be a vet, she would probably just be a trophy wife and marry someone rich. The sad thing was it didn't seem like she was full of herself, but her self esteem was so low that that was the only thing she thought she could do. She was a straight-A student, too.
#47 Many Flags
When I invited a guy to play an MMO with me and he said, "You need to get your head out of that fantasy world." He also tripped a few other flags, such as wanting me to take a bus from one end of town to his end at 6:00 a.m. and stay there for 12 hours until his mom came back. He would also berate me for not hanging out with him because I had just moved and was still in the unpacking process. When I told him, "I think we would be better off as friends," he told me that I should "Stop mooching off my mother." My mother was very sick and I was taking care of her, knowing there wasn't much time left.
#48 Pictures of Myself
I was once making out with a guy on a date. I put my hands on his arms, because they were the nearest place. He then said, "Oh, you like touching my arms, don't you?" I just said, "Um, they were just there?" He was very much in love with himself. The same dude had pictures of himself on his bedroom wall. Just standing there on his own.
#49 Wait, What?
There was this boy in the grade above me in high school. I thought he was the most attractive person I had ever seen. Then I heard him say, "Women shouldn't vote, they're just going to vote for the most handsome man!" He also said, "Women just distract men from doing the important things in society, that's why they shouldn't be allowed in the military."
#50 What Happened?
It bothers me when people only pretend that they're listening to what you have to say about something. For example, like the time I told someone that my mother passed away when I was young. I said that only for my date to ask five minutes later, "So what happened to your mom? Are she and your father still together?”