April 2, 2020 | Melissa Budish

Girls Who Were Guilted Into Dating A "Nice Guy" Share Their Experiences

There is a distinction to be made between nice guys and "nice guys." The quotation marks make a huge difference in this comparison. The former group, nice guys, are those whose kindness is genuine and pure. They are true gentlemen who have a solid grasp of what is decent behavior and what is crossing the line. The latter group, "nice guys," on the other hand, typically have ulterior motives under the guise of an ingenuine sweetness and benevolence. Beware the "nice guys."


#1 The Last Date

He was genuinely nice and I thought I was being too picky. Maybe I could see this through if I took the effort of getting to know him. But every time I offered a contradictory point of view on any general topic of discussion, he would proceed to casually mock my appearance, attire and my personality, in retaliation to my disagreement. That was the last date, obviously.


#2 True Colors

I once went on a date with this guy... If we disagreed on anything, my opinion didn't matter.  "I've seen you naked," he'd say. "You're just someone I see when I'm in the mood."

"You're moderately unattractive right now."

"You have liberal views."

I was completely smitten with him at the time before I realized I didn't need to take such garbage from someone like that.


#3 Too Creepy

All my friends said a guy from our group of friends was very nice, even though I felt like he was creepy. We went out once, thought I'd give it a chance, to be nice. I regretted it immediately. He asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with him, and when I said no (because I wasn't very interested and we had only been friends before this), he said he was disappointed with my answer and expected something more worthy of him. He said that saying no was disrespectful. Big yikes.

We met once after that because he visited me a few months later. He asked me to ruffle through my hair because he wanted to feel my scalp. He treated me like a dog and wanted me to sit next to him so he'd be closer to me. He also thought it was a great idea to mention that he sometimes hears voices in his head and has dreamt of ending people. I rushed him out of my apartment onto the street. I just wanted him to be gone. I checked my keys five times to see whether he took any. I've had to see him a couple of times since then, and he is the most creepy, socially inept person I've ever met. He's so aggressive and impulsive.


#4 All About Kyle

We were friends in high school and most of college. It was one of those things where he was a friend of a friend, but we always went to the same parties, hung together in the same group and so on. The guys in the group would always say things like, "Ah man you and Kyle would be so great together! You should give him a shot!" I'd kind of laugh it off because for a majority of the time I had a boyfriend.

Eventually, my boyfriend broke up with me, and about a week later Kyle asked me out. I wasn't really ready, but I figured it was the first date and everyone had been pressuring me into giving this guy a chance so I went. The whole evening was awkward. We just ordered a pizza and watched movies, which was what we did in our friend group anyways, but this guy would NOT STOP STARING.

I felt like I couldn't even eat because I was under a microscope. The evening ended uneventfully, but then there was the aftermath. We kept texting and seeing each other in the friend group, and about a week later he asked when we can have another date. I told him that maybe I had rushed into things too fast and I just wasn't feeling any connection with him. "I BROKE UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND FOR YOU!"

Yup, dude found out I was single, dumped his girlfriend of eight months just so he could ask me out to an awkward pizza date in his bedroom... The timely cherry on top is that they got back together, and apparently I'm tearing their marriage apart because she found a bunch of texts from me from six years ago and he admitted that he kept them cause he still likes me. I haven't seen him in four years.


#5 Moving Too Fast

I dated a girl who on the first date said we had to be home by 9 p.m. to meet her parents. I thought okay, maybe they should meet me before I took their daughter out if they were worried about what kind of guy I am. NOPE. They wanted to meet the guy who was madly in love with their daughter and felt they should have the talk of moving too fast. I literally told them, “I don’t know your last name.” That’s about where I’m at.


#6 The Nice Guy Wins

I was that girl who loved the bad boys. My nice guy had been my best friend for a number of years. I always knew he liked me, but I was busy chasing jerks. For nine years, we were best friends and we grew up together. He watched me pick all the wrong people. Other friends kept telling me to give it a chance, etc.

Two years ago, he asked me to come over for dinner. It seemed fairly casual until I realized he’d asked me for Valentine’s Day. I can’t say I was guilted, but it still felt a little awkward. I was mega nervous thinking it was going to be so awkward, but when I turned up it was fine. He’d cooked me a meal, bought flowers, a bottle of wine,  chocolates, and lit candles on the table. I don’t drink much, so he ended up getting through the whole bottle of wine because he was so nervous. It was a lovely evening and things felt very natural, so I decided to give it a go.

We’re now headed towards our second anniversary. We have a lovely home together, a beautiful (but evil) Egyptian Mau cat, and we couldn’t be happier. Because we were friends first, we knew we got on. We finish each other’s sentences and we never run out of the conversation. He is genuinely the best thing to happen to me ever. Sometimes the nice guy does win!


#7 Stay Away

I met him through online dating. After a couple of weeks of chatting, we decided to cool things off as he was giving off a creepy, needy vibe that frightened me. He would ask about ex-boyfriends frequently and tell me that he would be good for me. He'd ask intimate questions without any encouragement and want to know details. I forgot all about him until he sent me a random message months later and apologized for his previous behavior, which he blamed on a tricky break-up.

Time passed and he seemed to be a new person, so I gave in and met with him. Our first couple of dates seemed fine with just a few odd comments that I should have paid attention to. Then he started questioning where I was and who I was with, but again I just foolishly ignored this. The first time (and last time) I stayed at his place, we went out for a drink beforehand and he was judging me for having a couple of beers. When we got back to his place, I wasn't feeling up to anything, so I told him firmly no and went to sleep. Later that night, I woke up to him staring at me.

I never confronted him about this. I just pretended I hadn't woke up and made my excuses the next day before blocking him from my life. I've never told anyone this before. I just wish I'd listened to my previous instinct and kept well away.


#8 Not The Worst Ending

I was the nice guy in my first "relationship." I was meeting a girl who I knew from a friend's girlfriend. Well, at first everything was nice and we weren't having anything serious; just meeting like friends and playing paintball and so on... however, I really liked her and she did recently break up with her boyfriend, so I tried to cheer her up. At some point, I asked her politely if she would consider trying a relationship and to my surprise, she said yes. I was the happiest guy on Earth.

So we started dating seriously, and I don't know how it happened, but I started getting really clingy. Like, I wanted to see her all the time. I wanted her to come over to me and it ended up creeping her out... which in hindsight I really understand. She got continually creeped out until she broke up with me and I was devastated. After that, I was depressed for over a year. I am sorry that she had to experience me like that and I also apologized. Now, we are just normal friends. Not as good as before, but still friends.


#9 The Dealbreaker

I was in high school and figured I should give the guy a chance, maybe I was just being snobby. Anyway, we decided to go to the movies. His older sister came along to chaperone and spent the movie sitting in my lap to make sure we didn't "get up to anything funny." Incidentally, this was when I began to have an inkling that maybe I liked girls. After the movie, I said I had to go home... then later that night, he called me crying to confess he'd snapped a picture of me when I wasn't aware. There was not a second date.


#10 A Passionate One

Not outright guilted, but I found myself in the situation and couldn’t back out. It was a bit weird at first given the circumstances of me distinctly not wanting to be there, but things gradually got weirder as the night went on. He made really intense eye contact and told me about how he doesn’t drink, he just goes to clubs sober. He also told me about how he planned to stay in the country (he was a foreign student) but needed to settle down with someone first. Then, he told me he was really passionate. I’m more vocal about whether or not I want to be somewhere or do something now.


#11 Young And Naive

I was guilted into having a one-year relationship with a nice guy. He was super nice at first, and I was young and naive. He flirted and seemed honest, so I thought, "What the heck? Why not give it a go?" Big mistake. I realized quite quickly that he just wasn't for me. We had very different political views, very different opinions on things, and he was very degrading of me. He made fun of my weight, made me think I was fat, and being my young teenage and vulnerable self, that really crushed my self-esteem.

So when I finally decided I had the balls to say: "I don't wanna be with you anymore, he guilted me into staying with him, saying, "You'll never find a guy who'll love you as I love you," or "If you leave me, I'll end myself,'" and all the other typical reasons a "nice guy" will use to guilt you into staying. In the end, I ghosted him. We were supposed to meet up, but I never showed up. I changed my number, deleted social media for a couple of years, and moved out. I never heard from him again, which I am very pleased to say.


#12 Overly Emotional

After a few years of tepid friendship, I agreed to a few dates with my friend. On one date, we went out with a whole group of couples to this state park a few hours away, and during the ride home, I dozed off. I woke up to him groping me under my clothes, and when I told him to stop, he twisted it around like I was being ridiculous. Like, we're on a date, why was I being so weird, etc.

When I told him I had to cancel our fourth date because I'd gotten grounded after accidentally setting the kitchen on fire, he punched me. Mostly in the face. Punched me. He spent the rest of high school periodically stalking me and my sisters, ranting and raving to literally everyone about how I just didn't understand. He's just so emotional with his true love for me that sometimes he acts without thinking.

He's not like those other guys that would make inappropriate comments about my appearance, he's the best friend I ever had until I ruined it all by willfully "misunderstanding" and refusing to hear him out or give him closure, on and on. What a nice guy. Guess he tried to break into my bedroom window out of love and concern, huh?


#13 The "Nice Girl"

I'm a guy and I gave a "nice girl" a chance. She was one of those "I'm not like other girls" girls. We went out for a casual pizza and beer dinner (this was in college like, 15 years ago). She kept repeating what we would now call memes, like "OMG, pizza is lifestyle choice." Awkwardly charming the first time, but not funny and annoying the 10th time.

She talked about herself the entire time. Most of it was humble bragging about her "faults," like: "It's just that I care too much about my friend,s" and "I guess I'm just the type of person that's 100% honest and can't accept dishonesty in others." I could have left for 10 minutes and it wouldn't have interrupted her conversation. It was like watching a one-person episode of the Gilmore Girls.

Afterward, we left separately and we didn't kiss or anything. The next day over MSN Messenger, she asked when our next date was and I politely said I didn't think we had a connection. She messaged me for about two weeks after that with increasingly desperate things. At some point, she started dating some other dude and the messages stopped.


#14 Deep Realizations

I was a nice guy. To this day, I feel terrible about my actions. This started 12 years ago when I was 19 years old. I met a girl at a club and we hit it off right away. She ended up being my girlfriend. At the start, everything was fantastic—we were genuinely happy together and I was in a constant state of not believing my luck of having found a girl as awesome as her. About one month in, I did something very stupid. I met another girl... We had drinks and ended up getting intimate together. I decided to keep it to myself. All was fine, except for a little lingering voice which said that if I could do such a thing, surely she could as well.

This voice grew louder over time. I started joking about her seeing other guys, you know those half-jokes which aren't funny at all and mainly make the other person feel bad. I started checking her phone, reading her socials, etc. At some point, I was certain she was cheating on me, even though there were no signs of it whatsoever. I started cutting her off from her friends (especially male friends) and getting angry if she did not respond to my texts inquiring where she was, with who and why she was not home.

I started doing surprise visits and getting really angry with her if there happened to be male friends in her vicinity, even if they were in big groups. My reasoning with her was always that what we had was special and that she shouldn't want to spend her time with anyone else than just us. Manipulative as I was, I'd change tactics in the span of minutes, being really nice and friendly one moment only to catch her off guard and get furious an instant later. I'd use my kindness to get information, trapping her in a constant cycle of guilt.

Fast forward a bit—we'd been together for a year and she had gone to university, making new friends. We were fighting every day now. One time, I left her house after a fight and realized I forgot my phone. I went back in (I had her keys) and found her crying in her room. A moment of clarity struck and I broke up with her, justifying it to myself as a Messiah act.

Surely, this would have been the end of it, but nope. What followed was three years of me texting her, calling her, trying to figure out if she was seeing anyone and getting really angry when she was. It just did not stop. Even if we did not meet up for a few months and I had somehow convinced her I had changed, I'd end up doing the same thing over again on the very same day that we met up.

As in, surely if she saw how nice I was now she should want me back. So why doesn't she? Insert guilt trip etc. This went on for years and it ended me. I saw what I was doing to her and felt horrible for it. But that voice and entitlement kept popping up so every time she offered me friendship, I'd unleash the guilt trip.

At some point, it stopped. I started analyzing my own actions in this and shut off all contact with her or anyone of her friends (who were also my friends). I just forced it all away and every time I felt this voice popping up, I'd try to analyze where this entitlement was coming from so that I could fight it. I can't really explain how it ended up going away, other than the fact that one day I noticed I did not feel these things anymore.

For a long time, I refused any form of romance with anyone, afraid that I would start the cycle again. After some time I did meet someone else, we've been very happy together for seven years now. When we started dating I was very open about all this, which I think helped a lot. I rarely feel these pangs of jealousy pop up anymore. When they do, I know they are not rational and I can shrug it off with ease now. It's something that won't ever fully go away but I know it's all me and I know where to find help when needed.

I wanted to share this here not for sympathy or whatever, maybe just to show how creepy the mind can act from a first-person perspective. I feel terrible for what I have done to another person, nobody is entitled to another person's love, attention or affection.

To those who are currently in a situation like this on the receiving end: walk away, cease contact, break it off. People don't change overnight. Even after years it can still linger on, buried deep in the mind. And ultimately it's a personal responsibility to face your demons and do something about it, don't get guilted into becoming the pillar of stability for another person to hang on to. The best thing you can do for both of you is walk away.


#15 Liar, Liar

As it turned out, he lied about just about everything, from his favorite movie to his moral opinion on bathing suits. He would not take no for an answer. If I persisted, it meant I didn't love him. He often threatened not to kiss me ever again if I didn't do certain things. He taught me that my opinion and my feelings meant nothing. Even on a basic "how was your day" level. At first, he would ask and acknowledge my answer. Then, he would ask and immediately change subjects, as if he hadn't heard me. And then finally he stopped asking. But he was a catch. Girls never gave him the chance he deserved. They were all missing out.


#16 Playing The Victim

In undergrad, I had recently gotten out of a three-year relationship and I was still feeling pretty upset and down about it. A group of friends wanted to go to a club and I thought it would help me get my mind off of my ex. After the club, we went back to my apartment. I shared it with four other friends, so there were a lot of people there.

This one guy I'd been friends with for a few years was pretty tipsy and he passed out in my (twin) bed. When I was ready to head to bed, I woke him up and told him he could have the couch if he wanted, but he had to give me my bed. Since he lived only down the street, he decided to head home. The next day, I saw him on campus and he proceeded to berate me for not letting him stay in my bed, saying that I was a "bad friend" for not hooking up with him.

Apparently, I "knew he liked me and I had led him on." He felt like I treated him poorly for not getting intimate with him essentially (even though I had never expressed interest and was at the time still very much in love with my ex). I stopped talking to him entirely after that. I'm sure he still thinks I'm an awful person and that he deserved to sleep with me because he wanted to.

#17 Just Too Different

I wasn't necessarily "guilted"—my parents liked him and that's probably why I didn't cut him out sooner. I never really saw him as a romantic interest, but he obviously did. On paper, I guess he was a good "candidate." He had a good job, was politically active (not for a party I liked, but my parents liked it), etc. But he had this creepy, controlling thing about him. Like, he said he'd "help me lose weight" while I was having hot chocolate (despite never being officially together).

He had gotten matching scarification with an ex (I mean not huge, but still). He sort of convinced me to a bar I told him I didn't want to go to. He was manipulative. Bottom line is, while my parents apparently found him the ideal son-in-law, I wasn't into him. I thought he was too old for me, I wasn't attracted to him, and our ideologies and personalities clashed. We went for drinks a couple of times, and it only enforced our differences every time.


#18 That's Not It

Most were just awkward, but I do remember one that got horrifying. I don’t remember quite how we got on the topic of conversation, but in an attempt to get me to see that feminism was bunk, he asked me “Would you rather be taken advantage of, or sent to jail for 20 years?” The night ended pretty quickly after that. I’m still not quite sure what he was going for there except proving the opposite of his argument.


#19 The Definition Of Jerk

He seemed genuinely nice, and despite a couple of my friends warning me what a jerk he was, I went on a date with him. Things started out fine, we went for beer and wings. We talked about work and mutual activities. Then he started talking about how he'd like to make enough money to keep a housewife. Which is fine, I'm just not interested in that sort of life and I was happy to know we were incompatible early on. When the time came I asked for the bills to be separate, and he got very upset with me.

The waitress was visibly uncomfortable and I didn't want to argue so I just let him pay. So, he walked me home, we said goodbye and I walked inside. He held the door and said, "Where's my kiss?" I asked him what he was talking about and he said: "I paid so I deserve a kiss or more." I shook my head, shut the door and locked it. He went on to tell some of our friends we got intimate and I was in love with him because he's such a gentleman. A couple of close friends know what actually happened because I hung out with them after the date, but I didn't bother setting him straight.


#20 Lesson Learned

In my personal experience, “nice” guys tend to behave in passive-aggressive ways. Rather than being clear about their needs, they use guilt, manipulation, crying, or other more passive ways to get their needs met. They have often expected me to sacrifice my needs or question my boundaries because they do those things and expect others to do the same. So I’ve learned my lesson. Kind and loving people are wonderful to be around. Kindness is only sustainable with healthy limits. “Nice” people don’t have healthy limits or boundaries so they tend to only be “nice” on the surface and quite unkind and difficult as I get to know them.


#21 Stockholm Syndrome

He spent several years convincing me to go out with him and he wouldn't take no for an answer. When I finally gave in, it was okay at first but I definitely resented him. I wanted to scream at him to shut up whenever he talked. He used to guilt me into sending him private photos, and if I didn't or took too long or forgot he'd call me screaming; yelling about how he needed the photos because he was stressed out at school. I almost lost my friends because he never let me see them. Looking back the whole relationship felt very Stockholm Syndrome.


#22 So Clueless

I didn't date him, but he and I were close friends in college. He was also very good friends with my boyfriend at the time (I met him through my boyfriend). We used to chat for hours at night (either online or in-person) and he was such a fun person to be around. One night, he sent me a long letter, confessing his interest in me. I was really surprised because I was young and also hadn't seen any of the traditional flirtatious signs. I said I really cared about him as a friend, but wasn't interested in him that way, and I also pointed out that I was dating his friend. He sent a torrential wave of messages at that point, calling me "shallow," and saying I only liked my boyfriend for his appearance. Good times.


#23 Spreading Lies

When we eventually broke up, he would tell me he wanted to end himself a lot... But when we were actually dating, he wasn't too bad; he lied a bit and spread things about me that weren't true, but nothing too bad. I broke up with him because of the lies and spreading things; I understand that it is not okay behavior... but it just wasn't anything insane. Jerk things to do, but nothing story-worthy.


#24 Emotionally Ransomed

A friend of mine had a male friend of hers pull the whole "I'll end myself if we can't be together" thing. He held her emotionally for ransom for six months. In the end, the whole thing ruined her actual six-year relationship with her boyfriend and her friendships with people. All parties were at fault, to be honest, but actually threatening to end oneself if someone isn't willing to drop everything to offer full support is just terribly abusive. My friend ended up telling the guy's parents and has since stopped talking to him, so that's a plus.


#25 Just A Trophy

Seriously, it was the worst relationship of my life. He was the nice guy who was always there for me, etc, etc. Until we started dating. Then I saw his mother more than I saw him, and when I did see him, he pressured me constantly for intimacy. Then he cheated on me. I think he just built me up in his mind so much that it became more about "winning me" than actually liking me, so once he got me he had no reason to be so "nice" anymore.


#26 Radio Silence

This guy had been my friend for years but he made no secret of the fact that he really wanted to get in my pants. He even drew fan art of me. The naked kind. But I was a loser and aside from being a little weird about his crush, he was nice to me and didn't try anything. After a while, a friend convinced me to give him a chance since I'd been single for a while. We set up a date. The night of, he canceled, then ghosted me. Then, a year later, after I was already with my significant other, he showed up at my house with a cheap Valentine's basket. I wasn't home, so he left it with my mom. Radio silence continued until I got a job at a store near his house. He'd show up all the time and try to talk, but wouldn't contact me outside of showing up at my work. After I quit that job, I never heard from him again. It was really weird.


#27 Scum Of The Earth

I dated him for three months. He was a bullied geek and not incredibly attractive, but he was a "nice guy." I thought he was harmless, but he ended up causing my depression and anxiety that I struggle with eight years later. He told me he thought I was prudish and that if I loved him, I'd let him get intimate with me (I was 16 and not at all ready for that). He repeatedly tried to pressure me into doing things by telling me: "Your God is just an imaginary friend and he can't see us here." We broke up when he cheated on me with someone he knew from secondary school. Long story short, he was scum and not worth my time. I cannot abide "nice guys" and thank God I never will.


#28 Lost Time

He was manipulative for two years, threatening to end himself more than once over things like hanging out with my friends instead of him. Then, he cheated on me with someone he went to high school with. They’re married now. The whole time, people outside the relationship told me about how we were the perfect couple. Only my close friends saw it for what it was... I should have listened! It would have saved a couple of years of my life.


#29 Thee Crass Co-worker

I wasn't guilted into going out with the guy, but we were coworkers and I knew he liked me. When he asked to go play pool after work, I told him that it wasn't a date and that I only considered him to be a friend. So we went out to play pool and then he was like, "Hey, let's go do some laser tag!" So I said okay. Then it turned into "Let's go to dinner!" I agreed but made it clear I would be paying for myself because it was not a date and I told him I was not into him.

Halfway through dinner, he wrote a text on his phone asking me out and sent it to me. He went to the bathroom before I received it. It was sweet, but I replied that none of this was a date and that I was only interested in being friends. That was the third time I had said it that day. He got upset that he paid for laser tag and stuff that he wouldn't let me pay for at all... and that he wasn't going to get anything out of it. The shy guy turned into a jerk at our job and he wouldn't work with me anymore.


#30 Not Funny At All

I worked with the guy. After he found out I was divorced, he started asking me out, to which I refused. He started sending me emails at work asking him to give him one chance and that he’s a “nice guy” and that I won’t regret it. So, I reluctantly obliged. Our first (and last) date consisted of him asking the female server to tell me to stop eating my dinner because I was going to get fat. He thought this was the most hilarious joke of the night. He was not nice.


#31 A Baby Changes Everything

He was lovely... but then I accidentally got pregnant and he became distant and horrible. He left me to deal with a very difficult situation completely on my own, then broke up with me two weeks after saying that "whatever relationship he got into, it wasn’t going to be long term" and "he knew that from the beginning." Just to be clear, he was the one who got me pregnant.


#32 Trust Your Gut

Moral of the story: self-described "nice guys" are more often obsessive and controlling than actually nice. Many seem to think that if they take a girl on a traditional date (open doors, pull out her chair, walk on the street side of the sidewalk, etc.) then they are owed something. Hey fellas: if you do good things in the hope of a reward, you're not actually being good. Trust your gut and don't put up with jerk behavior.

#33 Sparks Matter

Those shudder quotes around "nice guy" say a lot. The pseudo-nice guy is super dangerous and can eat a lot of a person's life away until the rotten core is exposed. That being said, if you have to be guilted into dating someone that you already know, it's already a bad sign. Having a spark with a person goes a very long way.


#34 A Dumb Decision

I went on a date with a guy and I recommended the banana strawberry Nutella pancakes because I had them once and they were delicious. So he went and ordered them... and refused to touch his plate of food for fifteen minutes. I asked why he wasn't eating and he said he doesn't like strawberries. I almost ended the date right then and there. I don't understand why on earth he would order food he knows he hates just because I suggested it to him. It goes beyond acting as a servant. It was just plain moronic.


#35 The Creepiest Of Them All

He took me to Red Robins and kept putting his hand on my leg (slowly drawing it higher). I asked him what that was about and he heard me and my friend joking that "Girls need to be fed before they put out." I told him to stop, but he kept doing it the rest of the date, with me smacking his hand away. That was the creepiest guy I ever went on a date with.


#36 Good Riddance

I married him. I thought he was misunderstood and that he would change. He guilted me into having intimate relations constantly and he would make me feel terrible if I said no. He played video games all the time in lieu of paying attention to me. I divorced him after two years of misery. It was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Good riddance.


#37 The Chivalry Game

I dated a guy in college. He didn't have a car and I did, so I drove everywhere. On one date, I parked the car when we got to our destination and got out. He screamed at me for not waiting until he got out of the car first. He ran over to open the door because he was "such a gentleman." So then, I started a game of getting to the door first and watch him freak out. The relationship did not last much longer.


#38 Valid Ghosting

He was funny and cute and amazing. We spent a few hours together hanging out before dinner, talking and getting to know each other. At dinner, he informed me how he'd been locked up most of his adult life cause he was an addict and a thief. Then he asked me if I wanted to buy anything off of him. At Applebee's. We scheduled a kayaking date the next weekend. Then, after I left, I blocked him on everything. I'm totally okay with ghosting that one.


#39 The Winky Face

I went out with this guy who my friends all loved. They thought we would be great together. One night, he had to walk home. I borrowed him my walking coat so he wouldn't be soaked by the time he got home. The next day, I went to his place to get my jacket in time for the weekend. He had put a note in the pocket that just had a wink face on it. I took that as a big red flag and just ignored him from that point on.


#40 He Flipped Out

I went out with this guy a couple of days ago. It was polite, but we didn’t have chemistry at all. He was super friendly and fun, so I decided to still see where things could go. I went to his place to watch some TV and talk. It was fun, so I decided I’d agree to a second date if asked. It started to get late and I was getting tired, so I told him I was heading home.

He flipped out. He blocked my way to the door. ”Didn’t you have fun? What’s wrong...” He insisted I answered his questions and the fact that I was tired wasn’t cutting it. He got madder and pushed me against the door. After the push, I got out of there and he let me leave. I blocked him everywhere and now I have bruises on my arm to remind me of the incident.


#41 Accumulating Debt

He brought flowers to my dorm. Everyone I lived with saw him walk in with a huge bouquet and assumed we were a couple. He made small talk with a few people as he waited on me in the lobby, later adding them on Facebook since he would "definitely be seeing them again." He did a lot of things you're "supposed" to do... He opened the car door, paid for dinner, etc. But I could feel that underneath it all I was accumulating debt. Like, now I owed him. My gut feeling was right, as after that he started harassing me, letting me know that I owed him a second date. Actually, that "I owed him a second date.. or more." Gross. Eventually, I just stopped responding to his texts. I realized afterward I should have trusted my gut and avoided him in the first place. So I'll take the blame for that.


#42 Pointing The Blame

He was the nicest guy I’ve met. Super sweet and charming and all that good stuff. Turns out, he was just good at ACTING nice, sweet, and charming. I’ve always noticed how self-centered, guilt-tripping, and manipulative he was, but I hoped he’d grow out of it. He did not. Then, after so much psychological abuse from him, I finally just snapped. From his perspective, I somehow ended up being the person who guilt-tripped him and abused him. Apparently, I was the one with so many red flags. Go figure.


#43 Goodbye Then

The date was weird, so I kind of just let things fizzle out via text. He got mad and guilted me into apologizing to him... so I said I’d give him a second date. He then asked me for a picture of my chest and I told him no. He said that “it would help him sleep.” I stood firm... and then he told me to not bother talking to him anymore because he knew I wasn’t actually into him.


#44 Guilt Tripping

He was a friend of mine for a few years. He asked me out to lunch and I said okay because I had been friends with this guy for years. When we sat down, he started in this ugly cry about how he had a brain tumor and had surgery in a week. He said he had to confess his “undying love” for me in case he passed away during surgery. I was not about to be that girl who turned down the dying guy, so I reluctantly said okay, thinking I could get out of it when this was all over. Three months later, I found out he knew the tumor wouldn’t have ended him and he had said all that so he could show me what a “fantastic guy” he was.

#45 "Not Like Other Men"

I wasn’t impressed with his limited conversation topics (calling other men “mansplainers,” exclaiming his profound respect for feminism, etc.) and obvious attempts to show he’s “not like other men.” When he could clearly see I wasn’t having a great time, he cut me off mid-sentence, hugged me, and said he was going to head home. Very weird experience.


#46 Don't Lead Them On

This happened to my friend. The guy was nice and a good friend to her, but he also had a crush on her. After a long time, she decided to give him a chance. They dated for a few months before she eventually broke it off. She realized that she just wasn't attracted to him and it wasn't fair to either of them to keep it going. They're still friends, but she said that she learned you shouldn't date someone you're not actually into.


#47 "Nice" Guys Finish Last

No "nice guy" calls himself "nice," he uses actions to prove it. Some nice guys gossip more than teenage girls behind your back while putting on a smiling face in front. When a guy selflessly helps you and is willing to go through fire for you, then he's nice. Otherwise, it's all talk. Nice guys also don't lie to their friends. Nice guys finish first, "nice" guys finish last.


#48 Got Out Quick

He seemed nice, but the guy was overweight and used it to guilt people. He used it against me to guilt me into a date, as I was younger and more naïve. I really didn't want to keep talking to him, and he'd always been a weird and somewhat rude guy (making fun of ashy knees, cellulite, periods, etc). I got out quickly and never looked back, and he always got super offended when I didn't talk to him afterward.


#49 Six Lost Years

I spent six years of my life with a “nice guy” and the feelings of guilt never go away. You feel guilty for being with them when you know you don’t love them, but then you feel too guilty to hurt them by leaving for “no reason.” You get no support from family or friends because they all love him and can’t understand why you want to leave. You become a bad person- either for leading them on or for leaving them. You never win.


#50 Run. Run Far Away.

He told me he was excited about the possibility of a relationship with me, and couldn't wait to delete our individual Facebook profiles and create a joint couples one. No. Heck no.




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