When we see someone we’d like to go out with, we obviously want to impress them. It’s hard to know what will woo that special someone, but there are definitely some behaviors that aren’t half as attractive as you think. Here, women describe the worst routes you can take.
Oh goodness, I swear that men driving recklessly blows my mind. I was actually in a car accident in October where my boyfriend at the time was driving way too fast and was changing the radio when I insisted I'd do it instead. We crashed and I have to say that the relationship didn't last much longer after that.
I once made the mistake of going out with a guy who took the masculine thing too far. I couldn't even call him cute without him flipping out. He wouldn't call me anything cute either. He wouldn't even run his hands through my hair because it was too girly. The guy I'm with now falls asleep playing with my hair and it is heaven .
The whole explicit pic phenomenon is so wild to me. Women of all walks of life are plagued with them, but no men will ever admit to sending them. My husband and I were joking about it. He said, "Yeah, like Showgirls was a huge hit in the theater, but on Monday morning at work, nobody admitted to seeing it. Somebody is sending the pics!" I don't think any man thinks pics will get him laid, but I do think we underestimate the number of men who get off on women's disgust. And men who send them have enough self-awareness to realize that causing a woman’s disgust for a thrill against her consent is. . . not a good look.
Bragging about things that they shouldn't brag about to make themselves seem more "manly.” For example, not caring about their hygiene or skincare, not knowing how to look after a child, not knowing how to cook, not wanting to clean up after themselves or clean a house, not wanting to read books to better themselves or trying new things, etc. It’s even worse when they shame other men for it.
I’d have to say that it’s when they try to prove that they are much smarter than me. Dude, I want to be able to have a normal conversation with you. Could you stop interrupting me and actually listen to me for one second. You might recognize that I also have something interesting to contribute to the conversation.
I don’t know why, but some boys think being loud and destructive is somehow cool and attractive to women. This is especially true when they go out and party way too much. They don’t realize it makes normal men and women look down on them, like they’re some kind of subhuman chimp-minded chimera of disappointment.
Order my food for me. Not in a cute, I know what she wants kind of way but a dominant kind of way. I once was taken on a date and he insisted on driving. He drove like a tool there and back, blasted the same T-Pain song over and over, then as we proceeded to order, he ordered everything for me, from the water to my horrible salad. I still paid half the bill! One of the worst dates ever. 0 out of 10 would recommend dating this guy.
Definitely when they brag about how expensive their house, car, boat, etc. is. Either that or how much money they make. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to share your passions and talk about your job; that I’m okay with. But if all a guy is interested in is material items and money, I’m immediately turned off of him.
The whole soft boy demeanour. Wow you read, listen to Arctic Monkeys and The Smiths, drink your coffee black, know the basics of acoustic guitar, write poetry and are too broken and detached to ever truly love anybody after that one time you got your heartbroken when you were 17? Amazing. Now get out of my DMs talking about that “glimmer in my eye” and “smirk in my smile that made you know there was something about me.”
Sometimes, it’s even how we can be “wrecks” together. It’s also being too “broken to love,” but claim to have fallen in love with me after two weeks of sparse conversations where you spout fake deep conversations. Nothing is wrong with any or those interests, I have a lot of them myself, which is how I end up in the same circles as so many of them. The only problem girls have with ‘soft boys’ is how they act in DMS.
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Going into great detail about all the things they’re going to do when they get you in bed and then doing exactly zero of those things. Don’t bring me into the bedroom thinking I’m getting an evening of kink and pleasure when the reality is 10 seconds of jackhammer boinking. That’s only going to be enjoyable for you.
Trusting you know what your girl wants is not the same thing is telling her what she wants. Trusting in what you know about her is understanding her well enough to give her what she wants. The other is just doing what you want and telling her she should “lighten up and give it a try.” That’s really not cool at all.
Messaging someone right off the bat with something like, “Hey, baby. I bet you'd like it if I [insert detailed but poorly-written and grammatically incorrect fantasy that borders on both violent and extremely awkward all at once].” No. No, I would not like that, and no, this isn't… appealing? If I ask for your detailed fantasies, that's one thing, but don't come out the gate with that, man.
Crazy, but to this day a lot of guys think being excessively persistent is the way to get a girl. As soon as I’ve said no, or told you I have a boyfriend, it should be the end of it. If I was interested, I wouldn’t have rejected you in the first place. To be clear, I’m talking about excessively persistent men who have blatantly been told no.
Not make any noise during our relations. I spent many years as a female not making noise and hiding any as a teen due to growing up in a “relations before marriage is a sin” type of household. I’ve since learned that making noise during it shouldn’t be hidden, but c'mon. Make some type of noise so I know you’re into it and not asleep.
Compare me to other girls in a way that's supposed to make me feel special, but is actually just demeaning to every other woman on the planet. Things like "most women only want Chads who will treat them like garbage. I'm happy you're not like that," or "Other females are plastic who are only out for money. I'm happy you're not a gold digger." Say that enough and I start hearing, "I hate women, but I'm nice to you because I think you're someone I can sleep with."
Talking about fights they've gotten in, saying how bad they wanna beat another guy's butt, saying "I could hurt that guy" or other belligerent things. I don’t care if you punch things. I don’t care if you can overpower other men. I also don’t care if you are capable of hurting people. Just be a good person and make good choices. Your contests don’t interest me.
A bit of a contradiction but when a guy is either a playboy or a "nice guy." No one, female or otherwise, needs some Grade A mega-loser making you feel inadequate, nor does anyone need some spineless doormat putting people on a pedestal. They then kick you off of it the moment you reject him. Confidence and kindness are attractive in a man (and people in general) but not when someone takes it to the extreme.
I’m a writer and I get dudes (always dudes!) telling me all the things they don’t do. It’s as if it’s going to impress me. Oops, no, your opinion means nothing to me if you don’t occasionally pick up a book and challenge your paradigm, my guy. Why would I be impressed that you “just don’t do” something I have devoted my life to? There are so many reasons why someone might struggle to read or not enjoy books. I myself struggle with severe ADHD that makes reading difficult without medication. I’m not trying to say if you don’t read, you’re an idiot. I’m saying if you brag about not reading to a writer, what even is your life? I suck at math and it’s not a point of pride.
Being overprotective in a cringy way. I have nothing against a guy who’s considerate, but I really don’t need someone who wants to punch every other guy that just looks at me. I also don't need someone who makes things up like, "I heard these strangers over there talking about you" and frowning at them. Make me feel safe if you want to but don’t make me feel like I‘m made of glass.
I hate it when men flash money, like physical cash, in huge quantities. It’s obvious that they’re trying to make up for a lack of either personality or something in the downstairs department. Plus, it makes me look like a gold digger. It’s not a classy look by any means and I’m not attracted to guys who think that’s cool.
I once had a guy ask me if I liked having his hands around my waste. Yes. He wrote “waste.” All I could picture was him holding something gross in his hands. If it was an isolated incident, it wouldn’t have been so bad, but he was really bad at spelling. It also wasn’t for a lack of education. That’s a turn off for me.
Bragging in general. I've had men tell me on first dates about their salary, their cars, how hot their last girlfriend was, their stock investments, how much money they made on Bitcoin, how early they got into Tesla, how much cash they have on hand, etc. Such a turnoff. Can someone explain to me why exactly they do it? Insecurity? The belief that men are supposed to provide resources so they’re helpfully showing me theirs? The inability to comprehend that I'm a person, who wants to like you as opposed to be dazzled by you?
Negging. I will take that as a literal representation of your personality and I will avoid you. Do it once and I will immediately write you off as a manipulative waste of time. It reminds me of when little boys would pull your ponytail on the playground except it's more unsettling because it's a grown man trying to emotionally manipulate you into sleeping with him.
"Deep" shallow dudes. That's great you like to read and that “nature is your church” or whatever. However, I don't need to know how your keen observations of people at parties you always go to are. Plus, they say they don't enjoy these parties and it led them to supreme emotional intelligence and a nihilistic worldview. You don't sound intelligent, you just think you do because you're stoned.
Talking about all the ways you wanna sleep with me on the first date. I don’t know you, and I surely don’t want to sleep with you. Also, I was talking to a guy who seemed really nice and he liked talking on the phone as we fell asleep. Super cute, right? Nope. Three days in, he made obscene gestures on the other end while we were talking and kept demanding I send photos. He got blocked real quick. I just don’t understand how they 180 like that, things were great until he decided to be nasty.
Being too helpful. Generally, I find men who offer to help when I'm struggling to be very attractive. However, there have been too many times where I've been asked if I needed help with something and I've responded with, "No thanks, I've got it." Yet they keep asking to the point where the task has been taken over. Regardless of intention, too much help can be more demeaning than attractive.
I hate it when guys give me the "I'm so glad I don't have to dumb things down to talk to you like I do with other girls.” Honestly, that whole act is not appealing, it sounds like you're an arrogant loser who's flattering me to get into my pants. Either you’re that or an idiot who dates idiots. Either one, I'll pass.
I had a random penpal send me an explicit photo by "accident" once. I just replied "wrong person" because clearly he didn't mean to send that to his platonic lesbian internet friend. He apologized up and down and but then seemed miffed that I just said, “No worries, man.” He wouldn't let it go and then finally asked me what I thought of it. I told him the truth, I didn't really look at it. He was frustrated .
He could not handle my blaze attitude. Apparently pics are supposed to be polarizing? I finally told him "Look, I'm gay. To me, a picture like that is mostly just a body part I'm not used to seeing, but since you're obsessed with my reaction, it obviously wasn't an accident that you sent it to me in the first place. I dunno if that's rude, dumb, or just plain desperate, but either way our friendship is not going to continue.”
As I’m sure you probably guessed, boy oh boy did the apologies come after that. I ignored them. I still can't quite figure out his thought process behind this move. He wanted to disgust me or he wanted me to humiliate him, maybe both. For whatever reason, apathy was the worst possible reaction I could have had.
Flexing their muscles. It’s so much more attractive when they’re attractive without knowing it or trying to be. I’m not talking about flexing in general, flex for your girl, for your man, in the gym, etc. I’m not against it as a whole. I don’t find it attractive when they’re a random human and flex to other random humans. It’s uncomfortable and awkward.
I’d have to say that it’s definitely when a man cups your waist when they're just trying to get by. If there's enough room, go around. If there isn’t enough room then say “excuse me” and I'll move. But don't put your hand on me and direct me where to go. It's not sexy and I don't need anyone touching me who isn't my S.O.
Putting down other women to compliment us. If you like my personality then say that. Don’t say, “You’re one of the few girls with a personality.” I’ve never met a girl without one? The only girls that like that are insecure. It’s so backhanded and just shows me that being involved with you means I’m expected to compete to be better than the other girls.
Anything involving their members. I personally don't find reproductive organs attractive at all so it's really off-putting when a boy would thrust their hips, making themselves jiggle under their skintight pants. And speaking of pants, that trend where boys would wear their pants really low, showing off their underwear is really awkward.
When I’m online, I tend to swipe left on every guy who just has photos with lots of hot girls in his profile. I feel like he's using these women as props to prove that he is desirable, which is shallow and objectifying. I don’t know about anyone else, but no thank you. It’s the same for guys with shirtless mirror selfies.
I don't know if they think it's sexy, but so many straight guys on dating apps take their selfie pictures with the camera below them, like so far below you get some under-chin action. It looks weird and neanderthal-ish. It also makes me think, “Oh, this guy doesn't look so bad. It’s like he'd only chop me up into three pieces rather than 40 pieces before stuffing me in his deep freeze!"
Jealousy. It's a truly ugly thing and I don't need you to act jealous to show me you care about me. Starting fights with another guy if they flirt with me because they feel like they need to "protect me" in any way is annoying. Being aggressive isn't manly and I can handle myself. If I want or need your help with someone who is being problematic, I'll let you know.
For me, it’s when he does nothing but talk about how much money he has. Congratulations, you’re loaded. But he’s yet to make the connection that the reason he has no friends, isn’t close to his family, and none of his romantic relationships work out is because he chooses his money over humans 100% of the time.
I very briefly dated a guy who did not cook all and always wanted me to cook for him. The more you ask me to cook you a meal, the less I want to do it. I love to cook, for myself and others, but there was something about his lack of regard that ruined it for me. Guys, don’t just assume you’re going to find a woman who can double as your mom and cook for you. Guys who cook are sexy! It doesn’t matter if you’re that experienced. Just put a little effort in to learn some basics.
I hate it when a guy makes a point of telling you their clothes are designer or how much money they spent on something. Like congratulations, you spent $1,200 on a designer shirt where a $60 Zara shirt would have looked just as nice. That’s not super impressive in my eyes, that’s just kind of wasteful in my opinion.
I just started to talk to a penpal and he asked if I wanted to see his junk. I calmly said that I wasn't interested, but of course, he sent me a pic, asking what I thought of it. The junk did look big, though I didn't rate it in any way. I said something like, “It's just okay.” He was frustrated and tried to make me rate it. It didn't work out so he blocked me. I think they're really seeking for a reaction, positive or negative, it doesn't matter. So I think the best way to handle it is to show indifference.
Putting down other women to compliment me. Don't tell me that my no-makeup look is so refreshing from these other fake women out there. Like, why would I want to hear that? Being overly masculine, like acting terrified of anything that could be considered girly and trying to be aggressive all the time is also bad. Also, and this one is totally a personal thing and I know other people love it, but the whole… muscular thing? Like flexing to show off your popping veins? Dude no. Save it for Mr. Universe
Insisting on buying dinner early on. It genuinely makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like I owe them something. I like to split the bill until the relationship is clear (maybe not defined but at least expectations are realistic) then take turns after that. My boyfriend and I have been going out for years and live together. I still make sure we’re equal for the most part because I never want to mooch.
I hate it when guys feel like they have to look super serious in pictures. I see it on online dating websites all the time. In my experience, most people are more attractive when they crack a smile. In my eyes, seeing a picture of you enjoying yourself will go over much better than you brooding into the camera.
When men think that they are "too cool to work.” I went on a date with this guy once who said, "I don't care about all that stuff, I just like to enjoy the present moment.” Sure, enjoying the present is good, but having the mentality that you'll never work? That's something that I found really unattractive. You're not cool, you're irresponsible and have no goals in life. You can never fill your kids' stomach with your coolness.
I hate getting countless shirtless pictures all the time. Either that or guys who are super obsessed with how they look and going to the gym. Like I get it, you like being in shape. But if that's all you can talk about and I have to take 30 selfies with you so that you don't look "fat" in the pictures… yeah, hard pass.
When they talk poorly about your opinions or interests. Don't get me wrong, it's good to have different opinions and interests, but if you start bringing down someone else's, that's when I lose respect for you. You can convince me to give your interests a try or try to explain why your opinion is the way it is. But, if the way you do that is by making fun of my interests and opinions, no. We're done. P. S. It's not just guys who do it. I’m bi and have dated both men and women who do it.
Never allowing the woman to pay. I mean, it's nice if you insist on paying now and then, but when you literally refuse to let me pay or switch my card out for yours when I'm not looking, I just feel like I'm being babied. My ex used to do this a lot and it would really irritate me. This is a matter of preference, though.
Being too pushy. I had this boyfriend who didn't take “no” too well. Every time he asked for a night together or something of that nature, I said no. He would always start asking me, "Why? Are you scared? Is it because of this? Is it because of that? It's okay, I'll be gentle." He would never listen to my reasoning.
When he did, he would find questions and "solutions" to counteract the "fears" I had. He would also pin me down on the bed or floor and wouldn't let me up until I gave him a kiss.
Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot. Don't talk to service people like they're less than you. Don't force faux gentle-manliness if you're going to turn around and use it as an excuse to get into my pants. Also, don't be aggressive and start stuff with people just to assert yourself as an alpha. All of this cringeworthy and all of it gross.
When you’re sharing part of your past trauma and instead of saying, “I’m sorry” and hugging you, they decide to say, “Well that's not even bad. I’ve been through far worse.” Then they go on to unleash their childhood trauma and expect you to comfort them. Then when brought up to them, they say “I'm just trying to show you I understand because I’ve been through worse.”
Following a girl somewhere. I've seen way too many movies, music videos, etc. showing a guy who follows a girl home without her notice. Then the girl eventually (and somehow) falls for him. No. Don't do that. It's just straight-up creepy. If you do like someone and want to see them, just go up and talk to them.
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