These Nightmare Weddings Made Us Say “I DON’T!”

Here comes the bride…and a whole lot of drama. From unexpected objections to scandalous hot tub discoveries, there was never a dull moment at these nightmare weddings. Just don’t expect any of these guests to come back.


#1 You Snooze, You Lose

My best friend’s biological father took off when she was very young. Then, at her wedding, he threw a fit because she did the father-daughter dance with her stepdad, who raised her in his absence. He got so mad, he made everyone from his side of the family leave. The sheer entitlement of it…we were all stunned.

watermelonoma

#2 Blast From the Past

Got invited to a wedding of an ex-girlfriend. There was one of those cheesy dollar dance things where bride and groom shake down the crowd for more money. Fine, I suck it up and dance with the ex for a fiver. Then she whispers something that made my blood run cold. “This should have been you.” Freak-out time. I left very quickly after that. Needless to say, they didn’t last.

RarelySmart

#3 The Vengeful Groom

The church service was absolutely beautiful and the reception was near perfect. After the speeches to the bride and groom, the bride spoke in appreciation for all friends, family, and her new husband. The Groom was last to speak. He thanked everyone for being so good to them. Then he apologized for what was coming next.

He explained that the night before, his bride slept with his best man and that he was filing for annulment immediately. He also explained that he felt it best to proceed with the wedding while he made his final decision. He also suggested that the father of the bride, who paid significant amounts towards their wedding, hold both his daughter and the best man financially responsible. Then he walked out.

rogerthatonce

#4 Dip and Strip

One of the groomsmen was dancing with the maid of honor and they did a dip maneuver. The problem with this being that the maid of honor’s dress was strapless, and her breasts had recently swelled up—she was pregnant—so that maneuver made them pop right out of the top of her dress in front of the whole dance floor.

blueeyesredlipstick

#5 The Ceremony That Will Make Your Jaw Drop

My buddy had a wedding about 15 years ago. We thought he had found the perfect woman, she was so nice all the time, hot as a bonfire, and from what we understood from manly banter as well as her own jokes at the poker table, amazing in bed. Wedding time comes round, “Does anyone have a lawful objection?” From there, everything unraveled.

His dad objects because he hadn’t found a way to tell everyone that he cheated on my buddy’s mom decades ago. But get this: the “other woman” was the bride’s mother. And guess what? The bride was my buddy’s half-sister. Apparently, only the parents knew the truth. A DNA test later confirmed it. Now my friend is in therapy because “the best love and lay of my life was my sister!”

gives-out-hugs

#6 In-Law for Now

The groom looked drunk and the bride seemed incredibly angry. Then there was this woman walking around during the reception placing bets on when they would divorce. I later found out she was the mother of the groom.

destinydivided

#7 I Need a Hot Tub Time Machine

It was like 12 hours before the wedding, and one of my ex’s best friends had a destination wedding in Mexico. Both parties stayed in a huge mansion house overlooking the water. I wasn’t in the wedding party, but I was in a hotel closeby. The night before the wedding, the bridesmaids and groomsmen stayed up late partying.

Everyone passed ou,t but at midnight, the bride’s mom woke up because she heard the living room speakers, which hadn’t been turned off. She happens to hear noise coming from outside and she goes out there. That’s when she made a chilling discovery. She sees the maid of honor in the hot tub, doing it with the groom.

The maid of honor had been raised by the bride’s mom, basically like a second mom thing, so she was shocked to say the least. They had just bought a house too. The wedding never happened and I enjoyed my vacation and returned the dress. Super after the fact, but I did some research and last year they made up, got married, and had a kid. I feel bad for the girl.

palmtrees007

38 Insult to Injury

Roller skate wedding—and lo and behold, the bride fell down and opened a gash on her head. They finished the ceremony and took her to the hospital. She ended up needing emergency surgery to drain the fluid build up in her head, but it went horribly wrong. Because of surgical complications, she ended up having to relearn how to walk.

TheLightningCount1

#9 Change of Heart

Amazingly, I saw the groom object at his own wedding. He just stood up there and started crying, then announced in front of everyone that he had fallen out of love with the bride a while before but didn’t know how to break it off. It was extremely uncomfortable, and they both stepped out. Ten minutes later, they came back in and got marriedbecause she’d apparently told him she was pregnant.

They’re still together, with three kids now. I’m not sure about the husband, but I can confirm that the wife is having an affair. Neither of them are happy, but she has a comfortable life and he doesn’t have the spine to leave.

naked_nun_run

#10 No Praise for His Own Creation

When the father of the bride (!!) told the groom at the wedding, “How can you marry somebody like her? You are too nice, you deserve better.” Surely enough, the marriage lasted less than three years.

annoyingbranerd

#11 Nothing’s More Important Than Me

I had a bride walk into the bridal salon where I worked to pick up her wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, etc. She was in a bad mood and proceeded to tell me and my co-workers why. “I am SO ticked off one of my bridesmaids won’t be able to attend my wedding.” All of us answered “why?!” Super concerned. Her reply was so disturbing, it’s impossible to forget.

She said, “Her brother got in a car accident or something and ended up killing someone.” She then proceeded to roll her eyes and said, “I can’t believe she would drop out of my wedding for that!” All of our mouths were on the floor.

bailey5695

#12 The Mother of All Grossness

The groom pretty much made out with his mother. Big, slobbery kisses on the lips. Then when he was dancing with the bride he spent the entire dance staring over her shoulder at his mother.

Permalink

#13 How Dare They Not Come

One day after her wedding, a friend I went to school with went on a rampage on Facebook about how none of her friends showed up to her big day, and the ones that did show up didn’t dance or participate in anything at the reception. She blasted everyone and made her wedding party feel bad because she spent too much money on unnecessary things.

She made a second post an hour later complaining about all of the people that stopped her to take pictures and didn’t let her enjoy her party. It was hilarious to watch the comments flood in from people who went and were angry, and a few requested their gifts back. Because there was a darker reason that no one came.

A former classmate, someone who has a lot of mutual friends with the bride, lost his infant son earlier that week and the baby’s services fell on the same day as the wedding. Most of the people she was complaining about for not coming had opted to go to the child’s funeral service instead of her wedding. She lost a lot of respect and a lot of friends in two hours.

ittakesonetoknowwon

#14 Nothing Between Us

At the end of the reception, the guys are sitting at a table away from everyone else talking, and we ask the groom why he proposed. His answer creeped me right out. “Because she was naked.” Marriage lasted about a year and a half.

Connundrum1

#15 They Were Warned

A guest let their children play in the kitchen a couple of hours before the wedding despite repeatedly being told not to let their children in there—among other things, apparently they’d been misbehaving a lot. Welp, the kids completely destroyed the very expensive wedding cake. Like, smashed it to smithereens.

Chickenpastalover

#16 Why So Serious?

During the ceremony, when the priest started asking the bride “Do you take this man to be your…”, she started laughing uncontrollably and couldn’t stop. It was cute for about 10 seconds and then things got real uncomfortable. They lasted a year and change. We all kinda knew the only reason they were getting married was that she got pregnant.

c0de76

#17 Wish I Were You, Kiddo

Wedding photographer here. Easily the worst was when the father of the groom, apparently entirely sober, gave a ten-minute toast that devolved into openly complaining that his son got to have intimate relations with the bride and he didn’t. And this wasn’t a mistimed joke about how pretty she was, this was a full-on lament.

I got a few photos of the bride and groom reacting in horror to this and then I went and hid with the catering staff in the kitchen, who were peeking out the door to observe the carnage.

bimalkumarji

#18 Substitute Soulmate

We showed up to a wedding where the bride was not the girl everyone was expecting. Turns out the couple had called it quits like two weeks before, but the groom was so cheap he did not want to lose all the money invested in the wedding reception, so he decided to ask one of his ex-girlfriends to marry him. The girl accepted—it was very awkward because everyone at the wedding was talking about it.

Spillmaan

#19 Plot Twist

When I was in college studying photography, I got friendly with a fellow student who had a wedding photography business but was studying to get his qualifications, etc. After seeing my work, he asks me if I want to assist him on his next wedding, I agree. The big day comes and I’m all prepared to go in to see the groom, but the groom refuses to be in any pics, stating he was feeling under the weather.

I kinda thought he should suck it up, as it’s his wedding day, but he was insistent. The ceremony comes and goes, time for the bridal party photos at the church. Again, the groom refuses pics, much to everyone’s annoyance. Get to reception, speeches begin, and midway through the father of the bride speech, the groom just straight up leaves, saying once again he was feeling a bit ill.

This is where the bride drew the line and went into a rage and started pulling the small groom and bride figures off the top of the cake and stomping on it, yelling “I shouldn’t have married him!” Lots of hullabaloo and guests trying to console her. Everyone agreed he was being dramatic and basically a jerk. We got paid in full even though at that point we were done. But so much more was about to happen.

I go home, feet up few beers…phone goes off, it’s my friend Craig the photographer. The groom passed on shortly after leaving the reception hall. We do 2-for-1 wedding and funeral service now.

shak2die4

#20 Love Is an Open Door

Groom got so drunk at the reception he passed out in the honeymoon suite by himself, but not before he latched the door so it couldn’t be unlocked from the outside. Bit of a Freudian act, there. Seeing the bride kicking the door and hollering at the top of her lungs to be let in at 3 am was not encouraging. They divorced like two years later.

Big_daddy_c

#21 Did I Do That?

I was at a large hotel and there was a good size wedding reception in the bar area. After a couple of drinks, I decided to use the restroom. I went into a stall and a bouquet of flowers was shoved into the toilet. I turned around to see a few guys who looked to be groomsmen and nicely dressed guests. I said that someone had shoved a bouquet in the toilet.

One of the men proclaimed in a stereotypical gay accent, “Oh no he didn’t!” I then saw the group storm out. I went ahead and used another stall and washed up. When I returned to the bar area, my jaw dropped. There was a complete full-on brawl happening. People were beating the heck out of each other, throwing stuff, screaming.

It poured out to the parking area, and then the authorities showed up. Several people were detained and I saw the poor bride crying her eyes out. This was in the middle of Wisconsin. These people all looked very attractive, healthy, suburban, upper-middle-class families. It was very surprising as I saw them all celebrating together before. But clearly there were simmering tensions…

xXUpgraDDeXx

#22 That’s the Wrong Tie

The Bride slapped her husband and left him at the altar because he was wearing a red tie instead of a bright pink flowery one that she wanted all the men to wear to fit in with her “pink princess wedding.” She told him in a text that he had “ruined her special day.” Only her nephew was actually wearing the tie, and he was one years old.

someguyhaunter

#23 Clearing the House

I sometimes work for a wedding planner as a waiter on the day of the event. There was one wedding that was humming along right on schedule. Then, about 45 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to begin, a bridesmaid grabbed me in a panic and told me that the bride forgot her shoes. She told me that the bride absolutely needed her shoes.

I asked where they were and she told me they were about an hour away. The wedding planner talked to the bride and told her that no one would notice if she didn’t wear her shoes. The bride pitched a fit and made an uncle drive and get them. It took him about 2.5 hours to get them. The whole time, we were trying to convince the bride to start the ceremony and she refused.

The worst part was that her family came from another country and didn’t really speak English, so they had no idea what was going on at first. They got super restless and some people even left. We even told the bride that people were leaving. She didn’t care, she just wanted her shoes. Everything was delayed by about an hour and half. People were peeved. By the time the reception rolled around, about 50% of the people left the venue.

YouHadMeAtTaco

#24 Blast That Past

Ex-girlfriend of the groom showed up at the wedding…uninvited and drunk. He broke up with her 10 years earlier and has not seen her in over 8 years. She was loud and saying very graphic things about what she wanted to do to the groom. The bride steps up, goes all out and punches the ex in the face…knocks the ex out cold.

The bride we know is a normally calm and peaceful person. A few of us carry the ex out of the reception and drop her at her apartment about 20 min away. Bride told my wife that “there is nothing that will ruin my wedding day.”

mrsheikh

#25 Not Everyone Wants an Encore

After the vows and the kiss, as the couple was walking together down the aisle. Suddenly, the mother of the bride made an unforgettable announcement. She stopped the recessional and said that she and her husband were renewing their vows right then and there. The husband was mortified but went along with it. After all, they paid for the wedding.

Once they had renewed their vows, the bride’s mother invited everyone to the “joint reception.” Throughout the reception, the mother loudly and repeatedly commented on how many gifts the bride and groom had received and how no one had bothered to bring a gift for the mother and husband. Never mind the fact that none of the guests (nor the wedding party, the planners, nor anyone else) knew the bride’s parents would be exchanging vows.

Towards the end, after a whole night of drinking, the drunken and sobbing mother accused the bride of taking the mother’s “special day,” called her a whole bunch of mean things in front of her friends and family, then grabbed the wedding cake and left. The bride and groom had another ceremony a few weeks later. No parents were invited.

l0destone

#26 This One Leaves Me Speechless

I went to a wedding where it was actually a rule that guests weren’t allowed to talk directly to the bride. Her mom and maid of honor were the only ones allowed to.

SpecialEndeavor

#27 It’s My Way or the Highway

I have a friend who took out a $7,500 loan for her wedding. Then she asked her fiancé to take out a $25,000 loan. (Forced him, really, by saying she’d leave him if he didn’t.) He had much better credit and he got the loan. Then she begged his parents to pay for their honeymoon. His parents were completely unaware that she had asked their son to take out a loan for the wedding.

They thought her parents were paying for a modest outside wedding at a local garden and she repeatedly lied to them until a few weeks before the wedding. She kept threatening to leave her fiancé if he didn’t do things the way she wanted them done. Anyway, his parents were so happy to pay for a cruise for their honeymoon. A really, really nice Alaskan cruise. Guess what?

Well, lo and behold, that wasn’t enough for this Bridezilla. She then lied to her own parents, saying that his parents were only giving them $250 for the honeymoon. Her parents were shocked by this as they were paying for the wedding and reception and thought the groom’s family would at least pay for some of the honeymoon.

They encouraged her to get a better job (she worked 20 hours a week as a receptionist at a nail salon) or to at least go full time at her current job and she flat out refused, saying that she had so much to do in planning for the wedding/honeymoon, etc. She was an absolute nightmare. They got divorced 14 months after the wedding.

sojadedblond

#28 A Sign Would’ve Been Nice

College friends of mine were both from pretty fancy families back east. She had been raised by her mom and stepdad, who sprang for the wedding and reception at their extra posh country club. Her dad and stepmom were also fancy people, but basically disinterested parties in the whole event UNTIL two days before the ceremony, when stepmom showed up to “preview” the location.

She was aghast—shocked!—about the condition of the wooden chairs the country club supplied for guests to sit on during the ceremony. So much so that she contacted the grounds department and demanded that the chairs be painted before the event. She offered to pay. This backfired horribly. When the guests stood up after the ceremony finished, they all had parallel horizontal stripes on their good clothes from the not-dry fresh paint.

benzodiazaqueen

#29 What a Bash

My wife dragged me to a wedding that I did NOT want to be at years ago but I’m forever grateful that she did because I was able to witness one of the greatest spectacles of human drama that has ever taken place. This was like an episode of Jerry Springer. The bride’s LOVER spoke up at that moment and yelled, “I’ll be damned if I’m going to keep my mouth shut and let you take my woman, you sorry piece of garbage!”

This deranged old redneck proceeds to come at the groom WITH A PISTOL threatening to shoot him if he doesn’t give her up. It wasn’t a huge wedding, maybe 40 or so people, but every single one of them went screaming and running. Maybe two people stayed and called the authorities. I grabbed my wife’s hand and we retreated outside to watch the rest of the scene unfold from the church window.

jjett89

#30 Tragic Ending to a Wonderful Weekend

During a three-day wedding, the first night had a raging party. Everyone had just really good clean fun. Nobody was heinously drunk or dramatic, the food was awesome, the servers were hilarious, and the music was the perfect volume and style. Truly a once in a lifetime kind of party and everyone had an absolute blast from the 90-year-old grandpa to the one-year-old toddler. But we didn’t know what was coming.

Next day was the wedding. The bride and groom are coming separately to the church, but the groom is late. He’s stuck in traffic because of an accident, but he’ll be there. He’s all ready and tux-ed up so it’s literally just up to him to slide into the church and get to the altar. He was nervous standing there because he’d been so late—45 minutes—because of the accident but whatever, he’s there now.

Bride is stunning and doesn’t care that things are delayed as nothing can ruin this day. They say their I dos and start to walk back down the aisle. Groom slams to the floor, dead before he hits it. Massive aneurysm took him out. But that’s not the worst part. The traffic he hit on the way there was a result of the bride’s grandparents in a car accident, and they too had passed.

higginsnburke

#31 Quit Horsing Around

My horseback riding instructor told me a story of a time somebody requested a horse for a traditional wedding. They put the horse in the aisle and these people surrounded the horse with firecrackers and sparklers in the small enclosed space! The horse then proceeded to freak out and bolt it out of that place while destroying anything and everything on his way out. They never brought a horse to a wedding again.

Slav_Vapor

#32 The “Best” Man

This happened at the rehearsal the night before. It was a very large wedding and the rehearsal was bigger than a lot of weddings. The minister was going over the vows quickly while giving instructions on what to do. Then he said something about objections. The best man made a horrific confession. He was in love with the bride and was sure she felt the same way.

My sister and everyone else were horrified. It caused plenty of chaos and confusion. As far as I know, after that, neither the bride nor groom ever spoke to him again.

chadspdx

#33 Dishonor on Your Family

I went to a co-worker’s wedding and the maid of honor objected and admitted to being the other woman and that the groom had been cheating with her for months. The bride left in tears and the groom immediately tried to get with the Maid of Honor, but she told him she wasn’t going to hurt the bride further and that he needs to go away.

The bride is doing much better and is now a manager here and I haven’t heard from the groom in over a year. The Maid of Honor and bride are on speaking terms, but I don’t think their relationship is going to ever be what it used to be.

saffronar

#34 What Could Have Been

My brother went to high school and college with this girl that he always thought of as a friend. Her grandparents lived next door to ours. I was friends with her little sister. Our parents were friends…. anyway, she gets engaged and starts planning her wedding. We were invited, of course. A couple of days before the wedding she comes over to our parents’ house because my brother was in town for her wedding and tells him that she will leave her fiancé for him.

Like, declares this in front of my family. He, of course, was all “What the actual heck?” They’d never dated. They’d never kissed. He was never interested in her. She was crying super hard and declaring her love for him and it was weird. She bawled like a baby to the point where she could barely get through her vows…we knew why. Fast forward like 15 years and she’s still married to the guy. They look happy.

Sweetestpeaest

#35 I Now Pronounce You Co-Beneficiary and Wife

My sister-in-law’s first wedding. Never really liked the groom from the first time I met him. After a year or so, he proposed. They started planning their wedding that was to take place in a year. But then, on whim, they get married in a civil ceremony with plans to still have the big ceremony later in the year. A few months after the civil ceremony, the groom goes in for heart surgery, for a bad valve he’s had since he was born.

The big ceremony finally comes except every major aspect of it has been stripped away. Less than a year into the marriage, my sister-in-law brings me a credit card bill and asks me if she knows what this $600 charge her husband has on it. A little internet research and I find that he’s tipping cam girls. They’re officially divorced about a year after that.

It’s obvious what had happened. My sister-in-law was grifted for a new heart valve. He didn’t have the insurance at his job to cover the surgery, so he convinced her to marry him—earlier than expected—to get on her insurance, get the heart surgery, and then split.

stubept

#36 The Dress Is the First Problem

Went to a wedding where the groom accidentally spilled champagne on the bride’s dress. Now, she’s probably not the only bridezilla out there who would go mad. But this turned nasty in a matter of seconds. It started with her being irate over the dress, to blaming him for everything wrong with the wedding, issues with his family followed and to top it all off she questioned his mental health—he’d had problems in the past.

All this, while screaming at the top of her lungs in front of about 150 people. Poor guy never stood a chance.

Queenofwands78

#37 Father of the Bride

The father of the bride had been pretty absent after divorcing her mom. He had remarried and gotten involved with a controversial religious group. His new wife was not invited to the wedding, but the father came and seemed like he was there to be supportiveuntil he stood up during vows and proclaimed that my friend was “a pig just like her mother,” and that the groom should “get out while he can” because the bride was “a soul-leeching succubus.”

taradactyl819

#38 Something Is Wrong With This Picture

I was at a wedding as a videographer. Bride was really happy and everything, but the groom seemed disinterested and bored. Film the ceremony and everything, and we need some shots of the guests mingling. My buddy says he hasn’t got any footage of the groom and asks if I’ve seen him. I say no but offer to walk around and look.

I eventually find the groom way down by the lake sitting on a bench. That’s when I saw something I wished I could unsee. He’s chatting with one of the bridesmaids. They don’t notice me, but I see them share a kiss. Mentioned it to my buddy, who just shrugged and said we were there to film the wedding, so it’s not our concern, but I still feel guilty.

In_My_Own_Image

#39 Maid of Dishonor

I am supposed to be a maid of honor at my best friend’s wedding, but she told me that since I’m ugly, she won’t let me be in any pictures. I’ve never been so insulted in all my life.

FeliciaSeattle

#40 Tell Us How You Really Feel

The bride and groom are at the altar and the minister is speaking, saying something to the effect of, “We are here in the presence of friends and family who are all here to give this union their blessing.” At this point, the groom’s mother stands up and says, “No, not everyone. I do not give this my blessing.” Then they just had to continue with that hanging in the air.

JedLeland

#41 Meet the Parents

My in-laws made sure to beg my now husband not to marry me literally MINUTES from when the wedding was supposed to start. After our honeymoon, there were like three months that we lived with my in-laws. They would beg him to leave me, take full custody of our son, and just forget about me, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

They would tell him that I wasn’t the girl they had planned for him (very controlling people) or that there was someone who they thought would better fit into the family, etc. We’ve been together almost four years now and my Father-In-Law will still say things like that in front of me. My Mother-In-Law waits until I’m not around to say things.

sailorspouse

#42 Real Enough to Us

My friend was about to get married when a woman busted the doors down and screamed at the top of her lungs, “I’M THE REAL WIFE, STOP THE WEDDING!!!” Amazing. The story even got picked up by local news.

Slippy_Lino_the_kid

#43 Party on, Matt

My ex-husband and I were at his cousin’s wedding. Another cousin of his—25, male—was a groomsman. He was an absolutely GIANT guy—6’4” tall, roughly 400 lbs.—and totally the life of the party. Picking kids up and throwing them in the air, holding the groom on his shoulders, dancing like a maniac, having a blast.

I went to the bathroom and came back to the reception. Everything had changed for the worst. The music was cut and everyone was circled around the dance floor just—panicked. There was Matt. Completely purplish red and on the floor while a guest performed CPR and others were calling 9-1-1, taking his pulse, screaming. He passed on from a massive heart attack.

The reception ended right then and there, obviously. The bride and groom were supposed to leave for their honeymoon to Hawaii that same evening. They ended up not going and instead they stayed home to attend the funeral, where the groom was a pallbearer.

YasMysteries

#44 The Mine Phase

My brother’s brother-in-law was getting married. He had a daughter from a previous relationship who was 10 or 11 at the time of the wedding, and also had a second child who was 2 years old with this fiancée. The new wife wouldn’t allow the older daughter to be at the wedding because, “She’s not mine and I don’t want her distracting people.”

wildescrawl

#45 Guilty Conscience

I was working at a wedding when I was younger. I was running the bar at the reception, which was very close to the hall the weddings were at. We were told that the reception would begin around 4 PM. It was already about 3ish and I was packing fridges, the usual barman things, while one of the male guests was still sitting there drinking.

I asked if he was not joining the reception, to which he replied something along the lines of “When I have the courage.” He downs his drink and leaves. 10 minutes later he’s back looking extremely disappointed. Guy orders a drink, and less than 30 seconds later another guy who’s dressed extremely well (turned out to be the groom), walks in, punches him in the back of the head, and leaves.

This dude just picked his drink up and sipped it further. I eventually found out the dark truth. This dude had apparently downed his drink, walked into the reception and admitted to sleeping with the wife on her hen night and again the night before the wedding. He was never invited to the wedding. He just felt the groom needed to know.

STUNSLAVE

#46 Is Now the Right Time?

My cousin’s wedding. My dad’s uncle, the groom’s father, did a toast when the groom and bride were at the altar, and he said, “I’m glad I made it out here today. I just want you guys to know that I have cancer and I’m going to die soon. Congrats to my son and his beautiful bride. Enjoy your time!” Everyone was in complete silence. It was the most awkward thing I’ve possibly ever witnessed.

Permalink

#47 A Matter of Time

I was a groomsman at a wedding two years ago. The bride and groom had been together for right around four years. They decided to write their own vows. The groom went through his. They were sweet as anything. He is a really great dude. The wife decided that during the vows is the appropriate time to let him, and everyone else know, that he would soon be a father.

Everyone was crying and hugging. It was a pretty cool moment. Everything was going great up until a point in the reception where the bride was talking to a friend of hers, telling her how excited she was to be having a girl. Somehow, no one caught her mistake—except the groom, who got up, threw his drink at the wall, and shattered it.

Called his new wife stupid and told her she was a cheating witch and stormed out. The bride started crying and swore she never cheated on him and couldn’t believe he was ruining their special day. The other groomsmen and I ran outside to see what was up with him. Then it hit all of us at the same time. She was 16 weeks pregnant…and he had only been home from Afghanistan for eight weeks.

She didn’t think that anyone would catch that and was somehow going to try and convince her husband they were having the baby early when the time came. I have not heard much from him or her since the wedding, but it was heavily rumored that the pregnancy was a result of a one-night stand with one of my buddy’s cousins.

morphineseason

#48 Why Not Keep What You’re Missing?

I was reunited with a family member just before her wedding. We went out drinking, and she proudly pointed out a guy at the bar that she’d just gone on a trip with and had a weeklong prenup romp. She seemed to think I’d think that was naughty and funny. I just felt bad for her future husband, but figured it was just a bad choice.

The day of the wedding, I went to see her in the bridal suite. She had the guy there with her. She’d screwed him the night before the wedding. They lasted a few years, but it was a miserable few.

amstobar

#49 The Big Problems Start out Small

My cousin had a rather extravagant wedding at an upscale golf course. I didn’t really want to go because I knew he’d hooked up with a friend in our group  when he was engaged to the bride. But family pressure and an open bar persuaded me, and I’m darn glad I went. I knew it was going to be good when the girl he cheated with was there.

Anyway, we have a few drinks at the bar and head to our seats for the ceremony. Apparently, the girl he’d messed around with had gotten pretty wasted because at the moment of truth she yells, “I object your honor, that man’s parts are too small to satisfy; he is unfit for marriage!” like it was a court case. Everyone went silent for a second, and then I looked over at my buddy and we burst out laughing our butts off.

Bride was furious and slapped groom. They both cried, but after a brief break and conversation they decided to go through with it! Unsurprisingly they’re getting divorced after a solid two-year marriage…

summit462

#50 Photo Finish

Musician here, I play frequently at weddings. This was by far my worst one ever. Groom books my string quartet for the entire day. All seems to go well, though you can tell the groom’s family is much more well-off than the bride’s and she seems to love attention. But either way, ceremony and drinks went without a hitch, everyone seemed very happy.

Fast-forward to the meal. We played through the whole thing and as we were packing up, they started speeches. Usually, we’d have left by this point but our stuff was in a little side-room off the banquet room separated only by salon-style swing doors and we had no way of getting out unless we walked awkwardly between the guests’ tables and so we decided to stay put until the speeches were over and listen in.

Best Man and Father of the Bride’s speeches went well and then it was left to the groom. He thanked everyone for coming and then said that for his speech he needed everyone to open the envelopes that had been placed on the tables. There was an excited bustling as people appointed someone on each table to open the envelopes, followed shortly by a very quick change in the atmosphere.

Someone gasped and another person audibly said, “What the heck is this?!” amongst the general confusion. The groom gets back on the microphone and says, “Yes, I’m sorry to say that what you see in these pictures has been going on for about two months. Needless to say, I will be annulling the marriage. Thank you all for coming.”

Turns out the bride had been having an affair with the best man and the groom had found out and hired a private investigator to photograph them at it. He’d printed the pictures and put them in the envelopes. Of course, chaos ensued. The groom dropped mic and bailed immediately. The bride’s mother threw red wine all over her dress and kept screaming that she was a “lady of leisure,” along with an awful lot of things alluding to the fact that her daughter would never find another good, rich man again.

The groom’s two brothers beat up the best man pretty badly. There was a lot of screaming and glass-throwing. The bride was crying uncontrollably and everyone left as it was so awkward. We just hid in our little side room until everyone had gone and then emerged, slightly shell-shocked, to inspect the pictures. There could be no doubt as to what was happening in them.

The groom emailed us a few days later and apologized to us as he realized we’d got stuck. He explained that he’d only found out a couple weeks before the wedding, and having paid for everything with little chance of refunds, he just decided to go ahead with it and out her so that she couldn’t twist the story to her family after the fact.

How he made it through the entire wedding I will never know, but it certainly made for an interesting day at work.

BRM88

#51 A Double-Decker of Trouble

I was at my good friend’s wedding. She’s a sweet girl and she’d fallen hard for a truck driver. Their relationship was long distance forever, so she was thrilled that they were finally getting married. When the priest says, “Does anyone object to this?” a woman stands up and says, “I do.” Turns out the guy wasn’t a truck driver but a married man from Florida who had two kids.

Yep, he just said he was a driver so he could play her long-distance. Oh and obviously the objecting woman was his real wife. Awkward…

Chad_Ostapuscat

#52 ‘Til Debt (Paid) Do Us Part

A person in the bride’s group chat got into a big fight with the bride on the day of the wedding. She ended up getting a brutal revenge. The guest sent the groom’s father a bunch of horrifying screenshots. In them, the bride admitted that she was planning on divorcing the groom after he paid off all her student debts and bought a house, so that she could get the property in a divorce.

The bride tried to deny it, but I guess the groom had suspicions that she was just using him already. After he saw the proof, he called the wedding off. My friend, who invited me as her plus one, was super embarrassed, but I was thoroughly entertained.

LuLuCheng

#53 The Family That Lies Together Stays Together

My sister and her husband. They met each other our junior year of high school, and she moved in with him halfway through our senior year. I never liked him and did not hide that fact. I especially didn’t like him after he hit on me while they were dating. Didn’t hide that fact either, but my sister brushed me off. Before he popped the question, she found out he’d been texting other girls.

He promised he’d change. The wedding was a train wreck, honestly. It was a small affair in our family back yard, with our aunt officiating. That same aunt started crying midway through the ceremony. My stepmother read a poem about them she wrote halfway through the ceremony—she always wants to be the center of attention.

The groom’s drunken father, who had been barred from the wedding, came stumbling in at some point during the vows to search for alcohol, and I saw the groom grab one of the bridesmaids’ bottoms. I didn’t point that out to my deliriously happy stepsister. I should have. A year later it turned out the groom had been texting my stepmom.

My sister somehow forgave both of them. She has low self-esteem. They got caught again a year after that. At that point, my dad had divorced my stepmother, so I have been distant from this whole shebang. But my sister—who I do still talk to—finally divorced that jerk. Divorce for everyone! Let’s pull an Oprah.

coffee-and-insomnia

#54 I Can’t Hold It in Anymore

I witnessed this a few months ago. Random guest stood up and proceeded to basically declare his love for the bride and pour his heart out saying that it should’ve been him up on the alter that day. The whole room went dead silent. The bride went red with embarrassment and the groom went red with anger. But I haven’t even gotten to the worst part.

All this was in front of the random person’s wife. It didn’t go down too well.

rubber_band_ball

#55 “Lonnie No!”

I got booted out of my cousin’s wedding reception with about 20 other people. My cousin had her wedding on a farm with a massive pig roast. From what I remember, there were a ton of people. Anyway, her father and my other older cousin never really got along. At one point during the reception, my older cousin had enough and absolutely lost it.

He looked at a handful of us and asked if we had his back. Of course, we all nodded not really knowing what was about to happen. He disappeared and a few minutes later comes back with a 20lb bag of pork meat from the leftover roast. He walks down to where my cousin’s dad is. My aunt proceeds to yell, “Lonnie NO!!!” The he smacks him right in the side of the face with the bag of meat.

An all-out family brawl ensued. The whole family hasn’t been invited to a wedding ever since.

TheeDaveyJones

#56 Betrayal Leaves a Bitter Taste

I wasn’t there, but an old friend told me about a wedding he attended a few years ago. When it came time for the objection part, a voice in the back yells “She sucked me like 30 minutes ago!” Bride bursts into tears. Groom just walks away.

ottoginc

#57 A Maury Povich Wedding

I went to my husband’s brother’s wedding a few years ago. His ex came, uninvited. We thought this was a little weird, but didn’t think much of it as she sat down. Things got very bad very fast. She was carrying a baby. When the “any objections” was called, she stood up, and said that he had gotten her pregnant and this was his son. The groom looked ashamed.

He tried to deny it, but then she held up proof that it was his child. The wife ran out of the wedding, they broke up. You may be thinking, well, I mean he could’ve gotten her pregnant before his ex-fiancé and him were dating, right? Nope. He and his ex-fiancé had been dating for three years and engaged for one and a half. The baby was only about two months old.

weird_emo_person1

#58 Love Didn’t Ask for a Resumé

My wife and I had thought this one couple wouldn’t last. The groom gave off a creepy vibe. We gave them two years max. Two years came and they were expecting a baby, so we gave them another few years. Few more years came, and another child was on the way. Then about a year later the poop hit the fan. Our initial thoughts were correct: dude was creepy and hiding some sketchy stuff from his past.

Lied about a lot of things, like his education. This explains why he always worked the lowest position in their line of work (they both work in the medical field). He claimed he had a degree, which would put him at a much better paying position, but he kept working the bottom tier job. Money was a huge issue for them, and she made the bulk of their combined income.

Arch27

#59 Beware the Desserts

My mom used to work at a catering company. The company would make an announcement about what food would have nuts in them and other things. Well apparently this one time after they announced the food, one lady walked right up, ate like a peanut butter cookie, and went into Anaphylaxis. They called an ambulance and she passed on the way to the hospital. But that’s not the darkest part.

Apparently she knew full well what was in it.

#60 Stuck in a Rut (and a Marriage)

I was a banquet manager at a hotel for years and have worked hundreds of weddings. Worst one by far: The bride was AT LEAST 20 years younger than the groom, almost definitely an arranged marriage. Only about 20 people were invited to the reception, and the only decoration was a bad quality massive blown up picture of the bride and groom in the shape of a heart.

When the bride and groom walked into the room, someone put the Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling” on the CD player. Then the song played again, and again, and again for three hours straight. The only time it stopped was when the CD ended because apparently, no one learned how to use the repeat feature, so they just burned a CD with the same song on it 20 times. When it did stop though, someone just got up and restarted it.

Almost_a_Full_Moon

#61 Family Secrets

I was not at the wedding, it was way before I was born, but I did get to see the fallout from the event. When my aunt was married, my great-grandmother stood up at the point in the ceremony where they ask for reasons that the bride and groom should not be married and declared that “She is not a Smith, she is getting married under a false name!”

Apparently, nobody had a clue what she was talking about and everybody assumed that she had started to suffer from dementia and so as she began to rant about my aunt’s name not being “Smith,” some of the members of the family removed her from the church and the ceremony continued. It was decades before we learned the shocking truth behind those words.

Fast forward fifty or more years and my grandmother, my aunt’s mother, is dying. A few weeks before she passed on, she told my aunt that her father, my grandfather, was not her biological father and that she had married him after she had given birth to her. My grandfather obviously knew the truth and so did my great-grandparents, but I presume everybody else just assumed that he was the father all along.

My grandmother refused, however, to tell her who her father was. When we dug a little into the family tree, we uncovered my aunt’s birth certificate. Sure enough, she was registered under my grandmother’s maiden name and not my grandfather’s name.

simev

#62 Wedding Crashers

It was a same-sex marriage where the parents and family of spouse #1 were incredibly religious. They have been estranged for years due to the terrible stuff that they did about their child’s sexuality. Somehow, they found out about the wedding (none of them were invited) and showed up as a group mid-ceremony yelling about how they object to this union and it is ungodly for a man to marry a man.

It ended with all of them being carried out by other guests and locking the doors so they couldn’t come in. The whole group stood outside the venue to yell all night until we left.

j3r1m3y

#63 The Worst Groom Ever

I once went to a wedding where both families were Irish. My girlfriend knew them, but I didn’t. At the ceremony, the groom’s ex-wife started shouting something and was gently directed outside. I couldn’t hear what was said. The reception was amazing—nice venue and all, but a bunch of guests had brought their own instruments and just started jamming what I can only describe as a genuine Irish Jig.

There was a LOT of booze. There was no responsible serving of alcohol and I’m certain it was by design. At some point, I used the men’s room and was curious if I’d just seen the groom in a stall (door open) with someone who was not the bride. I didn’t know these people and it might have just been someone else, so I said nothing.

Sometime later and the girlfriend states seriously, “We should get going now.” Yeah sure. We grab our stuff and head downstairs. I see the suspicious fellow again in the stairwell going to absolute town on this same lady. My girlfriend grabs my arm tightly and keeps walking past, mumbles a thank you for the invite, and I just smile and follow cause it’s all weird.

Yep, that was the groom, doing stuff to his ex-wife at his own wedding to another woman. The look that woman gave us as we passed was this smugly dominant, “I always get what I want” drunk glare. Wow. I got it all explained to me after we were in a cab and well on our way home, but that look still haunts me to this day.

ArtificeOne

#64 First Time for Everything

Went to a wedding where the first kiss as husband and wife was literally their first kiss. She went for the quick peck and he went for the “dog licking its bowl clean”-style kiss. She was not happy about it.

bpain454

#65 I Think These Crazy Kids Will Make It

I went to a wedding recently for one of my husband’s friends. Nobody liked the relationship between the bride and groom, including both families and all the friends. It was super toxic and controlling and they managed to completely isolate themselves by hating on everyone. The wedding was mainly just immediate family and a few of the groom’s childhood friends.

It was the shortest wedding in history. When the time came where the minister asked if anyone would object to the marriage, it was completely skipped. I think the couple knew that there were several people who would have objected so just decided not to have it. Also, they put the wedding on the day of a grand final so more than a few people had their phone out DURING THE CEREMONY watching it. When they were announced man and wife, nobody clapped.

Everyone left quietly and then at the reception, there was a betting pool for how long until they would get divorced.

onionrings4eva

#66 The Delegator

This is a story of a groomzilla. The bride would set out a list of tasks for him to complete. Then, the second she was out of earshot, he’d turn to one of the planners and say, “You heard her. Get it done.” He was also just generally useless, coming to meetings late, always getting drunk with his groomsmen and expecting his bride handle all the work herself.

MammothRavine

#67 Attention-in-Law

My time has come. Good friends getting married; it was a medium-sized wedding. It was a wedding and reception by a lake, and everyone knew the venue, so we dressed accordingly—shirts and comfortable trousers, sundresses and sandals, etc. Bride’s sister-in-law is dressed like she’s heading out for an evening of dinner and dancing.

Sky-high heels, tight dress, rhinestones everywhere. She looks gorgeous! But it’s not comfortable. And we’re outside. The ceremony is sweet… except for the words “bloody bugs… bloody pine needles, darn dirt…” that’s being picked up from the small (yet apparently mighty) microphone up front. Oh, but there’s so much more.

Right after the ceremony, we walk over to the gazebo/picnic area where the reception will be, and the sister-in-law starts lobbing her high heels at her husband, screeching about what an awful day it is, gashes her husband’s eyebrow open. While people are scrambling to get him napkins because facial wounds bleed and try to get him into a car to drive him the hospital for stitches, she decides to up the ante.

She says, “I can’t take this anymore!” and throws herself off of the dock in a dramatic swan dive. There was just one little problem with it all. The problem is, the lake at that point was only four feet deep, and marshy, so instead of a suicide, she just sort of… bobs along in the water because everyone’s more concerned with her husband’s eye/face.

Sister-in-law’s father just turns towards the lake, tells her to get her butt out of there and cut the nonsense. They pile into two cars and drove off. It was surreal.

GroupGuide

#68 Long Term Investment

I was my sister’s maid of honor and her unpaid wedding planner. She was a Bridezilla. Not only did I plan and pay for her wedding shower, but she also wanted a private gift from me—from her super expensive registry where I couldn’t afford a darn spoon. Everything had to be perfect and meticulously planned, right down to our toes, weight, and how much we ate and drank. She’s a micromanager by personality. The marriage didn’t end up even lasting three months.

NormalNobody

#69 Here Comes the Party Pooper

I was a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding a few years back. The bride was okay throughout their relationship, but it felt very superficial, and she had done small things that signaled that she wasn’t a very kind person. Leading up to the wedding, she got snippier, which we all brushed off as nerves, but she was being straight mean to her other sister-in-law (SIL), who was literally doing everything.

SIL planned the bachelorette party exactly as my bro’s wife wanted—bro’s wife pouts because we were talking to each other as well as her and just stands up and leaves. Just leaves. Other SIL is clearly very hurt, and we did our best to cheer her up, but she had to share an awkward hotel room with bro’s wife, so yay. The rehearsal comes, and bro’s wife sends SIL out to do all the last-minute errands.

So, flowers, decorations, and tons of other stuff was missing, and SIL was blitzing to retrieve it. We didn’t know until bro’s wife both bragged about what she did, and whined about how SIL was late, useless, etc. I told her SIL was doing everything for her, she should be grateful, and then left while she was screeching. But she took it to the next level at the wedding.

Day of the wedding, she’s miserable, barely smiles, whines to everyone for everything, refuses to dance at the reception beyond the first dance because she wanted to pout over unknown reasons, tears open the gifts to see who was cheap and who was worthy, and then flounced out while leaving trash just everywhere.

I don’t know how, but she and my brother remained married for about five years. She was just nasty the whole time. My brother is also an idiot, but darn, she really went all out to one-up him. So she’s gone, and we’re all much happier without her. Still keep in touch with her brother and his wife (other SIL) though, because they’re great folks.

MamieJoJackson

#70 Maternal Instinct

I went to a friend’s wedding and, during the reception, his mother (an abusive alcoholic) got up to give an impromptu speech. She said, “I can’t believe that my son is marrying that horrible loser. She’s going to ruin his life!” The groom ripped the microphone out of her hand, then yelled at her and asked her to leave. For the record, the bride turned out to be an incredible person.

mrgreen999

#71 Marry Us, Marry the Drama

At the rehearsal dinner, my brother-in-law’s crazy ex somehow showed up. She started her insane rant by saying that she forgave him for breaking up with her, and he seriously needed to stop trying to act like he moved on. He and my sister had been together for a couple of years and had been living together for at least two, like I’m pretty sure he ain’t faking it.

Then she decided to claim she was pregnant with his child. My brother-in-law proceeded to tell her that she was his greatest mistake, and that if she was pregnant it was probably her stepfather’s just like the last one. She claimed it was his and she  got an abortion without telling him. Me and the Best Man kindly kept her away from the couple and called the authorities.

221CBakerStreet

#72 No Laughing Matter

A friend of mine works at a wedding venue. She told me about one wedding where the best man decided to object by making some jokes about the time that he slept with the bride. He assumed that the groom already knew about it. Turns out he didn’t, and he was NOT happy. The reception was abruptly canceled and all the guests were sent home.

RainbowRedRose

#73 Dance Til You Drop

At one engagement party, the groom was trying to carry off his soon-to-be bride, you know because he’s manly and will have his way with her. Anyways, she is SCREAMING at him to put her down and when he finally complies, she slaps him right across the face and yells “I’M NOT DONE DANCING.” They were super badly matched.

Delete_Rewind

#74 Let’s Go to the Tape

A friend of mine was getting married to a guy she had previously dated but broke off the relationship because one night he was drunk and tried to choke her. They were apart for a couple of years (he supposedly cleaned up), and then started dating again. This guy was bad news. He would talk smack about her all the time, make her cry and stuff, but she kept dating him.

The worst I ever saw him treat her was after I’d already received their wedding invitation in the mail. I was out with my girlfriend when we see Mr. Toxic sitting at the bar, kissing some random woman. I whip out the phone and start filming. I go over to my friends’ house. Mr. Toxic’s car isn’t there, so I show her the video.

She breaks down and says she says she doesn’t want to marry him, but feels obligated because all the reservations are already made. I’m like, okay she’s never going to end. That’s when I came up with an ingenious plan. I go see her dad. He’s a hulking 6’4″ Harley rider with a handlebar mustache. When I show him the video, veins start showing up on his forehead.

Before I left, he asked if I could send him the video. I’m like, “Of course.” The next day he calls me up and tells me that the wedding is going to now be a “Dodging A Bullet ceremony with maybe a butt-kicking for the finale.” I told him that I would be more than happy to attend. Apparently, dad told my friend he’d never let her marry Mr. Toxic and they hatched an amazing revenge plan.

The day of the ceremony, Dad had a huge flat screen TV plugged in at the venue. When dad and daughter got to the end of the aisle, the flat screen with surround sound came on and the video played. Mr. Toxic was pasty white, sweating profusely. He did the perp walk down the center aisle, caught my eye with me giving him the finger too.

When he leaves, Dad says, “Let’s Party!” It was amazing. We had a great night. My friend danced her butt off and laughed a lot overall. About six months later, she met the man of her dreams. Just a really fantastic guy. The wedding is this September.

DeanSmartin

#75 The Icing on the Cake

We had a guestzilla. An older aunt of the bride’s showed up wearing a white lace gown. She told the groom she didn’t want him in the group picture because it was only for “family.” When the caterer put aside the top tier of the cake and put it in a box for the couple to have on their first anniversary, she began to pick off and eat the icing with her fingers.

rsauchuck

#76 Clean-Up on Aisle One

The groom said in his speech, “When I joined a dating agency, I never thought I’d be so lucky as to find my own personal cook, dishwasher, and washing machine.” Not only is that a terrible way to describe ANYONE, he’s in for a nasty surprise when he realizes his wife is actually a complete diva and will expect him to do all those things for her! Bad relationship all round.

milliet

#77 Vape and Escape

Oh god. At my cousin’s wedding, her maid-of-honor was a complete and utter mess who said she wasn’t going to give a speech, then drank a bunch and insisted on it. She stood up and opened up her phone to the “notes” section and just started reading down this list of memories and then going off on tangents and then going back to the phone and saying “Whoops! lost my place. Where was I?”

Her stories were AWFUL. They were about how she loved my cousin so much and hated the guy she married and how she thought he’d ruin their friendship, but she learned to tolerate him. It went on and on until one of my aunts started clinking her fork against her glass to get her to shut up and everyone started doing it and the DJ had to come and turn off the microphone.

So this girl sits down, crying, and opens her little purse and pulls out one of those GIANT vape pens and takes a big pull and then just chucks a massive cloud in the face of the groom. It was amazing.

knutmeg

#78 Sometimes a Bad Day Is Just a Bad Day

My best mate and his girlfriend. They were from polar opposite sides of the world with the bride some 10,000 miles from home. They were both located in a country that was not where they were born, they did not speak the language and they both were under immense strain. The Bride had other issues too that I won’t share, but that exacerbated the situation.

The wedding was a small and simple affair—a registry office and a pub lunch, followed by a few beers by just very close family and a couple of friends. I was taking photographs. The bride’s mood was annoyed at best. Her new husband would put his arm around her, and she would push him away. She stated to me she just did not want to be there.

More than once, she just stared at me in total despair. As a result, he looked despondent at times and almost heartbroken. I didn’t think they would see the year out. 15 years later they are still very much together, very much a team and happy. They worked it all out, they learned from each other and they stuck to it. And for me, I couldn’t be happier for them.

Permalink

#79 Busted

When the pastor got to the part “or forever hold your peace,” the bride said, “Yes, I’d like to say something.” Then she turned to her guests and revealed her disturbing discovery. “I’d like to thank my maid of honor for sleeping with my fiancé last night.” With that, she threw her bouquet down and stormed off. The story even made it onto local radio at the time.

PTSDPillowGuy

#80 Parental Discretion

In my experience, this one bride’s family was the worst I ever dealt with. She was marrying an Australian guy and her family made it immediately clear that they didn’t want her marrying a foreigner. They even brought in an ex-boyfriend to try to seduce her before the wedding. It was ironic, because the ex looked like a barely 5’6” tall while the groom was easily 6’6” tall and looked like some kind of Greek warrior.

The worst part was that this wedding was just a formality because they actually got married in Australia. The whole point of this wedding ceremony was to make her parents happy, and the groom was even paying for most of it as a gesture of goodwill—yet her family was the reason it was a disaster. I felt pretty bad for the bride.

illogicalfuturity

#81 If You Can’t Put a Ring on It, Then You Shouldn’t

I worked as a photographer at a wedding chapel on the Vegas strip. We had a young Chinese couple come in with their friends and get married. The minister did his normal speech, but when it came down to the vows, I could tell something was wrong. The groom kept putting the ring on the bride’s finger and taking it off hesitantly.

This went on for a few uncomfortable minutes. At one point, the groom asked the bride if there was someone else and she nodded her head. After a couple more awkward moments, the minister explained that if he did not pronounce them man and wife, it wouldn’t be valid. They decided not to get married. Their friends still bought the DVD, though.

Salmaakber

#82 Not Every Achievement Needs to Be Aired

The bride’s older brother gave a speech where he talked about how he changed her diaper when she was a baby. He then told the groom that because of this, he (the brother) “saw her first.” It was super gross and cringey.

ironicstickballoon

#83 Brides in Different Area Codes

My boyfriend was friends with a guy who was getting a quickie marriage and needed witnesses. We agreed and went inside the little reception room, where the preacher, bride, and the groom were lined up waiting on us. The preacher started his thing and I noticed a woman come in and lean against the back wall. She looked peeved, standing with her arms crossed.

Preacher: “Is there anyone here today who objects to the union of **** and ****? Please, speak now.” The couple looked back at us and we both smiled. Suddenly, the bride’s attention turned to the woman in the back of the room. Bride: “What the heck is she doing here?!” The woman quickly raises her hand, looking at the old preacher.

Woman: “I object! I don’t agree with this marriage!” The bride glares at her. Bride: “Shut up! Wait your turn! It’s my scheduled day! You’re just mad you didn’t think of it first!” The woman had to be dragged out of the room, kicking and screaming and spitting at the bride. After the reception, I learned the whole crazy story.

Apparently, this guy was originally in a relationship with the bride. After ten years together, he started sleeping with her sister, the woman. They were close sisters, but eventually, both ladies got pregnant by him simultaneously. They fought each other like cats and dogs for the next several years until the two cousins became school-aged and best friends.

Neither one of the sisters would give up the man and he wasn’t sure which one he loved more, so he kept seeing both women. Last I heard they were all still together, but the two sisters had teamed up to take down his pregnant mistress.

redhourglass8

#84 90 in Age, 20 in Spirit

My buddy married a woman who was estranged from most of her family, save her 90-plus-year-old grandpa. They were so close and he was in such poor health that the wedding was held in grandpa’s backyard, so he could be there. 36 hours before the wedding, he had a massive heart attack and was rushed to the emergency room.

They were recommending hospice/palliative care and bride-to-be was going to call off the wedding. Grandpa insisted it go on, even with him not being at his own house because people were flying from all over the country. All of this during intermittent bouts of consciousness. Fast forward to the wedding, and this determined granddad “broke out” of the hospital.

He just unhooked all his equipment/IV stuff and took a cab to his own house hours before the wedding. The family that was invited was incredibly upset but knew how close he was to the bride and he ended up staying through the whole ceremony without issue. Slept in his bed and then returned to the hospital the next day. Think he also drank a few beers. Absolute legend of a man.

an4x

#85 Should’ve Done His Research

There was a couple who had been best friends forever—like, many years. They never put the boyfriend/girlfriend label on anything, but they were both in the military, lived together, and were an item long before they introduced each other as girlfriend and boyfriend. By the time they started “dating,” they only really dated for about a year before they got married, even though they’d effectively been together for over a decade.

Their families knew each other and everyone who knew them knew they were going to eventually get married. It wasn’t weird if you knew them. During their wedding, they were brought to the dance floor to play some kind of newlywed game while the DJ—who didn’t know them—MC’d the event. He asked how long they dated, to which they said just under a year.

The DJ goes on this rant about how he can’t believe people that only know each other for a short period of time and get married. He un-ironically asked them if they understood that they were getting MARRIED and that he seriously doubted that they’d known each other for long enough to make that kind of commitment. Yikes.

raddlesnake

#86 A Haunting Ceremony

My grandpa was getting re-married, and for some reason insisted that the wedding be held in an ancient dilapidated hotel in Western Pennsylvania. He grew up near there, so I guess it had sentimental value or something. Well, this hotel happened to be adjacent to a creepy old amusement park, which was hosting a giant Halloween party the night of the wedding.

The entire ceremony was marred by bloodcurdling screams and chainsaws, and moaning people spattered in fake blood were wandering outside the wedding hall the entire time.

smancash

#87 In This Case, First Is Probably the Worst

The groom’s dad interrupted the wedding to interrogate the bride’s father about whether or not she was truly a virgin. Then he went on about how he didn’t know anything about the wedding. Truly weird and embarrassing. I’d actually gone to the wedding with a boyfriend, and after seeing what his family was like, I did not stay in that relationship for much longer.

chickenbiscuit26

#88 Not an Ideal Start

My husband went out with his dad and soon to be father-in-law the night before the wedding, got totaled, and spent the wedding day unable to function. My dad had to help him get dressed the next morning because he couldn’t manage otherwise. During the ceremony, I had to hold his hands to keep him from tipping over. But that was just the beginning of my nightmare. 

While we were on the way to the reception, at a fancy hotel downtown, we had to pull the limo over so my brand-spankin’ new husband could pee on the highway because he hadn’t gone before we left. Prior to peeing, he threw an absolutely mortifying tantrum in the limo and screamed at his cousin, my sister, his brother, and myself.

He then sat through the entire dinner with his head down and the mute button on. He said maybe three words the entire dinner. On top of all this, my stepbrother-in-law showed up high on horse tranquilizers and passed out in his bowl of fettuccine.

sosqueee

#89 Marking Your New Territory

Didn’t witness the incident thankfully but got to see the awkwardness right after it happened. Groom gets completely drunk before the wedding even starts, so after drinking for a few hours at the reception he can barely stand. He still goes up to his new father-in-law and says he wants to talk to him. Walks into the bathroom.

Father-in-law thinks that is odd but maybe the groom wants a few words with no one around. They walk into the bathroom and the groom proceeds to pee all over the wall and then walk out leaving his new father in law just standing there. The new father-in-law explained what happened to my date not long afterward. As far as I know, it was never spoken of again.

Sadiemae1750

#90 On the Fast Track

I was working at a “wedding factory.” On Monday, we got a call the Saturday wedding was canceled. They were told that they would lose the deposit (around $7,000). Then on Thursday, they said it was back on. When the guests arrived, everyone was cheesed off. It seems they told everyone was it was off, then two days later that it was on.

The ceremony was about 3 minutes long. The bride then changed into sweatpants and then everyone got angry drunk. “Well this won’t last long,” I thought. Then on the following Monday, the bride walked into my then-wife’s divorce attorney’s office.

redcapmilk

#91 One Wedding and One Funeral

The groom attacked his new brother-in-law to death…with the knife used to cut the wedding cake, no less. You really can’t make this stuff up.

aHorseSplashes

#92 Anything Goes in the Mountains

Holy moly. My cousin “Jan’s” wedding was basically just a preamble to an elaborate Dance of Divorce that we all knew was coming from the moment the engagement began. For context, this took place 15 years ago in the backwoods of North Carolina. My family is just a generation or two removed from snake-handling in church, so some of the wackiness is the product of upwardly mobile inbreeding, and redneck gumption.

Just a few things that come to mind: Her fiancé proposed to her OVER THE CORPSE OF HER FATHER. He was over with the family watching TV when Jan’s dad collapsed on the floor. He passed before emergency services arrived. Her boyfriend grabbed her hands as she was sitting next to her father’s body, pulled her up to her feet, and then asked her to marry him.

He later said that he “didn’t want her to get away.” The fiancé then disappeared for a month the week after the funeral. Nobody knew where to reach him. The bride’s white trash mother told Jan that she had to get married within four months because she  planned to move to another state with her new boyfriend to avoid bill collectors.

When Jan’s fiancé showed back up, he was cagey and weird. He later confessed his guilty secret. He’d been living with his ex-girlfriend because she insisted that he had to give her a month of his life, or she’d take him to court for child support that he was supposed to be paying on their infant son, but had never paid. Throughout all of this, Jan continued to insist that she wanted to marry him.

My mother and I did most of the wedding prep and arrangements. Jan’s mom, despite insisting on the 4-month timeline to help pay for the wedding before her move, never contributed a dime. We were both pretty convinced that the wedding was going to be canceled at any moment. But, the day arrived, and so did the principle players.

At the wedding itself: The groom walked around drinking PBR out of a massive travel thermos with a novelty straw and told everyone who would listen that Jan was a good “starter wife.” Jan threw several tantrums about stupid stuff, including one in which she accused the groom of taking her drink. He told her she was a “dumb slag,” but it all worked out because then she found her drink.

The groom pulled the ring off of Jan’s finger during the reception and swallowed it “as a joke.” The groom picked a fight with his father because his dad had asked the ex-girlfriend to stay at home, and the groom had really wanted her to be there. Jan was in the dark about this invitation until the fight happened. Shocking precisely nobody, except possibly Jan herself, they eventually did divorce.

Eating the ring caused the groom some discomfort, so they had to cancel their honeymoon to the mountains so that he could go to the ER and get hospital-grade laxatives. They lost money on the cancellation and the ER visit, which they really didn’t have to lose. That resulted in some immediate debt problems, and they lost the trailer they’d planned to rent when they couldn’t come up with the deposit.

That resulted in both of them moving into the groom’s parents’ home, into his old bedroom. Things went downhill from there. The groom’s ex-girlfriend popped back up less than three months after the wedding, heavily pregnant with his second child. She went after him for another “shared month,” but Jan wasn’t cool with it. The ex ended up taking him to court for child support.

Jan got a second job to make ends meet while resigning herself to living with her in laws for a while longer. One day, after he’d dropped her off at work, the groom sold Jan’s car. He then disappeared for several more weeks. She lost both jobs, and shortly thereafter realized she was pregnant. The groom accused her of cheating because he thought he couldn’t have more than two children in a lifetime, and his ex-girlfriend had already filled the quota.

As I understand it, this is what ultimately caused the rift in their relationship.

Permalink

#93 At Least She Admits It

At the rehearsal dinner, the groom’s mom is in tears, because “he looks miserable” and he was, we all knew it. During the vows they had written for each other, the bride starts with “I know I can be a pretty terrible person, and I don’t know why you’ve stuck around, but that’s all going to change starting today!” They were divorced a year later.

vogelarcher15

#94 All the Wrong Moves

The bride said she had a surprise for the groom, so she disappeared, groom got sat in the middle of the dance floor, and bride came back to do a seductive belly dance for him. In front of their whole families and friends. Neither of them is even remotely Middle Eastern. It was so, so bad.

ItsOkImNotALady

#95 No Double Dipping!

I once went to a wedding where the bride got back at her cheating groom in the most ingenious way possible. In the final moments of a Jewish wedding, after the marriage was finalized and all official, the bride straight up runs into the crowd and says, “I’m divorcing my husband for sleeping with my sister!” Here’s why this was great.

I’m not Jewish, but apparently, once you’re married in that faith, the bride or groom cannot marry or remarry someone related to the previous wife or something like that. So, this bride not only publicly humiliated her cheating groom and her sister by outing them. She also sealed the fact that they can never ever be together. Mic dropped.

contentbelowcost

#96 The Bride Did What With Who???

My older brother and sister have always been super close. They’re both much older than me, so I always felt like the third wheel in sibling stuff. When my sister started dating this guy that she met at college seriously, I could tell something wasn’t sitting right with my brother. I could hear him crying at night and he was missing work a whole lot. She was a big part of his life.

I figured he was upset that she wouldn’t be moving back home after college. Eventually, it all blew over, but I could tell he still wasn’t right. My sister’s boyfriend eventually proposed to her and she said yes. Her fiancé was a software engineer for an investment firm, so he was loaded. Their wedding seemed like a fairy tale—but we had no idea what was coming.

We all thought it was going to be the wedding of the decade. On the day of, my brother is nowhere to be seen. My parents were starting to get concerned, but they kept quiet because they didn’t want to ruin my sister’s big day. Everything was absolutely perfect. As we sat and watched the 40-hour long Catholic ceremony, we heard a car come to a screeching halt in front of the church.

Everyone turned their heads towards the door, waiting to hear a crash. A few moments later, the church doors open and it’s my brother. It’s a big church, so I didn’t have a good view, but I could hear people gasping. I knew something juicy was going down. As my brother got closer, I noticed why everyone was in such shock. He was naked and drunk.

He stood in front of the front row and said, “I object” like they do in the movies. It was there that he broke down and admitted his love for our sister. He revealed that they had been sleeping together for several years. My jaw was on the floor at this point. My mom was beside herself and my dad held my mom with his eyes closed.

My brother then went on to reveal that he had gotten my sister pregnant and that he was broken over her decision to abort. He said he still wanted to start a family with her and that her fiancé didn’t deserve her. Several of my uncles dragged him away as he screamed about his love for my sister. Upon learning this news, the priest canceled the ceremony and the wedding was called off.

My sister’s fiancé didn’t say a word. He just left and we never saw him again. I still talk to my sister, but her and my brother have been excommunicated from the family. My parents even went as far as taking them off their wills.

Diarrhea_Machinist

#97 Popularity Contest

My friend (groom) was getting married to this awful girl we all hated. They broke up during the rehearsal dinner after arguing about the order the groomsmen would stand in (she wanted her brother higher in the order). Wedding still happened the next day, even though they were “broken up.” We all show up to the church not knowing if the bride would show or what the heck would happen.

She shows up, pastor asks for the objections, and her mom objects—yells something about how the groom is a piece of garbage and isn’t welcome in her family. Mom leaves the church and dad and brother leave after her. Bride is just standing there staring at the groom with a real smug look on her face and says, “Told you that you should have put my brother second in line instead of fifth.”

Pastor doesn’t know what to do, but just kind of keeps on trucking and eventually they’re married. Drank a ton at the reception, we all did. Also, they’re divorced now, didn’t even make it a whole year. Never saw that coming…

gc_5678

#98 Not an Easy Mistake to Make

Was a bridesmaid in a wedding. At the reception, we couldn’t locate the groom for the first dance. We fanned out to search for him. I found him…in an intimate position…with his 2nd cousin. His excuse: he was drunk and thought it was his new wife…even though she was in a bright red dress. The marriage didn’t last long.

govzombie

#99 Missed Encounters

At a wedding of a college friend of my husband’s, we learned that the bride (his old friend) had been in love with him for over a decade. We learned this from the women at our table at the reception. We introduced ourselves while we waited for the bride and groom to arrive. They were horrified that we were there—and extremely worried.

My husband had NO idea that she had feelings for him. She bee-lined right for our table after the “introducing Mr & Mrs” thing—ignoring her family and leaving her husband standing alone. She clung to my husband and sobbed—lifting her head to glare at me. She had to be pulled off of him.

She repaired herself, then followed us as we tried to leave quietly—her parting shot was to stare at my chest and say, “Well I guess I know what I was missing all along!” Her new husband was in shock and my husband was horrified and embarrassed—he was completely clueless and would never have gone to the wedding if he’d know she was obsessed with him. It was bizarre.

streamstroller

#100 Whoops!

I work wedding bars often in between library shifts, and I saw a wedding where the bride never turned up to the altar and texted the guy 15 minutes before saying, “Sorry but I’m not coming.” It was super depressing, they went ahead with the ‘party’ and the groom ended up leaving at around half 7, the rest of the guests at 10.

What had happened was the bride had spent all day with her parents the day before and they apparently hated her husband to be and had convinced her not to show up. Last thing I heard was she came to his door the next morning and apologized, they’re still together as far as I know…Man was that an awkward work night.

Camero32

References: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Source: Factinate