People Share Their Most Disturbing ‘I Now Understand Why They Divorced You’ Moments
Considering that nearly 50% of U.S. marriages end, it’s hard to assign 100% blame for a relationship’s implosion on either party to a divorce. Sometimes, there are simply issues with compatibility and both people end up strangely satisfied with going their separate ways.
Just because your first marriage ends in divorce doesn’t mean you’re the problem, though. People grow and change and get second chances, and many who have been through divorces find healthier, happier relationships in the aftermath.
But sometimes one person was actually 100% to blame for a divorce, and that person is basically destined to die alone.
If you’re dating a divorcee, that doesn’t mean it’ll end in disaster. Still, be wary of the warning signs that signal your significant other might have been the problem in their marriage.
Here are a handful of Reddit users who found themselves in serious relationships with divorcees – and soon realized why their marriages fell apart in the first place!
Don’t forget to check the comment section below the article for more interesting stories!
#1 Wildly Possessive Stalker
I didn’t marry him, but my ex-boyfriend was divorced and he made it seem like his ex-wife was a total nutcase. He said that he gave everything to her and even quit his job to move to Georgia with her (they both previously lived in Minnesota). He said he had paid for all of her bills and makeup and clothes and even paid for trips and she took a different guy with her on a lot of them, leaving her husband behind. The marriage ended when she went on a trip to New Orleans with her friends and didn’t come back.
About a couple of weeks into our relationship, he began to get EXTREMELY possessive over me. I figured it was because he had been through so much stuff with his last relationship, so I tried to overlook some of it, but it got so intense that he printed out a list of rules that I was to obey, which I obviously refused to accept. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without telling him, and he had to have visual evidence of my work schedule. It was ridiculous. So, logically, I broke up with him. But he was relentless. He kept showing up at my house and work and it was just embarrassing. Finally, I threatened to get a restraining order and he left me alone.
A few months later, I got a Facebook message from this random woman who was asking me if I’m okay. I’m like, “yeah, why?” Like, who are you, you know? It turns out that she was the “crazy ex-wife,” except that they were never really married. They were dating for a bit, and when she refused to let him pay her rent, he BOUGHT THE HOUSE FROM THE OWNER and would not accept her rent money. He bought a lot of trip tickets and used his key to go into their house to put them on her coffee table. She never went on any of the trips. She moved, but he found her apartment and would leave love letters in her mailbox. He threatened her friends on Facebook, forbidding them from “stealing her” from him. Finally, she got her OWN restraining order and moved far away.
#2 Time-Troubled Workaholic
I noticed it when we had a kid. My husband has always been a workaholic. It didn’t cause too many problems when it was just us but was a lot harder to manage once we became parents. It’s easy to feel like you are doing all of the work and I started resenting my husband.
My husband and his ex-wife had two kids close in age. She was essentially a single parent to them throughout the day. He did cut back his hours slightly when our relationship started to suffer and even that was a lot. I understood why the divorce happened. I considered it at points during the relationship.
#3 A Doggone Stubborn Boyfriend
My husband had an engagement that ended before we met, and the reasons always seemed weird to me. It was something about her trying to get rid of their dog and getting into a huge fight with his mom when she made a snarky comment about the dog thing, and then getting her mom and sister to call and harass his mom about the fight. Big, ridiculous argument that ended with them deciding they weren’t going to work out. They’d been together for like 4 years.
Now I completely get it. Well, not the part with her mom and sister, but the rest of it. The dog was awful — he peed everywhere, was very dominant and aggressive (like biting/drawing blood at times), and old enough that he was very difficult to train since they hadn’t done anything about it when he was a puppy. The dog now lives with my mother-in-law because it’s not safe to have him in a home with babies. My mother-in-law is a nightmare, but my husband and his ex saw her multiple times a week whereas we see her once every couple of months.
At one point about a year in, we had a big argument where I told him we were heading down the same path as them if he didn’t get it together, and that if you have the same problems with two long-term relationships in a row you, need to consider that you’re part of the problem. I also said that I was out if he didn’t set serious boundaries with his mom and get some training for the dog. Fortunately, it was apparently a wake-up call, because that was 7 years ago and neither is an issue.
#4 Using His Ex As An Excuse
My ex of about 2-ish years was in the process of a divorce when we met. According to him, his wife was crazy and the reason for everything wrong in his life (this should have been my first clue to get out but, I was young). He had kids, so I would go to sporting events for them and his ex-wife would be there the vast majority of the time too. We started to get along and he HATED that. I didn’t get that. Wouldn’t it be easier for the kids if she and I had a good relationship? No, he was worried we would compare notes on HIM and it would ruin OUR relationship! We quite literally never talked about him. My eyes started to open here.
I was using his computer once and his Google Calendar opened, and there was an event on Valentine’s Day the next week. He had told me we were not doing anything due to money being tight (which of course was his ex’s fault). So I opened it and the event was “Day Ex-Girlfriend Broke My Heart.” Now this ex of his was prior to his 20-year relationship with his now ex-wife. So I figured out that he never let anything go. Apparently ever.
A couple months later, our relationship was starting to decline on its own (he went over to a friend’s house without me in the middle of a planned date night and I didn’t care that he left. I was mad he took the dog, though). We got in a fight and he told me I was starting to sound like his ex-wife. I responded, “If we are saying the same exact things and are such different people, don’t you think the issue is YOU?!” I realized at that exact moment that he was a narcissistic jerk who was never going to change or grow up. I moved out a week later. I still miss the dog.
#5 That’s Suspicious
I dated a divorcee for a hot second. She was actually a really wonderful lady, but she obviously had some lingering feelings about her ex. The first time this came up was one night while we were at a bar and I ended up in a fairly intense, fun conversation about music with the (male) bartender. She got weirdly upset about this and started dropping lines like “well, maybe you just want to go home with him,” and “it’s obvious you guys are into it.” A bit later when she found out my brother is gay, she got weirdly passive aggressive and started saying enough offensive things that I eventually broke up with her.
Turns out her ex-husband left her for a man.
#6 Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop
I dated a divorcee for quite some time. She never told me she was divorced, which really wouldn’t have bothered me. I ended up finding out about her past from one of the several people she was cheating on me with.
#7 The Definition Of Gaslighting
Many years ago, I found a charming man on the internet. He was divorced, but his ex was a complete nutcase. To keep the story somewhat brief, I visited him and going with my “I have to explore this” sense and against my gut, I moved to be with him.
He ended up being an emotionally abusive person. One of the tactics for emotional abuse is isolating the victim from friends and family. What better way to do that than to have someone move from somewhere else?
Anyway, my first inkling that there were two sides to the story was when we were at his best friend’s house. The friend’s wife mentioned that she saw my boyfriend’s ex-wife and implied that she seemed like she was “doing better.” She implied that she was surprised that his ex wasn’t a nutcase like he’d said.
I’ve been free from him for years. And now that I’m much better without him, I know exactly what happened to that ex.
#8 Teenage Son Sees Obvious Pattern
My parents are divorced, but both got remarried. My mom found it beneficial to attend a “divorce care” group at her church. She ended up going out with the guy who ran the group who seemed like a great dude. When I asked her about him, she told me he had been divorced himself 2 separate times which was a pretty huge red flag to me, but apparently not to her. Fast forward 12 years and he’s been unbelievably emotionally abusive to her. There was also a point when my brother and I were teenagers where we literally weren’t allowed to live with them anymore (because he felt threatened he wasn’t the man of the house). She says she’s still happy which is truly all I want for her, but it’s pretty frustrating when a 13-year-old can see the red flags my 40+-year-old mother couldn’t.
#9 We Read Him All Wrong
My story is a little different. My widowed mom started dating a guy in her Sunday school class who was recently divorced. Very quiet, but nice. Her friends in the class told her that he was never home, always hunting or at work, but that he was a nice man. Warning her, but not scaring her off.
He and mom got married. Still very quiet, but again, nice. Turns out he was just depressed. His wife of 25 years had been cheating on him with the same guy for at least half that time. He worked all the time or went on hunting trips with friends because he just didn’t want to be at home.
Mom told him that it was too bad he couldn’t retire so they could just enjoy their time together (he was 50, mom was 53). He said he could retire, and did so. They spent the next 20+ years having a great time, traveled extensively, just enjoying each other’s company. They had a great marriage before he passed away. He’s missed by all of us.
Sometimes the divorce is 100% the fault of one party. Just because you divorce doesn’t mean you were a failure.
#10 A Self-Proclaimed Victim Turned Wild Manipulator
I ended up meeting someone who was “perfect” and just thought I had hit the karma jackpot. She liked literally all the same things as me.
When I asked about her past, I’d hear stories of what sounded like abuse, but it was always implied (like “I was so scared, I thought he was going to hit me”). Then one night she went mental on me; she started getting mad about me wanting to visit my daughter who was in the hospital because she wanted to go on a date instead. She started throwing glass at me and it was like rain. I went to get away and she came after me and clawed the crap out of the back of my neck, then yanked me backward by my collar where I ended up on top of her. I pushed her away and just got out.
She called and started threatening me; since I had “hit her” (in falling on her), my options were to come back to the house or she would call the cops and report me for abuse. I hung up on her and called the cops instead.
By the time the cops showed up, she had bruises on her neck; she self-inflicted them to claim I had done it and just hadn’t called the cops yet. My hands showed no signs of aggressive force, plus the back of my neck earned her a trip to prison.
It was at that point I realized how duped I was. I KNEW she was the reason for her previous divorce.
#11 Sounds Like This One Was Everyone’s Fault
I knew why from early on. He has some of the outdated views on women that many people from his country have (and I’m sure they were much, much worse 20 years ago). More importantly, he’s a workaholic who has a bad habit of using work to hide from unpleasant conversations. He still does this, but I have a similar enough job that I know his work and know when he really does have a huge deadline tomorrow versus when he can tell his coworkers “no” and come home to help me out. His ex wanted a husband with a 9-5, which he will never be.
His mother is convinced that no one is good enough for her baby boy, and he doesn’t stand up to her. The only reason this isn’t a major problem for us is that she lives across the country.
Beyond that, his ex hit him regularly, convinced him that he would never be able to make a woman happy, and convinced him that he was a pervert for wanting to get intimate.
#12 Super Obvious Red Flag
Probably the part before she was divorced and came on to me and hooked up with me. Should be no surprise that we are now divorced as she also cheated on me. Yeah, I should have known better.
#13 Board Game Bully
He cheats at board games. No wonder she divorced him.
Who doesn’t drop on 7s playing Catan? Come on!
#14 At Least She Has A Good Mom Now
I was dating my husband when his ex came back and said she was 6 months pregnant. I stepped out of the picture entirely because I thought that if they had a chance to work it out, it would be best.
Fast forward a few years and he messages me on MySpace (I’m getting old). I asked him how his family was and turned out she cheated and left him alone with the baby.
We got back together and married shortly after the divorce was final (which took 5 years) and we had another baby on the way.
Now I have to mediate Skype sessions with my daughter and her bio mom. She is nuts. She got really offended that my daughter called me mom, and she stopped Skyping, sending cards, or any gifts. It was obvious that she didn’t want or was incapable of loving her own child. How could she have ever loved my husband?
#15 Brutally Unsupportive Mother-In-Law
My mother-in-law behaved sweetly before we were married, but didn’t bother keeping up the facade after. Her tactics are so intrusive that I’ve realized that my spouse’s previous marriage probably never had a chance. They married relatively young and I couldn’t imagine anyone that young dealing with a seasoned aggressor like her. Her interjections have been a huge stressor. Luckily, my spouse makes a conscious decision to support me instead of her (which has created a new set of problems because she tries to isolate me now when unleashing). If my spouse and I weren’t as compatible as we are, I’m not sure our relationship would have survived her.
#16 Financially Clueless
I dated a divorcee who described her ex-husband as emotionally abusive and controlling. Her example was that he gave her a monthly “allowance” and controlled all of the family’s finances while she didn’t even have direct access to the money she made because he made her direct deposit it into his account.
A few months down the road, I realized why things were that way. She was awful with money; completely irresponsible. Her cell phone was turned off multiple times because she forgot to pay the bill, she almost got evicted and had to beg for an extension on her rent to get it paid. She spent hundreds on non-refundable plane tickets for a vacation that she ended up canceling due to not being able to afford the rest of the trip, and so on.
She had no budget skills, and an “everything will work out” mentality. Sometimes “everything will work out” meant borrowing money from someone (including me, including her father, including her siblings). She wasn’t mean-spirited or greedy about it, she wasn’t intentionally using people, but she was subtly back-door using people by being so air-headed and irresponsible with money.
#17 The Definition Of Gaslighting
I dated a guy briefly after my divorce. He’d just gotten half-custody of his kids after not seeing them for almost two years. He said it was because his ex was psychotic. Apparently, she left him on his birthday and just disappeared for no reason. He went on about how outrageous the child support was that he was expected to pay, etc. He called her a dirty, yoga-loving hippie and said she was just totally out there crazy. Whatever, lots of guys say this kind of stuff, so I sort of just brushed past it thinking he was a little jilted.
He kept on trying to get me to come over and sleep there when he had his kids there; the kids he supposedly hadn’t seen in 2 years. I kept telling him it was inappropriate because I had never met his kids, and I thought they shouldn’t see some woman coming over who he never met. I said I wouldn’t do it to my kids, so I didn’t want to do it to his kids. He kept insisting they were “cool,” they would just be playing their new Xbox all night. They were 8 and 6.
He kept telling me he wanted to have more children one day and that I seemed like a great woman to have kids with. We had only been going on dates about 3 weeks.
Then, after I began to get suspicious, I did one Google search and found a whole blog written by his ex-wife. It went on and on about how abusive he was and how she was determined to keep their kids from it. She used yoga as a meditative release and talked about it in her blog. Her story just seemed so much more believable, and family members were commenting on it telling her how far she’d come after everything she had to endure. His story was always changing and he seemed to get visibly agitated when talking about it, but I was never the one to bring it up.
#18 Nerve-Twitching Dad Jokes
He never stops making puns. He’s just a perpetual dad joke machine. It’s not for everyone, but somehow I manage.
#19 An Open Relationship Fiasco
I married my high school sweetheart. She was divorcing her husband because he “wanted an open marriage” which she absolutely didn’t want. Occasionally during my marriage, she would bring up how her ex would call her a liar, and try to reinforce how honest and straightforward she is. After 7 years of marriage and suspecting at times she was cheating on me (which I convinced myself “absolutely not, if she wanted to sleep with other guys she would have stayed in an open marriage”), I finally found concrete proof she was cheating. She lied to me several times in order to take trips to see this guy. I talked to her ex-husband, found out she had slept with his brother, slept with her best friend’s husband, and had several other relationships going on while she was married to him. He brought up the open marriage thing because he didn’t care about her having sex with other people, he just didn’t want her to lie to him anymore. Yeah, at the end of everything I wasn’t mad about the cheating, either. It was definitely the lying. There wasn’t anything she wasn’t willing to cover up with a lie.
#20 Disasterously Ignorant Sweetheart
#21 A Facebook-obsessed Slob
When he explained to me that his brain was absolutely incapable of keeping his stuff clean or organized and that he had learned that from a Facebook quiz.
#22 An Xbox Live Affair
When I was certain she was having an affair, and then she claimed to be asexual, then moved across country to be with the man she was having an affair with, then moved back across country to be with another man I introduced her to via Xbox Live after the other guy left her, all while I was paying both of our bills. We were legally separated and just waiting for the divorce to be approved, but in the military’s eyes, I was still responsible for her. I started to realize there was a reason she was 22 (I was 25 at the time) and was on her third husband.
#23 Demeaning, Condescending Tyrant
When his behavior became incredibly unkind just a few months into my pregnancy. I asked him to handle cleaning up the bathroom because I was feeling incredibly ill and just the thought of cleaning supplies made it worse. He, in front of his teenage son, started mocking me and saying “wow, already playing the pregnancy card, huh? Remind me, how many more months of this do I have to look forward to?”, all the while laughing it up with his son. Things like this became typical. I reminded him about something I asked him to pick up at the store, and he’d say “why don’t you crawl out of my rear?” Again, having another hilarious bonding moment with his son. Yet another time, I asked him what sort of groceries he wanted me to get when I went shopping. He said, with a disgusting condescending tone, “protein, produce, milk… do you really need it spelled out for you?”
When we were nearing the end of our marriage (and me, the end of my rope), I tried reasoning with him and telling him how it would help me feel loved if he asked about things that he knew were going on during the day while he was at work (appointments, me taking the kids to the mall, etc.). He got in my face and said sternly, “it’s not my job to validate your low self-esteem.” That was the moment that it really clicked for me. There was a very real reason that I was his third wife, and despite the number of times he told me this, my “inability to take a joke” wasn’t the cause of our problems.
#24 How’s This For Stuck?
My mom divorced my dad about 10 years ago and remarried almost immediately an older man who was divorced 3 other times. My dad did some research into this guy’s past and he apparently faked his death while he was married to his first wife and emptied the bank accounts of his second and third wives as he left in the middle of the night. My dad tried to prevent my mom from marrying him (he accepted the divorce, but still wanted to make sure she wasn’t going into something bad).
The guy promised my mom trips around the world, going out to nice dinners and plays and all that jazz. Once things were official, that stuff never happened and he demanded my mom only ever eat salads.
She is now afraid of trying to divorce him because she thinks he’ll take everything from her, which seems true. Our entire family told her to stay away, but she didn’t listen.
#25 Ungrateful And Reckless Rebound
I’m a divorcee who dated a divorcee. He got inebriated on his birthday and told me “I see why your husband left you” right after I’d given him a $250 watch he’d been wanting.
I eventually left because I realized he was a rebound that had lasted waaaaay too long, and because he was going to eventually kill someone with his driving under the influence and I REALLY didn’t want it to be me.
#26 It’s Called Space
Not married, but I’m dating a divorcee. Most of the time he’s amazing but the jealousy and clinging are getting out of hand. Any time I do anything without him, it’s like I was with some other dude. If I’m reading Reddit or playing on my phone, I must be texting some other dude. He shows up when I’m out on a girl’s night even if he hates the restaurant. I actually just skipped my work Christmas party because we couldn’t afford for both of us to go, and I didn’t want to deal with the argument if I went without him. It’s getting worse and I don’t know what to do about it.
#27 Should Have Listened To Her
Woo, okay. Storytime. So my mom just got divorced from my dad my senior year of high school. She has always been the kind of person to be in a relationship, so she started immediately dating around (since my dad cheated on my mom multiple times). She met this guy on an online dating, who we’re going to call Tom. Tom was a successful marketing guy with no kids, a steady income, and was divorced because “his wife cheated on him”. Early in the relationship, my mom gets a message from Tom’s ex-girlfriend’s current boyfriend. She says that she needs to tell her some things about Tom, but my mom ignores her.
A year goes by and Tom seems normal. She moves in with him and so do we since he has two spare bedrooms. He’s a cool guy who seems chill and really nice. He’ll sometimes go through my mom’s phone (she told me), but she thought that all the good things outweighed the bad.
Cut to Election Day, where things aren’t going so well for my mom and Tom because their party won. Tom got a little too excited throws a remote at the window after an evening of celebrating at his local pub. He calls the police on himself. My mom forgives him.
This is where things start to get weird. Tom starts acting crazier towards my mom, mostly via text message. On Christmas Day, she decides that we don’t want to go to his sister’s house because she had too much to drink. We open the trunk to his car to get the presents out and he drives away, with stuff flying out the back. He apologizes. My mom is suuuper weary at this point.
Cut to New Years where Tom is out of town. She texts him that she wants to break up with him because he’s saying that it’s her children’s fault that the house is falling apart. He says, “get your darn kids out of my house.” So, the next day, we have eight people come over to move the furniture that’s my mom’s while he threatens us over the phone. That was in January.
Over the next few months, and still to this day, he sends crazy threatening messages to my mom. He also found out where we live so he could “take the shared BMW that they owned jointly and sell it,” even though my mom has been begging him to take it.
She finally gets in contact with the lady’s boyfriend at the beginning of the story. They share stories and she apologized for not listening sooner.
#28 Dead Beat
I recently dated a girl that had just come off a marriage with a man. She wanted to try seeing a woman, so we went out a couple times and started dating. When we were alone, she was very aggressive, but one time she straight up started hitting me over and over again. I told her to stop but she thought I was kidding. I eventually broke her off of me and locked myself in the bathroom, calling the cops and waited until they arrived. Apparently, she had a criminal record and her husband had divorced her for hitting him when he would come home from work and just always trying to beat him up in his sleep. Pretty wacky.
#29 He’s My Crummy Husband
I knew why from early on. He has some of the outdated views on women that many people still have. And more importantly, he’s a workaholic who has a bad habit of using work to hide from unpleasant conversations. He still does this, but I have a similar enough job that I know his work and know when he really does have a huge deadline tomorrow vs. when he can tell his coworkers “no,” and come home to help me out. The guy couldn’t be more selfish, but unfortunately, he’s my husband and I’m stuck with him.
My wife and I are both divorcees and were pretty acutely aware of each other’s flaws beforehand. She actually lived with me and my ex for a while when I was still with the ex. She hadn’t been divorced that long at the time. We just rest safely in the knowledge that our flaws fit each other better than they did with our exes.
#31 Time And Patience
Pretty soon. It was clear that his first wife was just a bad fit, and he wasn’t really into her enough. She was his first real, real girlfriend and she did all the relationship management. She was wild about him and she was the one who said when they were boyfriend/girlfriend, when it was time to move in together, when it was time to get married, etc. I think he just thought this is how relationships worked – women were always more into it than men, women make the decisions and you go along with it. I think he also loved how crazy about him she was, even if it wasn’t totally mutual. But she was also very demanding, which is not something that works well for him.
He was not too different with me than with her, to be honest, and I did find it frustrating. Even as full-grown adults, it took him maybe a year before he would refer to me as his girlfriend, and we dated for eight years before we decided to get married (which is a long time when you’re in your 30s). Many times, I had to think: can I just be patient and wait because he’s worth it or should I bail and find someone who is more focused on what he really wants and can go for it? The choice I made is obvious, but it wasn’t easy always waiting and doing things on his timeline. But I know that you can’t rush people or make these kinds of decisions for them.
We actually did break up after dating for about 9 months because he was so slow about these things, he always seemed ambivalent. This was pretty soon after his divorce, maybe too soon I now realize. He even said a number of times that he wanted to be able to make the type of committed promises I asked, but just felt unable, so I moved on — or so I thought.
We broke up for a year, and I dated other people, but my ardor for him only increased rather than reduced. Still, I am not sure if we would have gotten back together if our paths hadn’t crossed twice by luck. The first time we had hooked up, but I thought of it as a “for old times’ sake” sort of thing. But then we bumped into each other again and it was just fireworks. Still, I thought I would leave that as another lost weekend. But a few weeks later I called him and asked him out deliberately. We spent every weekend together for months before we decided to talk about what was really happening. Over the year we had been apart, he had recovered a lot and was way more ready to be in a committed relationship (though it was still slow-going). As for me, I had also sort of cooled my jets on that one, I missed him, and I realized I’d rather have him slowly than not at all.
#32 Restart Button
Hooo boy. Hmm. Where to start. When I initially asked him why they divorced, his response was that she turned into a bitter person, gained 120lbs, and was taking money without talking about it first. They weren’t very well off at first, and she ended up ghosting him after draining their joint account.
We have both joint and separate accounts, five years into a relationship and four years after moving in together. We have a kid together. When I withdraw money from the joint account, he forgets about it, then has a “sticker shock” reaction upon checking the account balance. It’s definitely draining but keeping post-it notes on our closet mirror helps to remind him, so he doesn’t flip out about it.
He had horrible eating habits before we met, and his mother said he was always that way. We both have high metabolisms, but when we’re tired and its dinner time, my idea of a quick meal is tuna salad and fruit, while his is a double quarter pounder. I can see how she got lazy about her eating habits, he gets very burnt out at his job, and often gives up after work on cooking healthy. He’s a lot better about it now since we have kids and that won’t fly anymore.
He’s also pretty cynical, but so am I. She didn’t know how to take a joke, was constantly overanalyzing everything he said and taking everything personally, even if it wasn’t meant to be. I can understand that too if you’re not used to and like that type of personality. We all have our quirks, and I love him more every single day. Sometimes personalities just don’t match, and that’s okay. Stealing someone’s life savings and indirectly forcing them to file bankruptcy after losing a house to foreclosure by lying about making house payments though?
That hurt him. Everything else I can forgive you for. I can even thank you for leaving him but I hate you for making him start over.
#33 Restart Button
I dated a divorcee from 20-25. She was 27 when we met. And I regret not marrying her. She had a kid and I wasn’t prepared to start that life at that time. I wish I had been more mature and stepped up.
She was actually the perfect woman. She cooked decently, whereas I cannot, she was good with money, had her own friends, and we were compatible. And dating for 5 years she never even once exhibited any toxic traits when in any kind of argument. If anything, her geography just didn’t work out because I got a job in NY And she was on the west coast.
Now 12 years later I wish I had stayed with her on the west coast, instead of moving away and breaking up.
She is now remarried, seems like her new guy is a good dude.
#34 The Stigma
I’m going through a divorce. I thought I had the perfect marriage and really did try to be a loving, fun and supportive wife, then one day he tells me he’s been cheating for years with many, many women. He then left me for the latest girl he’s been cheating on me with. It scares me to get out in the dating world again because of the stigma of divorcees. He couldn’t tell me anything I did wrong, yet I fear guys in the future will think I was the cause of this divorce and that will scare some people away. It’s still all new for me but its something I worry about.
I was in a relationship for three years with a divorcee. Anytime he brought up wanting to get engaged I had nightmares about aliens abducting me on my wedding day. Needless to say, I knew deep down we weren’t right together. He was controlling and unbending in his ways. He also got tanked and phoned my dad to complain about me working too hard and not being at home with him. He told my dad to go get me because I wouldn’t listen to him… right.
#36 Spotty Leopard
Just dated a divorcé. Told me got divorced because he cheated. We broke up because he cheated after a month. Leopard can’t change his spots.
#37 The Long Saga
My ex-husband was married to two different women before me. Everything seemed pretty good for the first 4 years together. We had 2 children together. I decided to just go all in and get married, which was something I never thought I’d actually do.
About 5 months into the marriage I needed to use his computer for something since mine was messing up, and found open Facebook messages where he was telling my cousin he was madly in love with her and was going to drop me and the kids and move in with her.
I broke his computer I was so mad. I hopped on my mother’s computer at her place and printed his messages (his password was pretty easy to crack, I’d just never had a reason to use it before) and confronted him about it. He told me I seemed unhappy so he was fixing the problem. Because he wouldn’t let me take antidepressants, since depression was a ‘fake made up disease’ I seemed unhappy.
I asked his exes if he had done anything like this before and they were just as clueless as I was, they said other than being unemployed and kind of a jerk emotionally, the cheating thing was totally new.
He came back a month later and told me we could make it work (cousin threw him out because he refused to work) and I stupidly let him come back because of my children. I got a new job and tried to support us, but he started going through my stuff every day telling me I was clearly cheating on him because I worked long hours. Came home to all my stuff on the front lawn and him telling me to get out, he was keeping the kids since I was homeless now and I could go stay with my (nonexistant) lover.
I ended up living in my car for a few weeks until a coworker and I got an apartment together. Here I am 5 years later with an awesome job, a great boyfriend, and my children living with me again. My ex husband is homeless, and finally relented and signed the divorce papers earlier this year so that’s done. He tells everyone I know I left because I was with multiple other people and abandoned my kids, but some of his friends ran into me at work recently and said they figured it was all made up since they knew he had cheated on me and I’d never leave my kids willingly.
It was a rough ride. But eh. We made it out.
#38 A Happy Ending
I met my current wife when she was in the process of divorcing. We both involved in a local organization and saw each other a lot. I knew she was married, so I didn’t ask her it or anything, but eventually she let out that she was moving into her own place…which got me thinking about a good way to ask her out. I figured if she was in the process of divorcing it was cool. She finalized the paperwork while we were dating and I took her out to celebrate.
We got married ourselves a couple of years later, and I’d say it’s been going pretty well so far! Yay.
I think some people are not capable of loving themselves. They jump from one relationship to another to fill some sort of void. When the passion runs out and the hard work begins for a true relationship they look for more passion because that’s the easy part. Whatever or whomever comes along and is convenient. Why work on yourself to be better when you can sucker in someone else and get a piece of that same satisfaction hearing it told to you.
This can apply to dating or marriages. You are always left wondering what was real. What was said in the heat of the moment because it sounded nice.
But we all have our flaws. Divorced or never married. True relationships work when you love someone despite or because of their flaws. The ones you see and the ones you don’t see.
#40 Don’t Say This, Don’t Say That
She was an amazing person but overly sensitive… I always felt like I need to watch out every word that I say just not to insult her or make her feel bad.
Too bad though, I actually wanted to carry on with our marriage but I realized that I do not want to spend my life next to someone with who I will always have to censor myself.
#41 Truth Alert – Move On And Prosper
My ex-wife and I are still friends. We don’t live together like this, but I go over to her house to helps with things periodically, she invited me over for Thanksgiving when her family was in town. We don’t “hang out” but things are good. She’s engaged and I’m dating someone.
People think it’s weird, but it’s so much better than the alternative. Just let all the bad memories go and make it work for the kid(s). I can’t grasp the need to hate someone just because you’re not married to them anymore. We’ve got this cultural thing we see on TV and read about in stories where we’re expected to hate our exes (like bumper stickers that say “I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is getting better”). And that’s total nonsense.
This is how it should be, though. Like, you weren’t happy in a relationship with this person, so be happy that you’re not in that relationship anymore. Just let things be okay. It doesn’t have to be a whole thing.
#42 Ride Or Die
A friend married a girl who was divorced. She was cute and well off. So what’s the catch, right? Why would anyone leave her? She’s very self dependant. She doesn’t need anyone or any help. She’s set in her ways. The color she painted her house, her design style, etc. She’s earned her money and wants to spend it her way. My friend is super laid back, go with the flow, doesn’t care, etc. They are great. She calls the shots, and he’s along for the ride.