Regretful People Share The Most Embarrassing Thing They Did As A Kid That Still Haunts Them
Being a kid has its perks. When you’re young, you have an unruly amount of energy, you’re not bound by the shackles of bills and you never need to prepare a single meal (with the exception of that cereal you really like to eat with your favorite cartoon). The list of benefits can go on and on.
We all did things as children that were not necessarily good things to do, but we still got away with them because we were kids. We didn’t know any better, so luckily we got to shrug it off. However, not all of our misdeeds are so easily forgotten. Here are some of the most embarrassing childhood moments people have shared online:
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#35 Respect My Shooters
There was this one guy in geometry that was constantly making fun of me. One day, I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I pulled out my phone and acted like I was talking to snipers who were trained to follow people who had been mean to me.
I still cringe whenever I think about it.
#34 Kid Psychic
When I was about 11 or 12, if I had a crush on someone, I would find their parents’ names in the phone book, look up their phone number and find their home address. Then, in an attempt to impress my crush, I would REPEAT BACK TO THEM THEIR PARENTS’ NAMES, PHONE NUMBER, AND HOME ADDRESS.
I was literally a serial stalker and for some reason no one ever reported me.
#33 Spin The Bottle… Of Rejection
I’m 39 and I still think about my first almost kiss. I was 12 years old at the time and it was so embarrassing. We were at camp everyone was playing spin the bottle. I was a really naive little girl and didn’t quite understand what I was getting myself into. The bottle landed on me and I stood up to kiss the older (and far more experienced) boy in front of me. I essentially unhinged my jaw and opened up my mouth really wide to kiss him. He stepped back, took one look and me and said, “No.”
#32 Scared Wet
When I was seven or eight years old I was staying over at a friend’s house for a sleepover. I had to go to the bathroom late at night but it was down a super creepy dark corridor and I was too spooked. My friend suggested that I pee in one of his baby brother’s diapers instead, and being the desperate kid that I was, I did it. His mom came in to find me holding a soaked diaper, and my friend just stood there laughing at me hysterically. I want to die every time this memory comes back to me, which is at least twice a week.
#31 Yeah, Baby
When I was like seven or eight years old, a friend of my parents had a baby. At the time, they already had a four-year-old daughter. My dad and I were watching as the other dad showed his four-year-old old how to change a nappy. For some reason I can’t explain, while the four-year-old girl was wiping her baby sister, I just blurted out, “Does that make you horny baby? Yeah!”
In my defense, I had just watched Austin Powers. My dad was mortified. In hindsight, so am I.
#30 One Trashy Crush
I liked this boy in my art class and found out through some mutual friends that he lived a few blocks away from me. Instead of just talking to him at school like a sane person would, I decided I’d get his attention by sneaking out of my house at 4 a.m. with a big bag of garbage.
I walked all the way to his house, threw the garbage all over his lawn, rang his doorbell and immediately ran back home. The next day at school I asked him if anything weird happened at his house the night before, and when he said yeah I revealed that I was the one who “pranked” him. All he said was, “Oh okay.”
He didn’t talk to me for a few months after that. What was I thinking?
#29 Sure… Blame The Dog
I was invited to a sleepover in middle school, and I was so excited because I really wanted to be friends with these girls. I had even gotten new pajamas just for the occasion.
During the sleepover, I woke up in the middle of the night to find I had wet myself. I had to sneak into her sister’s room where we put our bags to find a change of pants. All I had were jeans. When everyone woke up I told them I got cold… My mom told me I smelled when I got in the car to go home. I told her their beagle smelled bad and slept with me all night.
#28 It’s All Love, Dad
My mom and dad had a lot of pet names for each other: honey, pumpkin, lovey, etc. I loved to play dress up and pretend to be my mom, imitating the things she said. One night, when they thought I was sleeping, I overheard my parents arguing and she called him a “rat bastard.” Having never heard this, I thought it was a made up love word like “pookie.”
My dad comes to pick me up from daycare maybe a week later and I’m playing house with the other kids. He comes in and, still playing as a mom, I scream for all my classmates and their parents to hear: “How was your day, rat bastard?”
#27 A Few Miles Short Of Detention
When I was in high school, I asked a teacher if she was a member of the Mile High Club in front of the class.
I had never flown before and was not aware that the Mile High Club referred to people who got intimate on a plane. All this time, I thought the Mile High Club was an exclusive section where you sit in private rooms and get free things. I basically wanted to kill myself afterward. Yes, she was attractive, and no, she did not answer.
#26 Good Intentions, Poor Delivery
Growing up, my parents really wanted to make sure I wouldn’t smoke. Most of my grandparents passed from smoking-related illnesses, so it made sense. Except they drilled it in my head a little too hard.
One day in kindergarten, a classmate was absent. The next day, she was at school and was super sad. We asked her what happened, and she said that her grandma died of lung cancer.
I told her it served her right.
The teacher was not pleased.
I apologized the next day, but damn if that hasn’t stuck with me since.
#25 A Case of Mom-staken Identity
When I was in kindergarten, I waited outside to be picked up by my mom. When I saw her approaching, I closed my eyes, ran at her and hugged her. I opened my eyes and apparently I had not aimed correctly as I was hugging the wrong woman. One of my classmates yelled at me to “stop hugging their mom.”
I still think about it.
#24 Unsung Martyr For “It Sounded Funny At The Time”
#23 The Catapult
When I was around five or so, I used to go to the side of my house with a shovel to go “number two.” Now, you might be thinking I dug a hole to do it. I wish. Instead, I would actually do the dirty into the shovel and then fling it over the gate, onto the street. I remember eventually getting caught and having a very awkward talk with my parents.
#22 A Carpet Of Boogers
In elementary school, I used to pick my nose, drop my pencil “by accident,” then wipe my boogers onto the carpet when my hand was already down there to pick up my pencil. There were two problems with my “foolproof” plan:
I wasn’t discreet AT ALL with the actual nasal excavation.
I did this like every five minutes.
#21 Twitter vs. Self-Esteem
One time, I went to a girls house to ask her out, but her mom said she was sick. She later tweeted, “A guy came to my house to ask me out and my mom had to cover for me.” Still hurts to think about.
#20 “And THAT’S Why I Don’t Do Slushies Anymore”
My mom took me and my brother to the circus when we were kids. During the show, we got slushie drinks that were pretty frozen. Trying to break up a big piece of ice, I jammed the straw to the bottom of the styrofoam cup and ended up putting a hole in the bottom. The entire drink left the cup and my pants were soaked in cherry slush.
This all happened while the tightrope walker was doing his thing and everybody was being extremely quiet. Here I was, screaming at the top of my lungs with my pants red, and a spotlight shines on me. A lot of people gasped thinking something really bad was happening. They stopped the show for a few minutes. The only thing redder than my shirt was my mom’s face. I still think about that from time to time.
I was sleeping over at a friend’s house and got my period early. I woke up and there was a bit of blood on the sheets, so when my friend went to take a shower I pulled off the fitted sheet, turned it around and put it back on so that the spot was on her side (we slept in same bed together).
I don’t know why I didn’t just tell her the truth and clean it off.
#18 All Black Everything
My signature look as a teen consisted of the following: black chunky boots, black pants, a black tank top, a black hoodie, those arm things from Hot Topic (black, of course), a wallet chain, a fedora, and a face design that I drew myself with black eyeliner going from the corner of my left eye to the middle of my cheek.
I dressed like a total weirdo.
#17 The Windmill Was Ineffective
In first grade, I was a pretty normal kid who liked to play video games, like Super Smash Bros. But there was this one kid who always bullied me in class.
One day he said something to tease me in front of everyone, and that pushed me beyond my breaking point. I don’t remember what came over me, but I decided I would try to punch him. I got out of my seat in front of the entire class, walked over to him and started swinging my arm in a wind up like DONKEY KONG IN SUPER SMASH BROS. I was going to punch him, but then he said, “You punch like a girl.” The whole class laughed, including the teacher, and I just walked back to my seat without ever swinging the punch.
Decades later, it still kills me to think about.
#16 When Buffalos Fly
My fifth-grade teacher randomly asked if anyone in the class had eaten buffalo meat before. I tactlessly said that I had buffalo wings the other night. I felt so dumb when everyone started laughing.
#15 Maid In Indonesia
When I was young, I lived in Indonesia where people in the middle class and above typically had maids, so I grew up assuming everyone had maids.
When I moved to a new school in Singapore, I thought a great rallying cry to unite people against the bad cafeteria food was, “Even my maids eat better than this!”
Not my best moment.
#14 The Ultimate Trifecta Of Public Anxiety
#13 Leftovers, Anyone?
I was on the bus to school and out of nowhere I started not feeling so good. The guy sitting next to me told me I looked really pale.
Next thing I knew, I was throwing up all over the seat in front of me. There was oatmeal everywhere. When I was done puking my brains out, I looked over at the kid next to me and delivered a legendary one-liner:
“Well, that’s what I had for breakfast!”
He moved to another seat.
#12 This Kid’s Level Of Support For Family Is Something Else
I overheard my older cousin say that she was going to be in an adult movie one day. I had no idea what that meant at the time (I was only nine years old). One day, we went to the mall with her parents and a kiosk was selling license plate holders. One said, “Open for Business.” I very loudly said, “Look, Angie, for you!” The look on her parents’ faces…
#11 Ho-Ho-H’Oh No…
One Christmas when I was about five or six years old, I was in line at the mall to sit on Santa’s lap. I wanted to give him money to go towards feeding the reindeer, and since I was just a kid, that money I had with me was basically a handful of pennies and nickels. Altogether, the coins probably totaled up to 50 cents in change.
When it was my turn, I came up and I sat on Santa’s lap. I tried to hand him the money but it fell out of my hand and right down onto Santa’s crotch. I dove right in there trying to pick up the money with my little boy hands and Santa hastily said: “Oh, ho, ho, it’s okay. I’ll get it later.” He put me on the ground to send me on my way.
Yeah. I touched Santa Claus inappropriately. It still haunts me to this day.
#10 A Nose Like A Button
I stuck a button up my nose when I was six years old and I didn’t tell my mom about it at all. Later that night, I ended up in the ER to get it removed because it got lodged pretty far up there. I did a bunch of dumb stuff as a kid but this is the one memory I hate the most.
#9 Was That A Frog?
My mother was very… “proper” when I was growing up. As a result, I had no idea girls farted until the eighth grade (to be fair, it wasn’t something I even thought about).
When a girl I liked let one rip next to me, I was so shocked and confused that I apologized for her.
#8 Everyday I’m Stranglin’
I danced to “Party Rock Anthem” in a green jumpsuit for my school’s talent show in like, the third grade.
I’m not too violent of a person but I will straight up punch someone if they bring it up.
#7 A Bat Left In The Cave
#6 The Loud Stuff
I was in a small restaurant with my dad and brother and when I went to the bathroom, I decided to belt out the chorus to Weird Al’s “The White Stuff” in full volume thinking the bathroom would contain my vocals. I walked out realizing the restaurant was quiet and when I sat down my dad asks me, “What the hell was that?” When he saw the confusion on my face, he proceeded to explain to me that the ENTIRE restaurant heard me.
#5 Lilypad Fail
When I was seven, me and my family were visiting Edinburgh and we decided to go to the botanical gardens. While we were there, I was drawn to these giant Lilly pads. I remember watching frogs jump on smaller sized lilypads and thought it would be an excellent idea to try and hop onto one to see if it would hold my weight. Safe to say it did not, and it was a long, wet walk back to the car after an embarrassing explanation to the managers of the gardens as to why one of their giant lilypads had a child-shaped hole in it.
#4 All Activities Welcome
I was given the task to guide parents around my school and encourage them to choose us for their kids’ middle school. When we got to the library, I attempted to sound sophisticated and said, “The library is a good place for recreational activities too.” A few parents (mainly fathers) in the group laughed.
As I was trying to get to sleep that night, I thought back on it, not understanding why they began laughing. I then realized something horrid.
I said “PROcreational,” not “REcreational.”
Still haunts me six years later.
#3 Not Laughing With You
In the center of a mall, there was a female mannequin wearing a skirt. I lifted the skirt and started shouting at my mom that she wasn’t wearing any undergarments. A crowd was there and they all burst into laughter.
#2 The Insult Heard Across The Dinner Table
I was like, five years old when I heard my dad call my mom “sexy.” Obviously, I had no idea what that was, but it sounded like a damn good insult in my five-year-old brain. So a few days later I’m getting teased at the dinner table by my mom and I’m like, “Oh yeah?! Well, you’re sexy!” Everyone goes silent and people start looking at me awkwardly.
#1 Kids Really Do Say The Darndest Things
When I was seven, my stepdad and mom took my brother and me to get our ‘90s classic bowl cuts. Being the astute observer of human interaction that I was, I noticed that all the other guys were talking to their barber. I figured that I should also strike up a conversation with mine.
My topic of choice, out of left field, was this: “Do your parents keep you up at night because they FART SO LOUD IN THEIR BEDROOM? Mom and Steve are always ripping juicy ones!” After a few minutes, I realized what I just did, and was left in disbelief that I just put my parents on blast like that. All the grown men in the barbershop started laughing.