People Share The Single Most Stupid Thing They Believed Growing Up
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Kids are imaginative… and gullible. Growing up, they tend to think up a lot of pretty outrageous and nonsensical things. It’s only once they’re older that they realize how embarrassing their obliviousness to reality really was.
But that’s just the way a kid’s mind works. When we’re young, we believe everything we’re told because we just don’t know any better. We end up fabricating stories to explain what we don’t quite understand, and that’s totally okay.
Speaking from personal experience, I used to believe buffalo wings came from a buffalo. Such a belief is tame compared to the ones below, which internet users shared online. Prepare for some pretty great laughs:
#45 Sleeping Japanese Style
When I was about four years old, my older sister told me that since the population of Japan was so high, Japanese people slept sideways on their beds so they could fit more people.
When I was 13, I went to a sleepover and suggested we all sleep “Japanese style” on the bed so that everyone could fit. So embarrassing.
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#44 Emergencies Everywhere
Whenever I saw a store with a “Help Wanted” sign in the window, I thought they were asking for help because of an emergency going on inside the store.
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#43 The End Is The End, My Friends
I remember watching the series finale of Friends when I was 10 years old. My parents kept saying it was the last episode ever.
After it was over, I went to bed and cried. I thought that once a TV show was over, it would never be shown on TV ever again. I thought that I had just witnessed a part of history that would never be seen again in the future. My mom had to come into my bedroom to console me.
She eventually told me that Friends would air again in re-runs.
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#42 My Dad Is A Pirate
My dad owned a lot of gold jewelry. When I asked him where he got all of it, he replied, “I’m a pirate.” After intense questioning from me, and more nonsense from my dad saying that my uncle was his first mate and that he retired the pirate life when he married my mom, I was sold.
I went to school the next day and bragged to everyone that my dad was a real pirate. My teacher questioned me about it, and I became extremely defensive. I told her, “You have no idea what you are talking about.”My mom got a call from my teacher that night, saying she was deeply concerned about my “overactive” imagination and that they should look into therapy for me. My mom, sensing that my father was somehow involved in this, brought both of us into the room and explained the situation.
To this day, I’ve never seen my father laugh as hard as he did that day.
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#41 The Car’s In Charge
I grew up in Colombia and my family was very poor. When I was seven years old, one of my uncles bought a car and gave every single family member a ride around the block. When I finally got to see the inside of the car, I thought I was in a spaceship.
I remember noticing the blinker arrows by the odometer. I could see them come on and off randomly. I didn’t realize that my uncle was the one controlling them. I later learned that the car was not instructing my uncle where he should turn.
#40 Meatballs Grow On Trees
My mother convinced me that meatballs grew on trees when I was six years old. My aunt had a tree that grew this brown, textured fruit that looked liked meatballs from a distance. This tree was protected by a giant wasp nest. My mother and aunt got tipsy one night and convinced me that the wasps protected the meatballs and that they were harvested like honey. They said you had to put the wasps to sleep first, then quickly gather them.
I fell for it hook line and sinker and about a month later, I threw a tantrum at my teacher because she wouldn’t believe me. I got sent to the principal and was even held in an emergency parent-teacher meeting over this.
My mom lost it laughing in the meeting and had to explain the situation.
#39 The Insane Power Of One Refrigerator
When I was young, my parents told me that if I kept leaving the refrigerator door open, I would freeze the whole world and no one would like me.
#38 What Actors’ Lives Are Really Like
I used to believe that all TV commercials were live and that the actors had to come back and do the commercials over and over again during every break.
#37 The Black Market Is Literally Real
I thought the black market was an actual place. I could never understand how the cops couldn’t find it.
#36 There Are Foreign Children On The Other Side Of Pac-Man
My sister and I believed that the ghosts in Pac-Man were played by kids in other countries who played the “opposite” video game.
#35 Girls Pee Out Of Their Butts, Apparently
When I was seven years old, I accidentally went into the girl’s bathroom and heard a girl peeing. I didn’t see anything because she was behind a stall door, but I immediately noticed that the sound of her pee hitting the toilet water was different.
At the time, I had heard that boys and girls were different down there, but I didn’t know how they were different. I instinctively came up with a hypothesis that seemed reasonable at the time: Girls do both #1 and #2 out of their butts.
#34 It’s Called Makeup Art
My wife thought that Sloth from The Goonies was a real person with a facial deformity that they cast for the role. She only learned last year that it was make-up. She’s 38.
33 He Was Too Smart To Walk
I thought that Stephen Hawking was in a wheelchair because he was too intelligent. Like, his brain was damaged from being so smart.
#32 Woman Are Storing Extra Fetuses All Around The Body
I used to think that when a woman was pregnant with anything more than twins, the babies weren’t all in her stomach area. I convinced myself that there was no way they could all fit in there.
When a news story about a woman who had sextuplets came out, and I thought the set-up was as follows: two in the stomach area, one in each calf, and one in the underside of each arm.
#31 The Legal Age For Caffeine Is 13
I used to think that there was a legal age for caffeine. When I was in high school, I saw a small kid buy a coffee from McDonald’s and told him that it was illegal. My friends still make fun of me for it.
#30 Parking Punishments
I grew up near the mountains. On major mountain roads, there are pull-outs with signs that read “30 Minute Chain Up.” Sometime in middle school, I learned that those signs meant you could stop for 30 minutes to put snow chains on your car, not that you would be chained up for 30 minutes as punishment for parking there.
#29 What Really Happens To People Born On February 29th
I thought that little people (like Peter Dinklage) were so small because they were born on February 29th. I figured that since their birthday only came round once every four years, they would only grow to quarter size.
#28 The Philadelphia Eagles’ Have A Side Project
I thought that the rock group The Eagles was actually a side project of the Philadelphia Eagles.
When you’re seven years old and hear, “This is the latest from The Eagles” being announced on the radio, what are you supposed to think?
#27 Being President Comes With Certain Death
I thought that if you chose to be President of the U.S., you agreed to be eventually assassinated.
It made me wonder why anyone would even choose that career to begin with.
#26 The Power Of The Pen Is Mighty
I was fortunate enough to have a computer when I was growing up back in the early ’90s. We had a few games on floppy disc that I played all the time, but I always wanted more and couldn’t convince my parents to buy them for me.One day, my ridiculous self thought, “If I just scribble out the name of the game on the disc, that should do the trick!”
I told my dad about my idea and he just shook his head. He was probably ashamed of the fool he was raising. I wasn’t discouraged though. I grabbed a pen and scribbled “Ghost Busters” on a copy of some flight simulator game, popped it in and fired it up.
I was disappointed.
#25 Weekends Are Only For Good Kids
When I was around six years old, my uncle told me that kids who misbehaved would not get weekends. Instead, the week would restart and the weekend would be skipped over.
My parents found out that my uncle told me this, and they decided to go along with it.I only found out the truth when one day, I accidentally dropped food all over my dad’s car when he was picking us up from school. I felt so bad, trying to clean up the mess, but my mom saw and told my dad. When we got home, he told me that, unfortunately, I lost my weekend.
Thinking it was Monday, I woke up early, got dressed and walked to school. I arrived at a completely empty building and was as confused as ever. My parents ended up searching for me, calling relatives, and luckily finding me outside the school gate.
I don’t remember ever seeing my mom so mad before.
#24 How Swallowing Food Actually Works
I always heard people say “it went down the wrong hole” when they choked on something, so I automatically assumed that humans had separate “holes” for food and drink. I thought that whenever we swallowed, our bodies just automatically sorted it out.When I was 12 years old, I swallowed a french fry and it went down awkwardly. I told my mom that it must of went down my drink hole and she became super confused. She later explained to me how swallowing actually worked.
#23 There’s Only One Way To Ride A Motorcycle
When I was a pre-schooler, my mom told me that you weren’t allowed to ride a motorcycle or get tattoos unless your mother was dead.One day, outside the grocery store, I saw a big, tough-looking dude covered in tattoos, straddling the loudest motorcycle ever. Five-year-old me went up to him and asked, “Hey. Is your mom dead?”
The guy looked at me and said, “Yeah.”
I was shocked that my mom was right.
#22 Mass Produced Magic Carpets
When I was eight years old, I read this article in The Enquirer about flying carpets. I totally thought they were going to be released for mass production. Oh, how I wanted to be rich enough to buy one.
#21 What Year Was Color Invented?
I thought colors were, at one point, discovered or invented and that before then, we lived in a black and white world. I learned the truth in class one day after raising my hand and asking the teacher if she knew when color was invented. Everybody laughed at me.
#20 Joke’s On You, Coach
We got off topic in math class one day after someone cracked their knuckles. Someone asked the teacher what made that sound, and people started coming up with all kinds of theories. I had actually read about knuckle cracking before and explained to the class that the noise was actually a release of tiny little air bubbles in the joints. My teacher looked at me with a look of utter contempt on his face and said, “Air? What are you, stupid? It’s the bones hitting together.”
I never spoke up about anything in his class ever again. I also printed an article about it at the end of the year and left it on his desk with “WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?” written across it in red Sharpie.
Take that, Coach C.
#19 The Best Driving Advice Is Always From Children
I believed that if you stopped at a “Stop Ahead” sign, you wouldn’t have to stop at the stop sign, because you stopped ahead of time.
It was eternally frustrating watching my parents not take this incredibly obvious shortcut.
#18 The Worldwide Gender Conspiracy
My father convinced me that jackrabbits were a secret that the women of the world weren’t in on. This made for an awkward moment in the 5th grade at an Applebee’s.I was with my mom and we started talking about an animal mounted on the wall. I couldn’t stop smiling. Then, she proceeded to bust the myth and destroy my dreams of a worldwide gender conspiracy.
#17 Where Babies Really Come From
My dad used to tell us this very elaborate story of how we were born. He told us he had to cut off a piece of his flesh to implant into our mom’s stomach and how excruciatingly painful it was for him. He also told us that we should, therefore, be grateful for his sacrifice. He did this in front of our mother, a woman who gave natural birth to four children without epidurals. I’m still amazed that she stood by and let him take the credit without saying a thing.
#16 The Long History Of Rice
I was a really picky eater as a child. My parents, in an attempt to get me to eat more, told me that the rice in my bowl took a year to grow, so I should be more appreciative of my food.I misunderstood what they had told me and thought that only one single grain of rice could be grown every year. For the longest time, I thought my bowl was filled with hundreds of years of rice.
#15 There Is A Name For Someone Who Is Really Into Necks
I thought a necromancer was someone who was just very into necks.Neck-romancer.
#14 You Choose Your Own Diseases
I thought people chose whatever diseases they were diagnosed with. It made no sense to me to go to the doctor just to get diagnosed with cancer.
#13 When The Clock Strikes 12:17
My older sister once told me that a new day didn’t start until 12:17 a.m. instead of 12:00 a.m.
#12 Healing A Broken Heart With Stories
My birth parents split when I was four years old. My mom remarried a guy who, while an amazing stepdad, was profoundly the polar opposite of my dad. So, any chance he got, my dad would say something outrageous to me that he knew would make me doubt my sweet-natured stepdad. One time, out of the blue, my dad asked me what type of beer my stepdad drank. I told him that he drank Rolling Rock. My brilliant dad then said this:
“Oh, Rolling Rock! I’ll tell you something amazing about Rolling Rock. Have you ever looked at the can? It has polar bears frolicking under a waterfall, right? Well, here’s why that is: In Pennsylvania, where they bottle Rolling Rock, they maintain a nature preserve that is full of nothing but polar bears. Well, once a month, they send a bunch of mean men inside the area with the bears and they chase them around in jeeps and trucks. Then, once they’re certain that they all have upset tummies, they herd them all into this big pool of water at the top of the waterfall. The moment those bears get into the water, they starting barfing everywhere. Then, the men at the bottom collect the barf water with barrels. And THAT is how they make Rolling Rock beer.”
Even as a young child I questioned this story, but there was always just a tiny part of me that wanted to believe my stepdad was unknowingly drinking polar bear excrement.
#11 How To Make Your Butt Smaller
I thought excrement was stored in your butt cheeks and if you went #2 too much, your butt would deflate.
#10 A Lot Goes On In North Carolina
I used to believe that “Inc.” stood for “in North Carolina.”I live in North Carolina, and my dad told me that was what it meant. I believed it for an embarrassingly long time.
I still cringe when I think about it.
#9 What’s The Difference Between A Human And A Camel?
When I was a kid, my teacher said humans were mammals. I wasn’t paying much attention and heard her say that humans were camels instead.
Being the lover of fun facts that I was, I told everyone I knew that humans were actually camels. No one ever corrected me. This went on for years until one day, I heard someone say that humans were mammals again and it all clicked.
#8 Good Old War Stories Get Them Every Time
My grandfather used to have three serving spoons with the German Luftwaffe emblem stamped on them. During World War II, he was stationed out in the Middle East, and throughout my childhood, he used to tell me a story of how he and a small group of fellow soldiers came across a German tank. For two whole days, they played a game of cat and mouse, battling against the tank until finally, it ran out of ammo and they were able to overthrow it. Once they captured the crew, they searched the tank and my grandfather found the spoons inside, keeping them as trophies of the victory.
Years later, my grandfather passed away. Shortly after his funeral, I was talking to my grandmother and I mentioned the spoons that my grandfather had enjoyed so much. I’ll never forget her words:”German tank? Don’t be bloody stupid. He bought those spoons at an end-of-war sale in Cardiff.”
#7 Peanut Butter Comes From Squirrels
My dad made me believe that peanut butter came from squeezing squirrels. He also told me that white milk came from white cows, chocolate milk came from brown cows, and milkshakes came from shaking the cows.
#6 Ground Traffic Control
I used to believe that there were humans sitting in control rooms watching tons of traffic cams and turning red lights to green lights.
#5 Watch Out For Snakes On The Highway
When I was nine years old, the lady that was taking care of me at the time was driving me down the interstate. I rolled the window down and she said, “Boy! You better roll that window up before a snake jump in here and hit me! You see the way them snakes be jumping back and forth across that road!”
For years, I believed that snakes actually jumped into vehicles and attacked motorists.
#4 Learning Chinese Is Easy-Peasy
My dad told me that writing Chinese was as easy as putting a lot of lines together. “Anyone can do it,” he’d say.
Being the young and naive kid that I was, I thought that meant if I just put some lines together, I would be writing Chinese. I got excited and starting drawing a bunch of lines together to form what I thought were Chinese characters. I took it to my dad and asked him what the words meant. He looked at me dumbfounded and said that it didn’t mean anything.
For years, I was really confused as to why my dad couldn’t read Chinese but I could.
#3 One Way To Time Travel Is Through The VCR
My parents got a new VCR that had a programmable recording feature. I found this feature and saw that you could select a future time and date. Not knowing what it actually did, I briefly thought that we had the ability to watch TV that hadn’t aired yet.
#2 Use Salt To Catch Chipmunks
My dad told me that I could have a pet chipmunk or squirrel if I caught one. He told me the key to catching one was to shake salt on their tail because they would always stop to lick the salt off.
My brother and I would spend hours a day running around the yard with a bucket and a salt shaker. I think the last time I tried was when I was like, nine years old. I never really thought about it again until I was 15, and it was mind-blowing to realize it was all just to keep us busy outside.
#1 When Gorillas Attack…
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