Parents Share The Crushing Moment They Realized That They’ve Raised An Idiot
Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. Most parents do everything in their power to make sure they raise their children correctly. They constantly try to set a good example and teach their children important lessons that they can carry with them throughout their lives. But no one is perfect. And, sometimes, both children and adults are going to make mistakes.
You can love your child unconditionally and be proud of who they are. But in every parent’s life, there often comes a time when a child does something so moronic or embarrassing that the only thing there is to do is laugh. Just take it from these parents who recently shared the crushing moment they realized they’ve raised an idiot.
#1 No Shoes, No Problem
I used to tell my kids not to take off their shoes and socks in the car, especially on short trips. I’d tell them to just leave them on so that we don’t have to spend five minutes finding them and putting them back on before we run into the store. Imagine a single dad with two young kids running around the car trying to re-shoe them in the grocery store parking lot in the middle of an Arizona summer. Yuck. One day, we went to the store and my daughter was missing her shoe. It was nowhere to be found. “Daddy, I didn’t want you to be mad that my shoe was off so I threw it out the window.” Made sense to a five-year-old, I guess.
#2 Thunk In The Trunk
I made my dad drive around with me because my car had been making a “thunk” noise every time I made a turn. After 15 minutes, he announced it was the baseball bat in my trunk rolling around. My revenge 20 years later was helping him figure out the rattle in his car. It was his sunglasses he put in his built-in sunglass holder. We’re even now.
#3 Know It All
When my son was 11 years old, he confidently informed me he was pretty sure he knew everything there was to know, because he tried to think of something that he didn’t know, and couldn’t think of anything. I could have easily put him on the spot with some sort of trivia question, but he was feeling so into himself—I wanted him to keep that self-confidence going.
#4 Dirty Dessert
I asked my kids what the biggest dinosaur was and my oldest son said “paleontologist” without skipping a beat. That’s when I knew I was in trouble. Then, my friend told my other son that the dirt on the car tasted like candy, so he licked it. He tried to get his six-year-old brother to do it as well but even he wasn’t falling for it. At least three out of five kids will move out of my house eventually.
#5 HIV Homework
My 18-year-old son was told to get an HIV test in college for extra credit. Later, he came home and told me he got HIV…I was confused. He didn’t say he was tested, he said, “Mom, I got HIV today.” He was serious, but I still thought he was joking or something. I was confused, until his twin sister said, “No stupid, we got an HIV test.” I really didn’t know what to think.
#6 Going Off The Fly
When my youngest son, who was 10 at the time, was getting his ears checked at the pediatrician, they found a “foreign object” in his left ear. The foreign object was a dead housefly. He thought sticking a fly in his ear would give him flying powers. He had caught it and shoved it in there alive about a week prior. I guess it got stuck and just died.
#7 The Ban On Peter Pan
When the Peter Pan Peanut Butter recall happened, my then 15-year-old daughter came from school and as she was walking past the living room, she stopped and watched the news report about the salmonella outbreak. She got this “ah-ha” lightbulb moment and said, “Oh, now I get it! It’s about peanut butter! All day at school I kept hearing Peter Pan was ending people around the country and I thought he had turned bad or something.” I just stared at her, waiting for her to say she was joking, but no, she just went upstairs to her room like we just had a normal conversation.
#8 Masking The M&M Eating
I’m the idiot kid. When I was about three years old, after preparing dinner, my mom would leave me alone in the kitchen. After I finished, I would search for some M&Ms to nibble on, knowing I wasn’t allowed. Every time after I finished, I would go over to my mom and ask her, “Did you hear me eating M&Ms in the kitchen?” She would always reply “Yes” and I would always get so frustrated because I always tried to be as stealthy as possible. I never realized what blew my cover until I grew older.
#9 Floating Babies
When my uncle was about 10 years old, he heard from somewhere that babies float in water. For whatever reason, this really interested him. My granddad was reading the newspaper in their living room and he heard my uncle yelling out, “Dad! Dad! Dad!” from the backyard. My granddad walked out and saw my uncle standing right beside their pool, holding my aunt (who was about one-year-old at the time).
The thought of my 10-year-old uncle picking his baby sister out of her crib to do this cracks my family up. Immediately, my uncle shouted: “Dad! Did you know babies float?” and proceeds to toss my one-year-old aunt into the swimming pool. My aunt started to sink and my granddad had to sprint over to the pool and jump in before she drowned. That day, my uncle learned that babies do not float.
#10 Problem With Pants
My 14-year-old son went into a dressing room to try on five pairs of pants. After waiting 15 minutes and yelling twice into the men’s dressing room to see if he was okay, he admitted he couldn’t find the shorts he had worn to the store. He gave me three pairs of pants and still couldn’t find them. I finally had to go into the stall to look. They were balled up in the leg of one of the pair of pants. It was extremely noticeable. He swore he took his shorts off before trying on any of the pants so he didn’t think to look in them. I was speechless. He’s in the gifted program in our school district.
#11 Quarter Of
My dad loves to tell the story of him teaching me to tell time. I had just learned money, so a quarter was automatically 25 to my small brain. After about an hour of trying to convince me that it was only 15 minutes in time, my mom walked in the kitchen to both of us crying out of frustration. I was probably the most difficult child to teach in my family.
#12 Totally Checked Out
I used to pay the guy who took care of the yard for me by writing a check, putting it in a baggie and sticking it under the mat. One weekend, I was on the phone while writing the check, so I asked my son to put the check in the baggie and under the mat for me. I went on with the conversation and forgot about it. A few days later, the guy who takes care of the lawn called me up and said he looked everywhere but couldn’t find the check.
While we were talking, I opened the door and lifted up the mat. No check. He said, you are really great customers, so I was surprised that the check wasn’t there. I was surprised too! I looked around, behind bushes, under the decorations, but still no check. THEN, I tried to think like my son… I looked under the mat INSIDE the front door, and the check was there! We still laugh about it.
#13 Foot House
My brother couldn’t remember the proper name for shoes so he called them ‘foot houses’. My mom realized that day that at least one of her teenage children was a bit doughy up top. To this day, my brother has trouble remembering the actual names of common objects. One time, he referred to chopsticks as “those wooden sticks girls sometimes wear in their hair.”
#14 Rude Reflections
One of my daughters constantly tries to insult the other by telling her how ugly she is. They’re identical twins.
#15 Hungry For Hot Food
I don’t think he’s an idiot, but he definitely lacks common sense. He’ll take a bite of food while it’s scalding hot, then cry and act like he’s dying. Yet, he won’t spit it out. He’ll say, “Mommy it’s hot!!” And I’ll say, “Well, I told you to wait for it to cool down.” He would then say no and continue taking scalding hot bites while crying that it’s too hot. In his defense, his father’s the same way.
#16 Petrified By Purring
My son came to our house to visit once, but we weren’t home so he let himself in. We walked in and he was freaking out about breaking our newly adopted cat or something to that effect. I asked him what was she doing since she looked fine to me. He said she was “vibrating” when she sat on his lap. That was the moment he learned that cats purr. He hadn’t been around a lot of cats growing up, so I guess he just didn’t know.
#17 Nuggets And Onions
My dad is a truck driver, so he was never home. I ended up being the adult male figure in my sister’s life. One day, when she was around 14 or so, I took her to McDonald’s for dinner and asked her what she wanted. She said, “McNuggets.” I pulled up to the speaker and started ordering: “Hello, I’ll take an eight-piece McNuggets with a High C.” My sister quickly reminded me to tell them not to put onions.
“I’ll also take a Quarter Pounder meal with a Sprite.” My sister said again, “No onions!” the cashier asked if that was our complete order and I said, “Yes, that will be all.” At that point, my sister was getting really angry and asked, “Why didn’t you tell them no onions on mine?!” I looked at her and said just as loudly, “ON YOUR CHICKEN NUGGETS?!” It finally dawned on her and she couldn’t look up and show her face.
#18 Panicking Instead Of Parking
I swear my oldest ones are not actually dummies, they were just having a bad day. A few months after they got their first car, they were in a very minor, no actual damage done, accident in a parking lot. They called me panicked, I told them to relax and exchange insurance information just in case. Ten minutes later, I got another panicked call because now their car wouldn’t start.
I calmed them down, told them to call roadside assistance, and that I would meet them at the parking lot. I got there just after the tow truck arrived. My oldest was nearly in tears over their car. I gave them a hug and reassured them that it was probably something minor. There was simply no way the tiny fender bender they had could’ve caused any damage significant enough to disable the car.
The tow truck driver hopped out, took one look at my kid’s car and asked, “Did you put the gear in park before trying to start it?” My kid went back to the car, and sure enough, in their panic over the earlier fender bender, she had turned off the car without putting it in park. Thank goodness it was on a level surface. They hopped in, threw it in park, and their car started right up, much to their relief. The tow truck driver and I had a hearty laugh.
#19 Clean Layers
The three-year-old was preparing for his bath. His underwear looked strange but I was distracted by his brother. The kid took off one pair of underwear, then a second pair, then a third. I asked why he was wearing three pairs of underwear. The kid looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “Mom told me to put on a clean pair every day.” That kid grew up to place the highest in math in our large midwestern city. But even in his 20’s, you have to make sure you give clear instructions as he will follow rules to the letter.
#20 No Sock, No Shoe
My son yelled at me from the outside to get his toy from the grass (he was standing in the driveway). When I asked why he couldn’t get it himself, he explained he was only wearing one shoe. When I asked why he was only wearing one shoe, he explained that he was only able to find one sock that morning. According to him, without the other sock, there was no point in wearing the other shoe.
#21 Understanding Urinals
The first time I took my oldest son into a public men’s room because he “had to go,” I asked if he needed assistance. He stated he was a big boy and didn’t need help. I saw him walk to the child urinal, so I took the opportunity to use the men’s urinal. I was finishing up my business and looked toward him. I saw sneakers pointing away from the wall and toward the middle of the room. I quickly finished, flushed and rushed over. He was very proud that he did it all by himself. That was the day that I realized you must teach your boys that the urinal is only for #1
#22 Missing The Mark
Let me preface this by saying my son is actually brilliant (especially when it comes to computers and music). I love him more than life itself. HOWEVER. When he was in 9th grade, reading A Tale of Two Cities, he complained to me that he was having a problem with the book because whenever he would continue reading it, he had to figure out where he left off last time.
I was like, “If only we had the technology—a way to mark the last place we read in a book —it would be so much easier!” Then, I found an index card for him to use as a bookmark. In all honesty, I really felt for the poor kid. He was never an enthusiastic reader, to begin with. I’ve always been an avid reader, and even I struggled with Dickens, all the way through college.
#23 Passing Out From Praying
When my brother was younger, around 10 years old, he told my mother that he hated church. We’re not a religious family but when he would spend the night with his friends, he would go with their families. When my mom asked why he said he “couldn’t hold his breath that long.” This idiot thought that anytime he bowed his head to pray, he had to hold his breath. My mom face-palmed and said, “I have failed as a mother.”
#24 Gross Pouring
I went to the doctor when I was around 11 years old and they needed a urine sample. The doctor told me these exact words: “I want you to pee in the cup, then put it on the tray.” Now for some reason, my brain assumed that the “it” she was talking about was the urine. I subsequently went to the bathroom, went #1 in the cup, and POURED it on the tray. The nurse comes back asking why I did that, and I explained my reasoning. It got a good laugh out of everyone, and it taught the nurse to be much more explicit when talking to kids.
#25 Hindering Hair Growth
I recently made my son start wearing deodorant. A few days ago, I reminded him he needed to put his on, so he came into the bathroom while I was putting my deodorant on. He asked me why I needed deodorant and I said because I’m a grownup and all grownups need it. He replied, “But you already have armpit hair, isn’t deodorant only for kids so armpit hair doesn’t grow?
#26 Falling Flat
I had a co-worker whose daughter called him and said she thought she had a flat tire but wasn’t for sure. He asked her, “Well, does the tire look flat?” She answered, “Well, the top half isn’t.” He was talking to her on speaker phone so there was no hiding that shame. Everyone in the office laughed and even my co-worker couldn’t help but chuckle at his daughter.
#27 Changing Moons
My daughter called, asking what we are doing. I told her that her mom and I were sitting out on the back deck drinking adult beverages and watching the full moon. She said, “I wonder if we have a full moon here, I’ll have to check.” She lived about a mile away. She was in her 20s. I couldn’t even correct her over the phone because she hung up immediately to check.
#28 Short Cut To Grasscutting
My kid brought the lawnmower through the house to cut the backyard. I was not home. The worst part was, it wouldn’t fit through one of the doorways due to a doggy gate, so he tipped it over on its side and spilled gas all over the floor. The house smelled like a gas station and it took us forever to clean the area. I appreciated the thought but that was just a stupid move.
#29 Fun In A Flood
I live in front of a local park. One year, the drain in the middle of the park plugged up and when the spring thaw came, the park literally flooded to four feet deep. The water couldn’t have been much warmer than 40 degrees. I was sitting down, looking out my back window and I saw three kids swimming in the newly-formed lake. I say to myself, “What kind of parents have kids that dumb?” Then I saw my dog join them.
#30 Bathing In Root Beer
My husband’s sister passed away recently and we are still very involved with her daughter’s life. She came and stayed the weekend with us once. We went to a store to walk around and waste time before she was leaving, and she decided to play with the essential oils in a store. When we got back in the car which was brand new, it smelled awful from all the stuff she rubbed on her hands. We then caught her pouring root beer on herself to “wash her hands,” which then got all over my car. It had to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever witnessed a 10-year-old do.
#31 Plastic Pizza Preparation
My ex-wife was babysitting her younger sister for the first time when she was 12 or so. She called her mom after deciding to make them lunch asking how to take the plastic off frozen pizza after you baked it.
#32 Chocolate And Cheese
My friend’s kid wanted to make himself mac and cheese, but there was no milk in the fridge. They ran out of milk because he eats a lot of cereal. He decided to use chocolate milk instead. He sat down with us while we were having a conversation and started eating his chocolate milk mac and cheese like it was no big deal.
#33 Pork Chop Problems
My oldest kid made a 32 on his ACT and finished College Algebra with a 98 while a junior in high school. But he has NO common sense. Once, when he was around 16-years-old, my wife asked for help in the kitchen. She had pork chops marinating in a glass dish. Since I was running late from work she asked him to put them on the grill to cook. He asked how he was supposed to get them out of the dish and she replied, “You can use a fork.” Instead of picking up the glass dish and taking it up the grill, he proceeded to get a fork, pick up one pork chop, and carry it outside, one at a time.
#34 Hot Mistake
I was 11 years old when I tried to iron my dress shirt WHILE wearing it. Needless to say, it did not go over well and I ended up with some pretty bad burns. My mom couldn’t stop laughing when she found out. Luckily, the burns weren’t deep enough to turn into scars, but the memory of that incident is definitely scarred in my brain for life!
#35 Confused About Cupcakes
She was told she could head to the other end of the store and pick out cupcake mix for her school party. She came back some minutes later, sadly claiming they were “all out of cupcake mix” at this gigantic superstore. We asked her to walk us over and show us the baking aisle. When we got there, the entire aisle was lined with plenty of various cake mixes, but no cupcake mix. She was told to pick up any box, and turn it over… only to find, you guess, directions on making cupcakes. It’s been a number of years, now but that story will likely be told for many, many more.
#36 Pre-mature Dropout
My step-daughter got accepted to a college three months before graduating high school. Then, she dropped out of high school because she thought that being accepted to college meant she didn’t need a high school diploma. She did all of this without telling myself or my wife. Now she has to redo her final year of high school, as well as apply to colleges again.
#37 Stealing Gas
Just earlier this week, my son was filling his car up with gas. He’s 16 and had $19.42 in his account. He started pumping and forgot to stop at $19.42 or less. He called me and said, “Dad, I accidentally went to $20. Could you transfer some money to me so I could, you know, not steal?” I transferred enough for him to fill his tank completely, so maybe I’m the idiot.
#38 A Refreshing Realization
I know my mother must have felt this way when I looked at the car freshener hanging off the rear view mirror and said, “Darn, we’re gonna have to remove the whole mirror to take the freshener off.” Then she stared at me for a bit, pulled out the freshener from one end, then the other, then stared at me for a bit longer while I watched silently. I hung my head in shame for a while after that.
#39 A Ridiculous Replacement
My brother at the age of 17 was doing laundry. After accidentally knocking over and spilling all the liquid laundry detergent onto the floor, he was trying to figure out how he would be able to wash his clothes now. His solution? Large amounts of liquid dish soap. I’ll never forget walking into the house and the terrified look on his face.
#40 Arrested Development
One time, I got locked out of the house while it was pouring with rain. I was wearing a black hoodie over my head and had a backpack on that day. I decided to scale the house and enter through the attic window. When I got up there, I couldn’t open the window, so I just decided to lay down and wait for a bit. Ten minutes later, I was looking at the sky and see a chopper hovering over me.
I looked around and there were police officers in my neighbors’ gardens waiting for me. Turned out, some guy walking his dog saw me and called the cops, telling me someone was trying to break into a house. As soon as I got down, my parents rolled up onto the driveway to see me surrounded by cops and getting loaded into a police car.
#41 Cold Crime
My mom loves to tell my kids about the day she sent me (I’m their dad) and my brother to the gas station to get some ice. We were camping and the gas station was a couple of blocks away. She gave us a few bucks to get the ice. We came back with two bags and she asked if there was change. I proudly handed her 100% of the money back and said, “Actually it was free! You could just take it!” We had unknowingly stolen from the gas station because we were idiots who didn’t know to just go in and pay.
#42 Losing Power
My adult daughter called me to ask for directions because her phone was dead and she didn’t have a car charger. So I asked, “Well how are you talking to me now?” She replied saying her phone was plugged into the wall. I asked, “What wall? She replied, “The wall of the gas station.” I said, “I can’t help you with this. You will figure it out.” And hung up.
#43 Tornado Trauma
I was telling my five-year-old about a tornado that happened when I was his age because he loves storms. He looked me straight in the eye and asked if I died in the tornado.
#44 Water Zoo
I once asked my mom to take me and a friend to the “water zoo.” She asked us, “Don’t you mean aquaarium?” and I said, “No. Water zoo.”
#45 Find My Phone
I was about 18 years old and had been searching the house for my phone for a solid 30 minutes before I called my mom to ask if she had seen it. From my phone. She hung up on me and I got furious before I realized what I’d just done. The sad part is, this always happens to me and it always ends up the same way—with me embarrassing myself.
#46 How Many?
Yesterday while driving, my toddler asked, “Dad, how many is Sarah (his older cousin)?” I responded, “How many years old? She’s 11.” He then said, “No, how many is Sarah?” Confused, I asked, “How many what? Do you mean how far away she lives?” At this point, he was furious. “No, how many!!!”
I told him, “I’m trying to answer bud, try to be calm.” So he said, “No you’re not, you’re trying to make me mad!” I assured him, “I don’t want you to be mad, I just don’t know what your question is.” Red-faced and enraged, he asked, “I SAID HOW MANY IS SARAH?” I paused, then respond, “She’s nine, buds.” “THANK YOU!”