Confused Parents Share The Best “Weird Flex But OK” Moments They’ve Seen From Their Kids

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According to Urban Dictionary, the phrase “weird flex but OK” is said when someone boasts about something that most other people would find either awkward or irrelevant. The term was coined by millennials during the rise of memes when the phrase was plastered all over comedic photos and graphics. However, the phrase is not applicable to millennials exclusively—it also applies to toddlers and children.

It makes total sense because, as any parent can attest, kids really do say the darndest things. The following parents took to the Internet to share the best “weird flex but OK” moments they’ve seen from their kids. From slight burns to total shutdowns, these kids were not afraid to throw shade at their parents. Read on for some cute stories and hilarious knee-slappers.

#1 A Future Ross Geller

My son told me he doesn’t need school because he already knows the name of 10 dinosaurs. For anyone who wants to know, my son’s favorite dinosaur is the Spinosaurus. He’s probably going to grow up to be exactly like Ross in “Friends”— an incredibly wealthy TV star. This was a couple of years ago.

He plays lots of dinosaur games and reads nothing but dinosaur books. I’d say he knows at least 20 now. He says he wants to be a paleontologist when he grows up but is still pretty sure college will be a breeze because he already knows “all the dinosaur names.”

theaholeofalabama

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#2 Second Grade Worries

My son started second grade this week. A couple of weeks ago, the school sent out postcards with the date and time of the “open house” and his teacher’s name. I asked him if he was excited to be in Mrs. So-And-So’s class, and he said yes, but he was also worried. I asked what he was worried about and he said: “What if she falls in love with me and wants to marry me?” I laughed and reassured him that he didn’t need to worry since she’s already married.

jeanneeebeanneee

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#3 Kissing Problems

Kids brains are so amusing. I remember when I was eight years old, I was super stressed out about one day needing to get married. Like, I would lie awake at night worrying. The reason? Well, when you get married, you kiss the bride afterward in front of everyone and I didn’t know how! It never did occur to me that if I was getting married, that problem would have sorted itself out a long time prior…

ThrowAwayForPancakes

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#4 An Odd World Record

When I was an afterschool tutor for primary school kids, I excused a boy to the bathroom. He came back telling me he made the “biggest number two in the world.” He intentionally didn’t flush so that I could come look at it. I told him that was great, but it was art time. He argued that his big number two was a work of art.

I told him to clean up so he could get back to class, and he did—but not before he whipped out his cellphone to snap a picture. This is why kids should not be given cellphones when they’re still young.

 manlikerealities

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#5 A Ruthless Kid

A friend of mine had two young boys. The older one, maybe five years old, was sitting with him and pointed at a white hair. “What’s this papa?” he asked. My friend said, “Oh, it just means I’m getting old.” His son looked at him dead serious, then looked at his brother and said, “Well… I guess it’s just going  to be us and mom soon, huh?” I got a good chuckle out of that one. What a ruthless kid.

dearyoudearyou

#6 Father Not Like Son

I was driving with my three-year-old son a few months back and we saw a car pulled over to the side of the road. He asked why it was there and I figured to ask him for his perspective, just so I could see his thought process. He said: “Maybe a flat tire or the engine stopped working?” I told him it was a good answer. Then, he responded: “You must not be very smart if you couldn’t come up with it.”

bthompson04

#7 She’s Got A Point… Kind Of

I was climbing trees with my six-year-old niece when she asked me, “How can you climb trees if you’re so old?” to which I replied, “I’m 27!” Then she said in a sympathetic voice, “Wow. Your life is half over.”

imakethingscooler

#8 Gone Again

When I was six years old, my absent father came back into my life for a brief period of time. I paraded him around all of my friends, bragging  and saying “This is my dad, I bet you thought I didn’t have a dad, but I did!” It turned out that the joke would be on me because, within the span of a month, he was gone again—never to be found or heard from.  I’m okay now, but as a kid, that really broke my heart.

MetalHengst

#9 Needs Improvement

My son, who was four years old at the time, was trying to impress the six-year-old neighbor girl. He leaned casually on his arm and said, “I have lots of accidents. Number one and number two accidents.” I hope for his sake his pick up lines improve.

Ishnian

#10 TMI At Applebee’s

When my son was five, a waitress at Applebee’s asked him how old he was, to which he exclaimed, “I’m five and I went number two today!” I think everyone within four tables of us was very impressed. Then, on another occasion, we out to eat at the same Applebee’s and the server asked if he was ready for ice cream. He said, “No, I have a number two coming.” He then replied, “Well, more room for ice cream then!” That was sweet.

excitedheart

#11 Putting His Foot Down

My six-year-old son recently put his foot down letting me know it was not okay for me to tell him what he could or could not wear because he should be allowed to have “his own fashion.” Okay, fine. Shorts, sandals and one black sock it is. I contemplated having a button made that said “I dressed myself today!” for my children to proudly wear, without them not realizing it’s mostly so other adults would stop judging me for my kids’ fashion choices.

alex_moose

#12 A Useful Trick

“Kati, you have to eat three more green beans before you’re excused.”

“No! No more!”

“Three more.”

“I’m going to eat four more!!”

Oh no, you got me good.

ThePrevailer

#13 A Unique Perspective On Life

My son was in the tub and asked exactly how old he was.

Me: “Umm… about four years, 10 months, and four days.”

After a few moments of deep thought, I heard him say quietly and reverently to himself:

“…and I still haven’t been bitten by a single wild animal.”

Oh man. It still kills me.

yxe1982

#14 Big Power Move

A friend of mine was trying to teach his daughter to pick up her toys when she was younger. When she didn’t do it one time, he told her he was going to throw away everything that was still on the floor. So she picked them up and put them in the trash can for him. That’s got to be up there as one of the biggest power moves a kid has ever pulled on an adult. He got a good laugh out of that one.

xJeffmanx

#15 Totally Unbothered

When my son was being punished, my wife took everything out of his room while he was screaming and protesting the entire time. When she was done he had the temerity to say, “You forgot my books.” I thought my wife was going to stroke out. My son was four and couldn’t read by himself.

As they got older, taking books away became a more serious punishment (as it was for me as a child). But at this point, and especially since he was going to bed anyway, he was just being a jerk.

angryundead

#16 High Fives

My daughter doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong yet (or so she makes us believe), so everything is high five worthy, in her worldview. Climb up on the couch? High five! Pull the cat’s tail? High five! Give the dogs treats? High five! Tip the pet water bowl over? High five! Solve one of those kiddie puzzles? High five! Cry indiscriminately over nothing? High five! Now that I think of it, high fives can be a great behavioral tool.

DammitPronounsPal

#17 Proud Son

When my son was potty training, I started letting him do the clean-up, then I’d have to finish. After a bit of this, he figured he was pretty good to go on his own, and he was a very “big boy” about it. So for the next couple of weeks, he’d do his thing (which always included getting naked) then he’d come running out to wherever I was, bend over and shout, “Hey, mom! I wiped my butt all by myself!! Look!”

Jrfemfin

#18 The Food Doesn’t Lie

My five-year-old godson once told me, in all seriousness: “Mama doesn’t make the best food. daddy tells her it’s good. Sometimes we go to the yogurt place for dessert and daddy sneaks me to McDonald’s, especially if mama burnt the food like last night.” I nodded and said something to the effect of, “So daddy takes you to get an extra snack so you get to eat something yummy and not hurt mom’s feelings?”

My godson nodded and said, “And daddy says ‘I cook better than Mama huh buddy?’” And I say, “‘Yes daddy you do!’ But guess what?” “What?” This is when he smiled and cocked his head: “Daddy is a bad cook too.”

SloresAllOfYou

#19 Whatever Works

My son is a free-runner in his spare time, so I often find him in weird places. He’s 16 now, but even as a baby, I’d find him on top of the piano, at the top of the closet, etc. He could climb anywhere. Recently, I found him standing in the branches of a tree down the street, staring off into space. I asked what he was doing, and he said, “I’m just hanging out.” Okay, man… Whatever works for you.

amiker7709

#20 How To Offend A Grown Man

I don’t have a kid, but when I was maybe eight years old I heard my uncle bragging about his gut and gesturing to his stomach. So one day when my dad was working on something outside with his shirt off, I very proudly told him, “Dad! You’re getting a gut!” I smiled very wide and he was visibly hurt. He said that was mean and I didn’t understand for weeks why I insulted him.

dumbassneetgirl

#21 A Wild Imagination

My five-year-old talks to every animal she comes across. They’re all her friends. She literally names every creature she sees in a day. A moth? “Oh, that’s Stella, my moth friend.” A bird? “That’s Jake. My bird friend, he’s on his way to his grandma’s!” A rattlesnake? “Don’t kill it, mom! That’s Jenna. She’s a nice protector snake!”

She also insists that she’s a “super kid,” with batteries for everything. When she doesn’t wanna eat anymore, she says: “My food battery is full.” When she doesn’t want to go to bed, she says: “My sleep battery is full.” Sigh, kids.

#22 A Late Discovery

I remember being about eight years old and bragging to multiple strangers about how my older, redheaded and white sister was my full-blooded sister with a different last name than mine. I thought it was a cool fun fact about my family. Also, for context, I was a little brown-haired, brown-eyed, brown-skinned child, which made the fact that she was my sister a whole lot more interesting. Turns out, she was a half-sibling and nobody told me until I was older.

MetalHengst

#23 Chocolate Eyeballs

My daughter had a paper from school that she brought home. On the paper, there was a single question written across the top: “If I had a million dollars I would…” All of the kids had to put down their answer. My daughter wrote that she would pop out her eyeballs. When I asked her about it later she explained how she wanted to pop out her eyeballs and replace them with chocolate eyeballs.

SunnayDaayyz

#24 Unfair Trade

My eight-year-old son’s doctor was trying to make him comfortable during an EKG by telling him he had to leave his ear with the doctor. They went back and forth for a while until finally, the doctor said he would trade him the ear for a lollipop. My son said he would not give up his ear, but he still wanted the lollipop. The doctor said, “What! That is not a fair trade. What will you give me for the lollipop?” My son answered in a dead-serious tone: “I get the lollipop and you get my respect.”

kimberac43

#25 One-Up Liners

So, my seven-year-old has always been… eccentric. I started keeping a log of some things she says in passing on my phone since she was young. Here are some winners:

“Something smells like chocolate and it’s coming from the inside of my mouth.”

“Yeah well, I can read blank spaces.”

“Chickens have chicken in their bodies.”

Most of these are responses to her older sister bragging about something she did to excel in school.

#26 A Logically-Sound Argument

My son was watching me cut down a very small tree and the following occurred:

Son: “Wow, I’ve never seen someone cut down a tree that big before!”

Me: “Well, I mean, you’ve only seen one person cut down a tree so far, but you’ve only been alive for five years, so give it time.”

Son: “Excuse me? I’ve been alive much longer than that.”

Me: “Oh yeah? How long have you been alive then?”

Son: “10,000 years.”

Me: “…… You know, I actually don’t doubt that.”

He’s a treasure.

MamieJoJackson

#27 Good Intentions

My wife brought my three-year-old son to my job site since he really wanted to “drive” the excavator. My uncle, who operates the excavator, let him dig some holes and play around while sitting on his lap. He then came up to me and said, “Daddy, I want to drive the excavator with you.” I told him I didn’t know how too and to just keep riding with his uncle. His reply: “It’s okay daddy, I’ll teach you,” with the biggest smirk on his face.

Jablon15

#28 Tattooed Dreams

When my kid was potty training, he was in a phase where he loved temporary tattoos. We used tattoos as a reward for a successful potty trip. He became so obsessed that at one point, he was covered on both arms, back, and chest. We didn’t think much of it, living in Seattle, until one summer day we took him to the wading pool.

For one of the first times in public, we took his shirt off, and he strode out into the pool with his toddler abs, and shorts, looking like he had just finished a hard set of reps at the free weights in the prison yard.

THSSFC

#29 Googol Times Googol

My kid’s an arrogant little brat, so he has a few. But one that sticks out was when he was seven years old and trying to explain the concept of the largest-known number to a fellow martial arts student. My kid said something about “Googolplex,” then turned to classmate’s dad said, “That’s Googol to the Googol power, which means Googol times Googol since you probably didn’t know.” It was so hard not to laugh as I explained why that was not an acceptable thing to say.

crissaboo

#30 Epic Penny Toss

When I was five years old, I had a crush on the 20-year-old daughter of this wealthy family friend of ours. I asked for her hand in marriage and she agreed willingly. It was playful to her but fully serious on my part. She was carrying me, her soon-to-be groom when her mother confronted me.

“You need to have money if you want to marry my daughter.” I looked right into her eyes and without missing a beat, reached into my little pockets and tossed her a penny. Her face was priceless, and my smirk was flawless. My game never peaked again.

kaz6199

#31 It Wasn’t The Dog

My three-year-old daughter can go number two in the back yard without anyone knowing. I picked it up for weeks wondering why the dog’s number two looked so weird. Then,  looked out of the sliding glass door one day while my girls were playing. I saw my three-year-old squatting in the middle of the yard. Her older sister sprayed her with the water house as soon as she was finished. It was a spectacular scene, and I will never let them forget it.

ONCETWICENEVER

#32 Baby Driver

My five-year-old kid is obsessed with cars. He lives and breathes motorsport. One time, he was driving his go-kart in the driveway and our neighbors yelled over: “Wow, you’re amazing kiddo!” The kid yelled back in a dead-serious tone, “I know—I’m a better driver than most of the grown-ups I know.” He’s honestly not wrong. The kid can even parallel park on a single try.

thisdragonis

#33 Little Boss

My son was too young to start public school since he had a late birthday, so we had him apply to a private school. We didn’t want him to lose a year. They did a series of admission tests and the final test was an interview with the principal. She asked him a few pretty basic questions, one of which was to spell his name. He looked at her puzzled and got up to leave. Then he turned to me and said, “I don’t want to go to this school, the principal can’t even spell my name.” He started walking out like the little boss he was.

Rangestalker

#34 Young Love

I teach swim lessons and my kid told me in the proudest tone possible that she had three boyfriends. She’s five. This was in the same conversation where another girl told me my daughter also wanted to marry her two-year-old brother. Like, it’s nice these girls are getting around more than I am but I’m trying to teach them how to streamline kick.

Blitz233

#35 Humble Brag

I was over at my little cousin’s house when he was about 10 years old. He was really excited to show me something, but I didn’t know what it was. He ran down to the basement where he and his sister had their playroom, along with their dad’s old computer. He started up the computer and opened up Age of Empires 2. He proceeded to show me this incredible empire that he had built.

I don’t know what I expected his surprise to be, but it definitely wasn’t that. It was definitely a weird flex that came out of nowhere, but at the same time, the sincere excitement that lit up his eyes as he explained everything to me was probably the happiest I have ever seen him.

-eDgAR-

#36 Isn’t She Lovely

My sister did this growing up. My grandpa drove a couple of hours to come to her second or third birthday. When he was getting ready to leave my parents’ place, I told my sister to go give him a hug. She did not want to go give him a hug. They kept telling her to. Eventually, she walked over to my grandpa and kicked him right in the leg. That pretty much sums up my sister until she turned 30.

sillywabbittrix

#37 New Knees, Old Knees

Not a parent, but I have a friend with a seven-year-old niece who I sometimes hang around. At a pool party, I joked that my knees hurt since I was so old. I was only 24 at the time. She stared me down with cold dead eyes and just said, “Mine don’t. Because I’m not old.” She wasn’t making a joke. Just stating a fact. It still kind of shocked me. The fact that there was no hint of sarcasm in her voice at all made it even colder.

bystander007

#38 He Tried It

Self-story. I had to go to the bathroom really badly in the fourth grade. I raised my hand to go and everything and my P.E. teacher wouldn’t let me even though I said it was an emergency. So I just went in front of him. Grey sweats and all.

Backdoorpickle

#39 Fighting The System

I told the teacher I felt sick. She wouldn’t let me out for whatever reason, so I just walked up to her desk and threw up all over it. She sent me to the principal and my friends confirmed my story. Suddenly, the teachers couldn’t refuse to let us go for two times per lesson, after the third time, they’d have to get us to the nurse. It lasted for half a year until kids started abusing it to skip classes.

Eibeekay

#40 Youthful Bravery

I had an amber alert hit my phone one night while my six-year-old was playing a game on it. She asked what that was and I explained it to her. “It’s a message that gets sent out of a kid gets kidnapped,” I said. She looked at it again and saw it was for a town over two hours from where we lived. She then asked me why they sent to us if it’s so far away. I said it was because they want everyone to look and find the kid. She leaned over close to my ear and whispered, “I’m very difficult to end.”

sweetxexile

#41 Clowning Around

When my sister was younger, she told her teacher that my dad was a clown. He actually owns an auto body shop but I guess she thought he was pretty funny. Apparently, the parent/teacher conference was hilarious. “Your daughter tells us you’re a clown? What an… interesting career.” My dad had a semi-serious talk with my sister that night. “You can’t just keep telling everyone I’m a clown, sweetie.” She replied, “But you are a clown.”

Action1988

#42 Ring Bearer Antics

My wedding day. The ring bearer, who was five years old, was meeting one of my groomsmen for the first time ever. The ring bearer walked up, was introduced to him, then responds by saying, “I know where your nuts are. And, I’m the perfect height to just punch them!” Then he just stood there.

psychotrshman

#43 Fame Mentality

My seven-year-old daughter didn’t want our houseguests to go in her room because they might see her awards (her good grades,  karate black belts, etc). She was worried they would think she was famous.

Gatorphan

| Humaverse

#44 Virtual Influences

My son, who was four or five years old at the time, walked into the kitchen and said to my wife, “Give me my usual, but put it in a real glass.” She was like, “What, your milk?” It was then that we realized we had to reign in the iPad and Curse of Monkey Island.

jitsrotu

#45 Proud Of Puberty

Not a parent, but when I was little, I had a child therapist and I told her in a bragging tone that I was only eight years old and already wearing a training bra. I remember her just looking at me for a while, then saying “…Okay…”

A22_R2

 

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