We’re Done: These Breakup Stories Make Us Never Want To Date Again
Some relationships last forever, but most don’t. Some, in particular, seem destined to crash and burn. And not just burn like a campfire but go up in flames like someone doused them with a truckload of gasoline and topped it off with some dynamite. There are few experiences more devastating than a bad breakup—and these stories are proof that when it happens, it can range from utterly outrageous to absolutely heartbreaking. Here are real-life breakup stories from people who lived through explosive splits and lived to tell the tale.
#1 We’ve Got Ourselves a Runner
He literally ran away. We got back from a gig and I went to put some ice cream in the freezer only to hear footsteps and the door slamming. Ran out and he was legging it down the road. Not only is it my worst breakup, it’s my weirdest.
#2 You Should Have Dropped the Girl Instead of the Class
I left my girlfriend’s dorm room to go to class. When I get there it’s been canceled. I decided to go back to her room—I couldn’t believe what I found. I could hear her hooking up with another guy (she was very loud). Even worse? I knocked on the door and she actually answered, thinking someone was going to ask them to keep it down.
#3 Bad Phone Calls
I knew I had to break up with my S.O. when I saw their name pop up on my phone, and my immediate reaction was dread rather than excitement. It’s one thing to occasionally feel that someone is being needy, it’s another when literally every communication leads to you wondering, “Oh God, what is it this time?”
#4 Who’s Dating Who?
My ex kept treating his dance partner better than me—would take her out for drinks to try ones she hadn’t before, took her shopping with him, post photos of her online, etc—but wouldn’t hold my hand in public, nothing about me on social media whatsoever. It’s totally fine, but if you go on and on about how great your dance partner is and making it seem like your girlfriend doesn’t exist, it doesn’t feel great.
I have no issue with female friends or dance partners, but don’t pay for dinner and drinks with them and then have your girlfriend pay for every single date night. I dropped $70 for a movie night, $40 of which were his drinks. Dude still hits me up whining about how we could’ve worked out, how he misses my cat, etc. I dumped him over a year ago.
#5 The High Cost of a Broken Heart
We’d been together for three years. She borrowed several hundred dollars from me a week before we broke up, knowing the whole time that she was going to do it. When she broke up with me, all she did was tell me that she didn’t love me anymore. No discussion, no explanation, nothing. She then kept the breakup secret, moved to another city, mooched off of my friends, trashed their apartment, and worst of all?
She nearly killed their dog.
#6 Give Me The Money!
My dad got remarried after having been divorced for five years. I would have been all for it, but this whole situation didn’t feel right. He met this woman in another state on a business trip and would travel up to see her every weekend. They knew each other for six months before getting engaged. The engagement only lasted three months.
My brother and I tried telling him about all the red flags, telling him to take his time. My dad is very well-off financially, and we kept trying to explain to him that things were moving too quickly, and she seemed like a gold-digger. She moved her whole family from their hometown to the city my dad lived in, including their elderly grandmother who needed constant medical supervision.
Before they were even married, the pantry was full of expensive food from Whole Foods, instead of the cheaper unbranded things we got from the local grocery store. He bought new furniture and had the house repainted, all at his bride-to-be’s request. The marriage lasted all of two weeks. Apparently, my dad’s new bride had the gall to ask my dad to leave everything to her in the will and to write me and my brother out. Only then did he realize she was in it for the money.
The next day he had the marriage annulled.
#7 If You Liked It, Then You Should Have Put a Biscuit on It
An old college friend was coming over to visit, so my partner asked, “Where are your biscuits?” I told her I didn’t have any, and she said, “You know, when someone comes over, you should have an array of snacks, like biscuits, to offer them.” I understood her point, but he was my friend, and I told her that he wasn’t coming over for biscuits.
She asked me what I’d offer him, and I said that I had some homebrew. Two days later she says: “Anyone who doesn’t have biscuits doesn’t respect friends and family,” and breaks up with me. This is not during the first two weeks of the relationship. This is when we were engaged. Needless to say, I was an idiot to be with her, and we never married—thank God!
#8 You Should Really Get Out More… Without Me
She started encouraging me to go out without her more often. She’d never done that before and usually couldn’t stand to be apart from me. In retrospect, there were a lot of warning signs, but I didn’t notice any of them. Meanwhile, she was basically in a year-long relationship with one of my best friends and I was utterly oblivious!
#9 This Won’t Be on the Exam
I got dumped via text in high school. Being dumped wasn’t that bad, it was my overreaction that made it worse. I threw my phone across the room and it broke against the wall. The substitute had no idea what to do. I was fuming and flipped a desk and walked out. Not a good look for all the other girls in class that I could’ve potentially gone out with.
#10 The Joke’s On Her
I canceled on a party her friends were having because I worked late. My boss let me out a few hours early because it was dead. So I went to the party. I got there and asked her cousin where she was. Her cousin said, “oh, she’s in her car out front on the phone.” As I walked away to go to the car her cousin panicked and said “NO! WAIT! SHE’S IN THE BATHROOM!”
I knew she was lying, so I jogged to my girlfriend’s car out front. I looked in the window and she was pantless doing stuff with two other guys in the back seat. That was ten years ago. Now she’s a mother to four fatherless children and I’m engaged to her beautiful ex-best friend.
#11 Focus on Me
I noticed a few missed calls from my girlfriend at the time, so I texted her saying, “Sorry, I got busy working on this nice project and I was also talking with my cousin.” Then she said, “That’s dumb.” I asked which part, and she said both. That’s when I made a chilling realization. I asked if they were “dumb” because they took my attention away from her.
She said yes. I broke up with her two days later.
#12 No Trespassing
She was out of town for a week with her mother, and her last paycheck was coming in from the job she’d just gotten fired from. She asked me to go to their house and check on her cat, as well as look to see if the check had come in the mail yet. I find the cat, snap a pic, and check the mailbox. Nothing there. Alright, whatever, I guess I’ll leave.
Then, her grandmother sees me from across the street—yes, she owned the house across the street from the family. She says it’s cool if I go in the house since they know me by this point. Okay, cool. I’ll just see if it came recently, and her dad had picked it out of the mailbox. Nope, not in the pile in the living room. Okay. Whatever. I leave.
Two days later, I get a text from her about how her family is freaking out because somebody went into their house. I ask why they freaked out, since I went into the house, and her family knew I did. Cue more freaking out and accusing me of abusing their trust to break in while they’re gone. Even though I had permission…
A week passes, the whole while I’m getting constant texts about how I’m a piece of trash for not respecting their privacy, and that her dad had a video of me going into the room where they kept their guns—even though I had no idea at the time they even HAD such a room. Also, claiming that I never had permission to enter. After a week of this, she FINALLY asks her grandma, who confirms my story that I’ve been saying the whole time.
The worst part? Then she expects me to act as if nothing happened. I was afraid I was going to get thrown in jail for a false claim when I was trying to be a good boyfriend! I tried to keep going, but I quickly realized that over that week I’d lost all sense of love and trust I felt for her. So I broke it off.
I was in an on-and-off relationship with this girl for a while. I never wanted anything serious, then disaster struck. My mom was killed and I went into a deep depression and this girl was there for me. Her mom had died of cancer about a year earlier and I guess we really bonded over that. It pushed us much further emotionally than we ever should’ve gone.
We ended up doing a courthouse marriage. I knew within the month that I had messed up. But I didn’t want to just give up and get divorced. Once the emotions of my mom’s death passed, I realized how toxic she really was. She was an incredibly unstable person and ended up just taking me into an even deeper depression.
We divorced about a year ago (after being married for about ten months), and I was immediately much happier. Marriage shouldn’t be taken lightly, but people also shouldn’t force themselves to be in unhealthy relationships. We all make mistakes. Don’t waste your life with someone that doesn’t deserve you.
#14 Now the Only Thing I’m Sick of Is You
When I was 21, I started dating this guy who was about 30. He was just awful, would insult me constantly, couldn’t take no for an answer, and was insanely jealous and suspicious. Finally, I broke up with him. His reaction was utterly chilling. He stole and broke my iPod. Then, he texted me nearly a year later to inform me that he was getting married to the perfect woman and was so much happier.
Then, six months after that, to inform me that she cheated on him and they split up. He wanted a hookup, I declined. He claimed he had nudes of me from when we dated and threatened me with them. I told him he was pathetic. He’s sporadically texted me since then, but I never reply anymore. Maybe my nudes are out there somewhere, but whatever.
#15 Those Dog-Walkers Will Get You Every Time
The signs were all there. It wasn’t so subtle, but he was being guarded with his phone, and every time I caught a glimpse of the screen while he was using it, it was the same girl. Asked who she is and it’s his friend from “dog-walking club.” Yeah right—they actually met on Tinder. He also went through my phone, and not very subtly either, because he accidentally sent random thumbs up to a lot of people on Facebook chat.
Then there was the random message from the above-mentioned girl, who had gone to the effort of looking me up and telling me to “back off her boyfriend.” There were a lot of things she didn’t know either, apparently.
#16 Inexperience Isn’t a Crime
She told me she had to break up because she was going to jail. Three days later I got a call from a friend of hers saying, “No, she broke up with you because you’re a virgin.” Years later, she has three kids and is single again. Karma is like that.
#17 What Happens in Vegas Doesn’t Always Stay There
I doubt I’ll ever get the truth on it, but my ex (we were together for six years, engaged for a year and a half) went on a work trip to Vegas, we were eight months away from our wedding, half of it was paid for (venue, videographer, photographer, flowers, and catering all had their deposits, dress was bought and paid for). When she got back from the trip, she dropped a bombshell. She said: “I don’t love you anymore.”
Kicked me out of the apartment and had a new guy move in three weeks later and got engaged to him a few months ago (about a year and a half after the split). Either she had been cheating for a while or thinking about it or both. Either way, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, while simultaneously being the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced.
I’m MUCH better off now and MUCH happier and healthier as well. I’m finally over it (almost two years later) and although she hurt me pretty freaking bad, I look back and realize that I hated myself (I was severely overweight) and wasn’t in any position to love someone the way they needed to be loved because I didn’t love myself.
Life will dump on you, and you can either wipe it off and learn from it, or sit and play in it and get used to the stench until no one wants to be around you. It’s your choice!
#18 Put it Off
When I told him that I didn’t have the money for a wedding right now and we needed to push it back a year. He said, “Well if we don’t have it now, we’ll never have it.” I suggested we just go to the justice of the peace, and he said, “No, I want a real wedding.” He and his family didn’t have the money to even help…so he expected me to pay for my own wedding by myself.
He had some friends over a few days later, and I was having a call with my bridesmaids, and I overheard him say, “Oh, I stay out of all that stuff…the wedding is for her, you know.” It was the first time that I had ever heard him outright lie to someone about something so trivial and dumb. So I did what I had to do. I broke off the engagement the next day.
I’m not trying to go into debt for one day. He finally confessed that he wanted to get married because he wanted something in his life that was secure. I was like…and what was I going to get? A bag of problems is what. I am so thankful for my wandering ears overhearing him talk to his friends.
#17 Can’t Tell the Difference
We moved into a house together and things were a little on the rocks, but I figured I could work a little harder and she would too. I had my doubts as she was a control freak and really only took what I said about things at face value—really saw that later on after we split. We had a huge fight about the living room paint color.
She said it was just awful and couldn’t put up with it. We went round and round about it for a week or so until I finally just decided I could concede on this one, but that I got to choose the bedroom color. She described it as a cream color, but like adding too much creamer to coffee. “Disgusted” was her word for it I want to say.
Anywho, I’m standing in the paint aisle on my day off and utterly exhausted from a week of work and remodeling. I’m dead ass tired and she’s combing through the paint swatches. She finds the color and we get it mixed. We end up in an argument in the car as I’m opting for bed and she wants to paint. I told her it is better to do it during the day so we can open the windows and let it air out better.
It was currently raining and I didn’t want watermarks. It escalated and grew until she finally just got so pissed that she left. I decided to be nice and start painting the opposing window wall to at least show her I heard her thoughts. I got it all mixed up and dipped the roller. Rolled over once and it all hit me at the exact same time—I was sick of her and her controlling attitude. I was done feeling like an ass for things I didn’t do wrong. I was tired of living her dream life.
You know why it hit me? That paint was the exact same damn color as the wall.
#18 Hands Off!
I knew it was over the day after we got married when he slapped me across the face. It was hard and completely out of the blue. No argument, no conversation leading up to it, nothing. He said it wasn’t that hard of a hit, he was just kidding around, and I was being overdramatic. He had never gotten violent with me while dating, but as soon as we got married it was like a switch flipped and he was a COMPLETELY different person.
It got worse very quickly, and I ended up filing for divorce 73 days after we got married.
#19 Bull in a China Shop
He was the kind that never apologized and bought people with expensive gifts every time he’d mess up. When he did that to me, I broke up with him and refused to take his gifts. He was very confused and kept asking why I wouldn’t go back to him, since he bought me so much good stuff—and didn’t understand even after I lectured him, becoming increasingly angry with my (friendly!) refusals.
Then he threw the things against the wall and rammed his head through the window. Broken glass and blood everywhere. I called an ambulance and his family, and after that, I noped out of the relationship for good. Nowadays he’s married, but our mutual friends say he’s still in love with me (and doesn’t hide it from the wife)… he asks them questions and tries to set up “accidental” encounters.
I asked them not to share information about me with him anymore.
#20 Living in an Accelerated Timeline
I got dumped. What’s remarkable about it was her method: Not telling me at all. We had been together for three or four weeks, and one day I was just coming home from work, and I saw her walking with another dude. I confronted her in front of him. I asked who he was, and she said, “Oh hey, this is my boyfriend.” I replied: “Uhmm haven’t we been in a relationship for like a month now?”
Her response made my blood run cold. She said, “Ugh I guess, but we clearly broke up yesterday evening.” I was so confused. We didn’t break up that evening; we just had a minor squabble about how we should spend more time together. I was working 12-hour shifts that week. We even kissed when I was leaving her place, and she told me, “I love you.”
I was so astounded I couldn’t even be mad. Forgot about her in a few weeks and moved on with my life.
#21 Moral of the Story
I caught my ex-fiancee on New Year’s. I posted pictures of us, exclaiming how I was excited to spend another year with her. Sadly enough, her other boyfriend saw the post I tagged her in. He was awfully upset as well. I still sympathize with him because I know how it feels. Don’t cheat on your partner. It tears people up inside.
#22 Bold Move
He told me he had to go to Minnesota for a couple of months on business but actually bought a house there and was planning on tricking me into moving there with him. He flew me out to visit a couple of weeks after he left and took me to do all the fun things. He pointed out all of the great job opportunities in the area and the great schools for kids.
A few more weeks and I visit him again and it’s the same thing, but he’s lined up an interview for me at a brewery he knows I like this time, and tells me he thinks we should move there. I told him there was zero chance of me moving to Minnesota and he freaked out and told me he already bought us a house. Needless to say, we broke up.
#23 Holiday Fling
I was blindsided. We lived together for a year, about an hour from my hometown. We relocated, upon her request, to my hometown prior to our marriage so that when we had kids, we’d be close to family. We had a house we loved, a dog we loved, jobs we both loved—or so I thought. We got married in October.
Less than a year later, she went to visit her sister over the Labor Day weekend, and I couldn’t attend due to work. She came back the Tuesday after Labor Day and told me she’s living a lie and someone else’s dream, so she needs a divorce. I had no idea. Our divorce was finalized in January. She married someone her sister was friends with, who she met on that trip I was unable to attend in September.
#24 Road Trip of Regret
My ex-wife cheated on me, lit my house on fire, took my daughter to Puerto Rico without telling me, abandoned her daughter, ran away to Barcelona and shacked up with a guy, came back and expected me to forgive her… That’s only the tip of the iceberg. Yeah, you could say that was a bad breakup.
#25 The Naked Truth
I was 17. He was my first everything, pretty much. Eight months into the relationship, lying naked in my bed, he says, “I don’t love you. I never did. I just wanted to have fun.” I’m almost 30, and I’m over it, but I still wonder what the heck made him do that.
#26 Stake Out for an Unfaithful Nurse
Had a suspicion that the wife was seeing someone else. She had been acting “off” for about a week. We would be sitting on the couch and she would get text messages claiming to be from a female friend, yet she would always set the phone face down. A few nights later she tells me that she is going to go cover a shift for a nurse co-worker who just had a miscarriage and that she would be working late.
That night I woke up out of a dead sleep with my heart racing, with just a feeling that something was wrong. I snuck over to her side of the bed, took her phone and went out into the living room to go through her text messages. Sure enough, she had detailed plans to meet up with some guy at a hotel to hook up. I took photos of the texts with my phone as future evidence.
I went back to bed, returned her phone and just laid there contemplating my next steps. I finally just laid awake for about four hours until it was time for me to get up for work. I knew they were planning on meeting in the afternoon at the hotel, so when I arrived at work I told my boss that I needed a half day and possibly a few days off afterward.
About an hour before their planned meetup time, I drove to my brother-in-law’s house. I let him know what was going on and asked to borrow his truck so that I could witness their arrival with my own eyes. He made me promise not to confront them. I showed up at the hotel parking lot and about 30 minutes later, they both arrive in his truck.
She was dressed in her work outfit. After they went in, I snuck around to his truck and deflated all his tires (not slashed because that’s a bigger crime). She had carefully planned to cover her tracks. She took our two kids to the babysitter dressed in her scrubs to appear like she is going to work. Then drove her car to the parking garage to have him pick her up there, knowing I might drive by her work to see if her car was there.
I left the hotel, went back home, piled every picture we had ever taken together along with photos of our kids on the kitchen table. I packed a bag for myself and the girls and drove down to my hometown to stay with some friends. On the way there, I called the hotel and asked to be connected to the room under her name.
She answered and I don’t remember exactly what I said, but something to the effect of “I know where you are and I know what you’re doing…” She wasn’t really phased until she heard our girls in the backseat laughing and signing. Then she broke down and begged me to come back. I told her we needed a few days away and that they deserve a better mother than her and hung up.
She called me constantly and I just sent it straight to voicemail for the next few days.
#27 It’s a Sign
We were doing long distance and had been having problems for a long time and had been trying to work through them—or staying together despite how overdue a break up was, whichever. Anyways, I flew home to visit him for his birthday and felt like I was going to have a panic attack the whole time I was there. We had some fun and didn’t fight a ton, but I was super tense.
Finally, I get back and it just felt like such a relief. A couple of months later, he was just about to visit me and we got in a fight and he threatened to cancel his trip and not come, something he did frequently when he visited. At first, I argued against the idea but then actually considered it and realized what a weight off it was.
#28 The One with the Dodgy Teammate
She was constantly complaining she didn’t have friends after moving in with me. She joined a local soccer team, and she talked about one teammate nonstop for months. I had a bad feeling about it from the get-go, but she assured me they were “just friends” and “how dare I not trust her.” I thought I was going crazy because my gut told me something wasn’t right but I was punishing myself for being a bad husband and not trusting my wife.
Turned out it was all true, she had been cheating on me with the teammate for months. Even worse? She most likely cheated on me with someone else during our engagement. We split officially as of last week, thank god.
#29 She’s a Sharp One
I drove from San Diego to Chicago in two days after my fiancé attacked me with a chef’s knife because I caught her in a lie (yes, she cheated) and told her I was leaving. She called her friends and family over, saying that I hit her, citing MY blood as evidence. Said friends and family threaten me and my family in the coming days before the threat of legal action brought it to an end.
After a few days, fiancé begs me to come back, claiming that she had stopped drinking and was taking anger management classes. In the months after I returned home, I found out more dirty details. One of the guys she cheated with threatened that he would tell me about them, so she stuck him with a paring knife.
Her “gay” friend had to go to the hospital after she slashed his neck with a broken piece of sunglasses. Also, she was arrested a few months after I left in an incident unrelated to the above for felony, domestic battery, and vandalism. She consistently emails me saying that she wants us to move forward, that we need to talk about what happened, and that we were both to blame for her cutting me.
I’ve blocked her on my phone and Facebook, where she used to send me explicit messages and beg me to come back.
#30 Not Willing to Do the Heavy Lifting
I was broken up with, but he basically made me do the breakup for him. He slowly withdrew emotionally and started to become increasingly irritable and inconsiderate. If I brought up any of these issues, he would act insulted at how I could think that of him, or say/imply maybe it was my fault for not being considerate enough of him and what he was going through.
It was so slow and incremental; it took me a long time to figure out we weren’t going through a “rough patch.” Or he wasn’t having a hard time that I needed to support him through. With my last remaining crumb of energy and self-esteem, I did what he wanted all along and did the breaking up for him, I broke my own heart.
He screamed and insulted me, stole a bunch of my stuff, and later I found out he gave me the kind of HPV that gives you cancer (which I did get, but was treated for).
#31 Who Are You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Own Eyes?
Go to the gym, no headphones! That’s cool, the house is five minutes away. Pull up in front of my house and see work buddy’s car out front. Walk in the house through the open garage. My son is coloring at kitchen table. Ask him “Hey bud, where’s your mom?” He points at the stairs. Walk to stairs to hear moans and movement.
Up to this point I had suspected the worse but never had proof. Knew I had to go look and catch her or she would say I was overreacting and tell me it wasn’t what I thought. Walk upstairs and hear them in the spare bedroom. Walk in the room and say “well this is awkward.” They freak out and try to grab clothes and tell me nothing is happening.
I walk out to my car and have ex-buddy chase me out and tell me to hit him. I go to my command (I’m in the military) the next day. Report him and have the command force him to call his wife that day and let her know. I am now divorced and much happier!
#32 Strange Encounter
We had been together for five years. She started dating someone else for the last five months of our relationship. I work night shift as a police officer and I only found out because I realized I left something at home when I left for work and went home to get it around midnight and this random guy was sleeping in my bed and my girlfriend was nowhere to be found—she was making a run to Walgreens.
#33 Why Cheat When You Can Break Up?
I knew it was a mistake about two months into our engagement. I even broke up with her for a week but didn’t tell anyone other than my parents. Something just didn’t feel right, but she was begging me every single day to rethink my decision and I felt so bad that I got back with her. We pretended like it never happened. Got married nine months later and she ended up cheating on me a little over a year into our marriage.
I still don’t understand her logic behind all that but whatever. It’s done and I’ve moved on, but I’ll never understand why she wanted me back so badly and cheated on me not even two years later.
#34 Spare Some Change
At a food festival, standing in line for like ten minutes for some French toast thing. He ordered first and got his food, but when it was my turn, I realized it was cash only, but I only had my debit card. He turned to me and basically yelled, “Wow, what are you going to do?” After being together for ten months, cohabitating, and splitting everything 50/50, even though his salary was double mine, he wasn’t willing to spot me $5 for French toast, and he had to call attention to it loudly in front of the whole line.
Then we walked away from the vendor with him chomping down on his French toast and me empty-handed. It seems trivial, but if I had just stood in line with someone I love or even a good friend, I would have just covered them. It gave me the impression that he would never really have my back. I could never see him the same after that, and we broke up the next month.
#35 Casper the Ghost
I dated a guy I worked with at a restaurant. He was a bartender and I was a server. We’d hooked up after a few months of heavy flirting. It was extremely casual (I thought) and only went on for a few weeks. Then, for reasons unknown but likely mundane (like he liked someone else, I believe) he decided to call it quits, but his method for doing this was to “ghost” me, as in to quit responding and otherwise acknowledging that I exist.
Now, that is doable when you communicate mostly by phone/email to get together, but WE WORKED TOGETHER, on the same shift! So this ghosting would result in bizarre instances where he would work service bar, I would ring up drinks for my tables, and he would stand there and act like I didn’t exist, standing there right in front of him and asking him to make the drinks I rang up, which he wouldn’t do because that would break the illusion that I didn’t exist.
This inexplicable behavior went on for weeks. Someone must have finally asked him why he was acting so weird because after several weeks he finally sat me down and gave me this overly wordy apology about how he hoped I wasn’t too crushed and heartbroken, but he didn’t see us working out. I informed him that I was never heartbroken as our time together was never very serious. He seemed let down at my lack of pining away for our lost love.
Anyway, literally a week after that conversation, I met and started dating the man who would eventually be my husband. The girl the previous guy liked dated him briefly, then ghosted him (and quit too, so it was actual ghosting, not pretend) so he tried to revive our heavy flirting routine to no avail. It wasn’t the most psycho experience, but considering we were all grown adults in our late 20s at the time, it was just bizarre.
#36 Close Call But No Call
I got really sick last March out of nowhere, and doctors initially thought it could’ve been colon cancer. I was only 23, so this obviously had me shaken to my very core. They expedited everything and about a week after I first went in for my symptoms, I was getting put under for them to take a closer look and get biopsies.
My girlfriend knew what time the procedure was and roughly how long it would last. When I came to, I turned my phone on and was blown up from friends all over the US, and the world—so the middle of the night for them—asking me what the results were and how I was doing. No text from my girlfriend. About an hour later she texted me saying, “Are you serious?” and I asked what she was talking about.
She responded that someone dinged her car door at work. I didn’t respond. She then asked me how the procedure went and what the results were. She knew I was upset and said she figured I’d just tell her later. With my symptoms, the doctor’s told us if it was colon cancer, it would have to be pretty bad at this point, but yet she was fine with waiting an entire day to hear how I was. Luckily it wasn’t cancer.
I broke up with her not long after.
#37 Gotta Go Fast
I broke up with her at her house, but she decided to follow/race me back to mine. As we were both driving, she sped past me going 20 MPH over the limit in the wrong lane trying to get to my place first. She almost got into a head-on collision with another car. We get back to my house. I’m trying to figure out how the heck to get rid of her without hurting herself/me/my property.
After she yells at me for an hour or so, cries, smacks herself, tells me not to do this, etc. she grabs a box of Nerds from the coffee table and hurls it at me. She missed me, but the box of Nerds exploded into my couch. She stormed off…and then basically harassed and stalked me for months. Plus, there are still Nerds in that couch.
#38 A Long-Term Relationship is Worth Long Distance Calling
I dated a guy for one month short of three years. Everyone, including me, thought we’d be a forever couple. He talked about engagement and marriage within the first eight months—right up to A WEEK before it all ended. We were lying in bed, and he told me, “I can’t wait to be engaged by this time next year.” Fast forward a week.
Everything was normal, we went on a nice date night, he spent a couple of nights at my house, and went home. Everything seemed fine. We texted like we always did for a few days until he said he needed to discuss something. Long story short, he texted that he needed a break. I said I understood and would respect that.
A week later he calls me and says, “You aren’t going to like what I have to say.” I asked if he was breaking up with me and he said yes. Dated for almost three years, and you break up over the phone? I asked if there was a reason. “I haven’t loved you for the past six months.”
#39 Way to Break the Relationship
I was on a “break” with my girlfriend at the time. Got a text from a girl that I had mutual friends with and we knew each other kind of well—started having dirty conversations, talking about sleeping together, etc. Turns out my girlfriend had gotten a burner phone with a different number and was the one sending me the texts the whole time. She was not pleased.
The breakup was not pretty.
Less than a year into actively trying to get pregnant, my husband got discouraged, gave up and started staying out until 4:15 am with his “coworker.” He posted selfies on her couch on Snapchat and even went as far as asking her to marry him once he could get rid of me. He had two biological children (my step-children) that he abandoned at home with me while he was out doing this.
But that’s not even the worst part. The icing on the cake was that on my favorite holiday while holding my brand-new baby nephew in front of his entire family, he told me he wanted a divorce. I was gone in two weeks, left everything to him, and vanished. New number, new address, everything. Best choice I ever made.
#41 Sharing Is Caring
I got dumped in the worst way. She was moving to another city four hours away and tried to keep it a secret until the last minute when I overheard one of her family members talk about it. She could have just told me and worked it out.
#42 Points for Preparation
I don’t have any great stories—but I did get a “Please take me back” speech that she had written on no less than 15 index cards from which she read it. Writing on both front and back. There were footnotes and additional scribbling on the sides.
#43 Should She Stay or Should She Go?
She dropped around to my place hours later than she said she was going to on a Saturday, which was a common theme with her. Sensing I was annoyed despite me trying to deny it, she hits me with, “No, I think you’re upset because you know I can’t be your partner anymore.” Okay…that’s news to me, but okay…so we talk about it for the rest of the afternoon.
It’s now Saturday night. We hang out. She stays the night. She initiates sex. We fall asleep. She hangs around on Sunday…all day. It’s now Sunday night. No sex, but we sleep together. I wake up on Monday, leave her at my house and go to work. I get through work, go home, and she’s STILL THERE. I’m confused as heck at this point and tell her kindly that I might need a bit of alone time to process things and she gets offended.
Weirdest and saddest weekend of my life.
#44 A Conversation Waiting to Be Discovered
I picked up his phone to change the channel on Chromecast. It unlocked and opened the Messenger app where he was making plans with my roommate to hook up while I was at work the next day.
#45 What a Creep!
I think I knew for a while, but I finally admitted it after I had left. He was abusive and it happened so slowly that I didn’t see it. It’s almost like being lulled to sleep. It started emotionally before I married him. Then, about six months later, the physical abuse had started. Shortly after, it progressed to intimate abuse as well. Long story short, a close friend saw some bruising. She was concerned and went to my parents.
My dad confronted my ex and basically forced me to leave with them. At the time, I was so brainwashed I didn’t get it. It’s scary to look back on how out of it I truly was during that period of time. It almost feels like I was an observer of my own life. Seven years and a lot of therapy later, I am in a much healthier place and in a happy, healthy relationship.
#46 Tell Her How You Really Feel
Seven hours before I had a big test, she wanted to argue. There was no “not” arguing with her. If you stayed quiet, she kept going. If you disagreed, she kept going. If you took her side, you were lying. Two hours into the fight, I tried to ignore her and go to bed. She told me to admit we’re through. Might this be a way out? I said yes.
She started questioning if I was serious so I had to lay it out, “Yes, we’re done, I’m sick of this, we are done, we’re over, you’re moving, we’re done. Now go pretend to sleep on the couch for 15 minutes before coming back in here and yelling more about how I didn’t come rescue you from the couch. Yes I know you that well and I’m sick of all your BS, go sleep in your car, I don’t care, we are 100% done, I’m going to sleep before you ruin my final tomorrow, WE ARE DONE!”
#47 Pawn Stars
When I was a senior in high school, I broke up with my boyfriend. He had recently given me an (ugly) “I love you” necklace. After we broke up he asked for it back. I was out of town and said I’d give it back to him when I got home.
He started leaving rude voicemail messages on my phone, so I was like, screw you I’m not giving back the necklace. So I told him I pawned it, and backlash ensued. More crazy phone calls. He had his crazy flavor of the week call me and cuss me out. Then HIS DAD started calling me and threatening me. Lots of crazy over an ugly fake gold necklace.
#48 A Tale of Two Babies
This was many, many years ago… Lying in bed post-lovemaking, as we were both in a loving mood, I tell him that I’d found out that day I was pregnant. He kind of laughs, I ask what was so funny and he says, “Kerry told me today she is pregnant” (he was 21 training to be a chef; Kerry was 18 and just starting training to be a chef).
I asked why that was funny and he says it’s because it’s his. I got up, got dressed and went home. Spent days crying on my mum’s shoulder. Two months later, they got married, Her parents had insisted. He and I had been together just over a year (he had been seeing her for a month on the side). My daughter is the absolute love of my life, he decided to cut all parental ties with her before she was born.
Kerry and her parents wanted it that way. My mum was an absolute rock for me those first few years.
#49 Get Your Head in the Game
We went out to lunch, she wasn’t even able to hold a conversation. I had to repeat myself multiple times because she was so enticed in whatever hilarious thing she was reading. I asked her what was so funny and she just kept saying nothing. As I was on my way to dropping her off at her place, her phone, sitting in the cupholder, started ringing.
The number wasn’t registered in her contacts. I went to answer it expecting a telemarketer or someone who simply had the wrong number with the intent of messing with them to have some fun. I went to grab the phone. She has never had a problem with me answering calls like that before, she even found it entertaining. Anyways she freaking attacked me, started screaming at me, and ripped the phone from my hand.
We didn’t speak for the rest of the ride, needless to say, it was obvious what was going on. Shame. Turns out it was my only friend at the time. Lost two people I thought I could trust that day.
#50 The Heart Knows What it Wants
I knew something was off before the wedding. I even made a joke the night before that worst case I get divorced right? Kudos to my Pops. He said if I wanted to, we could just say call it off, but I thought I was being irrational. A year later I left my ex and never went back. On our one-year anniversary I wasn’t putting out fast enough, so he tried to assault me, changed his mind, then threw me into a wall.
Lots of emotional abuse before then and there was a lot of gaslighting. So, lesson learned. But that was a lot of years ago. I got divorced, went back to school to get my degree and got counseling. Now I’m married again. This time I didn’t have any second thoughts at any point. Marrying my current partner is the best decision I ever made.
I felt I had to add the happy ending here.
#51 Don’t Keep Secrets
We were apartment hunting and we agreed on trying to find a two-bedroom so that I could have an office—extra space was really important to me for various reasons. We found a great apartment that I absolutely loved but it was way over budget so we couldn’t get it. But the landlord called after we turned it down and was willing to give us an amazing deal because he knew us.
Only I didn’t know this because my boyfriend secretly turned down the offer and we ended up moving into a tiny and expensive one-bedroom. Turns out he liked the renovations in the small apartment and didn’t think my need for space was worth giving that up, so he made the executive decision without me. Didn’t tell me about it until we officially signed the lease so there was no backing out.
A little hard to trust him after that.
#52 The Real Ex-Files
He tried to convince me that while on a camping trip with his cousin, they came across a dead “bigfoot.” While poking the bigfoot with a stick, people in decon suits from the CIA came upon them and made them leave the woods because it was top secret info, blah blah blah. He then proceeded to tell me that the CIA began following him, and they recruited him to carry out hitman-type missions for them.
He wasn’t a teenager when he did this. He was 25. No, he is not schizophrenic. He is, however, a sociopath and a conspiracy theorist. When I dumped him, he stalked me and almost got me fired from my job. He would call my department non-stop and hang up if anyone but me answered the phone. He’d drive around the parking lot and blow up my work phone and cell.
He sent creepy letters to a guy I was seeing. He’d show up to a local bar I hung out at…. he lived 45 miles away and had no friends in my town.
#53 The Meet the Parents Franchise Gets Dark
His mom made a birthday meal for me. The night before the meal, he verified what kind of cake and frosting I wanted to have. On the day of, he was being dodgy over text about not wanting to go his parents’ place to eat. Since I knew they made a special dish just for me, I showed up on the time we had agreed to beforehand.
Barely five minutes after I arrived, he showed up in a state of distress. He accepted a phone call from his ex-fiancé and left me with his parents for ten minutes while talking to her in a different room. When he got off the phone call, he came over to me, looked me straight in the eyes and told me, “This is a nightmare.”
I got up and thanked his parents for preparing the meal (that hadn’t yet been served) and asked him to come outside with me. He dumped me on the driveway of his parents’ house at my own birthday celebration.
#54 A Not So Holly Jolly Christmas
My fiancé left me two days before Christmas. She told me she needed to move out for a bit and get space. That she was moving to her friend’s house. This went on for a week, until, because we have a family Apple plan, I looked up her location. And she was not at her friend’s house. I’m now a single dad of a one-year-old and she’s moving out West with him…
#55 House of Cards
I knew things were off when we were looking to buy our first house and he basically wanted to buy the first place that had four walls and a roof, while I wanted us to take our time and find the right place. When I put the kibosh on a house that was overpriced and flooded four times in the past he pouted and gave me the silent treatment for a week.
Finding out he was chatting with other girls and confessing his feelings for a co-worker behind my back was just the icing on the cake.
#56 Before It’s Too Late
I was planning/saving for my very first vacation after a hard-earned promotion and he wasn’t saving anything or really caring. I realized I’d have an unenthusiastic lump tagging along on something really important to me. I knew deep down he’d sour the entire experience, so I ended it. A lot of other issues going on as well, but this made it crystal clear.
I actually had a voice in my head saying, “He’ll ruin it.”
An ex of mine once wouldn’t stop tickling me and when I asked why, she said, “I’m trying to get you to punch me!” It wasn’t her kink or anything apparently? She just wanted to see how far she would have to push me before I snapped, and was really disappointed to discover I would never hit her. We broke up that night.
#58 And They All Lived Never After
He waited until I was at work. Him and my coworker, who had met the night before when I introduced them, decided they were in love. They went into my apartment and stole some of my stuff. She stole my clothes and they moved into a tent together. He then got her pregnant. One day, he had his friend call me and ask if he could come back.
She was now using substances and not taking care of their baby. He wanted me to take him and the baby back. I said you ever call me again, I will call your girlfriend and tell her. I never heard from him again.
#59 Is the Excuse Any Better Than the Crime?
I found a condom that was clearly used. He ended up blaming it on his mother, who didn’t live there. Happy to call that jerk an ex.
#60 Outted by Pie
A friend of mine was married to this guy for six months. He seemed like a nice guy. He had a violent history and spent a few years in jail, but she claimed he had changed. After six months, she learned that she was so, so wrong. He threw a knife at her because she didn’t want him to eat a pie she had just baked. Later, she learned that he was also regularly poisoning her dog.
The dog survived and is fine, but the marriage, not so much.
#61 Drama Alert
She started telling me how she had to defend me to my friends after I had to miss watching a show with them to go into work. My friends told me that wasn’t true and she spent the entire time trash-talking me.
#62 Scarface Is Less Cool IRL
My craziest ex became a pretty big dealer while we were together. He really loved it too. Like this guy grew up watching gangster films and genuinely got off on the idea of the adrenaline rush of being constantly paranoid, avoiding cops, and the bouts of violence. It all happened so fast that I didn’t realize how crazy everything was until I hear myself say it aloud.
He had guns everywhere, carried them all the time. He would completely lose his mind when he was angry. He kicked a guy in the face for harassing me and successfully scared everyone we knew. Nobody would look at me a second too long after that. I couldn’t do anything without him knowing about it. If I left his apartment after an argument he’d drive all over looking for me during which time he’d go from screaming profanities to crying and begging forgiveness from the street, from his car, over the phone.
He also had PTSD, which enhanced paranoia over everything. If you can imagine waking up to your loved one facing the door with a gun in his hand ready to kill the next person that knocked, welcome to my life. I was astonishingly calm throughout it all. I guess I forgave most of it over the PTSD, which I really wanted to help him get past. He didn’t sell substances in the beginning.
It was the bulk of why we broke up. He was actually really great at first. We really loved each other. Last I heard he was living the dream and getting into serious trouble.
#63 We’ve All Juggled Multiple Chats
He picked me up to stay at his place for the night. Then, he spent the entire night on MSN talking to some other girl right in front of me. When I mentioned that it was a bit messed up, he said he’d be done in a minute and asked me to get him a drink and he’d shut the computer off. When I came back upstairs, he’d locked his bedroom door.
I knocked and asked him to let me in he told me to shut up and that he was trying to sleep. I asked him to take me home and he ignored me. I only had a couple of quid on me until the next day (payday) so I couldn’t afford a taxi home and it was too late to get a bus back to where I lived. Too far to walk as well, so I just went and slept on his couch, no blanket or anything, so I was freezing.
About 2 AM his alcoholic mother came crashing in and sat on me. I wouldn’t have stayed with him after all this BS, but I think he was definitely the one who initiated this entire scenario. We weren’t together that long really so it didn’t bother me too much, but it was still a horrible way to get canceled.
Was dating a girl in college and didn’t think she was cheating. Another guy she was dating thought she was. He found my info in her phone and texts me about it. He wants to confront her. We both meet up at her place while she isn’t home. He’s a nice guy and we honestly got along pretty well for the half-hour we talked before she arrived.
She saw us both as she drove up and the look on her face was priceless. By the time she got out of her car she was crying but didn’t say a word to us. We went in her apartment and her roommate acted as the mediator but it didn’t really get anywhere. Me and the other guy were pissed and wanted answers. We weren’t getting any so we both gave her some choice words and rolled out.
#65 If I May
I realized it was a mistake when I started to see that I was “supposed to ask” before I went and did anything. Like, at all. Anything that did not involve being at home or going to work, I had to make sure the wife was okay with it. I lost a lot of friends in the year we were married. I started to do things for myself, and it just became awful. I am, thankfully, in a much better place now.
I am still un-learning a lot of stuff that my ex bored into my head, but things are progressing. Slowly, but surely.
#66 Pull Your Weight
I always felt like I worked more for us, for a healthy relationship, food on the table, a nice place including cleaning it, laundry, taking care of the cat, getting groceries, insurance etc. than he did. While doing that, I was studying full time and working part-time. My grades weren’t the best because of that. I was jobless for a month once in seven years, and in that month I worked two days during exam time to have some extra money for groceries—example for how much I cared about getting the ends to meet.
He was also studying and working, most of the time, but was always late for classes and work, and had issues with assignments and colleagues. I constantly worried if he was there on time. For seven and a half years, we had our ups and downs, and every year there would be a crisis and I would think, “It’s gonna get better again, it’s just a phase.”
After seven and a half years, he manages to finish his formation and has three months free until he starts studying again. I am already paying all our common bills at the time—rent, groceries for two. He’s at home, playing videogames. I am working almost full-time now. I actually have to tell him to take care of the place, as he has no obligations right now.
We therefore get in a fight where I tell him that I’m tired of paying for everything and getting nothing in return. I ask him if he could at least work part-time for these three months as a cashier or something. He didn’t want to because he would be selling himself under his true value. That was it for me. I had no feelings left for him and didn’t have the strength to continue sacrificing myself for us and get absolutely nothing in return.
He also didn’t see the breakup coming and it hit him very hard. I felt relieved and so much lighter directly afterward.
#67 On the Road Again
Years ago, I had a girlfriend I was dating for a few months, had to break it off. I go for coffee to give her the news and four hours later, she’s trying to throw herself out of my car at 80 KPH. We went from coffee shop to a parking lot where she cried more, then I started driving, pulled over again, so she could wail more. I felt like Kramer in that Seinfeld episode. It just went on and on.
Then came the threats…”I’m gonna hurt myself without you” “Screw this life!” Finally, I called her friend and told her to come pick her up. I start driving her to the pickup spot, and she’s screaming and I’m driving, all of a sudden, she pulls off her seatbelt and opens the door. So now I’m driving with one hand and holding her in with the other.
I had to scream to a stop in the middle of the road while she ran through a ravine. Saw her friend, told her what happened, and her response was maybe you should let her cool off….yeah really, Sherlock?
#68 The Heart Sometimes Lies
“I never loved you, I don’t love you, and I never will. You’re not worth 10 seconds of my time.” This was after a year of telling me I was #1, that he loved me and would always love me, that I was the one person he wanted to talk to every single day. He had never felt this way about anyone before, he’d take a bullet for me, his heart would beat so fast and hands would sweat when he was with me because he was nervous, he promised forever, etc.
He swore on his mother’s life, he swore to God, etc…then we hooked up, he gave me genital herpes and ghosted me. He was the second partner I’ve ever had, and I used condoms with the first. Anyway, when I cried and begged for an explanation, that was the response. I spent the next year literally crying every single day, multiple times a day.
#69 Google Knows Everything
I signed into her Google Account to check her emails. She forgot her password so I had to reset it. I checked her Google Maps history and her most recent visits were at my best friend’s house while I was away for work. +1 for Google Maps.
#70 Too Late
I knew this relationship wouldn’t work after probably four months into it. We had some discussions about him being home late without letting me know, which made me worried, and I’m not the jealous type. One day he just didn’t come home all night and I was worried sick. I couldn’t sleep all night thinking something bad had happened to him, but also started gathering all my stuff. There was no excuse in the world that I could accept if he was okay.
He called me at like five in the morning and said he went to a friend’s place (male friend) and forgot to call. So, I took all my things and left for a friend’s (female) house too. That was the beginning of the end. This happened seven years ago. Now I’ve been with someone wonderful for five years. Feels like closing a chapter.
#71 Set Up to Fail
Pretended to be upset with me because of something I said, made it escalate into a fight, and then broke all contact with me. A few weeks later, one of her friends told me she was seeing someone else and didn’t know how to break it to me, so instead, she just framed it as if I messed up so that she had a reason to break contact with me.
#72 Keeping This One Would Be Worse for Your Health
I was sick in bed. He said he was coming over to drop off some of the stuff that I left at his house on his lunch break. He comes in, wakes me up, and says he is dumping me. I’m naked, blind (no contacts), and confused. I ask him if we can talk about it, and he replies, “No, I’m on my lunch break, I have to get to work.” Leaves his key and leaves.
Later that evening, I am taken to the hospital and diagnosed with appendicitis and scheduled for an appendectomy. Oh yeah, he accused me of faking being sick. He’s a jerk though, I lucked out big time.
#73 A Matter of Public Interest
So, I broke up with someone. I was at university, and I knew the whole time he was cheating on me. I went home for my sister’s birthday, wanted to devote myself to both my sisters and took them for a meal. He turns up and started telling me that he felt like he wasn’t a part of my life because I didn’t invite him to my sisters’ meal.
I got a call from my best friend, her breaking down on the phone telling me that she was having a miscarriage, so when we had finished the meal I went straight up there. I stayed the night at her place because she was hysterical. I got texts the whole time saying how I prefer to see my sisters and best friend more than him, I explained that I had reason to see my friend and reason to see my sisters.
He had stayed at my parents the whole time, and the next day he forced himself on me for not wanting to have sex and that the reason for this is that I “must be cheating on him.” I spent the next day in my room crying while he sat with my parents, I jumped on the opportunity of getting back to uni a day earlier than scheduled.
My friend J knew something was wrong, I told him everything, he got all of our friends together in my flat and they all sat around me while I called him and broke up with him. They listened to everything he said to me, telling me I was cheating on him, how I was only with him for money (he was jobless and technically homeless), and generally manipulating me. The phone call ended, and all of my friends cuddled me.
I then got a call from my dad, accusing me of cheating and that I was not a good daughter and didn’t talk to me for about a month. My ex still comes around, still tells people we’re together even though it’s been over two and a half years. I’ve now been in a relationship for over a year, but no one knows because everyone loves my ex and no one can be as good as him.
I went to see a counselor because of all of this and she just said “Damn…” and that she couldn’t help me. It’s the most horrific breakup because it’s just still happening. I’m over it. Everyone else isn’t.
#74 Don’t Save the Date
Background: we were both in our 40s. She cheated on me (only found out three years later when she posted the date of her anniversary with him) and ended it with me to go out with him because he was all excited to get married to her. I wanted to wait until her kids from a prior marriage graduated from college. They were engaged a little over a year later.
Funny ending. Since we were never married, but I was providing significant financial support to her, she lost all access to any of my income after she ended the relationship. My guess is he discovered after two or three years that he had made a mistake because he refused to set a wedding date. Around the year that we were originally scheduled to get married, they broke up.
#75 Gone, Baby, Gone
He acted like we were nothing. He developed a real nasty attitude towards me. When I had enough and asked him why he was treating me this way, he finally cracked. He got another girl pregnant and didn’t know how to tell me. He figured that if he pushed me away then he wouldn’t have to do it. It only hurt even more.
#76 I’ll Transfer Your Call
She had her stepsister call my parents’ phone (didn’t have a cell phone then) to break up with me. Except my dad answered so she told him it was over. He simply said, “I think you want to talk to my son.” Looking back, I think it’s hilarious.
#77 In It for the U-Haul
I was 21, came home from work and everything was gone. She left a milk crate, the tiny tv, a trash can, and the box spring to the mattress. I didn’t actually know that she left me, so I called the cops and told them that someone stole everything, including my girlfriend. I was pretty hysterical, but the 911 operator was able to calm me down and inform me that my girlfriend most likely left me.
#78 No Trading in for an Older Model
After three years, my girlfriend decided to tell me that the only reason she was with me was that she loved my older brother and wanted to come over to see him. My brother had no idea and was just as mad as I was.
#79 Bon Voyage!
Not me, but a girl I know married a guy from another continent. They’d been living together for a few months when she came home from work one day to find all his stuff gone. She couldn’t figure out what happened to him so eventually called the police, they investigated and informed her that he’d boarded a flight back to his native country.
#80 Taking a Page from The Book of Homer
An email that said, “Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.” Funny on The Simpsons, less funny in real life.
#81 Apologetic at the Altar
Four weeks before our wedding, having to do the breaking up for him because he just sat there hanging his head not saying anything but “I’m sorry” and occasionally wiping his eyes as if he was crying, but his eyes were totally dry.
#82 No Good Can Come From Santa
This was Christmas 2014. It was a long-distance relationship, so she drove out to see me. It was December 23rd, and I was flying back to Virginia to visit family. I left VA the year before. So, she was with me for the week, then she took me to the airport and drove home. When we got out of the car, I told her I loved her and she said it back, we kissed, hugged, hooked up, then I left.
I land in Virginia, and I get a text from her saying it’s over because my dad makes a lot of money and we just grew up in two different worlds. Fast forward to Christmas 2015: I’m with a girl who lives like five miles away from where I live. I just had a gut feeling things were going to end while I was in VA for the holidays. The day after Christmas, she breaks up with me.
I’ve learned one lesson from this, don’t go to Virginia for Christmas.
#83 Logged Onto Another Account
Took her to a club; she left with a friend of a friend. Years later, we decided to give it another go. Lived together, the whole nine yards. Eventually, we ended up engaged, and she said she didn’t want to do anything physical til we were married. I was fine with that…until she cheated on me with some random dude from Yahoo chat.
I called her up and said, “You have a half-hour to get your stuff and get out.” I haven’t spoken to her since, and that was in 2004. I am now happily married (to someone else) just celebrated my 10-year anniversary.
#84 Not Every Heartbreak is a Matter of Human Resources
Obligatory “not me,” but a close friend got dumped in a way that was so spectacularly awful I can’t not mention it. Said friend ended up in a relationship with a co-worker. I only met the guy once, but he was a bit…off. Early thirties and had never moved out of his parents’ house, while the person he was seeing was just newly 18 when they started.
Anyway, everything was fine with them at first, and then one day she just stopped hearing from him. Turned out he had decided he wasn’t keen on the relationship. Unfortunately, he got advice from some utter psychopath (I’m reasonably sure it was one of his parents, as he didn’t have any other friends, but can’t be sure) on how to do so.
So, he decided the best way to dump her was to accuse her of sexual harassment. She got a meeting with HR, which was pretty unpleasant as you can imagine, and it turned out he had come out with a bunch of pretty horrific allegations. She almost lost her job, and everyone assumed she was a predator for a while, which drove her to some really dark places.
It all blew over when it became apparent his accusations were all bull because he kept on changing his story, coming out with details that didn’t make sense, and at one point sexually harassing her while this was all going on. I believe he was fired, and she never heard from him again, but it’s taken her a long time to recover from it.
It’s been about four years now and I’m still genuinely aghast at it.
#85 Playing House While You Were Away
We had been dating for two and a half years. I bought a plane ticket to Seattle for him (we lived in NY), so he could go visit his family because he hadn’t seen them in a while. When he left, a week later he said he was going to stay another two weeks because his grandma wasn’t doing well. Two weeks turned into a phone call while I was at work (taking care of a special needs girl), saying he knocked a chick up and wasn’t coming back.
#86 Doctor’s Orders
Back in college, I had a girlfriend break up with me through my therapist. Came to therapy and was told by the therapist my girlfriend didn’t want to see me anymore. I told the therapist how unprofessional this was, and then broke up with my therapist.
#87 Something Else Needs an Extraction
I was in 11th grade. I had just got my tonsils out. That hurts by itself. But the medicine they gave me made me throw up and that made my mouth hurt even worse…So, my awesome grandma, who was taking me home from the hospital, sees that I’m having one of the worst days of my life, and takes me to get an ice-cold smoothie to help my mouth. I get my smoothie and take the first drink. Sooo good.
And then I get a text. It was my awesome girlfriend. But this wasn’t an awesome text. She told me…over text…that she was leaving me for this other guy and that she never wants to talk to me again. So out of the blue. Or maybe I’m just oblivious. Either way, I couldn’t truly enjoy my smoothie and my bad day got worse…
Bonus: a week later she sent me a picture of them having sex. I punched a hole in my wall.
#88 You’ll Always Be Third in This Equation
He cheated on me with another guy. And being as blinded by love as I was, I told him I’d take him back. Apparently, people that had seen them together talked and he went ahead and blamed it all on me. He made sure to make me look like a jerk when, in fact, I was the only one on his side. After all this, he said she said stuff, I finally told him: “If you love me, let’s make this work.”
His response? “You’re so immature.” I was so hurt. What hurt me to my core was that a week before stuff went down, he had come to talk to my dad to ask for my hand in marriage. Two weeks after the “you’re so immature” conversation, I found out he had been engaged the entire time he was dating me. His fiancée just happened to live in Colorado. Less than a year later, they got married.
It took me freaking years to move on.
#89 Love is Bad for Your Furniture
I kind of did the breaking up, but the reaction I received was definitely what I’d class as the worst breakup I’ve had. I had only dated this girl for two weeks, but things were moving rather quickly for my liking. She had already thrown out the “L” word despite us having only ever made out, not even had sex and had only been on two dates.
We were on the couch at her place with her straddling me and making out, she kept repeating how much she loved me, and I freaked out. I told her I think we need to slow down and get some space in an attempt to control the pace of the relationship a bit. I didn’t want to break up with her though as she was hot and fun to be around.
She responded incredibly well to that, saying she understands and, “Would you like some space now?” to which I replied, “I would, but I still want to continue the relationship, this isn’t me breaking up with you I promise.” Her head sank a little and her eyes saddened as I got up to leave and I reassured her I definitely wanted to continue the relationship just at a slower pace. I reached the living room door to exit the room and a lamp hurtled past my head smashing against the wall.
I had no freaking clue what was going on, as two seconds ago everything seemed civil and calm. I just started whipping my head back and forth between her and the smashed lamp, trying to process what the heck just happened. Evidently, I was now the target for a closet lunatic. She sprinted across the room towards me at alarming speeds and jumped, extending her knee towards me and directly making contact with my chest.
This 5’4″ 95-pound girl took me out (6’1” 190-pound) with one swift move, sending me onto my back as she landed on top of me. I put my hands on her shoulders to push her up and off of me but she latched on to my beard with one hand and shirt with the other, aggressively pulling on both. Despite my pushing her harder and harder, she would not let go of my beard.
I made the only decision I could think of at the time that would successfully get her to stop, so I grabbed her boob and twisted. This understandably shocked her, so she let go long enough for me to give her a proper shove up and off of me and I ran out the door. She didn’t pursue me out of the house, thank god, but the following day she texted me as if nothing happened after the conversation about taking things slow. She says wants to continue dating as well and agreed we should take things slower.
Naturally, I responded with, “Screw this, I’m out” and I didn’t hear from her for two weeks, after which, at 2 o’clock in the morning, she drunk-bootie called me. I’m not proud of myself, but I hadn’t had sex for about six months prior to this, so I obliged.
#90 Breaking My Heart and My Bank
She asked me to buy her a few gifts. I got them and dropped them off at her place while she was at work. When she got home she said thanks, but she had been doing some thinking and felt it was time we saw other people. But at least she said thanks.
#91 I’m Taking All of You With Me
When I was in Korea, my wife at the time told me over Skype that we’d drifted apart and she wanted to separate. So, she takes the powers of attorney I had given her, packs up everything out of the house that she wants, regardless of who it belongs to, uses my bank account to pay for the U-Haul and all the moving expenses, sells the house, has one dog put to sleep, takes the other to the SPCA, and disappears.
Eventually I learn that she’d been planning to leave ever since I came down on orders. Oh, and she was a textbook psychopath and a compulsive liar. By the way, she actually never had (and beat) cancer before I met her. For SEVEN YEARS I kept asking her to see the doctor and make sure she’s still cancer-free. I’ve seen people I love die from cancer and it’s horrible.
FOR SEVEN YEARS she’d lied to me about having had cancer and watched while I worried myself sick about it coming back. So glad to be rid of that lunatic.
#92 Listen to Mother Nature
When I was about 11, my best friend and I lived in the same village and he was dating a girl who lived about half a mile up the road. He told me he wanted to dump her, so he invited her to meet him at the spot where we would hang most evenings after school. He and I hid in a nearby hedge until she arrived. He shouted from the hedge, “You’re dumped.”
Her face turned red, she started to cry, turned around, and walked home. 22 years later, he still feels guilty.
#93 Worth Making the Distance to Keep the Distance
She traveled five hours by train to see me…only to get my house and say that she doesn’t love me and that she wants to break up. She leaves, I cry for about 15 minutes then call my best friend and ask if he can come over with some beers so I’m not home alone all weekend. I hear her in the background asking him something.
Yup, she traveled five hours to break up with me so she could screw my best friend without feeling guilty about it. I no longer talk to him.
#94 Let’s See Other Patients
She cheated on me with five different women in 10 days. Whilst I was in the hospital. Having brain surgery. She dumped me two days after I came out of hospital, while at her parents’ house, on Christmas Day.
#95 Watch Out Where You Put a Ring On It
High school. I’m dating a guy who is out of high school. I worked at a Dairy Queen. A girl from my school comes through the drive-thru. As I’m handing her the order, I see that the very distinct ring I gave my boyfriend is on her finger. I have to admit: it took me a minute because I was confused about how she could have this ring.
I finally snapped to and asked her, “Did Bob give you that ring?” She said yes and how did I know? “Because I gave it to him. He’s my boyfriend.” She immediately took it off, gave it to me and left. A few minutes later, my “boyfriend” comes flying in the door and starts yelling at me for “getting him in trouble.” Yeah, I know how to pick ’em.
As he continues to yell at me, I’m just staring at him with all the anger that’s in me. A friend of his (Mike) happened to be sitting in the dining room and Mike comes up the counter and whispers something to Bob. They both go outside. Bob comes back in and sheepishly says, “Mike said if I didn’t apologize to you, he’d beat my butt.”
I have to admit having Bob’s friend, Mike, who I barely knew, stand up for me was one of the best things that ever happened to me. And yes, Mike and I started dating. He was a really nice guy.
#96 A Match Made in Malpractice
Started by showing up while I was in the hospital and saying they would give me a ride home, so my foster-mom went home. Then stormed out after sitting with me for hours and telling my doctor I didn’t need pain meds. Why did he storm out? My exam was “too sexual” for him. He couldn’t handle that my doctor was a man, but also laughed at the idea of a female doctor.
Came back two hours later after I finally cracked and asked for meds. Right as the doctor came in with the meds. Yelled at me for being weak and putting poisons in my body. Stormed back out. Never came back, and the next day texted me to say that my health was too stressful for him. Then showed up at my house while I was at a doctor’s appointment. He then accused me of cheating on him because I wasn’t home.
He also cheated on me. Probably a lot. And assaulted me, which led to some of the health problems I was dealing with that day. Overall… I hope you crash the piece of crap motorcycle you planned on using to take me home.
#97 A Heart is Not a Home
I was dating this girl for about half a year, she moves out of town. She keeps asking me to come live with her because I’m not in a good situation where I currently live. After one really bad weekend of intense, depression-fueled pain killer use, she drives down and, along with some friends, convinces me to move in with her.
I pack all my stuff that day and go to her place for a week to find a job, on the condition that I go back for two weeks to finish up my job and get paperwork and stuff in order. Roommate is mad as hell, makes me leave my dog to him. I get there, and the whole week she’s a completely different person. Unaffectionate, rude, meaner than I ever have seen her.
I remember quietly crying the last night I was there, not knowing what I was going to do. She then tells me that I can’t leave any of my belongings with her because her family will be visiting and her dad still pays for her apartment, so I have to take it all back to my hometown with me for the two weeks til she breaks it to her family.
So, I drag all my stuff back to my hometown and crash with my coworker for what’s supposed to be two weeks. At the end of the first week, she calls and says I can’t move in with her anymore because her dad will stop funding the apartment. Fine, whatever, I’m mad but it’s not her fault so I decide I’ll look for a place near her that’s affordable.
I end up stuck in my hometown for over a month trying to find a place and a job near her, all the while she’s blowing off all communication with me. One night I end up getting drunk and she calls me. Dumps me two minutes into the conversation. So now I’m homeless (the coworker I’m staying with is moving at the end of the month), and broke, and alone.
Eight months later, I’m living with my aunt, four hours from my hometown, and I just managed to get a job. I’ve never felt more lost or been more hurt by anyone, including the relationship I was cheated on in.
#98 Pregnant Disaster
I was pregnant with my oldest daughter and had extreme pain one day, so I came home early from work. When I get home I see two purses that I knew weren’t mine sitting on the stand. I head to my room to see if my then-boyfriend could explain the purses; I’m hearing noises coming from our room. I opened the door to peek in and he is having a threesome. I close the door and just go back into the living room.
I was shocked. I was supposed to be on bed rest, but I was the only one who had a job, so I was going to school and working while he got to stay home all day. I was livid, but what was scary is that I was so furious that I remained calm. I went into the living room, sat on the couch and waited for them to come out; when they finally did I asked them if they had fun?
I told them they needed to get out of my apartment. He tried to talk to me, but I told him he needed to get out. I calmly packed off of his stuff up, had a friend come over because I couldn’t do heavy lifting being 7 months pregnant and dropped his stuff off at his parents’ house that night. It’s still shocking to me that I remained so calm being that angry.
#99 Explosive Battle
My ex-guy was unbuttoning his shirt to change one day while I was making coffee for him. Something wasn’t quite in place and I had an unsettling feeling that made me very scared. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw pen inscriptions on his chest—a girl’s name. Carefully and timidly, I asked him what that was and he promptly replied that his pen was leaking.
When I mentioned to him that no stain was visible on the shirt, he flew into a wild fit of rage. He began to cuss about my elderly parents, saying he wishes them to die slow, horrible deaths. My mother, who had been nothing but supportive and kind towards him as long as he had been around, was suffering in the hospital at the time and this was a disgusting and intentional low blow.
He then grabbed the steaming coffee and threw it right at me. At that moment, something deep inside of me just went “Kaboom!” and all my fears of abuse, of being alone, and of what others might think instantly evaporated. I slapped him hard and told him I was done, so he can pack up and go get lost.
I was truly done and there was not one iota of doubt left. He tried to talk me out of this and shamelessly added that I would suffer miserably without him in my life. I did not give in, and I’m so happy I didn’t—my life is much better without him around.
#100 Ask for a Doctor’s Note Next Time
Was with her for just shy of two years. Holidays, festivals, discussions of marriage the lot. Claimed she lived at home with her mum, who had terminal cancer, and as a result, her mum didn’t want to bring anyone new into her life, as the pain of knowing she would soon leave them was too much. Therefore, we spent all our time at mine, and I never met her family or mum.
I received a message from a guy one night asking how I knew her. I explained the whole story. Turns out her mum was fine, and she had been engaged to this guy and living with him the entire time…they were due to get married in two weeks. It still blows my mind that she managed to play us both so well the entire time.
(So technically, I guess he kind of ended it by revealing the truth, lol. I just wished him the best of luck and cut all ties immediately. I didn’t give her the satisfaction of letting her know she had hurt me).
#101 Sold Out of Love
My wife was pilfering money from the marriage to the tune of about $1,000 per month. It had gone on for a few years before I figured it out. (I thought she was saving the money, she was really stashing it in her dad’s accounts.) Not satisfied to simply stash away her own salary, she began to buy stuff on the joint charge card, then sell it on eBay. I was paying the card.
I started the divorce without telling her. During this time, I took my name off the joint card without telling her and began using my own credit card. When the bills came in for that month, I informed her that I would not pay the credit card bills anymore, that she had her own job and her own money and she could pay her own bills. There was the expected ruckus about that, but I stuck to my guns.
A week or so later, she had a screaming foot-stomping tantrum about how it wasn’t worth her time to work her eBay business. You know, because she now had to actually buy her own inventory instead of just selling stuff I bought. Yeah, I cracked a smile. The story ends thusly: I later traded the stolen money—and my silence about the felonies she committed while transferring the money—for shared custody, zero payments to her, and zero claims on real estate, etc.
She walked away with less than she’d have gotten if she was honest. I even got the house. Our divorce was final four months ago.