Lovers Share The ‘Deal Breakers’ They Discovered Too Late About Their Partner
Relationships are never easy. In the beginning, people tend to be on their best behavior in order to impress their significant other. When in the honeymoon stage, everything feels fun and romantic. You mainly only get the “good side” of this person. It’s only after you’ve been dating for a while that you start to see the other sides of someone’s personality. This is particularly true once you move in with someone, and even more so after getting married and starting a family. The more time that passes and the more experiences you’re forced to go through together as a couple, the more likely you are to come across some skeletons in the closet.
While some of the quirks, habits, and beliefs of a lover are ones that can easily be overlooked, others are definitive dealbreakers—the kind you wish you had learned about much, much earlier in the relationship. Just ask these people, who have plenty to say about the things they discovered about their partner way too late.
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#35 Marrying A Married Woman
When I asked my wife to marry me, I was thrilled that she said yes. On the other hand, I was not so thrilled to find out that she was still married… After she said yes.
They had been separated for seven years but never finalized the divorce. She said she knew I would have left her if she told me and she’s right, I probably would have.
#34 The Customer Who Isn’t Always Right
She’s rude to customer service staff if things don’t go her way.
It’s only happened a few times in the years I’ve known her and it’s only when she’s in a grumpy mood, but if it had happened in the first couple of months we probably wouldn’t still be together.
#33 Grooming With Grapes
He’ll take a bowl of grapes or cherries with him to the bathroom when he shaves. So ew. Ugh.
#32 No More Trips To The Alter
The guy I’m with says he never ever wants to get married. His first wife must have burned him real bad.
#31 Addicted To Trashy TV
How much TV she watches. And bad TV, at that.
We’ve been dating for three years now but for as long as I’ve known her, she has always lived with roommates. Because we never lived together, I never caught her watching those fake TV dramas and reality shows. But a couple of months ago when she moved in with me, she started spending every evening from around 5 pm to midnight watching something like 90-day Fiance, Judge Judy, or My 600-Pound Life.
She blames her addiction on the fact that she grew up in a home with very strict TV time limits (one hour per week), and now that she has free reign over the TV she can’t stop watching.
I can’t really judge her for it because I probably waste just as much time online, but it was something I wouldn’t have ever guessed about her during our first three years together. At least she doesn’t start watching new TV shows without me so that we can share the experience together. That’s pretty sweet.
#30 No Affection To Be Found
She’s practically 0% affectionate.
One time she gave me a peck on the lips, but her hair was blocking the way a little so I asked for another one. She said no.
This behavior isn’t the sort of thing you find out about early because it’s common at the start of a new relationship to not have too much intimacy (at least, that’s the case where I come from). So I kind of just accepted it and didn’t question her about it.
After a year of dating, she still wouldn’t kiss me or hug me. Heck, even now she doesn’t want me to hold her hand most of the time. She has her reasons, I’m sure. She came from a very cold and unaffectionate family.
Still, I can’t date someone who makes me feel like I disgust her.
#29 Showing Her Crueler Side
How mean she could be to people.
She burned more bridges with her friends in the three years we were together than I’ve done in my whole life. She’s generally pretty sweet, but when she gets angry, she will say some of the meanest things I’ve ever heard. It took me a long time to identify this because we rarely had any problems.
#28 The Hidden Highs And Lows
That he’s bipolar. My brother is bipolar as well and growing up watching him ruin his life was extremely difficult. I’m glad my boyfriend didn’t tell me until later in the relationship, because now I know there are functioning bipolar people out there. Best three years of my life so far.
#27 Digging Them Both Into Debt
My ex-husband is terrible with money. Has been his entire adult life, even now. When we started dating, we were broke college kids. We both had part-time jobs but he never seemed to have money. Over the years, he graduated, got a good job, we married and had a baby. Since then, my excellent credit history slipped hugely, as I amassed a ton of debt because of his spending habits. When he left me for another woman, he left me over $30,000 in marital debt, and through the power of his attorney, I was stuck with it. We’ve been divorced for four years now and I’m just starting to recover financially. He now pays child support for our child on top of taking care of his new family.
#26 Taking The Long Way
She would type “Google” into Bing to get to Google.
#25 Prior Discretions Digging Deep
My girlfriend cheated on her last boyfriend. Not for love but because she was mad at him. She was still young then, and really regrets it, but it would probably have been a dealbreaker if I knew before I fell head over heels for her. We have a great, stable relationship now but it still bothers me in the back of my head from time to time.
#24 Feigning For Some Nicotine
Her smoking. We met when she started working as a server at a restaurant where I was already employed as a bartender. She was chatting with a female co-bartender who supposedly told her that I would not date a smoker, so she hid it from me at first! I found out later, but it wasn’t necessarily the worst thing — we’ve been happily married for ten years!
#23 A Fuse That’s Always Ready to Blow
Not having any patience and completely flipping out when things take too long. Getting stuck in traffic, standing in lines; really anything that takes longer than 20 minutes. Going to the grocery store together is a nightmare. She lashes out quite a bit.
#22 Not Crazy About Carnivores
She’s a vegetarian. I don’t really have anything against it, I mean go ahead and eat whatever you want. But every now and then I’d love to be able to go out for a burger with my girlfriend.
#21 No Fresh Air In This House
He never opens a window. And when I open windows, he goes behind me and closes them. He genuinely thinks that it’s INSANE to open a window in like, mid-November on a 60-degree day.
#20 Mom Always Knows Best
How much his parents babied him. He’s 20 and his parents still do almost everything for him. He also almost always believes anything they say.
#19 Lost With No Direction
My husband is a very kind and loving man, but he has no motivation or direction in life. I’m the complete opposite. I have two degrees and recently went back to school again while working on my career. I’m very pleased with my new job and stand to earn a great deal more than I was before.
My husband went to college for a year and a half before dropping out and has worked in sales since then. This has never bothered me, but he constantly complains about his work and how much he hates his job. He’s always talking about going back to school. I totally support him attending a trade/degree program, or even changing jobs, but he won’t even bother finishing his applications. As much as he hates his work, he’s very comfortable there. The thing that scares me is that there is a very real possibility his sales job will be phased out, and then he will be out of work AND have no prospects.
We’ve discussed it and he is aware of all of this, but he still won’t make any changes. All I can do is continue to be loving and supportive.
#18 Flying Under The Radar
She likes to collect bird beaks.
#17 Fickle About Food
He’s a picky eater. I didn’t notice this when we first started dating, but after getting married and preparing three meals a day that he constantly complains about, it gets annoying! We’ve been married over 25 years and I’m convinced you cannot change a picky eater. I don’t blame his parents, they did have the “eat-what-I-make-you-or-make-your-own-sandwich” rule. His mother also told me he wasn’t as picky as a kid, so I don’t know where it suddenly changed for him.
At least he makes his own food now. For years when I was cooking for our family, he just kept picking everything apart. There are literally five things I make that he will eat. Luckily we are older now and it’s become easier, but sitting down as a couple having a meal happily together is rare.
#16 Hurt By Poor Hygiene
That he picks his nose and eats it. And never brushes his teeth. He waited until we had moved in together to let me see that.
Broke up after three years for different reasons but yuck. Yuck.
#15 Struggling With Sobriety
That he’s an addict and thought that marrying me (the first person who loved him) would fix him. To be fair, he was clean when we met and he thought that simply having me in his life would keep him from going back. He lasted being clean for a little more than a year but went back to his old habits (and hid it from me) from me for nine.
It’s been six years since I found out. He’s five-and-a-half years clean, but he hasn’t done any work toward recovery. It’s wreaked havoc on our relationship. I can’t look back on any good times without wondering whether he was using; whether he was himself. I question if he ever really loved me or just wanted a savior. We’re just a big ball of disconnect, mistrust, pain and betrayal.
I told him we need to improve because I can’t survive otherwise. I gave us two years. I never expected perfection, but I wanted him to just try to be better. It’s now been a year and we still haven’t made any progress.
I’m counting down the time and I hope next year will be better. Because if it isn’t… We’re done.
#14 A Punishment For Everything
His parenting style. All punishment, all the time.
To be clear, he isn’t abusive. It’s just that his first response is always a punishment. Examples:
Kid doesn’t put something away (like his shoes or backpack), husband immediately takes away his TV privileges.
Kid complains about dinner, husband forces him to wash the dishes.
He had very strict parents growing up, so I guess that’s where he got it from. During the start of our marriage, he didn’t use to be like that… It was only like, three years ago when we started having job, money and life problems that he started lashing out. Now he’s so busy worrying about those things that it’s harder to step back and breathe before reacting.
#13 Letting It All Out
HOW. MUCH. HE. FARTS. Would’ve been a deal breaker in the beginning but, lucky for him, I got used to it and just deal with it now.
#12 Leaving A Permanent Mark
He hated tattoos and thought they were trashy and stupid. As a pretty heavily tattooed woman, it was devastating to hear that he would feel embarrassed to see me holding his children with my tattooed arms. I love my tattoos, they’re beautiful. I didn’t understand but we were years into the relationship when I learned this and had already planned a future together. It obviously didn’t work out but I’m still not sure why he was with me in the first place if that was his opinion.
#11 Infuriatingly Uninformed
Let me start by saying I love my wife.
Let me finish by saying she is the least informed person ever. She has no clue about basic politics or current events. I can’t even have a conversation with her about common stuff because she just doesn’t know about anything at all.
I have several news apps on my phone and I read several more on my laptop. She hasn’t read a single news article since she was forced to for a college project four years ago.
#10 The Queen Of Clean
My wife’s a HUGE germaphobe. She has to wash her hands after everything she does. She’s washed her hands so much that she’s basically erased her fingerprints. She flips out if shoes are worn in the house at any time. She won’t let our son play in areas where other kids play, like at a playground or the kids place at the mall.
I grew up not having to worry about those things and I turned out just fine. I want my son to experience his childhood the same way.
I just took our almost two-year-old son to an indoor bounce place today and she explicitly made it clear that we had to strip down in the garage and shower before we did anything.
A little dirt don’t hurt, y’all.
#9 No Need 4 Grammer
I know it seems petty but the inability to distinguish between “yore”, “your”, and “you’re”; “there”, “their”, and “they’re”; or “heir”, “air”, “ere”, and “err” is kind of a deal breaker. My son is almost 16. If text messaging had existed 16 years ago, my son wouldn’t have.
#8 Not Taking Any Chances
She is incredibly superstitious to the point where she’s fully convinced by even the slightest coincidences. For example, her mom wished her good luck before a test that went poorly so now her mom can’t say that to her anymore.
#7 For Love Of The Game
He told me he didn’t play video games that much, but when we started living together I found out that he liked to play for hours on end. He gets mad and yells a lot. He does not like to go out as much as I do. I met him at a party and assumed he liked to socialize… But nope, I have to drag him out every time.
#5 Hashtag Selfie-volved
That they need constant validation from social media.
#4 Planning For Revenge
She’s has a pretty vindictive attitude towards others. It never comes out when she’s with me, but it seems she always wants revenge on other people. That’s kind of incompatible with my “just-be-cool-because-you-never-know-who-knows-who-and-how-things-might-come-back-to-haunt-you” personality.
#3 Deprived Of Disposable Income
His extreme frugality. Being frugal is good, but I didn’t realize the extent of it, or that he would expect the same level from me. Now that our finances are shared, I often feel very deprived. He believes all unnecessary spending is wrong and doesn’t believe in disposable income. We go out to eat exactly twice a year, and it’s only because I absolutely insist on it for my birthday and our anniversary. Even gift cards must be spent on necessities.
#2 Time To Get Away
He didn’t like to travel. We were together seven years and I didn’t find out until AFTER I broke up with him.
Never would have continued dating him if I knew up front.
#1 Romantically Involved Roommates
His roommate is his ex-girlfriend. Took a bit of time and tears for me to get over that major punch in the guts. I found out from old Facebook pictures. He thought I already knew.