Just Ignore ‘That Guy’. Office Workers Share The Cringy Things Their Annoying Colleagues Do
No matter how fantastic a job might be, there’s one thing that most everyone has trouble coping with: awful coworkers. Every office has to have its fair share of annoying workers. However, some are so obnoxious that their reputations precede them. These people are especially irritating, exasperating, and have a special way of getting on everyone’s last nerve!
You know exactly who I’m talking about, right? Can you envision “that guy” in your workplace? The person who sleeps on the job and lies about it? The man who micromanages everyone else? The girl who is far too obsessed with her cats? The intern who thinks he’s king of the world? These people have had to deal with their fair share of frustrating colleagues. Now, they’re shedding light on some of the worst kinds of people you can end up working side-by-side with! After reading these, you might feel lucky for the slightly-annoying coworkers in your life.
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#35 Someone Get This Guy A Friend
He’s a talker. “Good morning, Bob.” “Well, I’m not sure if I can say it’s good. It’s definitely the morning, I’ll give you that, but good is a bit of a stretch. It’s Tuesday though, which is one better than Monday! Just being honest, hahaha, because you said good morning, and I thought, ‘Well I’m not sure if I can agree with that.’ Seriously though, good morning.”
#34 You’re Not Hot Stuff, Dude
This tubby guy who just enlisted in The Marine Corps. He doesn’t go to Basic until February but comes in every day with a Marine Corps shirt, dog tags (which he ordered, they didn’t issue him any), and humongous sunglasses. He ends every few sentences with “Oorah” and talks about how in shape he is, when he clearly isn’t.
#33 That’s A Unique Way To Keep Tabs
We have two of them. The first one is a higher up who is almost never at work and no one knows where she goes. We call her “bigfoot” since there are the occasional reported sightings of her. The other is her spy. She’s the type of person who will do laps around the office to report back to bigfoot what everyone is up to. She has been dubbed “the drone.”
My office is interesting.
#32 What’re You In Such A Rush For?
He runs, all the time.
I don’t think anything he does is important enough to justify it but every time he’s going to someone’s desk he’ll break into an awkward walk/run with his hand to his chest normally clutching a file.
Then when he gets to you he’ll put his hands on your desk and stretch his legs like he’s preparing to run a marathon, I’ve never seen anything like it.
#31 That Sure Doesn’t Smell Healthy
At least once a week he warms up fish that smells like it went bad a month ago. He eats fish regularly because “it’s healthy to eat fish regularly”. I told him I’m pretty sure food that’s gone bad isn’t healthy for you but he responded with he didn’t believe that food goes bad.
#30 Ugh, She’s That Kind Of Brat
I have an arch-nemesis at work. I’ll call her “Ruth” because that’s her name.
Remember in fourth grade when the teacher would leave the classroom and she’d pick a kid to write down the names of everyone who talked while she was in the hallway? Remember the look of unadulterated smugness? That “tiny smidge of power” holier-than-thou face? Remember the glint in their eyes as they heard you plead: “Come on, I’m sorry! Please just erase it”? The indescribable rush they felt as they added tally marks next to the names they’d scrawled with their evil, vindictive hands?
Ruth is the bitter, frumpy, post-menopausal equivalent of that kid.
#29 Please Avoid That “Reply All” Button
Reply All to company-wide emails with things like “This is great news” or other trite comments.
#28 Come On, Judith, What’s So Funny?
“That guy” is Judith, who likes to sit at her computer and laugh juuuust loudly enough that you have to ask “What’s so funny?” and won’t stop laughing until someone acknowledges her. She’s also constantly complaining about her back pain and will do her PT stretches not two feet away from my desk.
#27 Talk About High Maintenance…
He’s been working here for less than a month and he’s demanding all of the newest equipment we have. We had two no-bezel monitors that were set aside for certain employees, so he came and took both of them (still in the box), and set them up in his office.
It felt good when we got to go take them away from him and give him some old monitors. I thought about giving him some 4:3 monitors, but I’m not that mean.
#26 You’d Think They Would Have Learned By Now
“Okay, we move for lunch at 12:30 PM. Okay with everybody?”
12:30: “Go go!”
“Five minutes, I’ve got to go to the bathroom”.
And then we wait for five minutes with our jackets on and everything.
Every. Single. Day.
#25 No Offense, But You Probably Won’t Accomplish Anything
This 23-year-old guy just started two weeks ago with the company. Some of the people at the office are doing the usual complaining about management. However, this kid is sending mass emails out to all of the employees stating, “I will do whatever it takes and make sure that everyone is happy here. I am going to make sure that this department changes for the good!”.
He is bottom totem pole of the company and doesn’t have any experience with major corporate business procedures.
#24 Did You Really Think You Could Fool Them?
Our guy is the guy who thinks he’s so clever about avoiding work but is in no way fooling anyone.
He’s also the guy who tells our boss he has narcolepsy when he falls asleep at his desk, but refuses to go to a doctor for proof. I’m pretty sure narcoleptics don’t jolt awake when their boss walks by, dude.
#23 Please, Get Over Your God Complex
This guy is probably mid-40’s and is a project manager for a little side project that is not even revenue producing. I agree that he is a little higher up than a lot of us, but he thinks he owns the place.
What grinds my gears is he micromanages us. I know what I have to do and what kind of turnaround time I will have on a task. Do not come and ask me every 30 minutes if it’s done.
The other problem with him is apparently his olfactory senses are heightened and he tells me and a lot of other people, “Why do you wear cologne to work? Do not wear cologne, it irritates me.”
#22 This Is The Real Life Walter Mitty
He’s a delusional, pathological liar. I gave him the nickname Walter Mitty years before the Ben Stiller movie was released. Every story ever told at break, lunch, morning coffee, wherever, is nothing compared to this guy. Oh, you went out and caught some fish last weekend? Well, Walter went yachting and harpooned some mermaids.
#21 You’re Not In Charge Here, Sweetie
You know those people that come into a job like they own the place? We had this girl that was no more than 22 start working with us last year. On her third day of work, she began picking apart every procedure we had and making remarks about how dumb they are.
“Why don’t you guys use Microsoft Office?”
“Why are weekly meetings on Monday? They need to be on Friday!”
One time I was loading paper into the copier and she started yelling, “What are you doing? That’s not how it goes!” She snatched the stack of paper from my hands and loaded it the wrong way. Not to anyone’s surprise, the printer jammed upon use. She tried to blame me, but it didn’t work.
Another time, we were having a potluck lunch. We all agreed we were going to do a taco bar so everyone was supposed to bring something taco related. She tried to make us change it to Italian food the day before but we said no because many of us had already purchased or prepared our items. The next day she showed up with lasagne and was super pissed that no one ate any of it.
#20 You’re Doing Far More Harm Than Good
He just messes with the daily workings of our office. For instance, he stops the mailman in the hallway and collects the mail for me. However, we need the mailman to come into the office to pick up our outgoing mail. I’ve told him this, he still does it every single day.
The printer stops working, it is the procedure to contact me to troubleshoot the printer and then if I cannot fix it to send out an office-wide e-mail to let everyone know that it’s down and a tech is coming in. I have all the proper information to contact tech support. He unplugs the printer and e-mails everyone (someone not including me) to tell them the printer is broken, then tries to fix it himself. He has broken toner cartridges, caused waste cartridges to spill everywhere, messed up the paper drawers. Then he will contact the company himself with no serial number or contract number and try to get someone to come to our office.
#19 I Mean, Really? Can You Be Any More Unprofessional?
Goes to the break room, turns off the lights and takes a nap. That’s where the microwave is, and the refrigerator, and various other things, like the table. I’d like to eat lunch in there, perhaps.
#18 In Other Words, Their Job Doesn’t Matter At All
We have that guy who creates tasks to make him seem necessary. Constantly reworking costing formulas, then forcing us to fix them when he screws them up.
To top it off, he speaks and emails with military terms: “ALCON”, “Roger”, etc. This doesn’t inherently bother me, but it sets everyone else off and them complaining makes it worse.
He is also an idea thief. We like to get him back by throwing ideas around that we know have failed in the past, then we wait for him to pitch them.
#17 If Only They Could Fire This Jerk…
He’s the management guy that has situated himself to never be fired. The long story of it is that he somehow weaseled his way into a position that doesn’t actually do anything, is supposed to be between sales and management, and has no oversight. Because of that, he has enough power to be dangerous.
He knows nothing about software or technology, and if you try to correct him on something he’ll get offended and threaten to fire you. That’s why we now refer to individual modules in a program as “buckets” in front of him. As in, “The credits bucket is having graphical difficulties” or “Did you read the email about the customer wanting additional buckets?”
Additionally, every sales call he goes on he does not actually try to sell anything. His method is best described as “playing hard to get”, which doesn’t quite work when you’re the salesman.
#16 Is This Even Possible?
He manages to slurp any food imaginable. Fried rice. Slurps. Salad. Slurps. Sushi!? Slurps. He does it so loud the entire office/audience can here. It is so disgusting.
#15 Okay, This Is Just Plain Laziness
Retail here, “that woman” is never prepared to leave the store when we’re done working, but refuses to let you leave without her. We’ll be done cleaning up, locking the doors, turning the lights off, and counting down the till, all while she sits there doing nothing and chatting with us which makes us close slower, then when it’s time to punch out she’s got to take fifteen minutes to gather up all her stuff, which means undoing a lot of the closing up we’ve done because she left her stuff in one of the coolers or something like that. I hate working with her because I end up leaving on average half an hour later than I do when working with any of my other coworkers.
#14 How Does He Hold Conversations?
The guy that makes long pauses between sentences, maintaining eye contact.
“You see, I was watching TV last night…” 10 seconds of eye contact, “and some show was on…” 15 seconds of eye contact while drinking water.
#13 He Knows He’s In No Position Of Power Whatsoever… Right?
I just refer to him as “jabroni”. He’s the most annoying person I’ve ever encountered and constantly does random things to “flex” his imaginary powers— for example, constantly walking into restricted areas without permission, attempting to delegate imaginary work to the front desk lady. He gave himself a manager title (he’s in no way a manager, I’ve asked my supervisor), constantly makes random noises for attention and to announce his presence (ex. MONKEY, MONKAY, MONKAYYYY, WHOOOOOOOO, CHEEEEEZUS CHRIIIIST, insert the most annoying sounds imaginable).
He also has the most punchable face I’ve ever seen.
#12 This Isn’t The 1920s, Danny
I was an intern at a financial firm and a new hire came in, let’s call him Danny. I was in the contract law department, pretty small and mostly women. I guess the firm was trying to diversify their law hires because they hired two guys in the span of a month to replace people who were leaving. Anyway, we went for a company lunch and I and another intern sat by him and he insisted on getting food for us and putting it on our plates even though we are 19 and 20 years old. Dude wouldn’t even let me get my own water. I guess he felt like he had to father us because we were young women or something. He also was pretty patronizing and made dad jokes despite being in his late-twenties or something. Bizarre.
#11 It’s Not All About You
When a co-worker tells a story, that guy gets into the conversation with a better story that happened to him or someone that he knows.
#10 Not Everyone Needs To Hear Your Conversations
The guy who, knowing full well that everyone in the area can hear him, uses speakerphone for everything.
Casual chat from his buddy upstairs? Speakerphone.
A quick call from the wife? Speakerphone.
Call from the school about his daughter? Speakerphone.
Discussing his latest checkup with his doctor? Speakerphone.
Two-hour conference call? Right, he’s using speakerphone.
The absolute best is when several people in the area are on the same conference call, all using speaker.
#9 Oh, The Classic Crazy Cat Lady
This woman I work with surrounds herself with cats. Statues, pictures, screensavers, motivational posters, notepads. Every conversation with her eventually leads back to her five cats. If Mittens, Betsy, kitty, Teller, and Patrick all died in a house fire it’d be the best day of my life.
#8 So, You Obviously Did
We had steal-food-from-fridge guy. He would straight up eat your lunch, especially if you had any sweets (cake, cookies, brownies, etc.). He wouldn’t steal your food if it was healthy or boring, and he didn’t do it all the time, but when he did, he just ignored you or dodged complaints with “It’s been here for a week” (no, I brought it today) or “I didn’t do it” (yes you did because coworker so-and-so saw you). Alas, he was middle management and a grade A brownnoser, so he never got punished.
#7 Care To Be More Creative, Nick?
So back in the day, there was this new guy, we’ll call him Nick because that was his name.
Well anyway, Nick was this loud obnoxious video game nerd that came with somewhat of an odor. I took note that Nick wore this one gray shirt frequently. In fact, I started cataloging his daily wardrobe to see how often he wore it. Turns out he had a consistent pattern:
Monday: Gray Shirt
Tuesday: Blue Shirt
Wednesday: (same) Gray Shirt
Thursday: Reddish Shirt
So anyway, on a Tuesday, I’m talking to a co-worker about Nick’s gray shirt. I’m like, “I’ll bet you he wears the gray shirt tomorrow.” Co-worker retorts, “No way, he just wore it yesterday.” So I get him to wager $10.
Wednesday rolls around and sure enough, Nick is wearing gray, and I collect my $10. Well, word got around I had cracked the code. I sensed Nick eventually caught on too, and he started changing up the wardrobe.
#6 This Is Just So Darn Gross
She brings lunch from home and I swear each day it is a different pungent smell. Her abilities to bother the olfactory system would be a war crime under the Geneva Convention.
Like when I first smelt it across the floor I wondered if something died in the vents. Think boiling cabbage with a strong dash of rotten curry.
Whilst her ability to create these smells would make her at least a C-list Batman villain we don’t really say something because otherwise, she is a nice, quiet, middle-aged lady.
#5 Your Office Sounds Like A Trip
Chain-Smoking Trucker Lady: She hates everything and everyone. She is out smoking every single 30 mins, despite the fact that she had cancer twice. She also likes to cook raw chicken and various game in the microwave (not re-heat, actually cook). She also rarely bathes and has the worst smoker’s cough I have ever heard (she sounds like she is coughing up a lung). Anytime she passes by someone she loudly sighs in order to voice her distaste for everything.
The Loses EVERYTHING: Accounts payable lady loses everything. Then she blames it on everyone else. It’s gotten so bad that a form was created just for her. Every time someone hands her paperwork, they have her sign off saying she received it. A witness is always present.
The Strolling Troll: He trolls the office constantly, just lurking about. During his trolling, he always stops at every printer to rummage and snoop. As a result, printed papers get wrecked, put out of order, or he just takes them to mess with people.
The Singing Whistler: He sings and whistles about everything. It’s Wednesday? Better sing and whistle about “Hump Day.” Has to run to the bathroom? Better announce it through song. Gets yelled at by the CEO? Better sing and whistle in the most enthusiastic loud manner so that the entire office may hear.
The “HA!” Lady (who also got the boot recently): Everything she did she would finish it with a loud HA! You could have told her your dog died and she would still go HA! It wasn’t quiet either, it was loud, so loud that I could hear her HA! from in my office, which is not even on the same floor as her cubicle.
#4 No Matter How Well-Intentioned…
I work at a hospital and our “that guy” was one of our older nurses who had been there for 28 years. She was very racist, very fattist, and would constantly talk about patients, either a) in front of other patients, or b) negatively, in front of the patient’s themselves.
One of my first interactions with her was her telling me that she was concerned that I had three kids and my husband was a stay-at-home dad. For Christmas every year, our hospital sponsors a needy family and that year, she decided that she didn’t like that family and wanted to “sponsor” my family. She cornered me and pushed a $60 gift card to a restaurant into my hand, explained herself in hushed tones and told me to tell no one.
It was simultaneously an extremely nice gesture and very, very offensive.
#3 Everyone Is Equally As Guilty (Not Just The Millenials)
We have two.
One is young and excellent at “looking busy,” while doing nothing. He’s chatty and thinks he’s personal so he takes longer to do his tasks, he thinks he’s smart as hell by turning his monitors and having a little barrier up while he watches YouTube, or that no one knows he naps in the bathroom.
The other is an older guy who is lonely and chatty and talks about everything, and how everything is a challenge and how the government is going to steal his ID if he ever logs into an account on the internet.
#2 If You Shouldn’t Say It At A Normal Volume…
Ours is a talker. A LOUD talker. A loud talker who’s job appears to be to walk around the office, start conversations, very loudly, then interrupt you as loudly as possible. Did you see that sports thing? How about that socialist in the white house? LET’S TALK ABOUT MORE SPORTS THINGS. HOW ABOUT WE AWKWARDLY DISCUSS WOMEN LIKE THEY’RE OBJECTS? HEY DID YOU SEE THAT OTHER SPORTS THING?!?!?
I don’t care Ted. I’m gay and I don’t watch sports.
#1 This Is The Worst Personality, Hands Down
Thinks that he’s my boss even though we have the SAME work title.