Anesthesiologists Share The Absolute Best Things People Have Said Under The Gas
Have you ever been to the doctor or dentist to have a procedure done under laughing gas? Besides losing all feeling in your mouth and face, did it leave you feeling a bit hallucinogenic? Maybe you’ve seen trending videos gone viral of people in recovery post-op saying things they’re likely not to remember (and will later regret) that are painstakingly dreadful but so hilarious?
While legal and innocent, the stuff that’s said behind operating doors probably should never be repeated. Except for right here, right now. If you’ve ever thought, “Man, I’d love to be a fly on the wall of an anesthesiologist’s office,” then look no further. We’ve scoured the internet to bring the best of the hallucinogenic stories straight to your screen. Find out some of the funniest things anesthesiologists have heard from patients going under or coming out of the haze.
#1 Baby Shark, Do Do Do Do Do
I had a patient wake up violently. We had already finished the procedure, but he was still knocked out cold… Until out of nowhere, he just snapped up in his bed. When he came to consciousness he said, “Sorry, I thought I was a shark.” He mentioned that while he was under, he dreamt he lived underwater as a great white.
#2 You’ll Never Get Me Down
I had a colonoscopy just last month and the lady who administered the propofol had a brief conversation with me. It went like this:
Me: “How long is that gonna take to kick in?”
Her: “You’ll be out in less than 10. I always win.”
I started to feel it immediately after that, but I still followed with: “You’ll never take me down!” I then started laughing like A MANIAC, followed immediately by nothing. I think her quip about always winning and obviously, the propofol got me good.
#3 You Had One Job
A patient had a broken ankle fixed and was coming out of anesthesia. When he was being wheeled out, the anesthesiologist accidentally hit the door frame on the way out. The patient asked, “Did you just do surgery on my leg?” and the anesthesiologist said, “Yes, you had surgery and are waking up from it.” After a short pause, the patient quipped, “Then why are you running into things.”
#4 Time Traveling
Right after I administered the gas, I had a patient say, “WOW, this feels like the ’70s!” I’ve also had quite a few old men ask me out on a date before passing out a few seconds later. Being put under typically gives patients a bit of false confidence, which results in some pretty hilarious conversations. I love my job.
#5 Rock On, Buddy
I was once transporting a patient to the ICU after surgery. He had been subjected to some pretty strong medications earlier. The entire way to the ICU, he was rocking out with his air guitar. Due to his condition, he wasn’t supposed to be moving too much, but he just looked so happy, so I let him be (as long as he wasn’t thrashing and going completely wild).
#6 The Dog Days Are Over
My dad’s an anesthesiologist. He was treating a woman once and he said, “I’m putting you to sleep now.” She replied with the most horrified look on her face, “Like a dog?!” The funniest part was, she wasn’t even under yet. Everyone in the operating room burst out into laughter, including the patient. Gotta love patients with good humor.
#7 You Don’t Know How Sick You Make Me
When I was going under, I looked at my mother and started laughing hysterically. She asked me what was so funny. I said she had horns. Also, as I was coming out of it, the nurse was being kind of a jerk to me, so I said, “Oh man, the next time I puke I’m going to puke on you.” And I did. He said, “Man, your aim is good, I’m not even mad at you”.
#8 Welcome To The Abyss?
Patient: “Am I in purgatory?”
Me: “No you’re not, you’re just in recovery.”
Patient: “That sounds like something a bad spirit would say. Count backward from 100 to prove it.”
#9 Magic Carpet Ride
The one who stroked my unshaved arm while I was trying to keep him from pulling at his IV, and muttered: “You’d make such a great carpet.” I burst into hysterical laughter. I couldn’t even be mad, it was so funny. In fairness, he was totally right—I hadn’t shaved my arms all winter. Needless to say, I went home afterward and shaved my arm.
#10 I Won’t Tell Your Parents
I was recently taking care of a 17-year-old kid whose appendix had burst. He looked at me and said, “Dude, I am high as a screw.” He also confessed his love to the IV bag. Neither his parents or his friends were there, so at least he was spared the embarrassment. They almost never remember it afterward, but I always remember.
#11 For The Love of God, Get Me a Pop-Tart
They clearly told me that I couldn’t eat solid food, however, I was CRAVING a Pop-Tart so bad. Like, I needed one ASAP—my mouth was drooling (probably actually bleeding) and I was having in-depth fantasies of going to town on the largest pack I could find. Quite conveniently in the car on the way home, I discovered nothing else but a cookies and cream Pop-Tart pack.
I was seriously making sweet mouth love to the pastry, never happier, until I remembered I was not supposed to eat solid foods. I shamefully told my mom the news, and she took my delicious love away from me. I specifically remember saying, “It’s for the greater good.” So I tried to hand her my Pop-Tart from the back seat, while she was driving on the highway no less, when I realized the Pop-Tart wasn’t there. The Pop-Tart never existed. She said, “Okay, Tolkien, I got it, honey,” and I replied, “The Pop-Tart was fake, wasn’t it?”
#12 You’re A Muggle!
When I got home after I got my wisdom teeth out, I legit thought I was at Hogwarts, in the infirmary. In my mind, I was Snape’s favorite student. When I saw my dad, I asked him, “Dad! How did you get here?! You’re a muggle!!” I thought I was late for potions class and my dad got me to stay in bed by pretending to speak with Dumbledore about my condition, telling me I was excused from classes
#13 Cheer Up, Buttercup
I remember waking up in a chair with gauze in my mouth, sitting next to a girl who was crying heavily. I couldn’t speak, but I did know some sign language, so I started to sign to the girl next to me to chin up or something dumb like that. A nurse came over who apparently could sign, and we went through our ABCs in sign language together, with me strongly arguing that a few letters she said I was doing wrong I thought I actually was doing right. So I ended up just distracting her while the poor girl next to me was crying her eyes out for some reason.
#14 Take Me Out…For Chinese
My husband went under last year, and when he woke up, by appearances, he was as sober as a church mouse—he was walking, asking serious questions of the doctor, etc.. He remembered the procedure and described it to me in detail. I figured he just never went completely under. He was craving Chinese food, and nothing would do except for buffet, so we headed down and loaded up our first load of plates. Evidently, he actually woke up from the anesthesia at the buffet. As far as he remembers, he was put under and woke up in front of a plate of chicken teriyaki on a stick.
#15 Space Jam
After getting my wisdom teeth removed, I looked at my mother-in-law and said, “How did you get on my rocket ship?”
#16 All Business All The Time
Coming out of anesthesia, when they were removing my IV, I told the nurse, “Oh, that’s neat. I’ve taken a lot of those out, but I’ve never had it done to me, and my patients are always lifeless.” Apparently, she looked very concerned by this information and my mother had to explain that I’ve been a licensed funeral director for many years. Hospitals and other facilities often do not remove tubing.
#17 I Trusted You
I broke my hand while tumbling once and had to get surgery. The anesthesiologist went to put the mask on my face and said, “This is oxygen,” I coughed as the mask was put on me. He pulled the mask away and I said to him, “I trusted you. You lying jerk.” That’s the last thing I remember. The anesthesiologist laughed when I brought it up after the procedure.
#18 Glenda, The Good Witch
When I got put under for a colonoscopy, I didn’t really fall asleep during the countdown. I just looked at the nurse a bit confused and said, “Umm, I don’t notice anything.” She smiled, squeezed my wrist and said, “Just give it a moment.” As soon as she said that, I started fading out and according to her the last thing I mumbled was, “Oh that’s screwed up, you magic witch.”
#19 Missed Connection
I had a patient coming out of anesthesia who opened his eyes. As I was switching him from a mask to nasal cannula, he told me, “This hospital has the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.” It made me blush. I was so flattered and it made the rest of my day awkward with my coworkers, who teased me about it. Whoever you are, sleepy man, I simultaneously thank you and hate you.
#20 When You Know, You Know
My wife is an anesthesiologist and her best line from a patient is, “This is better than my dog.”
#21 When You’ve Got the Itch
My dad works with that stuff. He’s an anesthesiologist at a local hospital and he says he’s had patients who have said some of the most outrageous things he’s ever heard. The funniest thing he’s ever heard is: “Hey, Mr. Doctor? My butt itches and I’m too scared to scratch.” No, he didn’t help the guy scratch his butt, and the dude passed out right after.
#22 Paint Me Like One Of Your French Girls
I was about to be put under for a colonoscopy. The nurse was trying to position me in a way to make it easiest for them to work. I had my knees to my chest and was passing out from the gas when I asked the nurse to paint me like one of her French girls. It still makes me cringe. Thankfully, I passed out immediately after I said it.
#23 A Cry For Help
I woke up after wisdom teeth surgery alone in a small recovery room. I called out for my mom and dad and when they didn’t immediately come to my side, I called out for Captain Kirk. I’m a huge Star Trek fan, but apparently, no one else in the recovery room was. They had no idea who the heck Captain Kirk was, and I started to get irritated at them.
#24 Three Blind Mice
As a patient was coming out of it, she asked my grandmother if she wanted to see her mouse tattoo. I believe she was charting or something, so my grandmother initially ignored her. And so the lady asked her again. Eventually, she gave in and the woman ripped off her hospital gown. There was no tattoo. My grandmother asked, “Where’s the mouse tattoo?” The woman shouted, “Oh no! The cat must have eaten it!”
#25 If All Else Fails
Before my emergency appendectomy, I grabbed my husband and said (very loudly), “Don’t forget to tell them our backup plan. If this stuff goes south, I want my legs and arms removed so you can carry me around in a backpack.” The student doctor accidentally wheeled me into the wall because he was laughing so hard.
#26 Hooked On A Feeling, High On Believing
When I went in for my gallbladder surgery, the nurse was an old coworker and I blurted out on the table, “I knew you’d see me naked” before I was out. That’s all I remember. When I woke up after the procedure, I saw the same nurse and she didn’t say a word. All she had was a smirk on her face when she looked at me.
#27 I Meant What I Said
I had a simple procedure done when I was younger, but it was my second time being under any kind of strong knock out gas. Before I went under, I looked at the anesthesiologist (who was a pretty cute grey-haired man) and said, “Gosh, you’re attractive. But I’m sure you hear that every day.” And then I passed out.
When I came to my senses, I started hitting on ALL of the nurses. Male and female. One of the nurses had an adorable face and I just grinned and said, “Man, you’re so pretty. Ugh, you’re just beautiful. Are you single?” I said that in front of my mom at age 19. She won’t ever let me live it down. Pro tip: if it’s in your control, don’t bring your parents with you if you know you’re going to go under.
#28 Don’t Worry Ladies
A few years ago, I had a minor surgery that required the surgeon to shave around my privates. Afterward, I went to my urologist for a followup, and when he opened my chart he saw the note he had written himself, to tell me what I did in the OR. It took him a minute to remember it, but it went like this. Apparently, the surgery team consisted of him and about four to five female nurses.
When they were putting me under, he started shaving. After a few seconds, I sat BOLT UPRIGHT, slowly scanned the female nurses, and said loudly… “Don’t worry ladies! There’s enough to go around!” Then, I fell back on the gurney and went to sleep. Apparently, one of them who was assisting him at the time was laughing so hard she had to take a break.
#29 Cut To The Chase
I had to take my mom to the hospital and while I was speaking to the doctor about her medical history, my mom was really insistent about them knowing about her tennis elbow.
Doctor: “So is she on any medication?”
Mom: “TENNIS ELBOW!”
Me: “No, she’s…”
Mom: “TENNIS ELBOW!”
Me: “She has tennis elbow.”
Doctor: “I can tell.”
Mom: “TENNIS ELBOW!”
#30 I’m Sorry, What?
The anesthesiologist and a nurse came out into the waiting room after I was put under and, apparently, were white as ghosts. My dad asked if anything was wrong, and eventually, the anesthesiologist, still in a daze, explained to my dad that after he administered the anesthesia (but before I was fully out of it) I began speaking to him in fluent Mandarin.
He thought maybe he needed to call someone to ask how it was possible that this redneck white teenager could suddenly gain the ability to speak Chinese under anesthesia. Needless to say, my dad thought this was hilarious and explained (to the doctor’s relief) that I already knew how to speak Mandarin. I lived in China on exchange a couple of months prior.
#31 No, Uncle Kracker I Will Not Follow You
When I was giving birth, I was pretty out of it. The radio was playing in the operating room and Uncle Kracker came on. I apparently yelled, “I am not bringing my child into the world to this garbage!” They turned the radio off. They knew I was on some pretty heavy medications, so they just chuckled and went on with their tasks.
#32 Well, Then
When I was coming up from shoulder surgery, on a pretty substantial dose of medications, my wife told me that I looked at the head nurse and said, “Your chest is spectacular, I want to see them.” I have no memory of it, but apparently, my wife was mortified, and the nurse thought it was hysterical. She also said it wasn’t particularly unusual to get comments of that sort.
#33 You Know A Beautiful Smile When You See One
I’m a female medical student in my early 20s. I was rotating through anesthesia and we had an early-30s patient who was only under sedation (not general anesthesia) for a hysteroscopy. She started telling me how great her boyfriend was, and for some reason, that then transitioned into her flirting with me. She held my hand and told me I had a great smile. I started laughing and told her that I was wearing a mask, and she said, “I remember your smile, and you also have a great personality,” while stroking my arm. My supervisor and I had a good laugh about it after!
#34 I Just Want You To Know…You’re Fat
I was being put under to get my appendix removed. They began doing the countdown while they injected a hefty dose of propofol and fentanyl to put me out. I counted down to one and then asked, “Now what?” The surgeon looked at me and said, “You’re still awake??… Man… You are fat you know that?”… I said, “You’re just saying that because you think I won’t remember.” He said. “Exactly.” That’s the last thing I remember.
#35 Look What You’ve Done
My husband has no memory of this, except I remind him, often. He had his wisdom teeth removed. I took him, and as I just had a baby and he’s a big guy, my mother-in-law came to assist getting him to the car. After the procedure, the nurse came out to get me and said only I could come back. As we were walking, she said he was grabbing things, talking too much, and they thought maybe I could calm him down.
I said oh, what’s he talking about? “Well you, mostly. He’s definitely a fan of yours.” I was super confused, but she threw open the curtain and there he was with a huge smile on his face and a towel over his lap. Before I could say anything, he grabbed my hand, threw both of his fists over his head and yelled, “There she is! The intimacy queen!”
I stood there in shock for a moment and looked at the nurse who was turning purple trying not to laugh. I busted out laughing as did the other two people in the room. Then he ‘whispered’, with his mouth full of cotton, “Look what happened, I know you can fix it,” as he chucks the towel across the room revealing a large tent.
Cue laughter again. He eventually did get quieter and we were then able to leave. Walking out to the car he attempted to hump my leg like a dog, which he accomplished by evading my mother-in-law and the nurse who was supporting him. The funniest part was telling him about what he said later. He was mortified and didn’t want to go to his follow up appointment.
#36 Have No Fear, I Know CPR
My fiancé had his wisdom teeth out a few years ago, so I drove him to the appointment. We were wandering around CVS waiting for his pain meds to get filled and I was making him type stuff to me in my Notes app because he wasn’t supposed to disturb the gauze. Here is exactly what he typed out: “How long until I can eat the gauze they gave me?” The last thing I remember saying was, “If anything goes wrong, don’t worry, I’m CPR certified”.
#37 Can’t Go Down Without A Fight
Propofol is the standard medication of choice to knock patients out for surgery. There is a short window of time after the propofol hits where people are still lucid enough to talk, maybe 20 seconds tops. As I started to push a full syringe of propofol into his IV, the patient asked me if I wanted to hear him sing his alma mater’s war hymn.
It was his way of giving me a hard time because I went to a rival college. I couldn’t refuse. It sounded like this: “Good luck to dear old Aggies. They are the boys that—narrr… hhhnnn…” …at which point his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he stopped breathing. I’ve got to commend his fighting spirit, though.
#38 Pinocchio’s Secret
“I don’t want you to be too surprised by my tattoo,” said a conservative looking Asian man with a Pinocchio tattoo around his private area.
#39 Just Here For The Nail Polish
I had my wisdom teeth removed a few years back and on the way home from the dentist, my husband stopped at Walgreens to pick up my prescription. He left me in the car and I was half asleep. I somehow found my way into Walgreens, grabbed an iced tea, and found him in line at the pharmacy. I walked up to him and grabbed his butt so hard. I’m just glad I picked the right guy because I was so out of it. As he tried to lead me out of the store, I insisted that I needed to look at nail polishes. Then, I sat down in the aisle and cried. He picked me up off the floor and got me to the car where I fell asleep. When he came back out, I threw up all over myself. I’m glad I never have to get wisdom teeth removed ever again.
#40 Charge Me Up
I was lying down, all groggy and confused when two nurses walked over pushing one of those carts with a small computer on it. They stood over me and were typing into the computer when one nurse said to the other in a sort of frantic whisper, “We’ve got to plug this thing in or this one isn’t going to make it!”
Naturally, semi-conscious me thought that the “thing” was me and I started to incoherently yell for the nurses to unplug whatever they needed to in order to find an outlet to keep me alive. Turns out, it was the battery on the laptop that wasn’t going to make it. Apparently, the passing rate for an ACL repair is pretty low.
I had my wisdom teeth out and I supposedly still bleeding a good amount on the way to CVS to pick up the meds. My mom was driving and I was just staring out the window collecting blood in my mouth. Eventually, it reached a point where it was too much at a red light. I rolled down the window and just let it all flow out of my mouth.
I looked up and this lady who was watching me with just pure horror on her face. I proceeded while still in some sort of haze from the medications to give her what I can imagine the bloodiest smile anyone has ever seen. She wasn’t originally turning right but proceeded to make an immediate turn. I was so glad I could remember that moment.
#42 It Is What It is
When I had surgery on my leg, the doctor made me list off colors. I started with red, then blue, then green, then yellow, then purple, then orange, but because I was finally getting woozy, I supposedly started chanting the word “hamburger” until I finally passed out. I do remember waking up later that day, still craving a hamburger.
#43 The Circle Of Life
My brother went under for wisdom tooth surgery. He didn’t say anything before going under, but apparently, the medications can make re-entry into consciousness a little loopy. So when he woke up on the cart, as he was being wheeled into recovery, all I could hear from the waiting room was: “NAAAAAA SEVENYAAAAAA MA BA GEE CHE BEN VA.” Not only did he yell the rest of the Circle of Life at the top of his lungs (while holding up a phantom Simba), he grew furious when the nurse wouldn’t sing as a back-up.
#44 If You’re Going to Kill Me, Keep It Quiet
As I went down, I lost control of my speaking filters and started letting out some weird stuff that I would never have said in any situation. I spoke about how my first kiss with my wife went, and also started asking how I could get the medication I was on the outside. Then, I was getting loopy and started seeing myself in the third person, so I decided before I went down I would grab the doctor’s lab coat by his chest and say, “Doc, don’t end me, but if I go, just make sure it’s quiet so you don’t scare my wife.”
I felt like I was in a movie and should be getting an Oscar for my role in my own death. When I went under, it was black. Then BOOM, I saw my ribcage with my heart inside it. It also felt like a bomb went off in my chest, the pain was intense. Then everything slowly went to black. A few hours later, I woke up.
Everyone in the room was looking at me funny. The procedure worked, my heart was back in a good rhythm. My wife came into the room and was wide-eyed. She explained that 20 seconds after I was out, they shocked me and I screamed louder than she had ever heard anyone scream: “FFFRREEEEAAAKKKKKKKKK!” She said all the staff in the room jumped back and the entire ER staff came running towards the room. It was a crazy trip. The whole thing only took four hours, then I was discharged.