College RAs Share The Most Memorable Event They’ve Had With A Freshman
There’s a reason why Resident Advisors, or RAs, get their housing for free. They have to put up with some pretty wild, annoying, and sometimes disturbing situations. When it comes to the wide-eyed freshmen who are away from home for the first time, the experiences they create can often be monumentally stupid. RAs who put up with freshmen are absolute saints… especially considering how much trouble they end up in.
Can you imagine having to explain to a resident that they can’t house an injured baby bird in their bed? Or dealing with a resident letting their homeless friend sleep in the common area? What about writing kids up for dragging an entire bamboo tree into the building? Or threatening expulsion on a group that refuses to surrender their massive pet pig? It’s hard to comprehend just what goes through freshmen heads at times. Read on for some of the strangest and most memorable stories RAs have had of their wild freshmen residents!
#1 When We Said “Friends,” We Didn’t Mean This
One resident was hiding a homeless person in the TV room. Residents were welcome to have friends on site and they are also welcome to stay in the TV room and the rec center after lock-up, but they are required to pull the door closed after they leave. This guy was staying in the TV room with his homeless friend until the RAs finished their rounds, locking him in there, then going back and sleeping in his own room. He woke up early the next day to get his friend out before the RAs came around in the morning unlocking everything again.
#2 Listen, We’ve Got To Talk About The Lobsters
An international kid went to the fish market. He bought live crabs and lobsters, then proceeded to keep them in the fridge drawer alive for days. The vegetarians and the vegans refused to use the fridge and it caused so much grief and drama. It wasn’t like I could write the kid up either because he was doing nothing wrong—that was his food after all, and he had the same right to use that fridge as everyone else.
#3 Guys, Your Room Is A Literal Pigsty
A group of freshman in a four-man suite got permission for a pet somehow from the housing office. They didn’t specify it was a pig. The smell was unbelievable. That lasted a couple of weeks until the dean of students finally gave me and the housing office the power to threaten expulsion on the group. They were really upset. They ended up having no choice but to give the pig away.
#4 This Is Truly The Resident From Hell
We had a bamboo forest near campus. I was on duty once when two dudes dragged an entire tree into the main lounge and up the stairs. I asked them, “What the heck are you doing?” They said they were making rafts. I wrote it up of course, but… it wasn’t easy to figure out what to write up. I settled on “destruction of campus property” since I’m pretty sure you can’t swipe an entire bamboo tree…
I’m doing the end-of-the-year room inspections. I expect this to go badly. The bamboo bandit has destroyed thousands of dollars in campus property this year alone. He shattered a floor-length window in the main lounge and broke every light on the third floor while tipsy. Every single one. His desk is also a total wreck.
#5 This Quickly Went From ‘Bad’ To ‘Worse’
A girl delivered a baby in her dorm room and claimed she didn’t know she was pregnant. To make matters worse, it was a Catholic all-girls school and the baby was delivered by the biology teacher who was a nun. She never got expelled or anything, but she became the talk of the school and everyone just felt bad for her.
#6 And These Are What We Call “Consequences”
One time, three of my residents were in the elevator and two of them decided to jump to set off the sensors. They were trapped in the elevator when I was on duty, so I had to deal with it. I didn’t know what to do, so I called the hall director on duty who then called the repairman. The repairman said he would be there in an hour, so I had to keep an eye on the situation in the meanwhile.
Some residents and I grabbed lawn chairs, snacks, and drinks and we all tailgated the event. When the hall director on duty showed up, she saw we had it handled and were enjoying ourselves, so she joined in on the fun. She started singing, “Hello from the Other Side” to the kids in the elevator. Best impromptu party ever.
#7 I Don’t Know If You Should Do It, Pal…
RA here. This is the typical story of a freshman girl who got way too tipsy. I ended up having to escort her to the hospital with the ambulance. The girl was squirming all over the place, so they asked me to come back in the room to watch her while we waited for the PA on duty.
PA comes finally came in, and the girl was still squirming all over the bed, unresponsive to anything the PA is telling her. Finally, the PA put the needle for the IV in and warned the girl of a slight, painful poke. The girl abruptly stopped squirming, looked the PA dead in the eye, and yelled, “DO IT YOU WON’T!” I couldn’t contain my laughter at that moment. I really tried my best.
#8 Does He Even Have To Explain Why This Is Wrong?
One night during my first semester as an RA, I came across one of my residents in a study room. He got my attention and telling me his roommate has a bird in their apartment and that he doesn’t want to return to his room until it’s gone. He told me that the roommate was letting it sleep in his bed and feeding it Fruit Loops. Obviously, wild animals are on the list of prohibited items, so I knocked on the door to deal with the situation.
As if the situation wasn’t going to be weird enough to handle, the resident answered the door in his boxers. I asked him if he had a bird in his room and his face lit up. He ran to his bedroom to get it. He came back cradling a small pigeon in his hands, then extended it to me as if the sole purpose of me knocking on his door at 2 a.m. was to pet his newfound companion.
I said to him, “I’m sorry but you can’t keep a wild bird in your apartment.” The resident tried to explain to me that the bird was sick and that he needed to nurse it back to health. I again explained that wild animals were not allowed in residence halls, and domesticated animals were only allowed if approved through the DRC. He got so angry. He puts the bird on the ground and stormed back to his room without a word.
#9 Do A Quick Google Search Next Time, Dude
A kid from a vegan family (who was already thin) began to look worryingly thin. It turned out he wasn’t eating because he “wasn’t sure what he could eat” and was basically eating nothing. In the end, he dropped out and he went back to his family in the middle of nowhere—kind of sad actually, poor kid. It’s tough living on your own for the first time.
#10 Mysteriously Misplaced Mattress? I Don’t Think So
I was once notified by one of my residents that her mattress had been “misplaced.” She wanted to know if she would be charged for it or if she was good. I told her she would most certainly be charged for it, and then mysteriously, the mattress reappeared the week before summer closing. I heard through the paper-thin door of her room later that it had been at a frat house for a while and I dread the thought of what happened to it.
#11 Hm, That Mugshot Sure Looks Familiar…
It was my very first night on call by myself. I was watching the news in my dorm room and saw my resident’s mugshot. The housing staff was unclear on the procedure of what to do when a resident had a criminal history. In this case, this particular resident was arrested for ending someone else’s life… It was really dark and scary stuff.
#12 I Wonder What He Was Hoping To Accomplish
On the last weekend of my senior year, while I was packing up everything to send home after graduation, I got a call on my room phone. One of my residents got really tipsy at a frat party. His friends had to bring him back to the dorm but on the way, he stopped in the middle of a road and tried to punch cars as they drove past. Cops picked him up and brought them all back to the dorm. I wasn’t even mad he was that stupid, just impressed.
#13 When A Mother Knows, She Knows
I got a duty call from a worried mom one Saturday afternoon. She hadn’t heard from her 18-year old daughter in a few days and wanted someone to check on her. Sure, I said. I went over to her dorm and knocked on her door. She was in there, just studying. She promised to call her mom as soon as she could. She had been busy all week.
The next day, the student passed away. She got very sick, called a friend, went to the hospital, and was lifeless in a matter of hours. I wasn’t the last person to see her alive, but I might have been the last to see her healthy. Years later, I can’t shake the feeling that her mom had some sort of premonition. It was absolutely heartbreaking.
#14 Can You Break Up Your Irish Jig, Please?
At 2:30 a.m, I was awakened by loud yells and cheering. There was a commotion that sounded like someone attempting to smash a hole through my ceiling with a sledgehammer. I stormed upstairs a bit scared of what I might find… It was six completely sober 18-year-olds cheering on their angry Boston Irish Catholic friend as he danced a jig in steel toe work boots. It was too ridiculous to even be mad. I told them to shut up and went back to bed.
#15 I Can’t Imagine Where This Would Have Gone Next
My hall had a prank war. It began with me returning from class one day and feeling that someone messed with my shoes. I noticed that all my left shoes were missing. Instantly, I had a feeling it was one of my residents and texted him. He replied, “Everything all RIGHT?” I had to get him back so I end up turning his entire room upside down. The desk, the chair, you get the idea. It was quiet for a week, then I returned home one day and noticed that my awfully bland bed had turned into a pink-covered stuffed animal sanctuary.
#16 This Isn’t Even You, Buddy, But ‘A’ For Effort
Once, I was writing up a tipsy freshman. He handed me an ID that actually belonged to a different kid on the floor. That kid wasn’t even there that weekend, so I don’t know why he had it, or how he got it. The other kid ended up getting in trouble with the cops for driving without a license. Needless to say, that was a messy situation to clear up.
#17 Think I Can’t Do It? Challenge: Accepted
During our welcome meeting, I established the rules of living on my floor. I don’t remember how we got on the subject, but they asked if they would be able to fit the whole volleyball team in the room. I said, “No way.” About a month later, I watched as the whole volleyball team left their room, one by one. They were all just laughing their heads off.
#18 Imagine Night Of The Living Dead, But With Freshmen
Early in the fall semester, during Greek rush, someone spiked the punch at a party. It was the kind of punch freshmen would dip a Solo cup in, chug down, and go back for more. After a bunch of freshmen wandered back to my floor, several of them began hallucinating. Imagine a half-dozen people wandering the halls, out of their minds.
Imagine one of them was nearly seven feet tall… and would speak only Russian. He kept banging his head into the cinder block wall. We had to wake up a fellow student who happened to speak Russian to translate. The guy banging his head was repeating, over and over: “I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that I am cold.”
#19 Well, They Sure Weren’t Engineering Majors
A bunch of guys got tipsy and decided to steal the ice machine from a nearby motel. They broke off the water line and threw it in the back of a truck, thinking that they were going to bring it back to the dorm and have free ice. Then, they realized they would have no way to run water into it, so they drove to a rock quarry and threw it off a cliff.
I was woken up by the police who had tracked the guys to their dorm in a matter of a few hours. I had to drag the guy with the truck out to talk to the cop. He immediately ratted out everyone who was with him. The cops told him the motel owner didn’t want to press charges if they’d return his ice maker. They worked out a payment plan.
#20 I Think One Of These Is Worse Than The Other…
I was an RA for a guys’ dorm that was about 300 yards from a girls dorm. A quad of guys got glitter bombed by girls in the nearby dorm. So naturally, the boys went out, bought a thousand bait crickets, and released them into the girls’ rooms. Both pranks left a terrible mess but those poor girls had to listen to isolated cricket chirping for weeks.
#21 At Least He Was Courteous
I had a resident who was always in his boxers. He quickly earned the name Naked Nathan. He was always naked. I remember coming out of my room for class at 7:45 a.m. and he was sitting at his door locked out. He went to the washroom at 3 a.m. and forgot his key. Being a nice guy, he didn’t want to wake his roommate. He also didn’t want to wake me. Nathan was great. More freshman should be like Nathan.
#22 This Is A “Dad Joke” Gone Horribly Wrong
During move-in day, I had a parent take the dorm room door off its hinges and start sanding it down. I told him he couldn’t do that. He said needed to paint it because it didn’t match the rest of the room. He jokingly said, “You can pay me later.” Classic dad. I told him he couldn’t alter the room because the rooms had to be the same at the end of the year.
He insisted that he was improving it. Long story short, he had to be escorted out of the building by a campus police officer. On the way out, he took a dorm chair with him, insisting that he brought a chair for his daughter so he can take one home. I’ve never seen a cop laugh so hard. The dad was not allowed to keep the chair. His daughter was very embarrassed.
#23 And You Were Almost In The Clear…
Friend of mine works as an RA. He had a story about checking freshmen rooms to make sure there were no violations. Of course, he was cool about the small stuff like extension cables and such, but there were just some things you couldn’t overlook. He checked this one dude’s room. Everything seemed fine until one of the tenants stopped him and pointed to a box of beer cans in the corner, saying, “Oh, by the way, that’s not mine.” Moron.
#24 This School Must’ve Been Boring…
There were a couple of freshman wrestlers who lived on my floor and every single day for three weeks, the whole wrestling team would get ice cream after dinner and launch it at the window to their dorm. This was happening during the dead of winter, so the ice cream would freeze to the window. It was a huge, sticky mess.
#25 Gosh, I Hope He Transferred Schools
On my first weekend on call, I had a student sleepwalk naked. I had to let him back into his room. He was super embarrassed. Luckily, no one saw him but me because I was the only one awake at that hour, and the front desk had a towel for him. I imagine he dropped out soon after since no one could recover from that.
#26 Steve, Sweetie, You’re Not All That
Former RA here. I had a trust fund baby in my wing who wanted to be the next college “Waka Flocka Flame.” We’ll call him Steve. I wrote the kid up twice in the first two weeks of school for getting caught drinking outside the Res Hall. By week three, Steve thought I had it out for him. On Saturday night, I was at the on-duty desk and Steve came into the Res Hall completely trashed. He started making derogatory remarks to a few first-year women from my wing that were hanging out by the duty desk, so I called him over and told him to cut it out.
Steve paused for a sec, recognized me, and then told me to shut up. I promptly picked up the desk phone and called my super because that’s what we were to do with threats. My super and his boss appeared shortly after and confronted Steve about the threat. Steve decided to escalate the situation by stating that if he were actually threatening me, he would’ve done it to my face.
To make his point, Steve then attempted to leap over the walls of the duty booth into the little cube I was in so he could show me “a real threat.” The duty booth is enclosed in sliding glass windows, the front two of which are usually left open unless we’re on rounds. A vertical black steel support beam runs through the middle of the open window frame.
In Steve’s inebriated state, he did not consider factoring in the vertical black rod during his jump. He managed to clear the window with one leg before the rest of his body dropped with a metallic thud as he thwapped off the support rod and careened backward onto the floor. Steve’s head hit the concrete, knocking himself out in perhaps the single most pathetic threat sequence humanity had ever witnessed.
#27 All’s Fun And Games Until An Ankle Gets Snapped
I was an RA for a small university. We were having a game night and someone suggested Duck, Duck, Goose. Sure enough, everyone was all in. We played and two guys, around 19 years old, started chasing each other. One guy fell to the ground and everyone was laughing at this point. Then, the guy on the ground said, “I think I broke my ankle.”
We laughed some more and then he got serious. We tried to help him up, and his foot didn’t come up with him… It just dangled there. The horror on our faces was a sight to see. His only regret was the EMT cutting his favorite jeans to get to his ankle.
#28 I Don’t Even Know How To Feel About This
My best story involved one of my residents who decided he wanted to know how it felt like it to get pepper sprayed. So he went out, bought a can from the dollar store and got his roommate to spray him in the face in the courtyard. At least it wasn’t in the common room. His doctor sentenced him to bed rest for a week.
#29 Man, Isn’t Karma Something?
I was an RA for two years, and while most of my stories sound like the plots of some Very Special Episodes, this was my favorite: This was at a big football school, and one year, my floor consisted of 75 freshmen—about a third female, the rest male, with half the guys being football players. Most of these guys were total stereotypes that gave off the vibe that they thought they were above everyone, and I was the terrible one who only ever told them to quiet down and stop throwing stink bombs into each other’s rooms. With any conflict (and there were SO many conflicts), I usually took the side of my non-football residents, because I knew how much it sucked to live with these guys.
But around Halloween, as part of some kind of tradition, the freshman players got ambushed by the more senior players as they were leaving the practice field. These guys got pelted with eggs for several blocks, all the way back to the dorm. At the time, it was a rough night to deal with (the police came, reports were filed, other students got hit, the entire lobby and exterior of the building was covered in eggs), but looking back, it was such sweet justice to see each of these guys come up the elevator, dejected and dripping with egg goo.
#30 I Mean, Most People Collect Stamps…
After Thanksgiving break, all of the peepholes had been stolen from every door on the second floor. Apparently, they just twisted right out and somebody needed a collection?
#31 That’s Not What I Thought She’d Go Down For
I had an entitled, snotty resident. She let her roommate get busted for adult beverages that belonged to her and the roommate was kicked off campus. Entitled Girl called me in their room because she was so upset she’d have to deal with a new roommate and it was so unfair. A couple of weeks went by, and the roommate (allowed to stay till the end of the semester) came to me and asked if her roommate would get in trouble if she was still keeping adult beverages in their room. I told her yes, she could get kicked out of school.
Entitled Girl had been ignoring her pleas to keep adult beverages out of their room. Cops showed up and asked to search the room. Entitled Girl said, “Nope.” The hall director looked in and saw a university property chair (it was not uncommon for people to borrow lounge chairs). He asked Entitled Girl if it was a lounge chair? Entitled Girl, said “Yeah.” That’s when the cop said, “You’re under arrest for the theft of university property.” It was so awesome. They cuffed her and hauled her away.
#32 If This Wasn’t A Fever Dream, I’m Worried About This Kid
My first floor had some very interesting characters on it, but none more so than Owen. My sweet, sweet Owen. One Tuesday in February, I was sliding under my covers after a late night of studying at around 1 a.m. when I heard some music blaring from the end of the hallway. There was a bathroom at the end of the hall, so I figured it was the usual—someone listening to music too loudly while they showered.
So, reluctantly, I put my RA shirt on and sleepily moseyed my way to the bathroom. Now, on the way there, I passed the communal lounge area, and the doors were both closed. This was both against the rules and just sort of odd, so I opened the first door I came to. As I swung it open, I made eye contact with a freshman from a different floor, just sitting naked on the communal couch.
His look of horror is forever burned into my mind. I closed the door back up and continued on. So there I was: at the bathroom door, half-asleep, and still shook up from my run-in with that random nudist. The music was still blasting. It was “Love Train” by the O’Jays. I knew I’d be dealing with Owen based on the song choice alone. With a sigh, I pushed the door open. It was pitch black. The lights aren’t supposed to be off. It was also freezing.
The window was wide open and it was about 4ºF on this particular night. Every shower and faucet was turned on full blast, making the entire room thick with steam. The toilets all seemed to be flushing at once. A figure was in front of me, running between the stalls and howling like one of those monkeys. This was more than I bargained for. I flicked the lights on. Owen stood before me, mostly naked. I asked him why he turned all of the lights off.
“Oh don’t worry, I just do this sometimes. You can ask my roommate!” That didn’t make me feel any better! I woke up the next morning convinced that the entire sequence of events was some weird fever dream. I only know it wasn’t because Owen’s roommate brought it up the next day. “Hey, I heard about last night, Owen wanted me to tell you that yes, he just does that sometimes.” Oh! Mystery solved.
#33 He Drank A… What?
I drove one of my residents to the hospital because he drank a bottle of soy sauce. The kid almost died from salt poisoning.
#34 The Game Must Go On!
Two kids were chasing each other around the lobby with Nerf guns. Just as we walked into the lobby for night rounds, this kid leaped off the ground, pushed off a chair, and soared higher into the air, breaking a ceiling tile while continuing to chase his friend. He felt so bad he came back to tell us he was sorry and that he broke the tile.
#35 Someone Needs To Read The Warning Label Next Time…
One night, a couple of my residents bought ghost peppers to try and see who could handle the heat. Well, one kid who was Thai said, “My food is way spicier than this.” Confidently, he stuffed one whole ghost pepper into his mouth, then another. When the heat set in, we had ranch and tortillas ready for people to eat as a cool down.
After everyone was done eating, we were just hanging out in the lounge. The kid who had been cutting up the peppers went to bed before us and his room was right next to the lounge. About five minutes after he went to bed, we heard him screaming—apparently, he didn’t wash his hands and went to the washroom. He was in a lot of pain, so we threw him a bottle of ranch and left the room. The rest of us washed our hands very thoroughly.
#36 You Know Cardboard Is Freaking Flammable, Right?
Most dorms see no shortage of fire alarms, whether they’re drills or a bag of popcorn gone wrong. When I was an RA, I was on duty one weekend when the alarm started blaring. I ran down to the lobby to check where the smog was coming from. I thought it was a full-fledged fire. But after looking around, I found the source coming from the room of a student who was notorious for causing accidents: a freshman had put a frozen pizza in the oven—while it was still in the cardboard box.
#37 Welp, That Sure Escalated Quickly
Last year, my school decided to set up a beehive research set-up on a recently closed porch to one of the dining halls. This set up wasn’t protected at all from stupid students. One night, a few smart people decided to go up to the beehives, take one, and throw it into a nearby dorm’s elevator. They then proceeded to press every button so that the elevator would stop on every floor in the building. The whole damn building had to be evacuated. The culprits were expelled.
#38 Can You Arrest Some Hooligans? Wait…They’re Mine?
I woke up around midnight one night because people were firing Roman candles at one of the buildings. We were having problems with some local kids who kept playing pranks on the residents and naturally I assumed it was them. So I called campus security to deal with it and they ended up rounding up my own residents. After I gave them all write-ups, one of them asked me why I didn’t tell them beforehand that they weren’t allowed to set fireworks off on campus.
#39 I Guess That’s One Way To Pass The Time
My freshman year of college I lived in a building with super long hallways. Back in 2012, On the two days that we were affected by Hurricane Sandy, classes were canceled and we were told not to leave the dorms unless it was an emergency. So what happened when 400+ bored college kids were forced to stay indoors?
They started a multi-floor jousting tournament. Each contestant had to sit on a skateboard and try to knock their opponent off their skateboard while being pushed at pretty decent speeds. It was definitely one of the best unofficial freshman ice breakers I’ve participated in. Sadly, it got busted not too long after people started yelling war cries down the hallways.
#40 This, My Friends, Is The Definition Of Stupidity
A guy in my complex had a 21st birthday party that got super loud. I had to key in along with campus PD because the neighbors called them first. Cops proceeded to check IDs, and the birthday idiot wrapped his ID in a $20 bill, telling the officer to check with “Samuel L. Jackson.” Turns out, he was so tipsy he’d forgotten he was 21. He also thought bribing campus PD was a good idea. The cop frog marched him outside, gave him back his ID and the money, wished him a happy birthday, and told him to keep it down.
#41 That’s A Pretty Big Sacrifice To Shut That Kid Up
On our floor, we had this kid who would ask questions about everything. EVERYTHING. But not just how or why stuff, things like:
“Should I do this paper or that one first?”
“Blue or black pen?”
“Do they care about cursive?”
“What should I get for dinner?”
“What time should I set my alarm?”
“Should I have a backup alarm?”
“Should my clock or phone be the primary alarm?”
“Which alarm sound should I use?”
EVERYTHING. I realize some of my examples are pretty reasonable things on their own, but it seemed like half of his decisions were made for him by other people. Anyway, everyone went out one night and he got plastered. He and a few others were making their way back to the dorms and had to pass the night security desk.
Meanwhile, I was up in my room getting a craving for a candy bar, so I hopped into the elevator. They signed in and everything was good. Then, he saw a couple of cops. He walked up to them and asked, “Am I too tipsy right now? Will I be allowed back to my ro-huuUUUURRRRKKBLLEEEAAAUUUUUUGGHHH“ and then the torrent of puke issued forth from his mouth.
#42 Wow, This Just Got Worse And Worse
I had a resident have an anxiety attack while super tipsy. He tore through his door because it was locked and he just wanted to hide. But it wasn’t his room and the girls inside pepper-sprayed him, which just scared him more. He ended up running straight through a glass door and cutting himself up pretty badly. We got him into an ambulance and he came out alright.
I was an RA in college. One of the guys in our co-ed dorm went #2 on a plate and cooked it in the basement’s communal oven. We had to evacuate the dorm and open all the doors to air it out.
#44 Your Mom Isn’t Going To Clean Up After You Here, Sweetie
This one guy put blankets all over his floor. No big deal, I see them do this a lot, the carpet is really ugly and it actually helps a lot with cleaning. You roll up the blanket, shake it off outside and wash it. Anyway, what this kid did was ridiculous. He had no roommate but he had people over all the time. And whenever he would have people over, they made a mess.
Instead of cleaning the blankets, he just stacked more blankets on top of the old dirty ones. It got so bad that if he spilled something, or had trash like pizza boxes he didn’t want to take out, he put another blanket over everything. This obviously started to smell HORRIBLE, so he took air spray and sprayed the heck out of his room. Since there was stuff in between the layers of blankets, the room was all lumpy and wavy. It started to rise slowly over the year as he piled on more blankets.
#45 He Just Wanted To Show Off His Pickles…
One guy liked pickles. He bought a cartoonishly large jar of pickles from some store, probably one-gallon size. He was so proud of his pickles and was going to have pickles for days. Well, he had no way to refrigerate it… and it was winter, so he just set it on the windowsill of his fourth-floor room. He got cold and closed the window, which pushed the pickles off the ledge and they flew to freedom… to the courtyard below, where it exploded like a glass and pickle bomb. He didn’t even get in trouble, people just called him “The Pickle Guy,” probably still to this day.