Small talk is often accompanied by musings on the weather or the latest developments in politics. However, we also have stories that we’re itching to tell, even if we can’t quite squeeze them into normal conversations. These stories are just some of the tales people needed to get off their chest.
#1 Your Name?
I might have met Christopher Walken while working at a fast food restaurant. This guy walked in that looked really familiar. I thought that maybe he came in a few days ago or something and that was why he looked familiar. I took his order and I asked for a name to put on the order. He chuckled and said, "Chris." Why did he chuckle? I didn't know at the time. It wasn't until a few days later where it hit me that the guy looked like Christopher Walken. He said his name was Chris, and the reason he chuckled was probably because I didn't realize he was Christopher Walken.
#2 A Fantastic Crash
Nobody cares about mountain biking, but I had a fantastic crash where I fell off a cliff and landed in a shallow frigid river. When I got up, I realized I landed on my bike and the pedal had punctured my butt cheek. I walked in the river two kilometers back to the car, pushing my busted bike. The key fob was pooched from the water, so I had to use the key, but my hands were too cold to work. So, I started the car and drove with my elbows.
My cell phone was wet, so I drove to the ranger station. The ranger station was closed for the season, so I tried my cell, but my hands were so cold that I used my tongue. It worked, but I had no reception. I kept driving, making a mess all over my car until I got to a gas station and had them call me an ambulance. The medic wondered why I loaded my bike into the car before getting help.
#3 Every Waking Moment
I’ll always remember this one super embarrassing time when I walked into a Home Depot. An employee there said, “Hello” and I just went, “Thanks!” We looked at each other for a second or two and then he said, “You want to try again?” I just kind of chuckled and scurried off. This haunts my every waking moment.
#4 Coming Through
There was a line of like 30 people for the men's room and a five-year-old who clearly was about to wet his pants. Mom was insisting he come to the ladies' room with her but he wasn't having it. I asked, "Want me to walk him in?" I took him by the shoulder and started shoving through. He then said, "I really have to go!" So, I picked him up by the armpits and yelled, "Coming through!" These 30 intoxicated hockey fans parted like the Red Sea. By the time I got to the urinal, the kid already had himself out and was immediately going.
I had no idea what to do at this point so I just held him there until he was done. I then shook him up and down when he finished. He lifted his pants, swung him over to the sink, then set him down and we walked out. I was 16 years old and terrified. I had zero experience with little kids, but I couldn't let him wet his pants in the middle of the stadium.
#5 Small Town Life
I got done with my bartending shift in a college town over summer and headed over to my friend's house. Everything in this town was walking distance and since it was summer, it was a fairly quiet night at around 4:00 a.m. Suddenly, a couple of guys come up behind me, completely wasted, riding a tandem bike. These guys were barely keeping this thing on the street, when a car drove by, slowed down, and a girl from the back window of the car leaned out and flashed them. The guys crashed their tandem bike into a curb in a fantastically comical way and the car sped off. I miss small college town life.
#6 You Don’t Neigh
Back when I was in the third grade, there was a girl I used to hang out with. She had a weird laugh; it sounded like a horse's neigh. One day, she was very happy about something and kissed me. After that, whenever I laughed, it sounded like a neigh too. I ended up going to another school after that and lost that laugh.
#7 Stop Following Me
I live in Maine in the same town as Stephen King. I worked at several stores when I was younger such as Home Depot and Walmart. He actually came in sometimes. He recognized me when I worked at Home Depot from Walmart and said, "You really need to stop following me." Jokingly, of course. He was a pretty cool dude.
#8 When Cicadas Attack
I used to deliver pizzas. I rolled up to this one house, waltzed to the door, had a knock and started waiting. Suddenly, this cicada starts diving toward me, kamikaze style, with rage. I could almost hear it screaming at me. This went on for several minutes since my customer wasn’t answering the door. Then, the cicada conveniently flew away right as the door popped open. So, I was sitting there stressed, kind of in shock with a pizza in my hand, and told the customer what happened for some reason. They didn’t care. I walked back to my car, got in... the cicada was in my car. It attacked me again. One of the most surreal exchanges with nature I’ve yet encountered.
#9 That Weird Summer
One summer, my mother found a baby seagull. My sister and I then raised that seagull the entire summer, and we ended up bonding with him. We could pet him, he would sleep on our lap and he started to take our dog's squeaky toys. He also got attacked by a cat once but survived relatively unscathed.
He learned to fly after eight weeks or so, so my mom then put him out into the wild, next to her workplace. He would frequently meet up with us and snuggle a bit. My mom would feed him some raw shrimps as well! When winter came, he disappeared and we never met him again. What an absolutely weird summer that was.
Sign Up For Our Newsletter
Stories that matter — delivered straight to your inbox.
#10 Breakfast With Vader
It’s hard to bring this up in regular conversation since it’s so surreal. But, one time, I had breakfast with James Earl Jones. I then went into preschool and told my teacher that I had breakfast with Darth Vader. She didn’t believe me until an article in the paper came out the following week about him being in town.
#11 She’s Ungrateful
Once, my wife and I were on one of those supermarket ramps that move like escalators. An employee was pushing empty carts in front of us. We were a few steps back and the genius decided to ride in front of the carts. Two or three carts got loose and came rolling towards me and my wife, so I promptly jumped in front of her, saving her face from being hit by shopping carts. I never tell this story because it would look like I'm bragging and she never tells this story because she's ungrateful.
#12 Old Stomping Grounds
One time, my girlfriend had our dog in the park while I was at work. She called me frantically saying the dog ran off, said the poor pup got spooked by a cyclist and bolted. This dog was very well-behaved and obedient and had never done this before. We eventually found her a couple of miles away, in the front yard of the house I first lived in with her. Neither I nor the dog had been to that house in years, yet she somehow found her way straight there over all that distance, after all that time. Dogs are incredible.
#13 Back of the Bus
I was on the bus toward the back but in front of the second door in the back. As we were going down the road, I noticed the guy in the seat across the aisle was sitting there pleasuring himself. I mean, the whole thing was out and he was going to town. There was a mom and her kids two seats in the front-facing seats and I'm pretty sure he was looking at them.
Just as I noticed, the bus pulled up to a stop. The mom and her kids got up to exit the back doors. I bolted to my feet and blocked their way down the aisle. I then yelled, "You need to go out the front door.” The poor mom looked at me and started to protest, but I just made myself big to block their way and started herding them to the front door.
As she was exiting the bus, I tried to quietly tell her what was going on. However, she was pretty mad at me and didn't let me get close enough to say anything. I’m not going to lie, I think about this situation pretty often. I was probably their villain of the day but I actually might have saved them from real harm.
#14 Nothing Awkward Here
My sister used to work at a Starbucks and had a customer come in. She wasn’t really paying attention as she took her order (looking down at the cash register). She asked for a name and the customer replied, “Tegan.” My sister replied, “Oh, like Tegan and Sara?” There was a long pause and my sister finally took a good look at who she was talking to and realized that it was her. She just said, “Yes,” and my sister pretended nothing awkward had happened.
#15 Herd of Crows
My husband and I used to feed a family of crows; we’d give them a chicken egg every other day and little scraps of meat from time to time. After a while, they started “escorting” us from about a half-mile down the road from where we lived. They would fly behind my husband on his bike and me in my car whenever we came home from work. They’d then greet us with caws in the driveway. They definitely recognized us. We felt pretty special.
#16 Airport USB
When I was maybe 12-13, my parents found a USB drive. Not knowing what to do with it, they gave it to me. Curious, I put it in my laptop and saw it full of data. All the files were profiles of individuals in the army, some PowerPoint slides of research. Some of these profiles had social security address ranks and where they were stationed at. Some were still in Iraq. I removed the USB, thinking someone could be tracking it. I asked my dad where he found it and he said it was at the train stop at the airport. I still have it, but I’ve never plugged it in.
#17 Cute Car
My girlfriend and I were at 7-11 and Dog the Bounty Hunter was there. My girl drives a smart car, which is adorable in its own right, but as we came out of 7-11 to leave, Dog held the door for us. Then when we were getting in the car he said, “That’s one cute car!” My girlfriend had no idea who Dog was until I told her. Then she couldn’t stop giggling that one of the most aggressive bounty hunters out there thought her car was cute.
#18 Detective James Carter
In 2011, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It was four days before my 17th birthday. When I got home from the hospital that day, I wanted to put myself in a better mood, so I watched Rush Hour , then I watched Rush Hour 2 , and then Rush Hour 3 . Fast forward to a couple of months ago. I volunteered at a high profile event that had a ton of celebrities. We weren’t allowed to fraternize with them and ask for pictures or autographs. But there was one celeb that I needed to slightly break that rule for.
At the end of the event, I made sure to be near the exit and wait there for Detective James Carter himself. I approached him, I shook his hand and walked him out while explaining to him that Rush Hour got me through one of the worst days of my life so far. I also said it made me smile during a time that I had no business smiling in. He stopped in his tracks, looked at me and thanked me for telling him. He then gave me a hug before sincerely wishing the best for me and leaving the event. And that’s what happened when I met Chris Tucker.
#19 Just the Curb
One time, I hit a curb driving out of a parking lot. I know it was a curb because I hit that curb one out of three times. I’m in that terribly designed parking lot and it made a loud enough noise that some family walking into the building thought I hit another car and were taking photos of me. They were also looking around for the car they thought I damaged.
#20 Eerily Silent
I got mocked when I was working in a toy store. A man and his family came through the line. Everyone working was watching us and the intercom had gone eerily silent. After I sent them to the front desk to pick up their purchase, my intercom lit up with people making fun of me. He was an NFL player. To this day, I don't know who this person was, but he was famous enough to make my co-workers laugh at me when I asked, "Who?"
#21 Dog’s Recess
One time, our dog got out of our backyard while we were at school and my parents were at work. My mom got a call while my sister was at recess. She kept telling my mom our dog was at her school, so my mom left work to go check. Sure enough, our dog was at the school playground with all the kids. The school was a couple of miles away from our house!
#22 Casual Conversation
A couple of years back, I was waiting outside for a friend to meet up with me at Bowery Hotel in Lower Manhattan. It was a party on one of the roofs that you needed a password for to enter, for some reason. I was downstairs waiting for my friend and I realized that I forgot my ID back at my apartment. It was only a few blocks away at the time, so I was just going to run back and grab it.
A cute girl who was standing nearby stopped me and asked if I knew what the password was to get in. I told her and she told me that she was waiting for some friends. We then proceeded to have a small chat. Her two friends got there, we said bye and I was off to get my ID. I couldn’t help but feel I’d seen that girl from around the way or something. I got back to the hotel and my friend was there now, so we headed in. I saw the same girl from outside again at the bar upstairs and she thanked me for the password. We had a quick laugh and chatted about it. I got back with the drinks and my friend stared at me for a bit. Then she broke her silence and went, “So, you just have casual talks at bars with Julia Stiles?”
#23 Losing a Drive
When I was in Japan with the Marines, an S1 guy lost a USB external hard drive with the entire battalion's data on it. Some people got demoted and njp'd over that. Afterward, we had to get every single USB device with battalion data on it encrypted with this pain of a software. We’d also have the S2 shop look at and approve every drive as being secure. You could only plug them into approved machines. A simple file transfer was a nightmare after that.
#24 Creepy Encounter
When I was about eight, I was playing outside with a friend and her little brother. My friend was slowly riding my bike on the sidewalk and I was walking beside her, but her brother insisted on riding his tricycle on the middle of the road. There's a funeral home nearby that often left their hearse parked on that street. The little guy was right behind the hearse when it suddenly started moving backwards. I quickly pulled him out of his tricycle as he was about to get run over. It still creeps me out how the kid could have lost his life that day by the same hearse that would have taken him to his funeral.
#25 Soup Commercial
One time me and my brother were being signed up by my parents to do a Rugrats Campbell Soup commercial. My parents were both in chairs in front of this desk talking to a man. I was sitting, leaning against the wall by the door behind them. Then a hand came through the door, clamped around my mouth and I got dragged out of the room.
He was dragging me down the hall and I was trying to kick and scream but was this six foot two white guy with a long beard. I also couldn’t budge or make noise past his hand. Then, halfway down the hallway in the lobby, the receptionist looked up at us and he let me go. I ran back to the room and sat on the floor between my parents' chairs.
The guy came in again and whispered something to the man my parents were talking to. He then left. It still makes me angry today because when I told them this story, they didn’t believe me (I was about five years old when this happened). I'm 27 and now they believe me. It was so traumatizing I still remember it.
#26 Exact Same Spot
When I was a kid, I had this awesome SuperSonics hoodie. It was my favorite article of clothing and I wore it all the time. One Halloween, we were lighting off some fireworks. One kid shot a Roman candle at a light post and it bounced off, came right back down and landed in my hoodie pocket. It burned a hole right through the whole thing. I looked for a new one, but at that point, the Sonics were gone.
Fast forward many years and I was walking through a shopping outlet. Oddly enough, I saw my old hoodie! I bought it on the spot and it felt like being reunited with an old friend. A little while later, I was out for a jog in the hoodie and while running on a path, a protruded tree branch sticking out caught my hoodie pocket and ripped it straight through. It was the same exact pocket and even on the same exact side. I got my sister to sew it up, but it doesn’t have the same look it used to.
#27 Large Lemonade
I grew up in Maine, went to UMO and worked at the KFC on Broadway in Bangor in the early 1990s. Stephen King used to come through the drive-through occasionally in his big black SUV to order several buckets of chicken for the local Little League team. I always knew it was him, mostly because of his very thick Maine accent when he ordered a "lahrge lemonade" for himself at the end of his order. He also signed a book for me to give to my friend who was a huge fan. He was always very nice.
#28 Gold Story
I helped a little girl who got separated from her mother in a mall. The mom got on the escalator going down, with a stroller and their coats and bags, but the girl was scared of the escalator. So, she stepped back and was at the top while her mom was at the bottom and everyone was nervous. There were people behind me piling up but I ignored them.
I put out my hand, pointed to mom and said, “We'll go down together.” The girl wouldn’t speak any words and was clearly frightened but took my hand. I said, "Okay, ready? One… two… three…” and stepped onto the escalator, but she didn’t move and I had to hop backward. I tried one more time. No luck.
I crouched down and asked, "Is it okay if I pick you up?" She nodded yes, so I repeated yet again, "Okay I'm picking you up. I'll take you to your mom, okay?" The whole time I'm reminding her that mommy is right there and we're going to go to see mommy. When I stood up to carry the girl down, I heard a group of teenage girls let out a collective “aww.” Once we got to the bottom, I passed her off to mom and kept on my way. As a single 35-year-old-guy, the story is absolute gold with women, but there's never any reason to bring it up.
#29 Never Telling Anyone
When I was a kid, I was sitting towards the back of the bus and my mom was up front. Since the bus was mostly empty, it wasn't a big deal. I noticed the guy in the back staring at me and his arm was moving up and down. I had no idea what he was doing, but I knew it was weird, so I went back to sit with my mom. I didn't ever mention it to anyone.
#30 A Little Seashell
I fed a crow at my apartment complex because it was watching me feed ducks. So, I threw bread for him to grab. He didn't eat it, just held it in his beak. I threw two more pieces and he picked them up. He looked funny because he had a two-inch bread crust sticking out each side. The thing is, he still wanted more, but I told him he was being greedy at this point. He finally flew off with his treasure. Crows used to also bring bread to the birdbath and I added crackers to it for them. They were thrilled and later left a seashell for me.
#31 Wrong Target
A family friend was babysitting me and her grandson. He liked hunting so he had tons of toy weaponry. We would run around the house and hit each other with them. I ducked into the bedroom with the door open and waited until I heard footsteps. I shot out of that room, toys blazing, complete with sound effects. The problem was that it wasn't the kid. I about gave that 60-year-old woman a heart attack. She swore and stormed off, but I couldn't stop laughing
#32 Black in the Road
I was driving to my parents' house. The way to my parents is on a pretty active highway, but about halfway on there’s a small town. I was at the end of the town when I saw something black on the road. At first, I thought it was a piece of tire, but then he raised his little head up and I swear we made eye contact. It was the tiniest black kitten.
Luckily, I was going slow enough to drive over him. I immediately pulled over and ran back into the road to snatch him up. I didn't look before I ran into the highway, though, and a semi was coming in the lane I was in. I ran back, tripped and fell flat on my butt. The semi stopped in the road and honked his horn. I screamed, "Sorry!" and held up the kitten like Simba. The truck driver gave me a shrug and a thumbs up and went along his merry way. I gave the kitten to my mom and she named him Midnight. He’s the worst.
#33 Brag on Her Behalf
My 50-year-old mother is one of the best 2048 players in the world. Her high score is somewhere in the millions and she doesn't see it as a big deal. However, when I googled it, I found out that she's one of the top five in the country. Nobody other than myself is interested in this, so I don't get many opportunities to brag on her behalf.
#34 Best Friends
My dad was good friends with David Bowie for a while. My mom’s best friend was having a potentially life-ending surgery (open heart for the third time), so my dad told Bowie that she was a big fan. He ended up recording a video for her and wishing her luck. She actually still watches it from time to time. Who could blame her?
#35 Breaking Free
Seven years ago, I (18 at the time) was out to dinner with my boyfriend's extended family and got stuck in a bathroom stall (had a doorknob, not a latch). I panicked and kicked that garbage door open. I came out the bathroom, calmly sat down at our table, and said nothing. I felt guilty for breaking the door but also surprised at my ability to do so.
#36 Nice to Meet You
I went to the Grand Canyon years ago with my parents. A couple of stops in and we got out at a lookout where there was only us and this biker couple. She was sitting on the edge of the canyon with something in her hand and he was videotaping her. We had to walk past them to get to a trail that led into the canyon. It didn’t take me and my dad long to see what the couple was doing, so we stopped and tried to give them space, but my mom kept walking.
The woman dumped something into the canyon and at the same time, a wind blew out of the canyon and at my mom. The biker couple watched what they had dumped out fly into my mom's face. It turns out that it was the ashes of her brother and his last request was to have his ashes spread at the Grand Canyon. What followed was the most awkward 10 minutes of my life as they talked to my mom about the departed. At the end of the conversation, the lady said, “Don’t feel bad about it. He loved to meet new people.” My mom responded, “Well, it was nice to meet you and your brother as well.”
#37 Small Fires
One time, I was walking home from school via a popular shortcut, which goes through a small wooded area (you also have to cross a stream with stepping-stones). There was a small fire at the base of one of the trees, so I doused it with my water bottle. But, at the end of the day, apparently no one cares about this.
#38 Local Zoo
My dad is an OBGYN. He once got called by the local zoo to perform an emergency C-Section on one of their gorillas. Mom and baby did fine. A few months later, my family went to the zoo and were able to hold the baby. She was relocated to another zoo when she was older. My mom has the baby gorilla's picture on the mantle next to our baby picture.
#39 Don’t Worry About It
One time I bumped into Alec Baldwin in Savannah Georgia outside of Leopoldo's ice cream shop. I just bumped into him and just said sorry. He laughed and said, “Don’t worry about it.” And when I heard his voice, I looked back, and he literally winked at me. Alec Baldwin legitimately winked at me when I recognized him.
#40 Quick Rescue
I was going to an on-field concert after a baseball game. Once the game was finished, a stream of people, myself included, were going down the stairs to reach the field entrance. I started hearing shouting and a scream behind me on the stairs. I stopped and turned around to see what was happening and somehow caught the arm of a woman who had been falling down the stairs (the cause of the commotion). I hauled her to her feet and we sort of just stared at each other for a moment before continuing down the stairs. I will never know how this happened so perfectly, and it will never happen again. But I felt like a ninja.
#41 Mildly Interesting
My stories are from when I was in the Air Force. I have two sons in their teens and they are completely disinterested. I can rarely work them in (without seeming like a complete tool) to normal conversation at parties or other social situations. It's not like I was a total commando or anything at all. Just some mildly interesting stories from a decent career, but maybe I will have some grandkids who will be interested!
#42 Is Mike Home?
It was a kind of mean but harmless prank me and every neighborhood kid did when I was growing up. There was this old lady’s house we would go by once a month. Each time a different kid would go up to the door, ring the doorbell and ask if Mike could come out and play. The problem was there was no one named Mike living there, it was just her. This went on for about two years and every time someone did this, the old lady was so nice explaining how there was no Mike. When she did, we acted all sad and slowly walked away. Kids are terrible, man.
#43 Something to See
I went to my favorite cafe in Nashville and saw a man on the corner sitting on a curb with his pants down, just going to town. He scooted his butt off the curb and took a number two, then tried to brush it away from himself with his free hand. It did not brush away. It smeared. He held his dirty hand away from him and kept doing what he was doing. I wouldn't have watched so long, but I couldn't comprehend what I was seeing until after the smear.
#44 One for the Books
Once, I really needed to go number one. When I finally made it to the bathroom, I lowered my pants, sat on the toilet and started going without even looking. The toilet was closed. I had basically slapped my bare butt against the lid and everything slid right off. Understandably, it doesn't fit in any kind of casual conversation.
#45 Coming Back Home
I had a cat for eight years who lived in the house and outside. We moved four years ago and we brought him with us. But, he kept going back to his old house about three kilometers away. We gave up and he lived there alone for three years. Our neighbors fed him and I didn't see him for over a year. One day this summer, I came home from work and there he was.
My sister visited an old neighbor and he was there. He walked home with her like a dog. Now, he’s with us like he never left. In the beginning, he was scared a bit, but now he basically only stays in the house and goes outside to go number one or two. Recently, he brought home a girlfriend. He’s old, but is healthy and happy now.
#46 Are You There, God?
When I was a preteen, I got a really bad fever that would hit 40 degrees and lasted for a whole week. My dad’s girlfriend was the one taking care of me and would do her best to ask me how I was doing. According to her, at one point I’d start crying and squirming repeating, “rocks, slimy wet rocks” or “wet knives” or something similar. On one other occasion, I had asked her if she was God or not. I wish I could remember more.
#47 Birthday Boys
My wife loves Disney and I love the Philadelphia Flyers. I took her to Disney to propose and everything was magical. The next day was my birthday and we were waiting in line when the woman in front noticed my Flyers hat. She asked, “Oh, you’re a Flyers fan?” I said yeah as I looked at her husband and it was Danny Briere! So, I got to ride the Tower of Terror with one of my heroes. Also, we had nearly identical outfits on. Also , it was Danny’s birthday as well.
#48 New Concepts
When I was about six or so, I was in the ball pit at a McDonald's Play Place. The other kids and I were playing this game that involved grabbing whatever kid tried to escape the ball pit and throwing them back in. This one kid tried to escape and I grabbed his leg. He was an amputee and I had grabbed his prosthetic. I was six and didn't know it was even possible to lose a limb. His prosthetic came off and suddenly I was holding this stranger kid's leg in my hands. I thought I had ripped his leg off! I screamed, I cried, I apologized, and I ran to my parents who had to explain the concept of an amputee to me in a McDonald's.
#49 Running Trail
When I was in high school, I used to run cross country. One time, there was this one running trail where, if we went on it, the same three guys would run to the front of the group, pull their pants down, and turn around so the whole squad would see their members. I don’t think I can ever bring that up in a conversation.
#50 First Class Passenger
Okay, here’s an awesome story I have. Back when I was a baby, I was traveling to the United States with my father from Iceland. We got bumped up to first class where we actually met Snoop Dogg. Evidently, he held me in his arms and told my dad something like, “Whoa, man. That’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”
